Cheapo! Once again I've scoured the Land of Pounds,
in order to bring you some amusing tat to gawp at, and let's start with banishing bad
odours. With this Signalex (Eurgh!) USB air freshener. Powered by USB. "USB Air freshener, powered by USB." Yes we worked that out from the name. "Ocean Fresh", that means it smells like rotting
seagulls. "Mini-size for discrete use" yes, 'cause there's
nothing more discrete than something that emits an odour. "Diffuse fragrance oil with your computer",
yes, just the thing we've all been looking for! Hmm... This new laptop's great, but I do wish it
would diffuse fragrance oil! Here's the thing itself, it looks like a USB
stick, presumably it just gets hot from USB power. And then burns that blue fluid that came with
it. This is also available in pink. This however, is the blue one. You can tell by the way that it's blue. Right, what's on the back? "Directions for use. Drop the fragrance oil into the crossed shaped
hole." Ooh-err. "1-2 drops are enough for operating all day
long." Blimey, it sounds like some sort of hefty
drug. "Plug into your computer ensuring the stick
is laid flat and not inverted." Yeah, nothing worse than an inverted stick! "Only use the fragrance oil supplied with
this air freshener." Hmm... i.e keep buying them if it runs out. Although I think they've run out of these
in Poundland already, so never mind! "Do not use products not intended for this
product." Fair enough. Care to explain what the hell you're talking
about? "Ingredients:" Nothing that can be pronounced
by me. "Warning!" Keep out of reach of children and eyes, pets,
don't stick it in things. Blah, Blah, Blah. "Irritant." Yes, I am. Oh! You mean the product. Yes, don't get it in your eyes, on your skin,
or in your brain. Right, well, I suppose we'd better open it
up. There we are. I was so excited when I first saw these, 'cause
for a fraction of a second I thought that Poundland were selling USB memory sticks. I couldn't have been more stupid. Right, so we've got to put one or two drops,
in the cross shaped hole. That should not be a problem. Careful with this, apparently it's massively
irritant, or something. And how does that end come- Which is the end
that comes off? Ah, it's that one. Yeah. Squeeze that, right. One or two drops. Drop the first. No, that isn't working, I've to squeeze this
bit, oh bloody hell. Drop the first! Drop. Now the Second. Drop. Marvellous! Put that carefully to the side. And now, using this USB adaptor, plugged into
an extension socket, I shall shove it in. Which I can't do, it doesn't fit. Why doesn't it fit? That's not good. There we are! Marvellous. There's no indication that it's on. Presumably I just wait for it to catch fire,
or something. Well, I shall put that to the side here, and
then refer back to it throughout the review to see what stench it has created. Does the perfume itself smell on it's own. [Sniffs] Yes. It smells of cheap air freshener, strangely
enough. OK, we want another item, how about something
else from Signalex? 'Cause they haven't amused us enough yet. [Laughs] I'm sorry, it's just the concept of this,
gets me every time. [Laughs] It is the- [Laughs] Eurh. Jump-Cut. I do apologise, but uhh... I still haven't got over the fact that this
thing physically exists. Yes! "Mobile Phone Handset, compatible with most
Mobile Phones." You literally plug this into your phone and
use it as a '70s style receiver. You know, on your massively expensive modern
smart-phone thing. I mean. Good Glory Be. Who thought this was a good idea? Who told them this was a good idea? And who had the damned thing manufactured? It's just unbelievable! Anyway, their excuse for its existence is:
"Helps eliminate radiation absorbed through mobile phones." You know, that thing that's not really a thing. Basically, you thought of some crap and wanted
to sell it to idiots, and that's your excuse, isn't it? Come on then. "3.5mm plug (fits audio sockets). One touch button for pick-up & hang-up directly
from the handset (not all mobile phones support this function)." "Compatible with all 3.5mm-" blah, blah, blah
"including iPhone, Blackberry, iPad, and the latest MacBooks." Yeah! Because after you've spent eleventy-bajillion
pounds on a laptop, you obviously want to look for the world's cheapest microphone to
go with it. Here it is. [Laughs] This really is like something off of a phone
from the earlier '80s, isn't it? Oh my goodness. Well, let's plug it into my phone. I can't believe this is actually happening. I'm probably just off my face on fumes from
that thing. Which incidentally, has not given any smell
at all yet. Right, umm... Actually, just leave it off. And I can use the button on the back, which
yes, does work, to call Siri, and pretend I've got a friend. Ready? I'm going to hold down the button and ask
him a question. Why are you so useless in the UK? Right, let's see his answer to that. "Sorry Stuart, I can only look for businesses,
maps, and traffic in the United States, and when you're using U.S. English." Fuck you, you racist. Oh well, that's not much use to me, is it? Siri, never liked him anyway, or her, depending
on which country you're in. Well, that's that then. It feels a little bit cheap, you'll be surprised
to hear(!) [Laughs] And, if you're interested in what it actually
sounds like, quality-wise. >> This is a recording made through the pointless
Poundland Handset. This really is, quite unbelievable. I mean not only does it look like something
from the '70s, but when I used it to phone somebody, it sounded like something from the
'70s. They were like "My god, I can barely make
out what you're saying. It's really low quality!" Well that's what they said to me but I heard [Deliberately Muffled Inaudible Speech] Unbelievable. I mean, what do you expect for a pound? I suppose. But why does it exist? Why? Why? Why? Oh well, let's check the smells from the perfume
bot. Can't smell anything. I have to put my nose right up against it
to smell anything. Therefor it is completely useless and I may
as well have left it in the bottle, so far. But never mind, let's go on to... Some cheap Lego! You may recall our friends at Best-Lock Construction
Toys, who make well... Literally a cheaper version of Lego. It is usually pretty damned good. Their figures are a bit zombified, and scary,
as evidenced by this creature here, but you know... They make little models, and all the bricks
fit together, and they're only a pound. So, bloody excellent, really. However, they've now moved into the sort of... Well... I would say girl's market, but it appears
to be a girls market that's been... Sort of thought up by a fifty year old man,
by the looks of this. With their range of "Kimmy" toys. Their entire range, being this, as far as
I can tell. "Works with other brands." I don't think any other brand would want to
work with her. Yes, umm… Well it's probably easiest, actually, if I
show you the complete model. Here it is. First, let's have a look at Kimmy herself. [Hums theme to Jaws] She's going to focus in a minute, and when
she does, you'll wish she hadn't. Here she is. Hello Kimmy! Nice to see you. Bad case of psoriasis you've got on your hand
there, but otherwise, she's very lego figure-y apart from her weird face. And sort of odd eye things going on. But hey! She's only part of a pound set, we don't mind. But what the hell is this play-set? There's a really weird tree that looks more
like some sort of conical lamp. There's two... Well what I presume are supposed to be seats. Although they're so tiny, all she can actually
do is stand in front of them. Part of a fence, and some flowers, all on
the other side. And in the middle, there is a goblet. There's something weird going on here. There's something slightly creepy. It's got the same setup as that scene in The
Princess Bride. Where umm... The bald man gets poisoned. I mean, what... Why is there only one goblet? What... Is she inviting somebody else? Have they got to bring their own goblet? Why are there flowers there? There's something slightly creepy about this. I reckon that she's going to dig up a corpse,
sit it on the other side, and have a tea party with it. Or maybe she'll just invite a friend and it'll
be Two Girls One Cup. Let's move swiftly on. Another part actually, that came with it. Handful of multicoloured bricks. Which was odd, I remember seeing them on the
box. In the corner here. I thought that was obviously not part of the
set. That's just, you know, for illustrative purposes. But no, they've literally given you a handful
of random bricks. Perhaps that's what happened, she's actually
on a building site. And she's having her tea, and... She gets killed by falling bricks, and that's
why nobody's gone to join her. I don't know, I'm making it up! I bet it makes an amusing noise, when I ping
it though. [Ping] Yeah, that wasn't bad. Right, perfume update. Sorry, air freshener. Nope, still smells of nothing, unless you
physically ram it up your nostril. What an embarrassing waste of time. Here's a dinner plate. And there's a reason I've got a dinner plate. 'Cause there's going to be mess, from our
"Dig It Out - Dinosaur Fossil Excavation Kit." I've seen these around, but inexplicably never
bought one, but somebody sent me loads of them. All different things, like sea creatures and
dinosaurs. But if you're going to excavate something,
you may as well excavate a dinosaur. Which are of course, false bones, buried in
the earth by Satan, to confuse the righteous(!) "Dig it out - It is glowing in the dark." [Laughs] It's the worst thing ever, man, there's nothing
worse than glowing in the dark. Dig it out, before it kills us all! Number 1 - Tools and lump. Number 2 - Smash the lump away. Number 3 - You've got a really badly drawn
skeleton of a stegosaurus. 0-3 Sad Onions, we're happy with that. "Graphix" is the company, who I believe do
a lot of sort of art supplies and things for Poundland. Come on then. Let's see what the dinosaur's like, if I can
ever get this thing open. It's going to be a pain in the bum, look,
it's left all the cardboard on the back. Come on! First you have to excavate it from it's packet,
like a real archaeologist. Remember Indiana Jones doing that in all those
films? He may as well have done it for the fourth
one. Come on then. Scratchy scratchy. And... It's out, like a particularly unpleasant,
and rock-hard lump of soap. Right, what have we got? Chisel, and... Slightly differently shaped chisel. Well let's dig it out then, I suppose. Am I the only one that's a bit underwhelmed,
at the moment? [Clunking Sound] It's rock-hard! Oh my goodness, you expect me to- [Laughs] Oh they've got to be joking, man! It'd take like a month to dig it out of this! It's absolutely rock-hard! Is it supposed to teach children patience,
or the futility of life or something? [Grunts] Jab! Oh no, I'm going to break it doing that, aren't
I? Going to be busting all the cheap, plastic
bones inside. Oh my goodness. Fortunately, I had anticipated this. Behold a screwdriver... And a hammer. Right, let's be careful to not damage the
plate. 'Cause these are exactly the right size and
shape to hold a curry from that uhh... Chinese place halfway up Sprowston Road. [Banging noise of hammer hitting top of screwdriver] OK, I've noticed a problem here. [Laughs] It's not actually cracked it at all, it's
just driven the screwdriver into it. And probably smashed up all the bones inside. [Sigh] I'm too lazy for this. [Clunking] Break! [Clunking] It is done. Let us never speak of it again. I was expecting little plastic bones that
you had to glue together. But, it is in fact, a rubbery dinosaur thing. Well, that'll provide some amusement for the
children. Several hours worth of amusement if they don't
have access to heavy power tools. But the question is: Does it glow in the dark? That's a yes. Let's get rid of that, and time to check on
the air freshener. Here's a hint: Can't smell anything from here,
and my head's still quite close to it. [Sniffs] Nope, in fact, all you get is a faint smell
of burning, until you stick your nose close enough to actually uhh... Get it on the perfume almost, that's really
not very impressive, so far. But hey, there's something damned cool and
fun for the final thing. Something I have never seen in poundland,
but it was kindly donated. "Burnin' Rubber Racing Loop." From our friends at Funtastic. Yes, two crappy cheap Formula 1 car toys. But a really cool ramp thing for them to spin
around and do stuff on. There's nothing on the back except 0-3 Sad
Onions. So let us rip this off, and see what occurs. Oh man, actually looking forward to doing
something with this. Right, that'll be the thing that launches
it, presumably. Umm... What goes where? Does that... That look like that fits in- Oh dear. Quality is not something we're getting here,
these are very shabbily put together things. That'll be the "in". That'll be the "out". Umm... move the mighty air freshener. Let's face it, it's not actually doing anything
of use. Umm... I'll put those together last, it's probably
safer. That, I presume would go around, like that. Clicky-clicky. Samey there. Go on, you know you want to. Oh dear. Oh, we may be in trouble here, oh no, it's
alright. Using the strength of twenty men, I've forced
it down. And, if this will just clip on. [Gasps] Look at that! How cool is that? Answer: Not very. Hmm... We're going to have to go to some sort of
wide-angled lens, I think. To uhh... Fit all this in, and the massive excitement
we're doubtlessly going to get from it. Right, time for a jump-cut. Ooh, how exciting! Look at it all set up, and look at the cars! Which are just nasty, cheap, lumps of plastic,
with a sort of spring in the back that lets them fly forward when we press the red button. Ready? Steady! Drag Race! Oh, hang on. [Click] Yay! It actually worked! I don't know quite what to make of that. Let's do it again. Will it work for both cars? I can't believe such a thing. Ready? Steady! Formula 1 Indie-car racing, NASCAR, drag race,
everything, go! [Click] Oh. Well, that's the end of that then. We'll have to go and inform the driver's family. Well, never mind, the white car did actually
work. Which was something pretty amazing for one
of these Poundland toys. But umm... Yeah if you've got one where both cars work,
think of the possibilities! You wouldn't have to throw one of the cars
away. Oh well, there is one more Poundland item. But I think it may be Poundland's finest hour. And as a result, I've actually given it a
video of its own. Here is an annotation link, if you want to
go and see it. You may as well, there's nothing else in this
video, except a blank screen, a small picture of a frog in the bottom right hand corner,
and some really annoying music. [Really Annoying Music] [Subtitles Created by Aran Fielder. Youtube: GoesAroundAndAround] I lied, there is more. It just occurred to me, that actually, by
the way the contacts are set up on the USB device here. They wouldn't actually be connecting to anything. By the way it was up in this adapter, just
the outside mesh. So, I turned the whole thing upside down,
plugged it in, and left it for 15 minutes. And do you know what? Still doesn't bloody smell of anything.
Zis Music - Chicken Boogie