ALL OF r/COMEDYHEAVEN

[Music] you look like robert downing jr i don't know how buddy i am not obama ask me anything i mean hey you asked him if he's obama he told you straight up that's it it's in his name you're stupid michael for asking that it's in his name for crying out loud bambi's mother goal to protect and raise bambi failed [Music] next time filling my pc oh i saw this video yeah dude filled his pc with beans then got a repairman to come fix it and he's like he peels up the cases like there's beans inside this pc i don't know what kind of pc manufacture i don't know who put beans inside of here it's just beans [Music] this is beans inside i don't know what's going on fix it eat the beans eat the beans i hired you you know burger king's been making a lot of hot takes recently i think this one's scalding hot people in animal suit will not be tolerated at our stores go to other restaurant beast man no fur man in burger king moldova that's the policy [Laughter] to my fans thank you for being loyal and patient i can't finish the album because there's a bee in the studio we'll just kindly ask her to finish up her single and leave okay beyonce's not that difficult to talk to you can't talk to bee like that man i just saw being really thought of beyonce because everyone calls her queen bee so i was like i can make that joke it smells like oranges the person me big freaking orange i love citrus he tried to behind looks so satisfied with himself he's like ah yes finally my growth hormone orange the seeds will break your teeth be sure not to touch them my homie big slime flow through the stairs not big slime oh his face looks so distraught too i'm gonna zoom up on his face never trust the stairs i know man i lost a testicle in a motorcycle accident recently made this in blender as a memorial to my lost little guy [Music] oh he lost his brother sorry man it's my first time with a blind man you'll like it dear god my husband's home hide her to the bed am i hiding no maybe in spirit complete the sentences to show how you feel about bugs bugs make me feel fine when i see a bug i say nothing complete the picture to show an expression you might make when you see a bug kind of impressed a bug huh i got an exoskeleton too pal hey cargo space no car no do that car no fly car 23 000 hey uh you still got the 2004 chrysler crossfire for sale is that still available yeah it is okay were you interested nah that's what as you saw that bum ass car for sale once you hear any sucker bought your scam car i'm eight years old today eight years old and still can't spell this is why america needs education reform i'm a cat okay i don't care go get a proper education stupid cat excuse me ma'am what would you like to donate to my charity maybe what's it called oh it's for good cause oh okay but the name of it you just yell at me type c for fast charging c nah that's not how it works that's why we don't invite you to things hi i'm dean the perfect gentleman warm and passionate can we chat no i used to be the perfect gentleman i'm the perfect bad boy because you don't want to chat it up with me dean bjard whatever apple 15 inch macbook pro retina touch bar 2.9 gigahertz blah blah blah blah one star we have been full well we've been full open it to expect a laptop but got clays hey this apple macbook feeling heavy oh it's clays again doctor we had to remove your coal at me why i don't know that'd be funny for goof jackie chan's official facebook my fans are so creative this is what i look like as a cookie yum hey i want to say yum man as he was a cookie well hello little gummical what's your name copper 2 sulfate oh would you like to adam can't wait to eat this succulent and sweet corn and it's only four for one dollar don't be like adam he can't buy it with the employee discount but you could with our discounts four for one dollar unbelievable ireland will be the first country in the world round of applause for ireland good job first country in the world apply for a credit card free watermelon oh so i gotta pay for this car i gotta pay for this watermelon i gotta ain't got no credit card some days you win other days you drop a family size lasagna on your favorite pair of shoes today was not a win the best workouts for abs the navasana the russian twist and death which is the best ab workout it's one time workout though can't do it more than once what's the game that best describes you what about you destiny 2 oh no destiny 2 he did it he knows it you approach a lonely crab he appears to be weeping you can either seduce him or devour let me know which option you choose in the comments hey congratulations to the two winners of the doggo drawing contest remember the winner of this contest was chosen through likes that is why first place is what it is philadelphia dunkin donuts robber spotted stretching beforehand and he was just getting some calisthenics in he had to stretch his body out man gotta stretch it out for him rob this donut shot unique bald eagle on branch collector's item flaming hot cheeto i just read the words flaming hot cheeto my mouth is salivating right now all righty i'd pay a thousand dollars for that cheeto i really would i'm not gonna lie to you guys probably tastes amazing figure 2.1 shows the earth i mean this is also technically the truth i would expect this entanglement this isn't comedy heaven to me can raccoons and cats be friends a raccoon and a cat can be friends but they can also be enemies so i'm just i want you to be aware of that because it could have a bad situation on your hands y'all he could be enemies i don't know this skateboarder just became the first woman in history congratulations we didn't have them before you i freaking hate high school the older kids at school made me do the fortnite dance and shout go white boy go why why i can't even do the fortnite dance i can't do it i don't got feet like that drew my fursona which is a fox are you right with constructive criticism i don't want to sound mean no go ahead i want to hear it it sucks that's not constructive criticism it's just that's not hardly criticism at all you lied to me you know what that means sick my fursona on you you still haven't done your taxes no judgment you're putting off filing because i'm committing tax fraud that doesn't seem like a good idea you can't tell the crime pickle what isn't is it a good idea i'm the crime i'm a crime pickle my salinity is off the charts i turned myself into a hey you free today hell yeah yeah where do i live live in america why why wouldn't i be free [Laughter] you're telling me i'm not free in america you're out of your damn mind game boy advance full of beans like new probably doesn't work because it's full of beans no lowball offers i know what i have beans i have beans this text conversation is related to a doordash order hey diodale cena lasagna lasagna fish garfield they're all out of that you want like a pasta or something a spaghetti noodle 10 reasons why a german might be staring at you number one you're at the foot of their bed that's why you're staring at it excuse me i'm a bit a nice guy who respect you i love seeing girls play xbox instead of shopping and being bisexual so feel free to add me i'm a nice guy play xbox don't be bisexual that's what i always say uh saya11 [Music] oh my god this gamer score is crazy was she what she liked was she like shopping and being bisexual though [Laughter] this text conversation is related to a door dash order i am hungry your food what god hey hey dream it was remember oh man i've seen twitter posts where the doordasher is like hey i'm gonna lie you lucky man it's food good as the hell like wait how do you know that and the tune just responds low and he gets his food a big bite taken out of it oh i'm having way too much fun right now y'all i'm i'm going through something my grandma just texted me this your car is on fire grammy april foul thanks grandma here's your hairstyle charts let me go through all of them you could have the shorn calf the delicate beast the iron triangle the brigadier the orb hunter the regulator's nephew the eucharist the dumfries darkness the shame reaper my personal favorite the permanent war economy samson's last wish or the child which hairstyle will you choose please choose permanent war economy often think about this moment from my parents wedding video where the cameraman just zoomed in on a plate of ham he was hungry don't judge him he was hungry say hi to the new galaxy note hi hi galaxy note only six hours until my birthday hey wait hold on is this well this is the house of representatives of the philippines wait hold on huh hey i mean at least they're wishing them happy birthday ouch hey why are you saying ouch i stubbed my toe okay but that's nothing to do with the video it hurt please ask if i'm okay are you okay henry demar henry from i hate the baby from ice age wanted dead reward awards 10 million thank yous where are you i [ __ ] up how i went to india not indiana just tell me you don't love me no i'm not i'm not [Music] [Laughter] what the how do you [Music] it feels like something i do on accident as well i relate to my man skeezy illinois coven 19 hotline now we're gonna look at this guy's shirt it says suck my i'm irish and i'm feeling lucky what's the biggest planet on earth jupiter's thank you do i look like justin bieber no imma just give it to you straight dog you don't look like justin bieber you look like a code lyoko character kelsey acting normal dot dot dot the real kelsey sends a little more flair twist the gorilla nipple she keyed my boots because i don't have a car where's my life right now she keep my lamborfities my chevrolets she did what she had to do man don't blame her kidney failure i'm so sorry jamie bull buy and sell on hamilton looking to purchase a kitten under ten dollars must be in mint condition i have a black baby i'm looking for a kitten but thanks but thanks like uh maybe another time [Laughter] not looking for any children just a cat no it is a kitten oh all right well i'll be with you shortly eye opening what each one dollar of your income tax money pays for it all goes to lasagna research oh my god old people try lean for the first time oh you knocked cramps out why why would you do this to him shoulder surfing an observer watches you from a nearby location as you punch in your pin number at an atm machine or while you're using your laptop in an open area got him look out for that look over that shoulder surfer you'll never see him coming don't worry about the the foliage making wrestling sounds hey yo could the owner of the gargantuan bronze london head please move out of parking space 7b as we have very important produce deliveries arriving shortly i don't know where how you got this in pyongyang in the first place but can you just get him out of here oh what do you got to say linus tech tip computer he did it figure eight two moles per liter but do they want to be in there do they want to share that leader i don't think so at the red lobster i will have the red lobster okay we ain't got it you what i think my uber i think my uber driver is in trouble hey you good hi oddway i'm lost how did this happen dinesh tell me how you in the how are you in the water you want a boat danish pollen death star any questions how could nobody love me any questions about the pollen the invisible man one star rating but it was a good movie oh i see you could see the man who fought world war ii japan germany maurice or italy oh i think all of them did actually soldier returns from a three-year mission and finally meets his geforce gt610 oh he's he's outdated to hell man tell him to get a new one just cracked my neck a little bit our new shrek play area is ready for the children including friends like cat and shoes biscuit guy an unpleasant mule go go ghost ahead of shrek hey drew it's brendan fraser from the movie george of the jungle just wanted to stop by and wish you a happy birthday thanks but it's not my birthday i was also in mummy remember that one my kids have attended this school for three years and we love it here i found the majority of teachers are excellent oh sorry i don't want to i don't want to finish reading your review this one survey was catching my eye though one star my son was karate chatted and threw up by a naruto wannabe well you know what maybe he should have fought back that's why he got one like maybe he should have been the sasuke it was naruto 10 things nasa doesn't want you to know moon boy this homeless guy found my mom's phone and keeps facetiming me telling me he's my new dad hey shannon shadows at you look at me hey look at me i'm gonna do dad he's looking down like yeah whatever man whatever dude my man was in a relationship with nicole pod uh prado for what looked like a day never mind she cheated you know i'm sorry man the subway i've been waiting here for hours and still no train get a hold of someone things i got for christmas a new laptop your nose nice got my nose for christmas hope that honker suits you bro jesus your bmi indicates you are obese so i suggest that you focus on watching what you eat to lower this value whatever so you don't like the body of christ huh god speed no no no no god peed hey pepsi tastes like soap what kind of soap do you use clint pepsi you know just looks like it could turn into soup [Laughter] take a look your front door camera spotted a person at 2 37 p.m it's just a dapper looking fella wants to sell you something like this is a tender moment and all let's look at the guys on the far left here trying to take a photo he opened up the front-facing camera oh no what could be the pitch for ed liddell inventor of the barbecue chicken pizza rest in pieces oh only three things about him early life pizza and death oh my god it's clearing the lease no pets are allowed in the apartment sorry what a nice little guy okay i'll make an exception because he looks very polite yeah in 2002 pope john paul ii requested that media stop referring to the car as the pope mobile saying the term was undignified but it's the pope mobile kill them all slowly and painfully the artist wrapped at a 2004 anti-us protest concert is wait did psy really say that hold on oh my god he did say that no way you know sign really said that what sorry that's like blowing my mind right now i'm kind of astonished i've been trapped in this movie theater watching rang over the past 10 years they won't open the door and i haven't gotten any new snacks i'm surviving purely off of water and the popcorn if i did between the seats a little bit a little bit of ice water the water melted from ice the best and worst rat of the week who better to say this than me the best rat is chris chris settled in really well with his new cage mates it always races to the door to say hello to people the worst rats maurice he's just a real [ __ ] give me more of these i like this more of these please dog looked a baby's head i saw it the baby was bald uh how how exactly was this a shower thought i remembered it in the shower that's how here's my uh science science fair exhibit how much sawdust can you put in the rice krispie treat before people notice the answer is not above 30 sawdust brand new never been worn engagement ring girlfriend fell off a cliff of dead on impact 14 karat 66 can't i'm point 66 ct i don't know what ct stands for i'm guessing count 2.66 count a thousand is a steal of a deal we got to get we got to get a putty knife to scrape my girlfriend off the off the pavement so just please can we come on make a deal with me what is a person from london called my neighbor's from london he's called rob oh they all called rob can you help rocco get home no fair enough oh actually yeah there's no way for you to is this the same or different person well that is that is some pasta hi are you still selling that mercedes car yeah can you send a photo here you go no i mean in the car i just wanna i'll you know i wanna see what you look like if sexy benedict crime than i am arrest obamani dashing bastard ah this boy's vague statement indicative of an expressive language problem does not convey the danger urgency of their situation well the shark looks friendly sounds like there's there's a problem anyway so excited for season three which show bill hey please respect my privacy chris just i'm excited for season three [Laughter] what's the name of my food i want to eat them but forgot how they're called i can't ask anyone since i'm alone uh shrimp oh my god yes thank you i was wondering what they were called dear men please stop wearing sneakers this is not a drill butt feed shut hell up if i want to wear a sneaker i will what's wrong with wearing sneakers i don't get it do plants sneeze hypothesis plants probably sneeze experiment feathers pepper feet conclusion plants don't sneeze i like that that was a fun science experiment how often would you like to get updates about beef stroganoff daily weekly a few times a month a few times a year or only if something big happens like what what what what what big thing could happen in the world of beef stroganoff take one it's a bag of sprite we got our wrath in the local mcdonald's it's crispy the fastest boat well that's steve he's currently the world's fastest boat with a water speed record of an eye watering 317.6 miles per hour that's steve your username is how you die how do you die ocean swimming i'm so sorry mexican school simulator i've i've lost my tacos can you help me find them oh no why is it rated 18 why is it 56 megabytes i don't care if she's a tape dispenser i love her hey yo you can't make love to a tape dispenser it's got serrated edges i just want to let it do that right now snail man i'm looking for my son is he there hi debbie if you go to our website you can contact your local target i have no son oh well we're sorry to hear that debbie don't know what happened between the time that we wrote that and you replied but bobby has four dimes amy has 30 pennies which child has more money bobby how do you know show your thinking oh he's thinking about bobby french school asks parents to stop throwing children over the fence when they're late well they gotta get in the class somehow don't they 2018 2019 oh hey can i get the original version please without the shipping trying to figure out what this is supposed to say do not touch oh well why'd you put it in braille he wouldn't now he feels like stupid guy doesn't he i'm sorry man how to find out how old is a tree if you know when the tree is planted you can easily and accurately determine its age well yeah but i don't know what it was planted how am i supposed to know that turkeys are bright social animals who enjoy being pet just ask demi lovato i don't think i want to ask her uh what is your gender please select one male female i have no plans to purchase a new vehicle i'm that third one because i don't i really don't vote or die lebron i'm only 12 i can't even vote dude and i don't want to die what the heck lebron should clarify on your shirt man child eats whole watermelon including rind at cricket match that's how you know cricket's boring as hell that this dude was able to go there and show a crazier thing than what was going on the qriket match hey you want this playstation 5 you gotta dry it off first but fifteen hundred dollars a whale blasted an ungodly amount of assham all over some divers it was a 100 foot wide poop nato the wheel's smiling look he knows what he's doing what rhymes with orange no it doesn't oh got you there dude what everyone else sees a baby cobbled up what if you see a crunchwrap i want to be put into a coma is it possible yes thanks for asking thwack [Laughter] we'll see you in two months hi this is micropost we have difficulties getting you on the xbox database we require email and password to get you back on our database uh well let's learn to spell at school.com and pass this stupid kid oh my god you actually fell for it have fun getting hacked be in for rude awakening what do you mean it doesn't work tfw that face when you find out it's monday bro why is this in my trash can he wanted you to know when it's monday when you find out it's monday all right he just wanted to help you find out and show you his face what it is monday would you trade it for a riding mower you could pick it up in league city hello if i understand correctly you would like to trade a riding more for a 19 000 car and we will have to come pick up the mower yes is it made of gold no it's red no i think no the president the president of indonesia looks like the asian obama it's just a barack obama reskin you should have known that hi this is doordash canadian to your dash for updates about your order [Laughter] sorry sorry homie not doing this order getting paid 3.7 or some miles isn't gonna happen lmfao screw you i'm not coming over there for no three dollar ass burger now you really ain't getting nothing eat some noodles why didn't harry potter drink liquid luck and then go kill voldemort oh cause he's a dumb ass he doesn't have that kind of brain power me at home me at balls nice melvin joined the clan melvin i help you die from heart failure chip dip what the hell man you made melvin leave the clan uh it's just chip dipping his hazing open me if you're reading this screw you dumb ass hey you told me to open you the year is nine some motherfu be touching couch and oh boy he's about to invent cereal i beg your pardon beg go ahead i blow up my neighbor lily's just standing like hot dale the mortar just being shot towards his feet hey come on we think how about you service your atms in bunbury so punters like me will not have to tape fish to them so you'll have no choice but to come and fix them i have more fish and tape and willpower than your entire organization fix them now i will keep taping these fish to your atms i am crying thought you were a good person i have never begged anyone like this before please just a photo of your lips and that's it please oh my god you are down nuclearly he's down nuclear you still haven't done your taxes i mean no judgment you're putting off filing because why i'm committing tax fraud that doesn't seem like a good idea this is like the fifth time i've seen this post and the crime people keeps getting away with it i turned myself into a pickle morty this is why everyone loves rory he is so sick he told everyone he was taking a bath in our hotel and everyone thought he was joking then we all walked into his room and there he was in the bath one of the biggest legends i've met i'm with paul by the way is paul the dude in the black looking off into space who took the photo good old rory scrub it up in the bath sale 29 bananas please please buy bananas i mean they're normally 55 cents a pound i can get so much potassium this is a deal the only word in the english language that contains every letter of the alphabet is cabbage can we uh can we fact check that just not sure if it's uh i just need to check its source i can't even avocado it's okay not a lot of us can't uh some of us can have vodka do but avocado it's a different story yo these shoulda never gave me that 1400 lmao welcome to the family carl me my camel wait carl's got a got a wagon with him he got a free wagon too did you know lion wood carving sculpture don't scroll without a like well how could i first ever picture taken of a black hole in a visible light spectrum no this is a cat do you see a tail do you see ears maybe even some eyes and a nose no that's a black hole super rare crunchy cheeto the beatles walking man with arms behind back for one thousand dollars which is approximately uh one thousand dollars buy it now maybe add to basket not until i make an offer and hey look it's got 100 positive feedback i wonder how that's happening it's one chip happy black date all good morning what is computer that's what i'm reading my written memes on mama papa brother custom mary grimace dab dance from wikipedia the free encyclopedia contest origins popularity illegality and saudi arabia well how did it get banned why did they ban the dab halo 3 rats of a dark secret you probably didn't know about and you'll never know either the rats listen they're all they're all good hard working rats don't they're dark secret they have a nine to five make ends meet is that such a problem i am selling my paintings i am leonardo da vinci 22 grandson i learned this from ancestry.com i have his eyebrows and nose give me an offer for a piece of art leonardo is also my idol i'ma offer you a piece of advice go back to the drawing board but i do like the one oh cut the pink the cut the pink and the white that one's very fun first preserved dinosaur butthole is perfect and unique paleontologist says this was a multi-purpose hole i don't like that phrase this drawing shows how the dinosaur uh silicosaurus may have used its collecal vent aka butthole for signaling during courtship [Applause] you know there was a reason why the meteor hit right where that meteor struck earth all those years ago it's because of the colloidal event rest in peace grandpa i love you and miss you very much not distort bot no bugger ten dollars i mean if that's your stream don't know goal i'll get you a bug rip 2015 was a crazy year in 2015 someone did a poop so bad oh didn't they because it was me you may be thinking oh jeebs some monty help that guy is drowning fear not he uses his gills to breathe underwater so some bondi need not help dom a seagulls i'm only as 2 000 views deserves more in my opinion show me these stupid stupid seagulls thank you scientists have taught spinach to send emails and now these send uh scam letters and fishing links never trust spinach is that barbecued everberg oh it's a [ __ ] bird ah my favorite how old are you 23. oh really well that user already exists change it write as many words with the same pattern [ __ ] like truck okay we got luck buck duck tuck muck the f word yuck and stuck yeah what's the what's that what's that one right there the f word doesn't count you have to say it write it out write it out professional delicious hot dog in tots simple fast and satisfying five stars from chad farmer oh my yellow chitchlett driving his car lol he can't drive he has nice food i see nom nom nom burp nom nom nom nom that made me hungry look like enjoying that food perfect timing what do you mean this is just a foot doing uh gymnastics how's this perfect timing perfect timing of what well my fortune cookie death what's my lottery numbers back our newest winner lin snow won her free cremation at this year's bangor senior expo 2015. it's good to know that she'll be in an urn sometime soon fine dining is a fine mess kitchen nightmares all right we'll just pop over in the description oh my god french onion soup is french onion soup is french onion soup is french onion soup is french onion soup french onion soup is french onion soup is french onion soup all the way down are you okay gordon go check on gordon i think this french onion soup sent them into a spiral remember them try not to gasp when you see what they look like now sorry i did it i gasped sorry the official gumby store friends with ben gumpy are you still awake pal i ordered you some of these since you like ham and cheese sandwiches it's a ham and cheese pop-tart with frosting sorry what'd you get me dad a ham and cheese pop-tart can can a son disown their father is that something i'm allowed to do happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday oh it's not my birthday but thank you kind messages whorehouse 17 people like this including lydia williams while she would like the horror house wouldn't she she's a big old horror house fan please don't haunt me okay thank you carl my beloved this one's got heart thank you sketchy home suet a group where you can ask any question or get advice on anything how eat apple help oh my god you ate it from the bottom you mad man lost roomba his name is higgins 35 centimeters to 9 centimeters high about 2.8 kilograms he does not bite on the app i see that it's got three percent battery and 190 in his dust spin capacity my husband left our bungalow door open and our roomba escaped we followed his cleaning track for four kilometers down to the beach and we lost his trail there higgins cannot swim please help us to bring higgins back tear me off and give me a call can we get a can we get a hashtag rescue higgins going 5g horse a horsemaid of 5g energy has been appearing on our lawn and staring at our home we're worried for the family for we are not vaccinated chat with raj for an iphone 7 plus 32 gigabytes black edition 540 bucks not bad would you trade for 600 worth of mcdonald's coffee coupons and never expires i can send you to pick you can buy any hot drink i mean you are giving me 60 dollars more in value but when would i spend 60 in hot mcdonald's coffee why would i need that much coffee hulk kneel before cross of christ in hulk repent jesus please forgive hulk hulk very sorry for my many sins jesus comes down and he's like remember that movie that incredible hulk movie you can never get another one you are the three best leg exercises for women and i can i could hide this story but i just want to tell them i'm really not interested in human leg it's just not for me this basketball is easy to catch because it has a smaller mass and less inertia however the anvil has a larger mass and more inertia meaning it's harder to stop the more mass an object has the harder it is to change its motion speaking of motion he has none he's crushed by an anvil your child's results your child's bmi is infinity that puts them in the 100th percentile which indicates they are obese well how do you get there man dude the sopranos are so cool i wish italians were real my jeep leaking oil grand cherokee model [Laughter] better fix that jeep that's your reaction to the jeep breaking down scavenger hunt questions prowl around the montgomery county parks with green fest joey's eating an edge heck of a box if you've seen them eating it and if you've seen the photo then you've dang well seen it find kanye all right i'm looking i'm looking a lot of coffee beans not a lot of kanye oh there he is how could i have missed you straight from the kfc managers of africa i just sat on my testicles so hard that i fainted he looks like he's been through a lot let him let him have a day off men without hats performing in 2011 what is on his head you tell me what the hell this you tell me what the hell that is is that a hat take him out of the band now hell life me don't know what that means but thank you for the update i'm interested in this electric fireplace for two hundred dollars hey what's the lowest you how what what you call me you don't get this no more wife packed my lunch for me after we were arguing wtf a little bit of chicken and orange crush i mean hey that's still a banging lunch man you'll be in a little bit of a calorie deficit you'll lose some weight see a macbook air uh-huh about twelve hundred dollars okay i can ask about this product uh where is the macbook air because this is a vaz richard era bomb major dick bong his name was bing bong or dickbong he's a legend with a funny name protect your car from super maneuverable fighter aircraft is your car safe from super maneuverable air defense fighter aircraft oh no no think about it no i don't even have a car let alone one that's safe from super maneuverable air defense fighter aircraft mario pillows there's the mushroom mario judah and mario music to massage you made by started the shoulders went down to the calves go to sleep after my buddy daley 1084010 has been taught about memes and here's me trying my hand at it elijah said he wanted to cry when he saw it crying would laughter probably i think i ain't exactly high i'm cletus but i ain't exactly how to make me you know what i know what i'm saying what gas do you breathe in slash inhale o2 co2 h2o or milk i don't know depends on the day a a and b depends on how i'm feeling you know here's some disney princesses reimagined as cement mixers would you watch these classics hey what do you think about this ukraine first lady all right thanks mom oh yeah open your mouth more oh good girl don't even forget it joker is probably one of the movies ever made just a hunch i have get some nappy hey what is he doing with the nappies i don't like what he's doing over there this implies something foul will it microwave a fork oh no this was his first and last video the puntai chief with his obese wife in the punt relief in hachisot's temple at dear albari the chief has short hair and a long beard the ring that covers his leg and the dagger fixed to his butt appears to be the mark of his status is cheating i mean at d stands right by his side at all times that's a loyal wife it's a loyal couple i love it you love to see it this is doordash connecting you to your dash and for updates about your order on my way oh he's bringing my food all meals in one pan separate sections and mean balance nutrition diversify diet collocation and prevent food from mixing rectangle meat area round fried egg area in the round vegetable area cooked to your heart's desire me and my partner been trying to scare each other got her pretty good on the kitchen with the party ring man looked her and i went she screamed ran away i tried to make ron weasley out of peas so you made ron p's dog peas forever that is a 22 second clip of a duck that is a impressive puddle of piss i will heal the philippines holy [ __ ] he's healing the philippines all right thanks i just got my braces off oh my god dude send a pic there you go with teeth you idiot oh no i won't do that i wanted to buy some old seized pit bikes attached to this wicked funny photo i found is someone eating absolute asphalt on swing set stop honey hey taco bell am i pretty and not one bit but hey the watermelon freeze is back so go go take your ugly self to a local taco bell brian has been promoted let's go brian let's go brian hey reddit as your favorite bidet brand we care about your buttholes so we brought renowned anal surgeon dr evan goldstein to answer questions ask us anything about your buttholes he looks like someone that would know a lot about balls the real no hands pull-up challenge record ah how did he do that how did he how do you do a pull-up with no hands horror fights and red card moments in football number three when a man got kicked in the spine paralyzed from the waist down you won't believe what this pitcher plant charges in rent his rent poop hey it was a pot roast i didn't think about a pig until i was done sorry maybe next time what society fears the most an educated reuter i'm reading about the industrial society and its future i'm about to learn jk rowling reveals how wizards actually pooh do they do expelliarist what was it what is the expelliaris you could run doom on 16 billion crabs when someone figured out how to make logic gates based on crabs running doom on crabs is a no-brainer why i'm scared of nicocado avocado well if we take a look at that thumbnail it's easy to see once the food is given to you if a seagull taken from you will be no refunds the seagulls don't work for us sorry for the inconvenience that's understandable put on bed hold it and let it sleep with you or have a good dream put it on the sofa when you are tired leaning on their soft seal pillow will feel relaxed put it in the car making a friend of the children on the backseat of the car with a fat seal pillow there's no limit to imagination what does your dog see that's right you're all chew toys to him hello my name is wikiwicka swim shady shaking your head is one way to communicate no and god i don't know what kind of know he's saying but he's shaking his head rather fast blizzard is hiring the world of warcraft team is hiring oh really we're looking for snarts oh i'm not one of them i'm sorry me and my son went kayaking today don't know why he was screaming like a little [ __ ] the whole time i hate him his face is one of pure terror there is nothing but panic going on behind his eyes patrick stewart is poop i loved the emoji movie strong mysterious die stupid idiot didn't deserve pocky snack risen yo i used to have this webkinz that i used to pour milk on and suck the milk back out of it and it was soft and wet all the time i used to slam it against walls to make a loud thud what was going on with me as a kid let's talk about photos of tomato basil penne pasta oh is that tomato basil and penne pasta two best friends if you put a torch in a dog's mouth the line will come out of its rear end facts you didn't know my neighbor tortoro adult onesies price dropped five euro sizes one small two medium one large did i say was is that a euro sign i might get it wrong i don't remember but i will buy that totoro frog on the turtle cam i don't see the frog though where is it if anyone can see the frog let me know because i don't see no frog i don't even see a turtle i updated my tactical belt mounted egg holster to feature a latch so now you can safely perform a handstand while keeping your eggs safe what's the egg for keep it hard boiled now you have a snack after your handstand in a largely virtual house financial services markup of covet bill representative tom emmer is asked to suspend his comments and figure out why he is upside down tom can you stop doing a handstand i tried recreating the meme that appeared in my dream yes pills thanks lois your mom why you do this you just copy and paste it from the end why the shy is a jupiter is a banana for scale the japanese flag from an unusual angle that's actually how the flag blows if you look at it on a map uh they'll have a picture of the flag uh catching wind and that's what it looks like selling antique legs only 25 bucks so that's a steal let's look at the age you know uh just judging by what these legs are wearing i'd say this might be we got the plaid shirt the work boots the blue jeans that's gonna be like a 30 to 35 year old pair of legs that's a steal and the hard working legs too they're blue collar legs they're blacks piper kerr right a member of the scottish national antarctic expedition plays the bagpipes for an indifferent penguin march 1904 well a picture can only be so telling because maybe this penguin is listening politely maybe this penguin is listening with purpose uh this could be a life or death situation where the penguin is the leader of a arctic an antarctic mob that will take out that uh that bad piper's family if he doesn't lay down a sweet lick on the pipes so you never know it's time to stop letting actors with hair play bald people that's right if you want to play someone bald shave that head shave it ball i want to see my reflection on that chrome dome this isn't funny this is this is sad this is a sad story in three parts how dare you say this is funny andrea i'm sorry andrea i love you andrea eat beans with me eat beans with them feel bad for the poor guy mystery tree beast turns out to be a croissant now that is a disappointing anti-climactic but tasty surprise the bay area is running out of boba i don't even live in the bay area and that scares me because i love my boba i love suck it up you know what i'm not gonna finish that sentence i'm gonna give you the satisfaction of clipping that i ain't gonna say it if you wanna hear me say that run all of our videos through a deep thinking machine and artificially make me say it one star did not realize they serve shark fin soup read about how it causes imbalance in the ecosystem and contributing to the decline of reefs please tell owners you don't want shark fin soup on the menu it's imitation shark fin made out of gelatin you dense cabbage you're gonna ask anyone working in the store this they would they would have showed you they would have showed you the gelatin but now you wanted to complain on google reviews all right guy returns to his car after shopping to find 15 000 bees inside could it be after eight years in retirement has dr bees heeded the call to return to the nation in poznan poland eight clams get to decide if people in the city get water or not i'll pass this is oddly reminiscent of you guys ever watched love death and robots on netflix this is oddly reminiscent of that episode where the there was a whole city that was ran by sentient yogurt this is the this is apparent life is imitating art right now and i don't like it very much oh that may be the most perfect tag temple i've ever seen definitely strengthens my conviction that that man is a prophet love it he's a man of simple needs thai dimples starched collars and men in their 80s telling them that god loves them eight unforgettable disasters in football that we'll never forget we'll never forget what we'll never we'll never forget what what aren't the disasters forgetting got drunk and walked on stage the band didn't see an implying bomb goes yeah that's mr electric he does what he does he he zaps a crowd into whatever he wants he's full of kinetic energy hey guys can anybody recommend an electrician in the area oh well that is quite a large area um hmm you know you wanna you want one electrician in the entire northern america okay northern america it's just north america hey backstage with eminem well clearly this is a real photo but you're not backstage you're actually in front of the crowd do you know the difference because this is he's performing you're kind of just hyping him up and i mean that's great but it's not backstage escape pizza escape escape escape escape escape and then the entire description of this is just a skate pizza and i mean it can't be that bad it's favorited by over 400 people nearly 500 000 visits and there's three playing right now and that with a max of 10 allowed that's 30 percent playing that that that's pretty good that's pretty good we cater any event wedding graduation horse funeral drug intervention tuesdays horse funeral a quiet night alone return of jim an anniversary of horse funeral come inside for a free consultation i actually would love to see them cater a drug intervention like tommy you've been you've been addicted to black tar heroin but uh go ahead and grab a deviled egg and a ham sandwich for the concession stand come sit down we're going to talk about this the actor with the eyebrows oh it's will poulter and i'm i'm part of the will poulter side guest and part of the poltergeist i would know times nba players humiliated reporters did you just fart the dumbest things nba players ever said i just farted man either way you slice that's embarrassing foam on a coffee yo it's a frog check can we get a can we got a frog check in here we got one looking at us right now in that that coffee fortnite has now been cited in more than 200 divorce proceedings make it 201 because babe if you say it's either you or the v bucks sorry but there's a new drop in the item shop so get on out of here we're gonna put my divorce papers in the battle pass yo it's friend you know how the song goes like no one no one ever told you the life was gonna be that way you know how the song goes pathetic frog birthday cake from supermarket leaf's parents mortified it was a disgrace yo can we get a frog check on that cake two in one video unbelievable eighty percent of boys have girlfriends rest twenty percent are having a brain is that one of the fifteen epic boy quotes joker's ultimate quotes from quotes uploader there's a really good video i'm sure you may have seen it from danny gonzalez that uh touches on these accounts very briefly um i think it's like a video about like uh like what is it like wealth wealth instagram i'm pretty sure yeah it came out it's called how to be rich it touches on these kinds of quotes and they're i think they're great i might make a video myself on quote uh on quote accounts i think they're hilarious not on dealio it'll be on my main channel but you know what i mean you know what i mean what would you choose grommet mug or world peace and you know what what's a couple world wars if i got my grommet mug you know what i mean mcdonald's hamburger and french fries are good it's near to my house i don't know why you blurt out his picture when you include it blown up at the bottom of the post don't know what use that was i mean he's a local guide everyone knows him everyone knows ivan and how he loves mcdonald's because it's close by two in one prince philip's funeral trending the same day as national horny day i don't know if i'm gonna be mourning or moaning maybe i'll do both maybe i'll just hit two birds with one stone i'll have a a a mournful moan which i don't know what that would sound like but i guess it'd be like pretty pretty sad ireland's potato ireland's proverb says there are two things in the world that can't be joked marriage potato i i think you're speaking my language i agree how do we feel about people who pee in the shower it me or they should be a we all pee in the shower every now and again you can't pretend like you don't okay we all we've all we've all seen the psi the water pressure in in our shower and wanted to challenge it with our pee see if we have better pressure in our bodies we've all done that please put ketchup on the shopping list okay no problem oh i can't read a damn word of this damn wife making me rub ketchup on things the king of queens is an active twitter account 12 years after it went off the air is it still active yo it's still posts they have 30 000 followers their last post was 13 hours ago it's hashtag cinco de mayo let's party let's go okay there was a reply to the king of queen's tweet that talks about the the talks about whitewashing why is this under the king of queens experiment lava versus chicken i'm not sure who's gonna win that one that's a tough call something tells me that the chicken might be at a disadvantage though because it's up against lava um but it really is anyone's game lands so thick and strong three quarters of an inch thick if you slip i can't see more than ten feet ahead of me so i push and lift them up a little my eyes love the new stronger lenses i would call these coke bottle classes but that doesn't do it any good these these are this dude has if he got shot in the face he the bullet would be caught in the class jeff bezos can't become a trillionaire if he gets eaten by a whale very true very true but what if he gets eaten by a llama i'm sorry that's not my area of expertise fair enough wow nintendo uk breaking news tweet mario indeed he is hey always keep at least six medium papa john's pizzas of space between yourself and others okay we are using safe ingredients for safe pizzas me and bro that's crazy it's you and your wife she looks just like you bro they're masculine arms and adam's apple hi guys check out this bongo very big very delicious i like it i'm eating mango as a reward thanks so much for support i love me some james white you know what i mean like this guy wasn't he recently got himself a lady and i just want to give a big congratulations to james white he did he got himself girlfriend he did it jeff crumps at arctic monkeys but i don't see no monkeys let alone the arctic this looks like a concert body way you lie to me this is a low carb moose made with avocado and cocoa powder a wocky slush from a butt you you took out a petri dish you went whatever fart effect you want to use go ahead and call that moose benedict [ __ ] i sure hope he does i sure hope he did save it put it in a vial donate it to the sperm bank frying nemo oh no that's horrible get me a table for two i want some of that nemo that's horrible huh those beautiful feet and toes i want to taste i mean you've got a response from nerds i think there's a chance you're gonna pipe a candy my guy talk about a nougat feeling my nostalgia bass and they're eating it up i don't know what's a nostalgia bass but clearly it tastes like memories only six to eight weeks left so what oh no fair enough thanks john good afternoon i am a recruiter with the navy out of greenfield i have been reaching out to people in the area about the opportunities and advantages the navy can offer you sorry i smell crack i do not intend to stop either right enjoy this makes me smile so wide it's horrible [Laughter] it makes me smile i want there to be a whole summer to dedicate to people getting texts of their door dash or eating their food huh send them a live photo and i take a bite bro what you heard him he took a bite there is a person at your front door let him in he looks friendly is that pg the friendly pig hello what has he wanted this hour then i saw her face i'm a a ball that's how the song goes hey why is someone grabbing that kitten with tongs salad valid salad for that kitty cat pudding kitty cat in a salad like a garnish can you garnish a salad australia's prime minister has a pants wacky slush problem well you know what so the only problem is good old gold skomo i wonder if the the pants incident is in his wikipedia i'm reading the article uh apparently he uh what what's the term they used he explosively walky his pants um it was after the sharks lost the gf 97 was it the loss that sparked it or was it you know the mcdonald's he saw did you see mcdonald's just which is right in his pants i don't know real quick i love australian politics it's all about who shat their pants the most scumbags going around in a van marking x outside people's houses and are stealing bald people please stay alert and be safe who's next your head shaven be alert man it's dad's second car crash this week can't catch a break ikea ikea corner slightly broken from loads of shagging well you know there's a couch of personality sign me up a cow with antlers atop a pole wikipedia contains other images on articles that are similarly shocking or utterly amusing i see what you did there because it's the on the on the electric pole shocking and it's a cow i hate hate that's why i don't donate to you wikipedia don't be horny you can't tell me what to do and simulator has been canceled because all the money was spent on strippers and alcohol i think that was money well spent i'm not sure how far an ant simulator could have gotten yeah you're going to be perfect well i'm perfectly honest with you buddy satan also uses education many think they are too smart to accept this one truth that gorilla is daddy i don't know how many times i got to say it halo we're so sorry due to covet 19 we are beef so can i still order or what's going on what's going on this is a sponsored ad on face on uh on instagram sorry same thing really the girl you like her father her first love her brothers her ex you my superpower her mortgage banker my superpower getting your clients pre-approved speedy and accurately the advisor's way i'm the lender torelli the lender thirty dollars for the steel donut yum uh pick up pizzone i want the donut what does it taste like i am so honored to have won the rl stein creative writing award for the third year in a row the award is given annually to an author named r.l stein and i'm just lucky enough to be the guy to get it three times in a row we got some classic gibberish and listen the u.s strategic command does not claim this tweet the apologist for any confusion please disregard this post but i i'm seeing right through this this is a this is a code you enter this in any nuclear base it's going to fire off all the warheads cargo ship drew a penis and butt before getting stuck in sioux's canal and i'm for i for one think that's not enough put the boat back in put the boat back in i will not stop campaigning for this stop stunt the economy leave your food on the porch bro yeah thanks man i'll tip you a nap sweet starts dry humping you i mean keep that up you're gonna get a better tip but just the tip hey no t heating in the band closet i don't know many times i gotta tell you guys i don't know what teaheeing is but i keep hearing whispers in the class especially with the oboe players you two disgusting just cause you play the wins don't mean you gotta blow each other that's a dumb joke do you remember this is the very first letter i ever got from you uh-huh it's my treasure dear jock i'll flocky slush kill you for giving me that fake painting get the [ __ ] slash get out of my town all right lovely letter bad news better call saul fans earth will likely become inhabitable in the next 100 000 years how am i gonna get my better call salt fix then yeah no no when you take a viagra and it gets stuck in your throat well hey think about it on the bright side nank you wear so many more necklaces maybe a couple of turtlenecks a scarf or two maybe the possibilities are endless i don't always die in video games but when i do another flocky slush stupid piece of [ __ ] slush broken ass [ __ ] wacky slush game wonky slush wonky slush wacky slush flocky slush thwocky slush live laugh love hey walmart do you have t-shirts hi frank we have a wide selection of t-shirts available drop into your local walmart to have a look great haunting big brett's pornhub frank no that's not google frank and if you are gonna look at it at the store you're not gonna find it at walmart okay find it at whole foods hey reddit meet my new dog walter hi walter you don't acknowledge what's going on in the background we both see it don't acknowledge it if i don't acknowledge it it's not real i sold my wife for wi-fi she's sweet and dead oh bonjour five stars a common dungeon offers the fastest xp farming in bloodborne well you know them conjuncts stay hard this restaurant is absolutely amazing definitely worth the trip 5 stars oh we got a response from the owner yoda death sound very good hey what breed is he well he's just a little boy is that a recognized breed from the american kennel club is that an akc recognized breed little boy here's uh some inappropriate speech what year is it after lunch and here's some incomprehensible speech what year is it now you know the difference birthday that it is and you look like a very tired chicken relax on your birthday rest the giblets i love god my family my president and my country i have high blood pressure well maybe you're loving a little too hard linda calm it down when someone says nothing can be more complicated than love just throw physics books on their faces you read einstein i love birds i didn't think so oh select all the squares with chimneys well i can just skip but who's this delightful man on the tractor on the john deere can i click on him you have used all the four gigabyte high speed data in your t-mobile monthly data plan you will experience slower speeds up to 128 kilobits per second until 1205 2019. visit website for more info or to purchase more high-speed data we apologize i didn't realize you were the purple guy you're the man behind the slaughter please continue film theory is wally satan no he's a robot did you even watch the movie matt that god my husband likes to eat eight hot dogs for dinner that's why i married him because boy can this man choke down a wiener a faux chicken nugget necklace you ever want to look like your gen z get the chicken nug necklace and i'll punch you in the face how to prank your school principal step one go to his office step two distract him step three put a fish on his desk doesn't matter what kind maybe i don't know maybe uh a barracuda why not it's fun maybe a goliath grouper just give it an idea my gf's avocado plants learning how to floss get rid of it fast it's gonna grow up to be peely but an avocado dark gary light gary god i love him girl's name starting with pete you got paige you got patricia you got pakistan international airlines long name of that one can be hard to put on tests and you got penelope classic girls names last remove hand wins girl like i like my man in the third in the middle of the pack he seems rather laxative it's like he could be here we could be somewhere else he doesn't really care about winning he's just there for the content congrats to phil for being our trucker of the month for april he finally stopped in today on his way through and claimed his prize which was 50 alpha cannon copenhagen thank you for your surface and keep dumping them loads we love our truckers thanks harry potter hates ohio oh this is a meme trucker god bless him give him another 50 off free copenhagen take the truck stop dip challenge if you can pack your lip with an entire can of copenhagen you get it free haters i hate bts come back take a sit with others wait for me to give a [ __ ] for pound sign cook man those are some savage comebacks and insults for bts haters that's ridiculous that's i feel offended hello i'm from turkey well hi zincy i just stumbled upon the angry birds oc wiki and what jeffrey the evil jeffrey the good and jeffrey the neutral which one are you tag yourself in the comments i'm feeling like i'm jeffrey the neutral joe rogan freaks out over giant dinosaur bird uh it's called a shoe bill and yeah they're scary completely completely believe you there for freaking out i would do he's in the universe journey through the wormhole he's going in what what sights will you see you dimensional traveler you orange juice is tasty in fact it's so delicious he can break through the fourth wall and drink it and i can too check your fridge the juice is gone top cahoots what is climate change well i'm glad you asked angry birds official it's happening right now okay you are awesome i also like iron maiden too i don't like iron maiden are you you tricked me and that's not very nice of you k what you cook up is lies forget about city lights give me tire lights that's all i need help how do i get home well clearly you're trapped in the underbrush so just keep going through and once you find the small crawl space go through that backwards okay you gotta retrace your steps happy to help cat at lowe's oh and i got a wholesome seal as well as it should i wonder what that cat's gonna buy does it have a membership card i'm not satisfied with the product sellers reply he is lying i call fibs i call fibs you love this product tell the people of the truth cup of water no water no ice mantis how much did you pay for the mantis what's his name or her well it's tiny so this would be him what's his name mike is hard god i hope so because i got a big job for him sex gifts half-mast texas another senseless tragedy i know i read that backwards i do these how i want thicken nugget oh he's a gorgeous boy circle the smallest number 10. tell her show how you know the answer rainbow oh that's an a plus for effort an a plus for imagination nut none has been here consuming food for over 10 minutes i'm concerned nut enjoys peanut notice here again nut has returned funeral wet pants denim wet look dry feel no one approaches you in the wet denim yes i would like one beer please just kidding you [ __ ] idiot i'd like two beers please oh you got me dude explosive diarrhea causes nbc's ultimate slip and slide to pause production it's real messy on the ultimate slip and slide shut up i can feel myself sinking in my chair there we go toad pooping a giant turd in quality 4k amazing thank you micro macro world finally i could see how a toad show the dairy queen hawaiian shirt it's like the taco bell hawaiian shirt at the taco bell hotel it's a great place man what another great day here i am as a pirate it's beautiful friday heading for the incredible saturday peace love it's ringo sparrow love that guy hand santa's are available here maybe you shouldn't have made the hand sanitizer so tasty scott really wouldn't have been drinking it i do not like puerto ricans man why not they disgust me well what do they be saying because honestly i agree i'd be discussing you too oni show neil i feel like i've seen this post before and i still hate that name scooby-doo taught us that the real monsters were always human the moment i'll stop loving scooby-doo would be the moment i stopped breathing and that's what's new how to gain 1 million views in just 3 days in youtube very secret tips well i'm not sure if you even know them because you have seven views wanna know how i got these scars sharp hamburger i didn't know they made hamburgers with sharp corners it's the last time i go to wendy's it took him one second to solve and i don't know how letters it's a rip roaring corker this masterpiece sent a titter around the office the caption is sonic pissing all over mario and that's a t-shirt winner please can i see some pictures of people's stairs sure here you go not quite what i meant banned words in our store zootopia fox nick wilde and dream smile face dude said his name too many times and now it's banned sorry the aunties win this time japanese sushi is too delicious the highest will you make friends with me not with that mask on are you pissed try my experimental dance therapy i have strategies to cool down it works for me and i'm intense i'll teach you how to be less pissed through dance before and after look at me smile guaranteed or double your money back if you're serious about change my website is impissed.net and i accept bitcoin just in case you didn't know ski ski mask the corndog why think it bad bands that suck balls train well you're not wrong or are you you'll never know my opinion on the band train what i think we should see other people are you being for real what the [ __ ] is with the confetti i just thought maybe if i did it in a cheerful way you'd be less upset tree indeed it is what are bushes but just trees that haven't quite gotten their growth spurt yet this picture speaks a thousand words and all of them are gibberish have you ever done anything weird with your food before preparing it i decided to show this little guy a sunset before boiling him and you know what i think he tasted more passionate yeah that's a taste it's an umami flavor the big ass of tv brings my toilet faced heathen to the center please show us what's on the daytime soap operas tatui not good enough i love this this is exactly what they want this is big media baby big media big dookies you received zero dollars from ethan element and you paid a one cent fee get cancer oh i don't think i could do that just on my own but i i guess i'm now i'm paying a fee for it over ethan ethan it's not very nice dwayne the rock johnson says raising fish is his way to decompress and shows off a prized bass well i'm glad he has a passion maybe i can go to his dwayne the doc johnson and fish with him i don't know thank you guys for watching if you like this video and want to see more like it be sure to subscribe and until next time my name is damian you've been watching dele and i'll see you next time [Music] do [Music] you

Channel: DeeLee

Views: 815,887

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% true stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, ez pz, reddit funny

Id: VO8-L8gfYIE

Length: 66min 8sec (3968 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 22 2021