r/TIFU "DO NOT CLICK THIS!!!"

welcome to our slash today I act up where Opie accidentally reports himself to the police for being a pedo our first pose is from plac moines over the course of the last week my twin seven year old son started telling me about a creepy man who's sat in the parking lot at school and stared at them this morning I finally took the initiative and called the school they assured me that the situation would be handled now here's how stupid I apparently am I've been doing electrical repairs on the facility near my son's school and each day I parked my work van in the school parking lot to eat lunch and use the Wi-Fi I wave to my sons as they go from one building to the building housing the cafeteria for lunch if you're realizing that I'm the pervert I reported congratulations you're officially sharper than me I didn't realize it until three police cars surrounded my work van as it turns out between the work van they'd never seen me in my hard hat and my sunglasses the boys never realized it was me after after about a 30-minute conversation with the police and the principal they decided I was a harmless [ __ ] and decided to let me go I was however asked not to park my band there for lunch anymore have you ever been so dumb that you reported yourself to the police for being a pedophile our next post is from boneyard Betty this literally just happened I was discussing this subreddit with a guy we'll call him him I'm flirting with and we come across the hot sauce story felt like it sounded like our mutual friend he can be called B so I took a screenshot and go to send it on Facebook messenger to send to be muscle memory kicks end and I send the photo so quick my camera roll hadn't updated I accidentally sent a nude I'd taken a half hour earlier this wouldn't be an issue usually but this guy is like a brother figure he's not answering his phone so I've just spammed the app out of the conversation to stop it popping up all the while I'm on the phone to em the initial intended recipient who was also in a band with me for anyone curious here's me trying to claw it back then she posts a screenshot of her conversation oh my god do not open oh my god just delete the convo I meant to send a different photo and it's my freaking tits do not open I'm just going to keep spamming this because nothing stops a guy from looking at a photo quite like do not look at this it's my tits our next post is from don't hit submit three so I'm currently a fourth-year computer science student at a pretty respected university and was looking to graduate this semester oh sorry I'm laughing already this story is really good one of the classes I was taking was a class in modern advancements and trends in the field of Technology while the class didn't require too much heavy lifting it still was a higher level one and required a good amount of work for our final our professors had assigned us a twenty page research paper into a current or possible future technology of our choice within the field I did my paper on helium-3 power generation I worked my butt off on this paper and in the end was super proud of it the paper the papers were due last night at midnight and I held off on submitting my final draft till the end to get it as clean as possible this is where I have tough big time let me tell you a little about myself I don't work a normal job I tried it in my first year of school and really didn't like it I've worked internships when they came up but outside of that I really didn't work this and being a student really doesn't mix well though so I had to make money some way for the past three years I've gotten by on writing hardcore erotica on Commission specifically for furries I would write anything any fetish any premise anything in some parts of that community I became really popular at one point I was made cooking almost $2,500 on patreon along with the amounts I'd charged my customers am i proud of this no I have written some really disgusting stuff but it paid the bills and the money was too good to pass up I told myself the minute I got a real job I was cutting and running from this work well this brings us to last night I had not gotten any sleep for the past few nights I had multiple projects - in the span of a few days I was running on nothing but coffee and rock star I was nothing more than a walking corpse and wanted to do nothing but sleep I ended up doing my last read over my final paper and submitted it before sleeping however instead of submitting my final paper I suffered I somehow submitted one of the Commission's I was working on the Commission is not light either it is almost 10 pages long and contains a variety of things including a fetish that's four letters long and starts with V and another four-letter fetish that starts with s so I went to bed submissions for the final locked and my academic career was sentenced to death then and there when I woke up this when I woke up this morning I checked my grades for my other classes before noticing an email from my professor all it says was to come to his office after class today I want to effing die right now I don't know how I'm going to explain why instead of my final I submitted a hardcore erotic story with a wolf man blinking off in a dragon stomach but yeah I effed up big-time obligatory update well I just left his office and I still want to die not as much though I took some advice from here and printed my paper out and had it with me I won't lie when I sat down with him I was already almost in tears from the stress and embarrassment I guess he picked up on that because he tried to be as nice as possible and told me to calm down and just explain what happened I ran down pretty much everything I said here while he didn't agree with the Avenue I was taking to make money he understood why I was doing it he had checked the submission last night after the deadline and my submissions name stuck out immediately it was along the lines of customer underscore Commission underscore second draft dot doc I've taken a class from him before and wasn't a student so he guessed I had submitted the wrong file on accident he told me he read the first he told me he read the first page and realized it probably wasn't meant for him to read I gave him the copy I brought and he accepted it he told me to email him the file and he would replace the one I had submitted and that we would pretend this never happened he seemed to at least have a good sense of humor as he told me that what I had originally submitted what I had originally submitted was well written at least from what he read like I said I still went to f'ing and died right now at least he understood that I'm just an idiot and not malicious Thanks I guess were the advice and helping me through the nervous breakdown at that point I think the only way out for Opie was to just double down instead of saying his paper was on helium-3 power generation he should have said he should have said that his paper was on power generation from static electricity generated by ruff yipping our next post is from the tax man cometh this started yesterday but I didn't realize my screw up until today yesterday I stumbled on a price mistake for the sixth quart instant pot at Target they were ringing up at $10 apiece instead of $80 I decided I would get some Christmas shopping done early and flip a few I ordered tin for in-store pickup and tin for delivery in case either order got cancelled well the delivery order was cancelled but I got an email that the in-store pickup was ready I go to Target and give them my ID they look it up and can't find it at first I give them the order number and here the one guy is say to the other something about it being canceled and they are both giving me odd looks the one says he has to let the manager know I'm there so they radio over and the manager says it was cancelled because of the price mistake seems a little odd that they needed the manager over the radio just for that but I didn't think much of it fast forward to a little earlier this afternoon the doorbell rings and my wife comes and tells me there are two guys at the door asking for me I step outside and they identify themselves as detectives from the State Police counterterrorism unit and they start questioning me about why I'm trying to buy 10 pressure cookers and if I know what they can be used for if I'm making bombs and so on they even have a picture of my car from in the target parking lot I did my best to explain the price mistake and how I found it etc I think I think they accepted my explanation but I'm still nervous that I'm on a watch list now I feel like there is a 100% chance that the NSA FBI and/or a CIA has read this post before me our next pose is from hollows of your hearts I'm a 32 year old woman who can never go back to my new dentist after two visits because I'm an idiot my dentist is a very nice and professional man our first appointment was going pretty smoothly until he made some innocuous remark about us being strangers my immediate reply was oh you're not a stranger you've been inside of my mouth for 20 minutes I did not intend to make a sexual joke his face turned red and he was clearly embarrassed but he continued on like a true professional and we were probably both relieved when the appointment was over I had my second dentist appointment today I actually mentally prepared myself to be a model patient who didn't say anything weird thank you very much he had been working in my mouth for about five minutes when he started to seem really comfortable or something his face was red and he was breathing a little heavier I was a bit concerned and also confused like how could I've embarrassed him this time I had hardly spoken so he keeps working in there and then I realized what the heck is happening my dad my dentist was wearing grape-flavored gloves I had been absent mindedly licking his fingers the whole time never going back lady you need to get the dentist consent before you just lick his fingers because if you don't get his consent first that kind of makes you a grey pused our next post is from delica you hear this story millions of times of people unknowingly hooking up with the relatives and finding out about this atrocity in the most Awkward ways and mine was no exception even had to create a new account because it is so embarrassing I was talking to this guy on hinge who had the softest of hazel eyes and at the time I thought he was the one we dated for about five months until the horror struck us that we were relatives since we are both in our mid-20s we were moved away from home and hadn't had time to meet each other's parents instead of doing the traditional I'll bring you over to meet my parents and I'll go over to meet yours we decided for a dinner with both our parents you can pretty much tell where this story goes now long story short we took our families out to a restaurant and when my father stood up from the table to introduce himself to my boyfriend's mother his face turned completely white as she was looking directly at his cousin his uncle's daughter it took her a second to realize as well since my family and his family live on opposite sides of the state's our parents hadn't seen each other in about 30 years and it was coincidence that my boyfriend and I moved to the same city we could tell something was wrong the way our parents looked at each other and they informed us that we were related even though we loved each other we decided it wasn't right to do that was one of the hardest breakups of my life but it had to be done for the sake of our family I told my friends that it didn't work out and silently removed everything from social media edit okay too many comments asking if we hugged passionately and yes your imaginations are now filled well it's like that old saying the family that lays together stays together our next post is from night writer my grandparents don't earn much and our living hand-to-mouth they don't go out much from their house so I helped them in the routine chores like paying bills going to ATMs etc I'm also in charge of collecting their pension few days back my granddad gave me the undertaking required to collect the pension it usually takes an hour but that day it took three I also had some things to attend to so when I was done I realized that it was late I came back to my place we live separately and figured that I'll return his pension the next day the next few days were so hectic that I completely forgot about his pension I usually keep two wallets one is all the cash which I keep at home and has the pension and the other one has only cards I used the latter one more after five days I was in need of some cash so I opened my other wallet and realized that his pension was still sitting there I was horrified and then some guilt came and then a little more I was so ashamed that I ran to their house I knew that they'd be angry so I bought some groceries as compensation as soon as my granddad opened the door I started apologizing he kept smiling during the apology and forgave me as soon as I was done I hand it over the pension and went to keep the groceries in the fridge well my guilt was gone and I was again my normal miserable self I opened the fridge to put the groceries in and it was literally empty except for a few ice trays there was nothing my guilt came running back to me I walked in the kitchen and there was just a half cut loaf of bread I knew I was the cause of this I asked them about it and they told me how they knew I was busy and thought that I'd turn up when I had the time they didn't even try calling me because of the same reason I had never been more ashamed in my life my one mistake pushed them towards starvation they already had a really hard life they had been abandoned by their children who took all their money first their children stopped caring then somewhere down the line they did too and I guess that's why they stopped asking for anything from anyone it's really hard to watch and still they keep smiling with their saddened eyes I guess when you get old you stop expecting from life anymore don't be too hard on yourself Opie based on this story it sounds like your grandparents are lucky to have you around that was our slash today I act up and if you've ever had a terrible screw-up I want to hear from you down in the comments what's the biggest mistake you've ever made

Channel: rSlash

Views: 743,863

Rating: 4.926239 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, choosing, tifu, r/tifu, r/ tifu, today i fd u

Id: dsjOdKkKbA0

Length: 16min 34sec (994 seconds)

Published: Mon May 13 2019