r/Tifu "I Accidentally Broke Into a House, LOL WOOPS!"

welcome to our slash today I have dub where a father accidentally lets his kid knock out the school bully our next reddit post is from Odin's be all my son was born with a condition called pectus excavatum and no offense to anyone with the condition but it kind of sounds like a Harry Potter spell in layman's terms his chest is sunken in his condition was so bad that he only had 2 and a half inches between his sternum and his spine and his heart and lungs were bruised because of it in December he had surgery to correct it and they put two nickel bars in his chest to give it space and trained his bones to grow correctly about three weeks after a surgery a kid punched him and dislodged the top bar and he had to have another surgery to put the bar back in place the kid has been through a lot well the doctor cleared him for most activity last week just no skateboarding her bike riding but he could now lift his backpack and go hang out with friends and play pickup non-contact sports unbeknownst to me a kid in his class had been bullying him all semester and because my son was afraid of getting hit again he just took it well the evening he was cleared he came to me and said dad I'm cleared now a kid has been bullying me and hitting me for months can I kick his butt well my son isn't really a fighter he fought with his brothers but never anyone else and he's always gotten his butt kicked so I just figured he was just talking but this is the first time I'd heard about the bullying and I was concerned I could tell he was distressed about the situation so I told him to knock that little brat out he just nodded and went to his room now his older brother is a tough sob he had a traumatic brain injury two years ago and he missed a year of school so he's in the same grade and coincidentally takes the same class I talked to him about it and told him to handle it but don't get in trouble heat me that the kid walks in every day and punches my son in the head I asked him why he allowed that to happen and he said he wanted his brother to get tough and once he was tired of getting hit he would do something about it while I kinda agree with this thinking I instructed him to handle it without getting in trouble the next morning I took them both to school then drove back home to get my younger daughter who goes to a different school that starts later on the way to take her to school my wife calls me have you taken our daughter to school yet well after you do go pick up your son he got in a fight I just assumed it was my oldest son imagine my surprise when I walked into the school office to see my younger son with a grin from ear to ear he was beaming he pushed her he pointed to another kid's sitting in a chair holding an ice pack on his face I warned him he said I was so proud he had walked in the class sat down and the kid popped him in the head like always my older son got up to intervene and before he could my son decked the kid with one punch he said the kid was balling on the floor and that it was the best day of his life he got suspended for three days edit one the kid who punched my son in the chest was one of his friends it wasn't malicious just two boys clowning around he was horrified that he had hurt my son the bully punched my son in the head every day once he found out my son couldn't do anything about it he just kept on my son wasn't the only one he bullied either also the bully's brother came to my son later and told him that he had warned him once my son could fight and that he was going to get his butt kicked edit - my son has some social anxiety and since the fight he has made a lot of new friends he used to hate going to school but now he's disappointed that school is out for the summer crazy wait how is this a today I have to post I consider this an absolute win you just discovered that your kid is Saitama our next reddit poses from hollows of your heart my friend Jenna moved into a nice new condo last month and I finally got a chance to check it out for the first time today I ended up arriving before she got home from work so she told me to let myself in with the spare key under the potted plant and to make myself comfortable I made myself a sandwich and was meandering around eating and checking out her swanky new place when the front door opened and a really large and unfamiliar man with a duffel bag came in dude was intimidating and I'm a 4 foot 11 woman so I was immediately scared he looks shocked to see me I'm looking at his duffel bag and realizing that I surprised some piece of garbage burglar I panicked and threw my sandwich at his face and then locked myself in the bedroom I'm shaking and he pounds in the door yelling at me to get the F out I start screaming at him to get the F out and then I'm calling the police total bluff because I didn't have my phone he then yells back then he is calling the police on me this gives me pause at this point I look around and realized the bedroom I'm in definitely appears to be of the male persuasion I asked him through the door if he knows Jenna he tells me yes she's his next-door neighbor oh well apparently Jenna's neighbor also keeps a spare key under a potted plant so today I act up by letting myself in to my friends neighbours place smacking smacking him in the face with his own sandwich and then screaming at him to get the F out of his house I love the idea of these two people trying to reverse who know the no I'm gonna call the police on you line through the door also Opie hasn't posted an update but I'm choosing to believe that these two are totally dating now our next reddit post is from what douche so this is a good one so this happened two days ago and I'm still cringing recently I've taken an interest in chess and my school runs an after-school chess club for beginners so I thought I'd go along so anyway here I am about to play my first game of chess ever I sit down at the black pieces and my opponent has the white pieces I should now mention my opponent was African American the teacher says first rule of chess White's go first I think to myself wow that's pretty racist but but chess is an old game so maybe they kept the rule out of tradition so I grab a pawn and slide it forward then I look up expecting my opponent to make his move instead I met with a look of confusion and horror I begin to hear laughter from the people watching I then realized my error oh you meant the pieces i murmur the teacher nods now everyone thinks I'm a massive racist then we have a contribution down in the comments from das rockness similar to this my uncle's family name is black and ours is white it's a large family one day we were at a large public pool with many kids from both sides the adults were trying to get the kids out of the pool for pictures first it was all of them then the whole family then they wanted to do just the black family and then the white family for context we're all white and for that matter the black family are a bunch of blondes and redheads anyways one of the parents was trying to get the most responsible preteen to go get the other side of the family for pictures she ran to the she ran to the pool and screamed all the black kids have to get out of the pool so the white kids can get in there was no music but I just imagine a record screech and the whole place stopped and stared at this seemingly horrible little racist girl follow that up by my uncle following around the black folks who were there with his ID trying to explain in hindsight it was hilarious but at that moment it felt really wrong our next reddit post is from Friday this actually happens sometime ago but thinking about it is still quite painful I was in university and made friends with this really cute girl in my senior year at an event we got on well and I was really thinking about asking her out but since this happened quite close to graduation and she might be going back to her home country I decided to keep it all inside and not do anything I thought that asking her to stay just three months after knowing each other is too big a favor to ask so I kept it strictly as friends between us so that our farewell wouldn't be too painful during graduation she decided to give me a gift of homemade chocolate in a very nice box that she made herself it was all a blur but I kind of recalled her asking me to open it at home and let her know what I think well it was a very emotional moment for me and it is kind of her farewell gift to me so idiot me decided not to open it and kept it in the fridge it was a very nice box that she made herself to so that is another reason we met again after a few days at her farewell party there was an emotional moment but I was prepared and considered that was it the Box stayed in my fridge for I don't know how long maybe one and a half two years she went home and after a year dated someone else and got married and I also met somebody else one day I was cleaning the fridge and saw the box again and decided that maybe it is time to throw it away the chocolate has probably gone bad but curiously I still decided to open it and my heart shrunk when I saw a full page note from her she basically poured her heart out and said how much feelings she had for me and was wondering if something could happen between us I just felt so bad afterwards but decided to just keep it to myself I probably looked like a butthole for how I acted when I last saw her but she seems very much happy now and Sylla my man is anyone else like deeply depressed by this story it's not that bad but I can't help but imagine an entire alternate reality where he read the note and they live happily for the rest of their lives together now I'm sad our next reddit post is from storm fusion so several years ago my best mate Todd changed his name in my phone to sexy Jess from work and then would ring my phone in the middle of the night to try and get me in trouble with my partner but she was friends with him before we even gotten together so she recognized his number and his prank didn't really work out fast-forward six or seven years to the weekend just passed I'm sitting on the couch watching TV and my partner is upstairs my eight-year-old daughter is bored so I give her my phone to play a game on cue the eff up I never changed Todd's name back it's been a running joke between us for years so so sexy Jess from work calls while my daughter has my phone she freaks out comes running into the lounge room crying throws my phone at me and screams I hate you dad she runs off upstairs so I'm sitting there really confused after a few seconds I follow her upstairs I can hear her crying then I hear my partner start laughing hysterically now I'm really confused I get to the bedroom my partner just holds up my phone showing a missed call from sexy chess from work I pieced together what's happened and spend the next 20 minutes explaining to my daughter and calming her down then call Todd back to tell him how his joke has made it to the next generation our next reddit post is from lack Raven so I have a friend from high school that I haven't seen in forever he is an absolute master of kindness driving for two hours to get you out of trouble after not seeing you for over three years type of kindness top bloke best dude you'll ever meet wouldn't hurt a fly you get the picture today he posted a super ecstatic picture of him and his wife with the caption about to be a family of three finally his face is big double chin kind of big and very unlike him he was always slim and fit growing up and this just looked fake and not at all like him it looks so unlike him I automatically assumed this was one I'm sorry this this post is really good you guys are in for a treat I lost it a little okay it looks so unlike him I automatically assume this was one of those ridiculous snapchat filters all the cool kids are using and that he had jokingly used it for a fun twist so I commented something along the lines of congratulations man let's just hope the kid doesn't get your chin Lowell I closed my phone and go back to work his sister pops up in my chat in the meantime tells me he gained a lot of weight from depression mainly from finding out he was close to being sterile they've been trying for a kid for two years almost breaking up multiple times I jumped back on my facebook to remove the comment only to find out he deleted the entire post I want to die I am on my way over there to apologize wish me luck or death I sent him a message after I realized I'd effed up I am a firm believer in apologizing for your mistakes in person and so I simply asked if he'd have me over later that day and that I owed him an apology for the childish way I congratulated him on those fantastic news he was radio silent for a few hours but just as I was about to step into my shuttle and move from the planet he sent me a message and invited me for a drink at his local bar I took just about all of yours advice he lived in the next town over so on my way there I bought a bottle of scotch and wrapped it up as a congratulations on the baby gift instead of a sorry I effed up one long story short I show up and he's super excited to see me big bear hug and all he loves the gift chats enthusiastically as we sit down I expected a punch in the face at best and I'm so confused we spend a little while catching up until I stop him and just straight-up apologize for my stupid comment tell him I feel awful that I said that and explained I meant nothing by it and how his kid is gonna grow up to be a fantastic piece of human miracle I'm just about to offer my life in return for his apology when he stops me his reaction he stared at me for an eternity or ten seconds before he absolutely lost his cool he laughed so hard I was pretty sure he was gonna run out of air and died right there he's holding his stomach and his laugh is so intense it turns into one of those silent wheezing South's that only dogs can hear turns out he didn't even see my comment his wife his wife deleted the original post because some ex of hers was posting garbage and then posted it again on her private wall friends only yeah she posted it and tagged my friend not the other way around she also seems to have just deleted my comment without telling him before that or something what an effing Saint that woman is so no harm done I showed him this thread and he didn't stop laughing for about two hours he shared this on his Facebook and tagged me and got his revenge that I so generously handed to him on a silver platter because he didn't even effing know you guys he didn't even know he doesn't care he thinks my original comment was hilarious he's a little pissed at his sister for contacting me and making it look like I wreaked havoc so yeah I just arrived home drunk tired and super epping happy that this couple is having a kid he's gonna be the best dad ever whatever his chin looks like this guy's so incompetent that his today I act up is itself a today I act up that was our slash today I act up and if you like my content please hit the subscribe button and check out my merch store with the link down in the description

Channel: rSlash

Views: 716,669

Rating: 4.9297585 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, choosing, tifu, r/tifu, r/ tifu, today i fd u

Id: IC-OadxnxgU

Length: 18min 4sec (1084 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 22 2019