Try Not To Laugh on The Graham Norton Show | Part Five

age sucks and you gotta face it yeah but is it because america is really so youth obsessed i mean how and in the film you show you know kind of that it is hard for a woman of your age to get the job it's beyond difficult the only jobs really left now for women unless they get friendly with people to do films but the only jobs that are really commercials i just thank god my i made my yearly nut this year on a product called girly which is for dry vagina and it's well anyone knows the heartbreak of dry [Applause] vaginas i was perfect for it cattle's follow me [Applause] home three jewish men are trying to rent my uterus instead of going to miami and this thank god for these commercials there's one called an uh zestra is that come here yet it's like woman's uh viagra has that happened here yet it's women's viagra and they have this big discussion with me should they make it in pill form this is honest to god truth it was in the newspapers pill form or cream because they didn't know which would do better and they finally decide these idiots will do it in cream because if it's in pill form in a bar a man can drop it in a woman's drink and she won't know it but if you're in a bar and a guy goes so where you from [Applause] i was back there freaking out you're like the first person who said it perfectly really yeah i'll stop now i won't say it again amazing 15 years and then you came along it all changes here by the way you guys do you know each other outside of being back there or on a sofa i know john and i don't know steve no no cause i've seen him on the telly you know that's not real i know i know now it is jubilee weekend uh do you have plans anybody got plans i uh i didn't realize it was jubilee weekend but when i got here i got in town a couple days ago and was invited uh i guess to sit next to the queen um on the boat going down there that's amazing i'm not gonna do it i don't i don't know her four hours and what are we gonna talk about i don't own crowns or tiaras or no i don't know if you're joking or not are you joking oh no i'm completely joking he has been invited on the boat i'm really confused now well no did you lie to him as well to me as well yes john it's a great story it really is i didn't even know there was going to be a boat and at least you were thinking do they know i have an oscar do they not know just another thing you don't have in common with the queen now charlize theron now we're delighted you're here for all sorts of reasons i'm so happy to be i'm a huge fan thank you episode one the doctor's thing yeah did that really happen yeah my mum will kill me for telling this because it was my uh our family doctors and i i he'd been our family my doctor since i was a child but i went as an adult because i i was there's something wrong with my bum you said bum you looked at me directly in the eyes i'm sorry i'm aroused and unnerved there was something but there was something wrong with my bum [Laughter] there's this thing wrong with my bum and he went okay and i went so what'd you think he goes well it'll probably be all right and i said well i would really like it i'd like you to just if you could make me feel better about if i feel better that it will be all right and he went it'll probably clear itself up and i said yeah but is there any way i could be sure and he went ah you want me to put my finger up there don't you maybe there's a reason but what is the reason that you film it in the school you used to teach in i think it's therapy probably i'm in the actual classroom where i talk because i was just to keep the theme going a real teacher for a long time yeah i taught for yeah six years in the school that we film it in the classroom that i'm going mad in and i that's that's really well that was my classroom yeah but you did it did you ever enjoy it was there ever a moment when you thought oh i like this i don't know okay well i met some very nice people there and the kids must like you you were nominated for teacher of the year weren't you yes i was great i was yeah you know yes i've told this story many times teacher of the year is a very prestigious award that's taken very seriously and rightly by the hard-working teaching community and my head teacher called me in and he was wetting himself laughing he couldn't stop laughing for the first 10 minutes and he went i went what why have you called me here he goes you've been um a teacher of the year awards have been nominated and i went oh okay and it was by a very sweet girl called gemma i've humiliated many times and it's a six-page document that people have to fill in for the reasons why you should be nominated for teacher of the year it was blank aside from one sentence that she'd written on it which was of the reasons why you think he should be teacher of the year and she'd written he's a well good laugh and he don't make us do no work why haven't we seen more of you two together it's a pairing it really is it's a match made in heaven oh yeah now um jackie chan yes jackie chan uh yes what i haven't done that once i'm very similar i'm sitting on my hands i'm going jackie chan i'm not doing this because is it true that everyone just goes jackie chan yeah i really hate that you know whenever i go you know in europe in america especially the father with children look yeah why why nobody say robert de niro that's robert de niro wow dustin hoffman [Laughter] one day one day i hope people wow that's a jackie chan yes yes there's jackie chan i'm trying i'm trying to restrain myself you just come from the the cannes film festival yeah can film do you enjoy things like that are they fun or is it just like business the the the whole thing about the those big uh events they call them you know particularly in candles red carpet things and do you enjoy them do you like doing that no i can't do any of that i really can't i've seen you i did go well have you on a red carpet i don't think so no have you i've seen you show up at things not much to be honest but you've you've done posh things you've you've mixed with roy you've met the queen haven't you i have met the queen yes i have no queen adam i think it was a uh one of those receptions for people in the arts you should have been there graham honey i watched you were overlooked yes i was yeah yeah i was you know what i was amazed at with the queen she's very tiny which is something for me today because i'm quite short and she moves as if on rollerblades she just slides up like that is there's no actual walking skull i don't know what's going on under there she might be on casters but as she comes to where you are the group where you are uh for a start you have to you have to tussle with that whole idea of will you curtsy weren't you cursing will you curtsy and i decided before no look curtsy it's no i'm not going to bow down before roy i'm not going to and then immediately you do immediately you cursing far too much and then and then the queen says there was a group about four of us around her and she says a very small thing you know so are you enjoying the evening and everybody goes like this i think people are just nervous are they eager to please don't want to be beheaded or something so the queen i'm sure must think that she's a great comedian or something that's all she sees is people fawning and laughing at everything she says i was doing it i remember and a long long time ago my english is so bad in that time uh remember when queen raise your hand you use your hand otherwise you're standing here blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and you're right what your royal highness yes yes yeah i didn't have to remember your royal highness you were right highness dennis what we playing around queen's coming quiz come in there everybody what should i say then i see the queen stop stop stop so quick oh okay then when she comes you're right she keep talking to me my head is empty i don't know what she's talking about [Laughter] you know honestly again go go away leave me alone of course i'm so happy just standing here more than like a three minute five minutes but i just don't go away please don't talk to me anymore that's right if they're in new zealand that's right yes and they've been stopped they got whisked off on a little um oh that's trolling that's a hell of a all i service was a glass of champagne can we say whisked on bbc one i think you can't say whisked off [Applause] did you drive yourself here tonight no no no no i've got my driving list license no and still aren't driving me would you get in the car with him in a black mariah no it depends but now my husband is officially allowed to drive yes i would get in a car with him he took 61 years but i mean in terms of teaching you didn't know well before i was too pissed to draw yeah okay fair enough i mean i would go for my test and i'll go let's see me and i go no mr osborne come back another day i'm not even getting in the car with you walking around the test center with a bottle of eye cream i probably didn't go anything did you learn in a manual or an automatic i can drive anything one of those few tricks is there anything you can use yet no i'll go is there anything that can go on bbc one not yet you've just had a promotion it's all dvd extras i know but it's a proper western i mean we see tom hanks gun toten which we rarely see well i don't have i don't wear one i am given one later on so it's not like you know i'm not doing the root and tubing kind of but i i i i ride a horse and um i drive a wagon and i've discovered so i'm not a i'm not a writer per se but i did learn i i had a fabulous got to know a fabulous horp named wimpy who was my horse wimpy was my fault and um i don't know if anybody here is has ridden a lot or made a western emily has a couple of westerns under her belt as i recall emily my darling how are you how are you wonderful to see it's good to see you do you know i'm about to do a western like next january i'm doing a six-part western and we were just discussing how allergic i am to horses and i do every scene with a horse you know i'm going to be antihistamined up to my eyeball do you have to kiss the horse isn't that what happens in western to make out with your horse you you develop an affection for those beasts every morning you throw your arms around with you how are you my darling little chestnut i'm so nuts which you sort of have to do because i have a feeling that horses honestly they would much rather live in a world without human beings climbing on top of them and they know the moment you climb on their back that you're terrible at riding like i mean i've been learning right now i'm i'm in london now rehearsing for it and i go riding three times a week and every time they give me a different horse to see you know how you fell oh with one that's more sporty or one that's less of a ferrari and i got on one the other day called rusty oh my god they almost took off with me it was terrifying i couldn't walk the next day rusty did me in [Laughter] rusty did her in rusty did man oh wow is that the name of the film oh my god look at you now sir patrick stewart and you don't really use this sir much do you um or should i sorry should i have been calling you no i shouldn't am i supposed to no okay but but no do you i take my lead from whom we've both shared some time with yes and uh he is he is so phlegmatic about all of that and and i just you know it's a great honor but it's not something that i need to press when you bump into another sir when you're out and about do you then do you you call each other well yeah so you must roll in circles circles [Applause] so how do you become a sir um patrick well you know it's a case of um i got mine on the queen's birthday honors but you have reminded me that i did have a sir encounter only a few weeks ago in los angeles a rather fancy in fact extremely fancy restaurant tell them what it is they'll know um it was the uh the the tower bar no yeah no yeah guys that's cool no no no no no no no no se say it again look at this oh man [Applause] keep going you keep going keep going okay no the towel bar is the spot i got a feeling this isn't gonna work out um so we had four of us were seated at a table about 15 minutes later into the restaurant walks sir paul mccartney wow good now paul and i have a very slender relationship but it's lasted decades okay i first encountered him in 1964. no when his girlfriend jane asher then told him that i loved aston martin's i was driving a battered old ford but aston martins were my dream car she told him this and one night yeah we knew he was seeing the show there was a knock on my door and i said yeah come in i'm there in my underwear like as usual and the door opened and standing there was paul mccartney who i had never met before and this was 1964 and uh he said jane says that you like aston martin's here drive this wow and he tossed a bunch of keys off pretty cool and it was an ass it was amazing anyway do you want to hear the rest let's keep going keep going we're in we're in the fanciest restaurant in l.a we're now in the tower i am feeling less and less good keep going keep going you're in there so paul mccartney has come in you've known him he's in the 60s and uh he sees me and comes over and uh i stand up and say hi and we have a big hug in the restaurant and i'm very much aware that there's all the tables are full and this kind of thing and we talk for five or six minutes and he goes and sits down five minutes go by and into the restaurant walks so ringo starr i swear to you i'm not saying i'm not making this were they together they were they were oh they were at the same table they were the same yes um well uh we we are at the tower i am expecting so many free meals and um we finish early and i get up to go and paul stands up to say goodbye and we have a hug and as we have a hug he says into my ear do you know ringo i said yeah of course i've never met him but he said oh boy ringo come on come over here hang on a minute he said sir ringo sir patrick sir paul hey we've got the knights of the roundtable [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: The Graham Norton Show

Views: 3,523,552

Keywords: Graham Norton, Graham Norton Show, The Graham Norton Show, The Graham Norton Show official, The Graham Norton Show new series, Graham Norton 2020, The Graham Norton Show 2020, The Graham Norton Show new, Graham Norton Show Best Moments, Graham Norton Show funniest moments, Graham Norton Show new series, joan rivers, greg davies, jackie chan, patrick stweart, jamie foxx, michael b jordon, graham norton try not to laugh, jon hamm, charlize theron, ricky gervais

Id: STRHJkQj8hQ

Length: 21min 6sec (1266 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 03 2021