r/Technicallythetruth · Grapes

i'm not like other teenagers i'm 51. well that does separate you from the group what's going on everyone welcome back to easy peasy my name is david the baker and today we're going to be taking a look at r technically the truth now me personally i love this subreddit not only can the subreddit be funny but it can also be painfully true and sometimes we all need a reminder that the truth is painful but i'm sure you know about the subreddit so without further ado let's go how are you only 17 i was born in 2002. i mean it's pretty straightforward you do the math and yeah that adds up if you put alaska on top of the continental united states a lot of people would die i mean i assume that be true but i thought you were taking this fact in a whole another direction officer the victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers detective dear god officer most likely yes you know the year 2020 is so crazy that the idea that people made a cult to worship a deer god doesn't quite surprise me like it should an apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough i can imagine a mother who's just tired of her kids locking them out of the house and they're like mom we just want to go inside stop throwing apples at us i said get away you little kids based on a real story means that the real event happened to a much less attractive person dang that that's tough that i don't know how to take that information it's sad but i also believe that it's probably true yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work the dog probably just thinks awesome now we're both barking solve each problem there are 26 kids at the beach then 37 more kids come how many kids are at the beach now too many for coco 19 that's for sure hey this kid knows his stuff is the bike for sale yes it is what's the lowest you'll go on it two miles an hour anything less than that and you'll tip over hey that's a great tip therapist listen i really need you to relax me banging fist on the table but how can it be a birthday cake flavor if a birthday cake can be any flavor it's madness it's all madness guess who's 11 today everyone who was born 11 years ago oh come on i am hutch you're taking all the fun out of my birthday in 1898 nikola tesla once tricked an entire crowd into believing they could control a toy boat by shouting commands he had in fact invented radio control and was piloting the boat himself technically he wasn't pretending they could control it with their verbal commands as long as he did what they said technically correct is the best kind of correct ah this man's a genius it would have been just as impressive if he had just said hey i invented radio control but no he had to play games this boneless avocado heart eyes emojis avocados don't have bones that's why i said they're boneless but if avocados don't have bones in the first place why would you even have to say it because it's boneless duh exactly i don't know why people don't get this i go to the pizza place and i'm like hey can i get a large pizza with no bones and they look at me like i'm crazy how is that fair shark behind you what's that oh crap the sentence are you as bored as i am can be said backwards and it still makes sense wait a second what uh no backwards it's my i said oh wait all right this one took me a while to get but basically if you say are you as bored as i am backwards and you try and figure it out you're probably just as bored as the other person who made this touche my friend touche what moment changed your life forever ah yes the moment that changed my life forever was probably when i was bored can't argue with that logic did you know that you can hold your breath for the rest of your life no no no this guy's got a point you can actually do that you just hold your breath and then once you pass out and die i mean that's the rest of your life boom this is just marginally funny oh i get it it's stonehedge is that butter no it's stonehedge i can't believe it's not butter it's his favorite spot in the whole house poor shark he's got a loose canine okay that that was clever i like that one if this was posted on reddit i would give this person the biggest award i could if you weigh 99 pounds and you eat one pound of cheese then you are one percent cheese you see i actually like this meme but one thing i don't like is the reaction shot of shaggy just looking at the camera like what like shaggy is a pretty slim and lean guy and he eats whole sandwiches in one bite so he's probably like nine percent junk food chefs have read it what do you make when you're drunk about 12.50 an hour got a new car chicks love it i hate to break it to you guy but those are adult chickens so uh doesn't quite fit the pun you gotta commit to the joke you should have bought baby chicks to put inside of your car it would have been hilarious a bottle of coke and a can of coke are two very different flavors and so is a bag of coke delicious in cell on one side xl on the other incorrectly assuming something is a date okay that that's very true old krogan man a preserved human body over 2000 years old how do you only find the middle third what happened to this guy well i'm no expert but i think he died oh you think i can't tell he might he might still be alive maybe my thing is how did his body get preserved in the first place like where did his body need to be stored to keep it at this level for over 2000 years like that's crazy do men still open car doors how else is he supposed to get in i'm gonna let you guys in on a little secret about guys we actually don't open car doors we just phase right through the door and into the driver's seat just another overly dramatic post oh don't worry i've got you and i'm never letting you go oh john i love you i love you too babe okay maybe i took that a little too far but can you blame me in an atom the number of electrons are equal to the correct answer would be the number of protons but i mean you're not wrong by saying the number of electrons whatever happens to emos like where do they go if your social group is defined by a suicidal nature don't expect it to last a long time i mean it's only fair if you just won 30 million dollars and your mom's left eye costs 29 million dollars what are you doing she can keep it why the f would i want her left eye anyways oh you know that's not what they meant i love how 568 people were like yeah this guy's got a point why would i want to keep her eye god where is that falcon oh there it is oh oh my god my leg my leg me sees windmill windmill well i just want to say i am a huge fan that's so stupid it's so stupid and i laughed anyways oh i got the uh i got the humor of a child oh man a typical female's brain let's see we got the frontal lobe the temporal lobe the cerebellum the spinal cord yep yep all checks out who wins this fight and why okay so we have thor against batman you're literally putting the god of thunder against a guy with a sore throat in a halloween costume you didn't have to do batman like that come on i mean batman sucks i don't like dc at all i'm more of a marvel fan myself but i mean hey come on that was just harsh a fire truck on fire you have become the one thing you swore to destroy i mean like what happens when a fire truck's on fire do you have to call another fire truck like what if that one sets on fire and how did this one even get on fire in the first place like aren't fire trucks filled with water like what's going on man i have a confession when my hubby gets stuck on a part of a video game for a long period of time i will look up the solution on my phone and then give him vague suggestions to push him in the right direction i've been doing this for six years if this dude is stuck on a part for six years i don't think you're doing a pretty good job i mean this person's got a point barbaric red you're clearly not doing your job right every gamer's reaction upon finding a blood covered room well that's not good i'm pretty sure that's not exclusive to just gamers lgbtq is so gay yes yes it is will glass coffins become popular remains to be seen you see this is why i like technically the truth you know the puns just freaking kill me man grapes ingredients grapes grapes oh be careful we got some loose gravel over here loose gravel more like loose mountain like you're gonna die if you go down this trail simon berger paints portraits on glass by shattering it with a hammer oh that is some next level stuff it's amazing but how with a hammer didn't you read the title like come on man i love my job man all you do is boss me around all day what did you say you heard me but you know who else liked seeing things through hitler's perspective hitler you clearly won the round man just take your card and go help i'm being murdered what do you mean you're being murdered that's illegal people can't do that what if that's how everything worked like what you being robbed but that's not his money tell him to give it back honey tell me what's wrong if you were invisible and your eyes were closed would you see through your eyelids oh god you get the power to go back and prevent one celebrity's death who do you choose oh that's easy keanu reeves pretty sure he's not dead yes you're welcome hold up kiwi's eating kiwis now that's what i call cannibalism how to speak a foreign language step one go to a foreign country step two speak your mother tongue it's definitely the easiest way to speak a foreign language aside from the fact that you'd have to pay thousands to fly to a foreign land but at least you don't have to learn another language did you know left-handed people have a higher chance of finishing their exams on time than people with no hands wow so that's what you were going for life a sexually transmitted terminal disease oh god that is what it is isn't it useless fact number six sitcoms are often filmed in front of a live audience because filming in front of a deceased audience is widely frowned upon oh okay so so what if every show that doesn't have a laugh track is filmed in front of a dead studio audience and that's why we don't hear any of the laughs oh i might be on to something the first cells were probably lonely wait why didn't this person get the question right they probably were lonely we don't know we weren't there robert de niro will be lucky if he makes 7.5 million this year lawyers say i too will be lucky if i earn 7.5 million this year i don't get the perspective of the article like 7.5 million dollars is insanely good but i guess it's all a matter of perspective some millionaires they're like god only 7.5 million that's chump change florida man tells neighbors he's going to kill them with kindness and then tries to kill them with a machete he named kindness okay that's a that's a little messed up but to be fair he did tell them the truth so even though he wasn't kind he at least was honest meat without feet well to be fair fish don't have feet but neither do deer or cow so i mean meat without feet could mean a lot more animals than just fish sailors first time seeing mermaids they had us in the first half i'm not gonna lie friend holy crap it's midnight yeah it happens every 24 hours seriously greg i don't know why you're still surprised about this top three richest people in the world jeff bezos with 115 billion dollars bill gates with 89 billion dollars and maurice jones with 17 technically maurice is closer to being a millionaire than both jeff and bill and you know what else is crazy jeff bezos is no longer worth 115 billion now he's worth 200 billion so this guy just keeps getting richer who can jump higher than a mountain everyone can mountains can't jump see this is the part of technically the truth that's annoying we've heard this joke a thousand times before but technically it's still the truth so let's move on name a movie that was ahead of its time a movie about the year 2020 named 2012 and came out in 2009 facts just just straight up facts jesus getting his nails done oh oh god why does jesus's face look like that it looks like roger from american dad like ah yeah make sure you make my nails look pretty it's it's just crazy i don't like it no one literally no one oh get it cause there's no one isn't that isn't that so funny nothing is written in stone well i mean if the stone says so how do i unblur not safe for work pictures by turning 18. come on kid we're on to your hustle we know what you're trying to do wait until you're 18 or just make an account saying you're 18 because there's no real safeguards to that either way don't ask stupid questions admin please add these two numbers sure that number and that number equals this number i really like this meme because i can just say that number and that number instead of actually having to say 980 to what like you know what i ca i couldn't do it i just couldn't rick and morty fan base in a nutshell rick and morty fan base in a nutshell to all the people out there suffering from paranoia just remember you're not alone and you'll never be alone because the voices in your head are here and they're never gonna leave so you type in the password bar incorrect then press enter the password is incorrect try again but if the password is incorrect then why am i wrong a good percentage of my friends are nazis that percentage is zero that's a good percentage of nazi friends to have op change your url this is freaking fantastic yeah it's not bad jokes by jeff it's fantastic jokes by jeff shower thoughts you cannot recite the digits of pie backwards yeah well listen here you little shoe are you an r pirate or a yo ho ho pirate i'm in i'm not paying 600 for photoshop pirate same a diss track is just two grown men sitting in separate rooms writing poems about each other i mean again it's not incorrect but when you phrase it like that it just it seems so much more lame not my post but i thought it fit here well you thought correctly because it fits perfectly here kanye west becomes the president what are you expecting to change well clearly the president puppies are sons of a bee what how could you say something like that ah wait you're right fine just take the upvote got called a racist in the airport today tell us what happened i got called racist in an airport yeah but why i was being racist oh not a particularly interesting story but i mean if you were being racist then that's just what happens my boyfriend caught me masturbating while i was on my period and he kept screaming i caught you red-handed no no he's got a point your results aren't good can i see them probably not you're very much blind they say that revenge is a dish best served cold they also say revenge is sweet so basically revenge is ice cream oh god who knew ice cream could be so evil me and my second rodeo this ain't my first rodeo am i the only one who really likes cowboy carson like just i love it what would stalin think of putin something in russian i don't know well thank you for that brilliant contribution honey tell me what's wrong both concrete and glass are mostly made of sand which makes skyscrapers just really tall sand castles a pair of scissors can cut your electricity bill by 100 yes and then you can live like a hobbit without electricity and in the dark healing the blind huh jesus what's the catch oh you'll see you'll all see oh god that's so cursed what is a go-to joke nobody's ever heard before i know several jokes in sign language but i guarantee nobody has ever heard them oh that's a good one i am faster than the speed of something slower now that's the motivational affirmations you should be giving yourself every day you may not be fast but at least you're faster than something that's slower than you smoothie smoothie maker smoothie maker maker smoothie maker maker maker smoothie maker maker maker maker technically you could keep this going and make an infinite chain by adding the mom's mom to the picture and then so on and so forth until it's infinite you son of a mom it's hard to argue with his assessment you are in fact a son of a mom speedrunners are literally spending all of their time in games trying not to spend as much time in games well yes but actually no there was a spider on my desk but it's under control now wait did you get rid of the spider or is it still under the control button i don't like the uncertainty here breaking news man hospitalized with six plastic horses up his butt doctors describe his condition as stable yeah well if he's got six horses up his butt it practically is a stable baby giving a man a piggyback ride at first i thought this guy was being abusive but then i realized that the kid is his stepchild just take my upvote and leave i'm starting to think that technically the truth is run by one guy who just goes around making memes and everybody's like okay you're right but just go just take the upvote and go how i fall off a staircase step one step two step three step six step eleven step sixteen yeah yep that's how it goes i've got the power found these infinity stones in my sister's drawer oh god she currently has the soul stone with herself oh yikes oh goodness behind every smile there's teeth well technically if our lips were to just disappear it would look like we're all smiling so i'll leave you with that creepy thought reasons he's not texting you well for one it's a freaking landmine landline oh my god i meant to say landline it's not a landmine jesus why isn't he talking to me every time i your tell have fingertips but your toes don't have toe tips yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger look the more you think about the english language the more you're going to be uncomfortable with how confusing it is so just don't ask questions if you do these for 30 days you will be unrecognizable let's see sleep for eight plus hours drink two liters minimum of water a day high ph if possible get sun daily no sugar read for 30 minutes a day work out three times a week capture someone and cut off their face and sew it onto your face and meditate for 10 minutes daily yup you do all those things and you won't be recognizable to the cops because the cops will be looking for you humans produces vibrations with their throat in the correct tone other humans you're going to hollywood don't forget to wash your hands oh god i'll never look at lego people the same huh the opposite of firefly is waterfall ah come on my thing is why are you sleeping with like five different people i you know i don't i don't care well everyone that's my time i hope you enjoyed this episode of r slash technically the truth if you did like this video make sure to support the video by pressing the subscribe button down below and don't forget to press the notification bell to be notified of all our easy peasy uploads but anyways i'm your host david the baker and i will see you in the next video peace out and three thumbs up

Channel: EzPz

Views: 241,856

Keywords: reddit, reddit top posts, reddit best posts, reddit top posts of all time, top posts of all time, top posts, best posts, posts, reddit posts, reddit funny, r/, subreddit, top all time, reddit true stories, r/technicallythetruth, r/technicallythetruth top posts, technically the truth, r/technicallythetruth best posts, r/technicalythetruth emkay, emkay, r/technicallythetruth ezpz, ezpz, ez pz

Id: Z_1Z4olVThw

Length: 18min 8sec (1088 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 23 2020