r/Relationships - HUSBAND SAYS I'M EMBARRASING HIM WHILE IN LABOUR

g'day there guys it's your main man marky back at it again with another episode of r slash relationship advice now if you love me like i love you i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the barbie and enjoy today's bloody good contents posted by user throw ra 54098 titled my 20 female boyfriend 20 male said that i was embarrassing him while i was giving birth to our baby we have been in a relationship for one year and we had a baby boy last week i had a natural birth and my boyfriend was there throughout the whole process i screamed a lot and each time i did he whispered something like can you stop screaming you're really embarrassing me i also threw up a few times and i saw him cover his face in shame when i held the midwife's hand for comfort he whispered let go of her stop being so embarrassing he also said that my birthing position was embarrassing and called me a few vulgar names i'm really upset about his behavior that day especially when it was when i needed his support the most when i try to talk to him about it he denies ever saying it and that i'm being silly edits i know that there are a lot of comments but i'm reading them all and i just want to say thank you everybody for the advice and support so far i spoke to my mum about this but she is the very traditional type and although she said his behavior is wrong i should try couples counselling first i really don't think he's going to listen to me when i suggest getting help but i'll try i'm also going to talk to my public health nurse edit 2 thank you so much to everybody who commented and dm'd me with words of support and those who have also been in similar situations i have since tried to discuss the options of couples counseling to him but to no avail which didn't surprise me my mum has agreed to let me stay there until i can find a new place for myself and baby i haven't said anything to him yet i have been advised not to so i'm still planning out how i'm going to take the next step i 24 female literally crapped myself a lot while having a contraction then my water broke a minute after my husband 25 male helped the nurse clean me up then he helped hold me up as i delivered our son not to mention him holding everything together at home the whole time and constantly being present and ready to help at any moment that is all said to assure you that your boyfriend's behavior is not normal and is not acceptable you are not being silly this is a huge red flag and a big indicator of what his future behavior will be like in stressful situations please don't feel like you have to stay with him just because you have a baby together you deserve better than this two-thirds of women crap themselves when giving birth so can you only imagine if op did childbirth isn't pretty it's beautiful bringing life into the world but everything else is no a lot of fluids and stuff can you stop crapping while you give birth to my child you're embarrassing me in front of these doctors i'll never see again right seriously i feel for opie she should have never had to deal with that there's no room for embarrassment in time because it's just what it is it's gross it smells you're exposed and the last thing opie needed was someone pointing that out and shaming her i'm surprised your midwife didn't tell him to leave the room while he was acting like that i'd hate to see how he copes with a crying baby keep your eye on him seriously she said he was whispering the midwife probably had no idea what he was whispering to her and most likely assumed it was supportive that's honestly so damn sad opie deserved something supportive in that moment opie deserves something supportive all the time the gaslighting and emotional abuse which this definitely was won't stop out of the blue opie has a long road ahead of her seriously my good friend's niece had a man-child of a buyer dad who ended up shaking her so hard when she was four to five months old that she needed multiple surgeries on her brain and eyes she was blind for months and while her vision has since come a long way it still isn't perfect she has cerebral palsy which she wasn't born with she's five now and hardly speaks and cannot walk her father is in prison now and the family disowned him as soon as they found out what he had done opie needs to be careful and plan an exit strategy this is so sad and i have a bad gut feeling about it i'm so sorry my child's father who was no longer around and i'm separated from also acted as though i was embarrassing him i screamed and screamed my contractions hurt so horribly like i was being stabbed over and over and he just looked at me so rudely and literally left the room a few times all i can remember of this day is mostly him making me feel like i was doing something wrong i deserved better you deserve better please get out now and opie replies thanks for sharing this can i ask if he mistreated you in other ways too and how did you go about leaving him he actually started out normal over the progression of the pregnancy he began to be intimidated by me and jealous i'm very kind and nothing to be jealous of he was insecure and started to be degrading he used to call me out of shape and a [ __ ] often he told me i was wasting someone's scholarship money going to college because i was too dumb to graduate this was in 2018 i graduated with a bachelor's degree in the winter of 2019. he would strangle me when i would call him out on his abuse he secretly unlocked my windows so he could get back into my house when i tried to kick him out there is so much more he went to prison for the first year of her life for unrelated crimes and that's basically how i escaped i honestly feel like i would have killed him or he would have killed me if i didn't get away edits in response to the people saying i'm horrifying for saying i would have killed him he also held me at gunpoint smothered me with a mattress threw keys at my c-section incision two days after surgery and tried to run me over with my own car when i ran away with him after he hid my keys and phone if i killed him it would have been self-defense updates my boyfriend said that i was embarrassing him while i was giving birth to our baby thank you so much for everyone's advice and support both through dms and on the original post i want to update as many people were very concerned and i promised it to a few people reading people's responses reassured me about how serious the situation was and how i'd be stupid if i stayed in the relationship and allowed it to get worse i spoke to my mum who recommended couples counselling and if that didn't work then i would be allowed to live with my parents i then approached him when he came home and gave him an ultimatum i told him that he can either continue to ignore that he acted horribly during the birth and other numerous times or he can admit to how he has treated me and apologize and get counselling but obviously he continued to gaslight me and got extremely angry to the point where he was screaming at both me and the baby he ended up storming out to his best friends i was also advised against couples counselling by many of you as you said it often encourages an abuser's behavior which made a lot of sense and i wish i read that before speaking to him my mum came round after he left and said he's an a-hole and even though she doesn't agree with single parenting she thought anything would be better than staying with him and enabling his behavior he has tried to visit me in the baby since as he guessed i was at my mum's both my mom and i have told him it's over and that we're leaving the rest down to the courts i will be telling my solicitor everything so who knows what the custody arrangements will be i'm just glad that myself and my baby are out of there and i can finally enjoy being a mother yesterday i went shopping and bought what i wanted instead of what he wanted and i never felt so free since before i met him to many people that will sound ridiculous but quite frankly he controlled every single aspect of my life however i am planning on going to therapy as i feel like the bad experience i had at my birth as well as his abuse in other areas has left a profound effect on me i also called a few domestic abuse hotlines and they gave me some brilliant advice thank you to whoever it was that sent me those what was weird was the best friend he went over to see actually contacted me yesterday to see how happy he is to hear that i'm leaving him he said he noticed how unhappy he made me and how disrespectful he is around women as a whole and that the abuse didn't exist just towards me but to his colleagues also so it's good to know that i have a few people on my side no doubt things will be constantly changing from now until the foreseeable future and i am terrified but the main thing is that i'm away from him and me and my son are safe and that i'm feeling empowered enough to know that the way he treated me was 100 percent wrong and that he will pay the right price as long as i fight for it thanks again i won't forget all of you that helped me in the time when i needed it the most bubonic plagiarism says i had my first child when i was 17. my boyfriend was an asshat too he was abusive controlling and much like your ex ruined my early days as a new mom and undermined my confidence as a mother and a person so i left him moved back home to raise my daughter alone i was terrified lonely and had postnatal depression i got my mental health back on track rocked motherhood thoroughly enjoyed every second of being a mum raising my incredible girl she's 26 now the freedom to go where i wanted speak to anyone i wanted to by things i wanted for myself and my daughter was so freeing it's ridiculous how such tiny things make you realize how controlled you really were by the time my girl was 1 years old i had a great job that allowed me to have my daughter with me full time i had my own place and eventually i met a great guy who treated my daughter as his own my life was suddenly great i'm 43 now i have three amazing kids and a wonderful husband and i wouldn't change a thing rp replies thank you for sharing i feel the same it's insane once you leave and realize how much you lost whilst you were in the relationship so happy that your life is better now i'm hoping my story ends up as inspirational as yours posted by user throw ra cheated 11 titled my 28 female boyfriend 28 male of 8 years cheated on me with his best friend's fiancee and is now begging me for a second chance i still love him but i don't know what to do throw away because our friends follow my main account and i don't want them to know about this backgrounds i met my boyfriend in college when we had a class together he was struggling because of his party lifestyles but me being a studious introvert was thriving he begged me to help him and i relented eventually i hated his guts but for some reason he made me fall in love with him he was such an open book too and waited patiently for me and i didn't let him kiss me until four months into dating and i didn't sleep with him until our one year anniversary he was my first and i really wanted to be sure i was giving my virginity to someone who truly loved me i didn't ask him to but he slowly gave up partying and drinking for me and we both found a new friend group in college who we've maintained to this day he gave up everything willingly because he said he'd rather spend time at home with me the one thing from his past that he didn't give up though was his childhood best friend who will call max max always hated me i think he blames me that he sees my boyfriend only a few times a month and that he isn't fun anymore he also openly questions our relationship in front of both of us and says stuff like you'll come to your senses eventually when talking to my boyfriend i told him i wasn't comfortable so since then he never let max around me but they still hung out and i didn't really mind because i trusted him okay so this is what happened recently max got engaged to his long-term on-again off-again girlfriend and invited both of us over to celebrate it would have been just the four of us restrictions have been lifted in our area as long as contact and amount of people involved were kept to a minimum i declined which in retrospect was a big mistake boyfriend offered to stay with me but i told him he didn't need to and i understand if he wanted to support max even though i despised the guy again this was a mistake in retrospect the next morning boyfriend came home crying we are living together he was still clearly hungover so i bathed him and put him to bed when he woke up a few hours later he told me everything apparently he got really really drunk at the party max's fiancee who i guess i'll call homewrecker or hm was very flirty with him the whole night and helped him when he passed out next thing boyfriend says he remembers was when he woke up hm was giving him a bj while he was naked he said he was too drunk and just went along with it while max watched according to boyfriend they're into the whole hot wife thing whatever that means next thing boyfriend says he remembers was waking up naked next to hm with a bunch of used condoms around them he rushed home after that my heart is breaking right now guys i really don't know what to do he's been begging me for a second chance even showing me that he blocked max and hm on everything he also promised never to contact them again he also swears to not drink when i'm not around anymore and that he'd keep his phone unlocked and that i can look through it whenever i wanted no questions asked he kept telling me how much he regrets it and how much he loves me and that i'm the only one sad thing is i believe him this man was my first everything and i feel like my world is just crumbling around me a few weeks ago we were thinking about getting married and how many kids we wanted now i can't even look at him without my heart breaking in two this all happened a few days ago and i've barely left the room he's giving me space but he's also doing the little things that make me fall for him again he keeps the house clean he's been cooking me the food i like and leaving short love notes beside it on the dinner table i'm lost right now i so desperately want to forgive him but every time i look at him i can't shake off the image of him being with another woman i know i was never his first but he kept promising me that i was going to be his last and he broke it despite everything though deep down i still love him guys i don't know where to go from here i'm crying just typing this out but i don't have anyone to talk to about this usually when problems this big come up in my life he's the one that i turn to for help i love him but i don't know if i can trust him anymore what should i do will couples counseling help should i just cut my losses and end it he seems very very remorseful and he did confess to the whole thing immediately after should i give him a chance sorry for the long rants i'm just lost right now max doesn't like you they got your boyfriend stuck to the point of passing out and took advantage of him i'm sorry this sounds harsh to you but he doesn't need your forgiveness for something he didn't consent to you need to be supporting him and looking at this from the right angle i'm sorry this happened to the both of you but you guys should talk about pressing charges this was intentional on their parts his friend set him up to make it look like he cheated on you probably knowing what his reaction would be and hoping the fallout would be you leaving him i think you should revisit the subject with him find out how much he drank was it more than he can normally handle could he have been drugged you already know he absolutely did not want to do it so how did the situation play out that got him there stop looking at it as if he cheated on you and realized that he was assaulted and needs your help updates my boyfriend of eight years cheated on me with his friend's fiancee and is now begging me for a second chance i still love him but i don't know what to do first of all i'd like to say thank you for all of those who gave me really solid advice in my last post a lot has happened in the last few days sorry i haven't been replying to any of you i just didn't think i was in the right headspace to actually hold a meaningful conversation rest assured i did read all of your replies even the really mean ones so where do i begin well i think some of you would be delighted to know that he left me for not being supportive sucks to be me i guess i guess you guys were right i am a sucky girlfriend he's now off to be with his brand new supportive girlfriend nah just kidding but some of you would have wanted that to happen right so here's what really happens after reading some of your comments i started to see things from a different perspective i never really thought of it as anything other than cheating and it didn't help that when he came home to me that morning he claimed to have cheated on me and i guess my mind just started going to a dark place where logic goes out the window it's definitely not an excuse but i really wasn't in the right mindset after he said he cheated i guess it was after the realization that this man would never willingly hurt me is when all the anger and pain of being cheated on was washed away i couldn't really bring myself to talk to him at first he was on the couch blankly staring at whatever was on tv he looked empty i sat beside him and told him i had no intentions of breaking up well he came to life almost instantly and before i knew it his arms were wrapped around me he was shaking and i could tell he was crying i was too remember when i said i felt my world was crumbling around me well for the first time in what seemed like forever i could feel it start to fall back into place i didn't realize how much a simple embrace can be so calming everything was starting to feel right again then we talked he apologized again for cheating and when i told him i didn't think he cheated he had a puzzled look on his face i asked him if he gave consent and he said no i tried to explain i guess he still doesn't realize that he was actually taken advantage of he said the first thing that came to mind after what happened was that he cheated and was so afraid of losing me this man after being taken advantage of first thought of how much he betrayed me instead of how he was betrayed himself i was flawed he said his first response had to be to win me back which is why he's been going the extra mile the last few days taking care of me from a distance when it was my turn to speak i told him how sorry i was for not being supportive i jumped to conclusions without actually thinking about it clearly which was pretty out of character for me a few more exchanges after that and the conversation shifted to max and hm i told him that i never wanted him anywhere near max or her again and he agreed i've always thought that he was a bad influence but i never thought he'd take it this far so i never stopped him from seeing his ex-best friend he showed me his phone which didn't have a lock anymore he said he blocked both of them on everything but he wanted to keep the open phone policy he said it's so i can be sure he isn't back in touch with max i urged him to file a police report but he was against it he said that even if he was taken advantage of he couldn't bring himself to do it i didn't really know about it at first but his family and max's family had a very long history of friendship their mothers were college best friends and their dads worked together not only were the two of them close even their families were close i thought they were just neighbors but it was more than that i didn't know because every time i visit his family the topic was never brought up and i haven't really met any of max's family except for his little sister who came by to play with my boyfriend's little brother he said he didn't want to ruin decades of friendship and would be content with just going no contact with max he's getting tested later today and i hope that [ __ ] didn't give my man anything i'm also pretty confident my boyfriends didn't get hm pregnant because max absolutely hates children so i imagine hm would be on birth control given how many dudes she sleeps with boyfriend and i came to the conclusion that max most likely set the whole thing up to break us apart so he can have his best friend back they used to be partners in crime after all when it came to parties and picking up women i would like to point out that i did not force him to change he chose to do so but i know he did it for me which just makes me fall in love with him even more when we first met he was still the playboy party animal he was but he told me after hanging out with me for a few weeks that he didn't really feel like sleeping around anymore i didn't really believe him at first obviously i've also noticed that a few people were bashing me for making him wait one year for sex i'm sorry i just have different views i believe that sex is for people who love each other so i wasn't willing to sleep with anyone i wasn't deeply in love with and didn't love me back i don't judge people who sleep around my boyfriend has a high body count but i don't really hold it against him but back then i just wanted to be sure i wasn't just a girl he bangs or a conquest but someone who he actually loves and sees a future with considering his past i was very skeptical for a while and i had my walls up the entire time but he slowly tore them apart and i'm glad he did that reluctant yes when he first asked me out was and still is one of the best decisions i've ever made max's plan had the opposite effect it's rough now but i can see this experience making our relationship even stronger i love him more than ever believe it or not and i'm sure he feels the same way the last few days have taught us both how crappy our lives would be without each other i guess it made us value each other more not that either of us took the other for granted and yes we are both getting therapy both individually and as a couple to be honest i'm still shaken over the whole thing even when we cuddle i can still imagine hm having a way with him and i can't help but cry about it if i'm still shaken up by the whole thing i can only imagine how much worse it is for him but i'll be there for him every step of the way i know he didn't cheat i know he won't break my heart i know that he loves me i know that i love him it's hard right now but knowing those facts makes me more confident that we can see this through one redditor pointed out that we were soul mates and i like to think that we are i can't see myself being with anyone but him thanks again for all your advice and for making me see things differently i'll try to reply and answer questions when necessary and when i can alright i think that's where we're going to leave today's episode guys i really do hope you enjoyed the content today if you guys loved watching it as much as i loved making it i would love for you to subscribe to the channel already if you haven't tell me what you thought of it down in the comments below maybe like the video who knows i'd also like to take this time to thank my awesome patreon and channel members without you guys you know i don't know what i'd do i'd probably be homeless on the streets of ireland crying irish dancing all over town it would just be a mess but now for real you guys are up on the screen now thank each and every one of you guys and if you personally want to join the club yourself there are links down in the description below there's also the join button next to the subscribe button small monthly fee but hey it goes a long way to help me create more awesome content with that said guys i hope you do have a lovely day night sleep evening day at work day at school whatever you're up to i hope you keep awesome today you're looking amazing and i will see you in the next video bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 38,994

Rating: 4.9244885 out of 5

Keywords: r/relationshipadvice, relationship, advice, relationshipadvice, r/relationship, reddit, Markee, Markee relationship, r/justnoMIL, r/amitheasshole

Id: opFSOmlMEoE

Length: 25min 31sec (1531 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 22 2020