TOTAL WAR MEDIEVAL 2 IS A PERFECTLY BALANCED GAME WITH NO EXPLOITS - Assassin Only Challenge

hello there ladies and gentlemen I am the spiffing Britt and today we're playing medieval to total war it's an absolutely fantastic game released by Creative Assembly oh so many years ago but my goodness this game still holds up to modern standards in such a fantastic way the games first released in November of 2006 so graphically you're going to be expecting this game to be about as appealing as a visit to Slough however for its time this game is actually a bit of a graphical marvel post it might not exactly hold up to modern standards this game is an absolute beauty and I love to revisit it oh so very often but anyway as you know ladies and gentlemen we don't like to play games in the normal way and I'm going to be introducing to you that lovely ladies and gentlemen at home just how to play medieval to total war in the most perfectly balanced of ways but of course to do it we must begin let's make sure you sat back you're relaxed you have a nice warm cup of Yorkshire tea and you're ready as we dive right into this video wha-bam its single-player time so we're gonna start a brand new grand campaign now immediately we have an issue we can only play as five different factions England France the Holy Roman Empire Spain and Venice now as great as all of these sound this is actually not good we are going to need better things ladies and gentlemen as you see whilst England is amazing with a superb longbowman they are not the most perfectly balanced faction no the most perfectly balanced faction are the Milanese but we can actually players them ladies and gentlemen no because this in the fun original total war fashion you had to either win the game to unlock all the factions or just simply defeat them so in order to be the Milan we must first defeat the Milan now logically speaking I'm sure you would say hey play Venice and just walk across the border or play France and just focus your attentions to defeating them but no ladies and gentlemen I am the spiffing Britain so we must play as the English in order to gain the overpowered abilities of the Milanese and of course we're not going to do it in a traditional fashion we're not going to sail a boat over and deploy an army we are going to defeat the Milanese in the most meanie and / we balanced way imaginable we're going to use only assassins no armies needed no battles even fought this is how to play a total war game with no war because who needs war give peace a chance now it would actually take a while to set up but luckily I actually do have a campaign which I made earlier now whilst I have hundreds of hours of this game it's all on a cd-rom and so consequently we're having to start again on Steam which is why we have to defeat my land but Milan is located somewhere over here in Italy we are over here controlling most of England we've consolidated it sure Scotland still reigns free but don't worry we have a way of dealing with them now we're on turn 26 and fantastically London has just finished construction of the inn meaning we can recruit assassins our first assassin has been created his name is Hugh Davies and Hugh Davis is alright now we're going to have to hire multiple assassins just so we can get this done quickly but we've our first assassin we're going to immediately send him off to try and get some stuff done luckily to our north a rebel army led by Captain Perkin has entered into our land and so we're going to send Hugh in to murder him now our assassin isn't very good he's literally only just come into existence and consequently he is literal garbage however what we can do is just send him in to kill Captain Perkin a level zero commander with no great abilities oh and of course because it's you know 2006 all of the actions done by the assassins have cutscenes oh he froze the knife oh and it works he did it ladies and gentlemen a glorious successful assassination and as a result Xu Davis has levelled up to becoming a hired blade well done Hugh Davis I'm so proud what a guy now immediately we're gonna have to march him north because we're not going to have him murder rebel generals repeatedly no no no no no we're sending him to Scotland we're going to demonstrate the powers of using only assassins to deal with your problems by defeating the entire Scottish nation without actually attacking them now with our second assassin Augustine Hobbs we're gonna have him assassinate a rebel general to the south Toby Knight over here actually does have Warren starring command so his assassination is much more important now sadly the assassination attempt went completely wrong in our assassin died Klee however just before we sent off the assassin end we dropped down a quick save meaning we can get our assassin and send him in again this time however he succeeded fantastically and now Augustine Hobbs is a level 3 assassin fantastic and we're going to be sending this man down to Milan oh no the English relations with France of worse and to very poor I'm surprised they aren't literally bismil considering they declared war and we'd only a couple of turns ago but thank you for answer my goodness and now we're going to March our assassin all the way down to the south but enroute I mean we can use him to kind of pick up a couple of assassinations on the way like say I don't know a Danish merchant or even worse the princess of the Portuguese Jean which is murder of a random French captain why not and there we go success that means we now have a level four assassin even better now up here in Scotland the fantastic situation has occurred you see the Scottish royal family is not what it once was the Scottish warrior family is down to just two members they have one faction aired lovely Prince David and then they have a faction King King Alexander now both of them are you know pretty basic people not very exciting but what does make them special is the fact that we can just murder them we only have a 9 percent chance to actually kill the faction leader and a 12 percent chance to kill their heir however with a 30 percent chance just to murder their merchants on the spot we can just spam out this to train up our SS and even more and there we go fantastic we've just murdered the enemy merchants consequently our assassin gets a little bit better good stuff this means next turn he'll be even better at murdering people which is kind of exactly what we want of course to train up our assassin even more in France we might as well just murder of Prince Michael a random family member or maybe even King Phillip of the entire French nation it's going to take a lot of attempts and a very large amount of reloading but eventually we're going to murder this man now up in Scotland our assassin has discovered that the family member over here lovely dukeman Boyd evidently a brand-new family member is laying siege to a castle well what we can do to make this process a bit easy for ourselves is move our assassin right up next to him drop down a save of the game and murder him we missed our target well let's try again oh what a tragic accident it would appear one of the family members of Scotland has just fallen and tripped on a minor hurdle lovely stuff only downside is the only two remaining faction members of Scotland are the king who is inside the massive castle and the heir who has put himself on a boat and for some reason in total war logic if you're on a boat you are immortal to assassin's I know it makes perfect sense but appeared Scotland has pulled a nother family member just out of the woodwork I think he's roughly only just come of age with this lovely little Scottish man so he's just being wheeled down to the castle for his first-ever siege however I'm afraid he's not really gonna have much time to siege because you know we've got a poison blowed out for some reason I don't know how we have poisoned blow dart technology but you know that's fine Scotland once again loses just enough a random family member now in true classic fashion it's time to murder off the Scottish family even more they've pulled yet another family member out of the woodwork Rory Neville is just appeared completely out of nowhere what a great guy he's only 21 years old King Alexander he's only 25 he's hardly much older but you know what we might as well murder them so let's spam out a bunch of saves to try and murder the faction leader of Scotland I have no idea if we're going to be able to pull this off right come on assassin it's time for the movie oh no I think that's safe to say we've been stood oh come on what's this assassination attempt I'm interested by this okay yep sure there we go there's my stubby blade as the king okay oh no no it's beans its beans all right one more gallon we got a spam out these 15 percent chances eventually one will fire come on this was the way the game was actually meant to be played I know I think we might actually need a little bit more skill before we tried and murder the King of Scotland so we're just gonna practice once again by just murdering one of his family members instead and lo and behold it always works good stuff now some time has passed and I've been leveling up my assassins and we now have a 32% chance to murder the king of Scotland so we're going to be taking those chances and hopefully it's going to work oh yes just push the big rock onto the horsey thing come on oh but we've been spotted right if at first you fail try try again so we go to murder the heir of Scotland because we have a 42 percent chance to do it that's just how powerful we are and it's so so crazy look at it oh but we've been spotted oh and apparently that would trigger war with Scotland because they would yes they detect it all oh no but luckily we can just rewind the tapes on that one now we're going to murder this random Scottish noble poor guy hasn't been alive for that long he's only 21 years old but yeah he's gonna die my goodness only a 83% chance to survive you're gonna need more than that my friend rest in peace this world is very tricky now we return a few turns later it is now turned 36 and the Danish are trying to launch an invasion in true classic fashion but I recently completed a mission bestowed to me by my glorious Nobles to blockade the port of Bordeaux in France as a reward they gave me free units of peasants what this makes no sense because peasants are quite fundamentally the worst unit in the entire game they are garbage they have no morale you throw them in and they literally just die immediately you know what thanks for the free peasants I've no idea what to do with them suppose you could just March them into this rebel army down here to the south yeah you know let's just march 2 units of peasants into there good job captain Simon and the suicide peasants I believe in you you're fighting peasants militia and longbowman this is a deaf could try though oh my god they survived and they came back gonna have to send them out again to die sorry I mean gloriously fight for the glorious nature that is the British anyway what's happening up in Scotland well Scotland's AI has kind of panicked you see we've murdered everyone in the faction over the last four turns we've killed free family members and King Alexander is the only person left of the Scottish family he is panicked by mass producing town militia and for some reason a ridiculous ton of ballistas which is a group of 10,000 people which for some reason just a massive obsession with ballistas anyway let us defeat them using our glorious assassin Hugh the killer now we have a 38 percent chance of succeeding this so it's probably gonna go wrong first time and of course it does don't worry we're just gonna quick like this until we get success and there we go assassination successful trait increase and faction destroyed the entire faction of Scotland has been defeated by the English without a single land battle what makes it even better is assassination attempts unlike in other two war games were actually costs you to assassinate in this game it's free you can assassinate one unit per turn meaning down here in Genoa our glorious assassin Charles is going to murder a family member of the Genoese or the Milanese whatever they are at same difference sadly this one misses but don't worry we just quick load and go again because our assassins have never failed a mission they train up ridiculously easily meaning we are effectively only 36 turns into the game and yet running around with some of the highest level assassins a game has ever seen and what better way to celebrate the subjugation of the Scottish people's them with a nice refreshing cup of tea at some glorious Yorkshire tea right there the good stuff anyway we've defeated Scotland and turned them accidentally into a band of rebels I realized this as technically created a bit of an issue because we've taken the actual army of Scotland and just made it 10 times more powerful by having them just rammed filled with Highland rabble and water horse is this it's just called border horse I love it that's amazing feudal Knights oh I love Scotland what have we done to it we've made it so good I'm so proud oh we've just discovered the Middle East faction air as well he's over here that's fantastic news so you've got a family member and a faction heir oh we've got some great things coming ladies and gentlemen oh and the Pope has asked me to join a crusade for Cairo well you know what we might as well join that and they also want me to blockade a Danish port that's fine we can do all of these things when now the faction air is just positioned himself next to Milan fantastic stuff naturally we've a 66% chance of just murdering him on the spot so that's exactly what we're going to try and do let's push that rock push that rock you can do it come on oh that's a glorious success isn't it ah perfect and the faction air of Milan has just accidentally had a horse based accident perfect remember no war has actually been declared between our peoples we're pretty neutral in terms of diplomacy we're actually doing pretty well are my goons who discovered two Milanese family members just chilling out here in the middle of nowhere and guess what 89 percent chance to kill one 95% chance for the over all let's do it this is gonna be great next to her these two Milanese princes are about to discover something very fun imminent me to death of course so we missed the target you had a 95% chance to succeed on that one mr. assassin oh my goodness it's kind of like the man was lying around with knives all around him and if anything you actually did more to save his life than you did to try and take it come on one more go you best not beans this go for the stabby stabby oh yes stabby stabby success perfect alright there is now only one building Lee's family member over there splendid news let's quickly scout and see the exact grep has no family members and and there's just worn render mommy here which may or may not have a family member no family member there oh hang second are we able to do second murder in one turn okay the game says we can this is fine um we found the function leader of Malad 25% chance to murder this is gonna take a while but let's do it and success there we go the king of Milan has certainly just accidentally died good old Juke Bernardo rest in peace who does that put next in charge up well we now have the faction heir located over here so there's just one family member out there somewhere who is actually in control of the faction so we have at least three people we need to assassinate before Milan implodes on itself and then perfection here we have it a family member good old Becca Del perro 61% chance to murder how does it go and he's instantly dead fantastic stuff rest in peace these poor Milanese no pause in fact just being a noble in the medieval ages when the spiffing prick is playing it's a very dangerous and turbulent time to exist some good news is that we've discovered the faction leader of the Milanese he's only 25 years old he's not exactly very exciting but I'm afraid he's sadly going to die oh my goodness what what why there's so many priests in here what is going on okay I've seen the medieval - AI do some unique and whacky things but flooded castle with priests and Cardinals this is this is a first definitely right well we're gonna murder the Duke we have a 56 percent chance of doing it because I don't know he surrounded himself with so many priests he doesn't really know who's okay anymore and we Boosh that's him done for well there you go that's the King dead that's literally the last King died only late last year so why not rest in peace okay this oh and we found the brand-new Milanese faction leader he's standing out here in a field with a 47% chance to murder him sadly we missed this time but don't worry we can try again immediately that's exactly what we're going to do not sure how many members they even have left of their faction now and not only do we have the faction leader down here in the south who were struggling to assassinate we also have the faction air up in the capital here it's count Cosell oh he's not the best he's only 21 so he has genuinely just come of age meaning that makes him even easier to assassinate so let's just quickly do that and there we go the faction heir has just accidentally died oh dear oh dear oh dear right let's kill the leader now alright come on all you've got to do throw that knife oh for goodness sake yes there we go we've killed it we killed the king oh please come on is this the faction done now where's the last guy okay successful the king has been murdered but there's still one more character somewhere and not in Zagreb okay they're probably in this city here then oh my goodness this is fantastic news we are getting so close to murdering the entire Genoese line Oh perfect is somewhere oh wait there's a castle of hit oh my god that a hidden city located all the way over here which we'd never even heard of if he's on that castle we're beings otherwise fantastic news oh my goodness yet another family member fro now just an 85% chance to murder this one what a shame they really don't last these milanese family members so basically what happens is each turn the game compensates poor Midland by throwing a new family member out into the world to exist now they are immediately jumped upon by one of my assassins but still they do have to exist for a brief period of time we found the faction leader though he's hiding in Zagreb that does make our job a little bit easier as this might mean he's the last one although I somehow doubt it oh and it's a success fantastic stuff oh my goodness but no we've just discovered the next faction err a 21 random count from the middle of nowhere who has just ascended the ranks to become faction air and that's yet another family member of the milanese who just spontaneously died in his sleep and no one has any idea why oh and another family member has been discovered fantastic why do they keep having so many family members where are they coming from oh my goodness it's relatively infuriating I know it's great fun now we're gonna kill yet another remember job done prize they even have family members left at this point and there we go yet another family member of Midland just spontaneously dies on the sports water shame once again yet another Milanese family member fifty-four percent success charts on this one and we beans it somehow so let's quick load as this is taking a while I'll come back once I've managed to basically get the Milanese family down to nothing okay we've done it ladies and gentlemen we have free assassins and there are free noble people left in the defection of Milan we have one faction air here a family member over here and we have the actual Duke himself sat in this military camp now the Duke is the most tricky want to assassinate followed by of course our lovely fetch and air over here and then we have a random family member to pick off now luckily all of my assassins are in the perfect position in order to roughly murder them so we're going to have the fantastic English assassin Charles the killer over here he's going to murder the middle knees factionheir with a thirty six percent chance of success well let's drop that safe fall down sadly that's a miss but don't worry we're just gonna reload and go again we've got three noble people to kill so I'm not gonna give up this is our one turn to do it and there we go success they have died Milan has just lost yet another one of its family members but hey good news we also have yet another middle needs family member over here and of course the faction leader so let's take out that faction leader over 47% chance to succeed oh and we missed but don't worry it's quick low time notice I was wrong there was actually another faction err I know turns out count Varrick the Gili Oh is actually over here hiding in a tent meaning it's random family member on the field we can't even murder this turn though we might as well so let's give it a go Oh beans how did you do that eighty-three percent chance to succeed and you managed to fail and there we go success well done okay so we have a random faction err in here which needs to be murdered and also the faction leader over here who is about to die no you missed that's fine we go again well the Duke of Milan has now just randomly died which is good news first that leaves one final member the faction leader of Merlin just sat in the capital of Milan unable to do anything hopefully this is going to be his last turn and it's going to be a very exciting one Milan this is your last turn come on oh my god we got lucky okay so Milan naturally once again pulled a random family member of the Woodworks of nowhere and prompt him down on this army but for some reason he also walked next to one of our assassins so luckily we can get rid of this random family member quite easily hopefully and there we go that's it now okay it's just the faction leader oh wait no he's the faction leave that means there's one more somewhere oh bugger where is he oh my god it worked Milan's gone mallanna is completely gone just killed the king boy he's dead fraction is destroyed we can now play as Malad oh thank goodness milan is done for that is how to take out an entire nation without even fighting a single battle against them once this has been going on we've been at war with the French but we haven't actually really fought any battles over them when France froze a suicide Division of just four crossbowmen into a heavily defended castle with just a bunch of peasants inside yeah we have technically in terms of the world a very pathetic military yet for some reason no one's able to invade us because we're just so good at us link oh it's great right anyway that's it we've we've technically won as England it's time to switch over and plays Milan to show some of those cheesy strats so yes now in the single-player mode we can select grand campaign and guess who we have available to play where the heck is my land it's got Venice and Portugal all right so apparently the game's bugged out and even though we've defeated Milan it's decided well you have any heaven at the same time this is also demonstrated by the fact that Scotland is no more I think it could be because we chose to defeat the factions by just removing them from existence instead of the way the game intends you to do it so that could be a reason so I'm gonna have to mess about in the game's files and unlock Milan for us ladies and gentlemen I'll be back in a second right here we have a bomb we've unlocked middle and I know fantastic it even rhymed in everything so we've done some great things we've managed to unlock all of the factions using magical file manipulation strategies which honestly would be much worse than spamming a bunch of assassins around a map but you know you learn these things after a while oh my goodness the amount of time and effort I put into these bloody videos why can't we just go back to the time when you could release an unedited 30 minute episode of mine often everyone would just be fine with it and YouTube would be fine of it actually got and I'm really glad we don't go back to that day now people actually expect quality it's just so damn terrible when you have to give it to them anyway we're playing Milan Milan has some unique statistics they both strong militia infantry it has great crossbowmen and amazing late technology weakness poor offensive cavalry that doesn't really make much of a difference to be honest because when you have ridiculously good crossbowmen and really good spear infantry you don't need offensive cavalry you can just sit behind a wall of Spears and rain fiery death upon all of your enemies it's great fun so Milan kind of starts out the game and a bit of a unique sausage of a situation there are some good setups to get some trading done which is very nice as a couple of spies who we can send off on merry adventures now to the south we have the city of Florence which is you know a lovely city full of Italian rebels and what we're going to do is we're going to take it and fantastic we finally hit the point where we can actually start recruiting Genoese crossbow militia of in our cities now crossbow militia are great sure they cost 500 gold to make it honestly making gold as milan is about as tricky as trying to get denmark to capitulate so don't worry you should be able to have a lot of these bad boys very quickly now why they so good why as you can see six melee attack 12 missile attack but they cost only 100 per turn in comparison the mercenary cross women we have over here this lovely guy 60 soldiers no shield on his backs are not as good armor and defense same missile attack less range however but they are still pretty decent however they do cost almost twice as much per turn just to keep going and they cost even more to buy so you want your cross road militia cross boat militia are even better because they get free upkeep was garrisoned inside of a city so you know you're gonna be throwing a lot of those boys out into the field and you know what i think now we're ready to attack this glorious castle with our massive just huge colossal force of militia against a bunch of pretty decently armored rebels now lucky this is going to be an easy auto resolve and a clear victory and we've just captured a very decent castle which we as milan a 100% not meant to have access to this early in the game but thank you very much nonetheless so we're going to do is leave a couple of the boys behind and then move on to slightly better regions over here we're going to take the Burgundian city of dijon away from the french as well basically the opening moves are all about just stealing things from France and fantastic the siege of Dijon can now begin as well once again this is gonna be another glorious success because we're fighting against literal peasant archers and militia with our glorious levied forces of our militia but our militia are so much better statistically than almost everything that the AI has access to for the first 50 or so turns of the game perfect stuff so there we go we've immediately gone from two regions to five regions in the span of only 13 turns this is not technically the rate of which Milan is meant to expand for the sole reason that they're meant to be quite a small faction which struggles to grow and consequently aren't really able to expand that much we're really meant to actually go on over here and expand to this tiny little city what is it a tiny fort yes we're meant to attack this if you can believe it but who'd be content with this tiny city when you can have access to all of this glorious land own look with a strongest faction why is this the case well it's because of course as Milan you just have the strongest military look strongest military not the best in terms of Finance but great production population and overall we're doing pretty damn good our military's not expensive but the military we do have is ridiculously powerful so logically where do you go to next or the next best route to expand into is of course Venice and that's exactly where we're headed we're just going to leave a couple of boys behind in this tiny region to look after it and then run our way all the way back to Milan oh my goodness says a heretic here what do we do we can set them on fire oh my goodness go Pope you boy go wow this is a one very powerful holy dude you just keep Coppola sizing everything meanwhile who should we invade I mean we could technically attack the French they've got a nice large town down here no let's murder the French why not sounds great fun oh my war with Sicily of course a great thanks Sicily why did you decide to declare war on me I'll never know but hey thanks for sailing an army into the sea next to me what's this you just land a tiny army on the shores of my land as well great Sicily honestly 11 out of 10 excellent military strategies what melon what an absolute melon relations report very poor now relations with Sicily lebay I've got to be honest they did attack first didn't they so is that my fault is it my fault relations support no it's not okay right we're just gonna get our boys and we're gonna March them into bloody Venice and we're gonna steal the mega capital of Venice we're no longer going to be attacking France god dammit Sicily you've ruined all my fun now you might be thinking why on earth we attacking Venice we're not at war with Venice that's true we're not at war with Venice emphasis yet we will be very shortly so just you watch and now what are we going to do we're going to throw our men into combat and we're going to try and take Venice so we're going to attack the neutral faction of Venice I mean it's not very neutral because they're allies with someone I'm at war with but you know apparently they're neutral oh look Sicily now suddenly wants a ceasefire after we absolutely shredded them well this makes my job a bit easier anyway now the way of peace it means all the more excuse to have even more time to kill Venice perfect this is exactly how I wanted war to happen now whilst this is going on she probably also sent some reinforcements down to Florence because that's a massive rebel help me good lord alright it's time to do our lovely assault on Venice thank you very much Venice count bartolomeu is not going to stand up to good old Christopher and that was apparently clear defeat how on earth was that a clear defeat we had so many better units fine this is what quick saves before oh my god hey all right time to fight Venice come on Christopher rosy against good old Bartolomeu let's do this clear victory boys oh it's as easy as that in Venice is a house Oh perfect let us occupy the legendary city of Venice now I don't know if you ever heard of Venice quite famous for not much other than being an exceedingly great wealthy trading city and probably the source of infinite wealth for the rest of the game for us which is going to be great Venice alone is going to be churning out so much bloody crossbow militia it will be ridiculous I can't wait stop trading crossbow militia next turn from you it's going to be good oh and the Pope wants us to cease hostilities against Venice else we'll get excommunicated well luckily that actually works out for us because we've gotten everything we wanted from Venice and we've taken the most valuable part of it this ridiculously wealthy province here thank you very much for your very generous donation there mr. Venice oh and we've become the most advanced faction and the largest faction as well as the best military faction so this is great all we need to do is become the most populous faction and then the most financially good faction and we've basically won the game splendid Frances declared war on us which is good fun I think roughly every single nation in the world is going to try and go to war voiceover the next few turns but honestly we're still probably going to win you see we're at war with the Holy Roman Empire were at war with probably the papacy very soon nope still neutral oh we're at war Venice so basically we will rule with the entirety of Germany the entirety of France the entirety of this region over here and we only controlled northern Italy if you were to compare this to history this is like if in World War two everyone just ganged up on Italy for fun however when you take into account the Italian army it's more like if everyone ganged up on Italy but Italy had access to laser weapons anyway ladies and gentlemen I do believe that's enough total war medieval to for one day I have absolutely enjoyed playing this game if you've enjoyed seeing some more total war games on this channel then hey feel free to give this video a like if you'd like to see Rome one total war because you know there's some cheesy exploits for that one then give me a shout and we'll make it happen anyway I've been the spiffing Brit and I'll see each and every one of you the next one thinkers always to a majestic patrons you make all of these videos all the more chief but as well as you the lovely ladies and gentlemen out there who leave a like and comment on these videos thank you very much you lovely people and hey if you want to know what video you should probably watch next look no further than this hand chosen one on screen now trust me it's gonna be perfect for you anyway I'll see you in the next one have an absolutely lovely day and good bye for now [Music]

Channel: The Spiffing Brit

Views: 1,340,186

Rating: 4.8932796 out of 5

Keywords: The, Spiffing, Brit, total war, medieval 2 total war, medieval 2, assassin only challenge, total war challenge, funny montage, funny challenge, medieval total war, total war game, grand strategy, total war exploit, total war medieval 2 exploit, medieval exploit, grand strategy game, total war 2, rts exploit, video game exploit, funny, montage, medieval2, spiffing brit, funny moments, perfectly balanced game, rt game, perfectly balanced, the spiffing brit

Id: JEU1crQzv84

Length: 30min 6sec (1806 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 07 2020