Valentines Special 2015 | Ashens

hello ah Valentine's Day again the one time of the year where we take time out to remember since Valentine the patron saint of reminding you that you will die alone and unloved and this year as usual I've been off to the pound shops and actually found enough stuff to do a special on unlike last year and let's begin with a bit of a conceptual problem welcome cute love you bear he loves you you know look he's written it on a comedy heart you can't really argue with facts like that also he's walked in a lot of blood recently but let's not worry about that as you can see he's very cute and his head's in a snow globe a bit like a sort of diving helmet in Reverse it's dry outside but wet on the inside notice a conceptual problem yet yeah bears can't breathe underwater they have essentially murdered this bear by encapsulating his head in a glass via pull of full of liquid and little flakes maybe it's sparkly dandruff who knows seriously guys put some thought into your Valentine's stuff before you stickin in the shop say is that be quite a nice thing if it wasn't so horrible dead animal II anyway on the much nicer side of things let's have a look at some balloons from no angel which I think we've come across before and as I've probably pointed out before is a has a horrible legal precedent in the UK but let's now get into that it's an eight pack of heart shaped I love you balloons I love you balloons you're my favourite balloons that's a bit weird here's the sticks that you always need for balloons balloon are a stick it's like christmas has come early so as you can see they say I love you on them and they're lovely red and heart-shaped and half of them look like used condoms it is that intentional you really don't want to be giving the sort of creamy milky color so this kind of thing D that is one of the most horrible things I've ever seen actually I've spotted them again this year and they were all red so I think they realized their mistake and the thing to be interesting on the back children especially those under 8 years of age can choke or suffocate and uninflated or burst balloons keep uninflated balloons out of the reach of children and if no ends it uninflated keep UNIF lighted balloons discard burst balloons a media keep away from pets basically don't buy this it's lethal unif lated what does that mean unafraid you hi these balloons are being unit fellated the best type of Lie I'm very confused by your weird English and it's got a nought to late mono sad onion which is a rarity anyway used condom balloons I'm gonna have to blow one up on there and then lols putting my lips around it and I'm pleased about that so a little heart-shaped I know these ones aren't heart-shaped well that's a bit of a lie isn't it an eight pack of I love you balloons so we're of the disturbingly Milky ones come from hang on yeah there's eight of these and hmm well what do they look like blown Oh God even the end looks like ah oh god guys but what was going on in the factory that day bloody have you haven't even mentioned you've given us these on the front of the packet right here goes alright they looks it does Jax now I'm like it does just look like an inflated condom that is pretty much my response to that what do the ones here look like a blown-up heart-shaped I would hope it's like the lungs of some dead creature I specify the creature was dead there oh they're only heart-shaped until you blow them up apparently oh no the more you inflate the more heart-shaped it gets ah bloody hell except you have to blow them up so over extreme to get heart-shaped that they explode because they're very thin well don't worry we've got the condom one so that's why they give you these sticks they're not actually to hold the balloons with they're to prod them with because you don't touch them with you with your hands happy Valentine's Day everybody rights moving swiftly along from this den of filth let's get into some really low-quality crap presenting gift for you so I'm guessing this was leftover from a Christmas thing especially for you especially lament they bought a deep you made in China mmm I don't think this was made especially for anybody now it is literally just the cheapest of polystyrene bears with mild flocking it with his ass glued a bit of cardboard a bow stuck so far down his body it looks like his burst out his chest like in bloody alien eyes are coming out of its head and stuck in the wrong place this really is the cheapest bit of shite I have ever seen give that your loved one and watch them disappear immediately and who indeed can blame them mm-hmm you thought that was bad wait until you see what I found at the last minute in 99p stores mug and coaster said yes what's wrong with that nice mug a coaster of a 99 P it's got hearts on it what more do you want from life have you seen the problem yet let's open it up shall we well the mug mug is quite good actually it's a little bit so dirty you were just like worried of something the other shop and the glaze are sort of pulled away at the bottom I wouldn't want to put that on any taking expensive tables it might take the surface off but it's not a bad mug as cheap mugs go then you look at the coaster where it's all peeled off and gone manky they were all like this seriously I didn't like go through and pick the one bad one that every single one in let's name and shame him 99p stores might have done that already had in there she wasn't giving this to somebody even the bottom let's cut so this is one of the lowest quality items I've ever actually encountered from one of the pawn shops unbelievable Deary me lads I can only imagine the old quality control was a well frankly I imagine they did they saw this and it killed it right next up how about something to make your lover feel very special indeed my with love number one might dip let's start that again my number one love with love look there's lots of Love's going on on this trophy that's the main thing number one love trophy oh and look it's made by PMS premenstrual syndrome absolutely marvelous and yeah you notice the pictures in the background so we've got a fake purple Rani thing going on if you're not aware of purple Rani it was like a cutesy card thing in the UK for bloody decades where you'd have crap stick figures with slightly rude poems about bottom burps and nobody was really particularly used but it existed for some reason so here we are proved how worthless your love is with this completely pointless empty plastic trophy for 99 pence but here's the real joy if you go to another section of the shop you can get exactly the same Cup but get two for 99 pence just without the dodgy love sticker on it and a slightly different base but otherwise exactly the same thing except this one is from a pirate party - pirates trophy cups you haven't even bothered to stick a pirate thing on there's nothing piratey about this at all they look like sports trophies guys you haven't tried in the slightest very nice packaging don't get me wrong but yeah you can't just write pirate on the actual packaging and do nothing with the product at least you put a sticker on that one but then charge twice the price for a Deering me Valentine's is ruined cheer us up somebody how about with this extremely nice metal I think it's level yeah I'm going for methyl although it's kind of cheap finished bottle opener in the shape of a heart look very nice I love you more than you love beer yeah see that sounds sort of cute until you think about it I love you more than you love beer this is a desperate cry for help from somebody with an alcoholic partner and now that's entirely killed the mood I think it's time to move away from pound shop stuff and show you something that I was sent quite some time ago by an anonymous person who may have given me their name I can't remember his bloody years ago a romantic heart Corazon the romantical more than 100 challenges for pure romance and it contains tweezers in case you've got rogue eye hair while you're doing it so the idea is you take the old top off - I have no idea instead if this did come from a shop where it cost equivalent the pound I couldn't tell you but I can tell you that this is sitting off people with that phobia for holes by now I should imagine a comment was cool begins with the T can't remember but I tell you I can remember using tweezers will enable to you to remove a little Valentine's Day challenge I seem to remember this came with a letter actually saying I should do them with Dan that is not going to happen season Bristol send your partner an arousing message soon where you make it plain that you are yearning for her or him warning this constitutes an offense in Scotland and on the back it has it in in Spanish which is useful if you speak Spanish but we're gonna stick with the English for this one also we're going to hold it upside down in case the Australians for watching send your partner an arousing message soon when you make it plain their yearning for her him make sure you do it via text when they're in a meeting people really love that right so that can go back in you've got um done out properly I don't to ruin the Valentine's Day setting I'm going to go for this one next bye or go and get your partner's favorite candy and give it a her or him as a gift oh that's quite nice one isn't it here we are have something immensely fat thing that always helps you feel better about yourself how about open grab it this one send a romantic ecard to your partner because apparently it's 1997 again anything else how about a matte animated message mate good grief they can read it while they're looking at a website with a link to a guest book and a MIDI file playing in the background over a bloody starfield gear for them right this one from the edge didn't tell your partner every little thing about why you love her or him warning this may take some time and probably a lot of memory wracking you may have an aneurysm and died while this happens don't worry that's perfectly normal go on another one that one this one says before your partner goes to bed put a tender note on his or her pillow or Howrah his pillow as they've actually written put a tender note we mean like legal tender you mean put a five-pound note on their bed before they go to sleep that would probably quite please people although confuse them and may make them think that your relationship with them has now entered in prostitution so that could end quite badly right this one hoping to take them there twice that would ruin things boil an egg for you hmm boy an egg for your partner tomorrow morning how does she or he like it hard or soft moving swiftly on without comment we will grab two more of these I feel and then I put it away and take it out again next year this is a gift that keeps on giving when the pound shops aren't due a love test together on the Internet alternatively stop wasting your time like idiots that's entirely up to you to remain afterwards take one of those quizzes where it tells you which lord of the rings' character you are and finally I'm going for this one here Oh got to go on then we'll do two of them the first one says tell your partner what do you thought was the most beautiful gift she or he ever gave you or was it a picture of me I'll bet it was ask your partner what she he wishes the most for in the future and if it's divorce don't act surprised subscribe for more

Channel: ashens

Views: 524,354

Rating: 4.9590154 out of 5

Keywords: valentines day, ashens, poundland, special, 2015, ashens valentine special, bear, drowning, condom balloons, balloons, burst, pop, condoms, balloon, heart, instructions, dares, trophy, bottle opener, mug, coaster, review, funny, Stuart Ashen

Id: HaT9vX36Ne8

Length: 12min 36sec (756 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 09 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/180enforcer]

I was able to predict what Stuart would comment on for the final note (what he/she wishes for in future = divorce). I shall use my predictions for the upcoming lottery.... and fail horribly in the process.

Also, No Angel having a horrible legal precedence in the UK? Must know details.

[u/Randyy1]

^spoiler

I just knew you'd say those balloons look like used condoms, I thought the same thing!

[u/nzgabriel]

What's this legal thing with the No Angel brand? What video does he discuss it in, if any?

[u/AnalBananaStick]

The bottle opener looked a bit like a dick.

[u/240-185]

One thing that baffles me: besides Ashens, who the hell would buy these tats in order to make a good celebration of Valentine's Day/Christmas/Easter/whatever?

[u/DrDagless]

Valentines Special?

I love you too, you magnificent bastard of cheap tat.

[u/davedubya]

I lost it slightly at the "disturbingly milky" balloons.

[u/glottal__stop]

How do you like your eggs? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[u/MrWiseDoge]

I've done as Stuart instructed me. Turns out I'm Aragorn.