Try NOT to laugh CHALLENGE! - Brooklyn 99 Edition | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

don't worry I'm not listening to you I'm just thinking about how this seab bass is cold but not as cold and cruel as the hands of Fate that have thrust my entire life into darkness ah damn it I just ordered the seab bass he has a really big wiener doesn't he wait don't tell me if that's true unless it's not no but then if you don't say anything I'll know that it is why aren't you say anything about his weener Amy Jake stop stop stop stop I don't want to hear about your ex's weener just you're not making me feel better why would you do this to me Jake stop spiraling every time you shake me I see it flopping around stop this is your final exam we're going to show you a text and then two potential responses you need to tell us which is more appropriate Amy writes leaving the Virgin Festival Gina you're looking real good girl lost a booby if you like P Dead Guy Charles sorry phds only uh actually in this context PhD stands for pretty huge oh my I can only assume that MD's only stands for medium here you go an extra $2,000 you won't get one cent more after this good oranges nice and dry not at all rip unbre my heart say you love me again you know what I like this song this that you can't he shut up don't get to shut up the nerve [Music] unbelievable these te I mean what was it with Diaz's last impossible extortion case what was it 6 hours that's because it was 98% solved the last 2% are is get that's why they leave it in the milk I read an article in the medical journal that said one destabilizing aspect of incarceration is the constant dehumanization Rosa you need to be reminded that you're more than just the number Rosa you are Rosa Rosa yep that fixes prison is there anything we can do to help you anything you need done on the outside no I'm good it's not a problem Rosa we're here for you Rosa whatever you need Rosa they seem to be in the clear are you hurt yeah you're caught on the top of the fence check out my calf it's like scratch City how about you I'm fine except I was impaled on a metal pipe oh my God oh my God it's going to be fine oh my God okay just so we're clear from this point forward I call sign will be death blade and I'll be Rum Tum Tugger no boil no characters from cats dig deep think of something scary ad off Hitler no you will be Sidewinder all right but I'm we're scared of Hitler how about you Captain what's your call sign I will be Captain Raymond Hol N I knew you wouldn't play ball and that is why your call sign is wet blanket Sidewinder this is death blade do you copy Sidewinder over this is Sidewinder death blade I read you loud and clear over do you have a 20 on wet blanket side Winder over I do have a visual over spring semester of second grade is when the Brooklyn schools do their solar system unit a highlight of which is constructing a mobile of the planets my hypothesis is that twin a and twin B requested daddy's help making Mars Sparkle hence the red glitter damn yeah that's exactly right just seems like a very complicated way of saying teran's kids thank you why' you want to meet out here because we have a huge surprise for you you found my birth mother what no the surprise isn't going to be as good as that I'm sorry that you guess but yeah after we dropped you at the hospital we went back and stole it for you now you can give it to your uncle oh my God he's going to finally let me back in the family Fabian Marco I don't know how I can ever repay you oh don't worry about it it was nothing no it was everything you guys believe in me and honestly it saved my life remember the other day at the bar when we first met I was all alone and having some pretty dark thoughts really yeah I was ready to just uh give up oh no Kyle on my rap career oh went somewhere different than I thought I'm glad that you kept rapping thanks you're the two best dudes I've ever known that's nice and hey guess what you did find my birth mother no I was going to say you're a great guy too but I'm sorry I keep teeing that up but you're looking for her shirs I don't know where gar Baldi is all right it's not like we were close I was just his trainer at the gym then why were you always going out to dinner with him was he doing reps of Linguini nice I love terrible coffee now let's put away Richard Wilcox at no good Punk he's 86 years old you don't outgrow Punk sir and so onto the briefcase goes the ground didn't sing it with me plus I mean I can teach you guys how to fake take real drugs like a pro I used to do it all the time when I was undercover all you got to do is close your nostril when you go down watch this nope I didn't do it that time I got a full snout full woo okay no let me just try it again I'm a little rusty all you got to do just close the old noston and the oh boy I got more that time where did you get this Adrian that's enough we can make fake cocane for ourselves out of vitamin B powder ooh vitamin B the second best vitamin guys I'm telling you the fake snoring can work what oh oh I got so much that time anybody want to listen to jir right now okay I'm just going to move this away from your nose hole nice two to the chest textbook shooting yeah and his overalls fell down I can't believe you would kill a farmer the backbone of our nation's economy may I when it comes to shooting patterns I like to go PB&J penis brain jaw nice shooting man but do you think the penis is an effective Target interesting fact a man can run half a mile with no genitals that's a weird thing to know a lot about you screwed this up buddy you think she's going to still love you after this she'll see who you are now hey you don't know anything about me and Sophia what I'm talking to myself about my wife she is not going to like this who cares about you and your gross life shall we have a read off Santiago we don't have finger guards so we do it raw what a themometer look at the Mercury reservoir on that mam I don't see anything that's because it's all war [Applause] now if you'll excuse me I got to drive this batch back to work what oh sorry this is the iura bot 5000 brand new model just came in I was going to go for the 10,000 but that [ __ ] is way too fancy New York's finest just got a whole lot finer give me that well I know everything Hitchcock left his phone in the bathroom again and guess what I found on it I needed the cash I didn't know they'd be filming text chains why are you putting a gun in your mouth I'm blowing smoke off the barrel it's cool the barrel is fully inside your mouth you're clearly about to kill yourself you're just jealous cuz he's got the arrest record and you don't yeah suck on this cck you pulled the trigger man that was a suicide how great is this guy Greg wait that's Greg the stoner yeah look at him he's such a roster oh total rosta boom boom boom boom Hey where's my eye contact I got the files I told you it would work wait what's WR they formed a line Jake they formed a line if you see something say something come on and party tonight hey what's up guys look I'm sorry I'm a little busy right now I got some female companions over you know oh really what are they like some nerdy sci-fi fans or good Lord I don't know what I'm looking at I told you man he pulls he pulls stop saying puls come on Claire I thought you came to play yikes do you know how many crimes we're forgiving six it's not so bad 100 oh that's way more Grand Theft Auto Grand Theft Auto Grand Theft Auto dog fraud AA a guy fake pan twas a cat you will not win me over with your use of twas wasn't trying to you've lost your mind what who told you that was it room it's behind one of these three doors why don't you pick one are you trying to Monty Hall me it's unbelievable I don't need Monty Hall ruining my place of work when Monty Hall has already ruined my home life come on Sir the math thing isn't the problem night shift's keeping you and Kevin apart you two just need a bone what did you say don't say it again I said you two need a bone how dare you detective Diaz I am your Superior officer bone what happens in my bedroom detective is none of your business bone don't ever speak to me like that again why did you do that no no no no don't need the [Music] burrito I'm disgusting yes yes I love it real Cruella Deville Vibes no no no I'm not Cruella Deville I would never hurt dogs I'm prita who the Romantic lead of the film pongo's wife the girl dog yes yes of course you look exactly like prita oh my God thank you so much hey Debbie treat her gently you know that's not a nice car right say that again damn cat be cool say that again that's what I thought I'll be in the venue you don't have locks on your windows way to blame the victim sorry I'm not rich like you miss 1% they cost $8 you have a fur bed spread okay this is very scary but it's okay because you're trained pilot no I'm not I'm selftaught what oh yeah you can learn anything online oh you should see me do origami oh do you know how to do a frog oh no can you do a swan no can you do a crane what's a crane okay he does not know how to fly a plane we begin with a simple hello and then we wait so it's not to seem too aggressive no he sent us a picture of penis yeah got just sent 15 more oh God it's horrible I love playing doctor as a child the cancer is spread get your house in order this could be just what I need to turn my life around yeah Bel you can keep the panny back I don't have to do anything for it do I because I will if you ask I'll do anything even what's that supposed to represent no one answer that I know there's been a lot of misconceptions about my financial situation but I am ready to put that to rest right now boom goes the dynamite oh my God and so concludes this year's secret Center drawing just a quick reminder of the rules $40 limit no perishable items and no homemade massage coupons hitchc fine then everyone will have to pay full price for them Oh Captain I would like a $40 gift card to any restaurant that serves nachos I don't have you bralo not only do I know that you do indeed have me but I also Al know who everyone else has that's not possible perhaps not for ordinary men such as yourself Jeffs but for the brilliant mind of detective Jacob Sherlock Peralta I legally changed my name it's quite simply Elementary for you see Amy made a face I only recognized from our bedroom which means that she has Captain Holt Charles has Terry his eyes keep shifting over to him no they don't Terry looked disgusted which means he has Hitchcock Rosa didn't draw a name nor did she put one in she doesn't want to participate never Hitchcock moves his mouth when he reads and he quite clearly said Charles I did get Charles Scully has Amy he's holding his paper name side out oh he's good and I have Scully which means Captain Hol has me I'll be taking that gift card Daddy loves nachos should we draw the names again and leave Jak out yeah no Sherlock wants a present okay it's time to celebrate you know what that means this B needs a c in her a oh my God this babe needs a coconut in her arms Oh I thought you were saying this oh my God yeah that was my reaction all right I'll go get us a couple of coconuts Santiago when I of your compat reports one word comes to mind wow and that wow is an acronym for wow oh wow what is happening he's buttering his up before giving us some devastatingly bad news my God Jake and Charles are dead the lab faked the blood results none of the officers are actually sick which means they have no excuse to missw work well unfortunately that is stop I know you're going to twist my words into some vicious attack on you and the NYPD so before you do that I'd like the pleasure of making the vicious attack myself sir your insults are kind of known to be a too thinky maybe you should just let you are a and I hope you get shove right into your wow well that was definitely not too thinky right there on the floor is the man you're looking for he's right in front of you a little bit to the left my left my left my left my left come on this way he's in a red shirt no not the dud ingredients carrot got to respect it damn Gina what is that oh it's a sloppy Jessica mac and cheese chili pizza on a bun it's everything I've wanted to eat for the last 48 hours what happened I thought you were going to last forever [ __ ] turns out I gave up easy you hear that [ __ ] I gave up so easy Bo why don't you show donger what a fax machine is okay imagine a letter had unprotected sex with a phone you need to go to a hospital right now I don't want a birth happening around me it's way too gross I'm nowhere near giving birth I haven't even lost my mucous plug Amy you need to get the out of here I'm sorry my baby grosses you out Rosa I'm excited to meet your baby when it's clean and wearing clothes and not blasting out of you like some half Cuban Jimmy Neutron commissioner Grayson how's your wife commissioner Grayson how's your wife no that just sounds like you really want to know how she is insinuate maybe had a pause before wife commissioner Grayson how's your wife too long f it oh this is not my strong suit no no sir sir sir you're doing great just forget the pause use your eyebrows like this how's your pump pump pump wife how's your pump pump pump wife it was a little bit better in my head try this how's your pump wife pump pump and on a double pump this risky you'll see right through me how about pump pump how's your pump you forgot to say wife a good note your's on here gorgeous I love it you open you keep it shut I really need this saale okay all right hello don't hurt me I'm someone's little boy next time you see me I'm going to be all out of orgasm no you can't say that while you're hugging someone hello the question was what is it about me that screams loser okay it's going to be okay you're a busy Sergeant they can't always expect you to be friendly let's do this Jeffs hey Ser Bill what up man you were right Terry loves to be loved hey Monica hey Doug who want a n so how's it going what do you want Terry or you just here to Fan some more Flames no I'm just here to see who's losing and therefore has to wear this hat I made that says more stupider fine yeah I'm fan in Flames fan fan fan fan fan Santiago don't call her Santiago call her Virginia slim because I'm smoking her damn Ray you guys are moving fast but there's no way you're actually comprehending anything I'm taking my time and reading deliberately and you know what they say slow and steady wins the race classic reg reader bull craft yeah what are you going to say next that you read to [Laughter] relax what the hell I thought you guys would be more excited than that Charles you didn't even faint I'm so sorry I'll try it's not working somebody choke me on it Rosa you're going to let some quack doctor just knife around down there you were blessed with a great power and you should never snip its wings you should let it soar thanks guys that's enough I don't need any more input neither does your wife I guess for you and you and you what are these these madam are STDs what are you talking about Buddy STDs save the dates for Vivian and my wedding ah yes hey just out of curiosity how many people have you given us TDS too Lots like a hundred what's going on uh oh okay I get it STD has another meaning you're gross no one else is going to think that everyone is going to think that but it's sweet that your mind didn't go there thank you it is kind of sweet will your first dance be to you give me fever will you be serving crabs at the reception do you have herpes guys this is my wedding this is important to me no more jokes you're right and we're sorry yes we love you buddy warts and all sorry I made a rash decision I was itching to say it okay I'm done I have an STD he was talking about his penis I know Jake he pulls Rosa he pulls that's all I'm saying we all miss Jake and Rosa which is why we have to keep working in case there has to be some way to exonerate him I've been looking but I can't find anything and I don't know what to do I can't find anything and I don't know what to do title of your sex tape what is happening right now they caught Hawkins trying to flee the country she confessed to everything they let me out oh my God Jake is it really you are you really here you know it baby but first I got to hug my best friend what welcome back Peralta I just heard from the mayor to apologize for what happened to you they're sending you to Disney World you and one male guest as long as I don't have to go on any of the scary rides I just go for the shows boil boil boil boil boil boil boil were you dreaming about Jake again why did you wake me up I told you never to wake me up I witness saw you your DNA is all over the scene and I caught you red-handed making a hostage video your is cooked that's not a saying it's Goose about a goose I'm talking about cooking a penis guys I have a great idea for a prank before Hol comes in I'm going to put ink on the podium where he puts his hands I don't think you fall for that I did how I haven't even opened this yet I guess it's unrelated Captain hold hates pranks this is going to backfire man G fine I'll tone it down I'll move his Podium a foot to the left what he'll be so angry okay 5 in five three three one one all right I'll move it a half inch fine it's your funeral oh my God worst prank ever so stupid h's not even going to notice good morning you guys it the podium you're crazy how did you pull this off oh look at these pictures my brother sent of Matthew we should do this someday what do you think are you kidding me of course I was talking about going to the water park you were talking about having kids yeah I said do you think we can afford it and you said we'll start saving right away so let me get this straight all that water park money I've been saving you want to spend it on kids now yeah why would you want to spend that much money on a water park detective Diaz would you please tell the court exactly how you were involved in this case I caught Mr lad physically beating his boss with a fax machine most of his cheek was caved in his head was basically a blood Fountain how you feeling Gina uh sometimes I feel like a nut sometimes I don't alond Joy got nuts Mounds don't she's very hopped up on painkillers hold up when did you learn French mon your la oh as a baby it actually helps to play along I'm assuming yeah not a problem we will be home by sonup just like a couple of Sexy Twilight vampires I am Robert Pon i b to thir the two of B I've never seen the movies no me neither they're an insult to the books okay normally it'd be your word against his but lucky for us you were wearing body cams yeah but the thing about cameras is that they don't really tell the full objective truth images could be distorted people often seem naked well what are you talking about oil is fully nude in the footage why I think I just figured something out I got to go aren't you forgetting something uh no pay your bill damn who raised you an NYPD officer has gone missing the department suspects Foul Play Oh my god do we know the officer yes it's Sergeant peanut butter my Nemesis your Nemesis is a horse are you still mad at peanut butter because he won a medal the same day as you he totally upstaged me he toied me look what you get if you do an image search of Charles Bole medal of valor huh they cro me out of my own fot you just keep that tab open on your phone all the time no I just looked it up real fast he didn't say captain I solved it Charles kid have peanut butter haha I did not but it's no surprise if somebody did hey my kids love that horse your kids need help wiping their butt sge they're not exactly Geniuses I got a new job I sit behind white CEOs when they have to testify before Congress so they don't look so racist every 15 minutes I just whisper some nonsense at them the texture of kiche is unsettling hey there Bo how's your weekend well well actually I got a little sick oh really I'm sorry to hear that man yeah Bullets Over Broadway was on TV and I came down with a big old Diane whest infection like yeast what's wrong Rosa out of gas yeah I got all in my mouth it was horrible but still not as bad as water see you never what's wrong Jake out of steering wheels you know that I am hey Rosa are you ready to go streaking what that's what my dad and I called getting blonde streaks in your hair we used to do to our ponytails on road trips you just take a little lemon up top and let the sun do the rest we called it giving each other roadhead you just said you called it going streaking it had a couple names hey speaking of names who's your new boyfriend oh hiya what the hell my van what are you doing whatever it takes to make Amy happy you told me to do this now let's get these gift bags to The Venue oh my God why did you do that because I care oh it feels so good why' you break a second window fool 9 hours and 55 minutes is it feel like I just sat down I have no feeling down here whatsoever hello sir sorry again for tying you spread eagle on the bed apology not accepted if we find James and he's unstable Dr take could talk him down hello Peralta Plus on the ride over he gave me a quickie a what a quick therapy session we talked about so much did you know that I have a tendency to be unconsciously sexual yes it's a real tough not to bust you're doing it again oh okay I think I hear it you think you hear it whatever let's just do this okay NYPD open up it's weird the do's are locked that's too bad I love watching you pound one out Charles what that was sexual which part all of the parts Jake really pissed me off and I want to help you take him down well that's an intriguing proposition you certainly could be useful thank you to Jak I got you Peralta you're not fooling anyone why does everyone think that's where a camera would be because the cleavage cloaks the camera with its curves that'll be all Spy sorry I said cleavage [Music]

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 287,851

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, brooklyn 99, b99, Stephanie Beatriz, Rosa Diaz, Jake Peralta, Andy Samberg, Detective Charles Boyle, Melissa Fumero, Detective Amy Santiago, Detective Jake Peralta, Terry Jeffords, Amy Santiago, Chelsea Peretti, Andre Braugher, Gina Linetti, Terry Crews, Joe Lo Truglio, brooklyn 99 i want it that way, brooklyn 99 bloopers, brooklyn 99 backstreet boys, brooklyn 99 funny moments, brooklyn 99 captain holt, brooklyn 99 cold open, brooklyn 99 full episode

Id: MBDPMm64Vt4

Length: 25min 13sec (1513 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 16 2024