Brooklyn 99 ICONIC lines that sound 10X better based on delivery | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

let's break into the FBI oh come on Captain this is such a big moment say it with more Gusto indeed like this let's break into the FBI oh I see let's break into the FBI no let's break into the FBI let's break into the FBI let's break into the FBI let's break into the FBI I feel like I'm doing it let's break into the FBI let's break into the New York's finest just got a whole lot finer give me that okay Jake don't freak out just stay calm you're on a crazy amount of blizz but your brain still works the warden was is yelling at me are you on Bliss what what makes you think that cuz you just told us okay Jake don't freak out just stay calm you're on a crazy amount of blizz but your brain still works where is my file don't worry about it that guy doesn't matter all right everybody take their seats my name is Agent Kendrick Homeland Security and I am in charge here sge I was wrong he totally matters this year scenario terrorists have stormed the capital Trust Bank building and have taken hostages nice oh cool trick I don't have a ton of free time to practice high-fiving you just made fun of us for that for practicing that's the first time we've ever tried it here are your assignments lower lower I'm at your butt lower I might buy my shoes at a kids store and yeah I might be scared of geese but I am a damn good cop and I will not be made a fool of so I'm going to go into that room and I'm going to get that lousy old gezer to admit on camera that he robbed those Banks he just died what she stole all the merch and then burned down the store she's wearing a necklace that I also ped there oh snap signs on signs on signs are you sure it's the same necklace uh yeah Jake I was punched it through a guy's throat so I'm pretty sure I remember it I stand corrected I hate the feeling of people being mad at me so what I was voted least friendly in high school and here I am a police captain do you know what Mr popularity Vincent mandale is doing these days it's a sociologist for God's sake sociologist Terry my first question is why are the two of you doing this self- evaluation together Scully doesn't handle pressure well not to brag but Scully and I have a combined total of 14 arrests would have been 20 but we only got 14 that's not enough arrests well no one asked you it's a self evaluation come on Scully [Music] come on Sir the math thing isn't the problem night shift's keeping you and Kevin apart you two just need a bone what did you say don't say it again I said you two need a bone how dare you detective Diaz I am your Superior officer bone what happens in my bedroom detective is none of your business bone don't ever speak to me like that again bye Rosa I mean not bye but but bye I mean see you I mean have fun only having sex with men just banging dudes left and right I just stopped saying bye all together why'd you stop playing garbage man I need some water what you need to do is keep practicing garbage man I don't have any more saliva and I don't have any more time for your excuses garbage man now play again 5 six I don't want your help anymore I'm not a garbage man I'm a muffin man it's 9:00 a.m. why is no one working Amy Santiago is a few minutes late and we're all trying to guess why I like to play I'd say she's in line at the bank this is fun it is fun but you're all wrong she clearly slipped through a Subway grade and is having terrible sex with a molean there she is Amy where have you been we've been worried sick do you care to explain yourself I'm just 70 seconds late it's not a big deal don't worry about it Santiago you will tell us and you will tell us now there was a problem at the bank God damn Gina do you know Captain Holt's password Terry just cuz I know all your passwords doesn't mean I know Captain Holtz okay well we could probably guess it why don't you try bald by choice or pcman or mamore Enthusiast stop saying my passwords damn Gina not Terry's got to update his keychain I can't find anything and I don't know what to do I can't find anything and I don't know what to do title of your sex tape what is happening right now they caught Hawkins trying to flee the country she confessed to everything and they let me out oh my God Jake is it really you are you really here you know it baby but first I got to hug my best friend what welcome back Peralta I just heard from the mayor to apologize for what happened to you they're sending you to Disney World you and one male guest as long as I don't have to go on any of the scary rides I just go for the shows boil boil boil boil boil boil boil were you dreaming about Jake again why did you wake me up I told you never to wake me up you can't focus on the things you didn't do focus on what you did do and more importantly focus on who you did it with Bo you're absolutely right I am my speech turned your life around no I found it tried and uninspiring but something you said resonated focus on the things you didn't do I said not to focus on the things you didn't do again your speech meant nothing I'm just picking out individual words favorite moment in the series the summoning of bastro second the Scarlet Feast third favorite when you thought had been swallowed by the nor but he had just switched armor withing the betrayer in the Battle of for Castle fourth favorite three was plenty so was Zero because you felt a little cooped up that's not it you could have cost him his life what life Raymond I spend every day lying on the floor of that house talking with Jake about popular culture do you know what it means to clap back Raymond because I do this table tastes like scully's elbow B blisters it's horrible and I deserve it I hate seeing you like this Rosa has every right to be pissed at me I didn't follow her orders and I messed up the task force the only way to make things right is to do the worst most awful thing imaginable dip your penis in vinegar what no why would you say that oh ho hold up I got a right to know who I might be in business with I need an answer on the dog thing is is it weird can somebody cough whose cough was that was that you Jake if it was you cough twice if it was somebody else cough three times sorry bad allergy day pollen count is off the charts poll count oh man how do you come up with that stuff so what's your teritory you guys are in there we don't sell on street we have loyal buyers that come to us and we need quality product our customers are Discerning check check DJ CJ on the mic I got a guide that can get you the best do apparently there's such a thing as too much Smashmouth I'm sorry we want to deal with complete strangers got two kids our own beautiful house know CJ what have you done with your life shut up shut up shut up CJ whoa whoa whoa what are you cops yes obviously we're cops put your hands up whoa who said we were cops we haven't gotten the information we needed yet Jake you're blowing it man stop talking it'll be fine I have an idea why is everyone looking at me you just said you had an idea and then you stop talking oh my goodness I'm very intoxicate pain uh that's it wait he's bringing his hand to his face don't pick your teeth don't pick your nose oh dear he's going to lick something off his fingers oh no he's stroking his chin as if in thought not as if he is in thought oh they're looking at us act natural spreadsheet spreadsheet crime crime freeing preing Serge Kevin purchased one too many full fat French yogurts you want it I absolutely enjoy Jeffords enjoy devious I know but I also put a tracker and Terry's yogurt same here no reason just cuz you're a great Sergeant Now suck it down yeah no problem take it swallow the Girt do you guys think all that radiation is bad for him I'm sure he'll be fine he's lived a long life already yeah slopey don't overthink it again now you're not thinking enough again still sloppy again again you know what why don't we try this why don't you just take that knife put it to my throat and finish the job do I look like Jake to you do I look like Jake to you no not at all then why are you trying to screw me oh my God and might I just say that this has been a dozer blast I saw what you did right there get back to work okay you guys are moving fast but there's no way you're actually comprehending anything I'm taking my time and reading deliberately and you know what they say slow and steady wins the race classic reg reader bull craft yeah what are you going to say next that you read to [Laughter] [Music] relax what what did you do to my cupcake this is yours why on Earth is your cupcake on my chair because it's very special to me so I can put it wherever I want this is your fault now you have to buy me a new Cupcake well this is outrageous you expect me to avoid oh I see mhm yeah you do the cupcake was Gertie yes your butt was Charles's car yes the chair was the parking space yes I get it your office was the garage yes I'm telling you I understand the lesson and I was the brilliant Gina lanetti in both scenarios all right we're done here okay also how weird are forks forks are very weird I've always thought so yeah yeah did we take too much cold medicine not by a long shot Bazar is a thirsty I'll Drink To That What's the best way to dry out a pant leg that's been soaked in toilet water wait 28 minutes trust me that's how long it takes for toilet pants to dry boom boom guys what we saw them take you are you okay what are you talking about oh the van thing yeah Jay the van thing those are just my friends from nutriboom they were worried about my amino acid level so they rushed me straight here to give me more or less of them I've seen you do enough of these hair brains schemes they ought to play along if Charles asks what's wrong I'll just put on a Qui smile and say nothing amazing that is actually perfect we're going to find something one skin cell one eyelash one tiny inconsistency in your story and you're going to spend the rest of your life in prison everyone who loves you will leave and you will die alone and at that time it will be your head that a bear has sex with I'm pretty sure you going for angry but in my mind it just seems like when a muet gets upset this starts going like oh you want angry I'll show you angry oh my God and he flew all the way to New York to tell me that that's so romantic it's beautiful really you're not even allowed to leave the state should we grab a cup of coffee bounce some theories off each other I solved it already oh then should we grab a cup of coffee you could tell me what you found out no we can do it here the fires were set by Richard wil a firefighter who was first on the scene at all Three Fires okay uh now I just have to work backwards figure out why he was up for a promotion and wanted to look like a hero yep but how are we going to find this bastard after all these years he owns a store I have the address okay I could drive no you don't know where we're going forgot about this one we never watched Captain carelli's mandolin what the hell did you just say captain Kelly's mandolin say that to my face captain mandol there was a movie about a mandolin and you kept it from me for 2 months well I didn't think it was any good it's just some period piece that in grease based on some dumb book terribly sorry it has been a very trying time yeah next thing you're going to say you wish we had watched Leaving Las Vegas the dark ponderous reflection on alcoholism that earn cages Oscar what I told you the guy's got rang good morning Carly tamy looks like you're keeping the machines running smoothly whatever Carly will be the first to go nobody lik cops in here so I had to earn their Respect by starting a bunch of riots who got thrown in solitary for a week what's going on with your face I hate seeing you like this so I'm flexing my eyes real hard to keep from crying it's okay we can still have a normal conversation um so how's the food look at him what he's just beautiful minding it because he's a genius he's writing the word case over and over again oh now he's spelling it with a K is that not how you spell it again I have a mouth neck and testical melting fever Jake H enough is enough you need to drop this stupid back burner Cold Case before you both die or I will kill you oh my God I thought I was following her yeah I should probably lie down here we go case and I made breakfast wait where are my eggs in my belly but then I realize if you can hide your engagement from me what else are you capable of hiding all right arson come on don't you think that's a bit of a stretch is it lab test came back and said the accelerate used in the fire was turpentine and look what I found in Bo's wife's closet looks to me a lot like turentine oh I wouldn't do that ttin just like I thought that's geneves she uses it for a painting likely story any smile that lasts longer than a second and a half is a con man's ruse that's fake that's I said it and I meant it I mean what was it with Diaz's last impossible extortion case what was it 6 hours that's because it was 98% solved the last 2% are is get that's why they leave it in the milk he's got to be connected to one of those cases somehow interesting you know what else is interesting grenades this is a room of nightmares you're the nightmare you made me kill my balloon baby look at me so drunk I'm alliterating like a beat Nick that's a code a code exciting I'll go get my pencil case I bet it's a room number third floor fifth room room 305 that's definitely it oh great great great Santiago has solved it there's something so devious about taking advantage of wine lovers but there won't be any wine where you're headed George unless you make it in a toilet toilet wine I've been on the phone for 6 hours and I just want to cancel an account yes you've mentioned the bundles and I don't want home phone service no do not transfer me Rodrigo no no no Rodrigo phds only uh actually in this context PhD stands for pretty huge oh my I can only assume that MD's only stands for medium you're looking real good girl lost a booby no matter I'll just build another one more mashed potatoes here at the Fun Zone we live by one rule when it's your birthday you're always cool parents and kids are all the same watch as I do a dance to your name dere again what's your story behind a PB&J I want a sandwich I make a sandwich I eat the sandwich I don't know why you're telling me I'm not involved you made that very clear what is this glutenous monstrosity before me the sugar in this is quite sweet that's your halt impression I could hear him doing that looks like a sticky pillow I don't care for it classical music what's going on here what are you doing Captain hey nothing just eating some marshmallows care for one marshmallow I know it do you know how many crimes we're forgiving six that's not so bad hundred oh that's way more Grand Theft Auto Grand Theft Auto Grand Theft Auto dog fraud I saw a guy fake ping TW a cat Kevin cner preparing to descend the master staircase oh I see you changed into your mock turtleneck and you into your exercise shorts excuse me I know you from somewhere did you go to my gym ah now I work out in my garage throw the tire around grab a couple of big ropes and do this hey there Bo how's your weekend well actually I got a little sick oh really I'm sorry to hear that man yeah bullet Over Broadway was on TV and I came down with a big old Diane whis infection like ye oops sorry can't even float right just push me away everyone else [Music] does that's all you pre yeah I just searched my heart and then wrote down how I was feeling I'm going to eat you alive you dumb son of a cool and then we'll have kids together yeah it's gonna be great okay sir this app's pretty simple if you don't like the guy's profile you click dang and if you do you click dang that sounds needlessly confusing why dang is bad and dang is good okay let's thin this herd untuck shirt no thank you born in San Diego yikes an adult named Todd so this is what online dating is like I didn't realize realize how good you have it with Kevin no how it hasn't changed you still have to pick someone based on looks and hope for a connection later oh Lord Lord help me I'm going for it I'm clicking dang no dang is bad click dang why is this so confusing how do I get hot Todd back we'll get some Clues solve the case make them look like fools they can eat our American dust No No Sa is probably allergic to dust oh hello yes I am allergic to dust everyone is that's what sneezes are you're what sneezes are okay will you marry me what what okay really could you stay in the cab I'm sorry I'll be right there I promise or maybe I won't what's your answer NY PD get down on the comfortable Med floor put your magical hands where we can see them you're under arrest we're ruining something perfect and money laundering yes money laundering whatever the worst part is Olsson got away that's the worst part you could have died man I wasn't hurt that badly the doctor said all my bleeding was internal that's where the blood's supposed to be look I have another kid on the way do you know how much diapers cost yes the manager at the store recognized the pup tent from two previous Sak sneaker launches and he ided the owner as one Morris Richmond who just so happens to work for KH Ed on underground electrical wires he also just so happens to live a right a here you might want to squat for this Mr evaluator I decide when squatting is necessary this was my choice how long you've been planning this a day a week a year or is this the only reason you joined the force to be begin with so you think I became a cop just so I can steal your pie your words not mine every aspect of owning a food truck is fun this fun fun fun what the hell do you want Troy just throw my spot you son of a oh go on get out of here you're I got that fair Square give me a break oh you going to call the cops I am the cops want you go back to your garbage truck and cook some pudding you're going to regret this kill yourself Troy Jake I have a confession to make the fruit truck is kind of stressing me out Olivia Crawford just got off the elevator my arrival for the commissionership she's here right now I've got to come up with a confident opening Salvo think Raymond think hello Raymond Olivia you have a little bit of goop in your eye oh thank you it's a beautiful puzzle waiting to be cracked every rule every form has its purpose it all fits together and when the puzzle is solved and you take a step back and see the big picture it's like staring into the face of God hey we moved up a spot oh you seem like a real nerd that's weird it's sunny outside why is that weird because a storm is about to rain down on that punk oh my God I fell for it and I loved it all right let's Gear Up where's that coming from oh my God there's a bomb in my chest what they put a bomb in my chest what do we do uh uh wait a second the sound's coming from my little watch I just assume there was a bomb inside you yes congratulations on moving on to the second round said I sarcastically oh you're still in this I knew a uniformed officer had been eliminated I just couldn't remember which one okay we're both graded insults let's move on time for me to get out there and spread my wi legs get out there and spread my legs well I either way no not either way only Wings the box says 20 but we know better than the bugs you see this microwave is a kitchen Pro Max bit of lightweight it's only 1.2 kilow fine for popcorn but we're talking about mama mcleon here takes a lot to get Mama hunt she's a real siiz queen well that started out fun and here we are at our normal ending Place disgusting Raymond mine you won go ahead and gloat you Toad thank you for this honor deputy chief oh okay you're welcome welcome lunch time is over boom did it had it both ways no regrets [Music]

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 560,512

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, brooklyn 99, b99, Stephanie Beatriz, Rosa Diaz, Jake Peralta, Andy Samberg, Detective Charles Boyle, Melissa Fumero, Detective Amy Santiago, Detective Jake Peralta, Terry Jeffords, Amy Santiago, Chelsea Peretti, Andre Braugher, Gina Linetti, Terry Crews, Joe Lo Truglio, brooklyn 99 i want it that way, brooklyn 99 bloopers, brooklyn 99 backstreet boys, brooklyn 99 funny moments, brooklyn 99 captain holt, brooklyn 99 cold open, brooklyn 99 full episode

Id: 998WPcx1zZw

Length: 22min 55sec (1375 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 18 2024