Graham Norton LOVES The Scottish! | The Graham Norton Show | Part Two

billy connolly mrs brown was that that was your first big acting break wasn't it yeah and is it because of that movie that you got invited to have dinner with the queen no that was a because i was friendly with fergie at the time that dates this story and obviously you have to be on your best behavior don't you have a particular trick that you do is it a dinner party to do it or is it buffets or what oh yeah the thing it's not a buffet it was a thing myself and some actor friends did at edinburgh festival many years ago it hadn't been a festival you're often asked to these buffets with the lord mayor and people like that and they give you the paper plates and those tomatoes and bits and stuff and a plastic fork and a drink so you can't do anything with either those there's no way you put the drink down in your tomatoes keep rolling around it becomes one of those little things you used to get to put ball bearings in mickey mouse's eyes [Music] so here's what you do if you're ever at one of those buffets it's the best the only thing you can do is you put your willy on the plate and then you get some salad i put it on the top don't put dressing on no you mustn't make a big mountain of it that's true you just do enough so to look as there's something lurking in the long run and then and then you just walk along and mingle with people hello and then you daily you dare each other to talk go and talk to the lord mayor's wife talk about salad and they do a lovely salad and you can see the women going i didn't see the sausage rolls beware because those white plastic forks very sharp you'll be pissing like a fountain [Applause] and kevin i was saying the introduction i mean your success is extraordinary now you know i'm sitting beside the guy that's pulled on three and a half billion dollars my success has been all right i'm sorry to bring you down you walk down here high as a kite and that's like but no but you must get soft on the streets and stuff like that now aye usually by people collecting for charities i asked to sign 25 copies uh 25 pirate copies of my own dvd can you understand anything kevin i said no i got something about balls at the end is that what yeah he said balls yeah he did say no can you seriously not understand not very much i was going to kind of question him as he was going along but actually tried the show in america than one gig a guy complimented me approached me after the set and he goes hey man are you actually scottish and i said yes and it goes [ __ ] man your english is pretty good because james now scottish phrases have you taught because you've worked with jessica a lot have you taught her any scottish phrases or i don't think i've taught her too much but i remember sitting here on this couch a while ago with them uh i was about to say dame metal street but she's not a dame no you should be you're right american yeah american game called meadow street and uh and i tried a scottish phrasing or to see if you could understand what i was saying so i'll try it on okay oh yeah all right this place is pure hoaching me ball bags it's hot this place is pure hoaching my ball bags this place is pier ho chi minh balbans yeah but what does it mean it means that this place is making your balls feel this place is full of egypt or idiots oh not very nice to say that you said it to merle street yeah was it was it robert redford who was very keen on your english accent oh so yeah i'm playing an american in this uh film with robert redford and i uh i'm playing an american but i don't stay in the american accent in between takes and stuff i find that quite annoying for some reason so i i go up to him and i'm like here here's the thing in blah blah and what do you think i should do this so i think you should do that and he'd be like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa do the american accent i was like i can't express myself properly if i'm like coming if i'm acting in between takes he says well can you do an english accent in between tips then i know i know and i'm like it's robert redford uh you've kind of got to do it yeah but why do you want to do an english accent because he could understand that and he couldn't understand mine tell kind of that one i mean awful as it is it sort of makes sense this next one was the cameraman's blind what you don't know anything you know i don't know nobody gives you a book to say this is how you become an actor this is what you do you're just an idiot you know drinking lager and having curry and people say now you're an actor did you send those pictures out to people no they were nothing to do with me that was a it was it was a it was a popular daily newspaper oh so they were published yes i just assumed that was you trying to be more i don't know they were published published obviously i was a style icon because alan obviously theater very important to you cabaret brought you to america and all these amazing things because how many times did you do cabaret in the end oh three i did it in london with jane horrocks actually who's playing the part that you played oh [ __ ] and kyle jones oh i love it i must see that and it's so funny i said to jane you know 26 years ago she was my sexy co-star in cabaret now she's my mom and a dustbin that's the acting industry for a lady but i did it in london and then i did it on broadway and then i did it again on broadway just a few years ago then i went back and did it again just to work before i die and which time did you have the thing where it was really hot do you know the story i'm talking about it was hot uh do you oh well well when i got hit on the head yes that was the first time on broadway oh so what happened was i was uh i was going to do a film so i've gone to la for a costume fitting and i came back and my you know on the plane you get all funny your tubes to get all funny so i did a neti pot you know that little thing you put salty water in a thing and you go up like this and it goes up your nose and goes you know that thing yeah and then so it's a it's like a thing to clean up your tubes okay uh with salty water kosher salt actually shout out to the juice that's good and uh so i was uh doing the show that night and i'm sort of lounging provocatively you know on the top of the thing and you know like when surfers get that surface drip thing an hour after surfing suddenly this stuff gushes out well i'm just lounge like that and all of a sudden a gush of water just comes out my nose and down my bare chest and i'm like wow not so sexy now so i kind of you know anvil over to the side of the stage and blew my nose and then and then i had to get down the stairs and back to them to the play and because it was a different route that i was taking because i was now off the side i ran right into a light a big huge uh light and it went i made this huge divot in my head and then for the rest of the first half i was getting more and more woozy and i'd go to open a door in my hand i couldn't find the handle and i'd be like sunny balls and then what was hilarious at the interval i went up i collapsed and i went out of my dressing room collapsed and the stage manager came up to my room and stood over me like this and went alan do you think you'll be able to do this oh i have to go to the hospital so then and so there were all these people suddenly were in my room they're all freaking out you know and i had to go to the hospital and they're trying to get my clothes off dinner and i and i was just because i at the end of the first act i had a swastika on my bum and i lifted up my coat and that was at the spotlight on my cheek and that was the end of the first like symbolize the rise of you know fascism and uh and um my bum was a conduit and it's been a conden for a lot of things uh cheers uh so anyway i was like they're also getting quicker in the car so you've got to go to the hospital and i was just getting wet wipes and going like this and like what you're doing i said well the doctor might be jewish and i'd be angry and uh and then i got to the hospital and it was indeed a very hot night it was a summer night and um i was all like i got tubes in me and wires and everything and there was a lady who'd been in the audience had fainted with heat stroke and was taken to the hospital and was in the next room to me in that same hospital wow and so they came in and i was like mask one said allen's a lady next door and she was fainting and you know blah blah would you go in and say hello and so anyway i heard them and i'm in my trolley in my little you know stretcher on wheels what do you got and with tubes and everything and i heard him go you know how you're so sad you were so excited to go and see alan coming and she goes oh i waited for months for my ticket i can't believe i missed seeing him and they went well here are you and have you done the zero gravity thing with your brother no i've been in a plane with my brother my brother was a fighter pilot in the raf and he took me up he flew tornadoes and uh i managed to get a backseat trip in a tornado with him which was extraordinary just because i never i'd know you know i never seen him at his work and there i could see just down the side i could see a bit of his helmet i guess and um he took we did a lap of scotland in about an hour and a half and it was extraordinary but it's horribly um it makes you so sick it made me very sick anyway and i think he probably was desperately trying to make me very sick as well i didn't pass out no i just puked the most the most humiliating part for me was when we la when we got back because you have to get helped out of those airplanes then and there's a ground crew that come up on a ladder and and you have to pass them your bag of puke [Laughter] you would think having uh lots of children would keep you kind of young tech savvy you know you'd know what's going on but david tennant this has not happened for you you recently found out that you got left behind in the world of texting and things well yeah i was now when you start jobs there's a because of the metoo movement and lots of you know great strides forward are being made in making sure workplaces are safe so so now different companies have different ways of coping with that and i was i had to for a show i was doing i had to sit and watch a video and prove that i'd watch this video from start to finish and it very takes you through things that are acceptable and not acceptable in the workplace and then right at the end of this sequence when it's talking about how to communicate uh on your mobile phone and what's appropriate and what isn't appropriate it says and remember the eggplant emoji is not just an eggplant and that's it i'm left going what the [ __ ] is it it's an aubergine right i mean it's but that's not what they mean there's a hole and it turns out and i i knew nothing about this there's a whole kind of language yes there is usually based around foodstuffs where they represent other things yes asking someone out for a taco could easily be misinterpreted it turns out did you know that be careful did you know about this yes of course i mean the eggplant kind of looks like it doesn't even look like an eggplant it's it's you know and then you've got the peach and then if you if you start adding to that the rain drops and all you can do anything it's always innocent clearly but do you text do you have a smartphone i do yes okay then i have no idea how that passed you by that's weird because because i thought the emojis were just meant to represent what they represented i didn't know it was this whole kind of other language you had to learn can you get explicit that's what we need yes apple needs to move forward and just call a vagina a vagina what is that and now you look very nice but i thought you know you're a scot i thought you might be sporting you know the kilt on the red carpet no no do you ever do the kilt oh yeah i've done the kill i've done the kick not in the red carpet no i don't think you should do it yeah maybe i should i love people are going yes you have in glasgow oh i did hey do you want to answer these questions for me by the way this this i mean basically did you move to america she's from scotland but but just goes wherever wherever i go yes better than i do so if i'm saying anything wrong you keep me in line apparently she will yeah minutes into the show yes you have so maybe i i wore a a kilt at my sister's wedding though in in paisley scotland and i had to go up and do a reading and and my mother and the family were in the front row and of course as you know in scotland there's a certain rule to wearing the kilts and you know i'm sitting like this everybody's kneeling forward you know and my mom is is looking at me she's doing this and she's going i think that she's telling me to pray the whole congregation is watching me so i'm like listen i'm looking out and i'm like and and then i realized that everybody is staring right oh and i'm like this is not going to go and that's why i always forget that i've worn kills it's always a disaster you

Channel: The Graham Norton Show

Views: 2,231,337

Keywords: Graham Norton, The Graham Norton Show, Graham Norton Funniest Moments, Graham Norton Funny, Graham Norton 2019, Graham Norton 2020“ Graham Norton new season, Graham Norton new series, Graham Norton best moments, Graham, Norton, show, 2020“, james mcavoy, billy connolly, gerard butler, peter capaldi, ewan mcgregor, alan cumming, david tennant, kevin bridges, graham norton scottish

Id: Bi7EDbuMH4E

Length: 15min 41sec (941 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 28 2020