This is what happens when you're a horrible king in Bitlife

hey there friends how's it going today we are playing bitlife and i just can't wait to be king we're gonna live in spain because well i'm now living in spain and spain i have a king ireland does not fernando saran that's not a [ __ ] spanish name dick tater now that is a great spanish name royal status commoner no no no what are we going to go up to well i just go right to prince so i can you know just kill my dad and start making calls i'm customizing his 100 irish all right let's start dick's life oh look at him king dick well print stick sorry oh my god i already start with 16 million euros oh why are my parents so young i just can't achieve and purchase real estate worth 10 million i aged up and i've already earned another 2 million i've earned another 2 million god it's easy being royalty nothing's even happening look at this i'm just aging they just sat him in a room with a bed a toilet and some food gets slid under the door every day i'm going to the headmaster's office for acting up insulting what are you going to do i'm the [ __ ] prince oh god damn it it was the dog that died it's often when the parents died i'm depressed and i'm only 10. i'm going to be an angry king your mother's suffering from constipation okay good she's on the way out anyway i have lice no no your king wants lice settle into royal life yeah that's what i'm looking for i don't need to try any tests people are gonna drive me around all right what can i do like his royalty mingle with the stars choose how to be addressed your highness he's just gonna be baked all the time he still looks like a bubba can we get my father killed so that i can be king arrange a hitman to take out the father it's probably a bad idea eight grand to kill a king god you're cheap i ran off with the money for fake sake all right let's try someone else i'll just put out an open craigslist post to kill the king and unable to find a hit man go on maybe next year all right hitman father 3 000 he's going by the name of al capone that is definitely a cop he's willing to kill a king for the price of a big television set never mind we'll go next year the public has denounced you for promoting a royal agenda on a talk show ah denounce them i do as i please and that includes getting my father killed oh this is called max paint this is a cop but just [ __ ] it oh wait no he pulled off the hit on my father using a cannon god that was cheap and i know i'm gonna sign up for instagram do i need to kill the mother too oh yeah she's the queen okay all right go for the queen this time jesus christ that's jason bourne yeah it seems trustworthy they hire they turn out to be an undercover cop oh no conspiracy to murder exert my royal power you declared to the police officers that you were the prince and shall not be treated in such fashion they all laughed at me but they're outraged the public just announced them oh no 15 years in prison boy and associates you better protect me 11 years over 15 no [ __ ] that not guilty i got sent i should have taken the plea deal god damn it i'll bribe the guard i'm protected for five years but that's not what i wanted let's appeal my sentence for 115 000 yeah i mean there you go look it's overturned all right now let's look for a hitman that isn't called jason bourne unable to find a hit my god damn it but my depression is gone and my anxiety is gone funny what getting away with murder will do to you oh my god these names all right hire him anyway he's another cover cop what a what a surprise i'm amazed all right come on get me out of this nine year sentence instead of 15 here uh plead not guilty you've been found not guilty yes my depression is here oh okay i thought it was gone but yeah all right fair enough it just played the happy tune and all that a royal advisor is suggesting that you have two birthday celebrations every year first with the royal family and then the official birthday celebration with commoners uh celebrate seven times speaking of celebration can i get a hitman to kill my mother jane smith is that from a movie mr and mrs smith perhaps or you know what i trust you hire her yes she pulled it off using a spoon talented attend the queen yes now i'm the king it's that easy you inherited 259 million i'm going to become a youtuber oh god the place is [ __ ] haunted there's one act of ghost here jesus christ what was that noise loretta here sounding like a monster out of star wars or something i'm gonna exercise you your breathing did sound a bit heavy it failed okay well i'm just pissing off the ghost now can i buy like a massive yacht or something what's this luxury yeah go for it i don't have a boating license i'm the king oh sweet jesus on what side of the vessel should you pass this marker [Music] yes i passed you could tell by the noises that i was confident in what i was doing and they just gave me the license anyway all right luxury yacht there we go buy it with cash you're thinking about changing its name what will you do oh uh that's an easy one i killed my mom your new luxury yacht it's now named i killed my mom but i was found not guilty there's nothing they can do they can't try me again i hope i'm writing a book the confessions of king dick oh that's doing well look at that i'm earning tons of money all right let me do some royalty stuff oh god i have no respect at all have someone execute it that sounds fun uh yeah just a random hippie acid bath yeah make it so why why won't you make it so it's by royal decree club them today why can't oh there we go you had a hippie club today you had hippies oh i didn't realize every time i collected i was killing another hippie sorry sorry i'm using all the kingdom's acid i know i'm sorry everyone's pretty angry about my hippie the acid attacks denounce the criticism oh sorry i clicked it more again sorry i forgot denounce yeah there we go we're done we're done with the acid now i'm a bad king exotic pet dealer um i was thinking more tiger not parrot but feck it i'll buy him and his name can be i killed my dad why can't i not put in spaces it's not okay that's fine it's just i killed my dad and now when i'm talking to him i'll be like i killed my dad and he'll keep repeating it and then he'll get the blame for it what else could i do as king other than throwing hippies into acid celebrity mingle with the stars who do i want to mingle with hey betty white you want to throw hippies in acid pick your activity you invited betty white to play call of duty war zone with you she rejected your invitation ah my depression is gone though i don't need betty white i took my luxury yacht i killed my mom out for a ride it's just the subconscious just saying it that's why he put the name as uh i killed my mom so in case it slips out as a confession you're like no no i'm talking about my my yacht burmese python named sniper no that's an assassination attempt if i've ever saw when i'm not buying that snake plus i gotta do royalty things like uh public disservice are you sure you want to perform a public disservice i guess so i initiated mandatory public zumba classes on the first tuesday of every month i'm pissing off the public oh my paradigm killed my dad died at the age of 31. i didn't know he was that old when i was buying him he was older than me support a new law what is this require all citizens to donate a minimum of one body part decides upon debt it's still available yeah go for it that sounds like a good idea actually perform some royal duties you raffled off at night at the palace and donated the money to cancer research i'm not sure anyone would want to come here someone has asked me on a date a chick i met at the gym oh this is an assassination attempt no one could possibly want this guy he's a dick tater you know i gotta watch out for monetization as long as i i don't leave the space too long and say he's a dick tater i'm fine all right reject her and i'll find someone else i don't know anyone everyone i know has died all right love maybe we can go on a dating app oh wait hold on he met a fan who says he looks better in person than on tv there you go no condoms are available keep going worry later she asked if this makes you a couple no i got back to the dating app i want someone really old because then they're unlikely to kill me because why would they bother they don't want all that stress they want to retire 93 that's what you want and she does have baggage in the form of children but they're mostly already dead of old age so that's fine go on a date wait if i go into royalty and execute can i just straight up execute her i can that's mad all right diseased rats i don't even know why that's a method but make it soul oh my god dictator you went too far she passed away the age of 93 she died after being executed what are the odds huh just skip the funeral the spanish people have revolted against you that was your line when he killed his 93 year old girlfriend insult the spanish people apologize or accept whatever fate comes my way um i don't suppose apologizing look i'll apologize there we go they forgive me a little bit you will be stripped of your fortune excel to colombia for the remainder of your life i got an achievement from being exiled and i'm minus 68 million dollars this doesn't make much sense like what did i do wrong i'm very famous now though could i write a book let me explain that is the perfect title i don't have enough money to publish it though oh i can't even tell my side now i'll call up valerie and see if she's still interested you can't ask your flame valeria for a booty call because she lives in spain and you live in colombia let's just stalk her instead then ah too far can we start dating then it's not too far come on love knows no bounds oh i vomited in front of everyone at a celebrity event and i've been diagnosed with depression is there anything i can do that like because i'm famous maybe i can transition into something else no talk shows want anything to do with me there's a nude photo shoot in the form and yes sign me up anything for a bit of money the reception was pretty good considering i'm a former dictator exiled king who murdered countless people wait do i still have my super yacht no i killed my mom oh my god i could make a [ __ ] profit here could i let me try and sell for 78 come on it belonged to that fella from the nudie magazine post an ad online nah all right try to just make a little profit then that's not enough like i'd still be dead by tens of well not tens of millions but over 10 million so no i'm keeping her valeria would you mind like starting some sort of coup to get back my crown i'll give you a compliment i told her she's a treasure she didn't really care do a tv commercial you give me five grand yeah the bankers can't be choosers sure my fame is going on for appearing in that commercial i could murder something that would increase my fame well my infamy but all publicity is good publicity is what they say or i could buy a hat that might be nice too oh that's good that's nice yeah that's a really good hat no they won't know you're the king all right clearly my only option here is start a youtube channel that already has 1.5 million subscribers fantastic monetize that i'm gonna post a video how to be a king do i promote something diapers yeah go for it following the nude magazine you know it just kind of works he's got a theme your fans are demanding that you join twitter sure what's up twitter world i'm that king guy who killed my mom and dad and executed all those hippies in that bath of acid all right i'm gonna have to like find a love interest to help me start a coup uh let's go on a dating app i don't have enough money to use the dating app okay fine do it the old-fashioned way then uh you don't have a lot of money you're not my type but yeah you don't have a lot of money either no not enough money not enough money not enough money no oh god that's not enough money at all that's a decent amount of money yeah sure i'm what the hell is sex omni all right that sounds so made up all right uh told her she's a jewel and now we'll start a coup oh she won't even get eloped what's the point then i thought i thought you wanted to join me in my coup can i have some money and no what oh my fame is dipping i gotta do something quick wait what is this revenge of the birds you're out hunting birds on a lake and you're luxury yacht i killed my mom when a sudden wind knocks you off balance while attempting to correct yourself the shotgun accidentally fires blasting a hole in the bottom of your boat dude that's all you have call the coast guard uh your luxury yacht i killed my mom's sunk and he [ __ ] died that's the story of dictator rumor has it he arranged the murder of his own mother now they were unfounded rumors but the fact he named his boat and i killed my mom i do still suspect that there was something to that rumor can we undo this with the time machine fact how far do i have to go back i think i might have to go back to like 23. yeah sure i'll pay for it this was all a dream [Music] ah yes it was all a bad dream there okay so good this was exactly when i was found not guilty for what exactly oh my mom's not dead yet maybe it's for the best i don't know maybe she can like take the fall for all my bad deals make hunting and cemeteries illegal no to announce that law oh now i'm depressed while strolling through the royal gardens early one morning you come upon a homeless man sleeping behind the rose bushes have him arrested for some reason oh no someone's trolling me on instagram asking me in person they're refused i'm not surprised i'd have them executed i'll bring the acid once paparazzo tries grabbing your genitals and attempt to get a reaction attack him [ __ ] roundhouse kick his tooth i missed well that was just embarrassing what the hell is this chill's running down your spine you're greeted by a pale blue specter wearing robes from a different hero sorry about that that's just me i'm cold just insult the ghost and move on i called it an inbreeder and it severed my calf and now i'm suffering from schizophrenia jesus christ all right time to kill my mom i need to be king i'm clearly the person who should be king right now i'm ready i have a lot more life experience this time look for a hit man cats [ __ ] higher they're an undercover cop sweet jesus not guilty i i found not guilty what a joke of a legal system you receive a free ticket to see amy schumer do a stand-up comedy performance that'll be used as a netflix special you're feeling the need to laugh really hard what will you do let's loll yeah that was that was great your youtube account has been hacked and loaded with what i lost so many subscribers oh no no no apologize can i hire a hitman to kill my mother no luck god damn it jesus our health is a hundred percent [ __ ] hell your mother has been diagnosed with diabetes all right you know what i will just water under the bridge i'm not gonna kill her anymore mom i'm sorry for everything in fact so that it's all water under the bridge mother i would like to give you what i can't give her a box of chocolates god damn it oh that might be another way of getting her into the grave all right let's call a hitman then an undercover cop are you [ __ ] serious i keep trying to exert my royal power but they always laugh at me god damn it i got actually sent to prison this time can we just appeal this uh you the expensive ones you lost the appeal all right i guess that's the prince's stay in jail for a decade or so wait i got attacked and they caught my tooth how how can you cut a tooth an inmate in the prison's minimum security wing tells you would be an honor to make you something oh a wooden throne that'd be lovely oh yay and inmate offered me royal protection how much do i have left in my sentence why is my behavior bad i got six years left ah fine you're up for parole yes they asked the following question what would lead you to get arrested again a sexy but evil influence what does that mean you're not sure yes i got released whatever that means i got released they're like you know what fair enough the mother's still alive jesus christ almighty maybe i should just try and kill her myself that might be a better call because everyone seems to be a cop these days i'll put on a disguise first okay it works for superman they'll never know it's me murder uh let's see poison them that's a very royal way of doing it she died yay i am being arrested all right they'll defend me for nearly a million euros yeah sure it's the public's money it's not mine really i've been convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison can i appeal this by any chance you lost the appeal the system is [ __ ] rigged against me i still have my hundred million at least there's that i would like to escape now please [Music] we got out can i do royal stuff still no i can't okay law review i can still do stuff i got arrested why just because i showed up at the palace instead of reviewing laws i would like to appeal and then i've escaped i can appeal again i lost the appeal what a surprise all right i guess we have to escape again it's the same prison they put me in all right oh it didn't work this time i did kind of half-ass the tune i suppose run dude yes i'm out i'm gonna ban mobile games i just get out of prison ban candy crush and then flee i just want to make an impact i can't emigrate while i'm the prince god damn it what if i just get loads of plastic surgery gender reassignment here i come yeah i go for it it was botched and i died oh my god he's so unlucky well actually no i think it was more of the choices i made along the way that kirsten this royal funeral was tended by a handful of devoted followers really the entire population of spain they could only find a handful of people a strapping and unruly young man he was born into spanish royalty dick spent many years of his life in and out of jail everyone discovered he was a worthless and loathsome individual after he killed his own mother he was not happy and his karma was bad all right well i guess we will leave it there maybe i'm just not cut out to be king no no no it's the game that is wrong i hope you enjoyed if you did uh consider subscribing we'd love to have you around thank you all for watching and i hope to see you next time bye for now [Music]

Channel: Call Me Kevin

Views: 1,081,247

Keywords: Call Me Kevin, Call Me, CallMeKevin, CallMe, funny, funny moments, comedy, lets play, gameplay, gaming, bitlife, bit life, mobile, mobile games, new, new bitlife, callmekevin bitlife, ruined everything, bitlife royalty, bitlife king, bitlife royal, bitlife challenge

Id: x6BvGL5UC7U

Length: 18min 8sec (1088 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 20 2021

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