Teachers, what did you instantly regret saying? - (r/AskReddit)

like and subscribe right now or else this will be in your bed tonight our /oscar edit by planet reddit teachers had read it have you ever accidentally said something to the class that you instantly regretted a worked as a teacher at a school for kids with special needs one day a girl would not stop saying money shot money shot money shot and then chuckling a few of the boys knew what she was referring to and chuckled as well I asked her to stop saying money shot she looked up at me and stopped laughing and an awareness ness asked what does money shot me I froze not knowing what to say being a male staff there was no way I could explain a dirty meaning of money shot to 17-year old student with special needs so I opened my big dumb mouth and just said Google it within about three seconds I realized what I had just said and loudly yelled no no don't Google IT when my youngest brother was little this was his way of demanding the meaning of words what does that mean you don't need to know I'll tell you when you're older if you don't tell me now I'm going to go google it [ __ ] I once said are you ducking kidding me an earshot of my sixth graders after I watched the class bully go up to bat and strike out prior to this I had overheard him telling some other boys behind the backstop how much of a kitten they are and to watch me knock it out of the park class bully swung like a wimp and the nerdy non athletic kids ended up having a field day with him the students turned and stared at me after I said it and they asked me did I just hear you say duck I turned to the students and said no but I just heard you say it we continued on with our game and had a great day edit completing the story well played when I taught fourth grade I had a hearing-impaired little boy who wore special hearing aids that picked up my voice from a microphone I wore around my neck while teaching I was pretty good about turning it off when I was not delivering a lesson but sometimes I forgot one day I was so frustrated with my class and I went into the hallway to cool off I vented quietly while banging my head against the wall these stupid ducking kids I want to knock their stupid ducking heads together of course I didn't mean it took a deep breath and went back in the little boy was smiling a shit-eating grin and went at me he never told anyone he was so cool that's the coolest thing ever seriously the self-controlled to keep that a secret is mind-boggling especially for a fourth grader that's what I call using his head I was talking about genres of literature to my third graders and I said something along the lines of fantasy is something made up or that couldn't happen like Santa Claus I heard a gasp from a student and another student said nah up I was a bad guy the guy who took away the mystery ooo I did that to my friends three younger siblings I got in so much trouble for that a student once came into my math class to promote a donkey basketball game the teachers were going to participate it he said I don't know about you but I really want to see mr. C referring to the teacher of the class we were in get up on that ass and ride it mr. C instantly responded you sound like my wife after my peers burst into hysterical laughter he explained absolutely mortified he meant the students comments reminded him of his wife saying that she wanted to see an ass riding an ass wTF is donkey basketball you can pick your seats I trust you guys I'm pretty much learning this one right now learned this the second week of student teaching resist the need of being the cool teacher I'm a high school English teacher my first year teaching my freshmen were learning plot elements as the kids were quietly jotting down notes for defining the word climax one completely naive boy raised his hand and asked is it possible to have more than one climax it took everything I had to keep it together only if the author is female I taught English in a maximum-security juvenile detention facility that was made up of primarily inner-city kids anywhere from 13 - 17 kids were there on any number of charges ranging from repeat drug offenses to weapons charges rape and murder I was teaching a unit on text connections text to text text to self text to world I had brought in an article on PTSD in the military because a number of students in my classes cell block groups had mentioned there had family members who were or had been in the service a buddy of mine was active duty army and I figured this was something we could make an easy connection with the lesson went over great in two classes the last however was extremely difficult any does anyone here have a family member or friend who has served in the military crickets any does anyone have a friend whose family members have been in the military crickets any does anyone know anybody who may know someone who has been in the military crickets any does anyone in the room know anyone who has killed somebody crickets then suddenly student [ __ ] you in a room with about eight of them awkward silence the matter-of-fact way I imagine the kids saying that is cracking me up I think there was a valid question did you use it to your advantage and steer the conversation that way preface the word for penis in japanese is Chinchin I was a teacher in Japan at a time in a sixth grade class we were playing a game and I was different body parts for them to touch touch your knee touch your eyebrow touch your elbow I was having trouble thinking of the next part for them to touch and blurt it out touch your chin without thinking cue twenty sixth grade boys laughing and grabbing their crotches now I'm gonna go to Japan and run around saying not by the hairs of my chinny-chin-chin in high school there was a student named porky everyone at the school knew he was a STONER one day our science teacher got pissed because everyone failed the test except for porky she yelled maybe you should all start smoking pot because porky here is the only one who passed the test bringing a new meaning to puff puff pass study high take the test high get high scores I used to work at a preschool as a toddler teacher we had these annoying strings hanging from the ceiling with clothespins on them so that we could clip up artwork or decorations one of them was right at eye level and after walking right into it several times and uttering obscenities under my breath I decided to take it down one boy a very observant little boy as it turns out asked me where damn it go it took me a week to convince him that clothes pins are not cool damn it yes these are the best with little kids you get a million of these stories I once had a girl in my early preschool class who was playing mommy in the kitchen center she was banging dishes around in the sink and kept shouting [ __ ] over and over her mom was mortified when we told her points for not having to do with accidentally drawing a penis but seriously toddlers are so freaking funny about stuff like this I remember something my teacher once said to the class that made everyone cringe we were in secondary school and working on some maths problems as the teacher went around the room helping a boy in my class Chris had a really bad Lisp and in an attempt to get the teachers attention shouted Farrah's in so quick as a flash the teacher replied yes Kri everyone burst out laughing in the teeth was obviously horrified at what he had said he was a new teacher and obviously we're so used to joking around with his mates that he just forgot where he was for a second about six years ago I am teaching seventh grade writing I had just gotten a new student who could be best described as strange my lesson is coming to an end and I am getting ready to give the assignment the stranger new kid raises his hand about the same time as another student he then begins to whistle at me while raising his hand I turned to him and explode I asked do you think I am a ducking dog the class erupts in laughter I never lived that one down all the classes heard about if TL DR I dropped the f-bomb on a new kid in your defense it is really rude to whistle at somebody when I did the district jazz band for my area our director was hilarious it's like two hours before our performance he decides hey that song you all hate and can barely manage we're gonna do it guitarist mutters duck a few people do that too he offering V brand says what what's going on someone dropped an f-bomb V brand says no no no no no you can't draw Beth bombs you must project them with great force I was teaching B elf to a bunch of seniors and somehow or another had to describe and sketch out a few of the weapons on the board when I got to the double-headed battle-ax I took one look at my sketch and erased it immediately too late I had already drawn a penis on the board in front of 20-plus boys pandemonium ensued now class I'm not an artist but I can draw mean penis right I work at a juvenile correctional facility as a teacher one day my students were really grouchy and and cooperative so I got flustered and said boy are you guys crabby today quicker than I could understand what was happening five of the biggest early known gang affiliated youth shot up out of their chairs with literal fire in their eyes and said what the duck did you just say turns out the blood gang members will sometimes call the Crips gang members crabs to insult them thankfully they quickly realized I did not mean it with malice being a pasty middle-aged white guy and sat down before it got ugly TLDR accidentally insulted the Crips gang while teaching at a job Correctional Facility the Bloods gang members will sometimes call the Crips gang members crabs to insult them that sounds like something out of West Side Story it's such a dad joke edit hey guys did you know there is a subreddit called dad jokes I do because everyone keeps telling any it's hilariously childish the Crips call blood slobs from what I understand they'll never say will write the name of their rival gang during student teaching I split the class up into groups to learn about how different social groups women african-americans Native Americans Mexican Americans farmers etc were impacted by the New Deal once they were in their groups I sent them to different areas of the classroom to research when I dropped this line where are my African Americans and African Americans to the back of the classroom there were two black kids in class my teacher told me if we wouldn't stop talking she would stop teaching she regretted that edit guys she really did die well damn thanks for the connor mrs. J you were the best no joke I had a teacher who actually did that every lesson I failed English so after she retired from teaching what did she go on to do spelling out the word while giving a spelling test sadly it's happened more than once the kids love it though my history teacher when we were learning about samurai called seppuku bug egg although to be fair both are rather messy at least with seppuku it's all over after the first Prague I accidentally choked on my saliva during a lesson and I blurted out kids I have one lesson for you always swallow the entire 12th grade class burst into laughter and never let me forget it seventh grade my first year teaching kid did not want to read his next line of dialogue in A Christmas Carol I thought he was just nervous about reading to the class so I say very reassuringly with a smile I know it's hard and then he said his next line very attached to me was dawn whole class busts up laughing whoever put that in the textbook was definitely trolling middle school teachers I'm a middle school art teacher I had my eighth grade students make paper mash initials decorating them to match their personality anyway we were putting them away one day when one of the kids goes m's miss kitten where do you want the D and I said Oh wherever it'll fit the class died laughing and it took me about two seconds to realize what I'd said oops I was teaching English at a kindergarten hack one in South Korea it was my first teaching gig and I didn't really know what I was doing the kids were very young and were getting bored with my lesson they were leaving their chairs and started singing songs kiddie chaos etc in a moment of dumb frustration I smacked my four Eden said oh duck all of the kids heard what I said clearly and at the same time they all dropped what they were doing and mimicked me 15 kids were running around the class and smacking their foreheads while saying oh dark really loudly they saw that I freaked out a little when I said no no no no and held my hands out in a pleading manner so they in turn all said no no no no and mimicked me again at that moment I just laughed at what was happening because they had no idea what they were saying that we're having a lot more fun than learning about it was an experience I'll always remember though I sucked at teaching I'm imagining that seen an ice age with all the sloths who mimic what Sid does but replacing sloths with small children I'm imagining Homer as a missionary in the South Pacific island when they mimic him sang oh god oh god oh god rolling on the floor first lesson with a new class 28 first graders sitting in a circle in a hurry from the piano to the whiteboard I jump over this boy's head except I don't I knock him out with my knee right to his forage he passed out on the floor the discipline in that class from the norm edit spelling thn X Oh baby baby how was I supposed to know edit number two only reddit will award you for knocking a kid senseless I like it gold Jerri gold thank you didn't see that coming did ya Tucker are you duck I'm sorry my buddy is kind of an awkward guy and he teaches high school he had just shaved his beard and in class a kid says Oh mr. Jones you shaved knowing he usually shaves his neck he grabs his face and says oh you mean up here kids die laughing thinking he's talking about shaving his balls in front of high school kids edit many people have asked for the location of mr. Jones he teaches chemistry in a suburb of Chicago there was another time where he was playing music as the kids worked in groups and the song only the good die young came on he only knew the line come on Virginia so he turns to a girl named Virginia in his class and says I wrote this song for you Virginia the entire song is about trying to get a girl to have sex with you the entire class my buddy included just sat in silence as they analyzed the lyrics there is no way he is not the creepy teacher at his school it was at that moment Michael realized the song had a very different meaning one day in high school a student Amanda mentioned to the class at her father ran marathons the students who knew her father went on to talk about how fit he was and how young he looked this was the day after parent-teacher conferences and upon hearing this conversation our gay Spanish teacher chimed in with yeah he's a DILF the class froze Amanda started crying and he almost got fired I once told a fresh group of grade 9 calm sea students that they could download Python onto their home computer for free just go to www.hsn.com back then that led to poor head back in the late 90s we had some sort of internet training day in English class I think it was to be able to look up online sources to the English teacher had absolutely no computer savvy and tried to get everyone to go to Yahoo but he pronounced it yahoo most of us knew what he meant but at least a few went to www.yahoo.com suddenly porn when I was at it as assistant the school had some kind of clown in for some assembly he proceeded to tell us a story with a moral to it made entertaining with actions and miming it was about a guy who was ice fishing problem was that the clown was french-canadian and with his accent when he said ice it sounded like ass blissfully unaware of this he told an elementary school about a guy going us fishing and all of the things he did around the [ __ ] little did you know that was on purpose hair I considered that but this was a Christian private school some balls on that guy if it was on purpose my sir was a middle school teacher for a couple years and she told me this story she was talking about the importance of doing their homework she was trying to think of something to say and she came up with you can't just go home and play video games naked all day some kids from the back of the class shouts is that what you do after school q a red-faced and boisterous laughter so that's where my moustache went I'm in a better place now my math teacher accidentally called this Mexican kid a [ __ ] and then tried to play it off to the class like it was his cool nickname or something my best friend and I just looked at each other and shocked because nobody else even noticed nor knew what the word meant euhh his nicknames [ __ ] because he's like a jelly bean you just want a euhh eat a meal uuuu maybe I should start over oh boy now he's racist and a pedophile I'm teaching summer school in Baltimore City this summer two days ago instead of saying we'll start with the form of a thesis statement I said let's fart with the storm of a thesis statement we did not accomplish as much as I wanted to that day that's almost poetic with the storm of a thesis statement I like the let's fart with the storm bit so powerful my social studies teacher heard kids calling a short chubby boy showed and assumed that was his nickname so instead of asking what it meant he called him that for three months in class before finding out what it meant he then apologized for about an hour straight to the kid good times in tenth grade not a teacher but I was a nanny for some time and one time we pulled up to the house and my phone was ringing after I pulled over and answered the call I told the kids we'd go inside in a minute it was my boyfriend and he said something that shocked me and I said oh [ __ ] completely forgetting the kids were in the back seat age two four and eight to the two and four-year-old were almost to sleep and didn't catch on but I looked back - I got off the phone and the eight-year-olds eyes were wide as tea sauces I played stupid and said what like I had no idea he said you said the S word Hmong gets so angry when dad says that word were never supposed to say it he looked so mortified and I told him that I was telling my boyfriend how to make deviled eggs he didn't know what they were so I showed him on my phone what they look like and I told him that I was telling my boyfriend how to make the infilling I told him that he actually heard me say mo [ __ ] but only heard the second part he totally bought it and the mom howled with laughter when I told her later about it later how did you seriously come up with that response question mark my English teacher once said and I quote class it is time for some pleasure reading so grab your copies of duck love Berry Finn and get going he's a pretty old fashioned teacher but he busted out laughing at his mistake then asked us not to tell anyone well you abused his trust man didn't you he trusted you had a computing teacher about six years ago great guy bit of a dry sense of humor though me and him got along well one day this girl kept asking to use his computer to check her emails because hotmail was blocked for students so they didn't use MSN or whatever she kept asking and asking until he finally said stop it or I'll teabag you this happened in Scotland and while teabagging is a well-known term in certain parts of Glasgow and for the older generation it's used to mean stabbed multiple times in the chest he was clearly joking about the whole stabbing thing and it was all part of his sense of humor but when we finally explained what the meaning behind it was he was mortified something like that nowadays will get you fired was a known story throughout school as well last time I saw him I reminded him about it and he cringe so hard edit we did inform him of the real meaning in seventh grade I had a school project with my friend about confit and we made a cool poster we burned the edges and stained the entire thing with tea and painted on Chinese characters when the teacher asked us how he got the poster to look old she said I teabag the QQ q it I did this in my last comment too laughter Q is a noun and refers to a line that you stand in or alternatively to a traditional Chinese air style q is a noun or verb and it means a signal for something to happen originally in theatre gives not an English word at all edit as I have been reminded 2 Q is also a verb meaning to stand in a queue thanks for watching subscribe for 3 videos a day [Music]

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Id: Z_tRjAX9pJQ

Length: 23min 28sec (1408 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 11 2020