Todd White - A Hunger For God

god's allowing me to to write in the morning when i when i'm just coming out of my prayer closet and i wrote something today i'd like to read it to you i don't really have i don't really have the right language i don't going through school i didn't care about english i didn't care i didn't care about anything i just wanted to play i just wanted to have fun i just wanted to party i just wanted to do something else get me out of this class so my whole life growing up i mean on my report card as an elementary school kid i got the whole right side which is behavioral stuff was all zero has self-control plays well with others like all that stuff was bad i was the problem kid in kindergarten always rebelling so i didn't learn a whole lot when it came to like language and big words like when i'm in a conversation with somebody and they bring like all kinds of big words i'm like dial that down help me please i'm serious i'll sit in the green room with pastors and they're like talking and i'm like i can't understand what are you saying help me i'm like a little kid so i'm trying to i'm trying to find i'm trying to find a way to describe what i'm experiencing every day like when i say i'm gone people are like yeah but i'm really really really out there like right now i'm inside of me there's you know the well that springs up it's like a geyser like you know old faithful you go to like yellowstone and it goes off at a certain time it doesn't shut off it goes off at a certain time this has gone off like it's gone off for the past few months and it hasn't it hasn't closed down like even when i sleep it's a geyser when i'm asleep that's crazy and he just keeps putting more it's like it's like a fire burning out of control but the bush remains i'm like lord i'm going to lose people they're going to be like he's like not even the same my daughter my own daughter destiny she goes dad i'm having trouble understanding you anymore you would how did you say it what i don't know big words so they're my sleeping brain in school has been awakened by god's desire to describe himself through me all right oh my okay you ready i'm experiencing something that is supposed to be normal [Music] for years i led with the shepherd's rod but he's allowing me to lead with his heart i write these every day and it comes out of my experience so i'm kind of try i'm trying to express what i'm going through and sometimes it's throughout the night where i become consciously aware of what he's been doing even though it's way more than what i can describe this this am waking up was more beautiful than i can ever remember this morning was was more beautiful than any other morning i've ever woke up woken up in my life today that's fascinating because i've had some pretty good mornings and i've been with him and woke up with him every day my morning like my morning that i wake up has been pretty much determined by who i went to bed with as i go to sleep at night i'm finding myself with all these with all this bubbling of love inside of me that is making me more excited so sleep used to be hard because my mind was going oh my gosh this is amazing and it's hard to sleep on oh my gosh this is amazing sets in does anybody understand where you don't want to get too excited because it's time to sleep are you with me but i can't stop this excitement and this excitement has turned from just thoughts of happiness to his manifest presence that rests on me and as i lay down on the pillow it intensifies because i know that he's going to be up all night [Music] gosh help me please god created in the beginning and the spirit of god hovered over the waters and as i go to sleep at night he's hovering over me gosh behold i'm a new creation isn't just when i get saved it's every night to where as he's hovering over me he's creating in me a new capacity to house something that's unhousable and he's blowing my mind oh gosh i feel like a kindergartener trying to explain calculus so bear with me i'm only a kid and i don't want to grow up unless it's into him i don't want to be mature the world's way that it says maturity [Music] i need my senses to be trained to discern between both good and evil and there's nothing evil about him so i need my senses to be trained to determine just how good he is we sing it but it's way beyond anything that a song could bring worship is mundane and rhetorical if we're not truly in love with our whole heart our whole soul our whole mind our whole strength with the one that created us we become like what we worship so as i'm drifting off to sleep my mind like my mind sometimes would race with things that need to be done things that you didn't do things that need to be done tomorrow the to-do list but he knows all that stuff so i'm finding that i instead of me having to give it lord i give this to you instead of me having to give it to him he physically takes it from so that i can truly set my adoration on the one that has to help me do it all anyway so everything has shifted and everything that has changed in a love relationship are you guys okay am i all right like i i'm i will sound crazy i will sign i will sound out of my mind everything that i'm sharing is 100 biblical there's no like the bible for me has opened up in a different way it's opened up it's still through the lens of righteousness but it's through the lens of he whose eyes is always fixed upon me and knows all things and it's growing with like this intensity like the fire is growing with an intensity where i was always burning for the lord but this is different there's never a dull moment because he's now in everyone some of you are looking at me like oh okay you think you looked at me like that before listen to this my wife goes who are you we were reading it the other night i was reading it to everybody what did you say she was you don't know this stuff i i promise it's so true it's beyond true like she knows there's no possible way for me to know like like i i text it to my staff every morning and robert who is amazing just he goes he goes man that's that's really good where are you getting this from i go i'm writing he goes no you're not i'm going i promise man every day he goes what okay wow it better be good i really set it up huh no just kidding he's good he set me up i've been set up i've been set up to never fail i've been set up to never be let down i cannot be let down he holds me in the palm of his hand and he'll never let me go it felt like i nibbled for a long time but now i'm eating my hunger in this natural life has been way eclipsed by this new hunger that he's put inside of me and even though i have him i know there's more but like more isn't a good word there's most there's oh gosh i'm gonna have eternity to get to enjoy him but why wait till then why wait till then when he wants me to sit on his lap now life shouldn't have the ability to speak louder than the one that gave it this am waking up was more beautiful than i can ever remember i'm learning with my heart but now even my soul my mind will and emotions are being quickened by my father being the father of lights with a fresh new excitement and spiritual sensitivity in the night while i sleep he is continually ministering to me nourishing me feeding me filling my cup when i wake it is fascinating how my spiritual hunger that's continually being fed even in sleep when the cares and issues of life are completely turned off eclipses my body's hunger to where the two are now becoming one even when drifting off to sleep that used to be a thought struggle with issues needing attention still speaking loudly are being immediately silenced by the reality of his person it is as if he stands at the door he used to knock at but now he's on the other side with me because of the grand invitation request that was signed and slipped under the door by me by brokenness and desperation for true love the door of my thinking and care my reasoning and reality my limited ability to comprehend his beauty and loving mercy his highest of hope resounding the sweetest of all fragrances the bouquet of all of them combined the richest honey ever tasted he is now within the inner chamber of my soul his presence is the eternal guardian of my heart he rules and reigns from within he yokes my heart with his so the two that were once separated have now become one they can beat as one fully satisfied it seems as if i came into my cl when i came into my closet it couldn't get better than it is but then it does this love is intensifying beyond my limited ability to explain it my life that is his is continually becoming the throbbing heartbeat of heaven oh my gosh i'm being broken even more while even trying to search for language to try to define or explain his love lightning isn't shocking enough mountains aren't high enough the sun itself isn't bright enough or hot enough the ocean isn't deep enough the day isn't long enough nor the night this world that he created for us pales in comparison to he who created it it is so hard to grasp that all was made for us to enjoy to steward to eat from to drink from then he created man the totality of all that he made in his likeness to be like him to be with him he breathed himself into us and he's still breathing today god's breath the breath of his very presence into us again inhale him this morning just believe close your eyes fix them on him he longs to breathe into you once again he knows all sees all and his heart beats for you don't lock him out he's waiting patiently for your invitation signed by the brokenness of your love at his feet have a good day [Music] oh god [Music] i want to sit at your feet drink from the cup in your hand lay back against you and breathe and feel your heartbeat this love oh [Music] i know that the definition of what i'm going through is love's sick i am i have him yet i need him this desperate heart cry that's inside of me i can i can feel him on my person he he likes to live there he chose that today he'd reveal himself more than he ever has before today he chose that because i'm broken and gonna die without it and he knows the desperation of the heart he knows when your words are just words or if your words are everything he knows when worship is real and when worship is just an outward posture he knows he knows that when no one's looking he knows the desperate heart cry of my soul and he meets me in this deep groan inside of me that's deeper than anything i've ever ever experienced before it is a groaning inside a lovesick groaning to meet my beloved and he's with me but i told you i'm gone man i don't want to return i lived in freedom from guilt and shame and condemnation and i did it and it was real and it never this is way beyond anything and that is the foundation [Music] for the reality of what i'm stepping into just i'm just getting my toes wet and i want to jump the whole way in and get lost in him oh let me just read a psalm because i'm losing my i'm gonna just get on the floor and cry just help oh jesus help me make sense of this it's in the bible and now you've put your bible in me you've put a desperate heart cry inside of me that's getting better yet looks worse every day it's getting deeper and the world will say i'm getting further away from reality when really this is the true reality that you desire every christian that really we've all given our life you're not supposed to just say you can have my heart only i invite you into my heart only it would be devastational to a loving father for you to just give him your heart and not your life god wants us to give birth to what he calls the new birth god wants us to to give birth with our lives living what he calls being born again the original has never changed the new thing is still the original thing behold he will do a new thing was when jesus came are you with me how could i possibly hold on to yesterday when today was the greatest morning i've ever had in my life but tomorrow's gonna be even better you keep on getting better you keep on getting better we sing that and it's amazing but is he because if life determines whether he's better you've now allowed the god of this world the prince and power of the air to determine whether you're okay or not [Music] satan is still the prince of power of the air he's still the god of this world god created this world satan was cast out and put here on this world and then after the devil was here he created man this is beautiful the picture of a loving father that wanted to raise up a people in his likeness to remind the devil every day of his failure that can never be redeemed he created man in his image and in the likeness of god he made man god walked with man talked with man hung out with man and man listened to the voice of another instead of the voice of who created him what was small a garden on the planet that he put his crowning masterpiece in was supposed to expand and the rule of god's government was to have no end adam and eve were to have kids to willingly worship and walk with god the same way everything was completely thwarted and kicked out until jesus man was kicked out of the garden wasn't allowed to remain it was havoc destruction survival pain suffering sin twistedness prophecy came forth from the lord before this happened when he approached his children and said did you do this was the woman you gave me it was the snake you made it's your fault gosh but a loving father that had fault pointed at him is faultless there's no fault in him there's nothing but love so love said the seed of this woman the seed the seed of this woman on through the line jesus you're gonna bruise his heel but he's gonna crush your head gosh jesus comes in the likeness of his father are you with me this is so beautiful the story of redemption is absolutely catalytic for you to become the catalyst whoa that was really good my wife's like you're gone you're gone there's one thing that she will tell you i'm more in love with jesus than i've ever been this makes me a better husband and a better father god make it better god make it better the perfect redemption of a loving father that lost his kids the earth swarming with kids that didn't know him that were being led around as slaves to sin and didn't even know it was sin and even when they found out it was too late god gives laws and and gives these rules and says these are the rules if you want to be my children if you want to be right with me these are your rules they were impossible to follow because sin had dominion in man children had become slaves and didn't even know it had become blind and thought they could see could could hear things and thought that that was all but i promise it's not all so jesus love itself hanging on a tree couldn't come down because he came to die people said well he could have came off that cross no he couldn't love held him there love held him there because the plan wasn't going to be thwarted it wasn't be thrown out it wasn't going to be there was no possible way that he was going to be kicked knocked off course no matter who hated him no matter how angry people were his own brothers didn't even believe because he saw jacob who we say is james he saw jacob that said if you really are who you say you are then go and and and show yourself jesus is like it's not right for me it's not my time for you it's your time the world hates me because i tell it that his ways are bad but the world doesn't hate you why because jacob's ways were bad the world doesn't hate its own the god of this world doesn't hate the god of this world doesn't hate his kids that act like him slaves to sin act like the one that enslaves them but they don't know it it's hidden it's blind is this making sense huh i didn't know i was blind i didn't know i was hurting i didn't know hurting people was just survival stealing from people was just helping myself destroying people's lives was normal because it was all about me like the enemy of god like satan that didn't like it being all about god so he wanted to get above god so it could be all about him so god put him here then he created us in his likeness so we could show the demonic realm that it's all about him [Applause] not so we could show the world that it's all about us that's what pharisees do pharisees show the world that it's all about them it's all about them being able to follow the rules that they can't even follow it's all about them teaching the rules that they don't follow themselves they desire to have the world look at them and see them in all their splendor so that they miss the god of splendor and these little gosh oh no [Music] these little pharisees that are blind guides leading the blind traveling over land and sea to make a convert into twice as much as son of hell as themselves that's jesus that's not me these graves that are walked over top of these ones that are hollow yet beautiful on the outside jesus tells them clean the inside of the cup your cup is dirty and if it runneth over it's with muddy water jesus on the earth he sees them and they are actually the joy set before him whoa the very ones that hate him are the very joy that are set before him because god's plan can't be knocked off track bring yourself down off of there if you're really him father forgive them what does love look like how dirty and how muddy are you really willing to get because like a hose that falls into a mud puddle no matter how much muck and dirt you surround yourself with as long as you keep the flow of his outrageous love pumping through your heart your soul your strength absolutely no dirt gets inside this cup that's glorious what a father [Music] moses goes up on the mountain to spend time with god gets the rules he gets the rules from god on the mountain on stone the rules that no one can follow not even moses nobody can follow these rules nobody the ten commandments not one person can moses receives them from the father he resul he receives the rules from god and shines from rules are you with me this is crazy man moses spends time in the presence of the one that gave the rules comes off that mountain his face shines so brightly that they had to put a veil over his face to keep them from seeing the shine that was fading away it was fading away because a real shine was coming the bible says that the lord is the spirit and where the spirit of the lord is there is liberty freedom chain breaking freedom complete liberation of the soul complete where the spirit of the lord is second corinthians chapter 3 verse 17 where the spirit of the lord is there is liberty and we all we all all of us all of us who new creations god's kids ones that are born again afresh a new mercy new condemnation guilt shame regret baggage cut off absolutely non-existent but without the spirit there's bondage jesus pays this price this love's reward for him is you you are love's ransom he pays with his life goes to the pit that he didn't deserve comes back up and on the day of pentecost the payment the down payment is released upon the earth are you this is what unlocks the inheritance holy spirit all that god has jesus says is mine and all that i have i give unto you we are joint heirs who with what everything that jesus has is ours everything people were like well i don't know that's a little much no you it's because you think too much of yourself you determine whether you're whether you deserve it or not well i don't want too much i mean there's a lot of people we're talking about god here are like well i don't need prayer for me pray for them because they're they're in more neat you are in desperate need you are in desperate need if you taste and see taste and see you don't just want to taste test well it was good i mean it was all right worship was it was okay we don't just want to taste we want to see oh god that we would see oh god we would see that we would see your eyes piercing through every bit of darkness and every bit of junk and every bit of stuff collateral damage from life and regret and shame and rejection if we would just see your eyes focused now because of the life of jesus everything changes changes you become captivated and enticed all it is is one look just one just one gaze just one one look into those eyes that never look away at first it's no way oh my gosh and then it becomes over the devil hates the gaze he hates people looking unto jesus the author and finisher of our faith he hates it he hates people looking under the captain of our salvation he hates it oh that if he could just snare you a little if he can snare you enough so that you do this and look away he's got you what if we could continually look without without ever gazing away what if we could look in the mirror and go oh my gosh you chose me if he chose you before the foundation of the world what makes you think that you being led as a slave by the god of this world what makes you think that that has anything to do with what he chose he chose you before the foundation of the world that you would be holy and blameless walking and living in the midst of a perverse and corrupt generation in whom which you shine like lights because you have a father who is the father of lights who is everything wonderful everything bright everything glorious everything good everything ooey and gooey he wants to overwhelm our soul so that we become love sick for he who alone is worthy he doesn't need your praise you do he doesn't need your worship there's nothing else you could offer he doesn't need he doesn't need you to worship him for him to be secure he doesn't need you to say father for him to be father just the perception of that word father is repulsive for so many people because we as dads have jacked it up so just the word father i'm going to call him something else i'll just call him daddy god or or or this or that no no no no no that word father translated from the word up what's that mean the one whom you came forth from [Music] who are still coming forth from jesus restored that which was lost what was lost our relationship relationship and just not just in words you have a relationship with god yeah i want you to understand that jesus in the restoration of all that was lost lived out in his life when he was here what it's like to be in an absolute relationship with the one that created him so when you look at the life of jesus you see what relationship looked like you see what love looked like what it prayed like what it talked like what it functioned like what it healed like i mean he modeled christian relationship and then he says greater things he's not just talking about miracles greater things will he he who believes in me do because i'm gonna go to be with the father what one man did in a three and a half year period was supposed to be small none of us could go to the cross and take sin so i'm not talking about that i'm talking about the works that were done through jesus the prayer life that functioned through jesus the are you with me i'm talking about that i'm not talking about i'm not talking about our savior i'm talking about the model that he lived are you guys with me i want you to be very clear there's no other jesus there's no other savior there's only one but he modeled what christianity was supposed to look like in its fullness in its entirety of a man without sin that was fully dependent upon the holy spirit for everything in life never said anything apart from him never did anything apart from him are you with me it was god the father god the son and god the holy spirit are you with me some of you i lost you listen [Music] this is why it's so important to understand the deity and humanity of jesus because jesus was always fully god and never stopped being fully god ever but he chose not to utilize divinitive rights when he was here you have to see it it's so important otherwise you separate yourselves from what you're supposed to live like if you separate yourself from the one that you're supposed to live like you will base your life off of nobody that has the perfect example you'll base your life off of somebody that has less of an example than what you're truly called to live like miracles that jesus did he did not do them as god even though he was fully god he was fully dependent upon god the holy spirit to do what only god could do through god the son which leads me no excuse except that i'm not willing to be fully dependent upon god the holy spirit and i don't have the relationship with god the father that i need because as i live on this earth i'm not god the son but i am god's son [Music] who has become a joint heir of everything that jesus has [Music] jesus's prayer life was done absent from his utilization of definitive rights [Music] it's totally biblical when jesus cried out vehemently [Music] he didn't cry out in his divinitive rights utilized from god to god you were always on his mind [Music] and so jesus came here i can picture him before he came is it now is the time is it time because now it's time look look how bad it is not yet son but now can i now cause look now look oh my gosh now now now i don't care how i know how painful it's going to be awful i i i don't know it right now because i i i'm not human but i want to be can i just can i can i go now i'm going to lay all this down so i can have them can please now okay now oh my gosh [Music] when the holy spirit descended upon jesus went into the wilderness was tempted satan tried i saw one like you you can't even deal with hunger if you really are then change these stones into breath 40 days guaranteed i fast for one day i'm hungry when i go nine days i'm still just as hungry as i was some people say it goes away i don't even know you i'm not kidding i talked to bill i said bill i'm in the middle of a fast i'm like 20 days in i'm dying he goes join the club bill binds he buys more cooking books on fast than anything he does he has him sent to the house he's got stacks of cooking books because of fests i won't even go there man i can't look at those books i'll be starving turn these stones into bread if you are jesus said god just told me before i came out here i'm his beloved son and who means well please i man doesn't live by bread alone but by every word that came he just told me gosh that word father has been so twisted and so messed up because you because humanity even christianity christian men that learn who god is might only go surface deep but not really have deep crying out to deep and in that place where you haven't dove in you can't love your kids the way they need to be loved and so therefore mistakes are made in the name of father and then kids can't connect to god the father because they don't know and don't have an example because this world isn't worthy of producing examples of what a father looks like [Music] so loving god as a loving father is distant even in born-again lives because kids have been rejected they've been neglected they haven't had even their needs of appreciation met because a dad doesn't know how to edify and encourage and build somebody up and here's what happens it's an epidemic passed from father to father to father to father to father to father but it has to stop somewhere so the connection of of a daughter to her loving father is so important i modeled as much as i possibly could for my girl i did but i could never i have never yet because only now have i tasted and seen what i've seen now i brought my kids in a couple weeks ago to my living room and i and i cried like crazy and said how sorry i was for not being there during my busyness of traveling and all that stuff but god has broken me and he's he's broken me in such a way to where i see where my void was my void was everything i tried to do well but i could have done this better and so i needed to repent for not doing everything well and my kids all three of them sobbed uncontrollably and i cried with them and i told my wife how sorry i was i didn't live in a place of sin i didn't do twisted stuff i wasn't i wasn't being a mean person i just wasn't being a present dad like i could have been and some fathers are so busy and they're so wrapped up with stuff that they don't know how they don't know how they're trying to make ends meet they're trying to they're trying to keep everything steady there's a lot of pressure on dads to to be there to do the right thing and some dads just give up and some dads to stay and they they don't do it well and but there has to be a place where the heart of a father comes into that place of loving union with their heavenly father the one who they've been born again unto re-fathered and re-birthed by abba there has to be a place where the soul connects with the one that created them and then repentance is necessary towards the kids that were neglected but even if a dad doesn't even if a father doesn't that doesn't give the child the right to wait for the apology [Music] because your joy doesn't hang on your father saying he's sorry to you your joy comes when you connect with abba the heavenly father and let your dad go [Applause] he loves you that much that he won't allow you to stay the same daughters and sons have earthly fathers god will not allow you to stay in that place looking for the apology of your natural dad [Music] looking for the return of your natural dad if you're here and you're in that place with your natural dad or if your dad that knows your need for deep repentance i would love for you to come up front right now if you're that kid or if you're that father i would love for you to just get right right now [Applause] let him go that stuff will separate you from becoming love in the very image of the one who created you this isn't a beat yourself obsession this is a let it all go session so you can finally be free you can't go back and fix it and you can't and you can't remain that way until that other person comes to you and apologizes you have to live in freedom and fall in love with the one that created you it starts there the bondage of yesterday only has strength to hold you until you render forgiveness and let that stuff go the chains of yesterday and the chains of growing up and being treated wrong and treating treating wrong not living to your potential is only recognized when his potential finds your heart living like god created you to live only starts [Music] when you realize you messed up [Music] the truth about who you've been created to be is in the image of jesus jesus was the firstborn among many he modeled for you what you are to look like as a son in relationship or as a daughter in relationship with the father a prayer life a thought life a love life a life and intimacy [Music] put your hands on your heart please jesus can you sing that song that you wrote and god you love me enough to not let me stay where i am [Music] come on i want you to sing that and god [Music] yeah freedom cause you want more for me [Music] he's taking you up higher to him he's got open arms [Music] us [Music] right [Music] [Music] let me stay where i am cause you want more for me

Channel: Todd White

Views: 22,953

Rating: 4.9037113 out of 5

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Id: bPGxPeCbSlE

Length: 59min 25sec (3565 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 12 2021