Prison Simulator

i'ma tell you a story this ain't the first time i've been sent to jail previous times i've gotten in trouble for a lot of things i've done some bad stuff but i've also done some good stuff that just goes on by no one pays any attention to it's always the bad stuff that gets the rap but this time i've been sent to jail for being too damn good looking too damn handsome the police want me off the streets i get it can't hear someone with a face like this going around distracts the world from what's supposed to happen progress just stops but i tell you i'm gonna be the most handsome man in all the prison me never gonna see anything like it not ever again welcome to prison everybody you finally been caught all those times you tried to escape from your misdeeds now uh-uh you're all going to jail right now what's up pig richard bryant system can't control me what do you want oh can i have that gun oh [Music] i honestly thought that i was dying or that actually could be a language and i'm just insulting everybody who speaks it that's not a language hi i'm richard nice to meet you nice to meet you too have any questions before we go to the warden um wait am i a police officer i thought i was a prisoner oh i'm part of the law i don't know if i like that i want to be a prisoner i want to beat up people in their cells i mean i guess i could still do that if i'm a police officer hey what's up scott working hard or hardly working i can't tell you look like you just crapped your pants all right what's going on wardens hello warden you know you kind of have to buy a stand desk you can't just stand at any old regular desk and expect it to work but whatever what did you call me i'm kenneth your new award nice to meet you how are you feeling nervous huh no i'm good sir i got 17 years and a force i'm ready confidence is really important here and don't bother with formality you can call me mr warden that is formality checking attendance open the cell so that the prisoners can go out for the morning's attendance check oh it's just like escapists richard you mind if i call you dick okay the race is like i'll just close that anyway now who's in jail huh huh it's me i'm the opposite side of it look at all these prisoners what are you doing pooping okay sorry i should uh refrain from why are you all pooping does this help this make you go quicker yeah just think about me beating your knees no please don't come near me i'm scared oh he's taking a whiz stay in there whistle whistle oh this is where bad things are going to happen all of you all right we gotta let everybody out everybody out it's time for inspection where's my clicker okay jim looking good bobby we got richard we got joseph matthew helmut hans is still stuck in the my chemical romance era kevin freeman whoa kevin is tatted up your parents must be very proud i mean you are in jail so hey hey [Music] what's going on huh what are you guys doing stop fighting stop stop i'm getting in there [Laughter] oh you're going down homeboy you will be punished for your unacceptable behavior that was wrong doesn't matter yeah he probably deserved it penalty of isolation you're going in a hole for a long time sir you're being transferred to solitary maybe you can think about your behavior there unless you're at you after the routine ends stinky boy shut up that's not whistling think i don't know the difference andrew gordon huh i'm not sure you've noticed but i'm kind of busy at the moment i don't care if you're taking a turn on a tuesday i want you out in the cafeteria area now god damn it see i care a lot about what people think about me though i could get some respect or i don't have time for this just beat his ass and we'll get the poop out of you quicker or move now i'll let you slide for now you know what never interrupt a man honey's poop okay where's robin walker oh i don't care if you don't got your glasses on robert walker what's going on i'm not going anywhere oh you just made an enemy get out there get out the robert no one attacks the officer at law [Music] you gonna behave you gonna get out there oh yeah robert walker's present everybody let's be a lesson you don't come out of your cell i'll come into it and bust you down i know how i feel about this power going to my head so quickly the shooting range haven't touched the cold piece of iron like this in a long time [Music] god i'm so talented did i do good did they do good new record new record anybody any takers come on come on i was having so much fun pretending to shoot people in the face maybe i could do it for real i agree dude i've never heard true or words spoken all right whatever your face was joseph brown come on sergeant no no no no no no not nappy time you're going straight to the hole come on is he following me is he following me nice picture okay you guys really love pooping and you get yeah that's what i thought i'm throwing away the key i gotta go search persons like some sort of bottom of the barrel postman no inmate allowed me on this site i've been followed am i oh my god i actually have to check i don't know what's contraband and what's not okay what's this stephanie queen the blue mile there's no way anyone's reading this normally there's no way i'm gonna how can i open there you go anything anything all right that one's fine what about this bamboo novaya for men no no no no open it up open it up what's in here huh what's that is that crystal meth now it looks like deodorant honestly i know what that is what whoops whoops i checked all right person number two come on daddy wants a big time daddy wants to find young tender sweet peas don't mind if i just picture the piece how are you gonna put that back though you just screwed off the top god i'm the worst anything these are all fine ha i found the drugs the drugs are secure the drugs are in the bag everybody relax we're gonna have a good time later you're hiding something else in me i can feel it syringes in my jail you can have the rest of you have your stinky peas though i have a feeling that that's not what you wanted i feel you wanted to do a little bit of drugs a little bit of cockeye what about this hemages bar any pills in it no that's fine deodorant ha you're not even trying ew cigarettes and tuna and chicken tits it's full of cockaine all right that's fine clothes are up send her home mmm risotto oh puke all packages checked i'm really good at my job the world is a safer place with me in it all done yes it's over for today boom baby level two how much respect did i 50 i'm at 52 percent of the guards respect wait you guys don't like me 52 up 12. did i start at 40 with the guards respect you guys work with me 20 right risk oh lord all right you maggots it's roll call time you gotta go to the workshop uh let's get this guy to go because you stood out with your uh retro chic picture you're pissing on the floor oh my god hey my chemical romance all right single file single file everybody line up all right you maggots are you ready to go do work in the workshop today everybody say hi okay cool everybody follow me where is it look i'm new here i'm fresh on the job you think i'm supposed to know where i'm going flint eastwood he did look like clint eastwood everybody following take a file now single file get a chant going when i was a young boy all right everybody in this is richard hall if you call him dick you will be punished this is where we make christmas toys everybody's going to work is that clear i got to go get some tools everybody gets a tool you look like a file kind of guy all right stealing a purebred dog that was your crime damn that sounds like hammer duty honestly you stole a purebreed dog a wrench i guess dog cruelty what is with all these dog [Music] i don't know if i should give you a knife genocide oh one of you is not like the others all right you working yeah make that bed leg and you make those dildos hey hey hey hey hey hey hey what's going on here huh back to your station fire square fire what did you do where's the fire extinguisher where's the fire extinguisher shouldn't everyone here what happened to you oh lord it's all gone off the rails fire extinguisher fire oh thank you finally somebody else around here who has some sense good job good job there's another one bloody hell okay what happened to you i feel like that's enough everybody rally to me everybody give me back your tools i don't trust you with any of it hey not today buddy boy [Music] everybody be good richard keep an eye on him now put these tools back time for the search spread your legs [Music] i'm assuming it'll tell me if i find something you trying to steal pieces of wood not on my watch wire what are you gonna do with that wire huh do another genocide not today secure in that bad boy if we can get along somehow will you leave it with me [Music] no why would i want respect to the prisoners and my fellow richard is right here maybe i should side with the prison do i play the straight man or do i make this place burn to the ground i don't know about you one of those sounds way more fun maybe today i'll go work out you know because i got the stamina of an 80 year old i can barely do one hallway but i'm huffing and puffing oh the great green and blue outdoors smell that blood in the air smells good what's up dudes oh get no burpees on that's sick i need lots of stamina so i can beat people up better oh but you got video games no i shouldn't i should work out it's just like real life like video games are working out ah video games remember dude if you start seeing stars call for help there's no shame in it sometimes you lift weights that are too heavy for us gain 20 stamina baby i feel like i did about 60 reps good working out with you guys oh come on in it's time to see if you get detained it's papers please all over again look at the prison maidens on the shelf thank you what'd you get on you you should have a shirt okay okay this is a lot of information for my stinky little monkey brain to handle daniel dunkle this is daniel dunkel as well are these the same [Music] they all look the exact same even this blemish going over the line okay your fingerprints they're good they're not great check the correctness of the name data on the fingerprint sheets okay 25th of the 9th 2011 60 okay i guess that doesn't matter three four nine two three oh three four nine two three daniel dunkle all right check if the id number is correct on the fingerprint sheets okay three four nine two three oh three four nine two three three four nine two three i think it's good all right glory to arstotzka create this country mother crowd welcome oh the warden wants to see me what what does he want i've been doing a good job right hey warden what's up you've nothing to worry about i don't want to fire you you sure in a way i want to give you a promotion i knew i was great i knew i was a good police so you're doing well so have a new assignment for you what is it you will have access to my computer from which you can purchase the necessary improvements oh dip you can use it during breaks even if i'm in the office these are mostly in the evenings porn just a minute man oh so keeping stuff for securing stuff for whatever changes the amount of money i have i have to buy this out of my own money this is the scathing indictment of the prison system and not porn oh come on i want to click it it sounds fun okay ranking top 20. well i'm not on this my prison is called rock bottom i am i'm 18. i'm rise up through the list we have prison money as well but i guess i'm forking out of my own paycheck to get dumbbells for prisoners that i'm trying to keep in line does that make any sense oh what's going on in here can we play darts that is a gigantic dart board but you told me that i need to talk to you really well that means you're ready to learn some tricks from us i have two skill points eagle eye you're able to compare various suspicious data press on two text data pieces to compare them i was trying to do that like papers please odds of being offered bigger brides are increased by 50 percent you can trade with one to two no i'm a good boy but i will take the bribes oh my gosh so many games i can play golf wait this you guys know what golf is right this is the weirdest golf i have ever played well i won but at what cost that was so confusing and this is a prison full of weird things happening and that's the most confusing thing hello all right new prisoner oh why did you come from there all right corey skyrunner corey gordon that's a mismatch numb nuts corey skyrunner corey skyrunner are these fingerprints different as well but they match should i just kick him out because the name's wrong you didn't give me an option for this i'm rejecting you i'm rejecting get out detained you're not going to cause a problem are you that's what i thought that's what i thought do i want to go play basketball which is probably like tennis do i go play golf darts do you want to shoot things that's probably oh i should shoot things i have to clean the weapons this is like playing that game that i put furniture together that comes off that comes off ah now spray that bad boy oh yeah oh yeah oh my god it's like playing power wash simulator all over again wipe it on down white wipe it on how the hell do i do this now put them back together first second third fourth and that's how a baby is made that's how i spent my free time it's been all day searching prisoners almost dying put my life on the line and i spend my free time cleaning guns i need to incite a riot all right keep order i will everybody be good we're we're out here for three minutes together and i don't want to spend any of that time having to break up fights cleaning up piss just play basketball so far so good someone getting their burp on why are you no i don't want to play basketball get lost i have a job to do hey hey hey hey hey stop that stop that i'ma break up this fight by breaking your face [Music] wait there's a fire how did you guys start a fire in the basketball court why are you okay with it move you're gonna have to go to the doctor god god how do you even have the materials to start a fire out here hey hey cool off okay is everybody cool now i technically can't send you guys back in but i want to see what happens if i let it go is this like respect i'm at 43.2 now and see if my respect goes up nice 44.5 so the longer i let them stay outside the better they feel free time golf starts great being a prison guard is so boring that i've resulted to becoming a ups driver you're gonna have to do it fast really fast what do you think sure i mean i used to always get my mother to time me running up the stairs when i was a kid we didn't even have stairs where are we going oh god this is what all this extra stamina was for okay okay okay is it in the workshop it's in the workshop it has to be has to be put a shirt on you're distracting me there you go there you go i have a package for you boom oh wait oh god it still ticks down even when you're talking to him i have gained two speeds i am the wind fights are gonna break out and i'm gonna be on them like that they're not even gonna know what hit them until i hit them no i'm on email duty oh jesus oh i can't log into that one we have received information about erroneously issued pardon letters that had been sent to us all pardons issued in may of this year are invalid okay so what do i do about it this is literally papers please does that match match okay stamps that matches got it um [Music] okay prisoner signature i don't have that i think you're okay i could be incredibly wrong oh wait president of you oh these are oh no all applicants must have a ceo uh up against foreign review only pardons with a letter from the president the other one's wrong oh no this is ronald i trunk whoops wobbs orbs um you don't have a thing so should i there's nothing from the president i'm just gonna i'm gonna reject it i only accepted two i have no idea how that went i just do the work i don't think about the work i go to bed and i sleep like everybody else on a big bale of hay with my feet in the air yep that's another good day done that's it for me today look at all that respect 64 42 i sleep better at night knowing that i'm good at my job well that's another fine day as a prisoner officer this fine here prison establishment known as rock bottom you better leave a lack in this video where i'm gonna deny you so fast to send you to the whole and if you're not subscribed already hit subscribe now it's free just do it you don't really lose anything by doing it you just gain incredible content but be good or i'm gonna have to slap you with the entire justice system

Channel: jacksepticeye

Views: 2,972,518

Keywords: jacksepticeye, prison sim, prison simulator

Id: Q3BegjUIY2Y

Length: 23min 49sec (1429 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 16 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/TotallyAwesomeRacoon]

He even started singing Welcome to the Black Parade

[u/Professor-pigeon-]

Does anyone have a time

[u/noahlowdermilk5]

i was expecting some sort of ykwtdtgluip reference