Teachers, what is a funny thing you punished a student for?

like and subscribe right now or else this will be in your bed tonight our /oscar edit by planet reddit teachers of Reddit what's the funniest thing you've heard a student say that you unfortunately had to punish them for I had recess duty a few years ago a kindergarten girl came running over with another girl right after her and said she called me the b-word when I asked the second student if she called the first student the B word she turned to the first one and said mother Daka doesn't start with a B I managed to turn my laugh into a cough but here no more recess for her that day edited to that holy crap my inbox has exploded overnight I also received my first platinum gold and silver ever so thank you I don't think the first girl he even realized mother Ducker was a swear so she was focused on the word Beach the child is clearly gifted if she knows that mother duck er doesn't start with B at that age a as in Apple B as in mother duck er C as in cat B as in bad mother duck er that kid has been watching too much Pulp Fiction kid in my class was given some bad news once and exclaimed or shits right on my dog it was an appropriate but it sounded so incredibly genuine and defeated my English teacher early 20s fresh out of school looked like she was in physical pain having to punish him despite laughing uncontrollably and feeling sympathy for his situation laughing hysterically at 226 M th and X from us visiting Jordan thought I don't most up votes I've gotten so far nerdy from South Korea we were learning good at I am good at soccer I am English teacher she is good at ugly hahaha poor girl good at you ain't got no alibi better change your name to you slash 7 ed by Akkad student small dongs matter me AJ let's keep it school appropriate student small penises matter couldn't help but laugh a movement I can get in the behind he's right those mountains matter this is more of something a student did about a month ago I hear a kid yelling my eyes are burning I ask him what's wrong and he says that another kid sprayed him with something I go to that kid and he hands me a bottle of warhead spray candy and says it's just water when I told him that water doesn't burn eyes he replies with well I did put salt in it I once had a seventh grader come into class after lunch urgently telling me that she needed to go to the nurse her eyes were watering and they were red and puffy turns out that she'd read online somewhere that who can get high by putting Vicks directly on your eyeballs a really affluent town in Mexico had a problem years ago of kids getting drunk by pouring drops of booze in their eyes billboards and stuff were put up telling them to stop local high school had assemblies a crazy amount of kids went blind before it was stopped I mean it does clear your eyes up teaching a class of high school seniors they were pissed about something and wouldn't let me get a word in worst a hole in the class raises his hand for probably the first time in his life so I call on him he says thank you mister now I don't know what you're trying to tell us but I think everyone needs to shut the duck up so you can talk took everything in my power not to crack up I didn't get him in trouble he won a place in my heart that day seeing students produce quality work that even they didn't know they were capable of this hugely gratifying and my absolute favorite thing about being a teacher kids telling their classmates to shut the duck up so I can teach is a close second though but I always have a soft spot for the a-holes a lot of the time they are acting up because of some other [ __ ] and their life and don't really need more of it from me some of them are still huge a-holes Oh I really liked most of the kids who I had to discipline the most they usually had a lot of personality there was one boy though whose life did suck but I just couldn't like him tried to like him was nice to him but found out later that he raped the girl he had been dating that year that's inexcusable no matter how messed up your parents are edit a word I worked at an alternative ed school for kids who were expelled from their old schools I taught a class of 8th grade boys so I have tons of great stories my favorite was one day I was reading out loud from the newspaper that Old Country Buffet was closing down and one of my students said are you duck I'm kidding any while simultaneously punching a hole in the window I laughed so hard but also had to give him detention and fill out a ton of paperwork edit I'm glad this story entertained you guys these kids were no joke I had a full-time therapist in my room with me because it was such a liability to be alone with them the kids had daily therapy sessions to help them deal with their anger issues trauma etc most of my students were affiliated with gangs and got in a lot of trouble for drug-related crimes about half my kids were in detention centers before coming to my classroom and a lot of them had ankle monitors Old Country Buffet kid was an especially large 14 year old his file said he got expelled from his old school because he was very into the Twilight series and some kids made fun of him for it so he beat the [ __ ] out of them he did need stitches after the window incident more please I bet it was that kid from the Goonies Old Country Buffet was closing down not going to lie reading that gave me a bit of anxious rage there insults to each other have evolved we used to call each other's mums the other day I heard your mum smells like the coral reef when she opens her legs your nan is a slag and your dad touches other dads that kid wanted to drag down the entire bloodline JFC just makes me think of that one episode of Spongebob with plankton insulting the whole family someone should put you in a box float down the river grandma thank you you /jo taro is a lolicon when attempting to explain the physics of leverage and moving a heavy thing I said you can't move it the way the Egyptians did kid immediately piped to get a bunch of Jewish slaves to do it that's historically inaccurate - that's ducking hilarious hysterically inaccurate my girlfriend is a teacher there was a little boy in her class who was finger-painting he stops looks at his hands and says now how the duck do I get this off don't leave us hanging Opie how the duck did he get it off I assume with small children the school used washable finger print yes young children have to be careful or their finger prints will wash right off I had been painting over some sharpie on the wall with oil paints or kills or something similar but the smell lingers for a long time high schoolers start to come in for class girl a yells why is IT stink in here girl B says because yo mouth is open girl a rifles back because your legs is open are slash murder ed Lee woods are slash murder Hamas a deadly whoops mr. Clean Magic Eraser pun jizz get Sharpie off off most school surfaces that can handle some abrasive force for larger jobs can just get Ajax and a washcloth either seems easier than repainting the wall but I guess it could have been a lot of Sharpie on a wall that needed a repainting anyway miss Kay how do you know if you have swamp ass miss Kay I would make a terrible hooker I have bad knees Jose I'm gonna grab you by the nipple hair and kick your ass all of these from the exact same class I taught freshmen a few years ago they had some imaginations edit my first silver is a post about swamp ass and nipple hair here's to you read it and how do you know if you have swamp ass also what is swamp ass edit I found an article talking about it but this line will haunt me it's highly possible that you could have swamp ass and not even know it until it's too late what in the four hell's terminal swamp-ass I think it's when your ass is sweaty overheard a grade six student tell a group of kids in his class that if they don't take their vinegar they wouldn't be able to please their girlfriend it was surprising so that's why I am single never took a photographer be right back calling my doctor update he's now engaged his doctor I actually didn't punish this kid though I was supposed to but I couldn't stop laughing so whenever my high schoolers whine about something I say into every life a little rain must fall but which is my polite and deliberately annoying way of saying suck it up by the end of the year they're so used to it that all I have to do is say into every life and they roll their eyes and grumbled but at least they stop complaining well one day a kid comes in my room and he's already complaining about something that hasn't even happened yet so I say into every life and he says a little rain must fall I know but mrs. Danny Kalia it's our FNG thunderstorm right now this is golden what did you respond with to that in between laughter I told him I was going to pretend I hadn't heard that I love your name it feels like something I would name my horse or a cat no offense it's just so creative lol not me but my fiancee she's a really great teacher but was having trouble with this one class one of the students asked her mrs. teacher do you have any kids fiance oh god no kid that might be for the best good Lord children are savage I was teaching nutrition and garden education to second graders really sick all hopped up on cold medicine on a rainy day and discussing our agrarian community me does anyone know any farmers kid yet my uncle is a farmer nice what does he farm kid pot me me slowly blinks class giggles me okay we're talking fruits and vegetables here people does anyone else know a farmer how about farmer John do you guys know farmer John with the pumpkins babbling continues is it common for second graders these days to know what pot is well we are in California and the school had a pretty even demographic mix of migrant farmer and surfer families to be fair I think the rest of the class was mostly giggling at my own drugged-up reaction but this kid definitely had some pretty progressive parents from the level of sass he normally displayed he was also wearing a tie-dye sweatshirt when he made this comment so I figured I probably had it coming when I called on him today I learned surfer families are a thing I've found my niche this teacher has had four last names because of remarrying in the last five to six years an 11 year old student was wondering why this teacher has had so many names 11 years old missus have you been married before teacher yes 11 years old oh so you're her ho the kid honestly didn't mean it to be mean he just thought that is what you call someone who has been married a few times luckily the teacher didn't take offense to it and said well he isn't wrong however his homeroom teacher wasn't as forgiving I went through this exact thing a teacher started off with my class married then got divorced and went back to her maiden name for a year then married another teacher and took his name this was all before seventh grade we were so confused to be honest I am afraid to call her by the wrong last name I couldn't say with 100% certainty what her name is this year I teach pre-k the kids were out at recess and one was riding a bike wearing his helmet as he should one of my girls walked by and hit him over the head with our plastic baseball bat I asked her why she did that she replied a he has a helmet on I had to turn away and snort before telling her it wasn't okay to hit anyone even if they have a helmet literally every video game with friendly fire turned off ever hey miss will you touch my Wie on us standing there in silent shock student slowly bends elbow and points to it we nurse this was the day I learned what are we nurses apparently they had just come from biology ended up not really formally punishing the kids it was in fact a weenus but I did need a minute to control the laughter before I could teach a game we had a conversation about what appropriateness and context her after class I said this to a friend once and a teacher overheard me and I got in trouble now they think you have the G literally shaking and crying RM I am a teacher but the funniest punishment I know of was not for one of my students it was for my son my son is the quietest kid I have ever met he gets extremely anxious when he was four his grandfather died unexpectedly and he got even quieter for years he did not generally talk with schoolmates or ever ask adults besides me for help I had to explain this to his new teachers every year by the time he was 8 it was routine to go to parent-teacher conferences and have teachers share he was a good student but they wished he would talk more I went to a conference with his second grade teacher and she said I need to tell you your son got in trouble for talking to friends in class today I asked him to stop and he still disrupted the class so I had to put his name on the board when you get home will you tell him how proud I am of him and give him a high-five we had one of the best times ever at family dinner that night I'd say the same thing good to hear that he worked his way through his anxiety : this was so endearing to hear thank you for that join our community discord link in description teaching first great and a kid came up to me and said nice he just said something bad so I walk over to Lee and ask if he said something inappropriate he shrugs looks sheepish and says I said cows are big boobies I literally tossed with my mouth open was not expecting that one once at my brother's school what does the pig give us pork what does the Han give us egg what does the cow give us [ __ ] a friend of mine teaches first grade one day her class was watching Hercules and during the scene where Hades is smoking a cigar a kid shouts miss it he's smoking a fat blunt I can't imagine trying to keep a straight face well she had to tell her that she can't say that kind of stuff in school this one made me laugh out loud the fat part makes it work I taught her to receive for an after-school program k-6 and it seemed like those kids had too many funny but inappropriate moments one of my favorites c'mon beaches 1st grade girl to her classmates as they walk down the hall last week i jerking told one of my grade 8 students that he better behave because santa was watching he strolled away saying nonchalantly santa my ass i cracked up one of our students learning disabled dumped a glass of water on another student also learning disabled because we don't have time for naps today and we have to watch a movie I cried real tears under my desk because I could not stop laughing not a teacher but my mama's at a private Catholic elementary school during Mass a fourth-grade boy was giving the sign of peace shaking hands with those around him and saying peace or peace be with you and instead of saying peace he was muttering penis under his breath he got a detention but she said it was pretty funny and they all laughed about it later when I was a kid I used to say may the force be with you at Mass and also with you I have to almost physically stop myself from responding with and also with you during our outside time one student told multiple others that Mays T is humping on somebody's mama I have a hard time making the time for that with my own husband much less somebody else's mom it killed me to keep a straight face I had them call their parent and repeat it because there was no way I could without giggling this makes no sense yet all the sense kid was doodling on the whiteboard and at the front of the class and I told him to cut it out because he was going to waste the marker it was the end of the year and I didn't want to have to buy more he grins and then says that it's just the tip and then another student yelled out that's what she said I tried so hard to keep a straight face and failed so badly absolute legend not a teacher wayward parent of an equally wayward four-year-old I received a call from the VP of my daughter's school one day while I was at work I could tell the VP was holding back her laughter but she tried to remain professional hello your daughter acted out in class today the children were switching from coloring to reading as the carpet she threw her crayons down and pointedly said to the teacher are you ducking kidding me my knee-jerk reaction was damn it are you ducking kidding me it is clear where she learned this from my second thought was damn I have a kid in junior kindergarten that knows how to use that phrase in a correct form the following year the VP is no longer at the school we attend similar social group and talk often she loves to tell me that making that phone call was one of the funniest calls she has had to make us an educator that's ducking incredible my mom was an elementary teacher and always had a few good ones one that stands out in my head is a story about a bus ride on a field trip her second-grade students started playing some music at one point they started singing along into my mom got really excited because they were spelling their spelling that's so great it took her a moment to realize what they were spelling an entire bus filled with seven and eight-year-olds was rolling down the road with about forty little voices singing cuz I'm a math Arakan P I M he edit o my first silver thank you I'll have to tell my mom that her spelling story was a hit that hilarious mental image is one that I can't unsee and I don't want even see it I was covering for a teacher named Cathy late in her pregnancy and due for maternity any time who had just stepped out for a few minutes while I was sitting next to this one six-year-old Wiley we noticed that one bench among all of the others was deformed in its construction Wiley whoa what happened to this bench me hum I don't know Wiley what do you think happened to this bench hoping you'll see the difference in construction Wiley huh it probably broke because Cathy sat on it since she gained the loo who would have wait me , he did see the difference in construction so mission accomplished an eighth grade student once told me you look like the kind of girl who'd be friends with the lunch ladies that's either an insult or a compliment and I can't tell which compliment get extra food and the good food to sauce and friends with lunch ladies well are you this was from a friend teaching second grade kit Miss OH there's a bad word written in the bathroom teacher what's the word kid it's so bad I can't tell you teacher it's okay you can tell the teacher kid oh no I can't say that word but I'll give you a hint it starts with s and rhymes with duck teacher dot s you see see I got pages to this thread so here we go I teach in a rural school district in Wisconsin the kid in question was a self-proclaimed redneck and proud of it he also never swore in front of me because it was impolite I overheard him sometimes but he was careful to watch his language around me one day he tries to sell me sunglasses for a fundraiser but I wasn't entrusted I have prescription sunglasses so I had no interest in putting cheap sunglasses over my regular glasses he kept pressing me telling me that if I wore my sunglasses to a music festival that happens not too far from us the guys would be all over me upon informing him that I was engaged at the time the first words out of his mouth were I ain't seen a ring yet that can plug a hole there was a pause then a look of horror crossed his face oh my god I just said that to a teacher he covered his head and said to me in this quiet pleading voice please don't tell my mom I didn't I had to have a talk with him and documented it in our system as a minor infraction for inappropriate language but never called his mom more salt punishment his reaction was worth it our slash instant regret I teach non-native English speakers at the college level so they don't get in trouble for Mis speaking but there are often hilarious utterances two of my favorites student asking for a sheet of paper can I have a piece of sheet walking in well after class had started sorry teacher I got laid what sorry for getting late to class oh I thought you said I also teach ESL the other day a kid drew a picture of a Christmas tree with a banner over at that said Satan it was so enthusiastic and hilarious I couldn't even correct him you can't count past 13 because of your speech impediment Jesus Christ ducking roast the child I needed that today bless you I think the sweetest part is he hug you and apologized it is very telling when a kindergartener wants to crawl in your lap and snuggle after throwing a fit but we were doing reward points at the end of the day was a behavioral school one of our first graders sitting in the front row kept rolling a sheet of printer paper into a tube despite being reminded to put it away when he was cooled to be ready to get his backpack in the hallway he blew into the paper tube warned the yi-yi-yi as loud as possible I'd never seen him so happy to get a timeout not a teacher my 10 year old son was hit in the face by a girl and instead of physical retaliation boys don't hit girls he asked her if she scraped her knees when she crawled out of hell hard to keep a straight face in that parent-teacher meeting my friend told me this story we're both teachers in South Korea she was teaching six fifth grade kids a song marry you foreign English performance a school was putting on her Korean co-teacher thought it would be super cute if the boys held bouquets got down on one knee and proposed to the girls at the end of the performance one boy exclaimed water dark my friend died laughing that is honestly a terrible idea and I would have said the same English teacher here taught at a coastal school a few years ago that was incredibly isolated and therefore a little behind the times in terms of acceptable conduct anyway I had a bottom-of-the-barrel 10th grade class with around eight students in one day a student stops by to deliver a message from another teacher and this cheeky but affable kid in my class who knows the visiting student says Jack Jack what do you call a gay dinosaur I don't know megasaurus it was wholly inappropriate moderately homophobic and I ended up sending him out and giving him a detention but I was struggling to keep my [ __ ] together after he said it it's not homophobic though he just made a joke doesn't mean he dislikes gay people for being gay can confirm I'm a gay man and I laughed hey what do you call a lesbian dinosaur ellika lotta puss not a teacher with in sixth grade I remember one of my classmates who was a wannabe gangster although super funny get annoyed that our teacher was handing out papers with a new assignment on them when she got to him he said then give me that sheet everyone lost it including the teacher but he still got detention for it thanks for watching subscribe for three videos a day [Music]

Channel: Ask Planet

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Id: chPfSBKQYOk

Length: 24min 50sec (1490 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 20 2020