The Office | Every Cold Open (Season 6 Part 2)

dunder mifflin is about to be sold the first an investment banker has to drop by and sign off on our branch and i'm pretty nervous about it and i'm making some cosmetic tweaks to help create a more appealing environment is that dishonest well think of it this way when you look in the mirror and you see your push-up bra and your fake eyelashes and your makeup and you press on nails the principles that i'm applying to the office are the same ones that have made lady gaga a star or any number of drag queens oh yeah i got a big box yes i do i got a big box how about you i got a big box yes i do i got a big box how about you i think you don't know what you're saying it is from sabre our new owner and it is to sabre us i wonder what's inside scissor me dunder mifflin was recently bought by an electronics company named sabre they stepped in at the 11th hour and they saved our asses although david wallace said that we were the one branch that was actually working right so we probably could have saved our own asses we didn't need them touching our asses wow awesome for accounting a brand new printer and for the sales staff a new fax machine this cord has creed written all over it and whoever would like a brand new scanner can come visit it in my office thank you here we go wow cool what next um who's gabe this note says to put the box aside for a gabe lewis who's coming tomorrow okay everybody listen up i have some bad news due to circumstances beyond my control impulsivity and inattention to detail hey i have opened a box which should not have been opened terrible and distributed things which should not have been distributed indistributable well maybe we can put the box back together impossible he opened it like an ape i think we can do it yeah yeah did we try printer first shredder at an angle yeah effects cable then the scanner upside down yes have you tried making everything smaller wow really nice job this group of people when they put their minds together they can do something great and i think that you should all be proud of yourselves oh michael all right relax we can do it we just did it so we can do this again erin scissor me please no don't thank you oh got it okay vancouver court hotel hello vancouver this is michael scott calling from the united states of america i have a reservation in your fair city from february 12th to the 19th first week of the olympics well we're looking forward to having you so let me just pull up your information here okie doke uh i don't seem to have it sir what i'm not seeing anything under confirmation could it be under affirmation because you have thousands of those no we're just trying to look it up right now you did get the evite to my barbecue come on michael um sir a lot of people are trying to get last minute reservations at hotels here for the olympics but we've been fully booked for months well i have been booked for three years so you should have that i have always heard that british columbia is a very nice place but i'm not getting that from this conversation wait i got it confirmation code xv2 rdm oh here it is thank you economy single that's it yeah we changed systems a while back i do apologize okay how may i help you mr scott all right i would like to cancel my reservation please there is a cancellation fee for this sir okay put it on my card i just wanted to check and see if there's anything you needed before i went on my maternity leave yeah i'm pregnant great well i'll write up the order wait a minute okay you can't do that you cannot exploit your baby for sales hey did i tell you we're gonna have a baby oh thank you very much i'm excited oh definitely no no you need to come by your sales honorably there is nothing dishonorable about talking about your life people like it hey there dwight schrute here listen uh would you be interested in restocking on paper yeah i could sure use the money my cousin uh came down with a case of that nasty new goat fungus oh it's just horrific the doctor says he's never seen it beard so quickly okay [Applause] i need a baby i'll never outsell jim and pam without one also i've been noticing a gaping hole in my life sometimes i wake up cradling a gourd hello hello top of the morning to you green m m's nature's viagra two of my favorite joke gary is combined it's gonna be a good day i don't wanna bring my friends why can't it just be the two because the saint patrick's day people go out in groups well why don't you invite your friends why are you being so weird about it stop fighting just don't st patrick say okay just one perfect day a year no hassles no problems no kids why no kids yeah we're your kids nope ah not today it is st patrick's day and here in scranton that is a huge deal it is the closest that the irish will ever get to christmas hey jim jim come here do you know what that is no look at him look at him t-shirt jeans is it you i am flattered that's johnny depp where'd you take that in my condo complex oh my god that's right i read in people magazine that he was looking for a two-bedroom condo in scranton i'm flipping out man well you remember my idea for the fourth pirates man sure that they should do one hey jim jim where where do i find a black pearl who's that captain jack sparrow captain jack spierro jim john dillinger no i'm captain jack sparrow captain crunch okay okay screw you halpert you know it's not easy getting excited about stuff remember how you felt when you thought you'd seen roger clemens at the yankees game yeah well it wasn't him i had a little bit of reason to believe that you're right you're right well you're not right because johnny does i know your condo complex i know it also explains why the name on his mailbox was m shulman m night gentlemen okay breathe work your core come on how many is that not counting the last one 25. count the last one okay 25 and one girl push-up oh new record okay oh what did you do today i made a sale oh yeah sitting on your big fat butt all right that is the number to beat what do we get if we do them my respect okay i'll make it a little more interesting anyone who does more than 25 push-ups and one girl push-up gets to go home oh i say dance they say how high four here we go oh no no no no but too high disqualified what do we got creed disqualifies oh come on nineteen oh i had a really hard workout this morning oh wow that is adorable 10. yeah i'm betting one more wow good stanley stanley and me stanley stanley stanley stanley essentially what we have here is one of those stories where a mother lifts a car to save her baby well it's not exactly fair he's got all this weight that's helping him go down yeah come on you can do it stanley let's do it come on excuse me wow no no no no i believe that every man woman and child in this country should learn how to speak spanish they are our neighbors to the south and this would be a healing thing for for all of north america and i am going on vacation next week to cadeku buenos dias i may where else dies miguel come on yo soy fantastico que michael i don't understand why michael is wasting his time with spanish i have it on very good authority that within 20 years everyone will be speaking german or a chinese german hybrid la telefona el telefono michael's having a hard time with the gender part of spanish so i told him to mark everything with the international symbol for gender and um i should have been more specific your office is full of genitalia uh-oh aso is low-key djel that's what he says damn it ah angelo angela michael yo soy can khan stop it stop what you're talking about me in morse code you know what joke's on you because i know morse code yeah that's what we're doing in our very limited free time and with our very limited budget we went and got a nanny and then we went out and took a class on a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you yep that's exactly what we did it all started when dwight was tapping his foot against the leg of his desk when i asked him to stop he said i will when you lose the baby weight very well i must have imagined it i apologize detonator detonator where michael jim are you clicking a detonator it's a pin michael come on get back to work dwight please fine hey tap away this here is a radon test kit okay i'll be putting them everywhere and please don't throw these out this is a radon test kit please don't throw these out see them all over the office toby has been leaving radon kits everywhere like he owns the place the first time i threw mine away i thought it was an ant trap but i figured i'd rather live with anson with his creepy little disc the second time i thought it was one of those you know the things you turn over and a moose like a cow thing but upon closer examination it was another ant trap so i threw it away and the third time i did it out of spite come on michael you're you're interrupting you're kidding me god you say rayon is silent but deadly and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth what is this sit down you know what we're not gonna die of radon we're gonna die boredom yeah right and if i had a gun with two bullets and i was in a room with hitler bin laden and toby i would shoot toby twice okay all right really funny and then you went too far i would kill bin laden and then toby no that's still okay geniuses how would you do it curve the bullet like in my favorite james mcavoy film uh wanted what all that does is help you shoot around things what does this mean is there a curtain rod in the room i don't know how about make believe land has anything you want stanley please this is serious is this the thing where they use an icicle so there's no evidence yes we stab toby through the heart within high school two bullet thing is a red herring here's how you do it you line them all up you take one bullet shoot them all through the throat at the same time watch this phyllis you're hitler come up here toby you're toby andy you're bin laden line up uh i don't want it to throats together toby just do it toby come on god ready one bullet and boom there is nothing wrong nor will there ever be wrong with any saber printers case closed michael scott as seen on tv i saw you on the news and i want to pinch your tiny weiner it's packer oh pacman i thought you were a girl apparently there are allegations that saber printers can cause a fire so they ask me to give a statement to the press i'm like what all right so i do it it's on tv last night and it's in the paper today and it's online and then i call froggy 98.7 the request line i talked to the host about it on the air it's like come on people enough everybody we are at defcom5 i am officially the second most watched clip of the day on the wbre news site what's number one oh that teacher who was wrongfully accused of being a pedophile now we cannot let the pedophile win again i would like you all to go to the website and watch my clip 11 times so instead of working yes okay yes go on because i'm a manager absolutely did you see this report that the zoo got a baby otter it's on the same site oh it's kissing it's mommy oh you have to see this is like the cutest thing ever really a baby otter okay um count me in as who cares it's not even that interesting a baby otter it can't even stand up it's trying to stand up there he goes you

Channel: Peacock

Views: 3,843,544

Keywords: peacock, peacock tv, peacock streaming service, the office, john krasinski, steve carell, michael scott, dwight schrute, jenna fischer, cold opens the office, best the office moments, cold open, the office funniest moments, the office cold opens, the office us best moments, the office morse code scene, the office morse code, the office push up contest, the office push ups, the office push up episode

Id: JEyn3RXFJMM

Length: 17min 20sec (1040 seconds)

Published: Tue May 11 2021