Poundland Special: Wine Ear Panda Audiobook | Ashens

cheapo ah time for this year's first foray into the pound shops in our increasingly mislabeled Poundland specials because of course most of the items seem to come from panworld these days with little sprinkling of 99p stores on top for that frisson of joy we all need in our lives speaking of which we can now distract ourselves from the horrors of the world with an amusing hand thanks to funny dogs they're dogs they're funny you can wind them up and then wind them up some more hopefully something actually happens to this clockwork action and if you think they look a bit [ __ ] in the photo wait till you see it in real life I'd like to point out that it's not peel the fur off here this is how they all were in the shop this isn't even a particularly bad example never mind your manufacturers may have not cared about you but actually we don't know that so well either stop that anything on here note this is made by the ironically named top toys sad onions quite interesting has a kind of looks really really pissed off so of horrified with what he's done with his life onion hmm he's seen the design of this has me so what do you do that's so amusing funny dog presumably involves the movement of your front legs on the grounds that's there doesn't seem to be anything else going on really and it's quicking weirdly wind-up and watch him amuse Go Go fatty dog ok let's try that again it appears to be a cross between a crap hound and some sort of Road drill ix Ellie Shore randomly grab the bit of cardboard off the an event calendar from last year before I chuck it in the bin and let's see what he's supposed to do they didn't mean funny amusing they meant funny weird didn't they it's all coming to light now most important thing though is can we wind them up and then force the motor to the runway yep just flatten the old road there Larios am bitterly be starting there any I'm trying to sleep I'm working nights and other things that people shout at road crews well thanks funny dogs already this is the greatest day of my life and I haven't even seen what a blithering hell this thing is yet multifunctional stand ear earphone tidy keyring and phone stand is ear shaped silicon with sucker yep let's make a joke about sucker and the people buying these but morning when uses phone stand and she'll phone is secured to the stand there's no liability will be accepted for accidental damage I didn't think it would be so why is it in here but why is it in here lads why did somebody think what people haven't seen when they walked inside world is a big rubber lug I really don't understand that in the slightest and what it's pierced and you can use that piercing to attach your keys you can wrap your headphones around it and then presumably stick the top through that bit so your headphones are now attached to a stupid ear thing and you can apparently stick this to the back of your phone and use it as a stand I like the idea that it's a sort of multi-use item but it's a bit large to really be used as something to wrap your headphones around I think of us you carry a very big bag with you and also I don't if you noticed but it looks [ __ ] stupid why is it it is why is the target market dolph lundgren from Universal Soldier or sir wow that was like a family joke guy Joe Glavin this week on obscure references to films the audience hasn't seen em sorry just chained my fancy affair Seth MacFarlane's calling nothing as yet but hey it's early days yeah I I do wonder actually if they made this hoping that somebody on YouTube would spot it and take the piss out of it well mission achieved lads because I don't think you're gonna achieve much else with that anyway that was a bit silly so let's use something more sensible like a wine monkey jazz up any bottle wine not I can think of many reasons why you probably wouldn't want a bottle to look like that but you know that's just me made from all-american red heeled socks tremendous that was a worry slips over any standard wine bottle slips over any red or white wine bottle even champagne or similar size yep you're kind of reiterating the point there swing into any party and arrive in style although unfortunately you also be arriving with this go bananas wine monkey so let's get this straight you've sewed some buttons on a sock and you expect us to stick bottles in it so people can't see that you're an alcoholic but can't see that you're an idiot brilliant simply slides on that looks ruder than I think perhaps it should this is not a toy and contain small parts that could present a choking hazard to young children ray right let's there we are it really is just a slightly very low quality sock actually that's why they're pushing the fact that Americans you're all patriotic and don't think hey this is a low quality sock although come to think about the selling in the UK so it's kind of rollin these aren't even sewn on these buttons they are glued on that is amazing right sock monkey let's get some high quality booze mmm there's nothing quite like it and hmm Wow oh hang on I'm doing it the wrong way around oh my god I'm breaking the sock monkey code and this is frankly the one most bizarre things I think I've ever done there we are hilarity very name is wine monkey more like why rather than wine I think I doubt it's like a Christmas present for somebody you really hate could you actually use it as a puppet though there's only one way to find out and that involves being very confused is because you have to stick your hand in the top of its head either Stuart let's have some fun with pound Lance Jesus your [ __ ] hands in my brain and that's why I'm not allowed on children's television anymore anyway enough weird animals let's have a weird animal instead ok I've noticed a theme here by teep and or anyone right there's various problems with this other than the fact that this toy does seem to actually been designed to injure children ow ow ow imagine nine hours of that looping so probably better than what you're getting on most cable channels um it's kind of weird stream lis frightening symmetry of absolute frickin Lovecraftian horror going on I don't really understand what's happened here it's like they've seen an animal from the side given it a giant head but then you know the whole sculpting from a front the bit was a bit difficult so we've just gone on so that really does freak me out and produce this kind of yeah weird entity that should never have existed and to really drive things home they had to put a tag on it so in order to get the tag they decided to literally drill a hole between its bloody eyes in order to put that isn't this somewhere else you could have put the tag rather than drilling a specific hole between its things eyes so it looks even more dead than it did before let's have a look at the extremely complication mechanism spring and doji strain marvelous right what is the theory behind this then chompers from Wild Republic proceeds from this sale are helping support foundations for disadvantaged children mainly exhibit bitten by this [ __ ] thing and abandoned animals that were abandoned because they were normal and not weird symmetrical mutant monsters and never missed out any money this went to charity because by the time his gun pans and has probably been sold for a fraction of what it should be yeah I can see why this ended up in peril and for various reasons the main thing is do you really want to give kids a toy that not only shows them what animals don't look like but just seemed exist to hurt them and get them to hurt other people around them marvellous well you can ways hide it in your sock monkey I suppose now the next thing is quite fantastic and does indeed come from the original place for me Poundland I went in there and they had a load of audiobooks Chivers or possibly Cheevers audiobooks complete and unabridged you don't miss any of the good parts of the whip hand by victor canning as read by valentine guile if you're wondering who avantime dial is it's that guy who you may recognize from every television program in the 70s assembling and what's the deal Valentine diarrhea inscript no don't tell me about the person reading the bloody thing I don't care he's appeared in Doctor Who Blake 7 the Black Adder and the role which brought him to the public eye the man in black in appointment with fear always know about the book that's more like it what does this say about our celebrity culture look we don't give a monkey's about who actually wrote the bloody book we're all interested in who's reading it and also this is ancient and so it's been like it for a while being in his a visual state of insolvency the commission from the affluent hand stem Olsen seemed like manna from heaven - Rex Carver private investigator oh my god is a Rex Carla Britton Rosa ignoring the advice of his trusty associate Wilkins is that his name for his penis is that his trusty associate this has already got a subtext Carver agreed to track down Caterina saxman whose name appears to contain the word sex the beautiful German girl on whom Stapleton claimed to be keeping a fatherly eye okay this is just the the subtext of this is terrify me anyway was written in 1965 by Victor canning thanks mate playing time eight and three-quarter hours it's a long one and of course the real joy is it comes on bloody audio cassettes I was gonna say I wonder how much this was originally it doesn't seem to be any sort of a RRP thing going on so yeah from 1984 how did pound against I literally bought this less than six months ago so that would have been 2014 where has he been sitting for 30 years in a warehouse presumably and then famine just found a load and stuck them at random right we should play one of these cassettes shouldn't we let's go for number nine which is obviously the lucky one and as you say perhaps we can do side 10 as of course it is rewound to side 9 that would not be a good idea and what if anybody uses these at all for anything these days anybody out there be sure to leave a comment nobody will read right get my trusty cassette player which was made about the same year as these were recorded I think let's fast-forward it a bit give us the goods Valentine dial because the receiver going done after that things went on moving fast I met very tear in the piazza aroma which is right up the other station brilliant well that's sort of me as soon as I turn it on you can hear and go in the background you sort of get that on my videos because I have no budget what's your Excuse Chivers audiobooks well that was an unexpected find but thank you all the same power man because it is amuse me nonetheless now to end for once I would actually like to show a good item the Poundland cell and I was very pleased to get for a pound this gigantic Lego Mindstorm set no not really it was actually this exciting pig-shaped torch combination torch with two LED bulbs and batteries for instant use pump-action self generates power anytime and if you have ever wanted light to come from a pump-action Pig this is the perfect thing unfortunately I'll sell them at the moment there's some they only sold in the camping gear and in the summer but they are surprisingly good especially for a pound basically look it lights up with them LEDs in its nostrils but more importantly flick this and you can keep going with dynamo power for as long as you like and yes I know it's stupid and looks like a pig it's actually really useful things like having the car if you are out camping it means you've only got a torch but it doesn't matter the batteries are now it's because you can do this the only thing it's not good for is if you're being sort of hunted through the woods by somebody from a slasher movie because they'll be able to hear you doing this and it will give away your location but then you can amuse them with the hilarious monkey sock and when they least expect it smash them over the head with it it's actually got a wine bottle in the middle you see it's all coming together maybe you can keep an ear out for them with this and then I don't know get some ideas of how to fight from this whip handbook and there's a panda no I can't think of anything maybe you could actually use it to torture the murderer of information see if there are any more murderers around before you go and stop them it's a living subscribe for more

Channel: ashens

Views: 908,640

Rating: 4.9412189 out of 5

Keywords: Ear (Anatomical Structure), Audiobook (Industry), cassette tape, the whip hand, poundland, poundworld, ashens, 99p stores, panda, biting panda, ear, ear stand, funny dog, clockwork, pig torch, review, funny, stuart ashen

Id: zFvJN_x-1Gg

Length: 13min 16sec (796 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 11 2015