r/AmiTheA**Hole AITA STORIES EP 6 | r/AmiTheA**Hole Top Posts of All Time

good day there guys i swear these videos are more interesting than the introductions i promise you it's marky and welcome back to another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you enjoyed today's content sit back relax chuck a like on the video a prawn on the bbq and uh tell me what you think of these ones down in the comments below thank you posted by user no athlete 4280 titled am i the a-hole for not agreeing to let my husband have a baby with another woman i 32 female and married to a great man james 36 fake name who was a sperm donor to his friend miranda 35 female and her wife vivian 30 female and they have a sweet little boy and he is a very involved quote unquote uncle this all started before i was in the picture and when i first started dating james it felt a little weird at times but grew to accept it because not all families are the same also miranda and vivian are great james and i have been married for a while and trying for a baby because of the pandemic we decided to not actively try again until next year but are still not using protection recently miranda approached james about being a donor again he said that he needed to think about it and consulted me and to be honest i told him i was uncomfortable with the idea like i said miranda and vivian's son was already in the picture before i came around so i know i needed to accept it or leave but now that i'm his wife and trying to conceive myself i just don't think i can ever handle seeing another woman carry his baby james understood my stance and suggested miranda and vivian find another donor or adopt they refused saying that they wanted their son to have a sibling that was related to him and this time vivian wanted to experience giving birth james still refused saying that he couldn't do it again he tried to take all the blame but i guess they were able to put two and two together and started asking me why i was so against them having a bigger family i explained my reasons and they said that i was being unreasonable and how my lack of pregnancy wasn't their fault since then miranda and vivian have restricted access to their son and i know that it's starting to take a toll on james and his family because their son is technically the only grandchild's i know that my reasons are purely selfish but am i really in the wrong here update for more info based on the recurring comments and questions i wanted to clarify some things 1. i didn't say that my husband couldn't donate sperm not that i have any control over that i just told him that i wouldn't be comfortable with it 2. james signed away his rights so he can't sue for visitation or custody and miranda and vivian can't sue for child support three james and the child have an uncle nephew relationship and even though it is never said that there is a blood relation the child shares enough physical features that makes it obvious strangers have even pointed this out 4. while james's parents know that they can never publicly claim the child as their grandchild i know that a part of them still sees him as their grandchild and hopes that one day they can and five when james first donated he was single and stated that he would be open to donating again in the future but as far as i'm aware there was never an explicit agreement i'm gonna have to go with not the a-hole on this one i think it's completely reasonable to be uncomfortable with seeing your friends carrying your husband's baby i think the added fact that you're finding it hard to conceive a child right now adds to that pressure and adds to a little bit of the insecurity about that and i guess it's a personal choice to be uncomfortable with it i'm not sure that you can stop him if they do go through with it but i feel like that could be a you know a very heated topic within a marriage and if i were him i probably wouldn't go ahead with donating if my wife was uncomfortable with it because i can't imagine the damage that i would do to my relationship there really isn't much that i can say about this it's a bit of a hard topic but i imagine there's countless examples like this out in the world where things go right and things go wrong i'm just gonna go with not the a-hole on this one not the a-hole something like this needs to have the approval of both partners in the marriage your husband's friends don't get to demand you be okay with this no matter their reason they are the a-holes for basically using their son as a bargaining chip in all of this and it's frankly disgusting can we all just appreciate how refreshing opie's husband is he asked his wife took her answer and didn't blame her when his friends asked i read about so many crappy husbands on this sub that this was refreshing not just that he was willing to take the flak for not accepting to do it that's what got me right there not only did he talk it out with op and come to a conclusion together that they were both okay with but he even attempted to take all the heat from the other couple edits i also want to add a shout out to op for being patient with her husband and his situation with this other couple that sounds like an absolutely crazy thing to walk into a relationship and find endop after having some apprehension was able to learn to roll with it good on you op that kind of acceptance can't be found in everyone and i personally admire that i think in his case he genuinely wasn't okay with it it may be because his wife isn't but i like his frame of mind also what selfish a-holes these mothers are if you couldn't have a baby it would probably break you into a marriage to see another woman carry your husband's child also they're terrible parents willing to use their child like that and shouldn't be having any more so so selfish and rude they're treating opie's husband like their personal stud i think this is not only selfish it's demeaning not the a-hole vivian and miranda are being incredibly unreasonable by one not respecting your feelings on the situation when you were literally his wife two insisting that james has to be the donor when adoption or another donor are perfectly viable options if having the kids be genetically half-related is so important to them they should have brought it up with james before the first kid or just have miranda carry again i'm assuming james did this as a courtesy for a friend and now they feel as if they have some sort of entitlement to his sperm and three worst of all using their fudging son as a chess piece against james and his family who have an established bond with him in order to manipulate him into donating again they are willing to isolate their child from their biological family as a manipulative tactic but are hell bent on having their kids be related i'm really not seeing their logic here and they've proved themselves to be people that you probably wouldn't want in your life i think you made the right choice here and op says to be fair before james had met me he said he was open to giving them more sperm in the future so i guess there's always that posted by user throw away titles am i the a-hole for trying to have my dream wedding i have had a dream wedding date my entire life i'm finally engaged and my fiance and i wanted to book our wedding right away however my dream date is the weekend before his sister's wedding he called his parents to tell them and they said they thought it was too close but that he should talk to his sister and they would be okay with it if she was okay with it he called his sister to tell her and she said she thought it was too close we booked it the next day because someone else was looking at the venue we wanted for the same day she's very upset and we can't wait another year because we want to start having children am i the a-hole for trying to have my dream wedding well there really isn't too much information that i can go off on this one i'm just gonna say you've made it very clear that you don't care what your family or the sister thinks and having kids can really be done at any point in relationship you realize you don't have to be married to start having children unless you're saving sex for marriage which you haven't pointed out here you've given us no reason to be on your side for this one we're gonna say that you're the a-hole and please reconsider your actions next time don't upset everyone just because you want something your way you're the a-hole and if you're the type of person who has had your dream wedding date picked out for your entire life i feel so sorry for anyone who has to be involved in planning your wedding because you are going to be a nightmare guaranteed it's going to be one of those dates that nobody wants to attend a wedding on like valentine's day or new year's eve personally i feel worse for the spouse sorry dear but this dream date i settled on as a child that has no significance to you or our relationship is simply more important to me than respecting your family and having a good relationship with them op is in it to be the bride not his partner you're the a-hole her wedding was already set you knew she would be upset and you did it anyway i hope you enjoy this wedding because you're about to create a lot of miserable family drama what's important to you forming a good relationship with your new family-in-law or having your dream date you have to have a relationship with these people for the rest of your life it's a bit hopeful to state that that'll last for the rest of her life going by just how she acts posted by user pastor is good i guess titled am i the a-hole for asking my nanny who's employing who here so i have had a nanny for six months for the most part i like her she's great to the kids 18 months and five but recently i feel like we've had some issues where she's crossing boundaries i don't mind getting advice but i also feel like my house isn't being respected for example my kids rooms are pretty much toy free outside their comfort objects i want the room to be a place of rest not playing i told my nanny please don't let my daughter play in her crib she agreed but lately i come home and my daughter is in there with toys we have a playpen downstairs if she needs to be contained and the nanny is just watching her play i gently reminded her a few times that i don't want toys in the bedroom and she said okay but it would happen again then on monday i saw it and said hey let's take her downstairs and she snapped at me saying she just woke up i thought that was weird but i let it go figuring that it was an off day i recently took my son's five hot wheel tracks away because he was hitting his sister with them this was a last resort after talking lots and getting nowhere i put them in the hall closet and said they'd be gone for two days and i let the nanny know the next day she straight up told me she didn't think that that was a good idea i said i appreciated her advice but that i felt it was the right course of action i come home that night and he's playing with them i wait until my kids are with my husband to talk to her about it and ask why she undermined my authority i asked if my son had asked for the tracks or was being mopey no she just felt like he had been good enough to get them back i sat her down and said that i wasn't happy with how she had been bending rules she said she just didn't agree with them i asked who's employing who here i need you to back me up she got quiet and then left for the day well today i got a text that she's quitting she says that me throwing that i was the boss back in her face was an overstep my husband is saying what i said was wrong too the kids and i will miss her but i'm torn am i the a-hole edit to add many have found my no toys in bedroom rule weird let me explain i used to split it half toys in sun's room half in play room then he started waking up and playing with toys rather than sleeping he got no sleep so we moved the toys downstairs and he's been fine ever since they can play in their rooms but the toys go back downstairs at bedtime they are also not just sectioned to the playroom they play in the den the kitchen the yard they just don't have toys outside their favorite stuffed animals while sleeping most of my children's day is play they are not neglected they just sleep when it's time to sleep added to add two i also never said this is how all families should work it's how my family works and everyone is different well of course i agree with that last sentiment there and i feel like that is what i really take into account when reading this story i feel like the babysitter has a different definition and a different mindset with how families should be run and how much lenience we should give kids even when she knows that the kid will not sleep and he'll just play instead she's been hired for a reason throwing the fact that opie is your boss in her face is op's job i don't get why you're so upset about that this babysitter sounds overly sensitive and unwilling to do their job i think it's for the best that they quit i think op needs to go find someone that will actually do their job and will actually listen to opie and not just snap at them so yeah i'm going to go with not the a-hole for this one i can't blame rp for any of their actions i've got to say i would do just as much if i was in the same situation not the a-hole you are the parents not her unless she believes your kids are in danger she should not undermine your authority i agree like how old was this nanny is this her first time being a nanny even if it was there's no excuse for undermining the parents i started babysitting at 15 and even at the very beginning with zero experience i would never have dreamed of breaking the parents rules even if i hated the rules and it made things very difficult for me i would suck it up because the parents get to make the final call for everything i want to step in here and say that while in this specific context opie is not the a-hole and the nanny should not have went behind their back this absolutist the parent is always right mentality when taken to its logical conclusion would lead to fudging awful results if the parents were abusive or bigoted what if the parents had a rule that they don't get to eat at all until they complete a certain task what if one of the kids is questioning their gender identity or sexuality and is stuck with unaccepting parents i myself am familiar with being stuck in that last situation and i wish someone showed up to undermine my parents authority on certain points maybe i'd be healthier mentally there's a difference between abdicating for the child and undermining the parents this nanny wasn't feeding the kids when they hadn't finished a chore she gave the kid a toy that was confiscated as a consequence of actions this nanny is extremely unprofessional and if she hadn't quit she probably would have gotten fired and yes i mean advocating i made a silly mistake and opie says she's 22. she was a nanny for another family before mine she's 22 and she believed she knew better than you that's quite something her leaving was the right decision she still has lots of growing up to do not the a-hole i agree let her learn the basic rules of employment somewhere else not the a-hole you are the parent you are her boss she does not get to undermine your role as either agreed plus she says me throwing that i was the boss back in her face was an overstep huh what delusion was she living in did she think nanny equals mum or was she even remotely on the same level her thinking was dangerous and dopey is lucky to be rid of her not the a-hole also she thinks that was an overstep but sees no problem with undermining mum's totally reasonable punishments posted by user throwaway 910286 titled am i the a-hole for withdrawing my daughter's college tuition i'm a father to a son 15 and a daughter 18. while we can afford basic living expenses and the occasional vacation we are by no means rich my daughter only has a minimum wage job and my wife is a stay-at-home mom sir i'm the family's main source of income last year when my daughter was applying to colleges we came to the agreement that she should enroll in a community college the universities she wanted to attend were expensive and i felt it wasn't worth it because one i have two children to consider and two she wanted to major in classical music performance and would likely end up switching mages anyway due to poor job prospects later i found out that she'd applied to several universities without our knowledge and was accepted to one i was a bit hurt that she went behind my back and spent 200 of her hard-earned money on application fees instead of using them to help our family's financial situation but in the end i agreed to pay 75 of her tuition given that she switched to a more useful major my daughter ended up attending college fire zoom due to the pandemic last week i found an amazon package of music books addressed to her which i thought was suspicious because her new major didn't require music classes i confronted her about it and she confessed that she never actually switched mages she had been lying to me the whole summer i was extremely hurt as she was essentially scamming me out of my money by going back an ordeal and lying about her major she had already betrayed my trust by wasting money applying to colleges that she didn't need then again by tricking me into paying 75 of her tuition i told her i was withdrawing my share of the tuition and that she could pay with her own money if she wanted to attend to this university she started crying saying that she couldn't afford it on a minimum wage job and didn't want to go into debt from student loans she said her chosen school's music program was better than the community colleges and she didn't want to major in any other fields i told her she should have thought of all of that before lying and disrespecting me like she did she started screaming terrible names at me and accused me of favoritism complaining about how i was willing to buy a new computer for my son but not pay for her college education i explained that one it was because my son had never betrayed my trust two he needed his own computer because he intended to major in software engineering and three it's not like i never bought her anything i paid for her clothes extracurriculars the band instrument that she's currently trying to major in i gave her everything and she's been nothing but ungrateful my wife sided with my daughter and said that i was being unreasonable i just said that as our household's primary source of income i have every right to decide what to do with my money i'd be happy to forgive and support her if she chooses a more realistic major or transfers to a less expensive school clarification edits my wife has her personal reasons for not being able to work which i don't want to state here because they'll make our family very identifiable to people who already know us but being a stay-at-home mom is very much justified and i don't appreciate people attacking her for it edits i wasn't upset with my daughter spending 200 on application fees because i desperately needed the money i was hurt because she did it behind my back while knowing that i would have difficulties affording any of the colleges she applied to she placed me in a difficult situation and jeopardized her brother's future purely on a whim not only that she's also an adult living in my house without paying rent we had a deal that she would pay whatever amount she was comfortable with every month it's more of a symbolic gesture than anything it was such a shock for me to learn that after all of that we'd talked about she still prioritized a fantasy over her real family i think you have a very interesting family dynamic going on and i've got to say that there is a little bit of favoritism going towards the brother in this situation although it's not explicitly stated the animosity you feel for your daughter currently and not really being willing to forgive her mistakes when she's young and yet having no ill will towards the brother kind of points me in the direction that you favor him more than her because he's less problematic young kids are going to make mistakes and they're going to do these things and they're going to go behind your back and they're going to learn what is right and what is wrong in this world i feel like yes she does suck for spending 200 when she shouldn't have she does suck for lying to you and doing a major anyway that she's passionate in and yes she does suck that she wants to do something and you can't force her to do a different major because you don't agree with it and do you suck for the way you've reacted to this one although i can't blame you you're free to react as you want to these situations but i'm sure she's not feeling too good about what she had to do to get what she wanted and i think you're really just making it worse i don't think attacking her like you are is going to change anything it's really just going to degrade your relationship with your daughter a little bit more so i think you really just have to accept reality as it is and stop being an a-hole but i'm going to go with everyone sucks here on this one updates after reading through the comments i've realized that my approach with the whole symbolic rent idea has caused a lot of problems i've spoken to my daughter and set a proper rents it's very low as i see no point putting her into unnecessary debts but at least now there is no more confusion over what she is expected to contribute as an adult living under my roof we are still working out the issues of college tuition and majors everyone sucks here your daughter shouldn't have lied and you suck because you talk about her job as helping support the family this is confusing because it's not her job to better the financial situation of the family you are allowed to withdraw financial support from her but there are other options out there but be aware that it will impact on the relationship you have with your child just like her actions had consequences so will yours everyone sucks here your daughter shouldn't have scammed you very naughty it is also reasonable that you set a budget for your daughter as you said that there is only so much money to go around but as for her choice of college and major that should be left up to her and her alone if her college choice is a lot more expensive than you are willing to contribute that's her problem to solve she can take out a student loan to make up the difference like everyone else if she chooses a major she loves but can't get a job again that's her problem not yours leave her to lead her own life and stop trying to micromanage it for her this also why would it be her responsibility to contribute financially to your households why is your wife not working at 15 and 18 your kids are independent enough where they can pick up the slack in housework and their own chores like laundry cleaning dusting heating up leftovers for dinner etc also there are plenty of jobs for people who major in music teaching concerts orchestra instrumentalists etc you're the a-hole if your family is struggling so much financially why is your wife a stay-at-home mom a 15 year old and an 18 year old don't need a mother at home all day i don't understand why you're happy for your wife not to earn money but feel hurt that your daughter spent 200 of her hard-earned money on application fees instead of using them to help your family's financial situation your post indicates that you were easily hurt obsessed with the concept of betrayal and respect with archaic views about the duties of a daughter and the rights of a breadwinner you see nothing about how proud you are to have such an ambitious and talented daughter she shouldn't have lied but she did so because you painted her into a corner if she is skilled enough to major in classical music performance her job prospects are probably excellent he needed his own computer because he intended to major in software engineering this really sounds like that classic of recurring crap post in which a father favors the son who wants to study something lucrative and punishes the daughter who's interested in arts and humanities i hope it is that posted by user throwaway waitress tip titled am i the a-hole for not tipping my girlfriend who was my waitress at a restaurant a large amount we are both 21 and in college we've been together for like a year or so anyway she works part-time at a restaurant near campus which i went to so my bill was 23.70 which i rounded to 25 with a 1.30 tip which is around 5.5 percent we were hanging out later that night and she asked me why i tipped so little i kind of explained that since she was my girlfriend and since i already give her a lot of free stuff a lot of free wine together is easily 300 in free wine over the last year that it wasn't really necessary to tip higher now she's really annoyed with me and said that i should still have tipped better her service was nothing outstanding in my opinion and while the food was pretty good she didn't make it the chef did i don't know who's wrong here i think you're wrong for this one i think you should judge by her reaction that she expects you to give her a better tip and 300 in free wine that you guys shared um doesn't really make up for that unfortunately this is a relationship and i'm sure she would have done better for you if she was in the same position as you were in this one your justification really isn't doing it for me unfortunately i think you need to try better next time and you need to make up for it now obviously it's dependent on relationships some dynamics would be more understanding some wouldn't but i would think a normal relationship on average would be upset that you only tipped a dollar 30 here i feel like in american culture at least that's poor form edit to ok i just then mode her 10 edit 3 i love her and i see how i screwed up edit 4 the continued bashing despite realizing and fixing my mistake hurts sad face and edit 5 bruh who referred me to the crisis hotline you're the a-hole you had a chance to be cute and give her a little extra and make her feel good instead you gave her less than the normally customary amount for a tip in the u.s which is 15 to 20 percent as a server that tip is a compensation for horrible wages and a sign of appreciation for the service of bringing you your food just because she's your girlfriend doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve a good tip and you giving her things or sharing wine doesn't equate to you disrespecting her in her place of work that was also probably humiliating i hope that her co-workers didn't know that you were her boyfriend i can only imagine also nice extra jab about her service not being up to snuff and how she didn't actually cook the food just way to stick to your crap coated guns and edits it's been a while since i was a server and i noticed that my standard percentages were low i have to say the system in america is really fudging stupid so you have food that you need to pay for and then you also need to pay the salary of someone else's employee just dumb in europe you give a tip to let the way to know that he gave you a nice service like a little bonus yeah i can't say that i agree with the system at all especially considering the ridiculous amounts of money that some restaurants can pull in but he's living within the society that has these rules in place and he disregarded his girlfriend rather openly for the sake of a couple bucks the system being broken doesn't change the fact that his girlfriend had every right to feel put off by the snub you're the a-hole that was pretty bone-headed opie in the future you can't bar the wine you give your girlfriend willingly against her wage at work and 300 of wine in a year so like 25 bucks a month congratulations opie you bought her the equivalent of a glass of wine each week for a year i'm sure there was no benefit in there for you you're the a-hole and as a former waitress i can tell you when my tips were low management was not happy with me since they have to make sure my pay is equal to minimum wage they would ask me why this table felt it necessary to tip below 15 no matter what i told them that it was always my fault and i should have offered better service really you couldn't spare an extra dollar to at least give her 10 percent also a lot of places have the waitress tip out a percentage of the total bill back to the house so if she had to do this then she is literally losing money to pay back for the house for this bill posted by user katie eatsdick titled am i the a-hole for asking a customer why are you even in here and embarrassing them so i own a small business specifically a card and gaming shop we sell a plethora of gaming cards like magic pokemon yu-gi-oh various sports cards and everything in between we also carry a wide variety of t-shirts related to card games sports cards anime etc and have a huge gaming area where we hold card game tournaments where customers can come play board games or whatever they like so what happened this guy comes in the other day i greet him and he starts looking around after a few minutes i tell him to let me know if there's anything i can help with he then starts pointing at stuff and asking some high key offensive rude questions here are some examples of specific things he asked and said holy crap are those pokemon cards i thought those things went extinct a long time ago and i said yeah um we have packs boxes starter decks they're actually really popular the past few years and he said wow so parents buy these for their kids to shove in a bike spoke i said something about how people of all ages play competitively we even host tournaments then he starts looking at the shirts and says how much are these shirts actually never mind some of them look cool but i wouldn't want anyone to think that i'm into this crap and i say well they're 16.99 also he says so these are the cartoons that all those emo kids watch right while looking at the anime section at this point i was getting extremely uncomfortable with him just crapping all over my store and effectively the customers i serve on a daily basis then he walks past the empty table section where we usually host card game tournaments by the way we are not hosting any tournaments until certain pandemic restrictions lift and he says loudly so do the neckbeards have to rent a seat or something to play or do you just let them mooch off of the store's aircon while they play at this point he had been in the store for well over 30 minutes and had said and asked several disrespectful and defensive questions slash statements and i had had enough i had customers in the store and i was ticked that he was potentially making them feel uncomfortable or like they were somehow losers just because they have these hobbies because that's how i was feeling i let out a big sigh and said huh why are you even in a gaming shop if you hate everything about cards and gaming he was very clearly embarrassed spent a few awkward silent minutes walking back around and left out the door i consciously didn't say goodbye or anything because i didn't want it to come out like have a nice day in the fu type of tone my employee told me that it was rude of me to say that to him and i probably made him feel like he wasn't welcome in our hobby community when it's supposed to be all-inclusive which i preached my employees religiously i think i might be the a-hole for how i handled it but i feel like i was justified after the things he said so reddit am i the a-hole for saying what i said and embarrassing him edit one this was a buff decently attractive 30-something-year-old if that matters not some super out of touch with the times older person older folks come in all the time and if they don't get the hobby i just try to do my best to explain it but they're never walking around calling everything dumb edit two i'm a woman if that matters to anyone and edit three i'm heavily and obviously pregnant so i doubt it has anything to do with his trying to weirdly spark a convo with me but i've been wrong before i mean it's your shop i feel like you can do whatever the hell you want in your shop and this situation warranted that kind of question you weren't attacking him but he was attacking everything in your shop why is it suddenly not okay for you to question that and kind of break from the narrative of being a friendly store person that yeah we're inclusive here we're great why is it the one time you slip up that's completely unacceptable in some people's eyes i don't understand that i think you were completely warranted in this situation for what you had asked him you literally just asked him why do you hate everything here what's going on why did you come here if you hate everything because i would have done the same myself why are you wasting my time and bringing everyone else down what's wrong with you and i mean it could have had something to do with the fact that you're a woman and he was trying to get with you or something like that but i feel like that's a stretch i'm gonna go with not the a-hole for this situation not the a-hole all-inclusive does not mean including people who are bullying your customer base it means allowing anyone who wants to participate without being an a-hole to other people to do so this is what i preached to my employees if someone comes in asking about magic but you're a pokemon fan you don't have to pretend to prefer magic but you do need to be stoked to help them find and enjoy something that they love that's where i was second guessing myself all inclusive doesn't mean putting up with someone bullying my customer i'm gonna add on something one of my old bosses said to me it's my job to argue with the customers it's your employee's job to make everyone feel welcome and included and it's your job to tell the a-holes to f off part of being an inclusive community is about keeping out people who are going to harm and try to alienate people in that community otherwise it will foster an environment that does exclude people who aren't okay with being harassed for instance if you run a group into a like we're inclusive to black people and to racists you would actually be excluding black people because they're being made to feel unwelcome by the racists being inclusive is about allowing people from different backgrounds not about allowing a-holes you're still allowed to have a general code of conduct i don't feel like you were that rude to him not the a-hole the paradox of tolerance in order to maintain a tolerant society that society must be intolerant of intolerance there are two things i can't stand in this world people who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the dutch posted by user were foss 32 titled am i the a-hole for refusing to open the door for my ex-wife because this isn't my week with my daughter so ever since my ex-wife and i split up my daughter has been picking fights with her nonetheless our custody agreement worked out to me getting her around one week out of the month yesterday my ex-wife starts ringing the doorbell five times in succession i looked at my phone and see a bunch of texts saying that she was done with my daughter's attitude and needed to be away from her my new wife is currently pregnant and her sisters are staying over at our home i already had my week with my daughter at the start of september where she lived at the house my wife doesn't want to deal with her stepdaughter right now because she's pregnant and just wants to hang out with her friends and sisters in peace especially because she says she feels my daughter giving her stink eyes my ex-wife kept on ringing the doorbell and my daughter texted saying she wanted to stay with me for a while however i refused to open the door because legally this wasn't my one week a month and my wife and her sisters want to drive up an hour to hilton head to do shopping and have a mini staycation we can't do that with a 14 year old around and they've been planning this for a while now am i the a-hole my ex-wife keeps sending me thanks a lot texts and my daughter says that nobody wants her but that's her mother's doing at the moment i feel like you're both failing your daughter's parents here in this situation you know in a perfect world we wouldn't have these fights between the parents and we could put up with the 14 year olds and their mood swings and how they're argumentative and you know it would be really it'd be grand if we could go up to hilton head and do shopping and have a mini staycation but at the same time you have a 14 year old daughter and your wife doesn't want to look after her why do you not want to look after her an hour's drive up to hilton head is a luxury it's not a necessity of life and yes you legally don't have to look after her and you legally don't have to do it but i look down on both of you guys as parents and i think you both suck and are a-holes in this situation for not putting your daughter's needs over your own needs i can get the ex-wife wanting to not spend time with her because she's fighting too much and i can get you wanting your own time off but your daughter is the one losing right now and she's losing during a very important cycle and growth in her life i don't know how to describe it but it sounds like she needs support now more than ever and she's aware that you guys don't want to deal with her that's not a good feeling everyone sucks here don't you think that maybe the reason your daughter might give your wife the stink eye is because it's obvious her own mother doesn't want her and her father's putting his new wife above his child who also seems to not want her i'd be pretty pissy too if i was her you're the a-hole your wife's the a-hole and her mother is the a-hole edit to add judgements everyone sucks here except your poor daughter your daughter wants you you are refusing to see her you're the a-hole exactly and at this rate the days of her wanting you will be numbered keep it up and she'll want nothing to do with you possibly for the rest of her life but since you seem to want nothing to do with her maybe that'll be for the best she's definitely going to remember how no one wanted her but opie is too busy playing house with his new wife to recognize it worse i think he recognizes it and doesn't care she literally texted him saying no one wants her opi doesn't get to feign ignorance not that i don't think he won't try crappy parents love to pull the i had no idea card true or not everyone sucks here let your wife go on her staycation with her sisters you take care of your kid or take the kid with he says they can't go to the hilton head with 14 year olds yes you can he didn't want his daughter and ex to see how much money was going to be spent on the new wife and kid because he probably only spends the minimum on the 14 year olds that's an excellent point you're probably right everyone sucks here two parents that can't be bothered with their own daughter wow your new wife being pregnant is no excuse to not want your daughter in just because it's not your week your ex is essentially giving up on her and you're saying your pregnant new wife is more important than being there for your daughter poor girl she has no parents willing to step up for her no wonder she has problems posted by user sliffiola titled am i the a-hole for using money earmarked for my younger daughter's college tuition for her older sister's legal issues my daughters are 19 and 16. my oldest daughter 19 was a varsity athlete straight a student 35 a.c.t she got into a good private college but is taking a gap year her college fund is secured because her father who i never married is paying for the entirety of it i was married to my youngest daughter's father for 10 years before he died and i've had to save for her college fund on my own when my oldest daughter was 15 she was arrested for riding off with a seller's bike while claiming to test ride it i thought she bought it with babysitting money until around two weeks later when the police showed up i ended up spending a lot of money on a lawyer that successfully negotiated the situation so it could be handled civilly she's cleaned up since then and had this new lease on life um she's 16 years old or was 15 at the time i feel like that's a stretch but because she's been working with unreliable co-workers in a barely supervised store she is now in the middle of a missing money and inventory situation she got fired and then an officer called to question her she promises me that she wasn't the culprits i called up a lawyer he calls the detective on our behalf and tells us that this was serious i know that a charge like this would ruin her life but the lawyer has a track record of successfully resolving these types of cases he asked for a five thousand dollar retainer the only place where i have this kind of money is in the fund earmarked for my younger daughter's college the money coming from my 19 year old's father is to be used only for education purposes so i ended up getting the five thousand dollars for the retainer and giving it to the lawyer but now just from the amount of time my daughter spends on the phone with her lawyer i can tell that we're probably going to be out at least ten thousand dollars when my younger daughter found out that it was coming from her college fund she started screaming at the both of us and she yelled stop calling your lawyer so much at her sister am i the a-hole i will try my hardest to replace my daughter's college fund there's around 20 000 in the funds but i couldn't just let my oldest daughter drown it's well known that people with poor or no legal representation go to jail wow this is a very hard rock and a hard place moral situation going on here like do you save this daughter that continues to put herself in stupid situations do we screw over the younger daughter who has done nothing wrong and has a dead father and doesn't have a guarantee of going into college without debt or anything and has 20 000 saved up for her why isn't the father of the older daughter helping atoll what's going on in this situation there's a lot of unanswered questions but the fact that she got into this situation where five thousand dollars is missing is a very serious crime and you know given her track record of stealing someone's bike and not caring about that wow this is a tough situation because well i i can't say that it wouldn't be her doing this one but you don't know i can't blame you for doing what you can to save your daughter anyone would do anything to help bail out their daughter in this situation but your younger daughter got screwed over in the process of this and doesn't have a backup whereas this older daughter who was just screwing around constantly does have a backup in her father you're the a-hole for doing this you're screwing over your youngest daughter who's to say that your oldest daughter won't strike again and do some other bullcrap you're the a-hole you and your oldest daughter are a-holes why isn't your oldest daughter responsible for taking out a loan to pay her lawyer she's an adult why isn't she responsible for putting the money back in her sister's college fund she's an adult and why bring up her history of sticky fingers at all unless you assumed that she did the crime give it a couple of years and she'll drop some woe as me post that her younger daughter wants nothing to do with her and admit the fact that she used her college funds to bail out the daughter she enables all she did was victimize her younger daughter it's beyond pathetic i'm guessing older daughter can't get a loan because she doesn't have a job because she was fired for stealing actually why can't she pay for the lawyer with her ill-gotten funds if they're spending the time and money to prosecute and deal with the best lawyer in the country it seems like it's a high value theft with some solid evidence if they can't prove it or it wasn't that much i'd think they would just fire her yeah i suspect the daughter did do it i worked at a vet as a water attendant and money went missing everyone was questioned by police at the station everyone no way i could have stolen it because it was in a safe that only the techs and the vets had access to with a key i did not have this key but they still interrogated me to the point i was convinced they thought i did it but that's just their questioning style i guess i never had to lawyer up at any point because i didn't do it you got lucky talking to the police without a lawyer is playing russian roulette with five bullets remember kids with the cops every day is shut the f up friday no lawyer no talk you're the a-hole stop bailing out your eldest and maybe she'll stop fudging up do you think the store doesn't have cameras come on good odds your kid did the deed and you're gullible as hell and throwing away your youngest daughter's future so the elder can f up again you're the a-hole you're essentially stealing from your youngest daughter it isn't fair to her that the older sister gets into trouble and the money used to bail her out is the money designated for her education and you used an expensive lawyer too this sucks posted by user sure folds titled am i the a-hole i told my mum to stop talking about my nephew because i'm tired of golden boy note everything has been anonymized but the core story is still the same of course so i have a nephew named jack no point in trying to hide this fact i'm jealous of him i'm so jealous my blood probably runs green the fact isn't super relevant to the post i just wanted to acknowledge it up front four years ago jack's life started coming together of course he worked hard too like taking over time whenever it was available networking etc and he got a nice tech hardware job since then golden boy jack has lived under a lucky star he never shuts up about it you will always hear about how great he's doing how much money he's making the expensive house he's going to buy etc if it wasn't for the bragging and the family always talking about him i would be able to shrug and move on jack and i are different people who are at different life stages he hasn't had to deal with severe mental health issues to clear his way he won't let you forget how awesome he is oh he cured his anxiety with weed of course if there's something he doesn't want to do oops anxiety gotta leave he chased off a carjacker with a frying pan he has a pretty girlfriend he's going to buy an expensive house he's making ten thousand dollars a month and after the pandemic it'll be a paltry eight thousand he outsmarts everyone in arguments on and on and on and on about his every cool action and accomplishment the family eats it up pretty sure his parents have a shrine to him somewhere in their basement my mum and grandma adore him i used to as well until jack turned into a braggart my accomplishments if jack is around he starts talking about himself it must be an automatic response by now otherwise everybody shrugs off what i say i've gone so far and worked so hard but because i don't have the big paycheck the cute girlfriend the expensive house and the big mouth to go with it i'm a nobody the jack is god thing has been going on for about four years now it comes up anytime family is discussed and of course when he or his parents come around it's jack time you should listen to jack time when jack himself is hosting it i am at my absolute limit this afternoon mum and dad were sitting in my office and she started talking about how jack is making 10 000 a month i told her that's great and i was tired of hearing about how great jack's life is going i told mum that i didn't want to hear about the golden boy that listening to someone be lauded day after day while you've been scrabbling for success for years gets tiring my mum called me a jealous a-hole told my grandma and now my grandma thinks that i'm an a-hole as well i don't think i am i've held my tongue for four years let him enjoy his luck and success but stop making me listen to it so much can't he send a postcard or something like normal people i can't see how this is in everyone's sexiest situation reddit seems to think it's in everyone's sucks here but i don't i would get sick and tired of hearing it after four years i agree with op here let him enjoy his success and his luck but stop mentioning it all the time i mean is it really interesting four years after the fact that it started i don't really know what the end game of the parents is in this situation but it can't feel good to have it you know month after month put in your face i'm gonna go with not the a-hole here because i feel like he's just been pushed too much by them but that's my limited understanding of the situation and opie says edit to add i just want to thank everyone for their responses so far more than a handful of them have helped me remove my blinders to get a better perspective of the situation the am i the a-hole sub can be a great place if you need the proverbial face slap everyone sucks here this certainly sounds like a boring topic of conversation and it's okay to politely ask to change the subjects but your jealousy is your own to handle them talking about it less isn't going to make you feel any better work on your insecurity and suddenly this will all seem funny at least it's pretty obvious to me that this guy is actually living a pretty miserable life yeah my therapist has told me the same about the jealousy thing i just wish my own mother of all people could at least be a little sensitive to it but she isn't interested in changing so i'll have to be the one to change you think jack is living a miserable life no sarcasm intended i'm actually curious and would love to hear you elaborate if you have the time and interest he has paid off all his bills and is well on his way to clearing it at 120k debt he paid off his car he's in a position to get a super nice house he has a job that he loves i guess the narrator here is unreliable since it's jack himself nobody who feels the need to proclaim their successes that loudly and frequently is actually living a good life even if all of those things are true he has a deep hole inside him that he thinks can be filled with more stuff and more money and he is wrong i know it sounds cheesy but it's the truth if you want to use someone for a life inspiration type of jealousy look for people who are leading good lives but don't need to yap about it all the time who are surrounded by the people that they love and who are kind to others those are the actually happy people this is a good perspective kind of an eye-opener too thanks for your response time to go look for the actually happy people and learn to focus much less on the fake happy people i am at my absolute limit then just say will you excuse me i just remembered something then you get up and leave what you remembered is that you have feet and you're under no obligation to be near people or listen to those who make you feel bad you were not the a-hole for being jealous of your feelings they are yours alone the other thing you could do is pretend you're exploring an alien culture and take notes of these strange people their rituals and their love of their deity named jack this idea is a good one it sounds like a good coping mechanism without being antagonistic i have lots of notes to take on my alien family too winky face thanks for your response posted by user brother am i the a-hole throw away titles am i the a-hole for telling my sister that the world doesn't revolve around her all names are pseudonyms for obvious reasons my sister julie 28 female and i 36 male grew up in a working class family our parents ran a small hardware store growing up and when they passed away eight years ago julie and i ran it together for a few years along the way i started dating a woman annie who is now my wife annie came from a much more white collar family and we got engaged her dad wanted me to have a stabler job so that she wouldn't have to be the only breadwinner in the family and he got me connected with some of his colleagues after a couple of interviews i got a job offer that paid almost three times as much as i was making at the hardware store julie agreed that i should take the job since her boyfriend stan was planning to start helping her with the store anyway a few months later julie became pregnant with a baby girl and she was ecstatic stan claimed he was as well but i was suspicious of his supposed enthusiasm as he began acting more stressed as julie got closer to giving birth sure enough when she did give birth last year stan didn't even stick around for two days until he ran out on her annie and i helped out as much as we could and after a while julie started getting back on her feet unfortunately a couple months into the pandemic the stall went bankrupt leaving julie unemployed she started working three part-time jobs to provide for her and the baby she asked me to borrow money three times in the past six months and while financially i can more than afford it i'm worried that she's becoming a mooch and just using me for money the main conflict happened last month we were on the phone and i mentioned that work's been super stressful for me and she laughed really condescendingly and said yeah talk to me when you're not the guy making six figures from one job with no family to provide for i felt hurt and invalidated so i told her that one it's not my fault that she decided to have kids and has to spend extra on them and two her problems aren't the only ones that matter and the world doesn't revolve around her long story short there was a lot of yelling and she wound up calling me an a-hole and hanging up on me two weeks later she asked me again to borrow money saying she thinks her daughter's sick and can't afford to take her to the doctor i frankly feel like that was a load of bs and when i said no she started guilt tripping me and said that i'm hurting a baby if i don't lend her money i still refused and once again she hung up on me later i told annie what had happened and to my surprise she started yelling at me and saying that i was being cruel annie called julie later and lent her the money from our joint accounts without asking me first neither of them has spoken to me for days but frankly i feel like julie is just manipulating annie's kindness to get money out of us edit for those asking about child support she has no idea where he is and has nowhere to contact to track him down this seems like you're an a-hole in this situation unfortunately it does just based off of your wife's reaction to this one i think that's all you really need to go off of if your wife is unconvinced about your reasoning for this and your actions then you guys need to come together and figure out a solution to this one because you're clearly doing the wrong thing if it's hurting your dynamic that badly i don't think you're obliged to help out you know you don't have to legally help out you don't have to do anything but i think it's the kind thing to do if you can support a friend that is struggling and then get paid back later in the future i think you would be saved from the a-hole judgment if you were to help them but currently you're an a-hole for not helping and then starting things with your wife it's really not helping anything so yeah you're the a-hole you're the a-hole i mean you don't owe anyone money and you should never lend more than you can afford to lose but your sister doesn't have a well-connected spouse to get her into a lucrative career that could offer her more stability and i'm confused as to why you assumed she's lying about her baby's illness you felt put down by her comment but she's right your job may be stressful but i bet it's not as stressful as being a single parent after your spouse has abandoned you and having no means to make enough money to support yourselves during a global pandemic why aren't you telling her that you'll help any way that you can why aren't you getting your father-in-law to reach out to his white-collar connections hold up yes her situation is more stressful but that doesn't mean that every time op tells his sister about his own work she gets to invalidate his stress and feelings by saying that she has it worse so he shouldn't complain being stressed isn't a competition if one of my friends would play the i have it worse card every time i tell him some of my worries and problems we wouldn't be friends for very long that crap gets old real fast are you venting your problems to people who are far worse off than you arguably struggling to survive and then withholding support when they were sarcastic or didn't support you in the way that you wanted it's not a competition but i think it's clear in this situation that it's not the time to expect sympathy or ask for emotional support from your sibling when they are barely treading water one sarcastic reply doesn't invalidate his experience and withholding financial support because your feelings are hurt is definitely not an appropriate response and dopey has a little bit of an update here it really pains me to tell you all this but i found out five minutes ago that her baby has whooping cough i really feel like i understand my mistakes now and although i can't make up for them i genuinely feel awful and am going to do everything i can to atone thank you for everyone who called me the a-hole i genuinely needed that reality check she needs sleep she will be up all night now watching her baby because sleeping babies with whooping cough can stop breathing so please offer to watch the baby for six hours in the afternoon every other day and on weekends so that julie can sleep and op says a couple of hours ago we decided it would be better if she just came to stay with us indefinitely so we can help take care of the baby and so that she won't have to stress about rent and food and babysitters annie and i convinced her to take time off from her jobs and that we would cover her and the baby financially and annie is going to talk to her dad about job openings that pay better i'm so glad that you're posted here me too posted by user bikefight55 titled am i the a-hole for letting my daughter take my son's bike with her when she moved out my daughter is 23 moving out on her own after college and found a nice apartment nearby over the past two years ish she's taken up biking and has done it every day in trails and paths around our town she's really good and bikes 20 miles every day she uses my older son's bike he's 27 still at home with us we bought it for him about five years ago when he expressed interest in getting into biking but he hasn't used it i mean has literally never once used it i watched my daughter peel off the protective sticker over the seat and the plastic off the handlebars when we were packing her things i told her it was okay to take the bike as she's the only one who has ever used it and i packed it up for her and it's now at her apartment my son found out when he was out in the garage looking for a till that the bike was gone and he threw a fit about it he says it doesn't matter that he's never used it or that his mum and dad bought it for him anyway it belonged to him and he wanted it back my daughter is a people pleaser and offered to give it back but i put my foot down and told them it was ridiculous she could keep the bike and if my son really wanted one and would use it we would buy him another one for christmas he doesn't actually want the bike or a new one it's just the principle of it my wife thinks we should just buy my daughter one and let my son keep his but why go through it if he's never going to use it anyway i think he's being a brat but everyone else seems to think i'm being an a-hole what do you think logically it's in everyone's sexiest situation but me personally i'm on the side of the father i think he's making good logical arguments and even if that screws over the sun the sun didn't touch the bike in five years we could have just said it got stolen and he wouldn't have cared less in that situation but the fact that she's using the bike actively and the principal quote unquote of the situation oh god the world is just ending isn't it she can't enjoy nice things if it's technically at your expense son oh no that's just terrible i'm about what the father is saying in this situation what op is saying and i back his reasoning so i'm gonna go with not the a-hole everyone sucks here give the bike back and raise his rent the son is a grown-ass adult that got something but never ever never ever never ever used it in its 44 760 hours existence first of all he should be more independent and not act like a terrible mean grumpy four-year-old's my three-year-old sister knows how to share things and doesn't feel entitled about everything my family and i share things and never feel that something is mine and only i can use it that's a terrible mindset it's just a bike and it would be nice of him to share it why haven't you raised your son to not be an entitled petulant child anyways as he didn't raise any objections to her using it for years i would go with not the a-hole although it's technically his property trust me we have tried he has bpd it's been a struggle for him to treat people with kindness and respect his entire life his world is very small and the universe revolves around him well i guess it makes even more sense then i wouldn't feel bad about it i remember my dad gave away my tricycle to a neighbor when i was six i was a bit upset but miraculously it hasn't damaged me for life so i'm sure he'll get past it too posted by user rayna rona titled am i the a-hole for telling my brother-in-law he's not a real doctor and refusing to use the title not trying to offend anybody here i 28 female have a sister who is married to joey 30 is male we are not close for unrelated reasons but i recently saw them at a dinner party for the first time in a year for the record the event was for my dad's retirement and was 100 pandemic safe joey has recently finished his osteotherapy degree and he was going around bragging that we now had to call him dr smith smith is just a placeholder name he and my sister have always been into sketchy in pseudoscientific health things for example chiropractics and essential oils i judge the hell out of that kind of thing but i keep my opinions to myself unless asked joey plans to open his own practice in our hometown and employ my sister as a receptionist and office manager when he approached me i congratulated him on his graduation and made some small talk about his school and how it's close to a popular hiking trail i thought we had a nice chat but my sister came up and interrupted i said something like oh i was just telling joey about this great trail joey gave me a dirty look and was like don't you mean dr smith i kind of laughed it off but he wouldn't let it go he kept making little comments for the rest of the night about me and how i'm probably jealous now what's relevant is i dropped out of a phd program a while back because i got a fantastic private sector job offer it was the right choice for me and i'm not jealous i had had enough and i told him that osteopathy was a pseudoscience and i would never put it on the same level as medicine i shared that in my opinion alternative health can really hurt people and take advantage of folks during the worst times of their lives there wasn't much conversation after that so i retreated to the kitchen to help my mother prep desserts joey avoided me after that am i the a-hole my family is divided my brother thinks i was right to explain my view but my sister is ticked according to my mom i guess saying it to his face that he's not a real doctor may be an a-holish move to do okey-dokey i'm going to be on the fence on this one and say everyone sucks here i don't like joey trying to force the doctor title there when i don't feel like it's completely necessary you don't have to call him doctor if you don't want to you know him as joey i feel like that's a bit of a dick move for him to be trying to force that on you edits thanks to everyone who responded even the people who called me an a-hole a few things to address yes we are in the u.s no i won't tell you what school my brother-in-law went to even though i strongly disagree with the pseudoscientific aspects of his education i now see that he is a doctor even if he's not an md i feel so strongly about pseudoscience and alternative medicine because it killed a dear family friend of mine she developed diabetes and tried to treat it with woo instead of medical advice she died almost 4 years ago but i miss her every day and about my phd program i started the degree because i wanted a job at x research facility and having a phd would increase my chances i am being purposely vague here about two years into my program i managed to land a job there with just my master's degree in biostatistics and cs i enjoyed my program and will probably go back someday but the job was too good to pass up i am not jealous of brother-in-law the unrelated reason why my sister and i are estranged she has a pattern of behaving recklessly and destroying my things in high school i worked and saved up for an old beta car she took it without my permission and totaled it then manipulated my parents so she wouldn't have to pay in college she dropped my laptop into a pool for no clear reason the final strike was when she took a bath in my first house left the water running and fell asleep leading to massive water damage you're the a-hole for just denying the fact that he's a doctor per your replies he has a degree of doctor of osteopathic medicine which means he went to medical school dio is equivalent to md and you seem to be ignorant to that fact and have called it pseudoscience he's the a-hole for demanding family members call him doctor in an informal conversation but perhaps he was just excited or making a joke anyone insisting on being called by their title in a non-professional setting is automatically an a-hole so this should be at least everyone sucks here while i agree like 99 of the time it's brand new and he's incredibly excited i personally would internally roll my eyes but do it anyway a few months from now nah he's being a douche it is brand new though it doesn't hurt anyone to play along with his excitement while he's writing the high of his accomplishment my friend is in med school right now and i guarantee when she graduates i'll be calling her doctor friend and making jokes about when it's new he's just finished probably the four hardest years of his life and his wife is probably just super proud i think it's okay for the first month or so to be so proud that you're a little annoying everyone sucks here osteopaths have medical training and the right to practice as a medical doctor you don't have to think he's a good doctor but he's a doctor and you're an a-hole he sucks for not letting it go but not if you're leaving out that you've been just as snide as he is yeah a doctor of osteopathy is a fully licensed physician and has gone through the appropriate screening and examination required to practice medicine a do is a physician in the same way as an md is and they enjoy the same privileges like prescribing medication that being said you don't have to call anyone doctor in a personal setting if you don't want to posted by user bye felicia am i the a-hole titled am i the a-hole for leaving a date at a restaurant i am 28 male and single now that the pandemic has settled down a bit in my area i've cautiously started dating again i use dating apps mostly and don't really meet girls until we've talked for a week or two recently i've met up with a girl that i've been talking with for a couple of weeks and we had a coffee i thought we really hit it off so we set up a date a couple of nights later for drinks that went really well too so we set up a third date for dinner we decided on a fairly casual restaurant where we could sit outside and that wasn't too pricey i arrived at the restaurant first and waited for her before getting a table when we sit down she mentions that she forgot her wallet and asked if it was okay if i paid we had paid for ourselves in our previous dates but i really didn't think anything of it and agreed it's not like the place was very expensive anyway the first red flag was when she immediately started being rude to the waitress we hadn't even been sitting for three minutes and she made a comment about it's taking long enough when the waitress came to offer us water and get a drink order i honestly thought she was making a joke in poor taste because she hadn't behaved like this on our previous dates she ordered a gin and tonic and when it arrived she took a sip and literally refused to believe it was a gin and tonic i asked to take a sip and it was definitely a gin and tonic she then accused the waitress of giving her the wrong drink to which the waitress apologized and offered to bring a new one i honestly wouldn't be surprised if the waitress just brought back the exact same drink but the second one was perfect according to my dates she then insisted on having an appetizer because she was starving okay i like apps let's do this but then she ordered the most expensive entree on the menu and a little light bulb went off in my head she ate half her entree and then decided that it wasn't good and asked for a new one at this point i had enough and decided i needed to do something i excused myself to the bathroom found our waitress explained that this girl sucked and i was leaving but i wanted to pay my heart for the bill i also told her that if she told my date that she had no idea where i went that i would give her an extra 20 in addition to the tip it took about 20 minutes before my phone started blowing up text messages flowed in asking where i was then when reality sunk in for her she started asking how she was supposed to pay for her meal with no money i blocked her after i got home and told this story to my roommates she agrees the girls sucked but thinks i was a jerk for leaving like i did yeah you're both trash in this situation she's obviously trash for her attitude but you're a trash person for just ghosting and walking out like that even if you did pay your half of the bill i know there's a huge urge to do it and it's a lot less hassle for you personally but you really screwed them over and i don't know that's just not a nice thing to do that isn't a whole thing to do for sure i don't know who's worse in this story but you both definitely suck this is an everyone sexier one for me everyone sucks here she sounds like a bad date but instead of putting the waitress in an awkward position why didn't you confront your date and call her out on her bad behavior also you knew that she couldn't pay the bill so leaving her there without any means of paying regardless of her behavior was a bit crappy yeah this you were right to leave but you should have texted the girl and said you're a gold digger and i'm outta here building on this if she had acted nicely on the first two dates which i presume her having a sudden behavior change is odd even more so if she was just after money you would think that she would have pushed for a nicer place or a dinner on an earlier dates she's behaving in a sketchy and aholish way definitely but i wonder if there isn't some weird context behind it and it would have been good to address it head-on er not necessarily about pushing for a nicer restaurant this happened to a friend of mine but the girl was so smooth and never let on until the dates that cost a grand total of 22 dollars was over and she basically taunted him for being a loser and thanks for the free meal some people just suck seems like a huge amount of work for that much money could be more about the thrill of using someone though everyone sucks here stand in case of both people doing crappy things you agreed on something and then vanished i get your reasons but you don't get a pass on being an a-hole i don't know if i agree to do you a favor and do an a-hole about it the whole time i think i have the right to back out of doing you the favor he's an a-hole for making the date the poor waitress's problem though kind of ironic since he was leaving because he was upset that his date was crappy to the waitress everyone sucks here you conceded the high ground when you ditched your date halfway through and paid extra to purposely try and maximize her embarrassments and because of it i guarantee you she learned nothing from the experience you are now just the a-hole guy that ditched her use your words next time posted by user throw the table away titled am i the a-hole for ruining dinner by telling the table next to ours to talk about something else me and my boyfriend went on a double date with my brother and his girlfriends at the restaurants the table closest to us began discussing a sensitive topic that is extremely and personally upsetting to my boyfriends they were talking loud enough that it was impossible not to hear them i know him well enough to know that he would not react well and sure enough he started to look upset and left to use the restroom he texted me and confirmed he was very bothered and said i should text him so he could come back when they stopped while he was away i went over to the table and told them it was a sensitive topic for my boyfriend and asked them to please be mindful of who was around them and asked if they could discuss something else they didn't say much to me but changed the topic after i sat back down so i told my boyfriend to come back at this point the dinner seemed like it could be salvaged but when my boyfriend returned after about 10 minutes they started to talk about it again and began making dark jokes my boyfriend excused himself again and i became very angry and walked over to tell them how inconsiderate they were being this time it was more heated and they talked back to me and then called for the manager the manager told me to please leave the other guests alone or we would have to leave i texted my boyfriend to explain and asked if he wanted to leave and he said he did so we left my brother and his girlfriend said that i was being ridiculous and apologized to the manager and the other table for the disruption they stayed my brother later told me that he and his girlfriend were so embarrassed by my behavior and that they will not be going out to dinner with us again because we can't handle other people i know this was an unpleasant situation for them but it was unpleasant for me and my boyfriend too did i handle this wrong edits because a bunch of people are asking they were discussing eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia and also not at all in a tactful way my boyfriend has recovered from one thankfully but it's still a topic he avoids well considering that that is the topic i don't think that it was you know enough to warrant asking them to change the topic of conversation and getting the manager over there when this event occurred as i'm sorry yes eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia they do suck i feel like it is their choice to discuss that as a group you don't have to listen to them if you don't want to he can leave if he wants to i feel like you can't force them to change the topic of conversation and then get mad at them when they don't i guess you did more damage in trying to stop this situation than you intended and for that you're the a-hole in my opinion you're the a-hole you're out in public and it's just odd to ask the strangers at the next table to tailor their own private conversations to something more appropriate for you to eavesdrop on if it was intolerable why not ask your waiter to move you to another table i can't believe this sheer entitlement of some people these days is this actually a real post like someone actually went out into the world sat down at the restaurant asked another table to talk about something else twice and then as confused about whether or not that was rude i don't even understand where you can get the idea that you have the right to go around telling people what conversations they're allowed to have in your blessed presence are you the fudging queen or something i feel so bad for the brother and his girlfriends the first time i would have begged rp to not say anything and ask the waitress for another table the second time i'd be mortified quickly pay my bill tip the waitress handsomely apologize to everyone on behalf of my obnoxious sister and leave rp you are your brother and his girlfriend a massive apology if my sister would have done that before leaving a restaurant i'd send the other table around a drinks or a bottle of wine to apologize because i would be so embarrassed told them it was a sensitive topic for my boyfriend i have no idea why you would out your boyfriend and tell complete strangers about his traumatic past who does that if the topic of conversation was genuinely obscene or horrific then asking them to change the subject was fair enough but if it was a general subject that just happens to be sensitive for your boyfriend then it's up to him to manage his sensitivity you're the a-hole for making this a huge drama hey i'm sensitive to drama i had a dramatic past and would appreciate it if you refrained from using that word on this thread if you don't i'm going to contact the mods and have you banned buddy just kidding your post was very insightful and well done opie do you see how ridiculous that sounds posted by user last will for me titled would i be the a-hole if i exclude my daughter from our will but make her the executor hello there a friend told me about this site and i need a judgment before making things official i am 63 female and my husband is 70 male due to world events we decided to update our will we are perfectly healthy but just in case we have two children together lily and max our children have always been extremely different from one another lily is independent she has not needed me much after age 10 or so she's very intelligent holds multiple degrees and is a pediatric neuropsychologist she's married to george 37 male and engineer together they are very well off they do not have children although they could afford to lily's reasoning is that the planet may not be sustainable in the future and that the technology in social climates makes raising mentally healthy children difficult i believe her job puts her in contact with families and children in difficult situations which has skewed her perspective because growing up she always wanted children she has asked that my husband and i shift our perspective of family to be fair she visits us and calls us often and even reminds her younger brother of our birthdays and anniversary matt has always needed me to help him put it all together he had dyslexia in school and barely managed to graduate college after six years we are so proud he did he works in the tourism industry and his work is somewhat seasonal he's been in a relationship with heidi 31 female who is an artist that sells some items online even combined they make a fraction of what his sister and brother-in-law do matt and tidy are also child free and claim to hate kids but we feel that this would be best as it would be difficult for them to support children and their lifestyle is less stable as they are frequently moving apartments we are planning on leaving 75 percent of our assets to mats and the remaining 25 to our godson's two children our reasoning is that lilly does not need the money and her brother could really benefit from it and our godson's children are the closest that we have to grandchildren however lily will be made the executor of the will and asked to carry out plans for our funerals as she is much more organized and keeps in contact with family members whereas our son does not my sister was visiting recently and the topic of our will came up she was outraged on lily's behalf and asked why we hate our daughter we don't i just would like to support people who could actually use it my sister asked if it would be different if lily had children even though the children wouldn't need money either considering lily and george's incomes i admitted yes it would be different and divided in half if that was the case she also said it was time to stop babying mats and that he made his own choices in life i asked her to leave since she just doesn't understand and on the way she begged me to think this over before telling lily and max or making it official so would i be the a-hole if i went through with our original plan it seems like your sister knows best in this situation and if she knows lily as well as she does and you apparently don't know lily as well as you do given her reaction i would go with yes you would be the a-hole it kind of does seem like you're screwing lily out of money that she supposedly would think that she's entitled to i'd say logic would draw you to that conclusion that hey my parents have an estate they have money i would be entitled to some of that money logically thinking unless i did something or said that i didn't want the money and now that op is confirming that it is because lily doesn't have children yet not holding the brother to that same standard okay ah that's just that's so cool thumbs up you would be the a-hole your sister is right making her the executor and not leaving anything to her is a huge middle finger your son has not achieved much because he struggled through school with dyslexia guess what that is no excuse you have babied him there are so many people who aren't book smarts but make something out of their life anyway it isn't even about the money it's as if you were punishing your daughter for not needing you since age 10. if you were my parents and you did that to me i would be heartbroken a quick google search of famous people with dyslexia reveals interesting results you're spot on and dopey as you're the a-hole dyslexia is tough and it's heartbreaking when you teach a smart child who really wants to learn but is sabotaged by their brain because their parents are too cheap to hire a qualified tutor or consult someone who could give the kid the right tools the right tools and strategies to deal with dyslexia definitely exist not saying that it's easy but for kids and teens who do want to learn and or find learning satisfying whenever their dyslexia isn't in their way it is hard extra work but it can be done if the kid is encouraged early and helped to help themselves instead of babied however that would also mean that the kid would at some point be able to manage and who would give mummy the feeling of being needed and indispensable opie is such a well-rounded perfectly shaped clean a-hole that i suspect this is fake if it is not opie is ungrateful on top even smart kids who can function and manage on their own very young thrive on their parents love support and acknowledgements op didn't care since her daughter was 10 because all her focus was on her baby and where's the fun for her if she's supposed to be a proud kid who did it on her own without her how's she supposed to pride herself and yet the daughter still does her best to be in her parents life she still cares about her parents more than her parents ever cared about her and probably still thrives whenever mummy manages to talk to her without making it about her favorite child for longer than a minute i'd bet that the daughter would never have given a single damn about the money if her parents had been able to show her that they cared about her too and that they are just as proud of her achievements of the person she is and the things she does that doesn't relate to money or making money i wonder when the last time was that op enjoyed having to talk with her daughter about ops and the daughter's lives without redirecting the conversation to the brother and swooning over how great he is and how proud op is of him and the daughter still calls and tries i really hope it's generosity and loyalty on her parts and not sadness and desperation for her parents approval and unconditional love posted by user pav009 titled am i the a-hole for shaving my toddler's head against my ex-husband's wishes i 34 female am indian but my family moved to the u.s when i was in middle school my ex-husband is white american and we split up just after my daughter's anna birth in 2017. he was cheating during my pregnancy got the ap pregnant and made her abort he's a scumbag but we share custody anyway it's important in my culture to shave a toddler's first hair the idea is to cut off any negativity from the past life i'm not a religious person but it's still a very important ceremony everyone does it even if you are atheist well my husband was tramping and moaning about it for months leading up to the ceremony but i told him it was happening no matter what we had the mandana ceremony a few months ago and anna's hair is slowly growing back every time my ex picks up anna for his week he uses the opportunity to complain about her hair my parents just think that he's just racist am i the a-hole for going through with the ceremony despite him not liking it in my view anna deserves to know her culture and hair grows back okay i'll admit that i read the comments before making a decision on this one because i'm really on the fence with it myself in circumstances with things like this going on i feel like it's absolutely personally driven and i guess how you would go about situations like these and how you would feel about it in this case i don't want to go into what about ism and extrapolate saying well if this guy then what if this one and american culture but what if not american culture in this specific scenario i don't think op is the a-hole because it's not hurting the kid it's just something that the ex-husband doesn't agree with you may be an a-hole in his eyes but in my eyes i don't think you're an a-hole for shaving the toddler's hair as it's not hurting the toddler it's a religious ceremony and it's something that he should know that you expected to do with the child when it became of age and therefore i feel like he needs to respect that as he chose to marry you in the first place and he chose to have a kid with you so for those reasons i'm gonna go with not the a-hole i understand that people may not agree with that and that's okay look your ex-husband sounds like well not a nice person but something like this should be both parents decision really so in the name of fair judgment and not letting your ex's actions influence my votes i think morally i have to go with everyone sexier except your daughter of course they could do a tiebreaker and ask the toddler if she cares about what her hair looks like actually mother i wanted to create a pro con list to work through my cultural identity as a biracial child also can i have a snacky and watch paw patrol wasn't being snarky i just made myself laugh i'd think it was more along the lines of the fact i know my toddler sister would sob if anyone shaved off her hair she loves it that said my sister is at the upper end of being a toddler i doubt a 13 month old would actually give a crap unlike a two to three year olds kids understand more than we give them credit for and honestly meltdowns are probably the result of i don't know what's going on please someone hear me even if it was just the grilled cheese sandwich was cut in half and not triangles not the a-hole he knew when he married you originally about your culture and that certain things would happen for your children she's a toddler and hair grows back you did nothing wrong let him whine like the big baby that he is honestly it could go the other way just as easily she knew she was marrying an american with different customs who might have some reservations about such a drastic change to a little kid's appearance if you marry someone from a different culture you have to realize that they're going to enrich your life with their culture if you have children they will be learning two cultures neither parent had the right to claim that the child has raised a hundred percent in their culture well no neither can claim to raise the kids 100 their own way what i meant was that they should have decided which ceremonies and religious practices they'd observe before getting married and having kids not that one would get their way 100 and the other was crap out of luck everyone sucks here your reasons for wanting to shave her head are completely understandable but you also chose to have a kid with a partner who does not share your same culture and beliefs so you shouldn't be surprised when he doesn't agree with you even though he cheated and was unquestionably a horrible husband to you he's still your child's father and he does deserve to have a say in the decision if in the future he wants to cut your daughter's hair in a way that you don't like and he just ignores your opinion and says it's happening i am sure you would be angry too er i'm going against the grain here and i'm saying you're the a-hole this is not just your child you share this child with someone who is just as much of a right to her as you do regardless if he cheated on you i think all of your information about his race and cheating was to get people to side with you and i think that's crappy i told him it was happening no matter what everyone does it you're the a-hole and yeah i'd complain every time i saw my daughter's shaved head too this plus also as an indian the mundane is actually foregone by a lot of people now and is not a necessity in either case i.e if you choose to do it or not it is not just your decision to make it is his as well also a lot of indian children are traumatized by their mundane so that in itself is a crappy thing for parents to do further making you the a-hole here and if you live in a cold place it's a layer of protection just missing from your child's head it also has no real significance it's just something that's done for no rhyme or reason the reason my mother gave us was so that you have a fuller thicker head of hair and that makes sense how it's also pretty traumatic to put kids through the whole process my parents traumatized my older sister three whole times because her hair wasn't apparently growing back thick enough but if you see her picture's pre-ceremony she had a thick head of hair so why and i'm so glad the current generation isn't fully doing this it's so much less traumatic for the sake of tradition and his parents my cousin just cut a tiny lock of hair from his daughter's head rather than putting her through a mundane eta source indian-born confused af desi posted by user weird mountain 6997 titled am i the a-hole for calling my alcoholic sister a drunk housewife in front of her in-laws and friends my mother is the bane of my existence she had ortho surgery and was advised to stay with someone while she recovers since she is older and won't be able to get around let alone to follow-up appointments but she doesn't even drive it's just me and my sister who live nearby my mother is a pain in the ass literally anytime i deal with her she costs me time and money i live with my nine-year-old son in a modest house i told my mother she could stay with us while she recovers the only issue is that i work and i am a single dad who has in my son 24 7. so i'm all over the place i can't tend to her and take her to appointments i cannot be at three places at the same time work doctor's son stuff enter my sister she lives in a much larger house she's about to divorce so she has kids every other week she doesn't work and won't have to with the settlement that she's getting point being is that she is far more available than i am i asked my sister if she could help out namely with taking her mom to her appointments that's it she dragged her feet saying she has a lot more on her plates granted she just got out of rehab a couple months ago but she's not busy her rehab is a touchy subject and the root of her divorce on wednesday my sister asked me if i could pick up our mum from her appointments it was running late and my sister said she needed to take care of something i told her i was at work and was planning on picking up my son and working from home for the rest of the day the doctors were on the other side of the city i agreed but was livid yesterday i went to pick up my mother's purse from my sister my mom forgot it in her car my sister her soon-to-be ex-husband kids parent-in-laws and her friend in her living room i sarcastically asked what was so important that she had to abandon her mom at our doctors and she said she had an emergency i replied you alcoholic housewives always have some kind of emergency when family needs you people in the room looked away and my sister just stood there speechless for the first time in years lol edit my frustration wasn't about her ditching our mother my issue is that it caused a massive inconvenience at my expense at the last minute with no sort of apology or explanation it was disrespectful i dished back what she dished out going through a divorce and getting out of rehab doesn't give you a pass for being an a-hole this just seems so overly confident and unforgiving i really can't see a universe in which you don't think you're the a-hole i feel like you feel good that you're just writing all of this that you gave yourself excuses to bag out your mother and then yell at your sister who you know who is coming from rehab and is trying to get sobriety this feels like a first world problem here this isn't really a problem i get that you're frustrated and i get that she's inconveniencing you and i get that your mom annoys you but what you've said in front of everyone is disgusting and i would never do something like that i can't imagine the pain that your sister is feeling now that you've said that in front of everyone just going by their reactions you obviously hit a nerve and you're an a-hole there's nothing to say to that you're the a-hole you took your frustrations with your mother out on your sister and managed to call out a newly sober person in front of her children ex and in-laws when you knew her addiction was a touchy subject you owe your sister a huge huge apology agreed how dare he mock her sobriety in such an ignorant way edited to correct spelling mistakes and i am seven and a half years sober i know how this disease takes away your dignity and sense of self-worth a big fu to op people in the room looked away and my sister just stood there speechless for the first time in years lol seems like you feel proud of this comment so i'm struggling to believe you actually want any real feedback and instead you wanted validation and ecred for your remark but i'll play you're the a-hole you made it very clear that no matter what your mother annoys you so anything to do with her you are going to view as an inconvenience instead of being an adult and asking like a normal person what your sister's issue was and giving her time to answer you just gave her a setup so you could unload the cross you bore all day in your martyrdom of helping your mother you know you are the a-hole and you don't care they probably looked away out of horror and embarrassment for op what an unnecessarily cruel thing to say and for op to feel so positively proud of himself i'm embarrassed for him major you're the a-hole you're the a-hole you started out by telling us that your mother is the bane of your existence and costs you time and money even though the only thing she appears to have done in this post is have surgery and while your sister is chronically unhelpful calling her an alcoholic in front of her entire family including her children and using the term housewife in a derogatory way was not your finest moments if you have a reason to believe she has relapsed asking her to take your mother to a doctor's appointment seems ill-advised in the first place posted by user am i the a-hole bad parent titled am i the a-hole for not convincing my daughter to give bone marrow to her brother long story short my ex-wife and i were married for seven years we split up because she had bad mental health issues that led to her repeatedly cheating on me with a co-worker i got full custody of our daughter because my ex-wife tried to kidnap her and drive into a ditch whilst intoxicated my ex-wife has never paid the court mandated child support and i never pursued it because i make a significant amount of money at my job and she is unemployed we split 11 years ago and our daughter is now 17. my ex-wife made no attempt to stay in contact she got with the guy she had been seeing and they had a son together shortly after we divorced about three months ago my ex-wife contacted me to say that my daughter wasn't actually mine she was the product of the affair with the guy she is now married to and that my daughter needed to donate bone marrow to her brother i refused she contacted our daughter by showing up at school and when our daughter refused to talk to her she's unhappy that after all this time her mom only shows up when she wants something my ex escalated to screaming at her about being ungrateful for being alive our daughter came home very upset and broke down about how upset she was that her mum never reached out to her after the splits and how now the only reason she's contacted us is because she needs something as a result of how upset she was i have gotten legal advice my ex-wife is having a meltdown over facebook because i won't force our daughter to talk to her or donate bone marrow am i the a-hole here how are you an a-hole for not forcing her to donate bone marrow am i reading this correctly is the world gone insane are we really guilt-tripping and forcing 17 year olds to donate bone marrow because that's not a world that i want to live in i'm gonna go with not the a-hole on this one there's no reason to dissect this entire story the main point is the bone marrow so yeah not the a-hole not the a-hole i doubt everything your wife said about your daughter not being yours because i don't believe her if she's half-siblings with the boy she might not even be a match his even high chance even if they have full siblings it's 25 chance that they match anyways it's her body and if she doesn't want to donate and go through all that she doesn't have to your ex-wife has no right to tell her what to do with her body just like you have no right to force her to donate not sure about that dna test if it indeed turns out that the daughter is not his that will maybe make unnecessary wounds she will always be his daughter dna or not it's a personal decision for sure but it might be a good idea to know because it does appear some health conditions may run on the affair partner's side my dad got with my mom when she was pregos with me and he's always treated me as one of his own i'd even go as far to say that i was the favorite out of my dad's kids but i think that may be due to him only seeing me on weekends and that i was the role model and supervisor for his other kids which i didn't mind at all by the way i was considerably older than them it made sense not the a-hole pretty sure there are laws around forcing organ and blood donation it's her body and her choice as her parents it's your job to support that you are being a good dad by protecting her body autonomy i agree in full though the title is a bit awkward because that makes it seem as though he was convincing her not to do it instead of not forcing her not the a-hole 1. f a parent who only comes around when they need something 2. being blood-related does not guarantee a donor match 3 nobody can force anyone to give any body parts the donor has to give informed consent and at 17 she can refuse privately to the doctor without anyone else finding out why she was an incompatible donor in the us at least and four children are not an insurance policy retirement plan or a health plan you made the kid you are responsible for his or her care if another kid wants to donate by all means but i don't think it's even appropriate to ask someone so young let alone throw a guilt trip at them posted by a deleted user titled am i the a-hole for refusing to apologize when i was technically in the wrong my mother-in-law is married to a man who was born in iran and they go once or twice a year to see his family they have a daughter who turned 13 the other day and mother-in-law wished her a happy birthday on social media she included a couple of pictures and in one of the pictures mother-in-law and her daughter were both wearing head coverings that bothered me sister-in-law absolutely has the right to wear one but mother-in-law is white and i felt like she was using it as a fashion statement and kind of showing off i sent her a private message that i felt like she was appropriating her husband and daughter's culture and her reply was their culture you mean the culture of not wanting to go to jail because it's illegal in iran for a woman to not have their hair covered yeah i suck for not wanting to get arrested and my husband is jewish idiot so that isn't even his culture fudging unbelievable okay i looked into it and she is right she was following a law and it is a religious thing not just an iranian thing my husband says that i should apologize which i find ironic because he doesn't even like his mother i said i would only apologize for my mistake if she apologized for how incredibly rude and condescending her reply was ah yes i don't have to apologize to someone who was rightfully angry at me when i tried to call them out on something ah yes they were mean to me so i'm validated in my anger and not giving them a apology myself because they were mean ah terrible i really can't be sure how many redeeming uh characteristics and qualities you have op because you just sound like a complainer looking for a fight and you gotta fight and now you're too up yourself to apologize obviously she won't apologize for how incredibly rude and condescending quote-unquote she was because she was right and i'd be angry if i was her too you're the a-hole get over yourself you're the a-hole and you were rude to assume she was appropriating a culture instead of either doing your research or minding your damn business you owe her an apology and you're the a-hole double for refusing on a basis of her getting offended by your offensive statements edit and i love that you needed to say technically wrong you were wrong in every way not just that she was legally obligated to do it but wrong in that it's none of your business and you need to stop judging people you're the a-hole how can you not apologize because she's a narcissist i did something wrong but you hurt my feelings in the way you pointed out i was wrong and those two things were at least equal if not the latter being worse is a classic narcissist framing bingo this is exactly right if she's a narcissist then you play the grey rock game my mother was a narcissist and i learned to be boring unengaging and not call attention to myself long before the internet taught it to me attempting to call her out shows either you don't think she's a narcissist or maybe you are one too if you legit think she is and you aren't read up on greyrock it can change your life for the better you're the a-hole you were wrong apologize who cares if you don't like mother-in-law you lambasted her for something you now realize you shouldn't have and i am sure your tone was not perfect when you did so but now you won't apologize for being patently wrong because you don't like the way she corrected you if you want to play with a rebuttal please reply back with the private message you sent her verbatim with no edits before we take a response's turn into consideration to give you a pass for being wrong and not apologizing posted by user am i the a-hole or were you puller cage titled am i the a-hole for deliberately making my autistic brother have a meltdown and letting my mother deal with him for hours edits i cannot change the title to clarify i didn't cause the meltdown but i didn't help and i definitely made it worse my 17 female elder brother 21 male is autistic he also has ocd my mom obviously spends more time on him and gives him a lot of leeway which i don't get and i completely understand that i know he can't help it but he doesn't have any empathy i get that it's hard for him to control himself and he has a lot of meltdowns but however he never shows any remorse or want to change he expects everyone to accommodate him he feels entitled to our time and attention and that makes it hard for me to love and care about him one thing he absolutely hates is when someone walks away from him while he is talking the quarantine has been very difficult for everyone my brother likes routine and obviously a lot of that routine had to change i have to be inside the house all the time and it's not making the house any peaceful last week was a bad week it was one tantrum after the other he was screaming so loudly that i wasn't able to attend most of my online classes for the entire week the most ridiculous thing happened over dinner one day i like spicy food he doesn't so my mum cooks food without much spices and i just add them later he was throwing a tantrum when i wanted to add chili flakes to my dish my mom told me to eat the dish as it is while i was closing the shaker i sneezed twice he had the worst meltdown i have ever seen he demanded that i sneeze again to make it right he has ocd regarding the numbers 1 3 5 10. i'm pretty sure that my face looked as comically incredulous as i felt it's not like i can make myself sneeze on purpose i could have just fake sneezed and maybe this would have been over but this was so ridiculous that i couldn't do anything but scoff naturally that made things worse his meltdown got worse and he opened the pepper shaker and threw the contents at me now my eyes are burning and i started to sneeze uncontrollably my mum is trying her best to calm him down now he is demanding that i stop sneezing i am more than ticked off now and i walked to my room slammed the door and bolted it i will admit partially i did it because i wanted to wash my face mostly i did it because he hates it he started banging on my door and my mom also is just asking me to open the door and talk to him i refused to i could hear him outside my door for at least four hours after that along with my mum trying to calm him and begging me to open the door i could have helped out my mom but i have had enough and i didn't feel sorry for her either in fact i felt a tiny bit satisfied the next day my mom asked me to apologize and talk to him and when i didn't she punished me by taking away my games and removed the lock from my door i told her that i'll lock myself in the bathroom next time and told her that she and my brother are never going to see me the second i turn 18. am i the a-hole for purposefully making my brother's meltdown worse am i the a-hole for not being least bit sympathetic towards him or my mother the fact that you're putting your intentions down here and being as transparent as possible is actually a really good sign and you know we do say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions obviously you've not had the best intentions throughout this entire experience you've lived an entire lifetime so far with these two and i can't blame you for being at the end of your tether i do think you should be nicer to him because we obviously don't know this person and you do need to be nice to people that don't have much control over themselves i guess in situations like this where they're having meltdowns they can't particularly control themselves i would assume but really this strikes me as sibling rivalry and people do this all the time i think i can give you a little bit of a pass on that one but at the end of the day i don't know you're reacting as you are i don't think you're an a-hole for this one i think it's a natural reaction to everything going on in the world and whatever a dynamic is going on at home i don't fully understand it but it's good that you've been transparent gonna go with not the a-hole not the a-hole he made choices you can't control your bodily functions and if slamming a door sets him off stiff crap throwing pepper in my face would set me off and your mother removing your lock and allowing a violent family member access to you no get the hell out of there asap right like being autistic means we are more sensitive to certain things not that we are the only ones who can be set off by something especially abusive behavior being neurotypical doesn't mean someone is able to keep calm when they are being antagonized and most autistic people won't resort to assaulting their siblings even during a breakdown this crap is whack mine does and my family has put up with it for nearly 30 years i'm pretty much low contact due to it i mean this in the most respectful way but someone has been enabling this behavior for years when dealing with stubborn children and dogs my philosophy is don't negotiate with terrorists or wait until they come and can be rational before you talk to them and find a solution i'm aware that autism can cause problems with that but it should have been a life skill that a parent taught while the child was still small you can't always have things your way and sometimes we have to cope with our reactions wish you the best so that's not the right way to deal with behaviors related to autism but you are correct in saying that there are things that can be done to mitigate or change those behaviors this can absolutely be the way to deal with behaviors relating to autism depends entirely on the cause the individual and those around mind you but it can be a great way to deal with them when paired with other methods like plenty of rewards and teaching them the ability to communicate what they want etc source worked as a behavioral therapist tutored to children with behavioral issues and aunt to a high-functioning asd kid posted by user w throwaway23 titled am i the a-hole for sticking by my husband and not going to my daughter's wedding background info we live in a very conservative city social circles are very close knits and my husband's work is very much relationship based so my bisexual 21 year old daughter started dating her high school classmates another girl when they were both 18. they got engaged two years later problem is her fiance is a stripper and anybody who has seen her instagram would know it and now my daughter's publicly tagged all over her stripper fiance's instagram i don't care if women decide to be strippers or if anybody else dates strippers however my husband her stepfather is a partner at a law firm and many of his clients are very conservative my ex-husband who is also my daughter's father is also mad because of the possible implications because his medical practice was built on long-standing relationships and because saving for a college fund was up to my ex-husband he ended up rescinding the money before my daughter who was taking gap years could go i don't think he's talked to her or sent her money since he even unfollowed her on social media my husband says that already he heard comments about how my daughter was dating essentially a kept woman and asked that i distance myself from her i asked my daughter to reconsider her engagement since her girlfriend fiance has had a lot of family problems but she refuses my husband is the only one who works in our current family as i left college to raise my daughter he's also thinking of retiring soon and doesn't want his last years as senior partner to be marred by his conservative clients judging him for supporting this relationship my daughter sent out a last-minute invite to her wedding and asked if i could come however because she's been posting about it a lot on social media i was sure it was going to be a pretty big thing that could be the focus of our close-knit social scene my husband said he's against me going and i finally decided not to go they got married last weekend and now my daughter has written me a two-page letter saying how much she hates me am i the a-hole i feel like i was stuck between a rock and a hard place but i felt it would be selfish if i didn't think about my husband and what the social consequences are for him i'm sorry um that's not a good excuse that's not a reason to miss your daughter's wedding she's written you a two-page letter saying how much she hates you what is it going to take to get through your thick skull that you are an a-hole for doing this i really don't understand the man is 70 years old he's lived a full life and had a full career of enabling this mindset and enabling these conservative people around him that are going to judge these lifestyle choices oh no a few years out of retirement he's gonna be judged by more people he's had such a perfect streak his whole life who cares it's your daughter she's got a whole life ahead of herself he's 70. statistics have it that he's going to die in 10 to 15 years or something like that right we don't live forever i just cannot believe that it seems like you wanted to go to the wedding but because it's gonna screw other people over you're not going to go so screw your daughter right you're a terrible person you're the a-hole you're the a-hole so you being a kept woman was okay for you but not for anyone else this you don't work because your 31-year age gap husband supports you and you're judging your daughter-in-law's family and job seriously you're the a-hole it gets even better rop got pregnant at 18 by a 29-year-old hypocrisy at its finest glass houses and doll she could well have gotten pregnant at 17 which is even more concerning most likely this is what happened to be honest you're the a-hole a major a-hole but you have company because your ex-husband is an a-hole your current husband is nahol the clients he and you are trying to please are a-holes congrats you forever ruined your relationship with your daughter i would bet good money that she will never forgive and will forever and always hate you like her letter said the clients don't even know they are scared that if they know they will judge him this one reminds me of one from a couple days ago where a guy asked his brother's fiancee to remove her nose ring because it went against the dress code at his job and he didn't want people from work to know that his brother was engaged to a woman who wears a nose ring oh my god you're 39 with a 70 year old husband and a 50 year old ex-husband both of which seem to be well off and you don't work yet you're judging your daughter's choices seems a little holier than thou this also the 50 year old ex gets some extra creepy points for having a baby with an 18 year old when he was almost 30. pretty sure i know a lot of folks with conservative values who would rank that worse than stripping god this is my parents married at 18 and 30. i was born when she was 18. when we talk about it nowadays my dad completely agrees that it was gross and creepy and that he completely understands why my mum's dad always disliked him i have a daughter and my dad goes could you imagine her introducing her 29 year old divorced father to a three-year-old boyfriend when she is 17. you want to fudging strangle the guy and you wouldn't be wrong it's been interesting hearing him reflect on his life now that he's in his 60s in my parents defenses they've been happily married for several decades now and they were both great parents but it still feels freaking weird posted by user southern gay [ __ ] titled am i the a-hole for telling my brother's fiancee that her college fund for her daughter is theft from my brother so this all blew up a few hours ago i am mostly the one in the family that is good with money so everyone recently asked me to look over their household incomes and build them a budget when i got to my brother's i realized that about 300 to 500 of all his checks was being withdrawn every time when i asked him if he knew where it was going he said to ask his fiancee as he didn't know i went to ask her and she said that she had been taking it out and putting it in his separate accounts for about a year now to build her daughtery college funds i asked her if she had ever talked to my brother about this and she said no that she didn't feel she needed to as he had taken on the responsibility of caring for her daughter mind you this is not his child i kind of blew up at this point and shouted at her that not only was she stealing from my brother because he had not given his consent but that this was a needless expense i help my older sister teach her three kids and her child and i can tell you now that she'll never have the ability to attend much less desire to attend college my mother came in at that point we all lived together but my brother was away for work at this moment and stopped me asking what this was about brother's fiance was crying and told mom that i had called her a thief and called her daughter stupid without getting my side mom demanded i apologize and when i tried to explain she defended bgf and said my brother had a responsibility to the kid i refused to apologize but now my family are all mad at me and i have been asked to stay in the rv that we own instead of in the house the question is am i the a-hole i was only trying to stop an unshared upon and unnecessary expense they really can't afford right now edits it was pointed out to me that i could add to the context here a lot of you have said that my brother could have dealt with this on his own the reality is he would never have confronted the situation no matter how he actually felt i am literally the only person he puts the effort into fighting with he cares more about his mining fantasies than his real-life financial health added too after my family cooled down my mother came to the rv to inform me of two things one while my brother did not know about the money coming out or where it was going she and my father were 2. my father is coming home from texas visiting his father who is apparently about to die of lung cancer so he needs to quarantine in the rv so you have to apologize today so you can move back in i refuse to apologize even more now knowing my parents were condoning her actions and andrew talking to my older sister i'm moving in with her and her family we are all cutting off our parents and brother for now which probably means they will have to find another option for fsil's kid's school as soon as i can i'm taking my card off all the bills and taxes and getting a cheap apartment till i can get enough saved to buy land that's going to be a whole nother situation when it happens honestly it's hard for me to give a judgment on this one because there's so many twists and turns and whatever the hell is going on in this story i'm really confused everyone seems to suck in this situation even you for attacking the kid so i'm just gonna go with an everyone sexier i don't know what to say i'm sorry everyone sucks here it was likely wrong of your brother's fiance to do so without permission but it was never your place to confront her you should have told the brother and left him to decide what to do just so you know the girl op was calling too stupid to get into college is seven i'm not defending the fiance but opie's comments about this girl take it into a different level in my opinion what everyone is too stupid to go to college at seven oh my god something about this phrasing is hilarious to me duh i'm seven i can't even write a paragraph essay on the causes of world war one what's going on here you're the a-hole for blowing up at her instead of talking to your brother saying her child is too stupid to go to college how old is this kid even this is a massive a-hole territory and saying that your brother's stb step-daughter isn't his real kid and he has no obligation to her he's marrying her mum it's kind of a package deal when people have kids grow up edits the daughter is seven and you said she's too stupid to have a college fund jesus christ i'm changing to you're the a-hole originally had everyone sucks here i completely agree you're the a-hole for jumping straight to attacking the fiance and daughter when opie had other options to address this it completely crossed the line to attack stepdaughter for something she likely doesn't even know about it is concerning that the fiancee thinks it's okay to just move money into an account that the brother cannot access but your actions made it less likely this issue will be addressed posted by user topic winter titled am i the a-hole for laughing at my sister when she asked me to invest into her cringe etsy business my sister is almost 30. still lives at home and doesn't have a real job she wants to become a successful etsy couture home decor artist basically she wants to buy made in china junk decorate it and sell it at a 900 markup i told her pier 1 already beat her to it and they're going out of business faced with the reality she was going to have to get a real job she reinvented her business as a social justice home decor arts the junk picture frames vases candles wine bottles baskets chia pets pet fashion and gnomes she wants to sell is going to be designed with rainbow flags images of diversity etc she thinks her art will fly off the shelves but has no money to invest my parents lied and said they are broke so she hit me up she told me she needed roughly twenty thousand dollars to start and needed it quickly that made me laugh i told her i'd burn twenty thousand dollars rather than invest in her crappy art you sound like a really pleasant person to be around opie and i'm sure that i'd love to have you as a sibling that would just be wonderful i know that you don't like your idea and i know that it may not be successful and i know that you're salty that they're 30 and still living at home but you can always just ignore it and tell her no you don't have to go in and attack her for it we all have choices in life and we all can choose to not be a-holes but unfortunately you've chosen to be an a-hole in this situation and i will judge you as thus you're the a-hole you're the a-hole for how you handled that yeah i also think it won't go as she thinks it will but you were a total a-hole in your response you could have evenly and coolly and helpfully explained your view to her but instead you dumped your derision on her can we all just agree that laughing at someone is generally an a-hole move i didn't laugh but i told my sister-in-law that her business was not going to work because she hadn't done her research she spent 20k on products without even testing the waters or knowing her target audience for the business i told her she was making a huge mistake the whole family told me i was an a-hole and a pessimist for being so negative the family is one of those you can do anything if you're positive types guess you had to sell their product for an 80 discount and close the business two months later for losing too much money people with business ideas see dollar signs and don't listen to reason sometimes you need to be an a-hole like simon from x factor lol you're the a-hole the way the story is told i agree with your decision to not invest but why be so harsh you could have come up with a hundred reasons that you can't spare any cash or told her in a much kinda way that you don't think this is a good business venture the way you did it you sound like you ranted and you simply wanted to hurt her if you're trying to encourage her to leave home and get a real job there are other ways to deal with that and in any event you did not state that this was your intention posted by user cannot prove it's me titled am i the a-hole for calling my wife petty and hateful my wife was always an extremely thin woman she is in her late 30s now and weighs more than she ever has but she carries it heavily in her hips and buds she is an attractive woman whose employment is partially reliant on her physical appearance not sex work but she has a friend who was about a decade younger when they met the friend was overweight in their years of friendship her friend has become devoted to physical sport including the one my wife introduced to her slash her thing and as a result she has lost weight gained muscle and looks very good she too carries her weight in hips butt and thighs the other day her friend came over to hang out she talked about how much better her times have gotten and how much she dedicates to improving in various aspects she has creative and intellectual endeavors the two have a lot in common as soon as the friend leaves wife unleashes a barrage of crap talk about how the friend is a poser a wannabe a tryhard how she's too skinny she's not the girl has visible abs and looks very fit she even said real women have curves but they both have the same body type after hearing her just crap talk her friend to death i had lost it and told her she was being petty mean hateful and small i told her that i love her body but if she's uncomfortable with her weight she is she talks about it constantly then to do something about it i've seen her working out she puts in half the effort of her friend quits readily makes excuses and is even overblown medical conditions only to lose all symptoms as soon as she gets home she claims to be an artist but spends most of her time on her phone she claims to be a pro at all the things her friend is actively practicing but she doesn't do any of those things and hasn't for most of the decade we've been together i don't mind these things but this girl is a good person and a good friend and doesn't deserve to be treated that way even behind her back especially by her best friends my wife doesn't work more than a few days a month and brings in almost no income if she wanted to pursue anything she is free to do it but she instead chooses to complain and tear others down i've been staying in my office the last two nights am i the a-hole for speaking up about this i don't know if this is typical behavior for female friendships edits i love my wife we have a very straightforward manner of speaking to one another our relationship is not in trouble over this it's simply an argument i am looking for advice on how to proceed i do feel like an a-hole but i feel like she is being unreasonably cruel i'm just gonna say i don't know if it was your place to be making these comments maybe she just wanted to vent to you maybe she didn't want advice we can't really know this without looking inside her head and seeing what her intentions were she is definitely acting a fool here that's for sure and i'm on the fence whether you were right or wrong to have done what you did but to be safe i'm gonna say that everyone sucks here and i think that you could have handled this one better added two i think maybe i was too harsh i do not hate my wife i am just going to go talk to her thank you for the perspective everyone sucks here like she was rude and caddy but the contempt that you are expressing is not a sign of a happy and healthy marriage seek counselling i don't feel like it was contempt though it just sounds like he's calling his wife out for her poor behavior my husband and i do this when we are acting like a dick we get real with each other and we are frank with each other opie not the a-hole i think your wife needed to hear what you had to say you were her husband and what you said came from a place of caring and i don't think you were wrong for what you said i don't get how redditers are always saying to call people out on their crap but then are saying that this man has issues when he's called out petty behavior from his wife his wife from what he describes has some major issues and is grossly projecting that onto her so-called friends i didn't read any of this as contempt i love my sisters to death but we have called each other out on our projections and pettiness towards other people if we were being wrong and hateful i swear sometimes y'all just want there to be issues everyone sucks here for how you talk to each other do you like each other try this you know i love you i think you look fantastic but i also think you're feeling insecure about your friend and it's making you say some really mean things i'm happy to talk to you about feeling insecure or upset but i don't want to trash talk our mutual friend who admires you so much rp says i love how to no end and she is my best friend because our friendship preceded our relationship we have a very blunt way of speaking to one another even in our valves we did do a little crap talk banter about each other well if that's the way you talk to each other normally you are not going to get an accurate judgment here because that is normally not how you talk to someone you love judging by your words and the information you have given i would say everyone sucks here your wife because you were correct in your description of her and you because you said those things out loud but since you now say that the information you have given is incorrect or misleading i don't think anyone here can properly judge you ok and i think that's where we're going to end today's episode guys as always i do hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learn something from these stories just want to say a quick shout out to my patreon subscribers and my channel members you guys should be on the screen right now if you do see yourself i want you to give yourself a little pat on the back for being amazing and supporting me on this channel this uh little journey we're going on on the youtubes i really appreciate it and you guys enabled me to do all this amazing work so if you do see yourself i love your face and i'm happy to see you also guys if you want to pitch in your own support you don't have to but channel links are down in the description below to support the patreon the channel membership whatever you want to do it's kind of like tipping me if you feel like i'm doing a good job on this channel i will be opening up avenues for content on those in the future just right now i'm kind of bogged down and stuck in islands but you know it is what it is anyway guys with that said i do hope you have a wonderful day today whatever you're up to i'd love to know down in the comments below i do hope you have a good day night sleep whatever you're up to today tell me and i'll see you in the next episode guys bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 64,601

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: TurufW98xGE

Length: 140min 8sec (8408 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 28 2020