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why did you go in there what everybody was scared out of their way everyone okay uh i have an announcement apparently in business school they don't teach you how to operate a toaster oven because some smart sexy temp left his cheese pita an oven instead of timing it for the toaster thing [Laughter] wow okay well i guess they don't teach how to operate a toaster oven in business that's exactly what i said hey did you miss that day there ryan were you absolutely toast heaven 101 you failed so sorry i have it song attention everyone that i want to sing that i wrote especially for this occasion when i was up there among the flames ready ryan started the fire it was always burning since the world returning ryan started the fire it was always foreign i can't believe i started the fire ooh brownies i'm taking two so i can parcel them up and eat them at my leisure later on much healthier you're taking two yeah um but one of them is for tubby yeah why don't you send that to him in costa rica um i'm just gonna hand it to him right now okay weirdo why is that why is that weird she said she was gonna give it to him right now she's probably going to because they sit next to each other yeah they used to toby works here again oh can you imagine oh no oh you don't know i don't know what you should probably just meander back there take a look see if he's see if he's back dary you know what i'm going to for old time's sake great practical joke jim got me go to the annex no god no god please no no no no morning dwight who are you who am i i'm jim we've been working together for 12 years we're joked white you're not jim jim's not asian you seriously never noticed hey hats off to you for not seeing race all right then jim uh why don't you tell me about that sale that you made yesterday uh wellington systems sold them 10 cases of 24-pound letter stock or were you talking about creek or murphy because i didn't close that one yet but i'm hoping i've got a voicemail from paul krieger waiting for me please enter your password you have one new message no no no no that is sensitive information only for employees not outsiders dwight cut it out i'm trying to work you don't work here you're not jim jim i got us that dinner reservation greek goes 7 30. oh great can't wait jim's at the dentist this morning and steve is an actor friend of ours i don't know who you are but you are not jim this is jim home oh dude uh how did oh i'm too depressed to save the big game billy i'm gonna cheer you up only ways i know house hey kid hit g9 on the jukebox no billy i haven't done that dance since my wife died there's a whole crowd of people out there who need to learn how to do the scar [Music] well my name's michael son and i'm here to say i'm about to do the scone in a major way you jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand you meet new friends you tie some yarn and that's how you do the scone you jump to the right and you shake the hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand meet new friends tie that yarn that's how you do the scarring you jump to the right and you shake that hand and you shut to the left and you shake that hand meet new friends tie that yarn so assessing the situation are they breathing no rose they are not breathing and they have no arms or legs no that's not part of it where are they you know what if we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them i mean what kind of quality of life do we have there i would want to live with no legs how about no arms no arms or legs is basically how you exist right now kevin you don't do anything all right well let's get back to it because you're losing them okay too fast everyone we need to pump at a pace of 100 beats per minute oh okay that's uh hard to keep track how many is that per hour how's that gonna help you i will divide and then count to it right okay well a good trick is to pump to the tune of staying alive by the bee gees do you know that song yes yes i do i love that song first i was afraid i was petrified no it's staying alive you were in the parking lot earlier that's how i know you ah ah staying alive staying alive staying alive staying alive you can't tell by the way i use my walk i'm a woman's man no time to talk words of love women want been kicked around since i was born when it's all right it's okay you can't look the other way [Music] staying alive yeah okay you didn't maintain 100 beats per minute and the ambulance didn't arrive because nobody called 9-1-1 so you lost them okay he's dead anyone know what we do next anybody rose i have no idea anyone else we bury him wrong and check for an organ donor card if he has one we only have minutes to harvest he has no wallet i checked he is an organ donor he is yeah give me some ice in a styrofoam bucket here we go we search for the organs where's the heart the brush is hard i'm not feeling well i need to sit down really are you okay oh my god oh my god attention everyone hello uh yes i just want you to know that uh this is not my decision but from here on out we can no longer be friends and when we talk about things here we must only discuss uh work-associated things and uh you can consider this my retirement from comedy and in the future if i want to say something funny or witty or do an impression i will no longer ever do any of those things does that include that's what she said yes wow that is really hard you really think you can go all day long well you always left me satisfied and smiling so that's what she said michael please serious please come on okay jam we need to talk jan is in a different place right now and it is a sign of maturity to give people second chances so i'm going to hear her out there's somebody i'd like you to meet somebody else who has been to prison who can tell you what it is really like i'm prison mike you know why they call me prison mike do you really expect us to believe you're somebody else do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall [ __ ] oh my gosh all right hey hey that's just the way we talk in the clink but a lot of fun talk about prison today but i am here to scare you straight i am in his gay astronaut in prison you are somebody's [ __ ] oh and you you my friend would be the belle of the ball don't drop the soap don't drop the soap michael please where did you learn all of this internet so not prison and prison at 50 50. look prison stinks is what i'm saying it's not like you can go home and recharge your batteries and come back in the morning and be with your friends having fun in the office what'd you do prison mike i stole and i robbed and i kidnapped the president's son and held him for ransom that is quite the rap sheet prison mike and i never got caught neither well you're in prison but prison mike what was the food like in prison gruel sandwiches gruel omelets nothing but gruel plus you can eat your own hair wow prison sounds horrible yeah yeah well thank you andy thanks president mike what's the very very worst thing about prison don't encourage him dwight the worst thing about prison was that was the dementors they were flying all over the place and they were scary and then they come down and they suck the soul out of your body and it hurt dementors like in harry potter no not harry potter there are no movies in prison this is my point you guys got it soft and cushy this place is freaking awesome the people are awesome your boss is nice everybody seems to get along people are tolerant people who have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves nobody's nobody's [ __ ] i hope that this scared you and from me prison mike to you i just want to thank you for listening to me and letting me be a part of your life today cause you got a good life you got a good life a good life last week i give a fire safety talk and nobody paid any attention it's my own fault for using powerpoint powerpoint is boring people learn in lots of different ways but experience is the best teacher today smoking is gonna save lives does anyone smell anything smoky did you bring your jerky in again oh my god uh oh my god fire oh fire oh my goodness what's the procedure what do we do people are dead oh how did that happen it's out in the hall no we don't know that the smoke could be coming through an air duct oh my god okay it's happening everybody stay calm what's the procedure everyone what's the procedure calm down no no michael no touch the handle if it's hot there could be a fire in the hallway what does warm mean oh my gosh not a viable option right next door to the other door oh here's the door check that one out how's the handle it's warm okay go to the back get out of the way go go go things can be replaced phyllis people human lives however ah can hand that's hot this one's hot too okay we're trapped everyone for himself okay let's go all right let's go get out of my way have you ever seen a burn victim a rag a damp rag perhaps let's remember those procedures that's the wrong way we've already tried that remember your exit points exit people what's next stay alive i'm getting help pull me up you're too heavy i only weigh 82 pounds save bandit how about 911 what do we do use this surge of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision making okay i am not dying here come my god on is that the fire's shooting at us [Music] [Applause] attention employees of dunder mifflin this has been a test of our emergency preparedness there is no fire it was only a simulation what fire not real this was merely a training exercise so what have we learned oh come on it's not real stanley don't have a heart no no no no no you will not die stanley stanley you will not die stanley stanley barack is president you are black sadly i'm going to give him mouth about no no no don't give him out the mouth for this you're going to swallow his tongue open your mouth michael swan don't follow him i'm fine leave me alone parkour this is parkour internet sensation of 2004 and it was in one of the bond films it's pretty impressive the goal is to get from point a to point b as creatively as possible so technically they are doing parkour as long as point a is delusion and point b is the hospital [Applause] jump over the camera okay we all go together or we go one at a time here it is here it is uh truck to refrigerators to dumpster 360 spin onto the palace backflip gainer into the trash can yeah yeah yeah yeah hardcore parkour i'm right behind you andy come on yeah parkour [Music] you

Channel: Peacock

Views: 5,835,035

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Id: jaXoWVZN2lc

Length: 17min 36sec (1056 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 06 2022