The Legend of Billy Boggins

oh what billy what happened oh there are so many zombies around you i want home oh my kevin i have a map of the entire continental united states on my left butchie i mean the host must allow you to join let me in kevin let me in hungary i'm going to be billy bargans a man of the people i'm going to be as white as the moon on a full night okay um i'm ready i feel like i should warn you that door will give in eventually not if i give it first get him turn him into next week's dinner i'm a burglar not a baby yeah not a baby i'll just leave you alone in there for a minute you seem to be having a bit of an episode at the walls kevin i've redecorated kevin i'm in the shower sorry sorry i got dirty from fighting zombies i'm washing all my clothes all right that's great but i feel like i should tell you that you're making all your clothes wet and you might get sick from wearing them it's a new beginning sure you'll be fine kevin six o'clock is that six o'clock from where our characters are seven seven thirty get him kevin kevin i'm scared oh yeah oh there's another one coming wait hold on oh god he's so talented you really know how to work that saucepan i will give you that billy bargains yeah take that you french poet oh the hat i see everybody has a story to tell and yours ends here i'm ready [Laughter] you look like a serial killer with a very specific fetish [Laughter] a bra a saucepan and a bag now we're ready for friday night i don't like that description because it's it's really believable oh an electric fence is that keeping them in or is it keeping us out whoa it's not even electric whoa i just wanted to impress maybe you're just not conductive what we need to look at for is food and medical supplies are the best thing right now ding dong oh no no oh billy no billy's getting bited zombie hungry do we need to check you uh medical check hold on i'm fine oh you are fine i've always sat is okay that's the best we can hope for at all kevin what's your name in the game well as i said i'm i'm a carpenter so my name is han d and d that's a good name i like that now i am the french do you want to hear my spoken word version of the movie dune you just had a complete makeover outside scooby-doo oh a standard bra oh perfect we can be matching it's ireland's biggest lingerie section so i understand oh jesus christ kevin oh i found a cowboy hat no it's okay i found a cowboy hat and it's much cooler than your hat there's a zombie attached to it kevin i got very scared for you for a second yeah that i'm more fashionable than you now oh my god you're ready for a party i'm ready to talk my kids in and go read books you want to see what i hide under this hat too is it a bald spot oh wow baby he didn't see that coming did you the cowboy hat was party time turns out that was all business oh no i'm slightly thirsty with a dry mouth oh we'll get you some water in here come with me did you run into the wall no oh no it's outside uh hold e to get through the window thank you stop it yeah you tell him guys stop it stop stop you see the saucepan okay uh we should go we should go run run run oh no i just sleep alone why would you run are you okay yeah why would you run when let me check violence is an option i'm fighting heaven nothing can bring me down i really like this billy bargains even though he seemed to totally change his uh character within the 30 minutes i've known him hey what's up guys my name is billy boggins and i'm here to give you some scat poetry just give it a big bop scooby-doo his house is burned down it is this wasn't me for once maybe i can get some charcoal to work on my drawings oh right we got a lot of zombies over there it might be time to engage sneak mode this is what billy bargains does best call him slam poetry he's a man of many talents kevin i think you're gonna really like swimming in the deep pool of billy bargains these oceans run deep oh a car we gotta see if we can get into it oh oh oh oh oh god smackdown are you okay normal human sees danger icy wristwatch now i know the time it's smacking time this looks like a car that a president gets shot in it kind of does i see where you're coming from but we're going to have to take that risk it's our only option i don't want to get zombie shot oh fridge hungry all this stuff in the freezer a pot of soup i'm a drink at all wait it's not even cooked it's cooking wiley okay oh big sippy juice on the oven and then he's like i want soup now oh so full me big suit boy billy boggins has about seven personalities going on at once he's a delightful man i wish more people in real life were billy boggins it has no gas oh it has a little bit of gas okay we can drive this home okay perfect you want to drive chief i think you're ready oh god this is exactly how we die i'm gonna sit in the back i feel like put on your seatbelt as well oh god oh these are wobbly am i going left or right kevin left go go left and then left again and be careful because if you hit anything we're going to get hurt and the car will get hurt oh god i don't want the car to get hurt i've become too attached oh this is fast this is too fast oh oh oh oh eat is there a house over here it is oh no this is a roadblock oh no ow that's okay that's all right it happens to the best of us back up back oh oh kevin i do a oopsie kevin keep packing kevin i do a oopsie okay all right they had it coming kevin it's down that road so you're gonna have to figure out another one that's a tree only three shut up billy barkins is near-sighted [Laughter] but he has his glasses on granted they're not really there's no lenses in these random glasses see the best thing about knowing nothing about this game is that i don't know what can go wrong at a moment's notice and the best part about being with you who doesn't know what he's doing is i don't know what's gonna go wrong at the moment you've gone past the house by the way it's up the elevator i was just trying to check who our neighbors were oh that's fair trying to see if it was a good neighborhood this is us on the right ah hotel de bargains why is it named after you i found it because it's a family name and it has a lot of value to it can we move these bodies we can we can even bury them if we found a shovel oh oh someone's got a screwdriver in their back oh that would be handy that's my name ah get him that's what's up yeah you showed them billy oh there's loads in the trees now i think they followed us in the car oh i'm hitting the tree oh no don't turn around if they bite you in the back you're oh i don't want to be by a zombie there are zombies outside and my saucepan broke and you ran inside and closed the door are you coming back out or i'm glad that you just gave a sequence of events don't worry kevin i like to do a little let's play of life you know i'll mess them up i'm doing it i'm killing them all i haven't hit a single one you're doing quite well i gotta say thank you it's all the on-the-job training that i've been doing wait are you thirsty no i'm full of soup oh yes i've i ate a whole neighborhood's worth of soup you just watched me while i put up the curtain whoa look at this interior design getting romantic kevin if i didn't know any better i'd say you were trying to become mr boggins i mean i would but it would kind of ruin my name my name is pretty iconic and bargains doesn't really have a ring to it what you found a dance magazine and you didn't tell me if we're going to be roommates you're going to have to cooperate with me sorry we i just moved in i don't know your your likes yet well i love to dance i can break one out for you right now if you want yes please i would like to see that this is the body wave oh this is the one i just learned from the booklet that you needlessly threw away i'm getting thirsty again look at him go he's rubber banding and everything he's glitching in and out of reality his moves are too fresh now floss floss there is a floss magazine but we're gonna have to find it we're gonna have to get back out there and find a floss magazine i've got this one it's called crazy legs i'm so wacky how do you crazy legs and i don't because i'm just that wacky i've got the ymca do you oh i guess we just have random [Laughter] no it suits his look so much this is a party this is how i want to go out in the zombie apocalypse dancing do you think if i could guess oh no you're screaming i'm screaming and i'm thirsty oh no billy wants ciggies you see you did shout for him in his defense it's not really his fault for trespassing he made a bing bong good job handy better weapons medical supplies and bags but it's night time so i don't know if we're brave enough to go out because it's it's pitch black unless we just go rob the neighbors yoo-hoo zombies bonk the barking begins now he has clean underwear if you want to take it no thanks i like to sit in my own makes me realize what i've done i'm gonna wear this guy's underwear he had heart boxes hurt boxers you get all the cool stuff look at this for a look i can steal his wallet kevin were rich if only money had any value whatsoever in the zombie apocalypse look it's just like crypto and nfts as long as we say it has value then it does we determine the market here kevin to the moon i have board apes what about you i saw a clip today of some random celebrities i can't even remember who it was just talking about nfts and it was the most dystopian thing they were like oh my god my board uh ape looks like me because and it looked nothing like them but it's like because they have my personality and all this that wasn't the jimmy fallon paris hilton jimmy fallon that was it yeah it looked like hostages yeah i think someone even said it and the excitement oh it's so good like people being like this is a good investment right guys guys i spent 14 million dollars on this please please think it's cool don't buy into it folks it's just rich people telling you that you're going to get rich when really it only benefits them oh kevin will it be any good in the zombie apocalypse no it won't that's a lot of hungry people coming to our dead dog they heard nft talk and they were like where tell me board a just a giant horde of them bitcoin kevin it's very dark yeah it's it's really dark this is the one house we've already looted we can go loot the next one okay if they come i'll just hide in the trash bin and what'll i do sing distract sing to them in any way possible oh oh i hear zombies but i don't see oh zombie no no oh no don't worry billy blocking this will patch you up i i haven't got the whole aiming thing down oh no my heart's flashing i've got a scratched bleeding oh that that's fine that's fine you have any sheets or any bandages no i put it all in the cupboard i have a standard bra and a tank top do us all a favor and rip that shirt off rip it oh this is my undershirt okay rip sheets that upper torso oh my god i'll never die i'm natural i'm invincible kevin billy bargains can't get infected if billy boggins gets infected that means you've been dead for weeks [Laughter] i'll go we're going to need some sort of like lingo you know how redditers have to say the narwhal bacon's at midnight when they see each other no i didn't know that at all nft people just go ooga booga monkey brain we need one we have to do our dance moves to each other i'm doing our secret code to signify i'm ready to go god is he is he infected or is he busting some moves imagine the zombies just like no must be trapped just walks on wait how do we stop dancing i don't know how to stop um friendly interaction yeah there we go there you go there's no sprint sneaking is this seems counterintuitive kevin it's fine it's an empty field oh no it's not an empty field i'll have come this way i'm a bit peckish and slightly thirsty like thirsty still for my guy in his dance moves or like no no i like actually water thirsty but you still think he's kevin hungry okay food if you don't find me soup in the next five minutes i'm gonna start yelling i'm gonna sprint and yell down the street so on top of everything else billy bonkins is a man-child he'll just throw a tantrum at the slightest horse he is also i heard wolves that's fine we're just fearing zombies it won't seem a lot worse to me what about zombie wolves that can't be a thing is that a thing yeah could be every movie taught me that it doesn't infect dogs this ain't no kind of movie really that's true no one in the movie would ever be called something as cool as billy boggins oh god all right through the trees just walk through the trees and we could oh lord there's two of them there's two of us too we've got this i'm really good at that once it goes into double digits it gets trickier okay i'm going to run to the road wait all right don't don't run too fast because i'm still in the tree line oh wait did you run to the road already i'm kind of nearing yeah billy boggins land speed record holder where the hell are you i'm near the picnic benches this is a car park is this scarborough it's a big wide open area i'm at a big black square on the map oh yeah the big black square is where we want to go in it's a warehouse right oh yeah oh there's a lot of zambo's are they on you or are you good there's two here oh yeah oh there's three here no never mind okay oh the music's doing it uh oh oh jesus follow the hearts i thought you can't i can't keep my eyes off those hurts jesus she had a zombie wife and kids and she doesn't anymore door's open oh nice one all right look in these crates we'll find ourselves a weapon can we get like the machine guns uh no no we can't wire metal sheets i'm gonna build us a new world kevin oh god a zombie just fell from the ceiling they're able to fly ah they're in the building all right i found myself a hammer i'm ready i don't know if this hand forks any good sneak attack i was but a distraction god damn i'll open the window and let this one in yoo-hoo wow yeah teamwork she just said ow maybe she wasn't a zombie she was like finally friends how long does it take to break a door hold on probably best to not leave now in case more oh my god oh he's wild do i look cool he could just open the door yeah sorry that was a bad idea that looked really good another zombie oh crowbar a trowel i'm gonna dig their face a new face i'm gonna laugh in god's face as he dies before i do oh i found matches come up here and have a smoke chief burn it all no no no no no smoking not not burning it well we can burn down the building if you want fire spread fire good yeah let's burn down some buildings that sounds fun actually now you're speaking the bargains language all right i'll give you all my cigarettes but you have to give some back if i need i can smoke there you go i can contextually smoke from them so you can have them all back now oh i'm suddenly not anxious anymore amazing what a good cigarette can do for your health i've decided i'm no longer going into poetry oh yeah what's the new billy boy i'm a man that likes to work we work hard we play hard you're gonna have to break out that ymca with an outfit like that i mean to be fair we both have very good ymca we're doing a very good village people cosplay right now i just wish i knew the moves but i need a booklet because it's too complicated to figure out without one just watch these moves kevin p spike it's self-explanatory the ymca kind of goes in the order that you think it would is it like that kind of like like that not really you're close though you're like your arms are moving but you're not really getting the whole like ymca part of it you know oh so it's more kind of like like this a little bit of hip movement that's that's more like the moves that people in slytherin would do you're being a real slytherin right now kevin i'm sorry dude it's all i know i give up i'm just so defeated it took this to crush billy bogan's positivity i have a hard hat on but even that went through my school do you want to grab the stuff on the roof because my inventory is full sure oh no handy huh did you just lock me on the roof no no no okay i barricaded you on the roof andy there's no stuff on the roof andy the door is barricaded a little rustling trying to open it no no i'll disassemble the door oh i need a propane torch a welder mask and the door's barricaded oh what a world i'm jumping i'm jumping no no no no no billy i can't live without you how dare you i trusted you like a brother father and this is how you repay me see this is what you get that's your comeuppance wait the doors the doors open idiot that's because i left them in someone is you know someone who's searching for brains a lot of the time you don't have a whole lot of them got him let's go burn down a building that'll show up yeah arson that was the perfect time to live out my teenage rebellion you wanted to go into arson as a teenager you know when you're young and you just want to do dumb but then you realize that there's laws in people and murder is actually a crime that does suck man when you bring it up like that yeah you can do anything you want in the zombie apocalypse oh jesus maybe not everything there's a lot of zombies there so just burn them when you have enough matches everything is a potential fire i i like your optimism billy boggins we're to sneak through oh no we're not good oh no i have a fairly okay we're surrounded run oh i have a fairly heavy load good to know billy all right let's keep moving uh croissant wee-wee run run handy run quite fast now that's it the zombies are just hungry for culture why are they chasing us then because we're so cultured nobody has more culture than billy bargains uh oh uh hold the e to jump right i have to hop it yeah don't worry handy i have a map of the entire continental united states on my left but cheek i got a tattooed before the apocalypse happened i knew it was coming it would be good if we were going across the united states but we might need something a bit more local quick in the toilets get in no time to explain get in the jacks oh god behind us okay maybe hop the fence yeah definitely hop the fence ah god god they're everywhere oh sweet jesus dude i think there's a police station up here we can go in there get some guns come out blasting oh that's the way i like to do it i don't think that's the way it's gonna go though like saying it it sounds cool but i don't i don't think it's going to happen billy balkans is going to everyone's going to ruin the day they mess with him hold on i have to make a call who are you calling i thought i was yours uh private your lifeline it's a private conversation i'm making long distance calls to china i should have left you barricaded on the roof but then you never would have got my hilarious wit yeah i definitely should have left you barricaded on the roof kevin hungry hungry for compliments hungry hungry for comedy whoa we knocked the glasses off her face she's wearing two pairs of glasses she still couldn't see that coming how do we get is this a restaurant i'm taking you on a fancy diner date billy crap pancake house actually i oh oh god no we're fine we're fine you want crepes i feel like we're in a load of crap right now i'm checking the trash garbage bag yes oh fresh pancakes what i'm getting garbage bags and you're getting fresh pancakes you might find some pancakes in there you know i shouldn't have gone to the toilets first rookie mistake all that's in the toilets is previous food all this oh i'm gonna drink all the coffee nothing for you jack i literally had your coffee this morning really give me some coffee oh no i drank it all can i interest you in this face mask i guess that's kind of like coffee i'm going to give them a noggin on the bargain a bargain on the noggin dammit it was right there oh god there's four of them at that door just so you're aware this oven is on and there's literally just kindling inside it so i don't know how long before this will go up in flames they'll never expect it let the bargaining begin nice have fun in your international house of flames i hope it just actually works the i huff okay i'm feeling a little sad see it's because you're not laughing at my jokes one second i'll record one hahaha okay that's ready to go anytime you want to make a joke uh um god they're not coming to me right now uh there you go damn oh that was laughing at you i suppose rather than with you sorry it's okay i'll do anything for a laugh i just hear that and that's it we gotta find that police station it's on this street how do you know um i've played this game too much oh no rain uh that's grand are zombies allergic to rain yeah it kills them all dude that's so fortunate on a planet that's like 70 water it's really lucky actually it's like the movie signs or um the wizard of oz when they spray the witch right that's true i don't watch a lot of movies sorry here's a very topical reference there again okay i'm feeling strong panic that's okay that's just the fear of my new youtube video being 10 of 10. [Laughter] oh relatable in fact i'll give it to you there you go you've earned that yes that's good that's a win for bargains kind no this is a whole you know what we'll lose them in the hotel oh my god there are so many zombies there's a lot of them what's this building i think it was like an appliance store oh my god there's so many holy i almost got caught jeepers moderate exertion take a break i can't oh oh god i just heard an alarm going on was that me where are you that was you yeah i'm beating the out of a zombie outside why did an alarm go off oh christ kevin hungry wait what building are you in i'm not in any building i was outside why did it go off oh there are so many here that's okay that's okay well there you are billy boggins okay i'm behind you keep going oh if you're enjoying that or not i want home okay come in uh zombies are coming in first close the door yeah i'll go around the i'll go around the front if you can open the front door maybe oh i think the author all in there's four of them in the building already oh jesus kevin are they by the front door oh they're everywhere they're absolutely oh jesus christ where are you i'm inside here's the building it's a classroom oh there's so many at the front door don't go to the front door it's okay i jumped out of the window okay climb the fence oh god now i'm minor bleeding you're dirty fecker tight are you at the side you went in no i mean my god i'm in the football field okay i'm coming towards the football field i just see them all falling jesus oh god i need abandoned job okay i think we need to forget about the police station just get somewhere i can't even run anymore i'm too tired yeah i'm just walking away from everybody where am i going how how did it how did the night change so fast kevin i don't know i think it was the rain it just brought her mood down and we didn't have the positive vibes we needed well oh my god holy did you just follow that road along i honestly have no idea where i am okay is there a way i nearly died i i'm going down a road now so where that building was it went like bottom right of that down that road the the purple one the clouds i see a load of zombies heading in one direction i assume that's the direction of you probably oh i see a dead zombie i think we've been here if they had some sort of zombie civil war that would be great there's like 20 of them following me all in a ball i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i'm not prepared i'm not prepared you put me into fire kevin i just wanted to learn how to play project zomboid that confidence is slipping ain't it mr balkans billy boggas has never been so unsure of himself wait where the hell is our house oh there you are hi hi we should go this way i'm so tired oh yeah lord that is so scary to see them all follow you like that yeah oh oh oh are you able to outrun all of them at that speed yeah just about it's like one percent faster than they can move holy oh no i can't sprint this is definitely where it ends we gotta make it home we can do this are we even close um yeah we're not too fair actually well at this speed we're we're a little bit far but oh no oh no oh god that's so scary i hate this i hate everything about it we'll keep going straight for now and then we'll take a right and then i think that'll be on the same line as our house wait right down this street yeah we can go this way uh oh hey hi this is so scary oh no oh do they get stuck in the trees yeah they do walking through trees is a good way of trying to lose them a bit when you're just tired you start to sound a lot like them oh no billy they just glitched oh i made a decent or something i teleported my 33 millisecond ping this way billy this way we'll go through the trees and lose them lose them in the growth there we go here we go yes and then we'll go over the next fence and through the trees again and then surely we'll have lost them oh jesus you live a dangerous life handy yeah sure do that's why i wear a cowboy hat it lets everyone know what kind of person is trying to party oh i think we lost them oh my god oh i got scratched on the tree a minor inconvenience compared to what could have happened can we eat you literally eaten and i'm like oh man a twig oh man there's a bush in my hair can we oh my god check your your medical stuff we're really close to home now oh my god kevin we survived i can't believe it billy you're bandaged around your neck you're bleeding from your aortic pumps if i was bitten i would definitely tell you right you believe that right not for a second you said we were gonna have a nice cam relaxing day you said we were gonna go ride mopeds and get pedicures look there's still time in the day all right none of that happened all we did was climbed fences got scratched and wet there's a motel how about that i could take you into a nice motel are you gonna kill me um not with that attitude i want that's not a motel wait a second billy let's do this two men and a zombie walk into a motel room uh drink oh thank god sustenance i'm resting on the bed how do you oh rest oh my lungs they've been on fire i'm just trying to get to a point where i can actually run again okay i'm at moderate exertion now all right i think we can get home with that wait kevin i'm going to eat a peanut m m in real life no it's not worth it kevin it's just in real life oh my god holy i'm gone i'm gone i'm gone okay the problem is i'm still in here i'll get them kevin wait let's start shouting and just run away hey all right very good all right let's go i actually did it in the game i swear i didn't just yell it out loud in real life [Laughter] across the trailer park and we're home free every now and then i just walk you disappear and then you reappear dancing like 20 feet ahead of me you're having visions hallucinations of this oh we're home no we actually made it we did it oh i caught my foot on the fence jesus christ this game god is real i'm gonna go in and rest on our beautiful bed oh what are you doing i'm gonna cut down a tree and build a wall this might take a while just for you you look fantastic i'm more aerodynamic than ever i don't think you are that thing looks a bit tight i'm trying to get as much black clothing as i can so i can be a burglar oh that's what you're going for this is the only thing in black around everything else is reds and blues i see a lot of black pants and whatnot no you're just colorblind kevin all right okay so i can't see black i got you excuse me sir i want your black shirt oh you're all black are you a zombie in the trees i think it's just get dark it feels wrong to like steal a zombie's clothes i'm wearing a zombie's underwear yes you are you like the wizard of oz [Laughter] i'm trying to get this shirt there we go now i'm all i'm black like a burglary see you didn't even see me coming oh yeah who said that like the wizards have been the invisible man you look exactly like him you guys wish you were as f freshy fly as i am i look like my name is lenny and i'm about to ask the zombies why they haven't paid their loans surprised by how well our people are we're doing pretty good it was a very happy ending i have to say do you want us to get a little happier no

Channel: jacksepticeye

Views: 1,494,322

Keywords: jacksepticeye, project zomboid, project zomboid jacksepticeye, callmekevin

Id: 67CkKa1J-oY

Length: 33min 38sec (2018 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 31 2022