r/Woooosh • that's the entire joke

parachutes were invented in 1783. people before 1783 oh they were clutching they were mlg clutching you will still die from the impact of the water just so you know nah no you won't what's going on guys and welcome back to daily my name is damian and today we're going through r slash whoosh when the joke goes over their head i just bought fifty cartons of two percent milk and mixed it to get a hundred percent milk my bones are now indestructible uh it's still two percent milk no it's not because you mixed them together two times fifty duh babe hi i think you're go on say it um mexican no we're breaking up it was adorable you uh i'm dating a [ __ ] what you see through the microscope what bacteria sees but bacteria can't see idiot ah these people make things no fun hey look it's peanut butter what gross uh you mean peanut butter no i don't it's peanut butter look at the photo beethoven i'm a big fan please come to california dude he's dead well did he ever go to california if you're ever feeling down just remember that neither of doofenshmirt's parents showed up for his birth yo how was he born if none of his mom wasn't there though like zero over his mom none of her none of her was there how that's just the cruelty of life man first ever picture taken of a black hole in a visible light spectrum uh no this is a cat really cause i don't see any fur i don't see any ears i don't see any tails this looks like a black hole buddy home depot releases new bluetooth cordless hose but where does the water come from then did you not read it's transmitted via bluetooth dummy yo this boneless avocado uh dude avocados don't have bones yeah that's why i said boneless but if avocados don't have bones in the first place why would you even say it because it's boneless i'm still right it's still a boneless avocado i threw a boomerang a few years ago i now live in constant fear uh if you're a what dude oh you don't know fear the boomerang he thinks nobody can see him uh can see who the cat dumbass what what cat i don't see a cat i'm not seeing what you're seeing brain of a human brain of a cat brain of a rat brain of someone who thinks that video games cause violence uh where's the brain top left hey hello are you all listening to me what it was a play on your name i don't get it all right anyways you want to hear a joke about butter sure uh you know what actually it would just slip your mind please tell me i'm smarter than you think i would go cry i would start smashing things i was like no you're not you're dumb i've tried twice now when you failed my test both times so sad watching people eat alone uh bruh he's not alone they're just wearing camouflage where i'll see him i see us one guy trump lifts travel ban on chad finally uh he meant the country nah finally i could try i wouldn't want to leave my home when the colorblind meme takes off shh don't tell them please delete this too offensive what is it oh this guy the entire time he's just trying to what does he say oh he really wanted to know but no one would tell him because it was too dirty most people write congrats because they don't know the spelling of congratulations uh do you mean congratulations oh my god that's the joke you uncultured burnt toast like these people share brain cells with water bottle caps got the mental capacity of a rapper i'm talking like a snickers bar rapper not not not like a like a skirt not one of those rappers cowboy cow uh that's a horse nah [Laughter] children with strict parents i asked you what was the most rebellious thing you've done as a teenager nice try you can't fool me into confessing dad you really think your dad's using reddit paranoid much nah why are you using a throwaway selling this deer he about four months he sometimes barks but that's because he bilingual hit me up for prices oh no guys that's a dog yeah we know you know i'm still confused as to why i need to put my cake in the oven at 120 degrees that's i i've never thought of that as a joke that's brilliant i love that our twitter password is the last seven digits of pie ah no hackers so far um pie is a non-terminating irrational number there is no last digit all right take his kneecaps take his kneecaps he's no fun take em revoke them what does dna stand for oh national dyslexia association but that's not the right order or slash wolves uh i think you get it i have a friend who lives just outside chernobyl in ukraine he watched that drama and said he counted nine historical inaccuracies on one hand uh it's a movie and not a documentary i think you um you're overlooking something during labor the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels like when he accidentally kills his dog in minecraft uh labor contractions is equivalent to snapping 20 bones at once don't even start the human body can only deal with up to 45 dela pain but a swimming would labor go up to 58. have you ever killed a dog in minecraft though that's 59. my girlfriend sent me a birthday gift and asked me not to open it until midnight i am so much curious i hope it's a dog bro it's a drum set i don't know it looks more like a dog to me you see i can see the tail pass i don't eat dead animals hashtag go vegan oh you're hardcore eating them alive that's brave brave uh if you know what a vegan means you know we won't eat animals dead or alive okay wow google it i don't think i will [Laughter] wow they grow up so fast that's not ed sheeran in the first one [ __ ] you're really defensive about ed sheeran it's ed sheeran on an alt account on the reddit throwaway it's not me electricity was invented in 1752. people before 1752 uh actually cars weren't invented yet in 1752 so you're wrong uh he's fun at parties one day billy is walking outside and she saw a boy crying she said to him here kid have a roll of air conditioning pair coiled quarter inch by 3 8 4 10 8 20 meter poly finally uv protected insulated copper heat resistant to 120 degrees celsius you're destined to do great things that boy was elon musk really inspirational uh isn't elon way older than her like 30 or something i kind of doubt this story no offense to anyone timeline and probability just don't add up for me all right i guess you're just not a fan of inspirational stories dude guess you just don't believe in the life just you don't believe in life changing miracles man white people ages look all the same white people emperor of italy emperor of spain emperor of turkey emperor of france emperor of egypt emperor of greece uh they're all the same statue fire alarm goes off teacher emergency kid named nc hoops has awakened the ancient one there's no kid named nclmao i'm gonna name my kid nc how about that a great meme that has a chance to make it to hot a spelling error uh error you made meme about it but messed up sorry but not gonna make it a hot everyone why is it when something happens it's always you three usa america united states why are you so bad at geography that she used united states america and usa usa means united states of america and america is more than just the u.s whatever join the two day challenge no alcohol on february 30th and 31st can you do it there is no 30th or 31st this february hello knock knock i saw you saying i can drink this door handle fits perfectly into this hole in the wall uh that's because the handle made the hole in the wall right i mean come on come on goodbye world uh that won't kill you oh you wanna bet memes in 2009 if i download a movie in jamaica am i a pirate of the caribbean memes in 2019 me picks up food from floor in 4.99 seconds bacteria angry as [ __ ] uh no the bacteria just hop on right away no waits five seconds you didn't know you didn't know five second rule it waits it's polite i will not let you leave this house looking so improper young lady yo cause someone explained this i only get a fraction of the joke it's an improper fraction four over three it's upon you're an idiot the world goes on oh is he the idiot though freddie mercury coming back to rid the world of trash music 2019 colorized that's not freddy mercury that's the wolverine idiot also freddy is dead he wouldn't even be alive in 2019 so you're you're dumb on both ends pal soma ulta further discount stonks fam it says soulmate really because it says solma ulta on the shirts seriously what is his name all right i'm an incognito who's the cat in garfield bro his name is literally garfield lol you're just a dumb guy you're a dummy dumb dumberson ancient hi hello how are you are you male or female no i'm gmail you mean gay yes you know what yeah sure you know it probably took a good year or two to make this table uh i could make this in a day no what with what probably a good year or two huh that's the joke everyone isaac newton about to invent gravity gravity was discovered you dumb no he invented it i saw the epic rap battles if you ever asked to speak to the manager and this guy walks out just say thank you and leave no he's there to do his job and that's to hear what i had to say he may not like it but it's his job really man i can't believe some people still think the moon landing was faked hey you don't have a helmet so hey yo spacemen don't get the helmets on are you okay yeah they're just taking a photo getting mugged just say no your robber legally cannot take any of your possessions without your consent you do realize they won't hesitate to shoot you i'll ask them kindly not to i'm sure they'll listen damn i haven't been active in this discord since last year bro you talk here almost daily yeah you talked to you like an hour ago did i though girl takes selfie using the world's first hovering camera but there's clearly someone holding it where i can't see him just because your meme has a skeleton pun in it doesn't mean it's humorous uh it's spelled humorous hey what is the difference between ignorance and apathy i don't know and i don't care ignorance is the lack of knowledge or information and apathy's a lack of interest enthusiasm or concern so did you get the joke i just wished myself damn the manager at our local ikea is retiring so i sent him this cake hey where's the cake well he has to assemble it skelliger castle in sermion illy i'm sure i butchered all of that try building it on land next time you stupid ho try to [ __ ] off you ignorant [ __ ] and then he says something in italian and he goes oh baba mean he was whoa mama mia this guy chose blood oh my god the tension between him and italians donald trump was asked what the j stood for in donald j trump he said genius but genius starts with a g exactly cop i pulled you over for going 68 and 55. [Laughter] me dang 68 can you make that number a little cooler so i can hear the judge read it out loud cop sure whatever later in traffic court judge how were you going 420 in a 55 missed a 69 joke i wasn't going for the 69 joke so there's an amazon river now what's next lake facebook mount paypal oh god i want to believe this is a joke no it's a genuine question what's next cave youtube uh i i like blanked out for like 10 seconds i'm sorry this is the law respect it you are aware that sign means possible slippery roads ahead not leave rubber on the pavement no it means do the swirly drive and he's doing it the new airpods leaked uh you mean leaked no they're leaked like they're leaks god damn it just no one gets it legalize it uh learn how to spell legalize buddy and maybe i'll get behind your case magic 8 ball am i stupid hey yo that's a bowling ball not a magic 8 ball i know don't say you love the anime if you haven't read the manga uh nice try avatar the last airbender is not an anime although it does have anime influences but yeah not an anime still you haven't heard the manga buddy 2004 sucked at maths 2019 great at maths hashtag 10 year challenge uh that's 15 years dumbass f did you know that before jfk was assassinated he was known as jk the f was added after he died to pay respects oh f bruh his middle name was fitzgerald lmao idiot detected but it was to add respect what do you not respect jk water one mile water one kilometer americans i gotta get to that mile uh the cloner is closer though yeah that's literally the joke that's that's that's exact okay you know what again bring me his kneecaps microsoft buys minecraft for 2.5 billion dollars minecraft only costs 23.95 also microsoft oh no i fell for their trick no they bought the company minecraft they're not just the game well joke's on you because minecraft's not a company the amount they bought moyang idiot maglev alternative for high-speed railway train cars suspended by levitating doctors doctors continually repulsed by a line of apples the rail is the line of apples replaced daily you know misunderstanding is such a thing really because as i understand it an apple a day keeps a doctor away and what's happening in the photo man you can call me leonardo da vinci because i'll make you mona lisa what like mona lisa okay bro that's a red flag i got back out she's got the personality of still tap water played four roles in one movie played 200 000 roles in one movie with a million more well on the way uh you know not really every armored clone trooper in the prequel trilogy is cgi so i didn't actually play any of those my rise of skywalker review had no connection to the last eight movies too much music they made all the characters cats for some reason you sure you didn't walk into the wrong theater and accidentally watch cats no i'm sure positive actually you know i can only imagine how slow netflix streaming must have been while quarantining for the 1918 pandemic uh there was no netflix back then genius actually there was but you had to order it by telegram roughly two weeks after your request a team of actors would arrive and play out your choice and no you could not rewind dude you gotta go visit new york i promise you won't regret the view uh dude that's literally just a bunch of old radiators no it's new york i should know nothing since where makes went apart two shirts for a happy couple twitter we're getting old 2000 was 19 years ago 1995 was 24 years ago 1989 30 years ago in 1985 34 years ago but get this 1453 was 566 years ago these kids today don't even remember the siege of constantinople in the fall of the byzantine empire uh nobody can live that long oh you wanna bet oh you wanna bet racist with his confederate flag bro it literally says norway on top holy hell norway what nor away i'm gonna be decent and not be racist yeah sure it means no way all right engineers creating the wi-fi password on the router dude it's randomly generated you fart nuggets a computer made it not as an engineer doing exactly that wiping his ass on the router me coming out of the area 51 knowing how to capitalize numbers how do you capitalize numbers go to area 51 you find out last year obama said he was 57 this year he said he's 58. which isn't obama or that's because a year passed i duh like come on ricegum doesn't deserve all the dislikes yo galaxy you misspelled oxygen i never wrote oxygen dumbass i'm sure about that because you misspelled it i think yo have y'all seen a pancake on a rabbit lmao bro this is not true obama would not post this you know these are the only open-minded presidents we've ever had ah yes a slave owner a slightly less dedicated war criminal the most open-minded i just saw some idiot at the gym put a water bottle in the pringles holder on the treadmill dude that's a water bottle holder then why does it fit my pringles so perfectly i like my reddit posts the same way like my girlfriend's bra removed because they aren't able to catch the punchline for got removed who's gonna tell them who's all right this guy the bottom tell them thank you thank you for explaining that was the damn punch line the man who created autocorrect has died restaurant in peace why did you correct the mind am i the first human to be color blind and solve a 4x4 rubik's cube but you didn't solve it 10 plus 239 shipping 12.39 and free shipping that's a better deal i mean you're basically paying the same price law makes me mad separated at birth queen of england queen of australia they're the same person lol uh it's the same person the queen of australia is queen elizabeth in fact felix is an expert on pretty much everything swedish oh this felix guy is great you should have a youtube channel oh my god dude are you serious really oh who's gonna tell them when you hit your toe on a coral reef [ __ ] are you serious sharks don't even have toes oh you don't know that you don't know what happens underneath the water hey guys i shaved her mustache looks so much better uh that's her lip really because it looks like a mustache bud i bet you showered naked you s of course i shower naked why would you were you showering fully clothed you rocking with clothes showers hey i just fed a stray dog in russia that's no dog really because he was friendly like one and he even learned how to sit and shake fun disney fact fiona was the first redheaded disney princess when she made her debut in 1988 one year before ariel did the little mermaid uh shred came out in 2001 well good for him but this is about fiona what you see versus what color blind people see this is heartbreaking uh red lobster or lobster they can still see the sign the word red on there isn't actually red and it also depends on which color they can't see so you're wrong buddy to all people when they get insulted angry skyscraper noises what i don't get it skyscrapers don't make noises i don't realize how tired i was i went to bed at 8pm i woke up at 1pm jesus ah yes negative seven hours of sleep oh no that's 17 hours no it's negative seven how to slow down time step one you know this doesn't actually slow down time it just seems slower because doing something difficult to see more aware of it uh no it slows down time buddy it's real the sniper shoots dummy dummy doesn't move the sniper checks internet connection mom bro they had no internet in world war one computers weren't even invented while he was lagging clearly i wanted to post a joke about sodium but i was like nah people won't understand bro post it anyway most people are smarter than you think it will probably understand it tungsten oxygen oxygen oxygen oxygen sulfur hydrogen otherwise known as whoosh 40 year old karen's when they say konichiwa in an italian restaurant yokonichiwan's russian though uh it's japanese well we're all mixed up aren't we why is dino game like this and not like this you think world is a small sphere that would shape like that how small your brain is bigger than yours buddy horoscope girls be like hey i'm sorry i cheated on you with your dad stole your money and broke your car windows but i'm an asparagus it's just how i am aspiragus isn't a star sign dumbass really then why is my birthday on asparagus huh save link steal this meme uh that's just safe image ass no it's still this meme why did they put so much detail on his head than just give him a stick figure body shut up oh i'm pretty sure that's his tie uh no look he's dancing me opening the window to let the fresh air in everybody on the submarine well if you're in the submarine there won't be fresh air outside only water so sorry buddy sunglasses companies invented the sun to sell more sunglasses don't have me no the sun has existed for millions of years this is not true this is false well would you like an appropriate pickup line corny name pun or normal conversation uh i'm interested in b really be too easy to tailor to yeah i want to see what you got let's see or all the above you lost the plot taylor chris nolan has done it again tenet is the best action film ever michael how do you get to see the wonderful film for us the general public lol he's in it the amount of people who don't know the difference between two and two is too damn high you're one of them no he's not if you ever crash your car just press this button it'll undo the accident bro this is a lie that button makes air circle the car idiot liar dumb stupid liar idiot hashtag stop vegans these pictures were taken just two years apart vegans are eating all of our grass and we need to stop them oh boy as a vegan this is highly incorrect but at the same time it's quite funny since the animals you guys eat eat more food and drink more water than us humans consume so please don't post this stuff it's quite offensive and i bet you wouldn't like being made fun of because of your beliefs go eat hey eat some grass go touch grass and then eat it got sad news today after seven years of medical training my good friend has been struck off after one minor incident he slept one of his patients and now can no longer work in the job he loves what a waste of time training and money a genuinely nice guy and a brilliant what sleeping with a patient is not on minor indiscretion glad he's gone bro yeah i think you're missing i think you're missing the point just three lesbians looking at each other uh where's the third one oh you didn't know man i can't believe this guy actually sat there for 10 years to get all those photos for us it's crazy it's a time lapse idiot he didn't just sit there for 10 years you stupid no i'm just respecting his his grind what happens when i tell people i'm colorblind that's cool points of the object what color is this hey forgot to put yellow on the list uh what we didn't see it and that's gonna do it for our slash whoosh and i hope you got the jokes and if you like the video be sure to leave a like down below and subscribe for more reddit videos daily and until next time my name is damian and i'll be seeing you [Music] you

Channel: DeeLee

Views: 1,081,918

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% true stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, ez pz, reddit funny, r/Woooosh

Id: na6qPmrMSsg

Length: 22min 44sec (1364 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 31 2021