Reading Your Darkest Confessions - Eboys Podcast #30

right hello welcome back to the eboyz podcast how are we doing boys how how are we all i'm great actually i'm doing pretty well i'm doing pretty good how are you will i'm brilliant george i'm doing really good right england one light it's nearly still light outside and we're recording a podcast why are you so happy what's what's what's with that i'm saying it's nearly there's nearly light in the sky still and we're recording a podcast i've got my window open oh yeah the clocks did the thing didn't they they did the thing and i won't i woke up at like 12 p.m and i was like what what yeah oh that freaked me out last week i generally always sat on my phone no neither do i because time is it doesn't exist anymore i was up watching i don't know why i've never watched game of thrones but over the last three days i've been watching every clip i could find from game of thrones in completely random order so i don't know what the [ __ ] happening but i'm intrigued save yourself the week or two honestly right i did i've been doing the exact same thing i've been doing the thing the same thing with breaking bad except i've seen breaking bad before so i know how the story goes i accidentally spoiled breaking bad for someone the other day because you know there's no who hasn't seen if someone hasn't seen breaking bad at this point they deserve to have it yeah they deserve it careful we'll lose some we'll lose some viewers no spoilers coming it's fine one spoiler can i do this no spoilers bro okay right well okay well the point is i will do it without spoiling it there's the reaction image of heisenberg going right yeah yeah and um the reaction right i said that in a chat and obviously on discord it comes up with the title of the image before the image pops up the today the topic is today we're going through your darkest your dirtiest confessions no not confront yeah confessions yeah confessions yeah there you go dance and we're going to judge you if you're scum or not okay i'm very excited to see what the depths of the e-boys following me i'll be honest right so we've had all i go over and and star some and i've clicked the first one and it's rotten it's got to show your screen i'm today i'm going to be using my uh reading comprehension to uh go for all of these the only e boy he's got that get really close to the mic and whisper in it go on a bit of it okay oh my god yeah give a good old story this one comes from alex i once laughed at my teacher for crying about her child being ill that's the start yep okay only to find out her first child died and she was worried that her other child would die as well oh no what did the child have it doesn't say right i think it was ligma [Laughter] probably a bit insensitive [Laughter] 2018's on the [ __ ] phone sorry sorry sorry we don't know if the other kid died though what were we saying about that are we first of all well you're a child though and it's just that's impetus that's just being a bit daft yeah yeah you see oh i went for the big word there didn't know it and then what i knew stuck to what i knew there that's in petrol it would have been tragic if the child had these oh that's not right i'm moving on these nuts i don't think that is that bad i also i'm calling slight cap on it it would be bad if the child had these nuts so when it george if a child had these nuts that would be pretty terrible do not make this next hour difficult i've got a lot of these to read through oh yeah the shoes on the other foot now this one comes from maddie okay it's in morse code already funny automatic oh god she sold her where she she told us where she is uh when i was in year seven i used to walk like an hour and a half home and one time i went into morrison's because i had to buy something for my mum turns out i really needed to piss so i ended up going on the floor sorry long story short i was yes you do yeah as you do yeah there's people always going around there mopping up it's basically like doing it in the shower hmm that's horrific like pissing on the morrison's floor is just like dragon how many more people have pissed on morrison's floor then they have a waitrose floor do you reckon there's millions like you know like you know when you divide by zero and it's like infinite yeah i don't really do that and wait choice right yeah no i wouldn't dare piss on a waitrose floor i was lucky enough that i had a drink in my hand so i blamed it on that i still had to walk another 40 minutes home that's horrific it's like alex with the phantom sorry yeah yeah related boys actually i i think that i understand what they're coming from i understand the problem there um that is horrific why would you even send that into anybody why would you admit to doing that could you've gone into a subway no no that's not no no no no no that's not good i think the worst one the first one was worse than that he just pissed on the morrison's floor they yeah they are 16 years old as well so oh what they pissed on the floor at 16. oh no it says when i was in year seven sorry i only just all right right so twelve eleven that's not that deep yeah nice like it's a bit weird but like if that's your deepest darkest secret i think you're all right you're doing all right yeah yeah no you've lived a pretty tame life i think you can stay around i knew someone who was above the age of 20 who shot himself at university is this you no so i've got a friend of a friend yeah [Music] this one comes in from uh hold on here's a juicy one gives a juicy one we need to kick this off give us a long one this one comes in from ruby p sorry this one you'll see the names are you definitely allowed to say the names i've just said the first names yeah that'll be fine okay get rid of the p right okay okay we've got ruby peters we've got jemima oh my god it can't be that bad when i was three years old i used to swing my cat around by her tail and pretend she was a circus animal oh no i have also exploded pens in my mouth at least 10 times i've done that no yeah i think the first one's a bit worse than we started up here then we got dodie yeah i thought it said that she used to explode pens in her cat's mouth oh yeah that would have been horrific yeah that would be quite bad it would have been the cat's fault for biting it yeah yeah that's how that works that's a strange combination though like to pick those two as your deepest darker confessions i abuse animals also sometimes i chew on a pen a bit too hard i don't think those really go hand in hand and it was when there were three well come on we need a we find a bastard okay well i found one okay this one from clifford i was the one who put bit oh god guys i used to put bin bags over the year 10 toilet seats and wrote signs saying out of order even though the toilets were not out of order bloody l clifford that's the kind of thing i do is that it bloody l cliff who can't believe this who brings in bin bags to school our audience is a [ __ ] nix man we need some like arsonists or something yeah then we'll get there we'll get to like the murder charges hopefully by the end of this we [ __ ] better do do you reckon somebody's watched us has murdered someone yep yeah yeah oh yeah statistically they must have yeah for sure johnny how many peop okay i'm gonna see what are the odds of being a murderer i'm sure at least 20 people have murdered the beat right but what exactly you have to do as if our audience are filled with hip-hop entrepreneurs i don't really i don't know i don't understand i don't think clifford's playing yeah well you know i laid out a 616. it's an art and you know you gotta respect it let's try to use big words to make myself seem intelligent it didn't really work i mean i'm looking at something it says americans have one chance in 133 of being murdered what and then surely everyone else is like one in one thousand compared to them a lot yeah yeah but um like one in 133 yeah that seems really high that's [ __ ] very high that's really that's mental high um i don't know america ten people in in your school will turn out to be murderers i don't know i'm trying to find a statistic oh but then that's but the statistic is 133 have a chance of being murdered not the murderer because you obviously get like people that kill a lot of people yeah but most of the time murderers will kill like one or two people won't they yeah or like they'll just kill someone out of anger you know i mean so wait what what is the statistic then i don't know it's not it's not telling me but um i'm seeing this 133 pop up a lot that's worrying but i say statistically there is at least one murderer watching this damn wow that's terrifying well that's killed the [ __ ] mood i don't want to do it for him anymore or here reckon someone's watching us in prison cheers uh hopefully they send us an email send us an email if you're watching right you get out get out of this podcast so we've got some vibes yeah yeah if you're not gonna contribute at least admit to it we can get them on as a guest graphically describe how you murdered someone yeah come on in and basically confess and that will be an episode not a bang i once lied about where i was born to everyone in high school to stand out that's [ __ ] who cares who cares raise the level james look i'm going through all right where do you reckon they lied where do you reckon they're actually from i don't care scum thought they're from skunk when they said they were from yeah i was born in switzerland yeah yeah sure so one day when i was 10 i was playing a game on my mum's phone and i opened her camera roll i was looking for pictures of my cat but instead of the cat pictures i found pictures of her fatty oh no different type of [ __ ] but it's terrifying oh that's a good one yeah though that's all i mean and i've not been the same since smiley face oh god i mean like imagine what kind of person takes how like they imagine like the idea of taking a picture of your vagina like i can't to be honest would you go for that where are you going where you going with this where are you going we're like yeah i want to be able to relate well i just can't imagine like what kind of mum goes this man wants to see a picture of my vagina not like a you know you see what you're saying once you've had a kid you're funny useless funny bad i mean i don't i wouldn't know but i mean i don't know what the [ __ ] when well no i don't mean like that but it's it's a it's a funny picture it's not like a nude you know it's a picture of a vagina oh but it might have been for um what's it called the vagina doctor that one the vagina doctor oh my god i once shat on my mates hamster sorry what why had ha ha what how how did that work did he get him like hold him in his hands [Laughter] hopefully we're about to find out right no that's it is there a video attached this is a business email this is steven something business [Laughter] uh what does he sell oh god i don't want to know what are the logistics behind that check his email in chat i'll try and find out what he does what hamster man does we're not here to dox these people but i don't think i'm calling cap it was too it's not detailed enough for me to believe it yeah i probably didn't do that yeah yeah it's just very generic cookie cutter yeah shut on a hamster in it yeah my confession he's a voice actor i think from shiloh is one time i cut the wire of my teacher's computer because i was feeling risky and it somehow made all of the power go out in the school no one knows it was me nobody cares come on will we be a bit more creative about all these well he's dull though isn't it well it's like youtube's james bond so he hates all of this i did a [ __ ] stereo confession show and got darker [ __ ] than this i want to hear cheating scandals i want to hear sleeping with your best friend's boyfriend that's what i want to we got any any any naughty ones i was looking after my friend's rabbit while she was away for five days with her family however on the day before she came back the rabbit wouldn't move it was dead i noticed i'd accidentally left a can of slug pellets in the cage the day before oh that's because i was responsible for looking after it and she would absolutely hate me it would also seem intentional as i have a mild fear of bunnies so i devised a plan why did you agree to look after a rabbit if you're afraid of rabbits i mean i suppose no choice i guess the cage was outside so i used pliers from her shed to cut a hole in the cage and made it look like teeth marks and then i put the dead rabbit in a bin bag and put it in the neighbor's bin the next day we both arrived at her house at the same time i had to pretend to be a shock to her when we both saw the rabbit had escaped to this day she still says sometimes i wonder what happened to my rabbit and i have this wave of guilt wash over me that's horrifying oh my god you'd rather just come clean right you have to just have to come clean brutal so if you've had a rabbit going missing at some point this could be it this could be i would vote scumbag i think yeah you just come clean at that point right yeah but surely you're in too deep you're in too deep yeah at that point if it's been like a decade he's like yeah you've covered up a murder there in two d you can't just turn around one day and be like oh yeah i accidentally killed your rabbit yeah if you've gone on for this long but in the moment might i'll just be like [ __ ] gotta admit to this yeah you should have confessed there and then but they didn't so we could really dub in the friend by saying the full name because no we're not going to do that we're not going to do that no james no james we're getting content over this we can't stiffen we're not about there this is confidential you can trust us yeah your confessions are safe your confessions are safe with us all right amy says a few years ago i was staying at friend's house for a party she was having at the party there was this lad that she had a massive crush on and he ended up being all over me after the party we talked on snapchat and ended up sending pigs and stuff to each other and she still doesn't know oh oh best friend in the back did what sorry was there any context did did she just like the lad or the massive crush massive crusher yeah a big one where'd you stand on that yeah so it's not scumbag is it but she hadn't really done anything she didn't she might not have had a hope it might have been a futile crush yeah [ __ ] it like we need to deploy realism here are you calling them our guys i don't know enough we need more detail is your mate [ __ ] ugly yeah like if i'm alex has a crush on a girl that's not gonna that's not gonna deter me you know what i mean yeah too right like if we both like her that's not gonna deter me nothing ever does george no nothing would stop you you just go barreling through we all know you george big strap and lad uh there'll be nothing anybody could do um i don't know how i feel about that i i i just i i think i agree with will there it really depends on the realism in the situation i think you got way up who had the chance well okay if she needed if she had no hope [ __ ] her she needs to grow up you can't claim somebody really just by going oh i fancy him first it's not works yeah exactly it's not like it's not like shotgun is it you can't shock on a human yeah that's a little bit there's a bit objectifying really isn't it it is a bit but you've got to respect your friend as well i think it can really like ruin a friendship if one of you's got a crush on someone you've mentioned that you have it and then you go and do it anyway you know it's just kind of like you can't no it's not risk and rewarding though really yeah i see absolutely no problem with that right well we all know we can trust george well no it's not like they're going out or something it's like someone has a crush on someone yeah what that doesn't that's that there's no like uh what's it you show your true colors today it's not cheating or anything is it like no we no it's understandable if you know someone that has a crush on someone yeah that's not cheating if you get with that person is it no we get it don't worry about it if they've got a hoop don't worry about it has this happened to you george no yeah i feel like you're quite passionate about this i'm just saying it's not immoral you can't you can't put it on like the same platform as cheating because it's not nobody did yeah you'd know it's not cheating i know and nobody said it was nice yeah you're getting very defensive here that one's really hit you yeah you're right there right no i'm just saying because it's not like georgia there's no issue with that george you're trying to hit us right i was once in a zoom for my class and was just browsing instagram when i came across a super hot chick it's this really did you write this one did you write these they're super hot chicks we love super hot [ __ ] sorry oh yeah because i've definitely said super hot chick before how's that i was on the internet i saw some babes on my instagram james james how was the [ __ ] yeah oh great that's nice why do you remember that and one thing led to another and i ended up with my [ __ ] and balls out on camera in front of sorry sorry what hang on what can we wheel this up can we wheel this up from the start please i reckon what he's trying to say here is also called alex it's quite a few of these people um uh basically they didn't know their video was on on a zoom call for an assembly at their school they see someone's instagram they start having a wank and their videos on and 70 of the school see it assembly yeah oh my god that's like that's like top three life worst fears didn't anyone say anything do you reckon it was in that he's got the whole wide world in his hands oh than that in his hands watching also they're saying they want to confess their sins on the podcast but there's nothing to confess here seventy percent of their school know that this happened it's not you know i wish to confess i wish i could focus why is our audience so strange what did we do well he didn't know he didn't know it's no but it's still don't have a wagon yeah fair enough fair enough that he's a bit odd oh [ __ ] me yeah scum are you saying scum right all right take it out of zoom take out a zoom and imagine that in a in a hall-like situation you know when you're sat cross-legged and you turn around you're like out of one can assemble it would be unacceptable and i think you should take the same rules into a zoom call different scenario it's a different scenario but same premise well said alex well said we're learning lots here in this e-boys podcast this one's titled hamster confession oh no no if they shot on it again this one's from oh they don't want that any of their names said here that must be bad yeah a couple of years ago i had a hamster called steven not stephen tries well thanks for confirming and i kept the cage in my bedroom bad decision the cage made the room smell so bad and i couldn't stand it any longer so i took the hamster out and i put it in a little running wheeled ball thing which i just oh my god well i decided to repeatedly spray the cage with air freshener to get rid of the smell and i just put stephen back in without a second fought came back later to see that stephen had died choking on the fumes ripped big man stephen oh that's stupid but it's not malicious it's not evil it's not so stupid that they should have known yeah no they didn't like spray their air freshener down the hamster's mouth that's outrageous that is [ __ ] but i don't think you're a bad person they meant well it's one of those things you learn in life like you shouldn't put air freshener in her yeah don't do that hamster cage how the [ __ ] can something which is supposed to freshen the air make the air poisonous can we talk about that because that doesn't make sense to me too much of anything is bad for you mate maybe because there's so much yeah i've never gone this air is so fresh i'm going to die well now we know james see that person didn't know and now we know they're educating all of us do they they're educating all of us we just saved probably some hamsters lives like that hamster died so many could live on uh through uh because the owners were watching this podcast they'll know not to air fresh in their hamster cages yeah we're very educational here aren't we to be honest we run an educational pod do you have anything that's not hamster related yeah i do uh this one i i don't think it's necessarily that much of a confession but i think it's an interesting conversation i'm in high school and i still sleep with a teddy bear and when i put out covers i have to make sure its head is above the blanket so it can breathe that's nice when he said sleep with i thought that was about to go a lot worse so still what were you about to say you could relate well no what because you seemed to when he said i was like oh he's gonna say like [ __ ] you've got a lot of teddy bears uh yes oh actually the big ones downstairs i think g took the other one i stole them i still slept i mean i sleep with a pusheen oh they're cool though of what i have a pusheen pillow i don't know what a pusheen is it's like a cat oh right but i used to have a teddy bear until secondary school and i wet the bed in year seven so there we go nice james you can stop there if you want honestly you you've got the right to remain silent yeah no we didn't need to know that we weren't pushing you for that anything you might regret in the future you can hold to yourself it's like we're just talking about teddy bears i think i'm very accepting of my childhood trauma i used to have to take i my parents used to make me take sugar pills telling me that they would solve the fact that i used to wet the bed at such a late age and they uh worked it was it was a placebo why are you telling us that why are you telling this to like 300 000 people why did we get anybody to email him we should have just spoken to you yeah we should have just done it on [ __ ] dreams we should have got james james so what happened throughout your life there we go that's an hour this is [ __ ] me so um i don't sleep with teddy bear there you go moving on um confession i hooked up with my cousin in canada on holiday is this one of yours james or one of those here we go [Laughter] i hooked up with my cousin um that's it what all right is there a certain level of hooking up that would be acceptable with your cousin no are you asking a future reference for you alex or for that future reference maybe just to test the waters just just plain definitely certificate you got any sexy cousins alex no i've never done that i'm not like james i'm gonna confess professor elm oh there was a pause did he did anyone hear how long that pause was my internet sucks here that's the only reason why the pause is so long i swear cousin yeah we got the same internet alex i heard that pause no i didn't have to pick it free no i mean you don't have any cousins not one in newcastle they're all brothers and sisters hey boys i've got a weird confession to make a bit of backstory i'm a football coach over here in australia current currently coaching an under 21 female team started coaching them as my ex-girlfriend at the time was playing at this confession it's brilliant and they needed a coach anyways we broke up because i cheated on her with her teammate and got together with that girl now we've been together for about a year um but i've been secretly having sex with other girls in the team and my girlfriend doesn't know should i tell her or not we've got a really good thing going where i love spending time with her but she never wants to have sex and i always do so and they're all on the same team as well they're all on the same [ __ ] so i got this for a stereo [ __ ] show and the girls are all still on the scene the on the team that he the what he coaches yeah why does yeah that's it so what what's his dilemma they must admit to being a scumbo he doesn't know whether to tell his girlfriend who's also on the team so did he cheat on that girlfriend on the new one yes no he cheated on the one before with the new one well you don't need to tell the new one anything isn't it is it like he's sleeping with the team yeah isn't that what you just said but he's sleeping pretty much i think he's been around left back center mid striker left wing falls 10 you're telling me that if at tottenham right now mourinho didn't go around and shag off the player so he wouldn't play probably ten times as better as they would yeah no you can't tell him because it'll ruin team or out for the good of the team stay quiet well the results will go down the pan for the good of the league it depends so done it it depends is your ex-girlfriend is she in the starting eleven is she rotation because if you don't need her oh god is it an elliot hackney level player yeah is it hackley type level it sounds like half the team you can't piss off half the team you just got to keep it yourself toxic king if you were the girl at the right so imagine so you you have your first girlfriend you start coaching the team you cheat on that girl with another girl if you were the girl that um he has left someone for right so you're the second girl he's got brilliant control you've got to um then understand that he is going to keep doing this he's got uh probably a co like probably at least over 20 in the squad and you just think you're the one that he had sex with no yeah but he's going to keep going as long as he doesn't go with the youth team everything's fine oh god he's got under 21s not the under 16s as well yeah i think i i think you've gotten you're in too deep like the hamster woman you just shut up from now on and surely you quit don't don't settle down go manage another team start again oh yeah yeah and without because if they're not if he's if he wants to have sex they're not having sex what i don't get what what's the what's this what is the confession here because also i feel like he's worked out an unbelievable system his football team it'll be the league next he is in a bit of a predicament because he likes the girl he's dating but she she doesn't he likes spending time with her but she doesn't want to have sex with him so i think they've got a good emotional relationship however she does not provide the sexual side of things so he gets that elsewhere but i feel as though if you're not getting that and you need that you shouldn't be in that relationship i've got another question yeah is the team performing better after he's slept with all of them league form don't we yeah compared to before if they're top of the league i say it keeps it under wraps keep on doing what you're doing but maybe if you need a bit of motivation you should be like look i've shagged off of you they were better than that than the other lot and i think they're going to play ahead of you so unless you up your game if you want to play first team you've got to do a bad job and then you could you can climb the league i think this is the new football manager this is how the next game should be oh god you should have an option this is phil neville with the england women's team well the picture is ainsley harriet which is he's just been staring at me this whole time and it's making me quite uncomfortable well that's the guy's avi yeah yeah i don't think it's real by the way i don't believe this story nah i think it is i've had this before you've had it before isn't you've been involved in the situation or it's it's it's the best it's the it's the best one so we can't say it's pretend [Laughter] i'm in for realism just for the content okay when i was five and my brother was four oh my god i gave him bleach off the side and he drank it and was in a coma jesus christ oh he's still alive now so it's all good i also tried to off myself when i was six by jumping out of a window the window was closed though so i just face planted the floor i also broke my brother's arm by convincing him to jump out of an apple tree when he was 11. we're all still alive though okay well still in the lining there's a lot to destroy there there's a right but for the bleach thing five is f five is five jumping out of a tree at 11 you knew what you were doing it's it's a bit psychopathic isn't it why would you keep the window closed well the the five-year-old one i can excuse i don't know where to go with that shaggy i want to see more more more dirty sugars um this one's called hamster oh [ __ ] off man the hamster's [ __ ] written in okay they've they've even sent a picture of the poor bastard right let's read this girl put him in chat oh this is a contest there's a hamster in question i'm so worried about what this is going to be this is the hamster oh it looks all right so my brother's one oh my god right this isn't the hamster that okay this is the hamster they got after this hamster unfortunately passed away the hamster before i accidentally knelt on my russian dwarf hamster when i was a kid because it jumped off my hand it died russian dwarf hamster russian dwarf hamster so you know the really small ones they've even got like tory hamsters yeah so hamster jumps out of her hand she kneels down to try and get it squishes the hamster with her knee you know apparently that happens oh my god you know that happens a lot apparently people sit on their pets a lot and kill them i didn't know this was a problem i've heard that i saw this girl on tick-tock who used to go to sleep with this like animal i can't remember what it was and she had like half a million followers on tick-tock and she used to sleep with it and she rolled over in the night and killed it that's a bit that's a bit of a mean thing to call her boyfriend alex i really i really hope that no issues come to otto because i love him so much and i always get really worried if he's ever going to be ill don't sit on him then well no it's not that no he he's bit he's be he confirm it he's you i reckon he'd firm yeah no i think he he he has a higher chance of killing me by sitting on me he just lifts he just start [ __ ] bench pressing you yeah also cats aren't dumb i've accidentally tried on my cat before and he was fine he just ran off yeah i think if you i think if you pissed that cat off you'd be in danger yeah yeah generally he's gotten bigger as well recently i've noticed that he's got a bit more like muscle to him he's terrifying he's beat up he being balkan yeah he has beefcake he's been bulking this one's called sex toy mistake more like it and it's a long one so i think this will be good i don't condone what i did but i do think it is funny that's a great start that's a brilliant my sister came over oh my god my sister came over a couple of weeks ago as i'm in her bubble and she was complaining about her blackheads as a result of the stress she's been underworking from home it was at this moment i remembered my girlfriend had bought one of those poor soccers so to help her out i brought it in for her to use james what's that face for yeah uh not long after my girlfriend comes into the living room to see my little sister rubbing her [ __ ] sucker on her nose i did mistake a [ __ ] sucker with a facial paw sucker my sister was very innocent and wouldn't have known what it was i've sent a picture of what a paw sucker looks like and what i gave my sister let's see let's see let's see oh my god this is horrible that's horrendous that's [ __ ] horrendous a [ __ ] sucker yeah that's the [ __ ] sucker this is what a poor sucker looks like oh my god fair mistake fair [ __ ] mistake oh my god imagine being the girlfriend walking in on your boyfriend and their little sister and she is just rubbing your sex toy on her face oh my [ __ ] god that's sickening he's called james yep you're not a bad person you've just made an honest mistake and that's probably that's a rough one you're gonna have to live with i also agree i don't condone it but it is funny i i think that is a great way of starting that you did now well you did a lot wrong but you didn't mean to do anything wrong justice for james that's that's brilliant though you've made we've made this podcast for me right jamie says hello we boys last week i found my mum's nudes because i had to help her set up her new phone later i found out that they weren't intended for my dad but for some bloke called pete she doesn't know that i know i don't know what to do with this information got any advice i feel like i'm playing kaplank blackmail [ __ ] you gotta tell your dad you've got to tell your dad no you gotta get sign out of it do they have two pete written on them get your dad in oh yeah get something out and then tell your dad new telly new telly oh yeah you could get a ps5 all right mum i know you're sending titty pics to pete you've absolutely got to tell your dad you've got to 100 you've got you've got to you've got to have your dad's back there i think that is the right way of going about it get some [ __ ] out of it and then yeah extortion use extortion you could get you could extort twice as well how could you extort twice you go to the dad and you go i've got a big secret it will change your life but you've got to buy me an ice cream no bro he's getting oh you can get pete involved he's finding out his wife is sending titty pics to another man and you're trying to extend it's just an ice cream you're trying to extort the [ __ ] confectionary when you get the [ __ ] that's that that when you get the five when you go to the shop get him a feast as well get him a cadbury's ninety-nine thousand man you're telling me that you're [ __ ] you james [ __ ] you and also the best thing about this is there's a part that you guys have completely forgotten eventually you can extort you can use extortion to get a bunch of [ __ ] out of them but then right when the inevitable split happens you have two christmases two birthdays you're cashing in big time that's huge yeah you're banking your dad's depressed though look after your dad look after your dad i bet pete's a massive legend though no yeah what if he's like a cool step back you're getting like a lot more shut up this person's listening to this they're probably really upset over the fact this has happened oh well we weren't going to give you proper advice i think yeah i think dudes do so i would i would tell i would tell i think it's important because otherwise that's something you could sit with for the rest of your life like your parents could stay happily married happily for the rest of your life and it would feel wrong i think you say it it's gonna crash down eventually absolutely hundred percent brilliant these got great these guys don't give a dunk deep we can't get a stinker after this this is yeah we're on our way oh mate i'm seeing a brilliant first sentence come on i am a furry oh excellent it started out as a joke i don't know when it became true i set all of my socials to a fursona that i paid someone 40 pounds to draw for me as a joke to make my friends laugh but now i identify with it i love using my fursona twitter account i actually enjoy watching tick tocks of people in fursuits i set my background and lock screen to pictures of furries for the joke it was supposed to be a joke guys but it has all gotten too real i have become what i swore to destroy also no i do not want to [ __ ] dogs that's how it started though done it that's how it always starts for these people uh [ __ ] if they sent any pictures of their fursona no um i think i'm doubting this yeah do you know who's their name does it sound like a fairy-ish name are they called like evelyn or like simone i believe this now i i believe this i think it's true yeah yeah that's true i'd say it's true it's definitely i don't doubt it for a second do you think it's wrong there's quite a lot of furries out there is it wrong to be a furry yes it's wrong to be a fairy yes i don't think it's wrong to be a furry it is it is it's [ __ ] wrong it's [ __ ] weird like i mean anybody says it isn't it's just [ __ ] cheating themselves this strange behavior is odd but if you're not harming anybody who cares the problem is most of them do right right now no we've gone too far very passionate about that subject i once had a wank in a car with my parents driving and i successfully came without anyone knowing oh my [ __ ] god how how old i don't know their image is a spongebob character looking sad it's a sad looking fish that's quite that's quite a feat that sounds like too specific to just like pull out for bands as well like that but they're fully on foot wanked in the back of a car and you've just got like what sticky sticky oh sticky seats oh yeah sticky thingies oh [ __ ] hell it's easily doable though no it's not alex what you're in a limo like unless you're like in a limo there's an e-boy's mate there is an e-boys video in this no if you're in the backseat if you're in the backseat you could crack i could you could sneak one no no no no no there's an invoice video in this what do you mean well it's that's not like an easy feat because say you got both your parents in the front yeah looking ahead focused on the road eyes ahead you're within you're within the per se you're behind one of the chests you're within that person's peripherals if you just always have a nice one to the side and you just like just had a quick quick one in the corner no but it's risky as hell that isn't it like you're absolutely risky but i reckon i reckon it's terrible possible it's possible but it's just like likely you're likely going to get caught absolutely look i'll come back to you guys next week and tell you if it's doable or not try it in the uber uh five-star rating come on the gym i'm trying to find one that's good hold on oh you're gonna be there for a while mate good luck anybody got any confessions well i used to piss the bed in year seven and my parents would give me sugar tablets oh god this is criminal sorry this is probably the question from isabelle i lost my virginity whilst watching the true geordie willamey jackmate stephen tries and i'm alex podcast [ __ ] hell oh really what what what what did they say can you repeat that they lost their virginity whilst watching the true geordie christmas special podcast with willy jackmate stephen tries and i'm alex a christmas shag yeah festive was it at what part okay that that is actually a bit odd if you're losing your virginity on christmas day yeah that is a bit of a strange day yeah it's a bit of a weird way yeah um maybe they watched it a few days after yeah to be fair i have gone back and listened to that podcast a few times what you were gonna say right yeah i think you're gonna say something very different there is he's understandable though because because santa only comes once a year three out of ten oh come on mate that was a good one man i was that was james standard that was james standard yeah it was sorry i i'm just i'm upset that i didn't come up with myself i thought you would have got there when i was like 10 yeah sorry when i was 10 me and my cousins were messing around with my grandma's urn i have no idea why and i dropped it so some of the some of uh my granddaughter's not grandma sorry so some of his ashes fell out and i was so scared that someone would notice so i got some sand from my cousin's play area outside and filled it up long story short me and my cousins aren't allowed near dead relatives anymore so they found out well nobody's allowed near dead relatives i mean yeah but like how would you find out that did you do you look at someone's ashes do you just like go and see how they're doing i think someone's right if you've done it in front of your cousin and you're a kid they've definitely right they've definitely told not not criminal though just another another another daft escapade at least you try to fix it yep you know you can't really complain there because like you know unless somebody's checked in a gun oh granddad's looking like 60 beach then you know i i just i think you've made a decent effort he's always saying the same color yeah as long as what color this is the vars isn't like glass it's long color i think like great right like grayish yeah it's been a long time since i've burned somebody sorry this one's this one's interesting come on james come on sell it to us give us the real story right about this one this one has a surprise twist at the end about two years ago i was at a summer camp i met this boy called zach he was amazing from the first day i met him we became best friends instantly by the end of the camp i'd fallen completely in love with him but he had a girlfriend at the time and i may have gotten jealous and got them to break up he was stupid sorry zach i never got his socials and numbers uh or number it's been two years and i can't stop thinking about him i know he used to watch uh george and will though so hoping he listens to this podcast now zach summerslam it's oscar oh oscar yeah that what so he well it was he made the girl break up with the girlfriend yeah for a boy relationship for a boy relationship which is kind of like a little twist at the end you know yeah because you would i read that thing going from a from a female's perspective but it's like oh yeah i miss you [ __ ] it you don't know you don't owe that girl's friend anything [ __ ] i think you know i don't think you've done anything wrong apart from not capitalizing on on the end of camp and of summer camp romance if you're still thinking about him you've you've got away by the girlfriend you should feel no remorse why would you not get their number yeah if you're gonna go with that length of breaking up a relationship and then you're not actually that yeah wasn't even asked to get numbers maybe you ask them yeah it's served to lose okay but the real news is the kill this is like an american teen wrong com it is isn't it and that's why it almost feels a little too unbelievable you know no i can believe that okay i would like to start this off by saying be nice to fast food workers i work in a chinese takeaway and if your customer is ever rude dry or mean to us we purposefully [ __ ] up your order alex what do you mean george tweeted out uh at the just eat man the other day being horrible the guy lobs the [ __ ] bag at the door the drink was upside down alex what did you do to that man to make him do that i didn't i did do anything it didn't do anything he just he called me which this should have been a red flag he gives me a call and goes i knocked on your door i left at your door i was like okay we got a doorbell you could have i didn't say that but i was like it's bit weird that he's knocked on the door and called me to tell me he's dropped off the food instead of just ringing the doorbell uh so i was like okay so i go downstairs the [ __ ] floor's soaked i pick up the bag i look in the bag and the drink is upside down it's like how has that happened i'll let james tell this confession and then i'll segue into a night that we had james with uh a certain assembly where i'm pretty sure he i don't know why he does this but he used to complain a lot and i'm pretty sure people just [ __ ] with his food constantly but carry on all right come on jim what's the question i went as far as putting the wrong sauce on a customer's food because he called me stupid over the phone that's not really [ __ ] up an order though is it it's just like no he's just spitting it or anything get your money back yeah if you didn't if there was no bodily fluids i think you're we oh okay no this is stupid my friend has purposely not put items of the order in the bag and we will put vegetables in your food even when you ask for no vegetables oh [ __ ] raucous oh no no they're all veggies in my case you're not a bad person you're just pathetic i've let customers off with three pounds because they couldn't find the change and took it out of my tips because they were nice to me so be nice to fast food workers there you go yeah fair enough going back that but you're you're a bit of a wet flannel [Laughter] basically i'd rather not be nice to you because i think you're a bit right next time something turns up and i'm missing like a water bottle or something i'm gonna know that they watch this podcast and they're or perhaps you're trying to get ass i can't believe what was the story you wanted to say alex well i remember when we had a mcdonald's all to turn up but deep into like it was like three o'clock in the morning right and it was me james and fraser and everything turned up and i mean everything and we must have ordered about 20 things because we were fat as [ __ ] just ordering mcdonald's all the time and this mcdonald's order turns up everything in there apart from one pepsi right just one right so fraser calls the delivery driver and makes him go all the way back to the mcdonald's and come come back with a singular coke just one singular coke makes him drive all the way back and he comes back with the one singular coke and he drank it and i said you know he's done saying to that he must have because he didn't get paid for his time and then i do that every day and i went that's worse surely there's going to be have you seen if you if you walk around canary wharf all the delivery drivers line up in the same area they definitely talk about people there i reckon they've got a blacklist i'm surprised he managed to get someone to actually go like whenever i say oh there's the wrong thing in it like if you know any like look in the bag and it's bare light and you're like oh this isn't what i ordered they just look at you like that's not my problem [Laughter] i've never had someone actually give a [ __ ] i don't open the bag until they're gone because i know that doesn't change anything you know the other day i ordered mcdonald's breakfast and i woke up in a really [ __ ] bad mood and he's the guy had spilt my drink again it wasn't as bad as the one i put on twitter but the drink was spilled it was always the worst every time the food was ruined and i was like i'm not having this so i [ __ ] brought that after him down the hallway george you've spilt the drink and then he just looks at me and went yeah i was like i don't know what to do now what do i do at this point so i was just stood there in my boxes just in the hallway holding up this like dripping bag and he just walked off and then you look round and there's young philly and you go oh i know you yeah i know you're fabulous that's terrific because you know that because we live at the same address that if they [ __ ] with your food they'll [ __ ] with mine no i i wasn't rooting i was just like you spilt the drink and he went oh yeah and i was like okay i didn't know what to do i don't know how you guys do this i don't complain i don't know about you but i don't complain because i'm terrified of them like starting a union against me because i know they do that now if they start a union against our flat oh it definitely happens man i mean i've been always been i've always been a really socially awkward person and my aunt used to always complain in restaurants oh horrible oh no i've never no never never never now literally i would argue up to 50 of the time times we would go to a restaurant it would end in her getting the manager like like getting like a refund on the food getting money off the food and it was just like my dad and i are very similar people when it comes to social interactions and we just both despised it we would not say a single word the whole time we'd just be there like i hated it i like it i like the food i once went to uh anandos with uh like one of my old friends and he was sat there we ordered our food he ordered like a double chicken burger or something and they accidentally gave him like a single very easy thing mistake to fix he calls over the the waitress and he's just like can i speak to your manager the manager comes over and he's like this has ruined by nando's experience and he gave like this proper like spiel and he got like like a gift card or something fernando's [ __ ] hell i was like you are brave i would never do that so just the type of person you don't need in your life in it george people were using your tweet to get money off weren't they yeah yeah people are using my tweet of my fox mcdonald's order to get money off that to get like free money from like even american ones like someone got 50 quid from doordash right using my my suffering that's alright well so they just put your picture in instead yeah oh that's the last elite that's elite that's class class from them fraud out the big companies i like it boys yeah i mean yeah it is fraud you can't go to jail but who cares you're not gonna go jail over mcdonald's comment give us give us a new one for the last six years i've worked part-time at a child care organization whenever one of these cretins really gets on my nerves and asks me to tie their shoelaces i'll tighten their shoes as tight as i can uh usually the worst kids are sent to the back for misbehaving uh or whatever so if i open doors for everyone i'll forget to keep the door open for the last kid and watch it swing back in their face [Laughter] don't work if you hate kids don't work with kids like you don't have any like uh yeah one of my tea i had a teacher in primary school that tried to push me down the stairs what really what this teacher she she ended up leaving like a couple years after because she hated children and that was quite apparent because she hated me um uh i was just it wasn't many stairs i think i was walking quite slow and we were i was walking downstairs and she like kind of pushed me a little bit i could see myself in that position just having a quick snap and lapse of judgment and just trying to push a small george dragon yeah i also once told her to do her job properly and she got one but she called my mom in [ __ ] oh my god george she was a [ __ ] she was a proper [ __ ] wow [ __ ] it out i think i think you're i think you're not a bad person because i couldn't differentiate myself doing that i could i could see that happening fair play [ __ ] [ __ ] those kids yeah [ __ ] those kids i've got another one about a kid here um i accidentally knocked out a child in the skate park after failing a trick my board flew down a stair straight into her face and she was out cold uh her mom took her home and kept me updated on how she was that's fine also it happened to be on camera oh they got the link and they've attached a picture oh oh yes come on oh my god you can it is this is absolutely cracking i'm gonna describe it you can it is just a single frame from the video it is a skateboard about to hit [Applause] [Laughter] i feel like everybody's decked a kid at one point though by accident oh yeah yeah i was once that a family thing and when i'm standing around doing nothing i kind of do this i guess like move my feet i was just moving my feet like swinging him and i accidentally booted a child in the head that was standing behind me oh george you're like kids one it was it wasn't hard yeah i actually decked a kid in a mcdonald's player here once but it was completely by accident there's no more context that you two have gone very quiet will and james you've both gone really quiet sorry zone i had nothing to say i had nothing to say have you ever hit a child whip on accident i've got nothing yeah no no it comes to mind no comment you must have not that i'd like to say on the record it's a legal ongoing case that one god talk about it yet uh my sister when i was younger hit me across the face with a clock like a small like not a real clock but like a fake grandfather clock that was about this big big wooden one she must have around the head because it's a clock she denies it to this day do you know what james i you know after all this time harry potter's muggle like family that's how like i imagine your family situation growing up with just like dodge you're trying to say something about my dad [Laughter] this is public knowledge but i'm currently dating the guy who was supposed to be my best man at my wedding oh wow obviously are they still mine or do they not get married my ex-fiance was excited by the news oh right interesting imagine that tell me there's depth here tell me this that's all we got oh the [ __ ] off man you can't give us half a [ __ ] then bastard yeah we want to know how you got to that how did you why you see your ex fiance come on guys this is a full confession oh i thought it was another oh yeah this is the last starred one by the way uh i once sucked a guy off in an alleyway who was dressed as a baby sorry james wait what repeat that well my boyfriend clip that out of context and put that on twitter please please well my boyfriend i've realized i've read out everything yeah you have millions can we get um this man once sucked off a guy in an alleyway dressed as a baby while their boyfriend who was also dressed as a baby was drinking in the bar next door he was dressed as a baby in a bar there's like three sins going on there this was definitely in america no it's this is like a stag day thing surely or dressed as babies i may i don't know people [ __ ] weird mate so much wrong that you and your boyfriend andy and you fling toy boy all romans if they were dressed as fairies do you reckon they did they were in character or did they just try and ignore it right now now that sounds about we can't imply such a thing no that's the right card you've been sent off for that mate if they were dressed as furries it would have been fine but that's too far yeah just a bit of a mood killer right a little bit off i don't know where to go from there we go come on find some phone some [ __ ] ones that was the last starred one by the way so that one was seen as oh this will be riveting oh we've got some more we've got some more we got one more starred one allah has just starred it m.c my confession is that i made a fake person up and i catfished all of my friends some of them even dated me as a fake boy ah what he dated i didn't [ __ ] count that's not a real thing that's right we've all done of that sort of it's not a [ __ ] real thing i mean that is what catfishing is will have you ever made a fake facebook profile you didn't date them i am great george is about so something really incriminating have you ever made a fake facebook profile only for like some [ __ ] 2018 video go on george huh i have a facebook profile that i is not my actual name for my building and i love complaining in it like i regularly complain as i just pretend i'm like 45 years old and i live in this building and i'm i hate the noise pollution and [ __ ] like this and oh the bin situation is still terrible i love it i love going on about rants like that and there's that guy with that seven million pound guitar next you won't stop [ __ ] strumming it around every day no but in college um we set me in a i wasn't really me it was like a couple of my mates and i kind of just watched they set up this account uh and uh they join like i guess like dating groups and they'll just be like men from other countries they just add up and uh they've like these these men are just video call this random account and they'd just be sitting in like internet cafes and they there's been like no conversation they just go i love you i love you i love you we didn't have cameron or anything we didn't say anything to these men or anything like that but they're down bad i respect the pursuit yeah well that reminds me of when i went to spain on um on uh i i don't know why this is reminding me of that but i went on a like a school holiday to spain and i used to just go to an internet cafe and play tribal wars every day that was my time there internet cafes mate used to be elite did anybody ever use those no oh mate unbelievable definitely unbelievable place if you want to get groomed go to an internet cafe uh definitely i've gone under since the whole idea of 4g started becoming widespread because you don't need to go to one to use a laptop no there's no need there's no only for instance i remember being on holiday in cornwall i went into an internet cafe to log onto the lego website to see how my lego was doing that's a confession is there any more is there any more unstalled confessions we're gonna have a quick flick through before we stack this that's about 500 um brilliant pick a random one that looks pick a lengthy one give us a story hmm oh god my confession is that when i first met my girlfriend we decided that i'd stay at her house to [ __ ] and she broke my dick during sex oh we woke up in a puddle of blood oh no no no no no and she thought it was her period i've never told her it was me and we're still together was it like a um the thing where you snapped this like the bit of skin in between the like actual actual fracture the banjo string probably that's the one that's the one you can't fracture it there's no bone there not fracture i didn't say like any yeah you can still break your dick yeah crack it you know [ __ ] brutal yeah like a glass speaking of speaking of have you seen them tick tocks of people putting like like catheters up like pretend dicks on tick tock no and i don't want to say it's awful it's awful what is your favorite they keep coming they keep coming up on my view page i don't like them because you watch them all the way through don't you no i don't i i scroll once i see what's happening i scroll past i think i've watched that's how the few page works it would stop recommending it to you don't watch them you're watching them i don't watch them i've watched like one in its entirety pages anymore jim oh it's a good place grace has said hi you boys i work at kfc you guys love it too much i have a feeling that she might work at the case kfc what not cannon tow not cannon tone useless kfc i think she's also said she can get us a 30 discount oh really i've got a box right here that we i order can we have the actual items we want oh [ __ ] my camera is dead as night hey well that's over an hour that's an hour i've got one more and it's a big one right okay i'm a dutch midwife in training and i've been through some stuff worst thing to ever happen a home birth first child i was in charge it was a 38 hour delivery and i'd been there for 26 of those hours the entire time i called the husband father to be james whilst his name was tom i'm not sure why but i'm afraid it's because of the few hours i got to sleep i slept with james marriott's videos in the background two hours after the delivery i did a professional exchange the person switching with me me tried to do it well to get the everything all right james i i think all it is is they called someone uh the father of a child james for the whole time because they'd been watching my videos too much and their name was actually tom and that's the real scene there's a real scene do you reckon somehow that light would have been a great way to subliminally get them to name the kid james like you just keep on calling them james constantly i if you're a mid all the midwives out there who watch eboy's podcast get parents to name their kids after us and and we will reward you in some way shape or form i don't i don't i don't know if we should reward people for naming their kids after us i think that's a that's a bad idea we could raise a generation an army and we can finally if you have a kid that is named our name and our last name has to be their middle name they can come and live on ebola eboy's island yes that exactly yeah that's about a free pass in i can't wait for there to be a child called george mimi [Music] uh and to finish it off jordan has a phobia of finite sperm thank you for listening to this episode of the eboyz podcast yeah yeah everyone much love uh we hope you have enjoyed make sure you get you you rate us five wait no no no i've got something i want to do right before the end we mentioned eboyz island i want to read out some of the reviews of the green shed yes yes yes let's do it the green shed so a lot of you guys sent in reviews for the green shed which would greatly appreciate keep them coming in because when we do own this we want to have the highest rated place on google maps oh i want to find where it is green shed i think i found it was racking the highest rated places on google maps tesco metro probably no i reckon it'd be like some fancy restaurant right we have over is the green shed is now rated four point eight stars it's got 265 reviews um and i'm just going to try and would you recommend that shed do you reckon they're over the moon at the moment they just realized that their sheds getting the love it deserves well it must have gone up in price if you're trying to sell it off or whatever yeah yeah no it's prime real estate now should we try and find the person who wants to share and buy it no oh come on that'd be funny i'm not buying a [ __ ] [ __ ] no one of the reviews is someone has put a child in this there is a child in this shed ward in the residence there's about to be a new ruler in town green shed is great i fed the feral child that lives there i gave him some bread and i warned the residents that the e-boys were coming great day out um it's like an invasion it's very odd yeah keep keep the reviews the green shed coming maybe it will do a very big good shed there's a scary child in it i don't know where they've got this from we should get we should get a child we should get people to rate like an entire town and everything in the town but all the comments should be like they are coming be aware be beware and that's what all of the comments should be it's just been an entire town where any review you go to the end times are coming yeah yeah god has decided that you are not that you are forfeit comment that on everything in the where the green shed is around there yeah everywhere so we're talking go to uh roshvan go to kinloch muy dart um aad malik and dina brayak yeah and darlin ladalilia yeah all of those everywhere so all of those places i just mentioned and start saying that the that winter is coming oh yeah and on that night thank you for watching the podcast everybody we'll see you guys very soon see you next week goodbye bye bye

Channel: The Eboys Podcast

Views: 599,354

Rating: 4.9677815 out of 5

Keywords: eboys, the eboys podcast, eboys podcast, willne, james marriott, imallexx, memeulous, confessions, green shed, hamster, tik tok

Id: RIhAI64w-mo

Length: 65min 21sec (3921 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 01 2021