ALL OF r/MURDEREDBYWORDS

[Music] hey what's something that's not actually christian but americans think it is oh that's easy america anything else sucks to be an electric car owner in texas right now you know what i'm just gonna wait for people to learn that gas pumps require electricity to pump gas but now they don't uses suction and centrifugal force i i operate at gas pumps i know what i'm talking about i just don't i just don't want to let your cars to win the minute electric cars win i start losing so any victory i could take is a good day you know you don't think universal healthcare qualifies as a charity handout it's people financing other people's problems hey trent if your house catches on fire i don't want my taxes to go towards financing your problems with my charitable handouts be a man and call around to get some quotes on quality firefighting services you lazy boy you're a lazy boy wanting to spend my tax dollars on your burned down house you know when i was your age i was sleeping in a tent trent get a trent tent for crying out loud who will be the next star of hashtag the bachelor our ranking i have a sneaking suspicion that the next bachelor will be a dark-haired square-headed white man with stubble and a more on top haircut that inexplicably costs 85 dollars meet graydon braden traded and okay then all four of these guys look like they do some sort of community service just to look good i put on a mask and literally within seconds i'm struggling to breathe uh the surgeon who wore a mask for six hours to reconstruct my knee thinks maybe you're lying and also a drama queen bill mitchell more like bill bittle keep bitching all the time i wonder if i'll ever meet anyone whose experience of covid was worse than the flu my oxygen saturation level was 58. if my wife hadn't taken me to any i would have died within hours i had blood clots in my lungs and bleeds or clots in my brain lost sight and eye hearing ear feeling in toes blue i haven't met you oh yeah you know i was do some good luck at some point this year i think that was it imagine that being your only defenses well i haven't met you symptoms oh i heard about this this is actually kind of a neat story jonah hill slips into his black wetsuit for surf day in malibu before showing off his tattoos while going shirtless to tell himself off then jonah hill responds i don't think i ever took my shirt off in a pool until i was in my mid-30s even in front of family and friends probably would have happened sooner if my childhood insecurities weren't exacerbated by years of public mockery about my body by present interviewers so the idea that the media tries to play me by stalking me while surfing and printing photos like this and it can't faze me anymore is dope i'm 37 and finally love and accept myself this isn't a good for me post and it's definitely not a feel bad for me post it's for the kids who don't take their shirt off at the pool have fun you're wonderful and awesome and perfect let's go jonah hill i i i do i i am very happy for him he's he's finally appreciate like accepting of himself which is great that being said his form on the surfboard looks terrible islam is a lie i'm an ex-muslim jesus is the only way damn what seg were you part of nahari or pulau i i think my family is pulau i don't even know if i said that right bro those are food dishes well i guess i'm a whole three course meal bud i like that we don't get context for this above message just it is true yes hey walmart what is your reasoning in areas of low covert rates and what if medically someone cannot wear one you do understand the invasion of constitutional rights that you're doing sabrina the majority of our stores are in areas struggling with covid if you cannot wear a mask you can still shop on our website we have other rules that may invade your constitutional rights like the rule against licking fruit and putting it back walmart was the rude comment needed well stacy similar to a mask when you shop at our stores the rude comment is needed yes like the one angry emoji at walmart just how dare this brand talk back to me just a large group over to lunch and we hugged and ate and talked and put the world to rights it was lovely you'll never take that away from people stay out protect your rights if the nhs can't cope then the nhs isn't fit for purpose compliance is violence what huh just hold a person's hand as they died alone without their family or loved ones by their side glad you enjoyed your meal you insensitive oh no i don't like it i i i see some people getting pissed about the mask stuff here's the thing uh shut up i don't even think this is a political topic this is just like basic empathy for others give six hundred dollars to a poor person and it's gone in a week give six hundred dollars to a rich person and it's multiplied by ten times in a few years or less here actually let me fix that for you uh it gives six hundred dollars to someone with no money and they have no choice but to use it to survive or give six hundred dollars to someone whose needs are already fully met and you can sit on it all they want oh goodness sake are we really this dense our brains full of lead you got a lead head you got a lead brain stick to lifting and making movies snowflake is a title you do not want oh arnie clocks in i never mind picking up new titles mr universe mr olympia terminator governor if you want to call me a snowflake that's fine it would have been a fantastic mr freeze line but let me give you some advice if you're going to call someone a snowflake because they believe in a different policy than you you might want to look in the mirror when you see an idea you disagree with you can get angry or you can learn i'd recommend you research and learn and grow you can still disagree that's the best part about being american but at least you can disagree with evidence and analysis we can all be better if we don't simply react pause reflect learn and then decide if you still want to call someone a snowflake good luck with everything he said yeah what about it i was in batman who are you it's go time you want the roast then let's go hashtag national roast day alright what you got oh hooters we have uniforms that our employees can wear in the winter well i mean hooters can wear theirs too it's just going to be you know cold parents have read it why don't you close the door when you're leaving our rooms well that's because saying son your room stinks of the month old [ __ ] socks that are clearly stuffed down the side of the bed you need to let some fresh air in here because i'm genuinely worried at this point that breathing the air that is currently in here technically counts as me swallowing your money shot and that's just going to embarrass us both [Music] [Laughter] when your steep mandates wearing a mask in public dress up like william wallace defy tyrants meanwhile an actual scotland where wearing masks on public transporting in the shops you know what else we're doing cotton deaths in single digits most days that digit zero as a born and bred scotsman i'm looking forward to your life expectancy being similar to that at 13th century scotland as a white christian conservative male i support the school's gender-based dress code females should be chaste and not show off their bodies leading up standing in the temptation you know what ban straight guys from driving if they can't focus in school if girls show shoulders how can they focus when driving by billboards with women on them or passing women on the sidewalk jogging tank tops and shorts giving them control of automobiles is a public safety hazard for crying out loud you know what he's got a point that's the that's the hill you want to die on white christian conservative male i think that's a fantastic counterpoint you need to address i've just lost someone i cared about to covet 19. i don't want your sorrow from my loss i want you to wear a mask so sorry for your loss though the actual figure is about one in three thousand die if that one happens to be a loved one statistics don't mean much people here have had enough would rather die than live like this oh you mean you'd rather tell than live like this okay so let me get this straight wearing a piece of cloth over the front of your face is more bothersome to you than killing all right blm is now canceling families i found out some of my fam had to get together last night i wasn't invited i haven't seen them in months apparently some of my cousins have been very offended with me saying all lives matter and dropping facts about blm so they didn't want me there sad oh that's a strange way of saying my family won't hang out with me because i'm racist glad i could identify that do millennials even eat food contradictory studies claim they're shopping for fewer groceries but also dining out west hey uh how much you pay us maybe maybe that'll help with our with our food intake oh no just uh just a thought cspd is hoping for a peaceful night but we are now being told that protesters are now donning gas masks ah damn that's a real pickle what a mystery why would civilians wear gas masks i mean it's not like the police would use weaponry that's illegal in every active war zone on civilians that would be ridiculous hope you guys figure it out vacationers rescued after spelling help with leaves oh my god this is a final boss post they must be from a generation that learned how to spell the old fashioned way without the assistance autocorrect instead of those who only know how to tap for 10. oh i'm so sorry your generation finds it so difficult to spell help do you want an award for knowing how to spell help without autocorrect or that you can write it in cursive kids these days can hack into secure networks and build websites by the time you knew how to spell help correctly it's not like our generation doesn't learn how to spell you might not know but we still have to hand write our tests what do you think millennial children do at school learn the basics of autocorrect we're still taught all the subjects just as you were we still had to learn cursive and would continue writing it if nearly every teacher didn't accept work written in cursive i don't understand how people slam on this generation for using too much technology when a 52 year old man was behind the iphone and then every parent around the nation bonded for their 10 year old kids the most hilarious thing about this comment is that it's actually proven that every generation gets significantly more intelligent than the last as it should be if you're bitter that your kids have it better than you i honestly feel sorry for them because that's feeling it the most basic definition of good parenting hey barbara some kids were shredded on an island they were resourceful enough to signal for help but i bet they're entitled little pricks watch this i'm gonna be a huge [ __ ] on the internet by the way you spelled fashion wrong i got a fan offer for that one my man dude it's called murdered by words not massacre my man put down a lecture population of britain 65 million population of america 330 million that's five times as much video game revenue is five million in the uk video game in america 25 billion another five times as much now let's get to the real stats gun homicides in the uk is 31 as of 2017. in america it is 469 times as much with 14 542 so stop blaming the video games you absolute morons let me play my doom and peace i got a puppy and it's clingy it follows me to the kitchen and everywhere i'm starting to lose interest in the dog so why is my puppy so clingy well dogs are social animals and if he or she was raised by a mother dog and had siblings he or she would be used to a social environment enjoy that if you don't have interest in having a companion i would suggest you find the puppy at home with someone who actually wants that kind of relationship and maybe get something that doesn't need attention back from you like a tablet or gaming console doofus my neighborhood in manhattan is eviscerated and looks like a war zone the blasio and cuomo are an utter disgrace this is not america our leaders have abandoned us and continue to let great american cities burn to the ground and be destroyed i never could have fathomed this before i read the response you live in new york city you live in manhattan every place looks like a war zone that's not that's not the fault of any politician that is just manhattan all right but megan we live in the same building and i just walked outside it's fine when i asked quentin how he wants us to play two aging movie guys who are on their way out he said just be yourselves so thanks q with his handmade keychains that go for five bucks each this eight-year-old boy raised four thousand fifteen dollars to erase the lunch dead of his students from his school and six others damn so if he's selling he sold like 800 keychains that's crazy oh here i fixed your title um eight-year-old does months of manual labors to us friends who our children can afford to eat without going into debt fix it for you you're welcome oh no i've seen this tweet before this is a monstrous tweet i can't believe taylor swift is about to turn 30. she still looks so young it's strange to think that 90 of her eggs are already gone 97 by the time she turns 40 so i hope she thinks about having kids before it's too late she'd be a fun mom jesus man i hope she buys a house near an elementary school so you can't get within five blocks of her good lord stefan worked my ass off at amazon with a hot and sweaty mask risking my life while unemployment got 600 sitting on their ass make it make sense oh easy you're being underpaid by the richest man on the planet and being told the problem is someone had to work getting a couple hundred bucks so they don't literally die uh that's that's what's happening neither of you are at fault it's you know it's what it is people who leave their phones at the military time are freaking war criminals how do you look at 1605 and go well i can understand that bootleggers what's next you gonna go join the army recruit me americans be like okay i can't count past 12 actually who are these guys wrong answers only oh that's easy comedians took blank in for his five year check of the day and when the nurse came in to give him a vaccine booster i told her why i decided to decline it and explain that it was my right to do so she actually thanked me for taking a stand and told me how much it pains her to have to give vaccines to uninformed families who don't know they have a right to decline felt so good and when i explained it to blank on the way home he thanked me for watching out for him and keeping him safe and healthy ah do you forget we're friends on here believe it or not it's completely legal for me to publicly state that i absolutely did not say oh wait yo wait what the nurse replied oh sh um did you forget we're friends on here hello well believe it or not it's completely legal for me to publicly state that i absolutely did not say that and for the record neither did you it's also not a hipaa a violation for me to say that i gave your son a shiny sticker at the end of the appointment for being brave so people who read this post can take with the wolf from that the boy got the vaccine the nurse was friends with her on facebook oh no bernie sanders should be forced to give away 90 of his birthday cake hashtag happy birthday bernie uh yo actually this is how birthday cakes work when you have friends you share it and then you all get a piece let's call it all right i just got to know how birthday cakes work marry a guy who email you when you block them what fellas marry a woman that doesn't play these kinds of games why would you want me to email you if you blocked me doesn't that mean there's no my brain's small you can't i'm not i'm not playing a game of cat and mouse my wife is a nurse and we live in a red state she feels that wearing a mask significantly reduces the spread of the virus i went to sam's club tonight with a face covering was able to buy everything on my list weird how little it impacted my ability to shop uh i am a nurse and i disagree so not all nurses and doctors share that opinion and i'm sure you have a medical license divine intervention dna healing crystal healing life coaching light language sacred geometry energy yeah oh man starts cracking my knuckles and my neck and my back but not my as the woman who's giving birth to children yeah i think it's pretty simple sex has consequences people these days bend over backwards refusing to accept they've traded instant gratification for things of real meaning and they want to be sacrimonious about it if you're against abortions because sex has consequences how come he didn't refuse treatment for the lung cancer you got from smoking two packs a day smoking has consequences damn being stupid on twitter has consequences to it looks like cause that lady got roasted toasted and something else too but it's not coming to my brain this is your annual reminder not everyone celebrates christmas the default to merry christmas as a normal greeting is also white supremacy culture huh if someone celebrates by all means but so many people don't not sure if merry christmas is a white supremacy i think it's more of a capitalism thing now isn't it after every after you know big coca-cola took over merry christmas from indonesia well there's no white person in radius three kilometers from my house and christian is a minority but hey white supremacy right rory literally ran out of this guy and asked for a photo because of his t-shirt the kid didn't know we were crying with laughter at him did it ever occur to you that a dude in his 20s at an anime convention chasing after a 13 year old wearing a meme shirt to take a picture with him and make fun of him is it exponentially more pathetic than a 13 year old wearing a meme shirt the funniest thing is now it like this is taken from tumblr obviously and i'm assuming it's probably i don't know four or five years old it looks like um people would unironically wear this now in their 20s it's gone full circle kendall jenner ate grilled cheese fries crepes and more for hitting the met gala red carpet now that is that's not brave oh thanks us online about access these hands i hate that headline so much i live in syria and this story gave me strength to carry on thank you for sharing her brave story for eating carbs for going to a fashion show i challenge any game maker to come up with a game that rewards kids to be empathetic to situations involving other players and game characters and rewards them for kind gestures and behaviors and also positively reinforces kindness politeness and constructively can problem-solve what game does that say it with me three two one undertale undertale does that also journey stardew valley the entire fallout series minecraft animal crossing harvest moon the vast sort of role-playing games made by bioware would you like recommendations i can keep going penny we can find one to suit your taste i'm sure but they all cause violence right i'm all about vap violence against pennies you want socialized medicine tell me again about how good canadian health care is tell me about the wait times for serious medical procedures did you guys learn anything from the complete failure of obamacare well my husband needed brain surgery world-class neurosurgeons removed a wedge of his skull used lasers to remove scar tissue on his temporal lobe and then put his skull back together my biggest expenses were parking and snacks for stress eating so yeah i think it works you can get socialized with these hands hashtag millennials are causing a baby bust they aren't having enough kids to keep the u.s population at the replacement level and that's because rent is 1500 a month and jobs are paying 12 bucks an hour and you know what good let's let's just start decreasing forget the replacement level replace these nuts so that was that was uncalled for to say replace these nuts i did mean it but i didn't i shouldn't have masks literally block your mouth and nose from oxygen to claim otherwise is to continue cognitive dissonance and refrain from common sense ah a dummy an idiot a [ __ ] kovan-19 particles are 0.125 microns o2 is .0005 microns if you're mathematically challenged coven 19 is 250 times larger than oxygen using big words like cognitive dissonance doesn't actually make you smarter get goofed on you dumb [ __ ] wear a mask but the right way not under your chin like it's a chin guard i'm gonna start carrying nasal sprays you see some like dude with a mask just pulled so his nose is out from under it he walks down an aisle past you but you still hear him you just hear me walk up just oh and runs away that's my form of terrorism i bet you'll wear your mask right now that the nasal spray bandits here what if instead of a vaccine we were just able to get exposed to a weak version of the virus that enabled us to build the antibodies we need to fight the real thing you all ever get high blood pressure from a twitter post what if and hear me out here instead of alphabets we used lines to create characters that when assembled could be formed into words you dumb dumb idiot stupid dumb that's the words i for my lines that i created characters with god masks don't work to prevent the spread of viruses they increase the chances of illness they lower oxygen intake and increase carbon dioxide levels this is about control not your health and well-being there is no pandemic hashtag burn the masks uh you're literally assigned a number by the government you pay taxes register your property and address the government knows just about everything there is to know about you you honestly think they're controlling you by telling you not to spit on other people unless you're you know just take your pants off when you go to walmart if you don't want to wear cloth how about that they're going pantsless or is that too indecent for you is that where you draw the line should i tell my 17 year old daughter i don't want to see her anymore once she turns 18 i have no legal responsibility for her once she turned 18 or 21 19 and 20 there's still a gray area there yeah i actually tell her absolutely as soon as possible that way she can quickly see how absolutely toxic you are and what a blessing it will turn to be for her as you'll grow old sick and lonely she'll thrive she'll grow she'll heal she'll succeed and find peace and she'll live a life of love and joy as you'll find darkness and despair and you'll know absolutely that you earned every bit of it 1.5 k up votes and i've earned every bit of them millennial dads have pathetic diy skills compared to baby boomers oh yeah baby boomers have pathetic blacksmithing skills compared to 9th century saxons how about that and you know i'll go further 9th century saxons have terrible saber-tooth tiger hunting skills compared to cavemen i figured i should let you guys know someone's going to be like actually damien saber 2 tigers weren't in the same uh time period as caveman so caveman also don't have that skill if god has a plan for everyone and a fetus is a person can't abortion just be their plan no because that would mean that god planned to murder he wouldn't do that no he wouldn't except that one time where he planned the murder of 42 children by summoning two bears to maul them to make fun of a bald man's head in the bible that's in two kings 2 24. do you read the bible or just pretend it says whatever you like i would love if that's how they live like going to a store the bible says i get a buy one get one discount that's walmart 215. i graduated from college eight years ago today i was 28. i refused to go into debt for college so i joined the military i kept my grades up and they took care of me hashtag cancel student debt is a slap in the face to many like me imagine thinking i had to enter into a situation where i potentially would have died or maybe would have had to kill others so that i wouldn't go into crippling debt just for an education is a good argument to maintain that system oh it's stefan again oh no it's a stefan molyneux tweet ladies you can't be drafted sit down wars just oh stefan that's a bad take a lot of me have told me to sit down and shut up none of those men call me colonel get your ass posted stefan stefan makes totally outrageous nuclear hot take tweets and then just gets smacked i think it's a i think he enjoys it no man can make so many bad takes and then not enjoy it just a little bit when it's smacked back in his face today in one of our med classes we talked about lgbt patients and the professor isn't taking anyone's sh what if we don't feel comfortable treating someone following that lifestyle oh easy find a different career as a good professor that's a five-star rating millennials want jobs and education not marriage and kids alternate headline y'all messed up the economy so badly that we can't focus on marriage and kids because we're struggling to afford to live put that in your time magazine i used a gender neutral bathroom today and two men came in while i was washing my hands man one didn't care and used the bathroom in front of me man two waited outside the bathroom till i left after seeing me inside i thanked mantu for respecting my privacy you felt so violated if you don't use a gender-neutral bathroom then dummy if i have to take a pee pee i'm not waiting for you to finish washing your hands because you're insecure about washing your hands in front of other people man one treated you as an equal and gender-neutral bathroom man too treated you like a woman i don't know which one you want is treatment but i know both treated you with respect and neither violated you florida abortion bill would require a judge to rule of teens mature enough to terminate pregnancy oh that woman's immature let's give her a kid natal that'll teach her if you want to find rules the world look at who you can't insult ah children's with down syndrome if you insult a kid with down syndrome everyone will hate you that confirms that they rule the world thank you for exposing this conspiracy if that psychopath had driven a truck into that crowd and killed 100 people would we be talking about truck control oh can you imagine that registering trucks requiring insurance for injuries he caused licensing and testing drivers oh it'd be mad oh wait we actually do that disabled parking should only be valid during business hours 9 to 5 monday to friday i cannot see any reason why people with genuine disabilities will be out beyond these times we're disabled daniel we're not werewolves that's a nice try censoring their name jennifer just name dropped them right after that when the daily wire called patent nozzle they supposed comedian oswalt responded with guys if you're going to write an article about me being a failed comedian maybe don't use a pick of me holding up the mei one for doing comedy yeah no i think that does but does contradict the article north texas family shaken after 18 relatives test positive for covet 19 following surprise birthday party three are now hospitalized ah a north texas family shaken after thing that everyone told it was going to happen did in fact happen but they didn't want to believe it because it's just propaganda masks don't protect nothing covers not real no way i can do this but someone should count the number of times obama uses the term i in his ridiculous 700 page book we might have here the greatest egoist of all time at least outside of lunatic asylums damn what kind of monster writes their memoir in the first person lock them up throw away the key heart disease and stroke killing nearly four times annually then coveting is more preventable cnn devoted zero percent of their airtime to holding obama accountable for the 5 million deaths on his watch the cdc says over half were preventable oh no see the thing is you can't asymptomatically give people strokes by breathing near them brad that's the the difference when your fake id works oh that's because you look 34 carding you would be an insult with how you look i'm late to the nypd press conference because i couldn't find a non-muslim cab or uber or lyft driver for over 30 minutes this is insanity imagine telling your boss sorry i'm 30 minutes late for work because of how racist i am couldn't be me can we all admit that the pandemic is over now like at least give us that as you peddle the rest of this nonsense okay well here's a couple of facts for you yesterday the us broke 100 000 daily cases for the first time ever one hundred seven thousand eight hundred seventy two that's up more than fifty percent from two weeks ago sixteen hundred people died in one day more americans died of covet this week than were killed on 9 11 which raises the question dave the hell is wrong with you you can answer in a quote tweet if you like if that gets you impressions but i just want to know the cities in the background are approximately 16 miles apart where's the curve please explain this well with a circumference of 24 901 miles you are looking at a curvature of around 0.2 degrees or a little more than 10 feet at 16 miles away may i say that curvature is still significantly higher than your iq blb should have stuck to you know shooting stars airplanes in the night sky or whatever else you were singing about if a dog is born in a barn it doesn't make it a horse just because you were born in britain doesn't mean you belong here what i can't even pronounce this guy's twitter name he doesn't get an opinion but hey you're right now what a brown horse born in a stable full of white horses is still a horse you racist you know you get a sense of my words there because i'm not even going to censor myself i agree with what tez is saying that's the hunters from dead by daylight it did the cosplayers here a couple months back that's a decent cosplay good job you dressed up cosplay isn't a real word you nerd i mean it is but whatever anything to be a dick right no it's all right he's in the navy it's like cosplaying someone in the real military in the navy we kiss on the mouth i'm gonna get people mad at me yeah people really pissed at me we don't do that we kiss on the cheek stop picking on british people a threat on reasons are you not the reason like 50 countries have an independence day or what ratings and reviews it's fun but not accurate you know it's fun it would have been great if they got it right but i already know my personality type and it came out completely wrong no matter how many times i retook the picture slash redid the test made for some good laughs and told me you're a glass half full type person even when there is no water in the glass when i'm literally the most pessimistic individual on the planet nice set but only for fun so you've installed the nap that got everything about you wrong but you approach it with a positive attitude had some laughs and use it as an excuse to brag about being the most pessimistic individual on the planet and you're telling us you're not a glass half full type of person seriously that's what you're trying to do can the 400 be reduced it's just a couple of hours sadly now i have 35 years of experience as a photographer a degree in visual communication and sixteen thousand dollars in equipment so the number of hours of shooting is not really the pertinent point as well as the shooting time i have to post process the images to finish them up and that usually takes at least the same number of hours as the shoot itself i could knock 50 bucks off but at this point i would have to move a booked client actually never mind i'm going to say no to the shoot i have another client and it seems like i'm perhaps out of your price range you might check a local college and see if you can find a student who would work for you for less but the quality of the work would reflect the experience of the hired person and sorry didn't work out and good luck finding someone phil that was a very respectful word murdering that was very nice if you're an adult whose rent is less than four thousand dollars a month you're still a child imagine being an adult and paying 4k rent not a mortgage why why why do that and that's not to mention bills groceries less than 4k get out of here as a butcher when i saw this i smiled mayo helps keep in moisture and makes things nice and juicy you know cutting your own chicken breasts doesn't make you a butcher as well as beating your own meat doesn't make you rocky come on man why why are there no photos of night time on the surface of mars captured by the rover well there's actually one here you go facebook is a perfect example of socialism you get it for free you have no say in how it works the guy who runs it's rich you have no privacy and if you say one thing they don't like they shut you up literally everything mentioned in this post is happening now and is overseen by capitalism all i'm saying is no system is perfect you know what i mean so make your facebook post we are not all equal i worked very hard my entire life to get what i have most of the people i know have too i deserve where i am in life i will not give up what i've earned so that someone who has not can feel equal nor will i assume their debt i have had to pay my debt i insist everyone else be held to the same standard yeah but hey dad aren't you in child support debt i i just i i would know i'm your child hey recommendations for good headphones uh i'm looking for good on-ear headphones within the price range of 2000 to 3000 uh preferably wireless there's no need to buy headphones you can listen to the sounds of birds in nature to feel the bliss of life without wearing any artificial devices on your ear created by man there's no need to be online you can go wacky slash yourself to the sounds of birds and nature to feel bliss of life without using any artificial devices dude imagine when tesla cars are integrated with hyperloop tech it's gonna be mind-blowing imagine driving out of your parking spot in la and being in new york two hours later parking your car dude you live in a country that can't keep bridges from collapsing or highways from having potholes but yeah sure it will definitely maintain a magical tube with a hard vacuum spanning a continent so you can drive your elon cart two times the speed of sound through des moines good fat thor pretty much ruined end game for me oh wow the fact that a main character got grief stricken with the death of his brother friends and people ruined a movie for you if you tried porn they don't have real character development or decent monster in it for you give you the shout like the guy at the bottom 9-1-1 not just witness the murder i like that guy you ever thought about getting us back together we ever took walkie slash thought about putting it back in your own ass no maybe sometimes i was in a young offender's institution and got called posh because i pronounced the number three as three and not free i also turned a lot of people against me by saying only wacky slash says free instead of three it still annoys me but i it still annoys me but i have long since realized a lot of people struggle to pronounce it correctly slash well when you got out did you enjoy your freedom yeah i had a freesome with your mom all right well then you're going back in for murder going back in for murder he killed him killed him dead truly appalled picked up my new passport today my one expires the next couple of months see below and spot the difference well good to know that i need to renew and can't wait to get that cancerous title off my passport sorry buddy afraid your name still needs to be on there oh oh oh god i'm good this is the wrapping the present is made i have a very bad feeling about this i'm amazed this toad hasn't politicized this somehow amazing isn't even tweeting something that isn't political i'm amazed how the absence of your triggers still trigger you it's because he mentioned them the sheer mention sent them down a spiral you know i'm glad they found the time to pose for photos only posing i see going on is you posing as a complete wacky slash so i'm not sure what you're looking for can we please stop calling property destruction violence and stories about protests words are a job but that is not what that word means okay violence they exercise a physical force so as to inflict injury on or cause damage to wait i got an idea bear with me here not the definition huh right okay [Music] violence the exercise of physical forces to inflict injury on or cause damage to persons or property action or conduct characterized by this treatment or usage tending to cause bodily injury or forcibly interfering with personal freedom oxford english dictionary get [ __ ] wacky slash [ __ ] aaron if you're irish and you complained about britain or racing culture but can't even speak the language slash don't know about ireland before 1910 then just shut your cake hole nobody cares you know them being irish not being able to speak the language or not knowing walkie slash [ __ ] about ireland before 1910 is actually a direct result of britain a racing culture a god damn vitamin d deficient circus clown get some sun say it with me kids say the waluigi hates sjws why words are not oppressive it's your choice to be offended by them and give them power stop being a [ __ ] and you gotta acknowledge the history of mentally i mean some words are taken in the histories of the meanings like twisted and perverted to something different but it doesn't still gotta acknowledge the the etoma was it the etymology is that language you gotta acknowledge the etymology of it all oh yeah let's listen to the guy pretending to be waluigi on the internet these seem to clearly be rational and smart much like i know while luigi to be uh yeah yeah me having a waluigi themed account clearly negates my ability to have a valid opinion okay oh man you shouldn't let his words have the power to upset you a luigi oh what do you say yo is that you oh [Laughter] prince andrew says the queen described the passing of the duke of edinburgh i don't know how to say it everyone's gonna flame me in the comments everyone's gonna kill me in the comments because i know how to say it as having left a huge void in her life and says the royal family is rallying around to make sure that we're here to support her oh it's the fbi oh i know exactly where this is come on i gotta skip it i don't want to make jokes about that that's dark and disturbing 2p2 threat inspired me to pay homage to a weiss today man that must have been tough to find three girls shorter than you are that [Music] damn you know who i want to focus in on i don't know a story about this guy dad bot the back left chatting up one of the two pink wearing twins what's he what's his life going on like who's this guy because she look at her face she's smiling she's interested is he putting on the moves dad pulls you know this seems a little regressive slavery is a part of human history and we're actually slaves right now oh you're a slave huh you're being forced to do labor you would not otherwise choose to do a zero payment you're getting beaten starved raped relocated and dehumanized what the [ __ ] slash you're doing on reddit then my dude a slave wouldn't have access to the walkie slash the internet you're not a slave you are a melodramatic prima donna and the audacity of your comcast if you're showing strong so i recommend you take your down votes you go sit in the corner and let the adults speak so you're not gonna take time and karen picking your wedding ring then you'd be happy to just wear whatever for the rest of your life yeah i'm with the love of my life such a thing doesn't matter i have a whole human to myself let alone a ring your mentality is shallow ungrateful and frankly stuck up you let society and materialism render your mentality backwards i feel bad for your future spouse angles see the day viewing a house it's always sunny there for me and there's a piece of my heart there now i love anglesey but find the north wales people ignorant especially when they find out your english and they start speaking to welsh this infuriated me so you're offended that people speak their first language in their own country bigotry at its worst buddy the house is not satire now i've bought a lot of wood in my day i have never had a cashier any hardware store lumber yard put a board in a bag ever what's worse is most have self-checkout now so i'm assuming he bagged his own wood and is it awful that i just thought maybe if his dad bagged his wood you wouldn't have to deal with them guys i'm trying to check out i bought it i bought a piece of lumber to do some construction work because i'm a man that's what i do [Laughter] this is what donkey would have looked like if he had drank the human potion instead of shrek hell yeah nice you look like the two guys from 21 jump street mixed into one the merged it was a super fusion you're actually right on the right on the money ryan lee stewart oh the worst kind of messages come right from the xbox live chat it must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket [Music] [Laughter] he was the blob it creeps and sneaks and climbs uh just for anyone wondering the breed of the cat is actually adam driver oh thank you i was wondering looks just like him no not the legal eagle you look like one of those advisor npcs and a city building game oh oh come on he looks like he knows your your entertainment section he opens up the movie theaters and runs them for you for a price how are you not the [ __ ] here oh is this uh our slash am i the [ __ ] a little bit of aita you're slut-shaming your adult daughter for sleeping with one guy if you were any simpler your husband have to water you twice oven roast a couple of potatoes i got a whole dinner here with how roasted you just got my friend uh that's the joke i want to say just know how i want to say it bear with me here let me brain function you know if we just threw in a couple of potatoes we'd have a whole roast there we go that's that's the joke animals be 20 minutes old and already know what to do meanwhile human babies come out with a spot on their head that ain't finished yet [Music] and the communication skills of an alarm clock imagine when babies cried they were the iphone alarm hey boy are you an amazon package cause you came so fast i'm worried that something screwed up's happening behind the scenes no i just don't got a lot of stamina you are despicable you publicly posted a photo of your son sobbing because he's been removed from his friends and teachers that he cares for and who care for him just to justify your own agenda and pathetic desire for likes and validation i don't know if you're uninformed ignorant or just a narcissist my votes on all three you're severely doing wrong by your son and other children he comes into contact with by dismissing medical science and being an anti-vaxx ankle and by ankle i mean three feet lower than i can't damn i'm gonna fan myself off i started sweating reading that one oh my god your son deserves better you give the title of mother a bad name damn damn i have two employees that usually leave work at six pm they're good but i don't like that their commitment lasts for work hours only what should i do as a ceo oh actually what you should do is you should copy and paste this complaint into a table in microsoft word 2007. print it double-sided in landscape mode fold it in half eight times soak it in olive oil and shove it up your ass we don't owe you anything after our work hours you'll be a ce no in not too long if you don't have any friends you're not introverted you're a problem uh yo if you think being an extrovert gives you the right to bash introverts for not having friends then you're not an extrovert you're an astrovert and you're gonna meet my fist travert these hands are extroverted baby my only talent is breathing i said this to my mom and she just said yeah that's my [ __ ] you're right it's not even my talent george carlin said think of how stupid the average person is and realize half them are stupider than that what real-life examples have you seen that validates this view there is the considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and dumbest tourists yosemite park ranger on why it's hard to design a bear-proof garbage can because even the smartest bears understand that tourists will leave things on the ground anyway must be nice having a brain so smooth it just rolls around your head like a ball bearing your brain looks like a ball of dough freshly needed oh no man mark wahlberg looks like he's about a yellow and he needs more pictures of spider-man and starts singing i want to break free how can you look so intimidating but so passionate in the same photo what did you do marky mark marky marking the pucker bunch because i want to give him a kiss just this guy goes into the liquor store and asks the cashier for id i feel like in another life review brawl was the guy that gas stations hired to test new cashiers if the card people that look young since the universe has no center you can't be it we'll see about that neil we'll see about that air conditioning is unhealthy bad miserable and sexist i can't explain how many times i've gotten sick over the summer because of overzealous ac in offices the majority of men in business settings are wearing multiple layers of clothes to conform to dress code put on a goddamn cardigan and stop making me ashamed to share a chromosome with you i get the sentiment but you're actually not sharing a chromosome you have your own shotguns do not belong in video games i could not think of one game one shotgun that was skillful but most importantly fun to use it is a weapon put in games for the sole purpose of catering to cowards uh is this person serious ah he's a professional call of duty player that's like being a special ed student of esports that's like being the last picked in dodgeball you don't bring much to the table it's just got all you were left it was either him or the darwin project player and honestly that's a dime it's a dying game i'm not sure if he knows how to socialize dude looks like he sells crack on the moon hashtag pepsi halftime and what about it personally i get all my crack from the moon lunar rock [Laughter] my dudes built like crash bandicoot could i get a whoa why is dj khaled look like a adam sandler reskin in this photo he went from we to best to we depressed no the pick on the right looks like he's a typical miami neighbor who doesn't speak one word english but is a great mechanic and that's my favorite ain't got to see nothing he only knows what's wrong with your car already knows pay him well he deserved it you know i'm glad the husband's bald he doesn't deserve hair damn how are you saying with your whole chest i guess i think that's called desperate not bisexual ah no no no see bisexuality is that i would have sex with men or women desperation would be if i had sex with you just we're confused here sorry well this happened to me as a guy she was on my bed and looked at me dead in the eyes and said people tell me i give great [ __ ] and i looked at her straight faced and said nice good for you she had the most disappointed face i've ever seen a woman have oh oh jesus christ man if your dick was as thick as your head she missed out on a huge opportunity i don't know what that voice was it wasn't any sort of i don't know i know it was for sure not an australian accent most of the mk d lee team is chock full of down unders so i'm i'm sure that they will kill me the chance they get overheard one kid at the mall of america tell his friends he had to get his wisdom teeth out and his friend says why gotta make room for more dicks whoa [Laughter] you're an [ __ ] holy crap what [Laughter] wow insults have really come a long way since i was a kid that was one small step for man one giant leap for insult kind the olsen twins look like one of them knows how you die and the other knows when you die don't ask him don't ask him why am i even cooking the only thing i bring to the dinner table is dishonor to my family don't tell me that sally i bet you make a great i don't know whatever you're making whatever it is i'm sure it's gonna be delicious maybe probably i don't know i have never been so visibly disrespected in all my life using creativity for good not evil my chest does not look like e.t when you're meeting the avengers today and stan lee tomorrow i love how captain america has the whole outfit on and chris pratt looks like a poor single dad that's been through four divorces i mean close enough star-lord no a beer man v canceled e3 because i know some unhygienic gamers would have been in there smelling like spoiled deli meat and corona would have evolved into the t-virus in that environment smart move gamer zombies are the worst kind because they get excited about miguel i see this before apple announces its first new laptop with its own chip instead of intel's oh jesus ellen looks like elon musk is what happens when the ghost of a 14 year old who died in 2011 and the ghost of a 19th century oil baron try to possess the same body they're still fighting to this day oh this is really good keep it up uh don't use emojis on reddit please they bring down the intellectual tone of the conversation down several notches 1 000 people told you to die oh my god that is a that is an emoticon you warm toilet seat hey look he's gonna steal that insult he looks like god's first draft of chris evans how dare you do who's this is is this bob odenkirk i don't even know who that is in joker arthur suffers from a condition that causes him to laugh loudly and uncontrollably even when things are not funny when he tries to do stand up he has difficulty finishing a joke due to laughing too hard this is a reference to jimmy fallon who the character is based on it's true ea has copy and pasted fifa on switch for two years so we copy and pasted our review from last year but lowered the score naturally a painful two if last year's release is borderline insulting this year's is just plain disgraceful dudes be so ugly and be in my dms like sir please you're making my eyes hurt bye yeah yeah keep talking disgraceful conduct sir i challenge you to a handful match for this lady's honor meeting at her forehead when the sun sits at the forehead the guns are drawn this couple went to the gym together for six months yo did the guy wait outside he did get a little he looks like he got a little bit bigger didn't he just his beard grew some more yo look it's he looks like the germ from the muconex commercials i love your commercials dude my father says i look like a goat is it true uh okay uh send us your picture and let's compare oh i didn't have to do them so diabolically she looks like the type of lady that acts all sweet but then after she gets criticism she goes home and microwaves her hamster hamster hell she goes to the petco and all the hamsters get terrified my dude really asked me to rate his fit hey bro write my fit one out of ten like the coat hanger oh that that's his anime villain backstory oh my god i love harry his british accent is so cute wait that red thing is called harry oh i made that red thing's a member of the royal family [ __ ] stupid aren't you do you know the bait oh [Laughter] man i know kitty pulls deeper than her she has the personality of an acai bowl or is it an acai bowl oh no it's a dumb word gamer from mars look like the human version of mark zuckerberg which is a compliment he was the youngest millionaire or something like that nice oh i've seen this one i've read this one before this guy looks like a berserkered out drake bell or jimmy neutron maxed out stats he looks like everyone's first attempt at drawing keanu reeves almost there but needs some changes huh i was working a movie theater in france a customer started an argument with my manager who was a highly functional alcoholic and did not give a damn about pleasing karen's she stupidly went the customer is king to which he replied we're in france we decapitate kings get in the hardest i've ever been owned in my life was when i was 21 in barnes and noble and a teenager asked me where the manga section was or manga i don't care i'm not a i don't read them i don't read manga i told them but also said i don't work here they looked me dead in the eye and said i know you just look like someone who would know oh how did that's that's where i would unironically say how dare you man unbelievable mark zuckerberg's dead eyes steve jobs black turtlenecks voice of megatron seems legit they've cloned her she is like oh my god those eyes are so they look like something i'd get jump scared with she looks like she is one of the infected out of like resident evil 7 like she just saw evelyn's gift she looks like she saw the bird box monster guys in college really be dating high schoolers like [Music] uh classic post charlotte looks like the guy who would greet random strangers with namaste [Laughter] and who knows that's that's a better that's a better critical joke than the than the one about keanu reeves i think that one that one gets some points this guy's nose looks like a woman twerking is that a shoe above him is he getting stepped on his nose does look like that don't get me wrong but what's going on above his head there's a shoe up there for for sure i've been having trouble breathing lately and my doctor told me to get tested for this kung flu luckily i still have my oxygen tank from my cancer treatments to keep me going i'll need to hear what the liberal doctors say god will keep me healthy hey shouldn't she be harassing mike wazowski about his paperwork i think so i don't know why she's on twitter on the job dude enough with the wfh sweatpants drizzle the adult you're getting paid to be yeah i'm not taking fashion advice from a guy who looks like he runs the bumper boats a a segregation-themed amusement park i'm good you're basically the only person in the store not wearing a mask oh yes and even though miss piggy is merely a puppet made of both cloth and wire mostly she still has more brains interesting little pump slams them on instagram as lame as hell damn he got slammed but at least mm doesn't bear resemblance to a vandalized pineapple he's got you there pump ellen degeneres is the human equivalent of fake pockets on pants don't even get me starting off fake pockets i'll fight you if my pocket's got fake pants wait oh god i'm stupid no leek cut that out i'll leave it in that was natural damn bro you look like you used to be a greek god and now you look like you listen to podcasts oh i actually liked his nose beforehand too oh well it makes him happy it makes him happy ariana grande looks like a disney princess using her one wish to her fairy godmother to ask for the world's biggest can a monster energy drink and she got her wish some people have resting [ __ ] face adam driver has resting a professor of theology listening to his students present a report on religious symbolism and medieval art that they copied off of wikipedia face he knows exactly what you're talking about because he's seen the article welp i'm never wearing this top again yeah it makes you look like helena bonham carter as the queen of hearts sorry you will address me by my husband's rank oh will i oh no ranks off hand because i'm a normal person mrs two red chevrons well it resembles both the navy and coast guard petty officer second class but it isn't either all right get it all further as petty and second class thank you justin bieber looks like he's posing for a success story with the executive director of rehab for the brochure to give the new patients and this right here is justin he was addicted to clout oh back to back biebs bieber looks like a roofer that disappears on payday if you give him his check he's got kids to feed the skin on the palm of your hand does not have the ability to grow hair what part of your body do you wish had this type of skin between my eyebrows oh i'm guessing that s isn't needed then he got roasted by pee pee on my doodoo average intel enjoyer average amd enjoyer man this dude is ugly as hell no actually he's so good looking that he went over the 10 scale and restarted it one damn all right i'll bite what do i do for a living uh i don't know it looks like you work as the butler in a haunted mansion and put your little hand in the mashed potatoes grab the hand i love scary movie wendy williams is for women who were bullies in high school and now they spam their pyramid schemes on facebook just thought you should know that that's her prime demographic at loser fruit looks like your friend's girlfriend is actually really bad at soccer but you don't really tell her because she's sensitive oh loser fruits only good at fortnight huh only soccer yoga that's the one at pleasant park insurance adjuster be like 11 50 is the best i could do not anymore lee had 30 copies of fallout 76 before the looting started after the dust settled they had 40. is that a 29 little hacks that could save your life is that a game boy cartridge case no no no this is actually a legitimate life hack because keeping a condom in your wallet is bad news the friction from being in your pocket or jostled around wears down the latex it can cause it to tear if you keep one on you in a gameboy cart case that won't be an issue because no one will have sex with you so i think this is a life hack yo sorry emo girls but andy biersack isn't that hot he looks like if sheldon had an emo phase smart as hell but also very emotional there's catfishing and then there's whatever the hell this is wow what a weird way to announce to the world that you've never had a girl sleep over interesting that one black person you can play as in a 1990 to 2005 snowboarding game oh oh man i can't even say that it looks just like it too the hair right down to like the outfit oh man favorite character though i will personally organize a local militia if i'm forced to stay in my damn house any longer dude shut up you couldn't organize a hunger strike at a fashion show trying to talk tough and we lost mainly because i'm trash lol no no no you're not trash you're recycling because well trash can be disposed but we're stuck with you i feel like adam levine just went to a tattoo artist and said made me look like a tattooed guy oh no he looks more like a bathroom wall to gas station to me right down to the carving and mysterious liquid which type of tattoo makes you cringe the most literally anyone that has two small tattoos and is constantly posing about how discriminated against people with tattoos are and how pathetic all the cairns of the world are for being offended by tattoos like calm down becky no one has ever said anything actually rude to you about your three inch faith tattoo written in such swirly cursive that it could be a roller coaster and my whole identity is victimhood island alright so me and my sleeves will go somewhere else ellen degeneres's brother defends talk show hosts for supporting kevin hart wow i've never seen a family with a stronger pe teacher gene no neither have i vanilla ice is having a fourth of july weekend concert despite coronavirus and hey look honestly we should be fine because we're still allowed to gather in groups up to 10. if you're wondering how people are going to show it to a vanilla ice concert it's less than that uninspected item in bagging area it's not unexpected you digital freak you literally just told me what it is it's right there on the screen i did the wavy wave you did the bleepy bleep up until the point where you decided to have electronic stroke things are going exactly according to plan what you mean is that you haven't been programmed right don't go putting this on me like i've somehow gone out of my way to surprise you i've got places to be man i can't be playing hide the actual salami with the terminators younger cousin oh and now you've sent for backup well done now i have to deal with a human person who thinks i'm either an imbecile or a thief for not being able to work what's effectively a bathroom skill with delusions of grandeur for the fourth time elon musk's mom on raising successful kids i didn't treat them like babies or scold them oh no man they'll either ride on hinge their jaws and swallow a marsupial get out of their elon jennifer lopez says men are useless until they turn 33. by all means let's give a damn about relationship advice from a woman that collects engagement rings like she's thanos one to go i know you ain't showing me nicocado avocado i feel like nick is the human embodiment of the voice in your head that tells you to crash your car while you're driving oh he absolutely is he's worse than that yeezy slides i won't worry he can make me walk oh come on you shot my dog prepare yourself i'm bringing the pencil oh he's not the wick he's the entire candle not even scented people from wyoming are in my mentions insulting me for dissing their state yesterday and i'm just imagining them furiously riding a horse to a mcdonald's in utah just to get wi-fi and tweet at me stay mad amish people these dudes come up to you and tell you and empty out your pockets what are you doing i'm about to throw those knocks on the floor and watch them fight over it hey whoever the winner i'm betting the one on the far left is going to come out victorious the other two don't got enough meat on their bones yo he looks like ed sheeran with steroids no one will stop him from making music now fake jake huh jake looks like the way brits would look if they weren't british huh i mean i don't know what that means how do you not look british do i look british if i said cheese day would you would you believe i'm from i'm from britain i don't know he looks like he's been punched in both eyes but he forgot to bruise and you know what i think that's i think that's a benefit them for getting the brew so he doesn't deal with no bruised eyes i you know hey when somebody loses something his eyes made me dunk it in like i crushed a can too hard but at least it's not purple dude looks like why is this also wait both of these last two posts were courtesy of msnbc are they just like is it the the peanut gallery on there dude looks like a melted candle is it scented that's my first question second question what is the scent if it is sweat this guy's posture reminds me of a half broken down cardboard box you don't have to do them dirty like that this is just a man this is this is just a man and you've done and you've done him so dirty so unbelievably dirty half of what you say sounds like it comes from the cards against humanity card i ain't got no jokes for that some of these rare insults aren't even rare insult they're just like like playing ad-libs with the english language they're like let's pick uh swear give me what give me a swear word give me a pop culture reference and now give me a vegetable to compare them to that is my rare insult jake paul's music career gives me hope that me a 14 year old kid can become rich through music with absolutely no skill while jake did a lot more before music but if you think you can do it through no there's plenty of musicians who have no talent uh for example um this might be controversial um i i don't i don't think that the bikini bottom band was all that good and look at them they played the super bowl so i'm saying anything's possible t i bet you sleep standing up or something creepy like that yeah i do what are you gonna do about the yuka you know what i do to yuka i eat it with some wakayina all right magnus carlsen names his three favorite opponents but uh why does this guy look like he's about to give a ted talk about cyber security how is that even an insult wait if he knows a lot about cyber security wouldn't that be a good thing wouldn't give you an asset y'all work on your insult game mr randomness random these nuts you're literally my dad ah yeah sorry about the adoption thing uh you looked odd so i figured the blind couple down the road would appreciate you more than me you know they can't see you but they can hear and generally observe your presence through smell taste and sound um and i i thought you would appreciate that you know and i say taste because you you have a palatable odor about you like you know when you can like smell garlic in the air you can almost taste it that that's you as a walk as a human being what a sad life you must live that any bit of surrealism abstraction or symbolism has you grossed out i bet you eat raw oats and get off the diagrams and what about it the british accent sounds like doctor's handwriting uh now i believe i believe are thinking of the thick scottish accent which is my favorite accent to listen to actually hey she's the type of person to stand out in the sun to dry her sweat she she lets it evaporate fellas isn't that weird you rocking with evaporation yana mario is 28. they them polyam down to earth easy to get along with love horror movie slash true crime adventures cats and reptiles i'm an artist musician intersexual feminist mental health advocate love diy shows hanging with friends long talks and getting boba down to earth the earth would spit her out if she was buried well why what about their bio did you not like was it the boba i like boba man it's it's fattening but it doesn't stop me i'll get the giant boba i'll get a vanilla boba with some honey boba some popping mango and strawberry boba and some grass jelly try that sometime wait not grass jelly rainbow jelly i'm sorry rainbow jelly you know becoming an electrician is the only way you can light up someone else's life i'd rather be in the dark to be perfectly honest it looks like if gordon ramsay ran a show called expert cook instead of masterchef but cranky old joe is still a co-host joe who you know sia is the answer to what if lady ganga was one of those quirky boomer moms sharing minion memes on facebook i don't know much about sia other than she made the song titanium and got in trouble for a movie that's all i know i have no opinion on her i think she's i think she's a bit silly a bit a bit weird and a bit dumb maybe even a bit wacky do you fancy having sex with me this evening who approaches someone like that good day chapter you're fancy having sex with me this evening getting that good old intercourse going on you can take your trousers off put your baker's cap on the doorstep and maybe we've been chipping around oh hey bro [Laughter] oh broth tries off now we're gonna we're gonna have a shag in the back of the alley oh no this now this voice i would rather be in labor for the rest of my life i would to if i read in that voice why do all these bloody birds have to tweet in the morning come on man it's 11am i'm trying to sleep go sing your mating call somewhere else your thirsty feathered [ __ ] oh you know don't don't random don't don't be a don't be a a a bird blocker let them do let them do the thing i mean just let them let them have at it this that lady looks like she has the snapchat baby filter permanently her face is like a little too smooth like your face looks like when like she doesn't get any nothing sticks to her face it slides right off which i mean you know pretty cool but you're in paternity court for what he is that type of guy that'll flex their stuff in a video game and lose to a player that has level 2 starter characters aka every sweaty guy in fortnite pumps every time i play fortnite there's some dude who has played creative for four hours in a row just sweating like his keyboard has got to be waterproof because he there's so much sweat pouring from every orifice of this man's face every pore every hole there's sweat coming out of it and he cranks up all the way to the sky and i do just you know one two three pickaxe hits and they fall down and they die and they watch wondering how i could have killed them when they just need to slow down anyway that's an entire tangent to tell you i play fortnite i'm pretty good at it too so watch out i like how the husband has wi-fi on his head hey what's the password randy it's getting spicy in the rear insult subreddit i don't know what lumi is replying to but it is aggressive bash his nuts in with a flaming 12-pound sledgehammer forged by skimpy female dwarf blacksmith i want to read that again but in a different accent crush his nuts in with flaming 12-pound sledgehammer forged by skimpy female dwarf blacksmith now now i feel like that was appropriate to read i got a big crush you know what i mean this dude looks like the human form of almond milk not even the sweetened kind jake paul is going to lose to ben askren no one likes jake he's the type of guy to punch his reflection because he looked at him funny and now he has a broken mirror bloody hand and can't see his reflection no more at least this is what people in the 50s thought hair of the future would look like i can't even get a good there's she's got like a like a middle part and then like a mohawk going down the middle but still has like long hair on the sides it's like a creating this is like an rb rpg character but on a talk show maybe the reason only one percent can reach level three is because 99 of people would rather look at water evaporating than play these games just have you ever thought about that oh you would pretend to reach level three while there's only one percent of the people that watch these ads actually playing i would rather you kick me in the balls than play your crappy mobile game speaking of that i want to do a video on mobile game ads because there have been a ton of weird ads i've seen on twitter um one that pops up most frequent is this like zombie apocalypse mobile game but the the the ad is a the guy is in an elevator with two ladies and he smacks one of the ladies asses and then blames it on the other girl super weird why all the women in the audience acting like the megan fox half them look like gargoyles gargoyles the powerpuff [ __ ] coils jaby looks like he wakes up in the morning and says good morning daddy to himself here that's king behavior this guy's brain is just filler so his skull won't collapse uh yeah it's the laugh if someone doesn't have a thought in his head not one synapse in his brain is firing not a one this dude is literally 69 legs 30 arms shoulders and 1 head i don't know what he's doing in there but being a robot is not good he's not one of the things he's doing he's not very good at it the irony is is that this is actually pretty audibly enjoyable when it's just a parody for ships and giggles while rice gums makes you want to disembowel my inner ears i just want to rip out my drum reach into my ear canal and just gouge out my cerebellum just pluck it out let's just take it out nusrat saying wow hashtag salt bae hashtag salt life hashtag salt you're an inspiration for birth control nasr thank you thank you for being a continuing a continual poster boy for plan b you may say intel cpus are bad but the fire line thinks they're fire man that was a stupid that was a stupid comment i have an intel cpu what do you mean my fire alarm thinks they're fire i've never heard a complaint take you and your multi-core amd cpu elsewhere good sir i'm gonna build my next pc with a ryzen anyway so i don't know why i'm why i'm hating thank you guys for watching if you like this video and want to see more like it be sure to subscribe and until next time my name is damian you've been watching daily and i'll see you next time [Music] so [Music]

Channel: DeeLee

Views: 479,929

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% true stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, ez pz, reddit funny

Id: HeaiSbFGs_U

Length: 69min 35sec (4175 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 15 2021