The Office | Every Cold Open (Season 5 Part 2)

[Applause] this morning the phone guy comes in and he shows michael that our phones have a pa function and they just left speaking the office will be flying at an altitude of two stories look out your left hand window and you will see vance refrigeration i am the ghost of salesmen past do not come near me yes michael scott for dr joshua please hello doctor i was just following up about my mole again now i was looking online about sebaceous zips i had not been squeezing it oh could i stick it with a pen uh-huh don't be wondering to the principal's office your mother called and it appears that you wet the bed again so you have to get home to wash your sheets because they're yellow and they're wet with your urine and at six foot six on the university of north carolina that's pretty funny hey you know what did i drop my uh what what the heck is that uh did you find it i didn't i'll look somewhere else all right all right hi good morning can i help you yes i'm from techstar about a new phone system for you i was wondering if i could talk to michael scott i'm sorry he's not in right now really he's never around when i come by shoot they have new phone systems now that can ring directly to a salesman or someone presses star and they go to accounting basically 95 of my job but i'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone vending machine how about i make an appointment to come back that way i know he'll be here that is a great idea great um oh boy see he's really michael scott manager hi joriah oh hi yeah look at that i can assure you we don't need a new system though happy with ours hello may i help you jimbo hey [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] what was that that was funny that was funny let's go do it to somebody else hey yeah that's no problem yeah sure uh-huh bam knock knock i'm on the phone i know you are knock knock you can fax it over yeah five seven zero five thank you bye-bye that really makes us look unprofessional they would never know it was me doing it here we go knock knock who's there buddha buddha who booted this bread for me won't you [Laughter] great i i need something to wipe my hand no there's there's butter nothing it was a classic i got a knock-knock joke no okay god michael please please please please please let me all right who's that kgb kg river asked that question what the hell was that what are you doing what are you doing hey hey stop it stop being like hey come on what are you doing man that's part of a hilarious job plan who's retribution what are you doing no more knock knock jokes that's it ding dong who's there kgb i get the door i'm not answering it answer this no way it's the key i'm not answering that yes you're going to answer i'm not going to answer i'm going to answer this to kgb the kgb will fit for no one it's true michael since it is your 15th anniversary at the company i thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a 15-minute round of applause i like it followed by a 15-minute moment of silence i don't know is it classy enough jim enough with the classy okay i just feel like after 15 years at this company bravo by the way that we should celebrate with a very classy event a night to remember i think you're right this party has to have all the excitement drama and intrigue of my time here and of course classy and classy yeah michael you're just agreeing with him cause he's wearing a tux don't you see what he's doing here last week dwight sent out a memo about the dress code so this is me showing him that i'm taking it very seriously oh here's one a string quartet playing classical um music know that's good but it's not classy i i need something classy like the opening of a car dealership that's it or mr peanut yes mr peanut is not classy yes he is a regular peanut he just happens to have a cane a monocle and a top hat that's what makes him classy okay how about this an ice sculpture shaped like you covered in chocolate covered strawberries oh and dwight you're trying too hard and that's just not classy see the thing about classy is it's a state of mind well i'm sorry i just don't know what class he is then okay let's just try this one on for size and i apologize because it's right off the top of my head an ice sculpture of you completely surrounded by a variety of chocolate covered fruits strawberries that's inspired i said that [Music] not classy not classy at all day class a french classic i had no idea when i got into that car to go to new york that i was going to be quitting i got on the ramp and i was like two hours two hours to go feeling good crank some tunes should have peed before i left michael get to the good part okay so get up the building revolving door broken so i have to take the normal door oh my god at least he's in the building no no i was so nervous it was the wrong building i had walked into the wrong building he finally has a story we really want to hear and he knows it okay focus focus you're in the right building you're with the right people what happened i looked at wallace and i said i quit and as i turned to leave i looked back and i said you have no idea how high i can fly you didn't tell him how sick of him you were why would i do that well wouldn't it feel good to tell him that he's incompetent that he's wasted 15 years of your life maybe spit in his face you guys have thought about this a lot more than i have i just winged it i love a good quitting story it makes me feel like i have control over my own life it gives me hope maybe i'll have one of my own someday but i dream you gonna answer that kel all right thanks dunder mifflin this is kevin please hold while i transfer you oscar your mom charles is having kevin cover the phones for a while how do i say this diplomatically i think kevin is doing exactly as well as anyone might have expected someone like him to perform in a position like that please hold andy phone call nope stay there kev i thought we nailed the whole transfer thing earlier yeah i wrote it on my hand but then i washed it it is transfer extension and then transfer again okay andy get ready transfer here we go extension transfer oh man it is one three four kev kevin come on you are murdering the gnar dog this is kevin please hold and i will transfer you you're bad at this too don't answer that call just transfer the damn goal your call is very important to us [Applause] my maid died [Music] it's britney and i am back in the form of a new company the michael scott paper company okay i'm not gonna make this one [Music] love the hair morning michael hello they took away my parking space but they can't take away my pride i would like to invite you all to come along with me on a journey welcome to the michael scott paper company things are a little slow here and there's only so much cold calling you can do in a day turns out there's no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw at someone's face we're getting pretty good at it [Music] it's 4 30 in the morning do you know where your kids are if you are ryan's parents or pam's parents or my parents you do they're going to be in this van with me who am i nothing to fear i am just a 44 year old guy with a paper route time to make the donuts come on whoa no i promise i won't do it again come on [Laughter] we've been making 5 a.m deliveries for a couple weeks now ever since i've gotten clean there's something about fresh morning air that just really makes me sick hello time to make the donuts oh halberd wow border patrol arrest that man your donuts make me go nuts hey pam we got the vanda to use car lot we think it says alleluia church of scranton in korean it was either this or an old school bus with an owl living in it you didn't have to bring any coffee did you michael milk and sugar oh awesome you're a lifesaver wait is this just milk and sugar that's what i said do you drink this every day every morning we're uh we're doing okay a couple weeks in and um we're having fun uh yep we have 20 of those oh excuse me sorry sorry no it's a it's a paper company now it's not for the church at least once a year i like to bring in some of my kevin's famous chili the trick is to undercook the onions everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot i'm serious about this stuff i'm up the night before pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes i toast my own ancho chilies it's a recipe passed down from malone's for generations it's probably the thing i do best oh my god i can't believe it i just won an art contest thanks i still don't understand why you wanted me to say that shut up i got her not cool dwight not cool man [Laughter] dunder mifflin this is aaron he's not available right now uh-huh yes sure i'll give the message when he gets up gets back michael had chicken pot pie for lunch actually let me rephrase that michael had an entire chicken pot pie for lunch and let me be more specific michael ate an entire family-sized chicken pot pie for lunch and then he promptly fell asleep so we're all trying to be very quiet so as to not wake him up before 5 pm which actually should be in about 10 minutes okay i'm gonna go in there and change the computer are you sure you can change this watch i can do it what do you need from me normally i don't condone leaving early but i have an appointment with the horse doctor how that horse became a doctor i don't know no i'm kidding he's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when his leg is broken like clockwork [Music] okay geography joke [Laughter] oh wow okay all right let's all go home come on see you all to molly you later michael you

Channel: Peacock

Views: 6,903,187

Keywords: peacock, peacock tv, peacock streaming service, the office, rainn wilson, john krasinski, steve carell, michael scott, dwight schrute, jenna fischer, jim halpert, best the office moments, cold opens the office, the office funniest moments, the office us, dunder mifflin, cold open, cold opens brooklyn nine nine, the office its britney, michael scott paper company, michael scott paper, michael scott paper company first sale, michael scott paper company opening

Id: En2Z1xuonic

Length: 16min 53sec (1013 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 14 2021