r/AmiTheA**Hole For FORCING SISTER TO COOK MEAL SHE'S ALLERGIC TO?

g'day there guys bases is self-worth on what time it gets out of bed in the morning here back at it again with another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you love this content i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the barbie enjoy this bloody good content posted by user anti-social apparently titled am i the a-hole for not accommodating my sister-in-law's food allergy i'm 38 male married with three kids recently my mom turned 65 and beg to see her kids and grandchildren on her birthday i have an older brother who's married with four kids ages 2 to 12 only youngest who are his and a much younger brother who's 23 who's single my wife and i offered to host a weekend get together my older brother had to work late the first night but his wife emily fake name offered to come earlier in the day with the kids and cook dinner for everyone emily is a great cook and her parents own a local restaurant that's well known for a dish they serve once a month emily is the chef for that dish and my wife and i have had it but my mum and brother haven't tried it i asked emily when she arrived that day if she would make the dish and she agreed i had most of what she needed but i told her to text my younger brother for any extra items and i would pay for them dinner went great food was wonderful but at some point my mum took a picture of her plate and sent it to my older brother with a caption that said something like you're missing out and then it all went to crap the reason emily only makes this dish once a month at the restaurant is because she's highly allergic to one of the main ingredients her parents are weirdly protective of the recipe and won't let anyone else cook it i assumed this was common knowledge within my family but she and my brother have only been together for about five years so maybe it hasn't come up in any case my brother was furious that i asked her to make it my little brother said i was disgusting and my mum dramatically claimed that i put her in danger frankly i think the reaction was ridiculous she's a grown woman and clearly knows how to manage her allergy it's not like she ate it also emily didn't seem upset about anything and was off watching a movie with all the kids so didn't hear any of this i kind of thought it had blown over after a couple of hours until my older brother got there around midnight and found emily in the kitchen eating some cereal he told me it was bull crap that i made her cook a meal she can't eat and then let her eat cereal again this woman is a grown-up she could have asked my little brother to get her something else to cook for herself but she didn't at that point i was tired my wife had cleaned the kitchen and emily had gotten the kids in bed so when my older brother pulled out a chicken breast saying he was going to cook something for emily i put my foot down and said no i feel like my family babies emily as it is lots of reasons for this i understand it but it's frustrating and i wasn't willing to let my brother make another mess cooking a whole other meal at 12 am the whole rest of the weekend was awkward and strained and basically ended with my mum and younger brother telling me that i ruined the whole get-together do i not get to set any boundaries in my own house alright so before we get to anything else just gonna say by the way he's you know spaced these actions out i definitely believe that he's the a-hole it's a weird occasion when someone only cooks a meal once a month it's weird to have them over and then ask them to cook something that they can't eat and then have them just be happy with that i'm feeling a disconnect where he didn't ask her if she was cool with that or not he kind of just assumed and then to deny the brother in his attempt to make her chicken what what is that about why can't you just let them cook in your own house i feel like a whole another mess cooking a whole other meal there's some more backstory here we're not getting he's definitely trying to frame himself as not the bad guy but i definitely see through that and i think he is opie you're the a-hole edit and update i can see that i'm definitely the a-hole got it i showed my wife this post and the replies this morning she hasn't commented much on this situation and said today it was because she was so embarrassed by my behavior that she didn't know what to say but she agreed with almost everyone i called emily this morning and my brother answered her phone i talked to him for about an hour and then was able to apologize to emily she explained that she said yes to cooking because she knew how much i like the dish and also she doesn't think i like her that much so she was worried that i would be upset if she said no my brother also explained that her allergy has topical effects as well and the cooking process gets the allergen everywhere which is why she hates cooking it so much and also why she can't make anything else for herself at the same time please note that i know i was the a-hole even without this info it just makes it worse it also makes me look at the situation with her parents differently because they've been having her make this meal for years and downplaying the skin reactions like it's not a big deal i work in a really cutthroat callus environment it's not an excuse to be thoughtless with my family but i do think it had some clear effects in my general attitude towards other people i do like emily she improved my brother's life profoundly when they got together which is part of why my family loves her like they do emily was more gracious accepting my apology than i deserve but she did also tell me that she won't be accepting invites to my house again for a while which i think is fair i was mad at first reading a lot of the comments but i needed the reality check thanks midnight malaga says you're the a-hole emily offered to make dinner for everyone incredibly generously and you asked her to make the one thing she couldn't eat herself and then you refused to let her husband make her a meal after he got home because you didn't want the mess you're an unbelievable a-hole no it's even worse because you see opie didn't do anything his wife cleaned the kitchen and emily entertained the kids and put them to bed i'm guessing he didn't want his brother to cook because then opie might have actually had to do something right i almost spit out my coffee at ops i'm so tired and then detailing how his wife and emily did all the work you know what else is also pretty funny his original am i the a-hole post was titled am i the a-hole for asking visiting family members not to cook in my kitchen after midnight so i guess his original line of thinking was that people would agree with him that it's crazy to cook after midnight also he was originally trying to spin it as a request i guess too bad we will never know because he ranted about it for over three thousand characters sounds like emily is very aware of op's a hollery and just avoids him late edits and please correct me if i'm wrong it sounds like opie asked emily to cook this thing a thing he knew she got into arguments about cooking with her own parents after she was there then suggested if she needed her husband to pick her up more she could the husband that got home too late to use opi's kitchen i mean either that or emily chose to keep this upsetting but unavoidable fact from her husband which seems very unlikely did op seriously think it was appropriate to stock his kitchen in anticipation of her cooking something she can't even eat no her husband only came around midnight after working late which was the plan it's the younger brother who was asked to pick up the missing ingredients so opi says cool cook the dish my younger bro will pick up what you need for it younger brother and dopey's mum didn't know about the allergy until after the meal was over this guy's comments are a freaking a-hole gold mine here's a quick summary i was not letting her eat she had some cereal i guess i just thought she would cook something for herself at the same time i think we just assumed she would eat later on she was helping with my kids and hers so she may have been too busy to make anything else i guess that he was just trying to make sure she ate something decent i just didn't think the timing was appropriate and she should be taking care of herself i did know about her allergy she cooked it for my wife and died before i do know that she's tried to stop making it at the restaurant but it caused fights with her parents emily's family is tough on her and she has trouble saying no to things but she's an adult and she has learnt to do that otherwise things like this happen my brother overcompensates in general for other people treating his wife badly in the past also right before he posted this emma the a-hole he tried to post one titled am i the a-hole for asking visiting family members not to cook in my kitchen after midnight and then posts this with a title about accommodating a food allergy that's not what this is all about at all he walked all over this poor woman and is blaming her because well if you let people walk all over you what do you think will happen you're the a-hole opie big time posted by user hitch master titled am i the a-hole for walling off my backyard because i dislike two kids and depriving everyone else as a result i sure feel like the a-hole but i don't think i am so help me out here i live in a non-english-speaking european country and because of history that means that land borders between properties are sometimes very weird well that is the case with my house and the neighbors all our houses are about the same size yet out of all the land behind our houses my area is huge i own like 90 percent of all land there reaching all the way to the woods far behind our houses meanwhile all my neighbors essentially got tiny strips right behind their houses now the part right behind my house is fenced off yet the rest is pretty much open and my wife and daughters like to use it for gardening the field is used by most of the neighborhood boys to play football on as it's the only flat piece of grassland around and they always ask for permission to use it beforehand and i always allow it on the condition i get no complaints if i tell them to leave and they don't litter i also recently had a pool installed to the far back of the property and fenced it off this is important later well this is where the issue starts recently a new family moved in and they seem to think it is public lands i kept catching their kids running through the flowers and vegetable garden and even moved their grill on the field and held a picnic on my land i keep telling them off and informing them it is my land but they just ignore me and the kids sometimes won't leave when i tell them to a month ago the kids even climbed over the fence around the pool and when i got them out and went to their parents they just said oh we just figured it was a public pool i had hoped that that was the end of it yet these people built a fire pit in the three days i was away from my house and when i got back i found it with a bunch of empty beer cans around that was the last straw for me and i hired a company owned by a buddy of mine from what i used to do construction work bought all the supplies and seven days later and a lot of money lighter my entire property was walled off and whenever anyone asked i told them why i was doing that and who they could thank for it well now the new family is treated as if they're a pest and all the neighborhood kids are gutted they lost their football field which has resulted in them picking on the new neighbor's kids i honestly feel pretty terrible but i also feel like i gave them plenty of warnings before taking drastic actions honestly no i think you were completely justified in your decisions to completely fence off your property and it takes a village to change the attitudes of a child it may take a village to raise them but it takes a village to shun them also not the a-hole it just takes a few a-holes to ruin it for everyone you repeatedly told them it was private property and they repeatedly trespassed and disrespected it anyway pretty much i just feel really bad for the other kids especially since there's nowhere else to play football unless they cycle for an hour they could still ask and you could still let them in on your own and you said that they would always ask so what's the difference now you just have to let them in yeah i think if you only let people in after you give them permission you won't be the grumpy old man of the neighborhood and you will still have some privacy the issue is then you have people who may let in the people who are causing the problem or the neighbors will find a way to get in because they obviously feel entitled to this space not the a-hole kids and their parents ruined it for everyone just tell everyone else who mentions it that's what happens you could always install a gate and let some kids in to play football and such if you felt bad about it you don't have to at all he says there is a gate at the back so that's possible posted by user white wedding gg titled am i the a-hole for not letting my mother-in-law attend my sister-in-law's wedding unless she changed her dress first this happened a while ago no big weddings during a pandemic for me don't worry i 24 female was the maid of honor at the wedding of my brother and his wife my sister-in-law while we were planning the wedding my sister-in-law mentioned how overbearing her mom can be and how she always feels bad asking her to stop being an attention hog i told my sister-in-law on the wedding day that i'd take care of her no matter what sure enough mother-in-law pulls up to the wedding wearing a white dress something my sister-in-law guessed she'd do i saw her get out of her car and start walking towards the venue so i pulled her aside before anyone else could see her and brought her in through a side entrance i told her that it was inappropriate to wear white at someone else's wedding and that if she wanted to attend she'd have to change i had my sister-in-law give me one of my mother-in-law's nice dresses so i had a few for her to choose from mother-in-law flipped out on me she told me i had no right to ask her to change and that i was being in pain in the ass on an emotional day she started crying and went to look for her husband so i updated sister-in-law and she told me if mother-in-law would rather miss her and daughter's wedding rather than just change her dress she could miss it mother-in-law ended up changing but made a huge deal out of it and went home early during the reception because she didn't feel welcome she still maintains that i was out of line i don't think i did anything wrong but i do feel really crappy for potentially being the reason my sister-in-law wasn't able to enjoy her wedding fully with her mother even though sister-in-law still had crazy amounts of fun am i the a-hole no it's disgusting that people still have the audacity to wear white to other people's weddings they always try to play it off like they're not trying to take all the attention and make the day about them but they're pretty much michael from the office in address they're definitely trying to get attention they definitely are seeking that there's no excuses to it opie not the a-hole for stopping that madness and getting her to change whoa not the a-hole mother-in-law is a grown woman who cried because she was asked to change out of a white dress at her daughter's funeral oh my god i had to go back and check it wasn't a funeral not a wedding what's wrong with this guy and then went home early just to be petty sister-in-law was right to have you take care of her good job at the wedding not funeral lol the funeral of their friendship my uh condolences it didn't end sooner you are the best sister-in-law ever you saved the bride from having a miserable wedding and reception with wedding photos of her mother competing with her in a white dress queen of not the a-hole this when we were still planning a big wedding cove it happened i told my bridesmaids they would have to be on mum of the bride judy my mother ruined my college graduation screamed at me in public refused to attend despite being on campus and has a bad habit of making every event about her through tantrums sister-in-law knew what she was asking for when she asked you to handle it if i was sister-in-law i'd be worshiping the ground you walk on la mal you're obviously not the a-hole who the hell wears a white dress to a wedding you did exactly what the bride asked you to don't worry a bride wears a white dress to a wedding that was easy give me another should i propose and come out slash announce that i'm pregnant at someone else's wedding no i'm on a roll here should i smash that subscribe and like button for marky who knows i'll let you guys decide posted by user old boysenberry4160 titled am i the a-hole for getting upset with boyfriend for turning off wi-fi i am taking three college courses online i break each course up into two days a week per course so i do school work six days a week for about four hours each day including studying this has never been an issue with my boyfriend as we are still able to spend plenty of time together today i had a test for one of my courses it was due by 11 pm there is only one opportunity for the test and this course i'm struggling a little bit with the material so i spoke with my boyfriend and asked him to please not disturb me for a few hours while i study and did my test he agreed and told me he'd play his game while i studied and after we'd have a date night i studied for an hour then got a drink real quick and kissed boyfriend and said i was going to take the test now he said great i'm almost done with the game i'll shower and get ready for our date i said okay and went back to the room i was five minutes into my test when the page wouldn't load i checked my internet connection on my laptop and it wasn't connected i went and asked my boyfriend if he did something to the wi-fi he said yeah i had to restart the router and modem my game stopped loading i asked why he didn't say anything to me as he knew i was taking a test he said that it would connect again in just a minute and i could finish the test and it wasn't a big deal i said it was since he knew i was doing a test and he cut the wi-fi without telling me well the wi-fi didn't immediately reconnect it took 45 minutes to figure out the problem he managed to snap a piece off the cord and it wouldn't properly reconnect to the router he had an extra but it took a while to find it when i was finally able to get back on my test i had 10 minutes left to answer 55 questions i just barely passed with a low c i told him i felt he intentionally messed up my test since he knew which class it was for and he gave no prior warning to turning off the internet he said i told him not to disturb me and he was just following orders i said no i just think you're a jerk because you know how much i've been struggling with this course and you sabotaged my test for a stupid bloody game he said i was a beer and left the apartment i called a friend who agreed with him that since i said not to disturb me he was just doing as told am i the a-hole here did i overreact no you didn't overreact whether he wants to snap out of denial or not he genuinely did sabotage your test so he could play a stupid game the boyfriend can put away the game for an hour and do something else with his time he has a phone he has books he can go for a run he can do anything yet he intentionally chose to disconnect the internet all for a stupid game education overrules games especially in this context no arguments there the boyfriend needs to apologize and really work to make it up to her jesus he's really deflecting guilt and responsibility for this and that's disgusting opie not the a-hole you deserve to be treated much better than that not the a-hole he was being selfish and focusing only on his needs don't forget the passive-aggressive you told me not to disturb you so i couldn't check with you before cutting off the wi-fi during your test as well as the manipulative you just don't want to go on a date with me this guy sucks him turning off the wi-fi very obviously disturbed her so i would say that even trying to use the do not disturb excuse is steaming bs agreed it's a dig at her asking to have some time to herself for the test and it's a selfish pretext for doing what he wanted to do without caring about the effect on her schooling i think the phrase is don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rain where do posters on here find friends and family it's almost always friends and family members agree that i was wrong etc not the a-hole big time cutting the internet for any reason while you were doing a test is wrong but for the sake of a game that goes beyond inconsiderate and fully into disrespectful and just being a complete jerk is this an isolated event with him or is he always so selfish and idiotic not the a-hole drop the friend and the boyfriend this is some bs it really is common sense to let someone know you're going to do something that will affect their test i'm sorry op what a crappy thing to do op replies i understand that things happen and sometimes the need to reset the wi-fi when i've had to do it i've always let him know and any friends that might be over that it was going to be cut out or i wait until the time that it's not being used i just felt so let down that my grade could have been better if i had the proper chance to do the test posted by user seleni titled am i the a-hole for telling my therapist she's not worth 200 an hour i started seeing a therapist three years ago in time i felt she wasn't a great fit or a great therapist reasons one she was chronically late even though she had lunch before my session we regularly started 10 minutes late or more which is a big deal when i'm coming in the middle of my work day and can't stay late which i did call out and request time added to the next session which she did not like two she kept pushing practices on me that i don't use i got tired of saying after ex stressful thing happened i meditated for 10 minutes and felt much better and her saying did you try why next time try y instead of meditation why would i do that i'm doing something that works and i'm comfortable with why keep pushing something else and three she felt like she was just phoning it in a lot in the beginning she felt engaged and like she was paying attention and pushing me to improve my mental health but over time it didn't feel like she was helping me anymore i started to think i should look elsewhere for therapy then a bizarre situation with billing came up this year she wanted to know what my total deductible was and for me to pay her 200 per session until my entire deductible was filled then switched to the lesser payments once my coverage took over i was seeing other specialists during this time those visits were also taken out of my deductible her wanting me to pay her my entire deductible made no sense and was going to cost me more money we got that straightened out but that was the nail on the coffin and i was going to look for a new therapist and drop her then karona karona happened and i thought that it might be better to stay for now though the therapy continued to be lackluster last session she announced that she's opting out of taking insurance so in some months i'd need her to pay her whole fee 200 myself i said that i'd have to end our relationship i am seeing an in-network therapist because of money she then says well i think i'm worth two hundred dollars a month to which i said i don't i feel like a total a-hole for saying that the silence was thunderous while kicking myself repeatedly i weakly told her that i had felt for some time like maybe our connection wasn't the greatest and that while i wished her individual practice well i couldn't afford it and didn't feel like our connection had been that great for a while so it's probably best to end there we hung up on that note but she texted me after asking for reasons i mentioned the above points and she pushed back saying i should have said something but i did call out one and two in the moment she pushed back more so i said i apologize for hurting your feelings i wish you and your practice all the best but i don't have anything to say further and put her on mutes am i the a-hole i do wish i'd handled it better but at the same time i think i addressed most of our issues head-on and she didn't want to hear them i don't think so i don't think you're an a-hole for doing that part of therapy is to help you gain your confidence is it not or at least help deal with your issues and if one of your issues was dealing with you know confronting situations well then she put you in a confronting situation and you dealt with it confidently it's okay to speak your mind and as your therapist she should be enabling such a positive attitude or approach to it i can understand being upset at the 200 a month but by the way you worded it it seems like she keeps pushing boundaries and making you uncomfortable and telling you to do things that don't work and i applaud you for what you've done opie i definitely don't think you're an a-hole edit thank you all so much especially the therapists for your support and pointing out that her i'm worth 200 dollars was completely unprofessional and uncalled for also for pointing out that the texting afterwards was wildly unprofessional and not something a therapist should do for the record this is the first time either of us ever texted each other and the message wasn't got your message that we won't be doing therapy this week see you next week i wanted to mention a few other things that came up repeatedly in the comments she was a really good therapist for longer than the first year and we had two conversations about the deductible that were completely normal so the start and a large part of our relationship was very good and i made great progress with her for quite a while she helped me out enormously at first and even when things originally went a bit downhill she was helping me and seemed like she was still a solid therapist the other thing was a few people pointing out that me shooting down her suggestions may make her disengage to be clear i only shoot down the suggestions she made about me changing behaviors that were working well for me if i came to her with a behavior or thought pattern that was not working for me and she had suggestions i was willing to try them until i found something that works but if she wanted me to change a behavior that had helped me for years why would i do that every other therapist i've ever gone to worked on top of a foundation of whatever already worked for me so long as it wasn't an unhealthy behavior i've never had a therapist push me away from doing something that helps me try something new anyways i feel much better about really knowing that her behavior really wasn't okay on multiple levels i've had therapists before that i didn't click with but i've never had one that did anything unethical or unprofessional before and this ending was a sad crappy end to what had been a really productive relationship kelly margaret says not the a-hole a therapist that doesn't listen when you mention an issue about her being late or the constant need to get more of your money and not insurance is just weird with these problems how are you supposed to trust her to help you with your life you did the right thing selani says when the money thing happened for whatever reason that's when i lost all trust i've had therapists that were really great but chronically tidy but they acknowledged it and they would be the ones to say let's extend your next session by 10 minutes next time or make it clear that they knew it was something they needed to work on before i brought it up and it would wax and wane with time and they were overall worth it but the money thing was like i was already mourned more on the fence about continuing therapy with her as it was because it seemed like there were more and more off days than on days and i guess the money thing made it feel like she only saw me as a paycheck and not as a person she was being paid to help and i felt pretty done i got the feeling she would take your 200 and still charge your insurance she was definitely acting suspiciously i couldn't fully explain that part in the post let's say my deductible is 2k insurance pays nothing until i pay 2k out of pocket so her way i pay her for 10 visits totaling 2k for jan visits for feb to march then i pay her 20 and insurance pays her something like a hundred dollars because once they start paying she has to accept what they will offer and not get her full price however in reality i also see a pain management doctor twice a month let's say he also charges 200 just to keep it easy january i pay her 800 for four visits and him 400 for two visits february i pay her 600 for three visits and him 200 for one visits and then my deductible is filled so i pay her fully for a total of seven visits for fourteen hundred dollars before she starts getting the lower payments when she brought up what she wanted to do i was confused because one we'd never did this before though she insisted we did and also insisted all her other patients did this two this would mean i'm paying her six hundred dollars more than i should be which if i was in the market to pay someone out of pocket i wouldn't be seeing an in-network therapist for so it was super shady and i'm not totally sure how she was going to manage it insurance wise but after already really feeling like she wasn't helping me i now felt like she wasn't helping me anymore and trying to take advantage of me not the a-hole you did the right thing and you let her know she got way more time than she deserved it's amazing how people act crappy you mention it a few times as a warning then quit them now that they won't be getting your money kindness etc it's a huge deal i just don't have time to waste on people like this anymore no matter what it could never be their fault to be honest i feel so much better having them out of my life as opposed to giving them chance after chance begging them to change because they rarely do all right i think that's where we're gonna leave today's episode guys i really do hope you enjoyed the content today if you guys loved watching it as much as i loved making it i would love for you to subscribe to the channel already if you haven't tell me what you thought of it down in the comments below maybe like the video who knows i'd also like to take this time to thank my awesome patreon and channel members without you guys you know i don't know what i'd do i'd probably be homeless on the streets of ireland crying irish dancing all over town it would just be a mess but no for real you guys are up on the screen now thank each and every one of you guys and if you personally want to join the club yourself there are links down in the description below there's also the join button next to the subscribe button small monthly fee but hey it goes a long way to help me create more awesome content but with that said guys i hope you do have a lovely day night sleep evening day at work day at school whatever you're up to i hope you keep awesome today you're looking amazing and i will see you in the next video bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 26,710

Rating: 4.9314966 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: MjYgtA72jcs

Length: 33min 35sec (2015 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 18 2020