ALL OF r/TIHI

[Music] somebody called country music farm emo and i can't stop thinking about it and now i can't either adam and eve had to raise teenagers but they were never teenagers beforehand eve holding the first ever baby what the hell is this adam talking to god hey buddy so uh i don't know if this is like normal or what but my wife just shout out a fat bald monkey and now won't stop screaming you doing okay up there bro just you wait adam it gets worse the tonight show starring jimmy fallon our first guest tonight is a man who has no skin but cannot die his condition has confounded doctors and priests alike so what's like having no skin jimmy my every moment is agony that's great not a commercial break then he gets real close and he's like don't you let them know that you're having a bad time this is my show this is my show and you're my guest now you smile you show on your good side which is hard because you got no skin the worst alphabet book ever p is for pterodactyl all the letters that misbehave make words nearly impossible to pronounce m is for a mnemonic w is for ren i didn't like that i don't like angles only was one bit holy [ __ ] babe you look like an angel really [Music] a biblically accurate one [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] extremely distressed by this mood ring toilet seat i just saw on a craft facebook group imagine if you lived on your own and you came home to find evidence of a butt on your toilet and the butt was angry ghosts oh oh god wait a minute please don't tell me that please i beg of you don't tell me that that little circle between the thighs on the toilet seat is what i think it is [Laughter] don't tell me please zoom in you see the small circle there on the first image in between the thighs i swear i'm gonna have a heart attack that's the funniest thing i've ever seen what color is blue on the moon right now if i know what this guy's balls were feeling i gotta know i gotta know what mood his balls were in so blue means the wearer was calm yes he has some calm ass nuts [Laughter] my progress in art in 2008 it was just a stick figure but in 2017 my my superhero pregnancy fantasies are coming to life hey the fresh prince of belle [Laughter] hair like that the forehead's still a little too big when rona ends we can finally blast each other with particles again it's gonna be i hate that my first thought was this just looks like political parties debating just spewing at each other back and forth left and right elephants and donkeys flying in the sky look out wife oh i regret getting you that blender for christmas me drinking toast why make my breakfast it's way easier thanks babe can't wait to drink a dinner i'm going to drink a new york strip is it blood or pee excuse me the liquid you are filled with it's kool-aid i know but is it your blood or your pee oh i see what you mean it's my blood thanks i have that at communion instead of the wine instead of the blood of christ i have the blood of kool-aid man oh yeah imagine if they took the statue of liberty down and found loads of skeletons inside and it turned out that the french had just failed the trojan mission don't tell them that don't make them look inside the statue i beg you i beg you please don't make them search inside the statue tooth fairies are a smaller and friendlier subspecies of the larger and much more hostile bone fairies you break a bone they take it that should be better still a little yellow spiders don't have muscles in their legs they move them using a hydraulic system powered by their blood pressure so when they die their legs curl up because their blood pressure is gone so every spider is basically just eight walking boners powered by fear yep yesterday my colleague called me a book murderer because i cut long books in half to make them more portable does anyone else do this is it just me you're a weirdo like i understand that technically the books are still legible but i don't want to i don't want a side b a book you know what i mean so in brazil we were just hit by a huge cold front in some parts of the country people are seeing snow for the first time now brazilian media is filled with american influences so we've seen a lot of snow on tv and now that we finally get our hands on the stuff we decide to have some fun right the problem is that brazilians really don't know how to build a snowman brazilian media is now calling our snowmen chernobyl olafs and i a more appropriate name i have not found they look like little mistakes i just can't stop thinking about this horizontally cut bread i want to make a sandwich that's a sandwich fit for shaggy what do you like when i'm hungry man like scoob get me the bread cut that bread down the x-axis or so help me god i bet british people will be having sex like yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i'm arriving [Music] how how bad of a british accent can i do let's try it again let's just go like something really obnoxious like yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on i really hope that whoever's editing this is either uh british or knows how a british accent is supposed to sound and just hate what i'm doing here let's let's try one more i bet british people be having sex like yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i'm arriving i don't know what to laugh i can't do a british accent i don't know what you want from me strawberry brownies i thought this was salmon i mean i don't blame you it's it's like it looks wet your brownies look very wet i think a strawberry brownie defeats the purpose of a brownie if i'm not mistaken brownie's supposed to be fudgy and rich a strawberry flavor is going to take me out of it i hate this on multiple levels yo we're faking calves now anything for instagram [Music] shoulder rubs and belly rubs okay you know what hey i'm done hey i said i was done ground coffee it is would you like a little leaf at least they made a little latte art i like that imagine sex in the 19th century oh my god you'd spend 15 minutes unbuttoning 650 buttons only to get to a coochie that hasn't been washed since last week's river water bath and don't even get me started on the swamp ass and the reek balls no they're right they're 100 right it it is farm emo what no wait nothing happened nothing bad even happened today i did everything right so why is i don't like that one that's very serious i can't make a joke out of that oh i love these speckled white cubes i wonder what these could be for these couldn't possibly be playing dice they're far too disorganized there's a formerly locked room in our airbnb that contains two guns an erotic painting and a typewriter whose keys are made entirely of teeth ever gonna die aren't we no not at first that comes later at the end before you leave many people have been using quarantine as a time to perfect their bread or coffee making skills but i personally have taken this as an opportunity to make increasingly unsettling eggs first we have long white little yolk crescent white little yolk big yolk little white and big yolk minuscule white go ahead and rate my monstrosities i rate them a for ayo why is horse like a pale emo kid in a black hoodie please answer my query he's emotional don't worry about it he's got feelings man this is a nightmare i cannot you know i'm pretty sure this idea must have been struck down as soon as covet hit but i'd rather be put in the luggage hole than have to sit like this on a plane i'd rather be put where everyone's stinky feet luggage is than be stuck facing i i don't want to be in conversation angle okay we're not going to be talking about anything i don't want to be playing footsies with some stranger on the plane is that a face on ash's euphala i don't like that one does this make the uvula a canon character of the pokemon universe that just has never had a significant role since it has a face and presumably a conscience okay son throw the dart and wherever it lands we'll do that okay [Music] yay divorce it's all your fault son now we're guilt-free and you gotta pay a counselor fee when your mom buys off-brand cereal ain't friends baby it's acquaintances like an out-of-tune friends theme genuinely not sure what to even say my gf always told me that her mom kept her deceased grandfather's ashes in a butter container i just laughed and thought it was a joke but mom was out of town and we stayed at her place now while looking for a shirt she says oh there's grandpa so i regretfully present you with i can't believe it's grandpa well it's not even a butter container that's a margarine container that's disrespectful to your grandfather when you compare the size of a gummy worm versus a gummy bear it really starts to paint a horrific picture of the gummy universe someone show me a gummy ant i want to see what it looks like hollywood okay but how will people know which one is the boy and which one is the girl hollywood easy solution just screw their faces up a whole bunch [Laughter] do you want to buy honey how do i know it's real honey [Music] okay i'll take two bottles it's paying for the anti-venom so a woman in australia found one of the biggest huntsman spiders ever recorded i think it had children too is that eggs there that thing is dude that just gives you the heebie-jee i don't have like a arachnophobia but i don't like bugs in general i i don't like things like i'm scared of a lot of things man but it's not like phobias you know what i mean but this this makes my spine like shift in weird places this this gave me a herniated disc just looking at it the existence of slender man implies the existence of an even spookier thick man who may be yet undiscovered nah baby that's me you're looking at him thick man right here instagram influencers be like just gotta trim it up a little bit make it a little bit thick hey you're thinking he was on that island i said no talking put this on wilson [Laughter] one day this will all be yours oh it was much nicer before the nuclear fallout but it's still our kingdom yes papa wait no that's messed up when when mufasa dies so will simba i don't like that it's not his kingdom it's just something he simply gets to survey while you live your life mufasa every time i come home i have to look at this kirby from hell i made in elementary school that my mom now hangs aprons on well hey she found a practical use for it i like that she'd have just tossed it out and you know let it burn in hell where it belongs but no she found a she said my kid made this let's apply it let's make it practical anything off the chair oh it's you again we'll take the lot [Music] someone that's uh send me an image uh i don't remember where it was i think it was on twitter uh someone would send me an image i'm already a big boy but they sent me an image of me with like the fat filter on on facetune and i looked like a republican senator i hated it so much uh if you're watching this you know who you are go ahead and make yourself known because it was god-awful well you think just because i got little chicken legs i can't make major gains watch this pal about a bench press 250 with my legs okay so i got some constructive criticism from my first attempt at drawing birds many people said the legs weren't realistic enough i think i finally got it though let me know what you think and look at that big bird butt i'm about to bust i can't i was going to say a joke like about to give birth seed but that's that's too far that's too far bird seed the united states has a series about a talking sponge working at a fast food restaurant is japanese anime really that weird i come from a long line of kwanzai lesbian ghost killers yes [Laughter] meet the planets mars don't want to meet your stupid ass no mars looks like it's going to give me some secrets that i didn't want to hear like things as old as time like earth is like hey i'm earth and that mars is just it get come here what are your fact about mars you know where to call me the red planet because there's tomatoes here so many tomatoes you put ribs in the oven at 200 degrees for four hours and they're fall off the bone your body is on your skeleton at 98.6 degrees for 70 years and nothing that's dr michael baden on the paradox of meat that's actually a very good question why doesn't meat cook on the body when it's you know the internal temperatures of our body oh i don't want to think about that oh [Music] i don't like that at all man now my brain's thinking about it it's like the opposite of the medusa what would the what would medusa's dot like opposite be named modusa there it is still turning people into stone and turns them into gravel donald trump real estate investor 1980s you know during this interview melania trump is nine years old somewhere in slovenia let's think about that shrek and leela megelo mongozoski and i've seen i'm pretty sure this is so common at this point i can hardly hate it it's it's such a common thing just it's i'm desensitizing this one i'm sorry eek a mouse well you'd be freaking out too if you saw a miniature human sprinting across the floor wouldn't you i don't think her reaction is very out of order three rules no wishing for death no falling in love no bring back dead people i'll wish for envelopes to moan when you lick them there are four rules since you want to say something stupid at first she's a lady then she's nemesis who knew you know it's crazy how your nipples are older than your teeth now i'm self-conscious thanks a soundproof learning dome i i straight up might get this just because it sounds so funny to me can we talk about the bucket with the toilet paper next to it or how the math is wrong but you know what i've been doing math wrong too if i was stuck in a bubble running out of oxygen you get oxygen when you solve the equation lenny is playing tic-tac-toe as well he didn't see timmy turner wish for a big dick the whole time so you know he was packing that shmeet well you know i'm sure he was but that ain't gonna make trixie fall for him now will it wait trixie was the the right one right now hold on i think i got my characters mixed up nah is trixie you all skip arm day can't relate what paper cut and he did it's true those veins are popping out they're like little road maps for me to cut things on me as a kid looking through the window and watching my imaginary hero doing parkour my dad horrified of the man chasing our car going 90 miles per hour he just wants to sell you something that's all he wants to do just let the man pitch his product when will humans stop dancing in our oh no but those two are making out in it oh wow they're really going at it should we stop peeing no let's give the people what they want our piss name peter parker last name he didn't ask me more specific questions the top question now i feel a fool is that a penguin's anatomy so theoretically speaking as we look at the next uh diagram here a penguin could in theory stand and run right his knees are up there goodness do you see that little sign in the hall they don't allow liquid containers on planes that why is 911 happen in animal crossing that dodo there oh you've seen some things sleeping with your pikachu is cute sleeping with your machoke is weird no sometimes you want to be the little spoon that's okay dude your stomach is constantly filled with warm puke you should probably shower less yeah less less is good hey just checking in friendly reminder that planet earth is a dense molten core encased in a layer of solids and therefore is technically speaking a ravioli just thought i had to chop that on you ordered amazon delivery and selected replace item with the closest thing they can find if they run out of stock we ordered tampons and they said the closest appropriate thing which right now is a bag of 50 frozen sausage rolls don't know don't know why don't i well i have no joke for this how is 50 sausage rolls the closest thing to tampons you couldn't send a maxi pad no sausage rolls whatever rpg games we like we're just picking mushrooms find a dead body your stuff now buddy a statue of saint bartholomew an early christian mortar who was allegedly skinned alive that is not a rope he's holding it's his skin just in case you need to be horrified today turns out that giving super mario the eyes of a real italian man makes him about 150 sexier take a look at those luscious eyes and gaze into the pearly blues why don't you oh wake up sheeple it's time for school i'm not doing good looking at this image mickey rourke and axel rose look like a lesbian couple who own an antique shop in portland and i'm here for it and they look like they both wanted to go to france and never got around to it it just looks sad you know what i mean pretty sure that's a bill burbett isn't it i wanted to go to europe or something right i think that's i think i heard that from bilbo somewhere and it's just in my mind i like the nonchalant thumbs up mickey i actually i think that one's oh god i don't know what either of them look like i don't know which one is mickey rook and which one is axl rose they look the same to me just seen pringles being sold in the packet instead of a two but i feel sick those go kind of hard in the packet i try it muslim prostitute marries her clients for an hour in order to have sinless sex no this isn't how you're supposed to play the game got them cheat code sakurai what can i tell you oh so when other people call their pets fur baby it's fine but when i call a kid a skinned dog somehow i'm disgusting and the worst pediatrician in this hospital check your double standards lego people live in a house made of their own skin and you put them there so my my son's gonna thomas the train bed and i'll never sleep again because thomas watches and thomas hungers this is sam the slug he always smiles i'll never catch him crying if he ever does the in his tears will melt his face right off just like his wife and son look at sam still smiling the only emotion he's allowed to give because otherwise it'll be deadly guys my nan and granddad dressed up as snowman and i can't breathe they look terrifying they look like they're gonna go purging it's purge night but it's december you know what that means if your dom is older you call him daddy but what if he's younger what am i supposed to call a hot attractive dom who's younger than me him chokes me me egrip is getting stronger sport or buddy or champ either those work or big guy did mrs incredible have labor pains birthing three kids or did she feel her water break stretch your uterus to the size of a camping tent so the doctor can walk in and pick up the baby off her pelvic floor and call it a day that's canon that's disney cannon that's pixar cannon that's exactly what she did my husband said the doctor told him i could suck out his kidney stone after three days of trying i think he lied to me oh he played you good and hard for that sucky sucky for that dyson 3000 certified suction hold [Laughter] dentist let's take a look at me no buy him food play with his hair take him out on a date we reciprocate ladies yeah suck his titties i mean if you insist but i have a girlfriend no thank you she can handle it what if your name was tony but you spelled it like t-o-u-g-h-k-n-e-i-g-h tony i'd say get out of here before something happens to you you can stop with a trolley at any time but doing so would disrupt the trolley service causing the company to lose profits so what'll it be interestingly enough depending on who you ask there's a different answer this mask but i'm good because i'm enjoying being ugly in peace right now me too man me too how vanilla extract smells vanilla extract tastes a tick that makes you allergic to meat is spreading a single bite can reprogram your immune system the vegans have launched their first attack make me mad in five words or less easy snickers have a dick vein your favorite candy snack like twix don't got it butterfingers don't got it it's the snickers they got dick veins you know honey is the tastiest of all the insect developments we've tried so far thanks bees you know i saw some dude tweet that you don't really wash your hands you wash each other while you just stand there and watch and i haven't been the same since i actually look my eyes i actually avert my eyes from my hands to give them privacy until they're done so chuck you're saying that too success watch where's my watch oh i sewed myself in again sorry tom it's gonna hurt oh jeez this is a long one the brain is just eight pounds of meat that sits in complete darkness and plays a video game of what it thinks is the most realistic thing ever well it's three pounds not eight also it's not really meat it's mostly fat with some water and salt you have a wad of soggy bacon inside your skull and this blob of gross unprocessed jello somehow manages to run a complex biomechanical suit using less electricity than it takes to work a light bulb and people wonder why humans are so weird and have odd experiences that aren't actually real i mean if ebola tapioca pudding manager hallucinates so vividly in invented calculus and also going dude i heard a weird noise and i'm 100 sure it was the ghost of the neighbor's cat which hasn't actually died yet would be just as expected as anything else that's why we've yet to unlock the secrets of the brain because the jello isn't processed so my keyboard broke i can't type r without copy pasting it now i'm using this dweadful language to replace the broken key oh my god that's a furry's dream [Laughter] suspect i ain't coming out okay sending the werewolf wait though what there he is team jacob in the flesh that's why he was too busy to film shark boys and lava girls too he was on the job he's a police officer pokemon tips when training baby pokemon you can expect to encounter the occasional nighttime incident it's okay that you wet the bed squirtle you learn to control your water gun soon oh bulby you see bombed the bed we'll get this cleaned up but i'm so smelly burning flesh i couldn't save them i couldn't save my family char char like your family charred that's what i'm saying your family is charming charcoal why do you show me this i feel like you guys i feel like the daily team just like picks out rat themed things for me to to see and be upset about you you you treat my rats like this you treat them like this bring me hoof on this one bring me who found it i want their reddit posting hand taken away that is a hardcore mug that is that i can't like i want to be mad at that but that is an insane mug wow wow wow wow and it's got a gold filling it's not even all the teeth it's like it's got a gold filling in it too that's kind of that's really badass i can't even hate on that engagement ring for 420 selling the old lady's wedding ring caught her sleeping with her brother again also your fingers are all the who's posting i don't want to meet you whoever leather is posting this whoever's posting this is is like a cryptid who's luring someone in for their next meal it's horrifying selling it for only 420 because i need to move out tonight her neph son keeps starting to kill me in my sleep her nephew my dude's got a weird hand a weird weird ex-wife and a neph son to boot horrifying hey what the f oh hey buddy that is not an okay thing to do to a nerf to a nerf bullet just about as bad as full auto in the building hit a kid in the back of the neck with that they just go down like a sack of potatoes i'm not gonna say that word i'm not gonna say that word no nah i know there's nothing wrong with that word but i don't feel good saying it like i feel like i'll have a hard time going to bed no oh these two swans are making a heart well uh what are the rest saying nobody heart that's not true my mom loved me that's all i need it's normal time franken dog no adventures just a field is that a shrimp put smack dab at a oreo cookie maybe it's busting oh no i am watching the teenage mutant ninja turtles and posit the worst possible time and now i'm traumatized because god i gotta look inside the mouth of donatello and now my soul is gonna tello baby belle cheese the unblinking red eye of a demon god a cheese so powerful they cage it twice in a wax and then catch it in a net murder me it screams peel off my skin and eat me baby that's one way of looking at it that is a metal pencil sharpener oh my god that's that's pretty cool that's pretty cool hey what happened to daddy pig oh well you see in the episode peppa and the boarding school daddy pig is meant to leave deceased he died in the end of jumping up and down in muddy puddles when he was super pig and he flew the secret villain of peppa pig into the sun but he went there as well so they both incinerated to death but only mentally uh in real life he's just deadbeat so that's what happened oh god you know i've been waiting all year to get one of my hands on a pepsi bismul waiting all year for this tastes just like regret hey hey yo you stepping on the pikmin you step it on the picnic olimar is gonna be pissed that's a funky grin on that lion i don't know i don't know if i appreciate him opened a dm picture from a man expecting it to be a dick pic but it was a poem which is somehow worse but it was both at the same time like a ding dong and rhymes but it was like a like a like a edgar allen poe so it was really sad yo winnie the pooh with human hands and feats get that'll keep him away from me he can stay in in the forest as far as i'm concerned christopher robin you're a weird dude for hanging out with winnie the pooh spider bites me spiderman cat bites me i'm mike myers you tell me which one i should choose i have invented a pregnancy test app you download it and then piss on the screen and if the screen gets covered in piss you're not allowed to have kids it's the rule tell me the truth i'm ready to hear it beef jerky is just a cow raisin were you ready mary were you oh that made me physically cringe oh that that's a that's a thumbnail that is a i feel like if this is not the thumbnail i'm gonna be shocked because that is horrif that is disgusting that should be illegal i'm much happier with the boiled eggs here i am because this is just eggs boiled with red rice as it says in the caption up there i am far more comfortable with this than i am with the last image i just reacted to redneck calamari come line up and eat yeah no they're not octopus but they're better tastier too renaissance art come on you weird baguette man suck on my titty come on drink smilk all right look i need to know does every starbucks have a hell of roaches in the espresso machines or is that just mine well i get refreshers so i don't know said dwayne buscemi dwayne you're looking awfully bushely today unlucky shards they're painfully delicious mmm glass whoa hold on these are kind of cool i don't know what is the design supposed to be but that's kind of sick it's like a little claws now that's kind of cool steal his look cargo ship blocking the seuss canal the greg lauren shawl collar striped cotton shirt jacket 1 680 bucks the dolce gabbana straight leg lennon trousers 575 bucks the self-adhesive wheelie bin stickers 99.99 each what's so wrong about that oh dude it's little shit's the mischievous turd finally a horror movie character i can appreciate vegetarian shrimp are just oranges change my mind they have a shell and everything yo is that the victim of the bite of 87 [Laughter] super smash brother wait hold on what's going on with [ __ ] oh my god fox is a ball gag he's really he's putting the smash in super smash huh hey here's smooth maul and god he's handsome i'd kiss him here's my bill after getting bit by a snake you know we gotta care for the pharmacy the lab services the care room the intensive care room the emergency care and therapy services the radiology and don't forget the special services all in all it's about uh you know just a quick 150 grand 150 grand put the venom back in put the venom back in i'm not paying for that put the venom back in a pickle with a surprise none of these snowmen made it this is the snow sauna incident of 2015. pepsi and peeps have joined forces to create marshmallow soda it's the worst oh no you know i want to hate this but i have a i have a slight respect for the craft so you you win this time donek sankey yo look we're playing basketball wait why is the basketball doing that uh all right poke it oh no that wasn't a ball that was an egg sack filled with little basketballs hey yo what are mike and sully doing what are you plotting over there is this a is this a drug deal between the two of them is there sexual favors being exchanged i mean mike is 45 mouth he could do a lot with it i think sully knows it is your milkshake really worth it yes i love it and i hope they start spitting the cows faster cause i can't get enough of my milkshake i need another cup oh we got patricia squidward and sandy the the spongebob that's the spongebob squat as the as it were i kind of like this i like the minecraft meal you've got going on here i need it it's even on a square plate oh how wonderful it is to be named after the stars what an honor to be associated with those beloved lights up in the night sky oh hello there mr blob fish [ __ ] you starfish whatever me peas on the side of the bowl to make less sound my brother just trying to enjoy his cereal well now you can enjoy it because you didn't pee loud so i mean you're quite being quiet you know hey how do you top your sub blocked blocked blocked you're all blocked that is not what i meant you know what i'm jersey mike you know what i meant when i said that a smart life preserver that isolates the water and maintains body temperature it is just a giant condom get in i have oh yo i thought that was moss no those are spiders i thought that was like some kind of grass i was like why would you hate that that's what you get for camping outside no that's those are bugs those are those are bugs and upon realizing that i hate this image so much more than i initially did imagine if we had one giant toe instead of multiple little ones you mean like this ah thanks for the nightmares cool appreciate it tony hawk's pro state it's a first person adventure oh look toothbrushes [Music] i jose el torres i'm gonna get that too voluntarily on january 2nd 2019 so that i could earn my wife's trust back for the pain and suffering i've caused in our marriage i am a liar cheater when bro what caught my eyes at the end of this is after all that you also have to include dishonest and disrespectful as a tattoo is his own name tattooed on him as well i don't think this tattoo is real it looks a little fake compared to the jose tattoo he has on his on himself but uh if it is real his middle name is rather appropriate it's an elf a little bit of subway tuna between my chocolate chip cookies i mean it's not real fish so i don't know where it is but it tastes good tired of being fat and ugly just be ugly welcome to 24 fitness [Laughter] oh joe i downloaded the app didn't you know so my hand's a little wacky it's got a four or four little divots you could put quarters in and i can i work like a coin slot machine pretty cool wake up and sleep in that order both a mess they burn her wanna drink no i'm good don't look at me like that woody i don't like you in this form i don't like you at all in this form woody oh sorry kid i'm the ether bunny wrong guy now you're coming with me to the uh to the ethereal plane where you will join a collection of people i've stolen from this reality including two governors i don't know how they got there but you certainly will never know how to get out yo finally tried bulba or whatever it's called i don't know why i'll hype this up so much it's just beans i don't i i i like i finished it don't get me wrong but it's just beans i might get a second one honestly do they got a pinto version they do do they gotta what are the other kind of beans they got a black bean version yes they do do they got a kidney bean version time will tell you know this is all good until the airbag malfunctions from moisture damage and your passenger takes a cactus through the face at 300 miles per hour and that's exactly as i intend to have happen you all want to see it camel check it out nature's beautiful when you realize captain america's suit doesn't have 50 stars so he's actually catching puerto rico and you know what that's not true because bad bunny is captain puerto rico all right just making it clear you see his wrestlemania debut tell me he's not a superhero day one of my zero waste journey use my pasta water from breakfast to make my coffee is it good no why don't you use that water to water plants or is that dangerous for the plant i don't know but that's what i would do i would put it back into the environment not use it to make my coffee you know not going for rustic coffee you're so cool and funny [Music] what have you done he doesn't know how to deal with compliments so ugly meanwhile my man's just reaching a new level of talking to god but snap back to reality fixed it fixed it cinnamon toast crunches oops all shrimp tails from viral meme to the breakfast in your bowl with a sweetened shrimp cereal the general thrills today's pudding angel hair nutella is that spaghetti no it's pudding don't don't get it twisted today's pudding as a matter of fact wait why would i hate this these are just little little bichon frise cupcakes this is cute well maybe like take a bite into it it's got like a red is it like a red velvet cupcake so it looks like i'm biting into a like a flesh-filled creature what's going on maybe there's more to this cupcake than i don't understand so i won't judge all right has anyone ever seen this doll before oh no i have and i wish i hadn't [Laughter] yeah they look dry enough you sure put them through one more cycle i need to be like i don't like it when my clothes are damp in the middle like a hot pocket take it out of the microwave and it's cold in the middle i don't like that i don't like that for my clothes so give it to you one more cycle just in case okay son throw the dart and wherever it lands we'll do that okay then he throws it just yeah divorce it's all your fault son go to sleep and think about that you did this you you did this designers create these hyper realistic human flesh accessories and i've seen a couple of these and i think they're actually kind of neat like if you were gonna like i don't know do like a skin walker cosplay or something i feel like you could have these human accessories or i don't know i i don't know for what actual like aesthetic these would fit other than like a conversation piece but i think they're kind of holy hell he could take flight no wonder the hair lost ah yes the competition of the spork the food they've been at it for decades the sport being the more popular of the two plants i'm with my genitals in the air humans fragrant fragrant these nuts these plant nuts these legumes panasonic created a fridge that drives to you when called oh that's actually pretty cool though what do you think nat nope i do not want to get high one night and see my fridge chasing me i would dress it up as a little butler be like butt in the fridge just like a little clap one chocolate milk and have it hand delivered i would have it hand feed me with its robot hands then pet my head after oh oh i've seen this on a bizarre bub video i don't like this one at all this one gives me that i live alone man taken at a mcdonald's we thought our daughter was alone in this playground at the time the face on the left was not visible at the time i took this when she was asked who was next to her in the pic she replied that's my imaginary friend beto that's it the same beto running for office how do you get in there get him out he's got a campaign to run not he has a job as an imaginary friend on the side oh to be put through the glaze waterfall at the krispy kreme cover me head to toe in the glaze wait for it to harden and i'll move my fingers breaking free from my sweet confectionary prison but a man can only dream of such pleasures you really thought godzilla and king kong were fighters nah they're lovers look at that big smooch listen 20 bucks this campbell boy's yours please i just i need him gone all right i i can't i can't look at him anymore man he goes want some soup i never want soup and that's all he has is soup i can't i can't take it anymore no more from the campbell's boy i want some soup i got cream of mushroom this is a classic image um this is a classic can't kill me how many profile pictures of this handkill are there if your profile pictures of this hank hill comment below right now i want to see a chain of this profile picture just comment propane if you have this profile photo please be funny hold on to your butts he can do it he can do it but the t-rex oh but you don't gotta be salty about it man you just you lost one contest that's all all right everyone stand back billion dollar invention emergency hot dog that heats up when you crack it like a glow stick what do you think yeah um i've got a few comments if you're looking for criticism secret techniques for picking up hotties eye contact step one counter a hottie step two exchange a glance step three display the invitation step four eye contact and now that you've both exchanged eye soaring eye contact go ahead and give a smooch quick one you've bonded hey i made a human version of drapion i don't know if i said that pokemon's name right i'm sorry i'm not a not a i'm no i'm not professor oak i don't have to know all the names but you know that's horrifying this is that that the shiny version that's the human version imagine if instead of k-pop it was our pop and it's from russia and you had girls all over twitter being like stream and posting pictures like this and being like oh my god ivanovatovich looks so cute look at a little little [ __ ] where i put my switch [Music] i stand no no no you must have misread the label this ain't smokers this is frick this is stupid frick your jam for blueberry frick idiots all right use it eat it but don't ever call it smuckers jar field misa want lasagna oh no jello eggs pour jello in your deviled egg holder and put it in the fridge when set up put a little whipped cream in them that's a delicious i don't think that's bad i like that actually i don't hate that that's a fun little treat how can i be mad at that so here's how to find kentucky on a map okay i got the chev hat the head the shirt the pants at the boots the pan and right above its kentucky fried chicken right there you're welcome for that geography lesson rain rain go away come again another day oh yeah i'm sure kids i haven't seen you sit oh no i came again another day too late you know sometimes an eyelash gets into the eye and you blink and it disappears but where do they go maybe behind the eye sitting behind your stupid eyes maybe maybe it's there you think about that collecting eyelashes and then the back your eyes itchy but you can't scratch yeah dig a finger under your eye socket go ahead scratch the back of your eye pluck a ball out my mom got this loose leaf tea infuser that's a little man who sits in your cup and has diarrhea why she likes what i don't know but you know what it makes her happy and i love my mama i just don't understand how this happened but here's a picture of a lemon from my backyard what the ever loving f well when life gives you lemons make sacrifices tentacle lollipop i just wanted to show off what i consider to be one of my most realistic artworks take a bite get a surprise oh this is like uh what was it violence in michigan or something like that or possibly in michigan reminds me of the screaming butler from possibly in michigan hate it hate that very much here's a mike wazowski minifigure wait why am i supposed to hate this what does it do is it going it's just a mini figurine for 40 bucks i don't know i i can't i don't see what there is to hate about it someone help fill me in why do i hate why am i supposed to hate this you could stop by the three minecraft minecraft uh uh mob ladies what do you do you can't stare at him because the enemies get mad he can't stand still because the creeper will blow up with a skeleton will shoot you simply turn around and leave don't deal with the trouble also out of all three why is the creeper the only one wearing an outfit like the other two are wearing boots i get that also the creepers not wearing like green boots that's not even matching stupid if you're remodeling your kitchen put one of these in the empty space in the corner cabinet for the next guy that remodels another 10 to 15 years give them a good spook good scare vintage handbags modified with crochet mold by elon thomas and that's actually kind of cool the mold's not real it's crochet mold's not even all that scary there's some you can eat this is just a fashion statement and i can appreciate a fashion statement venice italy patrick starr see the similarities oh brock let milk first i thought it just said broccoli milk no that's broccoli which i think is actually worse [Laughter] pasteurized homogenized god-awful oh no it's just broccoli no it's milk flavored with broccoli juice okay so yeah it is broccoli milk i thought it was like chocolate and broccoli because that implies broccoli but i think i'm wrong there here's a c-3po with human eyes because i know you've all been wondering what c-3po would look like with human eyes so i've sorted that out for you and you i will not be paying for your therapy thanks i hate the alien cabbage farm it all looks so delicious though doesn't it oh i'm trying to figure out what's going on with the cards at first there was anything different but now it's just people throwing cards right into the parking spots which is the worst way to put your card away i talked about this in a different video but shopping carts are the ultimate tale of whether or not you follow laws because if you don't put this in the cart caddy you there's no one that's to tell you to you know it's not against the law it's completely by your own free will but if you don't do it i know what kind of person you are like you're the kind of person who like forges like you you make fraudulent checks i already know you you defraud the irs if this is how you put your shopping cart away a hundred percent 100 i'll bring you charlie you will yeah i mean just me and all the me and all the old people need to stretch out our weird gross coagulated veins anyway don't look at us we'll eat you we'll kill you that's just gross looking thanks i hate cheesecake and i've seen this image before so i'm kind of immune to the cheesecake i'm gonna be perfectly honest with you i'm not bothered by it get better material thanks i hate it and i've seen the chicken arms i'm i think you can't get me with that you can't corn oatmeal well actually let me think about that it's there for oh it looks like ugh you know what the more i look at it it's like tapioca and i don't like tapioca all right i'm going to go to the next house i'm going to puke now who is that bear who the hell is that are these croc suits the the the ladies in tactical mode if you look at her like she she's ready for everything peanut butter jelly sandwich that's a cursed image you know what hey good morning to everyone except the guy who put his pb j in reverse all right why he just he likes to have he likes the feeling in his hands [Laughter] i don't like danny trejo looking at me like that i prefer looking at me in any other way than that i'm not a fan of that's that stare diglett used scratch oh gosh i feel presentation is as important as the meal itself and that's why i did things like this thanks i hate this police vehicle disguised as a yellow cab from the rear looks like they couldn't make up their mind halfway through it's very strange looking just doesn't make a lot of sense wow i [ __ ] hated that holy sh especially the second one dude that looks like a monster i am not a fan oh look at it it's a drive partition god i don't know how i feel about seeing the drive cut into like that that makes me hurt but it is indeed a drive partition very funny very silly look at all these elevator buttons oh they're all out of order too i think we're missing a few numbers quite a few numbers in fact you know this is just a sloppy ass elevator and i've never seen one like this but there's always photos of these on reddit and i don't know if it's by intention or if they're just like finding these on in the wild oh oh i hate that oh oh no if england did video games about plumbers supermark well that is the worst thing i've seen in my life i don't know what to make a number 21 here so i'm just gonna go ahead and let you guys look at it for a little bit can you just get a five second appreciation for this game boy more fun than a ferret down your trousers what what do you mean what why are you stuffing ferrets down your pants you freak how about we just get this picture of guy fieri with normal hair to shatter your perspective of reality uh uh he looks like a real estate broker you know his caller's the same color as his jeans you know what that means it's a big one-piece suit you know what do you think about this frog you guys like this froggy what you think zelda was 20 years ago what zelda actually was 20 years ago damn really oh my god no they're absolutely correct dude video games are old as hell the good news we finally have solid confirmation on how gif is pronounced the bad news pronounced if no yes yes yeah no this is like the language equivalent of king solomon suggesting cutting the baby in half not a fan thanks i hate the hanging sculpture of circus acrobats at bay university pinned at the nipples global warming is a hoax the orcas did it again come here penguins top layer pure hot dog water jello middle layer hot dog water jello with chunks of hot dogs suspended in it bottom layer hot dog jello all layers hundred percent disgusting so if i'm a human what the [ __ ] is this a model of oh you know those who came before the crucial fourth ice cream bowl was lost at some point forever altering the vibe so now it's ice cream you scream we all scream which is perfect for 2020 and 2021 still going through i guess things are still downright down the train if you have bad cough take laxatives then you'll be afraid to cough don't want to fill your trousers do you you know wear diapers like a baby that's right don't cough rapper i got a t in every state me wondering how they're liquidating gasping oh what it's like how has he got pictures that are different states of matter right outback mage stro this place is chalkers with ripper material components cash that spells is gonna be a piece of piss magic shop attendant trembling sir i don't speak extra planner languages please just buy things and go i don't know what you're saying wow what the f am i looking at [Laughter] this is a banana this is a banana nah that's a banana chief it's me why do you always say it's uh me because i am one of many a single mario in an endless mario [ __ ] toad i dare you to tell me i dare you to tell me that peaches in another castle make my day hot moon oh i don't like that hot moon yeah i hate it you're welcome looks like a dry erase marker [Laughter] eats the lollipop zips it back up you may have captured me but i'll never tell you the secret launch codes tell me no no no mr bond with this mind projector you'll show me ah i'm prep i'm so pregnant james what i'll do with all this milk mr bond [Music] where'd she get out of the mind rejected just start sobbing mozart cinderella mozzarella am i right fox news shows news about foxes bbc news well i think we all know where this is going so i won't speak any further this nicholas cage is a cat i already know this is on some sort of scam website too all right everybody okay if i had a nickel for every time i got confused i'd be like where'd this nickel come from and then there'd be another nickel and i'd think what's with the nickels leading to more and more nickels and confusion and slowly i'd be crushed by nickels without ever knowing why and where'd this nickel come from just starts happening disney frozen olaf the snowman face paint tutorial jesus christ i've seen the gates of hell and it's painted his own love now oh oh no onions bring a new level of crunch to ben and jerry's a crunch that should never exist in a ben and jerry's you all rocky with the jan shorts it's got tons of tons of cargo room say people people in reality patent plants are actually farming us by giving us oxygen daily until we eventually decompose so they can consume us we're not the apex predators we thought we were thanks i hate bug to miss prime the scariest creepiest and crawliest transformer made of chica shells what the [ __ ] is that it is a procoptidon a procoptidon is an extinct gen genus of giant short-faced kangaroos oh yeah and it looks just like that wow these are horrifying what are you gonna ask santa for my mom says santa's not real my mom says you're not real oh no romance point of view that's the that's the perspective of love folks y'all ever get so bored you just decide to shave a strawberry take a bite i want to tell you how it tastes hey here's a hermit crab using a discarded doll head for a shell which is the the most cursed thing i think i've seen here thus far right next to the procoptidon that was terrifying too never tuck your shirt in again with the shirt onesie carefully handles your package and makes you look proper hey what are we having today sir i think we'll do a short and back on the sides and a number two on the top hey thank you thank you for the number two on the top especially i thought you'd forget gentlemen can i interest you in a strike kachowski yes thank you d shrimp the vein toss it in the trash [Music] full of nutrition in this house we believe bigfoot is real i am going to kiss him he will be my lover i will be the little spoon me and bigfoot will [ __ ] and you can't stop us rules in this house when you pull on that little bit of dead skin and more starts coming with it and that's what it feels like baby that's true that's life the light was broken in the guest room on the wall was a painting of a face i barely slept the next morning i saw the painting was actually a window oh no thanks i'm okay the sound of mom brought a friend home from the bar sounds like macaroni in a pot that's a wet a surname toad mother carries her young embedded in the skin of her back after mating the eggs sink gradually into the female's back and the skin pad forms over the eggs the froglets emerge over a period of days thrusting their head and forelegs out first then struggling free and that is your tripophobia triggered i guarantee it i love summer and not on my watch oh never mind and now i got malaria why do people get their fisting records tattooed i don't understand like why is that important let you know how hard we can go in the paint it'd be [ __ ] up if our teeth were always flashed but got hard when we ate yeah well you know i was having a good day till i read that i mean can you imagine trying to talk with waggling flaccid teeth flipping around your mouth like weird bone noodles right stop making it worse all right wait for bad to worse one sentence i actually really appreciate this thomas cake i haven't seen this before and this is pretty clever i i don't think this is a cake i think i'm just fat i think now that i look at it more i don't think this is a cake ticks can be the size of a poppy seed can you spot all five ticks in this photo learn how to prevent tick bites step one don't eat poppy seeds oh nice the rock toilets for the most uncomfortable session of pooping there has ever been that is that is a piss only toilet seeds germinating inside a tomato well that's actually kind of cool i like that i actually really appreciate that you want to mess with doug trio they're hands on asses at all times and now if your name defines your work here's a vasectomy specialist called dick chop nice improvised weaponry you know they beat jesus with that that's vegan bdsm equipment god that looks awful turning a wasp's nest into a gear shift knob i mean you could not do that there's so many things you could do but that the [ __ ] you discover scientists discovered winged spider i'm moving to mars what's this a sneak peek at super nintendo world's bathrooms feel even more immersed as you water these thirsty piranha plants pee in my mouth no pee in my mouth no i'm okay i don't think i want to pee in any of your mouths i think i'll piss my pants i think i'll piss my pants if you want pearly whites you gotta brush with a caterpillar it's the law and god if you don't i'll know there's three things in this world to make your teeth shine brighter than the brightest star that's floss daily use a good mouthwash and brush with caps white teeth whitening caterpillars you're welcome reddit it's my favorite crime fighting uh what did i even say for this what do i even say what do i even say for the tenderloin meat juicy burgers go ninja style i don't think i want to i don't know why that burger's popped up like that looks like a bucket hat bun i'm not a fan tell my child sit in my thinking chair i modeled it after your mother sit sit down in the chair let her thoughts consume it called the thinking chair didn't say who's thinking no i'm good i ain't gonna eat those cookies buddy i'm all right i'm okay i'm all right i think i can do without make your bones stronger with a fresh cup of cow juice go ahead get that juice papa want that juice a pre-cracked egg saves time with no messy hands finally he enjoy oh brook's going crazy he's been running back and forth he's had the zoomies you're a french bulldog you don't breathe right so when you run across then go really i can't feel bad for you that's just your breed it's like it's like i pushed down the soft spot on your face when you were a baby and that's just your bone structure now buddy i can't help it that's just what you look like anyway i for one am a big fan of the pre-cracked deck it's it's kept nice in a sealed container hey wait a minute that's a sealed container like a shell that egg's not pre-cracked you just give it a different shell i've been irrital baby yay wow i love your dress thanks it has pocket dimensions stop rifling throughout the picture with your giant hands please millions are dead i can never find my keys in these things just [Laughter] i love that lady she's like no it's my pocket it's got listen the dress has got pocket dimension and i am an evil god to these people okay no one said life was fair and that is why i am that i am the bane of these pocket dimension people's existences anyway i lost my keys and it is gigantic for them i don't like this candid donald painting like it's not a bad painting like design wise it is a beautifully done portrait wonderful artistic vision i just don't like his bigfoot me eyes don't like it dude forget a breakup doritos is changing their logo are you kidding me dude every like company is going for like the the seamless like we're going to uh uh like future where everything is chrome and we're starting with the logos where dorito i hate it looks like a like a gmod prop bag this doesn't look real does anyone know what to do with the lumps left over after you drink all the mozzarella oh homeboy you drank straight olive oil [Laughter] you're supposed to eat the mozzarella but seeing as you did not you could no no throw it around it's a game they're toys you get toys in your drink dude i am tired sick and tired of people saying dinosaurs existed here's what happened dum-dum there was an elephant in this really freaking hungry snake i'm talking so hungry that i ate that elephant in one bite like snakes do when they eat things all of a sudden you know it looks like a stegosaurus but it's not it's a snake just saying i've seen this photo a thousand times and i'm sure i'll see it a thousand more it doesn't it doesn't have any effect over me elmo wants a sorry elmo wants a nice sensual night where we cuddle and tell each other our deepest darkest secrets about the government and the truth who am i to say no just heard somebody say chips and fish i've never felt so irritated why don't you go fetch the [ __ ] pepper and salt from decking ant while you're at it oh now now now you're to uk now you've brought up ant and deck and now you've gone too too british let them stay there where they are hosting britain's got talent to being the funny comedic duo but the never ever be the peep show my children the flavor forest awaits mounted galloping it's guy deary was it guy deary that that the je i don't know i don't know what you'd call this is that spring monica damn i didn't know what they were gonna do for for the expansion pack of doki doki literature club but this is crazy this version of spring trap is now canon the scott coffin willed it before he retired rick just chews on everything he gets his hands on wires cords he looks at me like what's wrong you know what's wrong check out my fursona really stubby right arm muscular left arm business cat i will take care of you john just keep me fed i become a real kitty when i don't have my boobs i don't know if brick's snoring picked up in that but just keep it i'm not doing that over store your loved one's ashes in a 3d printed urn in the shape of their head if it moves the house is haunted move out immediately move out immediately if the head moves you must smash the urine that's the rule the four horsemen of horsemen we got grill boy minotaur mintar taro men pick your fighter oh no now i said i wanted natural lighting in the house but this is ridiculous like the one person peeking out in the far left window there the second row windows they're like i don't know how i got here but i'm in the house now dear god oh that is grotesque who made this who turned ren and stimpy into cringe and creepy what happened i don't like this one bit like i admire the detail work it's fantastic this is a mask holy [ __ ] but otherwise ew dude montana and idaho looks like someone's whispering pov you're idaho and i'm montana hey how you doing i know you're making potatoes over there but i got a question why why are you idaho oh you just met just growing spuds that's it you've heard of jorts you've heard of jackets you've heard of jean shorts you've heard of jean jackets get ready for jandals okay i don't think there's anything greater than a pair of jandals in the whole world beneath my feet oh thanks i hate jelly bear transparency why'd you show me it i hate it very much a 1 million piece jigsaw puzzle come on kids let's play assemble grandma from her ashes if resurrector we get three wishes hey y'all remember john and terry right oh indeed i do indeed i do that kooky old tario is getting jammed into trouble thinking about how in latin vesuvius is pronounced vesuvius mount wisus is a wupting don't get buried by the ash and really hot lava everybody evacuate share your families play to whatever gods you still worship free while you still can we do this one more time but in a deep voice as if i was in uh in pompeii this happened imagine you're uh okay thinking about how in latin vesuvius is pronounced wasulius imagine this following dialogue from like the chief of pompei he's like mount wasulius is a whopping don't get bowied by the ash and wheelie hot lava everybody evacuate share your families play to whatever gods you still worship free while you still can [Laughter] stupid a few days ago i woke up thinking snails are cute but what if they had legs and so i made this and i was like oh yeah such a funny animal and then a second image popped up in my head what if they act like dogs yeah happy puppy snail yeah happy puppy snail oh no not to have puppies hey the fire's getting cold can you drop a log onto these um okay oh i think a good fart noise don't know why you wanted this but there you go honey fresh log on the open fire oh hell yeah a flavor boost oh is this for mac and cheese what the [ __ ] oh actually i might try that that sounds banging like not this one but the butter chicken one right next to it i actually try that at this point every round mammal is a hamster to make coconut i think we both have different definitions of what mammal is but i can't say i disagree with you as hair give milk man coconut coconut hamster coconut hamster hey kid you ever wanted to see mario's upper lip take a good look it's a him the rib of light taken from the michelin man thank you sir now we can get on with our day why is the michelin man smoking a stogy i just noticed that what's going on with that good life nut burgers i'm vegan i'm tasty i'm full of nut nut burger you're so cute bud i wonder what you'd look like as a person oh that's what you like okay thanks another one i've seen all the time this one doesn't get me like it used to i actually the first time i saw this image wasn't a vsauce thumbnail so this has been around forever you can't get me with this try harder 1960s 2000s 2020s 2040s 2060s the transition has completed 2080s it begins again a cycle it knew how to correctly eat pringles one let's stand for two to three hours two rinse off all those nasty spiders three peel away its dead metallic shell four with your dominant hand activate your secret thumb you'll want to get a real good grip on those bad boys fine with your pathetic hand dislocate crowman's lock this is the joint makes your mouth so small useless six you've reached full potential i knew you could do it you're so smart and beautiful enjoy a good snack and that's how it's done i've seen this one too i'm pretty sure this is like a 3d as designer did is this the same guy that designed the realistic edna eddy because he is a crazy talented 3d artist love his stuff fresh bloat active decay advanced decay dry risk this is actually kind of sick not even a front this is cool this is cool looking all things must and ross please oh he has he has six hands for the for the no why is there a hole in the spam what'd you do what'd you do with the spam be honest i won't be disappointed but i will be disgusted what happened sloths only urinate and defecate once a week said schwartz who schlott a little too close to another ass to another fella and that guy's all about business so when the floodgates open it's a big production she said because constipation is the norm for sloths each bowel movement is a bit like giving birth i love how i reach schlott and i'm like who schlatt what well snap hey welcome to hell it's not so bad here snap whoa dude welcome to burger king would you like to try our oreo milkshake that sounds nice our ice cream machine is down snap boop snap this is the bottom dude no there's gotta be more there's got to be more move over spice girls make way for the spice growls coming to a musical event near you i want to make art but i don't know how to get started take your hand pencil in the hand sit down look at the paper you're good to go okay i'm gonna draw a call for help who made this who did this this made me angry eat your chocolate macaroni and drink your cup of cheese i keep pressing the wrong key on my keypad so i glued a bunch of teeth on it now i can differentiate by touch while i work oh or you can just learn how to use your keyboard correctly but i guess that works oh bother i'm dummy thick the clap of my ass cheeks alerted the bees and they want to know what's going on with that dumpy the baby tires are unstoppable once you've released one baby tire more will follow four baby tires is a pack eight baby tires a squad watch out know the difference oh the scent of baby the baby peed hate it i hate that it's got it's sitting like an oath at the very bottom but it arches its back to rise to power at the top it's a it's a escalation and i don't like it dude look at this styling ass unicorn no pants though really living lawless running in flip-flops just a quick slide oh no absolutely not that is not what happens oh not right through the foot meat no that is not an accurate representation of what happens when you slide in slides why usb keeps changing yeah what about the fourth one there what's that one doing moaning i don't like it i guess i'll just take off my sweater you like what you see been kept under wraps for 20 years do you want to wear this dress like i do dude you got such a strong chin this man can this mannequin is an enforcer that's why that's why the arms are gone it comes to life at night with arms it was too dangerous yo come sit down with me at the crustacean station talk about our favorite crabs for me it's gotta be eugene [Laughter] my cousin is an orange tree this one came out different kill it kill it with fire is that the alien from alien versus predator hey real quick when i sw can we not can we not do one of those meme sensors can we just do like a like a for something like a like a modest sensor i don't know i feel like that would feel like that would change it up a bit from our usual diatribe of uh is that even the right word diatroph sorry i think i meant diatribe no it's not diatribe where did i even learn hold on where did i learn this word all right ignore what i said just i think i think if we did a funny like a like a like a like a classic sensor like maybe just like mute the word or something that'd be a it would catch their it would catch people off guard they'd be like what it wasn't a was it a baby cry or a jackoff sound that's weird anyway i think it's a leviathan no didn't you read the top it's an orange tired of people not knowing how to read tooth fairies are a smaller and friendlier subspecies of the larger and much more hostile bone fairies thank you for this bespoke nightmare bro forget that how much money do i get for a femur under my pillow because i got a collection do they operate the same you get a thousand dollars what if people wrote author notes and essays like people do in fanfics author's note oh my god here comes the thesis statement author's note almost at the minimum word requirement this was so hard professor shut up and right idiot me me sorry i was sweating a little bit i fell down the stairs today trying to get brick back inside because he was like i think i will run outside when i opened the door um i was grabbing some food and he just ran right out um and i was like i was polite at first i was like break come on man quit clowning around get back in and he was like no i don't think i will and started to walk down the stairs and then he turned around and looked at me and i bent down to go pick him up and he was like just kidding and ran down the stairs and at some point between him running and me trying to like scoop him up i took a tumble down the stairs like funny family guy styled i landed right on my shoulder and knee so that's been sore for the last few hours and it's been making me sweat getting the the ouchy herdy sweats anyway hey opie i'm proud to announce that i'm legally allowed to kill you now can we just get a quick round of applause for astronomifier congrats you're so happy hope you uh make it quick and painless by continuing using this site you agree to share your cookies uh yeah sure whatever fool you shared your cookies with me the cookie monster hey thanks i hate human-faced gummy bears it makes them real i don't know if i'm going to be able to do a winnie the pooh voice that would be appropriate for this but i'll i'll i'll i'll just give it a shot i guess [Laughter] no no i'll do it my way god you know what would go so good with this honey a little bit of ham [Laughter] who's my honey roasted ham who was it normally piglet i'm stuffed with fluff today i'm stuffed with ham marilyn hansen i don't get this joke but uh yeah i would rather not have marilyn manson look at me so i'm just gonna i'm just gonna scoot right back i don't uh bozo bozo bozo alerts going off let's get it past that post oh thanks i hate this sandwich an arby's roast beef a roast burby oh i mean they have the meats so whoa i hated that this actually gave me the heebie jeebies holy sh whoa this made me gas person this is so cool man is this a mask or is this just a 3d art piece that is crazy oh bro that activates my fighter flight i did not expect to see something like this that is nuts whoa man that made me like shiver oh damn damn's hot banana water this was my grandmother's recipe she made us eat it many fond memories and you know it was just it was an easy recipe to follow six quarts of water and 12 banana peels and bam bam thank you ma'am that's hot banana water take man apply to bird skeleton art mom look it's the queen man hello would you like some cream and he's like he squeezes it into a cone thank you queen man if only i had some berries for this cream but i don't know where the berry man is holy [ __ ] is that joe bama this isn't even a thanks i hate it i just joe bama is a funny looking meme i like it this is great i'm gonna post a crop piece of an image that i know will invoke a strong probably negative emotion in you without even having to see the whole image ready say it say it oh you know what i know you speak that lightning mcqueen's all about speed but i think they took it slow i think um thanks i hate my wi-fi speeds it's gonna take 13 days to download cs go see us no nothing like some bananas and ketchup to start the morning off right i bet this guy after he showers too hey kids i hope you don't eat the cookies before lunch time no don't move he can't see us if we don't move kids don't let his friendly exterior fool you barney is still a t-rex and he will eat you oh a knitted skeleton great that's actually i know this took a lot of time this is really cool choose your favorite hello kitty pikachu that one i think i think other than the angry bird is the purple one from fun run y'all remember that iphone game fun run i feel like it's from that zoo guide careful the llama spit me okay llama step off son don't cry to mama skeet your new daddy's a llama me holy this llama's got bars anyway let me continue lobster ice cream butter base ice cream with real chunks of lobster two scoops please exciting ideas from cnn travel you know this is a nightmare i'd rather be put in the luggage hole and have sit like this on a plane i mean me and my listen me and three of my best bros getting on a plane we playing footsies with each other the whole flight this majestic mentor half man half another man oh i hate this i hate this so much and i want everyone to see it see how much i hate this mantar if england did video games about plumbers oh it's mock wow that is the worst thing i've seen in my life thank you thanks for mark we all know what mark she's jealous of me because i can play mr bright's side using nothing but armpit farts ah not true i'll do it right now please don't marriage counselor visibly excited you could express yourself freely here brandon i can't make armpit fart sounds but i'm i'm i'm picturing you you keep picture it in your head right sounds so cool i make masks and this is one of the few that i made with a 3d pen glue and a 3d printer and it is the most horrifying one you could have shown me thank you for this points gun your money are your life me sure thing hands in my id you got two kids who didn't actually understand the matrix hey no i mean me already running away you're late for steph's recital and he started anew skeletons aren't scary we're filled with this pulsing oozing meat and y'all think the skeletons are scary the meat's scary the meat yeah i know it's midnight and this tweet's giving me a heart attack fear the meat i don't know why i became like venom mixed the arby's guy but that was that that was what i chose to do with that voice someone's been sleeping in my bed said mommy bear who hasn't muttered daddy bear what you want to do this now in front of the kid really really daddy bear dude i loved growing up with the internet in the early 2000s i played flash games i took care of neopets i saw beheading a video when i was 12. i made friends on myspace it was great [Laughter] get no no one's going to tailgate you with that that is horrifying i love it excuse me i'm trying to eat that feeling when you go out for a quiet meal and some the next table starts painting you seems like they're all disturbed in their own different way but can we talk about the guy in the far back who also saw it going on and is smiling he's who he's who i really want to talk about he's the scariest one jack walton looking mofo oh thanks i hate snot popsicles break them off use them as [ __ ] i'm sorry i referred to reading as spreading book cheeks but i will do it again it's the only way i can describe it now rtx off that's just steve from minecraft rtx on that's an abomination that was sent from hell rtx off just steve from minecraft rtx on never sleep again your choice yeah i'll have the chef salad please excellent choice sir i'll be right back with your dish the customer demands your salad chef no please my wife made me this good salad welcome to the service industry chef it's all downhill from there warnings graphic sex swearing french oh god not french anything but the french bonjour omelet du famage sorry for scaring you guys there didn't mean to yo the disembodied portable airway mannequins did you mean listen there's a very obvious joke i could make here and i'm not gonna do it i ca i it's right there for me the shot is lined up i would get a hole in one not in you know you know what i'm saying and i could put my one in that hole but i'm not going to it's too easy oh no a hangnail and that's how the titans are made i didn't want to spoil it for you guys but that's that is real that's that's canon let's do something really scary we could go to bed early and be alone with our thoughts pops knows what's truly terrifying you know the worst part of a belly button face is you you can't eat skittles yeah hey what the actual [ __ ] i mean they have a good point lumpy space lion that is probably the most negative part of having a belly button face is i can't taste the rainbow clifford is a very adventurous dog have a good day when he comes back i give him a wash silly clifford oh good silly old clifford the bane of sailors everywhere oh something about clifford coming in and uh the reason he's red it just hit me the reason clifford's read it's not because it's his fur because he that's a lot of how many people were on that boat that doesn't look like that boat would fit that many people that was not the only stop that clifford made i think that's what's most concerning anime characters really be like i did 20 thousand squats a day for three years and now the clap of my ass cheeks can propel me forward through time i'd watch that i mean i can do that so i know what it's like you know and that's gonna do it for our slash thanks i hate it and i hope you guys enjoyed today's video if you did be sure to leave a like down below and subscribe for more content daily and until next time my name is damian you've been watching daily and i'll be seeing you

Channel: DeeLee

Views: 2,556,353

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% true stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, ez pz, reddit funny

Id: I4Noffen3SM

Length: 81min 15sec (4875 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 03 2021