THE BEST OF r/ME_IRL

[Music] when someone tickles me stop until it becomes a cut out and then they're panicked do british people still do the accident when nobody's around oh no i'm not british do we have anyone british on standby on the on the team that we can ask about this anyone at all i would love to get some insight on this a professional opinion if you will wakes up before alarm goes off me please don't be six clock five fifty-nine oh great oh okay yeah this one hit hard i'm i'm a little bit of an insomniac alarm set for three hours and 48 minutes from now that's not even enough for one good sleep cycle but that's probably good for like one probably americans have literally no banter i don't know what country this is coming from but we probably beat you in a war at some point i'm american oh civil war there you go sex is cool have you ever have you ever had sex i mean it's pretty cool hard to top honestly [Music] you win this time me building up the courage jump subscribe from a youtuber who i've watched grow up and progressively become more annoying hey yo don't call me out like that no we're still cool right right off funny chills mean funny ravioli there's a hamster in my muffin remember [Laughter] you hit the wrong x buddy you're going to the app store sorry pal this isn't an exit prompt it's an entrance prompt my art at 16 versus my art at 24 and both of those pieces are gorgeous anyway here's my art at 8 16 24 and 30. do you like it i put it on the fridge then my chest really hurts for a couple seconds but i don't die why is heart attack taking so long it's it's a little shy give us some time be patient in 2009 stephen hawking hosted an open party for everyone but only publicized it after it was over so only time travelers would know to attend as he expected no one came maybe i don't want to go to your whack ass maybe maybe no one wanted to go to your wack ass party steve okay because everyone knows you're gonna spoil all the tv shows and then i'm gonna have nothing to watch because you already spoiled it all so you know whatever if you were such a great person on earth how come you ended up here earlier omg it's god ball hoop oh actually i can't resist boundary between land and ocean exists humans ah she please see a food party why not thinking about a girl from camp 15 years ago called zhu who's named this other girl whose name this other girl named britney refused to pronounce and gave her the nickname sonny and how's you as revenge i don't know if i'm saying her name right i'm so sorry decided to pretend she couldn't pronounce brittany and called her bing bong instead sonny and bing bong frenemies doing my will needs some info for my brother message him to ask his address and job title failed to remember today was his birthday hey do you mean my date of birth as well jess yes but i know that do you definitely yeah yeah 100 sure got your ass dude got him busted how a blanket be looking like when i try to find the long side at 1am that's why i sleep with multiple blankets don't just sleep with one keep a couple on standby in case one of them decides to be all hexagonal and polygonal on you me playing chess at ages 8 16 18 and 23. that's a long freaking chess game you okay you had water and snacks yet there's a family of rats living in my bathroom yeah uh no pet allowed in building also rents do buh-bye hey uh how do vaccines work simply explain please right so imagine there's a bully in your town who wants to kick your ass you find his picture online and show it all your buddies so they know how he looks like when the day comes and you see the bully on the street you phone your buddies they come recognize them and beat the hell out of them that's how it works hero bird saves guy from 300 fine government camera government drone got him dude nice last month my cat disappeared a week ago i found him and brought him home today my cat came back now i have two identical cats a brother an idiot would say the government you see giant affect the moon landing but uh the cgi in 1996 king kong looked like clay like king klump [Laughter] minutes ever getting kidnapped so what made you choose me i mean you couldn't get a sense of my personality you just kind of loaded me into this van i mean are we going out somewhere are you just taking me home already [Laughter] that was awful you're a grown ass man eat the crust crust is the best part slop it up and all that sauce left over on the plate lab reports online homework midterms essays completely reasonable deadlines i just didn't want to do it only you can prevent forest fires seriously we've been defunded it's just you now i'm gonna freaking die disease symptoms easy tummy hurts a bit too much for a bit too long babe baby come under the sheets with me why just trust me isn't this cool i got a stegosaurus triceratops and a t-rex that's a nice kissing drawer about to open there be a shame if someone were to prevent that entirely you know exactly what i'm about to do don't you my dog is 16 so i figured it's time for some driving lessons uh he's having trouble reaching the break in the paddle the the acceleration pedals but that's okay the spirit's there that counts i'm locked out of my dog's facebook account that i created in 2010 and they won't let me back in unless i send over a copy of his driver's license i have no choice but to teach him how to drive well i mean hey the last post just showed you how to teach your dog to drive so i mean you could technically do it ah see i got the cool little sliding thing on my headphone cord let's just pull it up oh i do that for the thrill man hey uh isn't it a universal thing brush your teeth an hour before the dentist to try and hide the prior six months of neglect i do it all the time and by all the time i mean none of the time because i don't see a dentist not during covet season me stays home from school everyone's in second period right now nice i don't know if it's just me but i feel like every time i stayed home from school that's when the most interesting things happened when a linkedin recruiter asked me if i'm interested in a job in oklahoma nah man i'm pretty freaking far from okay all right maybe somewhere near your local area then video games were created in 1958 mothers in 1957 when her kid got bad grades farms well it really would be books and comics don't f with me i will cry and that's a guarantee buster i finally replaced my pc oh so you're playing new games i'm playing old games faster listen to my brain it's pumped with energy [Music] go ahead and read this it's a effect i printed out for you i put that one a day and he reads it gangnam style came out eight years ago did it really come out eight years ago oh my god and now it's been added to fortnite how far it's come huh hey what pride flag is that oh lee guessed the word the word was germany don't know if that's a pride fly actually hold on are flags of nationalities just that country's pride flag huh i don't know if that's gonna get people mad at me or not but that's a fun thought you could tell everything you need to know about a person by whether they think gg stands for gilmore girls or gossip girls i mean you think it stands for good game so we're not all on the same page here okay my mom gracias a japanese waiter in a japanese restaurant she aimed the thank you and completely missed who it was supposed to hit that's nice it's good means it's working gf i'm sick of you pretending you're a detective we should split up oh good idea we can cover more ground that way going places kid hacker saying he knows my address me who's known it for a long time we're on the same page now bucko think i didn't know that stupid i feel like that would stump a hacker he'd be like hey what what do you mean i hope you know it which of the following best describes your household i live alone are you the head of the household no that'd be the ghost upstairs i've been building my son's trust for two years with high fives today i'm gonna hit him with a too slow welcome to the real world son sometimes to really be your own dad are you hired son no well back to the grind and then slam the door shut me heal my disease brain no me takes pill with no effect brain wow you son of a being i'm in are you really sleepy or do you just want to go to bed so you can dream and use it as an escapism from your crappy reality i'm just sleepy maybe i want to talk to my spirit guide who knows welcome to the internet bro oh this place is kind of a dump how do you spend so much time here uh i have nowhere else to go introverts be like do you even want to go no but i'd like to be asked right jeez my wife is making me do this stupid parade someone kill me now please i don't know what that was that was my best attempt you're not get i'm not doing it over i'm not giving that a second try that was my best effort and i thought i blew the heads off i mean the roof off this place hey is this real uh yeah actually you can tell it's a tweet from the 60s because of the aging you [ __ ] like this username is cubahater239 it's awful where do you see yourself in 10 years oh you know a nice couch a glass of chardonnay and my five cats all drinking with me i'm an artist i like to get inspiration from the real world like this image of a forest i stumbled across on my hiking trip take a look me planning a party please leave by not can we can we pay attention to the the the napkin that says never that's been thrown on top of there the the the mild defiance i love it game i haven't played in years me playing it again wondering why i stopped playing it that level oh it's always that level just heard my husband call the dog a liar because he barked like someone was at the door and there was no one there i got used to that because my dogs would bark at the dumbest things to where i wouldn't even go and check the door of the bark because i knew it probably wasn't anything it became such a such a common occurrence that i just began to treat the dog barking as a uh as just a reminder that they're alive you know other brains still working upstairs yo y'all let me chill and then think damn this is real life every time every time my dad saw me smiling at my phone and assumed it was because i was texting my partner and exclaimed oh to be young and in love i was looking at this picture of scrappy dude dressed as a lobster honestly same thing same thing pride flag for people who are only sexually attracted to luigi and finally we get some damn representation thank you my mom said she likes ramy malek because he reminds her of her dog and i cannot unsee it nice your friend you're best friends with ronnie malik look at that deer when a branch cracks deer when two tons of steel are coming at them at 140 kilometers an hour what got me was the mc rod just staring right in my soul come on man is this a threat be ready to meet muhammad ali outside well everyone subscribe he wants to scrap i've never been want to say no remember mid-2018 when memes just sort of collapsed on themselves and we got stuff like this for a few months are you dissing e unbelievable dude me deleting my meme after i got negative six points oh you're not a loser you're just not funny that's okay why do people like feet not kink shaming just wondering what about feed makes them so attractive to some people oh i don't know that must be something from the us because here in europe we're more into meters this professor graded tests next to me the whole flight if there's a taiwan jones at howard boy you failed your midterm so i just found out i failed my midterms but also went viral on the internet and i don't know how to feel maybe disappointed that you failed academically but proud that you succeeded in your virality taiwan jones that's the real goal people who treat their birthday as a normal day think they're more matured than everyone no we're just miserable leave us alone please hey a work ever kick your ass so bad you drive the speed limit home with no music playing using your time to refresh can't even be breaking the law or nothing me too i had a lot of days like that bill gates let's make more vaccines no you put microchips in our bodies in track eyes elon musk i will literally put a microchip in your brain nice thanks daddy elon hey what do you think about my app i think your app's amazing oh that's great can you please rate my no no why would you ask that why did you have something so stupid why would you you have a small brain get a tiny brain on you and a little peanut brain it's dumb don't ask that don't ask dumb questions worse she could say is no oh oh oh hold on anyway this is kind of weird but i think you're really cool you want to hang out soon she screen capped it with lmio my greatest fear came true huh oh my god conor i am so sorry oh connor you know i did a i don't know if i'm allowed to say that but i made a video about dudes being down bad uh and this fits the theme right away if he he that's awful oh [Music] man fruits that do not live up to their name passion fruit grapefruit honeydew dragon fruit fruits that do live up to their names orange heartbreaking man too good at fighting game to enjoy playing against friends but not good enough to play competitively he's in the middle ground that we call twitch streamer good asking for help online i'm having the same problem and they both drown me standing over the [Laughter] oh that was funny me sitting over an npc at 3am i took care of that quest for you [Music] hail what's stopping jeff bezos from being santa like he has our addresses he has drones he has a wishlist and him and knowledge of our habits he's specifically making the choice to not be santa i don't get it why bezos hashtag why bezos nobody math teaches the first day of the school year we're already behind schedule we have so many arithmetic problems to do and you best not have forgotten your protractor i'll kill you i'll eat you alive [Music] [Laughter] me before getting in the shower no don't let the water touch me i am a desert creature dirty and free me in the shower lungs were a mistake the sea is and always has been my home what is this animal i'm looking at what is this funky looking animal he looks like a shoehorn turned into a creature i'm eating breakfast at the busy restaurant below my apartment a lovely young woman just asked me if i could hurry up and finish my breakfast my friend is coming in 15 minutes and we want to take your seat so i'll be here for the rest of today because i hate i hate i just hate i hate them me trying to stay sleepy when i go to the bathroom at 4am that's why you turn zero lights on poop and darkness it's good for the soul scientists just erase certain memories from a snail's brain and they'll think it will work on humans too scientists do you remember anything snail oh my god what have we done it worked on a snail snl rails like trump is gone and now they have to make actual content ah well now you got nothing to snell don't worry he'll do something else to embarrass himself imagine if your dad was a mentor and your mom was a mermaid and you got the human half of both and now you're just some guy i'd say i lucked out honestly how do people find their soul mate in the first two months of college and it took me four months just to find the administrator building i don't get it how do y'all probably how do y'all do that so fast how y'all going so fast life was better when these apps were the height of technology oh dude i loved i loved the the app that was the gun you'd fire it and then you could like reload it it felt so cool i felt like a spy i'd always take the handgun and like hide around my house pretending i'm fighting criminals would be cool me looking for my phone in my bed blankets and then just found it tigers have false eyes on the back of their ears to discourage predators from attacking them from behind well i am slightly less terrified of tigers now and a thousand times more terrified of whatever the hell a tiger considers a predator that's your fellow man baby your 20s are the best years of your life my 20s and that's the that's your peak think about that i have an uncle who responds to text messages after two months no one knows where he lives exactly and he shows up when he wants to he's one of my role models people that walk fast are reported to be less happy damn right i'm unhappy because i'm trapped behind a slow walker now move i mean i don't think i'll fix your happiness issue but okay hey stop complaining about your life all right there are literally people living in the usa like me so how about you check your privilege bud me checking if everyone else is vibing with a song i put on no i just don't care i play it if you don't like it put on earphones i'm i'm driving that's my car all right i pay the insurance on this you don't once you start paying my car insurance then you can decide we can split on the aux cord all right hey didn't you wear that last week may i present to you the novel concept of a washing machine and dryer i know never seen one of these before have you imagine she's got her avengers candy bag she's dressed up as the wasp for halloween escorted by her father paul rudd who played ant-man and the actual blockbuster film ant-man and the wasp but he just had to go as weird al yankovic because he'd get recognized as ant-man man and then he couldn't go out with his kid for trick-or-treating well what is this symbol well it's wi-fi i would actually know why fine you're connected and you're just not allowed to access anything because of it guess the place uh windows xp yeah when my final exam is tomorrow uh just chilling out me doing research on a random topic to prove someone wrong in the comments happens to all of us our spite our spite drives us this morning i cracked an egg and it was double yolk and i was like cool the second one i got double and then i'm like whoa third egg i was like and fourth i was like what are the odds then i read the box they were double yolk box eggs nice do you ever bring your pet up to a mirror and air just like that is you no don't do that you're gonna depress them don't give them a perception of self no no murder documentaries be like they were a happy family until they weren't and then there's like a dramatic like sting doing this without any reason oh the little straps on your backpack i would do that like around my finger as a kid just see it get purple is that weird i'm not making a joke here i just i would like wrestle with my pencils i'm a big fan of wrestling so i'd like make my pencils wrestle or like tie this drive around and be pretending it's like um like the rope of a wrestling ring and it's mick foley being choked out or by the undertaker or something i don't know my my days as a kid with with a backpack were just like imagination 101. i just farted on a zoom call and lit up my name i've been betrayed by my own [ __ ] and isn't that how it usually goes you are always gonna have a calculator in your pocket lying ass 90s teachers i think that's lying as teachers in general because i have a smartphone in my pocket right now and uh i had i could pull up something in it let's pull up modern technology plus basic math equals i always have a calculator in my pocket me trying to get my cat to make the face from the meme my cat never gonna get it class of 2018 class of 2019 class of 2020 the virtual edition and the class of 2021. are you sure we're gonna go back to that in 2021 i the more i look at the guy right in the middle of the class of 2018 the more i want to know what he's up to because he looks like just a grown man who got thrusted right in the middle of the class same with the dude like second to right in the class of 2018 what are these guys up to those are the kind of dudes who once they're born they look the same from age one to age 80. that's just i'm assuming the lifespan any person has generally on average just from age one to death that's their exact face never changes my friends you give the best relationship advice but you're single how's this possible ah you see coaches don't play but they did it one point otherwise they couldn't be a coach can't coach something you know nothing about am i right when your computer says you don't have permission to edit this file i own you yeah well i'm not really feeling up to it can we all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct to where do you see yourself from where do you see yourself five years from now no one thought oh inside's hiding away from a pandemic no one guessed that and if they did they're lying or they're a time traveler no in between crackers love cheese isn't that right you cracker just getting angry just [Laughter] this is just every time i say cracker i'm filled with rage just shaking sweating frothing hey check it out my man smiling with these two boys right here wait updated his profile picture hey come on man at 4 59 it's sunlight 5 p.m not anymore that's how the sun works y'all making a whole diorama entirely out of paper just for this one stupid meme using the same format me are you getting five up votes for it oh no doctors will be like uh go and buy this here's this cool line i drew yeah the pharmacist will give it to you autocorrect me typing walkie slide for the 14th time oh not a duck no it's not what i wanted to say at all hashtag 10 year challenge year 7 to university let me see your ears let me see your ears bro more than 20 sealed coffins discovered near luxor egypt no it was brandon frazier doing something put that wacky slide back this is not the year well when will it be andy because i want to see what's in those funky caskets tom holland accidentally uploads entire avengers 4 movie to twitter oh that loose-lipped brits done it again tom holland this actually stressed me out for a second i was like wacky sly did i yeah you did and i'm watching it for free me when i suddenly forgot a word in my native language but i know it in english brianna's native language is spanish i wonder if she has any of this like situation like that i actually want to ask her she's sleeping right now but when she wakes up i'm going to ask her and then i don't know you'll see a post on twitter whether or not she has any words like that isn't it weird that people living paycheck to paycheck are supposed to have months worth of savings for emergencies while billion dollar corporations are so poorly managed that they're on the brink of bankruptcy after a week of reduced profits wow veggietale facts this might be the most serious thing you've ever posted then you tell fact bob is a capitalist i'm coming out of the lake and i've been doing just fine gotta gotta get out because i wanna walk started out as a fish how did it end up like this i was only a fish i was only a fish now i've fallen asleep and i gotta do tax and i gotta do tax and i gotta do tax that's the rest of the song i feel so bad when i overtake an old person on the sidewalk like man i really didn't mean to flex on you of my youthful stride but here we are now watch me jump real hard is fortnite actually overrated ah i see discussions between plato aristotle and socrates you know my worst fear is accidentally committing tax fraud because i'm an idiot that's why i let my mother handle my taxes because i i will i would be i i sit i let her do them and then i sit like like a good little little uh little dumb man that i am with my hands and my lap and i go how do you do that i ask so many probing questions because once i once she's once she's gone there's gonna be so much struggle for me to complete my taxes correctly i mean maybe i should get i want to hire like an old-timey accountant like a like a like a new yorker who does taxes and he goes well making profits baby and i'll go ah thanks frank traveled like two hours to see mount fuji well was it worth it can't see it climate change fight should be sexy and fun and japan's new environment minister says what no no let the man speak he's bringing some points to the table now continue please what do you mean by sexy and fun hey gatorade i'm having some trouble opening the lid to your bottles any ideas what the problem is ah dude we're very sorry to hear you having trouble with our twist off caps maybe hit the gym once or twice you flocky slide [ __ ] anyway we're blocking you on this account now [Laughter] 2018 gay bowser there is one person in the united states named gay bowser 2019. there are zero person in the united states named gabe bowser but in 2020 once the gay bowser arrives once more it's the return of the king baby girls names starting with p we have paige paula patricia pakistan international airlines and 15 more no what though these are all real names real names hey what does mood af mean [Laughter] oh it means mood is flocky sly mom like my current mood or whatever so why did you comment that under a video of a gorilla throwing his own [ __ ] wacky slide sometimes that's how i want to be ugh i want a duck i went out and i got a duck i love my duck that's a great story thank you um how long does someone have to be dead before it's considered archaeology instead of grave robbing well as an archaeologist i find this a very awkward question answer the question grave robber which is how what's the gestation period yo my man grew up now he's now he's hitting his stride ain't nothing going to slow him down he's got to keep on moving blind woman told to get off bus because guide dogs can't be black imagine being blind and the bus driver is like you can't come on guide dogs aren't black and you're just there like what the [ __ ] black hey buddy takes off glasses the blind glazed eye i don't know what colors are bro my brain were going through airport security oh god what if i accidentally have a gun mine's worse because sometimes i like well like there was a there was a time where i forgot to wear underwear and i was on a uh like on a flight and it was where they had to pat you down and uh i was wearing basketball shorts and i was like oh god they gotta get up in the thigh and i was so nervous that the guy was gonna graze against my nuts um and that we would lock eyes i didn't want to pat down brush against the ball and be like bro i'd be like when am i what's what's in there officer i might have to do a deep cavity search [Laughter] hey have my sandwich probably gonna save the other half for later no seriously what is this this lock and thumb we don't eat sandwiches like this you're you're awful eating sandwiches like that when your mom tells you you need to lose weight after calling you handsome two days ago hey speaking of losing weight i'm not gonna try to make this about me too much but i'm gonna totally make this about me right here your boy is losing weight ketos cheetahs kicking in baby low carb diet already aren't losing weight this this big old gut of mine mine's gonna be rock hard abs in no time and then i'll wash my clothes on my big old abs hercules hercules you don't want to be on the receiving end of this gunship aka the angel of death this is what we have insulin and debt free college just in case you guys wanted to know i really wish i were living through a major historical event right now but i don't have a choice this is what the animal crossing developers think cool means and they're damn right that is cool i was actually thinking of starting to like paint my nails because i have a really bad nail biting habit and i want to paint my nails to stop it uh and i'm going to get flames on my ring finger and the rest of them are going to be black i think it'd be super sick me in 2040 looking at the f my son got on his math homework that i solved oh i'm sorry son ill-happened romantic hopeless romantic no that's not what that says it says ill-haul patnet's romantic lmao i'm at my school talent show and dude says before i begin i want to make sure this mic is working if your name is michael please stand up then a couple dudes stand up and he goes that concludes the mic check and he was kicked out for such a good joke me mom we're cleaning the whole house tomorrow 14 year old me oh okay all right together they'll be fine oh my god this guy in this bathroom wearing a cowboy hat just greeted me with a howdy brother and i panicked and i said man i gotta take a mighty piss walks in hey brother yeehaw let's run the inventor of the super soaker early 1980s he's a redditor yes i am oh dude you've single-handedly filled many summer days with hours of entertainment [Laughter] i had to use both hands stop holding on to people just because you have a history together but they're my kids nah let them go i don't feel well okay breathing comes out just sharing sending my next patient i'd love to go back in time and blow people's minds with my incredible knowledge but how do you make this electricity i don't know how do you want your burgers uh rare legendary i don't think that's way what oh they're the fortnite burger tears look at that rare legendary me rereading my own post every time someone likes it like yeah that was a good one wasn't it when you watch a live stream after it aired it's like listening to a podcast to feel like you're a part of a conversation ah yes me my girlfriend and her five hundred dollar four foot tall marie the family's here i can't believe the heat from the sun traveled 149.6 million kilometers just to melt my goddamn chocolate bar a sinkhole roughly the size of six to seven washing machines has closed the northbound lanes of state line road near 100th street in kansas city missouri and americans will measure with anything but the metric system next we're going to use pigeon me trying to use literally anyone else's microwave for the first time and it's complicated you know you may make mistakes but at least they're usually not we could see your mistake from space bad however the boat that blocked the seuss canal was that bad and i want to put that boat back put it back creek croc creek my chair's going cuckoo crazy so my dad is a college professor and he just got alerted recently that in an effort to go paperless the faculty is having their printers taken away my dad decided to take this opportunity and create a meme so he proudly goes up to me and tells me i created a meme and behold me running away from my building with my office printer and paper after csu decided to go paperless it's my dad's first meme he was so proud of it he emailed it individually to other faculty and nobody gave him any acknowledgement again in my room all sad please share to give my father the meme support he deserves i'd say he made a banger he deserves the praise he made a damn banger also there we go sorry it was itchy that was an itchy guy i was an itchy fella we did it time to google joe biden political views everyone let's go we made history ladies and gentlemen now we gotta just go ahead and uh uh oh it's a wikipedia article i made depression cereal it's just a bowl filled with oreos and milk someone please help me that sounds good alrighty why aren't millennials buying diamonds ah dude sorry i was too busy paying 485 for a campus parking pass oh my bad dude should have bought that diamond instead strong password using it for multiple sites well now it's fat now it's ruined left arm of the forbidden one petting a cute little dog flight attendant is there a doctor on board dad nudging me should have been you not now dad not asking for a graphic desire to help are they dad there's a dad there's a medical emergency happening right now yeah well just save him as a pdf and see if that helps god i'm so not proud of you the debate said pee pee police hunting for sport a chubby penguin wait the president ate a baby ah kitten i love the internet oh crap this virus is turning all the people into pigeons it's horrible game that has and you and the special thanks credits me who pirated the game near the next heir to the video game throne the entire planet just on fire and baby boomers having a ball nothing's wrong you can't post or comment for three days cause you said that every white cop looks [Laughter] i mean hey let's do some comparisons tell me if they're wrong our boss turned herself into a potato on our microsoft teams meeting and you can't figure out how to turn the setting off and so she was just stuck like this the entire meeting all right everyone before i sprout you can harvest me we got to work out these stock portfolios if you ever want to kill an hour with a man ask him what animals he thinks he could take in a fight hey what animal do you think you're taking a fight i don't know maybe a horse do i get prep time yeah but the horse gets it too oh then no there it is there was a meme related that was like okay i'm a fight horse it's like a boxer that he's like sitting on the bench drinking water he was like damn horse got prep time and it killed me the first time i saw it damn the horse got prep time damn you fine shorty what's your pronouns she her how about you turn those into my girl oh my god that's so smooth it's buttery smooth but did it work puberty me wanting a deeper voice and to be taller instead i got ass hair thanks bear buddy heard my husband scream no from across the house and ran to see if he was okay then discovered him watching that video of the raccoon who tries to wash his cotton candy and then appear visibly upset when it dissolves in the water i want to see that that sounds like a this looks like a very funny video generation z will be afraid to ask a waiter for ranch but will body slam a cop and that's the duality that we're stuck with it's reckless abandonment with social anxiety please rate each other's work yourself me and the boys oh we all did perfect perfect oh boy oh boy oh you [ __ ] sly you're the reason i'd put one two three in my name elizabeth or bernie be informed compare them on the issues that matter the issue is concat kid cats have salami elizabeth thinks cats should only eat cat food but bernie says cats can have a little salami and now you know and that concludes the election and our president is what's this it's bernie sanders with a steel chair it's bernie dear god he's gonna snap him in half with the steel chair song that goes like google search engine huh she what i want to find eight hours of playing video games relaxing and relaxing and chillaxing but a one-hour online class and my back's starting to hurt when you find a lit series that already has five to seven seasons 25 episodes per season and 45 minutes per episode now you get a binge so the speed strength and agility of this cart is pretty stellar pretty balanced of the classic shopping cart strength is all the way up but agility and speed needs some work the handheld card is fantastic for agility great on speed and just piss porridge strength choose your fighter my mom this animal just eats sleeps and never takes a shower me and my dog trying to figure out who she's talking about oh we don't know when you start your first online class after your school shuts down and we're all staring at the screen like this don't tell us to stop we want to learn when you switch sides to face the wall and maybe there's some demons but they cuddle me at night and that's okay silica gel do not eat oh yeah those silica gel industry big shots can't tell me what to do oh congratulations you've escaped the simulation welcome to the real world what this photograph i took of this bird in the sunset looks so peaceful yo am i high is that bird look like a rabbit on skis in the middle of a long jump it's weird i need to zoom in here so you want hair extensions yeah i want to surprise my husband all right super what do you think oh fantastic honey i'm back time perfect babe babe babe wake up uh huh oh god you're finally awake you've been asleep two years oh now you've just scared him health experts please wear protective suits in space americans not gonna believe no propaganda i'm gonna walk with my trousers on space no sure my husband is making pancakes and eggs for breakfast every morning and my kids are becoming accustomed to a standard i am not prepared to maintain after he returns to work what do i do it's not a sunday unless you completely waste it then feel really sad around 8 pm that's the lord's way i train this chicken to talk well let's see what's a male deer [ __ ] how much is 200 pennies buck buck this is stupid no no it gets better it gets way better susan after all why not why shouldn't i tear up this leaf hey stake your claim over nature buddy man i wish i had this right now dude that's the worst tent i've ever seen don't worry about it it's not don't worry about it you don't gotta sleep in that tent i'm gonna replace this chair when i get paid listen to that you hear that it's awful i just saw a guy in the library cry for five or six minutes then his phone alarm went off and he just stopped crying and went right back down to work it's called time management jessica clearly you know nothing about that i wanted to dress up my nephew as a zombie but he ended up looking like a tired accountant and that's just as scary why are trains so expensive you're going that way anyways just drop me off jesus yo my trust issues so bad i don't even trust these and you can't because sometimes technology's deceiving dude you can't just post a picture of batteries and expect people to understand it me oh see it's the meme i get it my terrible health habits a monthly vegetable starting a fight petting a dog consoling a child hey buddy but what are the orange green and purple ones oh easy you wanna go outside shh and do you want to call your mommy i like that last one dude i'm terrified of the vertical axis why oh no there it is a horse all right all right guys get this best joke a horse walks into a barn the bartender asks one long face and okay get this the horse not being able to comprehend human language prop rocky slides on the floor and leaves students at youth finlay college of pharmacy have developed a chemical compound that kills gliobastoma brain cancer cells they've also refined it to ignore healthy brain tissue and focus on the cancer cells let's make it go viral before it suddenly doesn't exist smashing people's androids and giving them iphones oh yeah let's break people's legs then give them wheelchairs netflix watch the show me no please fine later wow i love that please make more nah it sucks anyway here's another episode of cooking moms a new new netflix show of moms dealing with the plights of parenthood while also in a cooking competition yeah no i agree i agree i think i think if anything that that resonated with me on a deep level i appreciated that oh no it's not even the front-facing camera but you still did it to the cat he's just like one of us he wasn't ready for that me when she turns up the thermostat because it's a little chilly in here not mean baby my house stays at cool 66 degrees at all times feels bad for you though loser man you must be baking over there but you look like you're doing all good you got a thumbs up when i hold the door for someone and they hold the door for me well who's going to go first huh is it going to be you or me pal listen listen social contract means i got off all this good job but so i'm not moving i did it first so how about you go through when you drive past an mpc in gta and hear him say well learn to drive [ __ ] huh what was that i can get out of the car i got a whole inventory wheel pal i'll get three stars no problem petting a duck for one minute all right well thank you finally some straightforward content pov you're playing ranked that one friend who's eating snap crackle pop i could also be the friend who has the really horrible headset mike but you know i digress my friend in the turtle beach for 2069s you know me every night before waking up oh so true besties so true [Laughter] i failed all my exams but the pigeons accepted me as their leader so i have that going for me and now i can fly to wherever i want they carry me out by their wings so hey you know i can't complain it's fun it's a good life i give them bread they protect me so when you start socializing a little too much you get invited out time to open up the drawer of excuses all right what do we got here i can't my dog got a my dog ate my dry cleaning i gotta go do my dry my my dog dry cleaning i don't want to hang out does this outfit make me look fat oh of course not your fat makes you look fat you know what as you deserve pal that's not what you're supposed to do how dare you man but as you deserve to get kicked out of the house for the night you shouldn't have said that dude she was looking to be consoled and you just twisted a knife oh you know i the couch was not sufficient enough out of the house it is well i'm exhausted and in big trouble financially oh tell me about it you're a cartoon character you ain't got to worry about it i'm real life i'm flesh and blood baby i got a lot to worry about especially financially problem is i'm too freaking rich [Laughter] that was stupid that was a dumb joke problem is i'm filthy stinking rich it's moving it's alive it's alive five more minutes what huh no you don't understand i created you you're gonna get up when i want you to get up frank okay so how about you rise and stick your arms out and go okay universal has a movie deal to make buddy free trial credit card information nah it's not a free trial that's a commitment what if you wanted to go to heaven but god said why did you waste 90 of your gaming time on an online game that only makes you rage instead of playing actually good story games because i'm not playing it for the story i want to be the best i defy you god meet me in fortnight i'll crank 90s on you make you wish you wrote an 11th commandment thou shall not crank me stomping to bed after watching a scary movie so they go snow i'm not scared of them and that's right i'll stomp i'll i'll i'll i'll stamp and i'll walk super angrily upstairs no lights getting shut off i don't want to know what's behind me they could stay on i'm not scared though just saying if earth was 10 feet closer to the sun we'd all burn up well i'll ask giraffes you know that first hand they're melting buddy people having depression and anxiety just be happy wish i could man wish i could but it ain't that easy pal 9am we're all just chilling couple of friends having fun by 9 00 pm all bets are off baby we're grungy we're grimy and we're [ __ ] losing it stop sending me this sorry steve but as long as god is pumping memes into the internet you're gonna be set weird things like this on a daily basis friend what animal describes you best me hey dog what animal describes you best let me know in the comments i'm that really annoying combination between very impulsive and then really hesitant afterwards it's oh dude it's you can't get enough of it dude my caution it's delayed it's got lag it's awesome people who say go big or go home seriously underestimate my willingness to go home like it's literally my only goal so i don't know why you're you're you're telling me this like it's going to be something i don't want to do it's all i'm looking forward to honestly me looking at that i got honked at my mom what you want something come up here i'll get out of the car child lock ain't on it appears hulk hogan is terrified in resident evil 8. help me brother you gotta help me mean gene these aren't hulkamaniacs they're just maniacs why did you raise the temperature so much well viruses can't survive high temperatures well neither can i hey how about you shut up i'm doing you a favor new redditor being impressed that i'm on reddit for six years now me who made an account at the age of 13 to impress a boy from the internet and randomly forgot it for five years don't look at my karma don't look at my karma nothing's showing then that's mysterious i don't have to i don't have five karma for six years uh no no not at all when the barber's about to scratch the itch on your head but he moves the race god damn smoother come on [Laughter] just move it move it back i have discovered that you can't say when they ask you how you handle work pressure in a job interview they don't seem to like that too much so i'm going to start saying the big c and maybe they'll just accept that as an answer people who call instead of text me sometimes i want to hear a voice okay jesus oh no i'm late for class wait i graduated three years ago oh no a texture in the boss saying where the [ __ ] are you oh no oh no it's all going downhill i forgot i had responsibilities that was me with all my with what i do on youtube honestly i was gone for like two weeks i'm sorry real real talk i'm sorry i don't want to i don't want to do that to you look at you sitting there watching this video what are you eating dinner eating a potato baked potato i see you better have butter on that potato otherwise it's gonna be dry jesse play flying monkey ost even if we scare the hoes you're a crazy man mr white how beautiful it is to find someone who asks for nothing but your company give me your company i just [ __ ] off i worked long and hard for this company you're not going to get this walter hand demanded who do you think you are i think i'm someone who wants nothing but your company to be fair they didn't ask for their company they demanded they said give me your company so i can see why these they said to f off that's pretty rude i'm not gonna i'm not gonna cut any cutting corners here that's a rude way to approach the question adjust your body in the outline uh that's not gonna happen buddy i'm beautiful the way i am i ain't gonna adjust it to no outline you're not some daddy's boy who tries to dolphin me than blimps well i understand all those words separately when you talk to a native speaker who uses slang but you've only ever learned a formal language in class am i right yeah yeah i get it i'm gonna what i see what my mom sees and that's why i can't look over balconies me after i lurk and get my feelings hurt but i play it off because i knew that would happen why would you do it then i'll get it when someone you just met starts telling you mad personal i feel like we all do that to strangers because we know we're never gonna see the stranger again so we just drop some like personal bomb and then leave we all do that to people if someone you know is getting deeply into making bread from scratch they are deeply depressed i promise you nah nah they just want to have their own bread they want to they want to determine the thickness of that crust you know what i mean since in that crust i trust if seven plus seven equals fourteen and six is one less than seven then seven plus six must be thirteen oh no let's run the numbers on that by god he's right he's right he's done it he's donnie how does he do it hey tomorrow's meme day at school so i'm posting myself on me irl so i don't have to dress up ha that's smart that's clever i like that looks in mirror my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined you're a handsome guy report of the week don't say no don't think like that come on come on perk up the rarest great ape on earth could soon go extinct wake the [ __ ] up reddit we got a monkey to save what kind of real kind of great ape is it i'm all down for save now how smart is it can he do tricks can he shake my hand can he sing that song for the jungle book at this point life feels like a game of musical chairs but there's no music and there's no chairs and we're all just running around and no one's having fun let me move this mic a little bit hey sorry if the audio was weird it should be fixed now [Laughter] oopsie i'm not restarting don't depend on others do it yourself all right i'll go up myself then and you'll have a better time because of it seeing ants outside and you're unbothered because that's their natural habitat you see ants in your house that's your habit sad get them out of there get him out what the [ __ ] is my sister starting at school the backyard against role play club mondays and fridays 9 p.m to 12 a.m in the woods by the way i'm being pablo so no one be pablo please don't remove the poster what's going on here my overthinking my social anxiety having a panic attack from talking once let's go hey my username is admin my passwords12345 i'm about as protected as a thin film mask it's all about that safety baby unscramble the words to make a sentence is pen and goat maya my penis and a goat what what do you mean hey free belly rose with exam sorry for pets only and also jason mamoa so whichever one you know it's all up to you jason if you want to come down and just get a quick little rub on the tongue when you don't have a coin but you're a guitar player do you put a pick in there wait why is there coins in the oh i'm so confused can someone explain this to me i've never seen this before if your ad disrupts my music playlist i will hate your company and never buy your product well i just get spotted by premium stupid idiot just take part in the capitalist machine come on go come on come on how it feels to listen to podcasts it's like taking part of a conversation that already happened yeah i know i know will i ever find love no [ __ ] yeah no you'll never do that either i'll show you i'll show you all and i'll do it myself sorry i had to crack my neck up me re-reading my own post every time someone likes it ah yes quality content finally someone who knows how to entertain hey why are you so quiet what's on your mind people can see me not how i can see myself in the mirror they can see me see me like 360 view my body from their perspective at different distances and angles and times everybody can see my physical form and make judgments and form opinions about it freely in their own minds every day multiple times a day oh well you know i'm just thinking about life you know what i mean you know how life does that thing you know the thing yeah me going back for more free samples i just wanted some free samples what's wrong with it just give me another i want more dost thou even shred ye filthy casual snapchat are you sure you want to abandon this masterpiece the picture oh no maybe maybe i'll keep her it's not up to me baby florida man plants marijuana seeds in his neighbor's garden calls the police three months later well how'd they catch them how'd they catch them if the seeds sprouted why is this guy the big meme i don't get it the disney movie was he had to kiss snow white but that's in the disney version we're not even gonna talk about the other versions of the story my dad just told me a story where this guy went out to start his tractor one morning and the battery was gone and someone left a note that said i feel so bad for taking this but my car broke down i'll repay you in the future and a couple weeks later in the mail he got a handwritten letter a money order and two tickets to the super bowl so the man took his wife out to the super bowl and when he got home they had stolen everything in his house even the ceiling fans in the stove he was scouting out the place my wife coming home from work stressed af me trying to give her love and affection i just want to love you stop please just give her a couple minutes bro to let her decompress it's fine personally internet number one person on the internet number two me and yet it feels like i'm the supporting character of my own life you are why do women only like stupid jerks who treat them like why do guys only want bimbos who walk all over them why does the shape of a french fry affect its taste and he's asking the real questions that's what i want to know tesla drivers when they drive by gas stations oh i don't need to do any of that does anyone have a charger my car's on low battery my car's on ten percent oh dude that's still too bright now i'm a full brightness kind of guy i use everything on light mode because i got weak little baby eyes and i need to see so i heard the ladies like bad boys lucky for them i'm bad at everything even with the ladies that's why you get none i should start watching a tv series to get some interest in my life also me after watching one episode i've seen enough i'm satisfied i feel that i can i get in the movies now i used to watch a lot of tv like in terms of like i would catch up on shows i'd watch like the boys and then some old we just don't want to watch those but man movies are where it's at it's like one long tv show i wonder if we're alone in the universe that's my sound of the alien spaceship coming down just in case i need to clarify not others only you are [Laughter] what a oh that's why aliens don't communicate they're mean hey i'm not ugly i'm just facially challenged now you're ugly king that's okay nobody wants to work anymore well do you pay a living wage hey buddy [ __ ] you how dare you ask me that no of course not hmm yes this bomb is made out of bomb damn dude that blows sorry my mom says no well that's okay i guess we can play a later time just listen for five seconds and you'll fall asleep immediately i'm at second four i'm so excited [Music] [Laughter] me looking for the right song so i can carry on cleaning that's why i listen to podcasts when i clean tiny game podcast on repeat all day every day and when i'm bored of them psych i'm not the amount of products that i've bought simply because cody cohen oil miller have told me to is astonishing after all why not why shouldn't i bend it i'll go i don't have a reason why not go ahead bend that paper clip make it into a block pick break it to a mailbox my wardrobe with a convenient pie chart for reference for the clothes i like which is a itty bitty tiny little sliver enclose my parents like may as well be the whole pie reading the cooking instructions off the bag i just threw out shut up shut your mouth i do that that's why it's me irl let's see what you did there real quick we appreciate how fly my man's outfit is the yellow plaid shorts the nice hat he's got the oh oh i love it me going on a stupid little daily vlog for my stupid physical and mental health you might be mad about it but listen that's good for you after i do my dealies i'm going to go take a stupid little daily walk listen to a podcast that's the second podcast reference i get one more then i can't say it again for the rest of this video damaged but adorable oh oh no there's a joke i could make here but i won't make it because that would be too easy and i don't believe in damaged things how i sleep knowing food is very delicious and i get to eat more of it tomorrow very good yes you get more tomorrow it's easy no no worries about it i open the door for three seconds all bugs within a 10 mile radius it's free real estate they want to cool off let them in for a second they'll leave maybe me hits my elbow on dusk my entire nervous system [Music] [Laughter] yeah i feel that i saw a girl carrying a hamster so i asked if i could pet it but it was actually a muffin so wait what you saw a hamster but it was a muffin are you telling me that there was a muffin that looked like a hamster boom i did it [Laughter] ah anyway subscribe to dele for clear skin me remembering an event from 10 years ago detail by detail trying to remember what i ate five days ago trying to remember what i ate for lunch two hours ago no see because i can't remember anything i'm like dory i don't my long-term memory is awful it's shot i can't remember most things unless it was like super impactful and left a lasting impact on me from childhood i don't remember anything like from ages like 13 to like 19. i don't really even 21 i'm 22 now but like there's like a 13 or 14 year gap in my memory and i don't know why it's not everything it does most things maybe i just spent too much dang time on the computer maybe maybe dad was right [Laughter] regular back will hurt eventually boring stupid bones backstreet's back all right my mom types p into my computer my fbi agent who changed my history a real one i'ma kiss you through the screen like soulja boy kissed you through the phone man i feel so bad when i overtake an old person on the sidewalk like man i really didn't mean to flex on you in my youthful stride but move over gramps tapia or dennis the aeroplane will never fly from lord halda in 1907. he said that after the wright brothers succeeded in getting the first plane in the air he thought they were lying about it well that looks like the face of a man who's wrong lord haldane you feel the lord hal payne by being so stupid the amphibian exhibit frog you blow up your cheeks i'll do the same we're not so different after all you and i me every morning while i'm half asleep cancer alarm snooze alarm big red button press good night i'm not afraid to go to hell i've eaten at orbeez and they have the meats they're not good meats but they have them so you think i'm afraid of some demon i see one every day in the reuben and arby's putting the item you no longer want to buy back in its original place but ain't much but it's honest work yeah work that you don't gotta do you don't work there i'm a menace to the grocery store i move things around just for fun but not frozen food because that ruins product i don't actually do that who goes to supermarkets i use instacart how i feel wearing a hood dark mysterious little sexy what i actually look like little stupid chihuahua when you're getting in a car on a hot sunny day and you accidentally touch the silver part of the seat belt and you're just like ah hot hot seat belt now i'm branded by my hyundai man whoever named frogs got it 100 right those things are frogs dude same goes for snakes or sharks well the thing doesn't match is human it should be piece of crap well you know it's funny you say that that's exactly what my english teacher would call me so maybe she was on to something i'm just kidding i didn't go to school [Laughter] oh i love subverting things at the very end but no i i think human is the right word a piece of crap goes to wasp dude instant breakfast lunch and dinner oh i love being a college student me working out in my room mom barges in wow you're working out introvert me well no i'm not doing it since you want to be so nosy mother brought my nephew and kate to class for his birthday before i took the picture he said why i don't like these kids the smolder on that boy i don't like any of these kids but thank you for the minion cake if anyone touches it i'm stabbing them with paper scissors me i love learning new things me when it's time to learn anything new that i'm instantly not good at and this close to stopping the learning i don't like learning new things anymore detmer chuck was very affable go to dinner with him it was an hour full of entertainment but he wanted out after an hour chuck would tell jokes we'd laugh and after about 80 minutes chuck would say look i don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable i don't want anyone to leave but i'll be in the car chuck's a man about time man about chuck's a man who knows his time is valuable i wouldn't say that as a bad thing me after a meaningful conversation with a stranger considering what was said what i should have said what i will say next time in the likely outcomes of those situations ah yes planning ahead hmm can't mistake you if not awakey and that's why you have nightmares before you slide into my dms just know this is how i give myself pep talks if you can handle that feel free to slide partner you're nauseous because you haven't eaten i can't eat this i'm nauseous well look look at you in a little vicious cycle buddy seen on a walk around the neighborhood every dead body on mount everest was once a highly motivated person so baby calm down you know i find this so inspiring to take life a little easier thanks sign wow this app is fantastic app take a moment to rate us me no and now i'll leave goodbye i nostril that's the sound it makes it makes the all sound unsee no i like it this way schools your paper must be a minimum of five pages the real world uh explain to me in seven seconds or i'm out you write the long word so you can then condense it into short form that's the point baby why is this parking space look like it's about to destroy my argument with pure logic and then posted on youtube saying that i got destroyed with facts and logic i have no idea what i'm doing or where i'm going and that's okay partner it's about the journey not the destination i like someone i declare my love they accept and we become partners they introduced me to their parents and let me in their house i steal all of their remote batteries and the cycle begins anew the magic school bus could be inside your ass right now and you'd have no idea oh hope it goes back to full size then miss frizzle take me out pulling ant-man thanos special pulling ant-man thanos deluxe on me miss frizzle when a random smell makes you time travel back 20 years you're a russian sleeper agent you were just activated me when do i find stability in my life life that's the neat part you don't what why how to avoid stress at school number one don't go to school solved it you're welcome reddit i eat short people asks how tall are you how tall are you answer me that just just wondering no think only stink that is the motto of the modern house cat united states oh sports three gold medals and shooting okay all right me describing how i handle my feelings squish cat squashes the garbage down with a squasher downer compresses it all nice and tight until it eventually explodes tuesday wednesday my dudes that's the cycle me in a deep depression unable to do anything anxiety telling me if i don't do anything i'm a piece of i can't win it's a tug of war but they're pulling on different ropes i don't know how funny i checked myself guy who wrecked himself and it's true it's a sad tale unfortunate but willfully true if only he had checked himself he wouldn't have totally freaking wrecked himself can we get one like it's so sad massive [ __ ] uh whoever drives that car has a big one i saw this at work yesterday are you running low on anything yeah will to live oh but go buy some more stupid and that's going to do it for r slash me irl and i hope you guys enjoyed it thank you guys for watching if you like this video and want to see more like it be sure to subscribe and until next time my name is damian you've been watching daily and i'll see you next time [Music] [Music] you [Music]

Channel: DeeLee

Views: 925,823

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% true stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, ez pz, reddit funny

Id: QlhINYUrqco

Length: 64min 45sec (3885 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 11 2021