Every Star Wars Pitch Meeting In Order Of The Star Wars Timeline Compilation

so you have a star wars prequel script for me yes sir i do a surprise to be sure but a welcome one okay right off the bat that sounded awesome and i'm gonna steal it for the script uh yeah go for it thanks so what happens in the movie well i'd like to gear this one towards kids a lot more you know makes sense that'll help us sell toys exactly so what i did was focus heavily on politics oh kids love politics oh yeah my kids will not shut up about politics same here they're like dad can we go read some books on trade regulation and i'm like shut up and play with your nintendo 64 you nerds well your kids are gonna love this movie because a major part of it has to do with the taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems uh the taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is tight oh yeah so anyway the greedy trade federation blockades this planet naboo in preparation for an invasion right okay so the chancellor of the republic is going to send obi-wan kenobi and his master qui-gon jinn to negotiate with the viceroy so obi-wan is an apprentice in this movie well in the opening text crawl we're gonna call him a jedi knight and at the end of the movie we're gonna have a thing where he becomes a jedi knight ah the jedi's so nice they knighted him twice exactly hasn't he already said that yoda is the one who trained him though yeah whatever fair enough so is obi-wan like the main character in this thing well i wouldn't say that so who's the main character i don't know probably not important to know that anyway anyway so this bad guy darth sidious orders the viceroy to kill the jedi oh how are they gonna do that they're gonna gas them for about 15 seconds and then send some battle droids to shoot at them oh i like the sound of battle droids is it hard to destroy them no super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah they're really bad at their job and the jedi cut through them like butter they don't sound very threatening they won't be so what happens next well qui-gon and obi-wan are gonna use four-speed to run super fast and escape oh four speed i bet that's gonna come in handy later in the movie they will never use it again oh they won't okay and then they're gonna see that there's a droid army preparing to invade naboo so they're gonna be like we have to go warn them so what do they do they sneak onto the droid ships they're gonna try to warn the naboo of an invading army by flying in with the invading army that's right huh and then they're gonna end up on naboo and meet this creature jar jar binks oh what's he like oh he's gonna be a fan favorite he's like a giant lizard rabbit thing that says funny stuff what kind of funny stuff like oh this isn't gonna be messy mean no watching okay and at another point he's gonna be like yusuf should follow me now okie day i'm not sure i get it well trust me people are gonna love jar jar if you say so he's also gonna be banished from his society oh being an outcast is actually pretty badass what did he do he was too clumsy oh okay never mind so anyway he's gonna tag along with the jedi for the rest of the movie how come because that works and they're all gonna rescue queen amidala from a couple of droids and then escape through the blockade is that gonna be hard to do no super easy barely an inconvenience wow so then they're gonna go to tatooine and realize they need a new part for their ship bummer and jar jar is gonna step and poo are people gonna think that's funny yeah poop is hilarious well okay then so qui-gon is gonna try to buy the part he needs at one of the smaller shops he finds do they have it yeah the flying bug salesman says he has the only one in town is he telling the truth i don't know qui-gon's gonna take his word for it and not check anywhere else so qui-gon's gonna buy it well all he has is some credits that the guy doesn't wanna accept so he's gonna look around town to see if anyone's willing to exchange the credits for other currency no he's going to set up an elaborate bet involving a boy in some kind of space race thing called pod racing okay this sounds overly complicated it's so you could sell video games oh that's fantastic i love it and this boy is actually anakin skywalker aka darth vader oh very interesting like a teenage darth vader no like a teeny tiny little boy darth vader how people want to see darth vader as a little boy right maybe exciting stuff and he and queen amidala are gonna have kind of a mother-son dynamic going on oh that's cute and in the next movies they're gonna bang what anyway so qui-gon senses that anakin is strong with the force so he wants to get his midichlorian count midichlorians oh yeah they're microscopic life forms that allow the host to detect the force so now we're saying that to use the force you need to have a bunch of microscopic life forms in your blood that's right and we're also going to imply that midichlorians are what fathered anakin we're implying that tiny life form somehow banged darth vader's mom something like that i guess that adds to his backstory so anyway then they're gonna ditch anakin's mom and go to coruscant for a bunch of politics and meeting and talking and talking and talking and talking i hope that takes up a big chunk of the movie oh yeah a solid 30 40 minutes i love it and qui-gon is going to explain to the jedi council that anakin is special and needs to be trained and they're going to be like nah how come they say he's too old and they sense fear in him and they all just feel really weird about it so their plan is to just hope it all works out pretty much huh then the characters are gonna go back to naboo so what do they do with anakin they can't just bring a child to a war zone they're gonna bring a child to a war zone interesting choice yeah and they have to pass the blockade again nah the blockade is gone now oh come because that works and then we're gonna have a grand finale with a whole lot of stuff going on oh what kind of stuff well this bad guy darth maul is gonna kill qui-gon oh no and he's almost gonna kill obi-wan oh taking on two jedi's i can't wait to see what this bad guy does in future movies oh he's gonna die oh he is yeah he's just gonna stand there while obi-wan does a bunch of acrobatics and cuts him in half wow and then anakin is gonna accidentally blow up the ship that's controlling all the droids lucky kid yeah and he's gonna be like now this is pod racing ah that doesn't make any sense yeah cause he's like this this this is this is pod racing but it but it's not pod racing right no it's not so so why does he say that because he's all excited so he's like this is now this is pod racing okay so how does the movie end well then the jedi are going to agree to let obi-wan train anakin why because qui-gon wanted that right but didn't they feel weird about it yeah they still do so what's changed anakin blew up the ship i guess wasn't that an accident it was huh so what do you think of the movie well i'll tell you one thing if people don't like this movie i doubt we'll ever see any star wars prequels ever again probably a good move [Music] so you have a new star wars movie for me yes sir i do amazing i'm really excited to get started on this one cgi technology has come a long way oh it has oh it has so i think we should use it in you know every scene every single scene i don't know if that's necessary sir most of the script is people standing around talking about politics well what better way to make those scenes more interesting than by having them be 95 computer generated i feel like there might be a better way we can also make most of the characters in cgi too it just feels like as technology gets better through the years this might not age well i don't think you understand how good this cgi is gonna look it's gonna be photo realistic if the photo is a screenshot of a ps2 cutscene oh like a playstation 2 cut scene that does sound fancy yeah it's never going to get any better than that we need to go all in right now you're probably right oh i am so what happens in the movie oh well at the beginning of the movie padme's decoy is gonna be killed in an assassination attempt oh no yeah it's gonna be really sad as she's dying she's gonna be like i'm sorry i failed you failed her wasn't that literally her job yeah i guess she didn't really understand the job description because she did great wow so anyway obi-wan and anakin are assigned to protect padme just in case there's another attempt on her life and what's going on with anakin well he's about 10 years older now and boy does he have his creepy pervert stare on lock oh good for him yeah and he's like obsessed with padme so he's just gonna be throwing those in her direction the whole movie oh he is yeah at a certain point it's gonna get so bad that padme's gonna have to be like please stop looking at me like that and that's just gonna make it worse huh so anyway they have to keep padme safe right so they place her in a secure room or something no no no they put her in a normal room with a big old window but they stay in there with her now they had some cameras in there but she shut them off because anakin was making her uncomfortable always watching her in a creepy way oh this guy's a predator yeah darth vader's a real horn dog jeez so anyway this flying thing shows up and plops a couple of murder worms into her room murder worms why not explosives again well after they killed the decoy the bad guys decided they needed to be a little more discreet why i don't know well okay so anakin and obi-wan save her and then chase down the assassin very exciting yeah and it turns out the assassin was hired by another assassin bounty hunter guy jango fett wait an assassin hired an assassin yeah the assassin hired an assassin to assassinate somebody and then followed the assassin to supervise the assassination and then assassinated the assassin when the assassination went wrong okay i'm pretty sure that doesn't make sense but you said the word assassin so much that i'm all thrown off and i'm just gonna go with it great so what else happens well padme needs to be protected some more because there's all kinds of incompetent assassins after her right so the jedi decide that anakin should be the one to go with her to her romantic home planet and take care of her oh were there not any other jedi oh there are a ton of other jedi but they're gonna send this irresponsible pervy one with incomplete training interesting choice yeah besides all the important jedi need to sit around and talk about their feelings so they can't go right they freaking love talking about their feelings so anakin and pat may head over to naboo and he's just trying super hard to get into her space pants and she's not into it not at all until he finally strikes a chord with a little speech about how much he you know freaking hates sand oh and that's what does it for her and he also calls her soft and touches her exposed skin without permission oh dissing sand and rubbing skin is tight oh yeah it's irresistible so she kisses him but then she's like oh no i can't because she met him when he was a child and this whole thing is super weird now she's over that now now it's because she's a senator and he's a jedi is that not allowed nope it's not why not because well okay then anyway then anakin's gonna have a dream that his mom's in trouble so they head over to tatooine okay and when he finds her she's like now i'm complete and she dies oh my god yeah so then anakin just massacres the tuscan raiders that kidnapped her and then heads back to padme geez does he tell her what he did yeah he's like i didn't just kill the men i killed everyone the women the children well it's gonna be hard to make her fall in love with him after something monstrous like that actually it's going to be super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah it seems like that makes her like him even more cause a couple of scenes later she's like i truly deeply love you that is how women talk oh i'm glad you said that because i've never spoken to a real one so i just took a wild guess so is there anything else going on in this movie besides the love story there will be most of it to be honest oh people will be into that right fingers crossed but we're also going to have obi-wan wandering around investigating stuff oh yeah yeah he's going to find this place where some aliens are building a big clone army why are they doing that because like 10 years ago a jedi named sifo diaz told them to and then died oh tell me more about this sifo diaz no oh okay anyway so eventually obi-wan gets held captive on geonosis by a bad guy named count dooku okay and so padme and anakin try to rescue him but they get captured too oh no yeah so they all get put in this big arena so they could be killed by monsters wouldn't it be better for the bad guys to just kill them immediately instead of placing them in a situation where they can escape probably but then the movie would be over so they're gonna go with this stupid dumb idea gotcha so then this big kitty cat monster is gonna swipe at padme oh what happens to her well her tight shirt turns into a tight crop top oh thank you kitty cat and then a bunch of jedi show up and a bunch of clones show up and they fight a bunch of droids so count dooku tries to escape on this speeder bike thing oh a bike speeder thing huh is that going to look cool no it's going to look like somebody in a walmart parking lot that hit the gas too hard on their scooter oh okay so then the main characters chase him but padme falls off the ship oh no yeah so she's like man i gotta get to the hanger to go help them how does she know they're going to a hanger unclear huh so then anakin and obi-wan get to the hangar and fight dooku a little bit very fun and then yoda shows up and has a big old lightsaber fight with them doesn't yoda need a cane to walk he does but when he's fighting he's fully able that doesn't make much sense well do you want to see yoda bouncing around like a pinball with a lightsaber or not not really well it's gonna happen so definitely get off my back about it okay i'll do that great hey how come yoda and the jedi couldn't detect all this dark side stuff happening this whole time well the dark side of the force was being clouded so they couldn't see it what was clouding it the dark side of the force um anyway then padme and anakin get married wow so she was really into that murdering women and children thing he did sure looks that way anything else i should know about well we're gonna introduce a little baby boba fett in this movie why would we introduce a young boba fett well if we give characters more backstory one day they can have their own spin-off movies oh that's very smart yeah i'm sure people would eat those spin-offs up i'm sure they would unless one of them tanks early on and ruins everything can you imagine [Music] so you have a new star wars script for me yes sir i do it's going to be called episode three revenge of the yeah actually i got your email about the title and you realize we can't do that right what do you mean well you can't use that kind of language in a movie title and it also just feels like immature potty humor oh no it's revenge of the sith oh okay i must have misread it i was like is this gonna be about a toilet that backs up no it's about star wars stuff well i'm relieved so what happens in the movie well we're gonna start with a bunch of space stuff happening like a whole lot of it it's not really gonna be clear who's who but it's gonna be like yeah something's happening for sure very exciting again palpatine's been kidnapped by count dooku so obi-wan and anakin have to save him okay so they go fight count dooku and palpatine convinces anakin to cut dooku's head off yikes must have been tough to convince him to do something like that actually super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah he just makes a very compelling argument and that convinces him well what does he say to him he says do it oh very convincing yeah yeah so what else happens in the movie oh well padme is pregnant now and her and anakin are just super in love oh they are yeah so we're gonna have some amazing romantic dialogue going on between them like what well for example he's gonna be like you're so beautiful and she's gonna be like it's only because i'm so in love and he's gonna be like no no it's because i'm so in love with you oh very romantic and realistic cause people talk like that yeah i don't want to toot my own horn or anything but you know shakespeare can suck it i'm the greatest writer now oh dethroning shakespeare is tight it is so anyway anakin has a nightmare that padme dies and he's like oh i don't like that at all okay so then the whole movie palpatine's gonna be like anakin you know if you join the dark side you can stop people from dying that is a pretty good sales pitch and what else is going on oh well yoda's gonna go fight alongside some wookies against the droid army oh why is he doing that so we can have some wookies in the movie oh people like wookies yeah we'll have yoda fight alongside chewbacca doesn't that create some problems for the original trilogy like han solo doesn't believe in the jedi but we're saying that his partner fought alongside one well yeah but if we don't include this chewbacca scene we're not gonna get to see chewbacca oh yeah that is a good point okay keep it in we're also gonna have obi-wan go fight this bad guy general grievous and what's his deal well he was trained in the jedi arts by count dooku oh he was yeah and apparently he was also trained in the helicopter arts by a helicopter oh very cool anyway so much later in the movie anakin's gonna finally figure out that palpatine is a sith lord wow took him a while that's the most obviously evil character i've ever seen yeah and so he tells mace windu who goes to confront palpatine and how does that go oh not well palpatine shoots some lightning at mace windu and he deflects it back and starts to kill him oh and anakin's standing there like oh boy i don't want either of these people to die so anakin tells palpatine to stop shooting the lightning so mace windu can stop deflecting it at him nope he cuts off mace windu's arm and palpatine sends him flying out the window oh my god yeah anakin was conflicted about it but as soon as he did it he's like well i guess i'm evil now wow ready to go and so palpatine is like hey i need you to go murder some kids real quick and anakin's like yup i'm on it oh wow that's a huge escalation wasn't he conflicted like two seconds ago yeah but he decided to be evil now so he's fine with killing kids geez yeah and then palpatine calls for order 66 which makes all the clones kill all the jedi oh no except our favorites oh okay good oh and we're also gonna find out why anakin is called darth vader oh and why is that because palpatine was like this is gonna be your name now oh right okay anyway so then obi-wan watches some security footage of anakin killing children and pledging himself to palpatine so he's like oh this guy's up to no good he's not wrong and so he goes to tell padme and she's like there's no way anakin would do something like that i don't believe you didn't anakin tell her in the last movie that he killed a bunch of tuscan raider children yeah he did tell her that but i guess she forgot because she's real dumb now oh okay so then obi-wan has to go kill anakin and they have this big lava fight like it goes on for a while wow wow and obi-wan is gonna be like anakin chancellor palpatine is evil and anakin's gonna be like from my point of view the jedi are evil oh okay that's just some placeholder text right you're gonna put in some less ridiculous dialogue it was placeholder dialogue but i forgot the login information for my laptop so we're kind of stuck with it now oh okay that's fine so then they keep fighting but at a certain point obi-wan goes up a hill a little bit okay and so he's like well it's over anakin i have the high ground what is he talking about well obi-wan's a little higher up than anakin so that's basically checkmate you know you can't win if you don't have the high ground what about in phantom menace when darth maul had the high ground and obi-wan killed him oh well that doesn't count though why not because i forgot about that oh fairy now so then obi-wan chops off anakin's limbs and leaves them to burn to death oh my god and then padme dies after giving birth to luke and leia wait nine months have passed apparently yes they have wow so what happens to her were there complications during childbirth no no no she just doesn't feel like living anymore what are you talking about she was so sad that she died i don't know what to tell you yeah maybe we should go with the complications thing okay we'll go with complications okay great in the sense that she just got out of a complicated relationship and died from sadness never mind so then bail organa takes baby leia and luke gets sent to tatooine to uncle owen and aunt beru why do they bring him there so that anakin can't find him so they bring him to his actual family and let him keep the skywalker name i feel like he'd be easy to track down yeah well i kind of have no choice but to shove everybody into their starting positions for a new hope so it doesn't really matter if it doesn't make sense oh okay gotcha yeah like yoda pieces out to daggerbot cause he's embarrassed oh and then palpatine's gonna hook anakin up with the darth vader costume and tell him that padme is dead oh and what does attican say he says no that seems about right and so yeah that's about it that's the story of anakin and palpatine and stuff wow yeah we spent a lot of time with them it's going to be nice in the future to make more of these movies and kind of steer away to other villains oh for sure it'll be nice to switch it up a bit so you have a star wars script for me yes sir i do and this one's all about a young han solo sounds kind of unnecessary well look at it this way aren't all movies unnecessary uh yeah that's a good point i'm sold great so what happens in the movie well han lives on this planet corellia and he's basically a slave for a giant evil worm crime boss lady proxima oh wow she sounds interesting yeah super interesting so she's barely gonna be in it oh yeah han's gonna expose her to sunlight and she's gonna burn and go back into the sewers but how does a giant worm that can't be exposed to sunlight run a crime syndicate from the sewers i have so many questions well that's too bad cause we're moving on alright then so anyway han's gonna try to escape with his girlfriend kira but they're gonna get separated bummer yeah and he's gonna join the imperial army so he could become a pilot and go back and save her well that's nice of him and so that's how he's gonna get his name what the guy who signs him up into the army is like do you have a people and han's like no so the guy's like okay let's just say your last name is solo because you're alone so han solo wasn't his real name nope but now everybody's gonna know how he got it i just assumed that was his name so i don't feel any different now that i know yeah well it's an origin story so i kind of made my way through the stuff we kind of know about him and provided specific explanations for all of them once again that seems unnecessary you're unnecessary that makes me feel inferior and now i feel like i need your approval so keep going great so we're also going to provide some backstory on han's golden dice han has dice yeah you could kinda see them in the original trilogy and they show up in the last jedi well i guess i didn't realize they were that important they weren't really but we're gonna provide some backstory for them that's gonna blow people's minds oh yeah yeah so they're like a good luck charm or something okay so yeah that's that's what they are once again i don't feel any different now that i know that we're also gonna explain how han got his blaster oh how did that happen someone gave it to him right that makes sense and we're also gonna explain why he calls chewbacca chewy oh why is that because he thinks chewbacca is too long to say i feel like we had all figured that out on our own already well we're gonna spell it out well okay then so anyway then han's gonna be in the imperial army for three years wow han solo in the imperial army that's going to be super interesting to see sounds pretty nuts right oh yeah so anyway we're going to skip right past that oh we are yeah we're just going to jump to the very tail end of it all right if you say so i do so then han's going to meet this guy beckett who has a crew and they're going to fly away from the war zone okay but before that han's gonna get thrown into a jail pit thing and that's where he's gonna meet chewbacca oh chewie what's he doing there oh he's being kept as a prisoner there and also he uh kills and eats people what yeah so he's gonna try to do that to han wow it's gonna be hard for han to get out of that situation actually super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah turns out han can speak chewbacca's language so they become friends and escape together how does han speak chewbacca's language because i wrote that in the script but when did he learn that when i wrote it in the script fair enough so any way han and chewie are gonna go on a heist with beckett and his crew to steal some hyper fuel coaxium stuff okay but it's gonna go wrong and some of beckett's crew are gonna die like his girlfriend's gonna blow herself up well we must be devastated uh he's barely gonna be affected by it oh okay then so then beckett's gonna explain that they were actually stealing the stuff for this guy dryden boss and he's gonna be mad okay so they're gonna go see him at this gangster place and han's gonna run into kira his girlfriend kira that he's doing all of this for that's the one so his whole motivation was to get a ship and fly back to her but now she's there now she's there feels like you just messed up the emotional drive of the movie uh whoops whoopsie so as it turns out she works for voss now oh so earlier when you jumped forward three years that was just so she could have time to join vos's crew uh you got me i thought that was a weird time jump like how was han not able to get his hands on a ship for three years yeah i just needed three years to pass for the story to work yeah i see that now so vasa's gonna want to kill han and beckett and chewie but they're gonna be like wait we can steal a bunch of unrefined coaxium for you okay but vos is gonna be like first of all that stuff explodes if you don't refine it fast enough and second i don't want this traced back to me in any way right so they're like well we're not attached to you in any way so it can't be traced back to you oh that's smart yeah so that sells him on it and then he's like take my second and command kira with you what yeah he wants her to keep an eye on things but you just said the whole thing is that he doesn't want to trace back to him that's right feels like sending his second in command is pretty traceable well i want her to be there though right but you just said that i know but i want her to be there though well okay if that's what you want it is so then they're gonna go see lando calrissian because they need his ship and he has this droid companion l3 who has a wacky personality okay good i was getting worried there wasn't gonna be a wacky droid in this movie yeah and she's all about equal rights and freedom for droids very wacky yeah and later she's gonna die and they're gonna kind of implant her consciousness into the millennium falcon oh my god that's awful no it's gonna be kind of a sweet moment the droid that was all about freedom gets her consciousness trapped in a ship for eternity right isn't that sweet it sounds absolutely horrifying from her perspective like the last thing she would have wanted right but we're gonna play it like it's a sweet thing they made her into a prisoner it's like something out of black mirror yeah it's going to be a nice moment so anyway they're all going to go on another heist together very exciting and the coaxium's about to explode so they have to take a shortcut on the kessel run oh we're going to show the kessel run that han was talking about in a new hope yeah instead of leaving it to the imagination we're going to show people exactly what happened and kind of take the mystery out of it so how did it go down well they run into a giant tentacle monster thing uh giant testicle monsters are tight no i said tentacles oh and there's gonna be a black hole thing and they're gonna have to escape the black hole thing and the monster it's gonna be nuts the monster lives next to a black hole yeah i guess it does i guess my questions are why does it live there and what does it eat if nobody passes through there those are good questions thank you so anyway the characters are gonna oh you're not gonna answer the questions no i'm not so anyway the characters are gonna go bring the coaxium to vos okay but then everyone's gonna betray each other and beckett's gonna shoot vos's guards and run away with the coaxium why wouldn't he shoot vos too because i want voss to stay alive for a final fight right but it doesn't make sense for becca to shoot the guards and not him yeah but i want voss to stay alive for a final fight well okay then so then there's a final fight and vos dies right and then we're gonna find out that kira is evil cause she has a skype call with darth maul wait what yeah he goes by maul now i'm confused so this takes place before phantom menace no no he didn't actually die in phantom menace are fans gonna get that real fans will we covered it in some animated stuff but what about everyone else ah they'll figure it out he has robot legs that you could kind of make out all right well cameos are fun i guess and then maul's gonna ignite his dual lightsaber why would he do that well the audience really liked that about him so so we're gonna show it right but he's like skyping with kira right yeah yeah and he just lights up his lightsaber to show her i guess huh so what do you think well i mean it's definitely a risk to make a movie about such a well-loved character well if we're not taking risks we're not doing anything worthwhile well i gotta agree with you on that one [Music] so you have a star wars script for me yes sir i do and this one's gonna be called rogue one oh rouge one i like it no rogue one right rouge one r-o-g-u-e rogue exactly r-o-u-g-e but that's different from what i said yeah whatever let's hope this doesn't become a problem in common sections online yeah hope so so what's this movie about well you know how in the opening text crawl of a new hope there's mention of some rebels that managed to steal some plans for the death star yeah so what i'd like to do is you know that as as a movie you want to make a movie about a line from a text crawl yeah everyone's been wondering how did the rebels get their hands on the plans uh have they though maybe well all right so how does it all go down well we're gonna start with this evil dude krennic who wants to force this guy galen erso to come work on the death star so galen's gotta hide his wife lyra and his daughter jin oh so they have to rush into hiding and they can kind of take their time with it krennic land's like stupid far away how come so that the good guys can shout exposition at each other fair enough well at least jyn's mom is gonna be with her no she's gonna die oh she is yeah instead of taking care of her daughter she's gonna go back and try to shoot a bunch of guys with a little pistol why would she do that because she's a mom in a star wars movie so she can't be alive for long right that makes sense so then we're gonna jump forward in time and meet this dude cassian who shoots his friend in the back oh he's a bad guy no he's one of the main rebel good guys oh really yeah and we're also going to meet a rebel extremist named saw guerrera who's visited by an imperial pilot that defected why does he defect his galen erso sent him with a message about the death star oh so saw is going to help him no sad doesn't believe him so he uses this thing called the boar gullet on him borgulit yeah it's like this tentacle monster that can tell if you're lying or something but the side effect is that you lose your mind oh so it's gonna be hard for the pilot to be of any health for the rest of the movie actually super easy barely an inconvenience he doesn't lose his mind yeah someone's gonna remind him that he's a pilot in the next scene and we're never gonna talk about it again seems like a weird thing to include if it's not gonna have any effect on anything yeah super weird huh so anyway jyn was raised by saw so the rebels sent her and cassian to go talk to him how does that go well on the way they make friends with these two guys chirrut and base what's their role in the movie they bicker about the force and they're gonna flip a switch later oh flipping switches is tight and so then jyn's gonna see a message from her dad and he says he built a fault into the death star that if you shoot it the whole thing blows up oh wow you're closing up that plot hole from a new hope yeah that plot hole always kind of bugged me so i you know wrote an entire movie to fix it you're a little crazy aren't you yes sir i am so what happens next well everyone's going to say the word hope so much it hurts your ears no that's fun hope and then grand moff tarkin's gonna be like wait grand moff tarkin is in the character played by peter cushing that's the one you know he passed away in 1994 right yeah but you can like cgi him back to life or something right i guess is that a little unethical though that's probably fine that's probably fine so anyway the bad guys are gonna fire the death star at the planet jetta where all the characters are oh so all the characters are gonna die now they're using like a less intense setting on the weapon so everyone has time to talk and fly away oh well that's nice of them yeah it is so everyone flies away everyone accepts saw he stays behind why would he stay behind he says he's tired of running seriously that's what we're going with seems like a weird unnatural thing to do yeah well i had to kill him off because he kind of served his purpose and having him around would cause problems oh plot convenience i get it right because later i want the rebels to not believe jyn when she tells them about the message doesn't she bring it with her no she forgot it because plot convenience gotcha so anyway they're going to track down jyn's dad and he's going to repeat that her nickname is stardust because that's going to be important later okay and then he's going to die in an explosion wait another character is going to die in an explosion literally every character except a wise-cracking robot's gonna die in an explosion you didn't feel like mixing that up a bit i did not fair enough also they're all gonna explode immediately after serving their one purpose in the movie usually flipping a switch or something that's pretty harsh yeah i mean if someone's no longer useful to me why would i keep them alive right you're talking about script writing right not real life wouldn't you like to know security security security anyway then we're gonna have a scene where krennic goes to see darth vader when he's taking a bath and then gets choked by him oh so that's like a sex scene oh god no it's like it's like a badass thing okay cause the way you described it yeah no my bad that's okay and then later jyn's gonna give a big motivational speech to the rebels about getting the plans and they're gonna be like nah oh bummer but then her and some people are gonna take off in a ship anyway oh very rebellious rebels yeah and they're gonna be asked what the name of their ship is and the pilot's gonna be like rogue one hey rouge one that's the name of the movie that's right that's kind of right i love when that happens it is fun so then they're gonna go to this planet called scarab what happens there well the main characters are gonna have to turn some important knobs and flip some important switches very exciting and then dying explosions you're really doing that explosion thing huh i am well all right then and then the rebels are gonna find out that some people went rogue so they're gonna send a bunch of ships to help out weren't they against it yeah but now that it's actually happening they're gonna do a convenient 180 on the subject that's convenient and then jin's going gonna send the plans off into space with a big satellite and then i'm guessing she dies in an explosion yeah super big explosion wow and then darth vader's gonna have such a badass scene it's gonna make him seem like a pansy in the original trilogy oh really and then leia is gonna get the plans and say the word hope one last time like a young princess leia yeah you can make her young with cgi right please stop making me do that all right so anyway what do you think well i think fans will love it you know i think it's gonna do great awesome although to be fair we can slap the name star wars on anything and it's guaranteed to be a hit that is true [Music] so you have a movie for me yes sir i do it's going to be called star wars and it's set in space that is where stars are this is off to a great start yeah so the ship that's a part of a rebellion is gonna be boarded by some evil soldier dudes called stormtroopers and the big bad guy darth vader darth vader huh what's his deal well he's super strong with this thing called the force it's like this thing he can choke people with oh yeah so it's like a rope no it's like an energy type thing he can sense things with his mind he can move things with his mind okay okay so he's like a space wizard yeah kind of like a space wizard with very bad asthma i guess that's intimidating yeah so he and the stormtroopers capture a bunch of rebels and this princess leia oh princess leia huh tell me about her oh she's badass and beautiful as can be you know skin like porcelain hair like a continental breakfast what and in a later movie we're actually gonna find out that she's darth vader's daughter and with all his super powerful force abilities he's not able to tell that his daughter's standing in front of him apparently not well okay then anyway before she was captured leia managed to put some plans to this big death star space station into a droid r2d2 okay and so r2d2 and this other whiny droid c3po take off in an escape pod oh so do the stormtroopers shoot the pod down no they're like oh there weren't any life signals on that thing so it must have just malfunctioned do they not know that droids are a thing they do they just have to be extremely dumb in this moment how come so the movie can happen oh okay so then these droids land on this planet tatooine what's going on on that planet well there's a whole lot of desert and i'm hoping that in about 30 years or so when computers start getting good we can add in a bunch of random aliens walking around what why i don't know fair enough anyway so the droids end up getting picked up and sold who did they get sold to the uncle of luke skywalker who's the main character oh the hero of the story yeah and his uncle tells him to clean up the droids and he's like but i was gonna go into toshi station to pick up some power converters oh whiney heroes are tight i like this guy already yeah so he ends up seeing this hologram message that princess leia left on r2d2 and he's like that's a very attractive hologram kind of a weird reaction to a cry for help a little bit yeah anyway in the recording she's like help me obi-wan kenobi you're my only hope okay and so luke is like hmm i wonder if she means old ben kenobi who lives around here if that is what she means this guy's horrible at picking fake names yeah not super creative so anyway then luke is gonna get attacked by some sand people and obi-wan is gonna save him because he's a jedi knight which means he's super good with the force oh that worked out it did but then we find out that the place where the droids were sold got all shot up and obi-wan is like oh only imperial stormtroopers are so precise oh pretty scary yeah and then luke finds his aunt and uncle murdered oh my god he must be devastated no he's all right oh okay so he goes to obi-wan like i want you to train me as a jedi cause i don't have anything anymore well yeah i got over those deaths real fast yeah so then they go to this cantina where there's all these weird types because they need to find a pilot what kind of weird types are we talking we're talking a guy with chin balls a werewolf you know satan oh that does sound like a bizarre mix and then they're gonna meet with this guy han solo and what's his deal well he's really cool and he doesn't believe in the jedi and he has this giant bear dog best friend named chewbacca chewbacca yeah he actually fought alongside a jedi master named yoda and he always goes so han solo doesn't believe in the jedi even though his best friend and partner fought alongside one that's right but we're only gonna find out about that yoda thing like 30 years from now okay you're gonna have to stop mentioning things that'll happen 30 years from now that doesn't make any sense i mean i'll try so what else happens well then han gets held back briefly by this guy greedo because it turns out he owes money to this guy jabba the hutt okay and then they shoot at each other and greedo gets hit oh okay so which one of them shot first i don't think it matters oh okay so anyway then stormtroopers end up shooting at them as they leave on han's ship oh so which one of them gets hit by these sharpshooters nobody stormtroopers have just the worst name but you have obi-wan saying that they're super precise oh whoops whoops hey anyway so meanwhile on the death star the bad guys are gonna blow up princess leia's home planet oh my god she must be devastated oh she is for about 10 seconds oh wow these people don't have much emotion so eventually han's ship gets picked up by the death star oh man it's going to be hard for them to get out of that situation actually it's going to be super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah they just hide under the floors on the ship as the storm troopers search it the storm troopers don't use their technology that detects life forms no i guess they forgot they had that wow and so then han and luke take out some stormtroopers and steal their gear and it's just the perfect size for them oh very lucky and then they go rescue princess leia what happens to all the other rebels that were captured at the same time as her i don't know fair enough and then they end up in a shootout in a hallway with some stormtroopers and do they have good aim or bad aim now oh bad aim from now on for sure okay just checking and then princess leia shoots a hole in a wall vent and they dive into a garbage compactor oh wow wow wow yeah so you know that takes care of the stormtrooper problem can't the stormtroopers just you know walk up to the hole and shoot them yeah but they're not going to how come because that works and meanwhile obi-wan kenobi runs into darth vader uh-oh and he's like you're only a master of evil darth is this first name darth no oh and then they duel with these lightsaber swords they have oh what's that gonna be like it's gonna be like two old guys who just woke up from a nap started fighting with their canes i guess that'll be fun to watch and obi-wan is gonna be like if you strike me down i'll become more powerful than you could possibly imagine in what sense in the sense that if he dies he'll be able to like communicate with luke telepathically sometimes that just sounds like he's gonna turn into a very specific type of mental walkie-talkie i don't know if that's more powerful than you can possibly imagine well maybe darth vader doesn't have a very good imagination we don't know okay that's a good point so then the heroes see ob one fighting and he sacrifices himself so they don't try to rescue him oh wow wow yeah and so luke is super sad he sat her about the death of an old guy he barely knew that he was about the people that raised him that's right but he's only sad for like a minute oh these people suck at grieving so then they check out the death star plans and it turns out there's a little vent that if you shoot it the whole thing blows up okay and then obi-wan uses his new mental walkie talkie powers to tell luke to use the force and blow up the death star and so yeah that works fantastic and then han and luke both get medals what about chewbacca no oh very harsh and so yeah that's about it it sounds very cool i guess my one question is why would the death star have such a big fault built into it oh yeah i guess that is kind of a weird plot hole i guess i could find an explanation but i feel like it would take like two hours okay i mean i guess it would be pretty cool to explain it though maybe like 40 years from now i thought i asked you to stop doing that i said 40 this time oh yeah that's a good point let's do it so you have a star wars movie for me yes sir i do so you might have heard that mark hamill had a car accident and broke his nose so we're gonna have to kind of address the fact that his face is different oh way ahead of you we're gonna start the movie on this ice planet called hoth right and then this monster is gonna you know punch him in the frickin face oh that'll do it yeah so luke wakes up in this cave and this monster has frozen his feet to the ceiling what how did he manage that i don't know but it happens off screen so you have to accept it oh i do okay good to know anyway so luke sees that his lightsaber conveniently fell right next to him and not outside as he was being violently dragged through the snow oh very lucky yeah so then he grabs the lightsaber using the force and frees himself while somehow not cutting off his own feet wow skills and then he cuts the monster's arm off oh great so he can finish off the monster and spend the night in the cake he sure can but instead he's gonna run outside what isn't it freezing yeah he's gonna run right out of the cave in the freezing cold at dusk is he able to keep himself warm with the force or something no not at all he passes out pretty much immediately oh but before he passes out the ghost of obi-wan kenobi shows up and he's like you need to go to this planet dagobah and meet a jedi master named yoda who actually trained me he shows up to tell him this right before he passes out in the cold yeah he waited for this moment after three years of silence obi-wan is kind of a drama queen okay and you say this yoda guy trained him exactly except he didn't what yeah obi-wan is kind of a liar too oh a very sassy ghost anyway so then han solo shows up and stuffs luke inside a dead camel dinosaur oh that's nice of him i guess yeah and these camel dinosaurs have warm guts so luke is able to survive in the gold wow anyway so then back at the rebel base leia kisses luke because she wants to show han she doesn't care about him oh a little love triangle huh that's cool that's like a relatable human story oh you mean relatable as in i should have them be related no that's not what i meant at all i mean i guess they can be related if that's what you're into that's not i didn't write the reveal in the next movie you weirdo oh no anyway so the empire finds out about this rebel base and they attack with these giant at80 things what are those they're these giant things that walk super slowly and can only shoot directly in front of them oh it doesn't sound like a very effective weapon oh they're very effective against enemies that are directly in front of them so the rebels just don't attack them from the front oh no they do oh they do yeah so a bunch of them get killed and they're trying to shoot these things down but they have these big shields uh-oh but then they tie them up and make them fall and then when they shoot them they explode the shields don't work anymore when they're on the ground apparently not well great so then han and leia try to escape but their hyper drive isn't working so they have to play hide and seek for you know the whole movie oh really and at the same time luke takes off with r2d2 to go to dagobah he doesn't have any problems escaping none whatsoever so anyway he gets to this planet and it's just a big swamp and that's where he meets yoda and what's yoda's deal well he's tiny and green and he says his words in like a backwards order why because oh okay so after some convincing yoda agrees to train luke to be a jedi oh what kind of training are we talking we're talking front flips climbing things lifting things with his mind some more flips a lot of flips oh being a jedi requires a lot of flipping it sure does so anyway after a couple of days of doing flips and a swamp with a puppet luke has a vision that his friends are in trouble so he's like i gotta go okay and yoda's like no you better not go and even obi-wan shows up to be like yeah no you need to finish your flippy training with this puppet who trained me but also no he didn't oh so what does luke do well he decides to ignore the puppet and the ghost and he takes off oh ignoring ghosts is tight that's what i do all the time with a disembodied ghost head that lives in my office what are you talking about there's a ghost that lives in here uh nope there's nope there's not well okay then so anyway then han and leia go meet lando calrissian who's an old friend of hans okay and he acts all friendly but it turns out the empire got there a couple of minutes before han and leia so they get captured and han solo gets frozen in carbonite oh no and then luke shows up but it quickly becomes clear that he has not done enough flippy training darth vader overpowers him yeah he cuts his hand off oh man you love when people get their arms and hands cut off don't you yeah i do i just had to write that in there very weird anyway so then luke is like obi-wan said you killed my father and vader's like no i am your father oh luke i am your father that's a great quote that's not the quote though it's no i am your father luke i am your father i love it okay whatever so anyway then luke is like you know no right and by now he's out on this thing with nothing below him but a huge drop oh man it's gonna be tough for him to get out of that situation actually it's gonna be super easy barely an inconvenience who said that i mean they are right it is going to be that oh really yeah he just lets himself fall and he happens to land in a fun slide thing oh they should call him lando am i right that's not funny okay anyway so then luke is hanging from a thing in the sky right and he uses his brain force walkie-talkie to ask leia for help oh wow that's a whole lot of convenience it's a whole lot of force usage sounds like the same thing from a writing perspective yeah it's the same thing wow and so yeah that's it what do you mean that's it that's that's it it's over but han is still frozen in carbonite and darth vader is still out there does this movie not have an ending no not really people are just gonna have to come see episode six in a couple of years episode six what are you talking about this is the second movie of the first trilogy which is technically the second trilogy because after this we could do a trilogy taking place before this and after that we could do a trilogy taking place after this oh i'm very confused trilogy trilogy i mean okay yeah i mean we need to make a bunch of these movies right now in the 80s before people lose interest in this star wars fad yeah true i guess people won't really be into this franchise beyond this decade [Music] so you have a star wars sequel for me yes sir i do so lucas concocted this amazing plan to save han solo from jabba the hut oh amazing so what's his plan it's pretty straightforward they send in leia in a disguise with chewbacca as a prisoner okay then luke sends a hologram of himself via c3po and r2d2 and gives them as a gift right also lando's infiltrated the places like a guard and luke also goes in person and gets thrown into a monster pit this is sounding like a lot then he has leah unfreeze han and everybody gets caught so they all get brought out for execution where r2 shoots luke's lightsaber over to him and he saves the day it feels like this plan could and should go wrong in a thousand different ways yeah well it doesn't it goes exactly to plan how did he know that was all gonna work like what if they just took r2 apart right away for scratch uh the force i don't think you could just use the force as an excuse we're gonna have to address the fact that luke's plan is insane princess leia is going to be in a gold bikini along the way plan's probably fine as is great so what else happens oh well boba fett is back oh people love that guy for some reason so what's he gonna do bounce off a wall like a cartoon character and die immediately oh my god yeah so that's all done geez so anyway then luke goes to dagobah to finish his training with yoda oh and yoda's there making himself some food but when luke shows up he's like oh you know what i think i'm gonna die actually oh he's just gonna die when luke shows up yeah but before he dies he's like luke to finish your training and become a full jedi you have to go confront darth vader wait in the last movie he was like you can't go confront vader until you finish your training oh whoops whoopsie yeah so total opposite now well yeah total 188. so then luke has a chat with obi-wan's ghost and he's like hey you told me my dad was dead but then i found out that darth vader's my father so what's up oh calling him out on his lie yeah but then obi-wan's like well from a certain point of view i wasn't lying oh man such a sassy ghost the sassiest ghost and so luke also finds out that leia is his sister well so that kiss they shared is real weird now it sure is so luke tells her that they're related and she talks about how she remembers their mom and how beautiful she was oh so leia grew up with their mom no their mom died at childbirth from being too sad what yeah pretty dramatic way to go right so how does she remember her mom if she saw her for like a minute when she was like a minute old i don't know oh impossible baby memories are tight anyway so the big threat in this movie is that the empire is building another death star oh i bet they're not leaving in that little port where if you shoot it the whole thing explodes no they definitely don't include that wow so it's going to be tough to find a way to destroy this one actually it's going to be super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah see they don't have the port anymore but they do have this tunnel that leads to a reactor that if you shoot it the whole thing explodes they are very bad at making these things yeah they are wow anyway so the good guys find out that there's a shield generator for this thing on this forest planet called endor oh and how do they find out about this shield generator oh well actually we're gonna find out that the evil emperor is the one who leaked the information so we could ambush them oh so we just sent them to a random location or to a decoy oh no he sent them to the actual one what if it was a lie why not lie about the whole thing i don't know but he's also the one who leaked the information about the death star's new weakness oh okay i see and so that part is fake and even if they attack it it's not gonna blow up oh no that's real too what is going on well if he gave them fake intel they wouldn't have a chance at winning wouldn't that be what he would want yeah but that's not what i want i want the heroes to stand a chance and for them to stand a chance he had to make the emperor an idiot that's right well okay then so anyway the rebels get all camo'ed up and head into the forest oh yeah i guess they really need to blend in with the surroundings huh yeah and c3po is all like wait they dress in camouflage but they bring a big shiny gold robot with them that's right so then the main characters get captured by these super cute merchandising opportunities oh i like the sound of them yeah and they think that c-3po is like a golden god but they want to cook and eat everybody else oh so does c-3po just tell them to stop no he says it's against his programming to impersonate a god so he can't tell them what to do so how is he going to help them he's going to wait a couple minutes then tell them what to do oh okay yeah so anyway then there's gonna be this big battle on endor and this big battle in space and luke's gonna go see darth vader to be like hey do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior the light side of the force how does that go oh not well at first darth vader brings him to see the emperor and they have this very uncomfortable conversation that leads to the emperor trying to kill luke with lightning oh no yeah it's pretty rough but then darth vader steps in to save his son and chucks the emperor over the railing oh he became a good guy he did and so then darth vader is dying and we get to see him without his helmet oh wow what does he look like i'm gonna say mashed potatoes oh not what i was expecting but okay anyway so then luke escapes off the new death star just before it explodes and the rebels win wow very cool yeah so they're gonna have this big party with the merchandising opportunities and then luke's gonna see the force ghosts of yoda and obi-wan and of anakin skywalker he sees darth vader's force ghost he does it's gonna be a very sweet moment but doesn't that mean that technically palpatine is also still out there as a force ghost no i feel like it does though he's going to come back isn't he [Music] you said you had a new star wars script to pitch me yes sir and i know you bought lucasfilm for four billion dollars so there's a lot riding on this yeah we really have to find a way to capture the essence of the original trilogy i mean i know that's going to be tough actually super easy barely an inconvenience really yeah well i figure we can just redo some of the stuff from a new hope redo stuff can can we get away with that yeah well not like a lot of stuff maybe just have like a force sensitive lead character from a desert planet that dreams of a better life some incredibly important information stored in a lovable droid a powerful bad guy with a mask and a red lightsaber and a bad temper a cantina full of questionable characters and strange music the main female character getting captured and brought into a giant star base that can destroy planets followed by a rescue mission to get her out and then if there's time a bunch of ships that gets sent on trench runs to hit a weak point on the base and blow it up the lightsaber death of an old mentor figure witnessed by the lead character just a couple of things like that oh people won't be mad about us copying minor stuff like that right no i think if we call it fan service we'll be good that's a good point so tell me about the new characters oh this is gonna blow your mind one of the main characters is named finn and he's a stormtrooper but stormtroopers are evil that's what's amazing about this finn realizes that killing innocent people is bad and he doesn't want to do it that's really good that's going to humanize stormtroopers exactly they used to be these disposable things in star wars and now it's like these are people these are real people with real emotions and feelings right and stormtroopers didn't choose this life like they were put into this at birth it really makes you see stormtroopers in a new light so how does finn escape oh well he kills a bunch of stormtroopers and gets away oh cool yeah he and poe have like a little stormtrooper murder rampage poe oh yeah poe is this awesome resistance pilot and also an opportunity for us to pull a dumbledore if we want pola dumbledore yeah that's when you wait a couple of years to reveal a character's sexual orientation oh yeah there's kind of maybe a thing between him and finn we we hint at it interesting and then there's raymond oh who's he no she is the big star of this movie and her name is raymond raymond yeah er you don't like it no i'm not crazy about it okay uh i ran that by everybody in the office but and everybody loves raymond everybody loves raymond okay look tell you what i'll shorten it to ray yeah that's better and maybe change the a to an e sure thanks that that feels better so anyway rey is the new hero of the franchise i'm listening when we meet her she's like super resourceful and has all these skills and she's gonna lose everything and have to go through big changes no she's just gonna kind of realize that she has other skills too oh so instead of having a character arc no it's more of a character just upwards line very interesting and what's her backstory oh we're barely going to talk about it so everybody could come up with theories smart and then there's kylo ren he's the son of han solo and princess leia and he's evil really what's his deal well he wants to be just like his grandpa vader and he has these really intense temper tantrums oh you know what i can picture him already you have some ideas for casting yeah so you know that show girls yeah yeah that show that's all about women and real takes on their stories and their lives exactly so i'm thinking of the guy from that show oh so the big breakout star from girls can be the guy from girls adam driver he'd be perfect i'm all for it now tell me about the story what actually happens in the movie right so everybody's trying to find luke skywalker because he's the only jedi left he's the last jedi yeah i like the sound of that remind me of that later yeah sure thanks so anyway there's an important part of this map that probably leads to him that's been kept inside this little droid called bb-8 what's he look like imagine if a salad bowl fell upside down on a soccer ball and for some reason you wanted to hug it that's gonna sell a lot of toys oh for sure so bb-8 ends up alone on this planet called jakku jakku basically tatooine oh yeah and then there's kind of a string of coincidences and that leads us to the end of the movie coincidences oh yeah a lot like what well bb-8 happens to stumble upon rey who happens to be force sensitive and finn happens to have his little spiritual awakening when they capture bb-8's owner poe so he helps him escape because he needs a pilot and then they happen to get separated during a crash on jakku and then finn happens to put on his jacket so bb-8 can happen to point them out and then they escape in a ship that happens to be the millennium falcon and rey happens to be a world-class pilot and then almost immediately they happen to get picked up by its owner han solo who also happens to be the father of the big bad guy and happens to bring them to see someone who happens to have luke skywalker's lightsaber which happens to have a huge connection with rey because she happens to have force powers so when she gets captured by kylo ren she happens to realize she has powers that help her escape and then the resistance blows up the big bad guy base because it happens to have a big weak spot that they happen to know about because finn used to be a janitor there and rey doesn't kill kylo ren or vice versa now the ground happens to open up between them and they can't finish fighting doesn't that all feel a little too convenient yeah but i think we could chalk it up to like the will of the force or whatever okay you don't think people will buy it well maybe just to be safe we can distract people with random cameos that could work who would you get uh just off the top of my head maybe okay so we have a lot of great stuff set up from the force awakens that we have to pay off in this movie so let's start with snoke what do you have planned for snoke sure well you know how he was this dark ominous hologram figure yeah well in episode 8 we're gonna see him in person and he's gonna be more of like a disfigured old playboy he is yeah and he has like a really flashy gold robot it looks like what they probably give you if you rent a suite at a trump hotel interesting yeah so overall he looks like if hugh hefner fell face first down an elevator shaft and then they did their best and so do we find out more about him as a character oh yeah definitely so you know how in the first movie it was like who is this guy what's his deal yeah well in this movie we confirm that he's like an evil guy oh okay saving him for a bigger role in episode nine no he dies he does yeah kylo ren cuts him in half wow do you think the fans are gonna be disappointed or what do you mean well i mean we kind of baited fans for two years with questions like who's snoke and now he's dead right that's what makes it so surprising oh true i didn't think of it that way plus it gives more weight to the reveal of rey's parents oh yeah about that they are nobody oh really yeah kylo ren says he saw it in a vision so they're dead they're nobody is he telling the truth yeah i don't know we're just gonna kind of gloss over it okay so what about the other big cliffhanger what's that well at the end ray is handing luca's lightsaber back it's like a huge moment oh yeah well he just tosses it over his shoulder like garbage oh yeah and then he squeezes some boobs and goes fishing who's boobs just this big alien sea cow with four boobs a big alien sea cow with four boobs yeah and then the alien sea cow with four boobs looks at ray-like you seen this so we're really taking all the stuff that the force awakens set up and just throwing it out the window pretty much yeah but here's the thing i don't think jj actually had answers to those questions what makes you say that well i mean you've seen lost true okay i see what you're saying yeah so i figure let's just kind of wipe the slate clean fair enough let the past die kill it if you have to oh yeah yeah i like that can i can i add that in sure thanks and oh actually there is one big question we are gonna answer in here what's that how does kylo ren look without a shirt on uh is that was that was that was that a big question don't tell me you've never wondered i no no i don't think i have well the answer is surprisingly good well okay yeah dude works out so what else happens in the movie oh well there's a really powerful scene where kylo ren with his shirt on is gonna kill his mom leia like he killed his father exactly but at the last second he stops himself wow but then it's too late leia's command post is hit by another ship from the first order incredible yeah and we see her body floating through space and it's a really beautiful end for the character because you should ever fly back what leia have her fly back like mary poppins um but how you know mary poppins yeah yeah yeah i know mary poppins have her fly back like mary poppins but how she uses the force i don't know okay i mean i don't really have plans for her for the rest of the movie but she could be in a coma it's cool yeah no sure i'll have her fly back like mary poppins awesome thanks i i really like mary poppins you're welcome so i'm still not getting exactly what this movie is about okay well basically imagine a car chase yeah sounds exciting now imagine that chase was happening in space and really slowly right so basically that's it the first order is waiting for the resistance to run out of fuel so they can blow them up that doesn't sound super thrilling it's not and also the resistance can't go light speed because the first order can track them now so they just kind of they just kind of float around for the whole movie so then finn and this new character rose go on a super long side quest that doesn't work it doesn't work at all not even a little and they go to this casino city and they see like slave children and slave animals oh that's awful yeah and they managed to free the animals so they're like you know what no matter what happens this was worth it not the slave children no they're still slaves and what's the deal with this rose character why is she in this well she's there so finn can have someone to say funny things to right makes sense also at the end of the movie finn is gonna make this amazing self-sacrifice and save the day and she swoops in and stops him why because she wanted a little kiss oh that's cute i guess yeah and it really comes out of nowhere because there was no romantic chemistry there whatsoever and she stops him from saving the day doesn't that put everybody's lives in danger it does i mean luke shows up and saves the day but she didn't know that was gonna happen and what about some of the other characters what about bb-8 well bb-8 is now a superhero really yeah he's basically the best fighter in the movie wow what about uh captain phasma oh well i thought she was really underused in the first movie agreed so i did that again oh yeah and also she dies wow but we do find out her armor is like really strong like blaster proof how come only she has that armor and not all the stormtroopers i don't know and ray yeah she gets a lot stronger in this movie with little to no training or struggle it's like the classic hero's journey but you cut out all the middle stuff exactly uh what else happens we have r2d2 and c3po they both show up and they're like hey hey we're in this fan service and also there's a purple-haired vice admiral that keeps secrets for no reason and kylo ren and ray slide into each other's force dms okay now let's talk merchandise okay you mentioned bb8 but i feel like we need something new to sell toys yeah makes sense i know it's gonna be tough to come up with something that people just blindly throw money at actually super easy barely an inconvenience really yeah just what are what are two creatures that people find cute i don't know uh seals and penguins perfect i'll mix those two together and put a bunch of them on luke's island are you gonna incorporate them into the plot somehow no okay this is fun what else can we come up with okay uh what are some amazing gifts you'd surprise your wife with i don't know maybe a puppy or some jewelry okay so how about [Music] so you have a star wars sequel for me yes sir i do so in the opening text crawl we're gonna find out that palpatine is alive again and he sent out a transmission to everybody oh palpatine is back how is that possible well the dark side is a pathway to many abilities some would consider unnatural oh very vague what does that mean it means get all the way off my back about this and don't bring it up again oh okay let me get off of that thing so it turns out he was pulling the strings this whole time like he created snoke seriously yup we just we didn't see him because he was in a basement with strobe lights it's so strange that we never hinted at this at all whatsoever in any way yeah uh-huh pretty crazy but this was this was always the plan was it though i mean i mean yeah i wouldn't start a trilogy without a road map you know i wouldn't i didn't do that well okay then so what happens in this thing well you know how in the last jedi we found out that rey's parents are nobody right yeah between that and the broom kid it seemed like maybe we were going for like a hopeful message like the force can be with anyone you don't have to be related well it turns out that rey is palpatine's granddaughter oh she is yeah yeah yeah pretty cool right so that means that palpatine has gotten you know intimate oh my god yeah no i guess it does oh no oh no no no no oh i'm picturing it so am i and i hate it do it oh he for sure said that okay maybe we can move on i would literally love nothing more so what happens in the movie well the good guys want to get to palpatine but to do that they need to get a thing okay but to get that thing they're gonna have to go to a place and get another thing and go to another place and get another thing okay kind of sounds like a lot of fetch quests like in a video game well people love video games that's a good point video games make money so where do they go well they go to burning man and they meet lando calrissian remember he's from the other movies he is and he's like i have a bad feeling about this he says the thing he says it and then the good guys are gonna get chased by stormtroopers and end up in a tunnel uh-oh that's not good actually it is because they find a dagger that's a clue to the exact thing they're looking for oh wow what are the odds of ending up in that exact spot after a chase astronomical but this is space so that's okay can't argue with that so anyway then rey heals a giant snake and they get out of there she heals a snake what are you talking about well you can heal people and animals by giving them some life force or something i decided oh suddenly deciding that the force can do things is tight it is so anyway this dagger has sith writing on it that only c3po can understand but he can't translate why because of his programming but actually why to extend the plot a little okay gotcha so they need to go to the southern planet to translate it but chewie gets captured oh no yeah and he's been taken away on a ship but rey accidentally blows it up oh my god she kills chewbacca that's such a powerful shocking moment i can't believe it well that's good because it doesn't actually happen what well i want this film to have impactful moments but i don't really want to deal with the actual impact so i'll usually you know undo them immediately oh really yeah so chewbacca blows up but it turns out he was on another ship so it's okay okay c-3po has his memory wiped and has to say bye to his friends but r2 has a backup so it's okay wow ray stabs kylo ren but then heals him so it's okay could have been an interesting one a planet blows up with the characters we know get off it somehow so it's okay well so not really many consequences at all well when luke said no one's ever really gone in the last movie i really took that to heart as you know a storytelling device yeah sure seems that way yeah so both luke and han are gonna come hang out a bit too sure why not so anyway then they're gonna go to another planet to meet a power ranger that poe used to date and a little alien dude named babu frick oh what's his deal oh well he's just the cutest little merchandising opportunity i love it so then they go rescue chewie and they get helped by hux because it turns out he's a spy now oh interesting it'll be cool to see how that plays out through the movie oh no he dies right away oh he does yeah we'll see in the last jedi we turned him into a little baby boy so i had to replace him with somebody intimidating if you say so i do so then the good guys go to another planet and discover that the dagger points at a thing they need to get to go to a place what the dagger tells them where to go yeah it turns out that somebody made this thing so if you stand in a very specific spot and point it at the death star wreckage it shows you where you need to go and they just happen to be standing in that specific spot and they just happen to be standing in that specific spot wow wow wow so then ray finds this gps thing that she needs but then she's confronted by an evil version of herself for about 10 seconds why does that happen so we can show it in the trailer that's smart so then rey and kylo ren have a fight and finn is also there for some reason oh yeah what's finn up do in this movie well he's gonna be there for sure that sounds good to me he's also gonna meet some other ex-stormtroopers that defected too oh that's good driving home the fact that stormtroopers are like real people you know exactly and finn's also gonna kill a bunch of stormtroopers oh he is yeah he's pretty good at it now but i guess he has no choice right so it's like a somber moment when he has to do it i don't know he shouts woo a lot when he kills them wow i don't know how this guy feels about stormtroopers unclear sir he also has a big secret he's about to tell rey when he thinks they're gonna die oh what is it i don't know fair enough and what about rose what about her well i mean she was a major player in the last movie her and finn kissed at the end of it right yeah but she has to study so she has to study i mean she would have gone on the adventure but she has like a lot of studying to do well okay then and what about maz kanata are we gonna get answers answers about what well in the force awakens han asked how she got luke's lightsaber and she was like good question for another time oh yeah well that is a good question for sure yeah but like probably best for another time did you forget to pay that off i forgot to pay that off that's okay it happens i mean a lot so anyway then rey's gonna go confront palpatine on this planet called exigal okay and the resistance are gonna fight a massive fleet of star destroyers how did palpatine build so many star destroyers and and staff them by being off screen for several movies that works for me so what ends up happening on testicle exiggle what did i say well palpatine is like you know ray if you kill me my spirit's gonna take over your body i guess that can be a thing and then ben shows up and palpatine's like ooh a force dyad a force dyad a forced dyad so then he turns into a dementor and starts sucking the life out of them so stuff is just kind of happening huh stuff's just kind of happening so then he throws ben off a cliff thing uh-oh and then everything's just going awful i mean there are way too many enemies in the space battle oh man it's going to be tough for the resistance to win now actually it's going to be super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah because see just when it seems like all hope is lost falcon's going to be like on your left and a bunch of heroes show up what sorry lando's gonna be like we're here and a bunch of heroes show up oh very cool and then palpatine's gonna use lightning to attack ray and he's gonna be like i am all the sick wow wow wow and then tony's gonna be like and i am iron man what sorry ray's gonna be like and i am all the jedi i love it and so he's shooting lightning at her and she's blocking it with a lightsaber yeah yeah and they're struggling but then she uses two lightsabers and that does the trick he gets hit with his own lightning couldn't he have just stopped shooting the lightning yeah but he doesn't that's kind of his thing it does seem to be that guy zaps himself a lot so then rey dies oh okay but then it turns out ben isn't dead because falling off of things doesn't really mean anything in star wars right and then he transfers some life force to rey so she wakes up wow they should kiss what they should have a little kissy kiss well i don't really know that there was like a romantic make them kiss okay yeah so they kiss and and then he dies oh he dies well yeah he transferred the last of his life force to her oh so she can like transfer it back to him now yeah but she doesn't oh savage so then all the good guys are going to have a big party very fun and lando and this ex-stormtrooper girl talk about how she doesn't know where she's from and he's going to be like well let's find out what does that mean unclear sir either a spin-off adventure or he's going to hook up with somebody 55 years younger than him well that's either exciting or gross potentially both so what do you think overall well it sounds great but one thing's kind of bugging me what's that sir well you said that palpatine like transmits a message i just wish we could hear what it was oh yeah i actually had a pretty cool idea about that oh you did yeah yeah yeah have you heard of fortnite what [Music] hey guys it's ryan here hope you like that pitch meeting there are over 100 episodes of pitch meeting on the channel that you can check out i also have some other videos on there so click around also let me know in the comment section what other movies you'd like to see these pitches for don't forget to hit the like button the subscribe button the bell button the button button i don't know thanks for watching guys i'll see you next time

Channel: Screen Rant

Views: 934,571

Rating: 4.9177828 out of 5

Keywords: Screen Rant, Screen Rant Pitch Meetings, Star Wars Pitch Meetings, Star Wars Pitch Meetings Compilation, Pitch Meetings Compilation, Ryan George Compilation, All Star Wars Pitch Meetings, Star Wars Ryan George, luke skywalker, star wars movies, screenrant

Id: o_le0iRslrU

Length: 65min 21sec (3921 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 29 2020