Poundland Special: Bitter Army Toilet Waffle | Ashens

cheapo once again I have perused the aisles of the mighty pound land and picked out the choicest tat and the most bizarre of items to parade in front of you right now and let us begin by asking questions to the bitter lemon looks more angry than bitter but we'll go with it we'll go with it so as you can see quite clearly from the side here this is essentially one of those magic 8-ball things are just branded differently you know it's like a sphere full of goo and it has a shape in it and you shake it in the shape close to the top and gives you one of several predetermined answers to the questions that you ask phrases include bang on haha as if no you naab well this is going to be interesting it's essentially a slightly rude magic able okay then right let's open er up glaring at you as you open it that's what we like to see so is this our new God it's not how it works I'm totally sure well they weren't lying with the picture on the front that's exactly what it looks like okay and give it a shake and ask the question will series two of the mandalorian be good not listening brilliant fantastic that's a pound well-spent wasn't it let's try something else will it snow on Christmas Day this year her as not listening I think it was haha as if they didn't come in and then it changed to not listening again brilliant marvelous right let's try this a third time and we'll see what happens it's got to be a yes/no type question hasn't it will I ever get round to watching that recorded version of Hamilton that everybody's talking about no shits given brilliant fantastic so basically it doesn't even attempt to give you yes/no answers half the time it's just vaguely rude right what other options while they're on here bang on haha as if no you knob I don't care when pigs fly not listening no shits given well that's kind of how I feel about that why is this got too much that relevant is there like another version of different phrases or something intriguing God give us one more random just even find something different isn't on there and now I've got to know it says no you know but you have to hold it very very still there we are yay backwards that's bonk you on which is a very different phrase indeed give us another one good it's handy that's when pigs fly it's not kind of working yep somebody's bittern its me for spending the money right mm-hmm imagine that you have a desk crazy I know but you've got like a desk job or something and you have a little placard in front of you don't you with your job title on well you don't really but it kind of happens in old movies this is something like loss adjuster or whatever well they've had comedy ones in Poundland oh yeah this is a plaque not that sort of grows on your teeth with [ __ ] on it yes say you can leave it in insult people but the reason this is wonderful of course is due to their complete failure to actually understand how censorship works in words so to get rid of the swear word will make it less obvious and it's kind of pointless really as an exhibit note of the words supposed to be remove one of the vowels replace with an asterisk sometimes more than one vowel but unfortunately they seem to have thought that bull is the root part of the word and [ __ ] isn't so I'm guessing something went horribly wrong in the communication on that one anyway let's put that there and we can put something behind it and insult it later so I tell you what I like small plastic soldiers that's not really true it's just a segue just look at this 50 bloody toy soldiers for a pound and not just any toy soldiers but cyber combat alien Defense Force total extreme action I mean they look a bit crap but you know they are basically 2p each so what do you expect well is probably a flag in here as well and maybe a tank that's completely out of scale to the rest of them you often get those in packets of soldiers there's not much to say on it em I don't know how its cyber combat and maybe they're like spacemen or something now there's break the mighty seal and I can't actually manage that the tops come off anyway that was easy right are they really 50 in here shall we count them no no we shot well we've got the flapping the cyber combat flag is that actually the flag of a country or is it not no idea the rock around it is a bit square maybe it's cyber rock as they I don't know fight in cyberspace or whatever ok let's put that there and look at some of the soldiers there's Ryan it I mean he's a little bit inhumanly gangly and they're all very very red like they've already been massacred all have been horribly injured in a ketchup fire or something um yeah he's got his bazooka he's he's got a corset on by the looks of it that's not particularly useful in battle but well you know whatever you're forced to wear by the army and we've got this one's quite magical just realise these our generic soldiers had nothing to do with cyber combat or indeed alien Defense Force either but this is really odd it just looks like he's loping off with an m60 machine gun or something and staring at you as he does it don't say nothing right it speaks going on eBay yeah that's sir that's impressive how many of these repeat do you think quite a lot I would have thought ours was quite good on the front yeah somebody's standing guard although I mean I have seen a thinner worse ones of these in the past but yeah these guys would not have a problem slipping through a thin alleyway or indeed a gap between a few bricks by the looks of it wells have we got oh there's a good one yeah we were talking sort of inhumanly stretched here I mean I think these are the aliens that are just in there we've a human form yeah he's got this massive I don't know what is suppose to be shaped loosely like a shotgun there's about 14 miles long he's got a weird inhuman leg I'd look just go over there and don't hassle me here's one where the source brew stuff hasn't entirely come off that's always nice he's got a stick but a two-by-four attached to his knee there yeah marvelous one of the better ones though that one so much I am celebrating because of Wars Riverdance no actually look the mice holding his harpoon not entirely sure what that is it's like he just stepped in something really big boots they were new what is he supposed to have been shot I can't even get the concept behind that one go on let's pick out another one at random oh yeah oh yeah I think we found the the real beauty here so he's got a tiny submachine gun that he's attached to his face as he fires it I think these things get have quite a lot of recoil and get hot and stuff also what is going on with this arm around there that's hmm see there's so thin so terrifyingly thin this one is not worth the tuppence he's laying the side down here always pop oh bloody hell oh-hoo-hoo facial moulding of the Month Club look at that mm-hmm yep a nice mounted machine gun to fire away maybe it's an e Webb energy cannon I don't know something like that go on give us one more one more beer it's another super long shotgun man it's is it the same as the other one but the moulds commit fun - no no they are noticeably different you know and get some focus there I know you're scared of a camera yeah one why are there shotguns so long that has my takeaway from this you two can buy your kid a lot of toy soldiers where the shotguns are too long I will actually after this video at Camden and tell you exactly how many were in there was it 50 was it not are they counting the flag is one of them we just don't know at this stage I will flash up the answer [Music] and now a word from our sponsor and that word is art art I tell you look here's some now see that's what this funny camera angles so I can fit it in so yes so there is a company called displayed and it is an online art marketplace that enables you to buy pretty pictures and high-quality prints and have them printed on two sheets of metal exactly like that and then you can attach them to your wall using their magnet system and have some pretty art around your house to delight your friends and confound your enemies and if you were to purchase some displays using the link in the description of this very video you will get off 20% if you buy one or two or 25% if you buy three or more I shall explain that again near the end of this bit so it's all very high quality and very nice look I shall show you detail up close there we are we've done that now also as mentioned on the back here they plant trees for every one they sell so that's all very nice as well anyway I'm gonna turn this back now so we can look and discuss the art actually this is not the best way to display it here it is on a wall so this is what I picked for myself this is by the artist Jason results key and is called if only I could I really like this I like the kind of weird supernatural overtone to it mixed with the very mundane scene of the farming if only I could fly like this terrifying demonic entity ah and now we go over to my second choice which is very easy cuz the magnet system you just taken off the wall and stick another one up you don't even get the magnet straight for crying out loud you just maneuver it afterwards right like in this system anyway the second one is by the artist Craig sterling and is an incredibly good portrait of Max von Sydow as the villain from the Flash Gordon movie Ming the Merciless I was actually planning to get one of his Judge Dredd pictures when I saw this one and thought oh wow that is a heck of an image now I didn't keep all the arts joy for myself I asked some other people to have a look through the website and choose one for themselves now my girlfriend went for ocean stars here which is a nice semi-abstract landscape incidentally you can have frames printed on them as well if you so desire like this would affect one here mmm my friend Mickey also went for adjacent results key picture by coincidence red wreck which is a more results Keys known style the mixture of real life with fictional robotic imagery and very striking there my friend Matthew and for this rather nice Star Trek picture of the enterprise they're in double size you'll notice which is obviously also available now my dad likes his aircraft and his favorite one is the f-104 starfighter on the left there so he went for that in fact he liked it so much he then bought the one on the right of the English Electric Canberra which is an aircraft he used to work on in the RAF many years ago and heck I've even open my own shop on there and I'm selling for different ashens designs if you are keen on such things so there's a discount going on for the next few days in fact valid until the end of Monday from when this video goes up if you buy one or two disc plates as 20% off three or more 25% off but you have to use the special link in the description of this video we now return you to your scheduled YouTube nonsense right good news everyone the new garden ornaments are in the this time they chrome plated garden ornaments yes totally garden ornaments definitely definitely a mushroom of some kind absolutely 100% seven kind of mushroom and it doesn't look like anything else what so it sometimes this is just too easy anyway yeah if you want to buy one of these um yeah just just nip off to pound land and look in the gardening aisle and there they are sitting very nicely on the shelf actually I'm gonna display that behind there because that's exactly what we all need in our lives right at this moment so going back to the toys some interesting stuff going on there right popper toy over 100 toys and oh let's go off this one popper toy another over 100 toys these look like those crappy soft drinks you get as a child but they appear to have toys no sometimes I was guessing some sort of Lego I can't even look there yes yes that was an easy guess runs over 100 toys we different Lego a bit sunny anyway this is from Hampshire toys of EMCO or something from JW Dordrecht in stations [ __ ] or stashin sir I don't know how you pronounce that so I'm guessing these are quite clearly gendered yet one blue one one pink one we can open the pink presumably the girls won first because well the top already come off what is it oh it's so this like an ice-cream shop it's bloody good for a pound isn't it a little ice cream shop thing going on what is the quality like well let us fast forward and find out [Music] so let us clear a path we have a little parasol on a table nice nice nice we have ice cream sandwich that's strawberry with chalk on top nice and let's touch that's the table actually then it will not escape we have some milk quite a nice little transfer on there actually we like and a stool and an ice cream sundae as being enjoyed by this lady who we shall refer to what it once what name does she look like to me battle crumb 3000 there we are battle cron 3000 not thousand thousand she had to change her name because it was already taken in Actors Equity it's like David Walliams hmm right okay you can sit down and have your ice cream there you can't complain about that for a pan it's very well put together actually is much better than the sort of knockoff Lego used to be I'm not entirely convinced by the figure it looks slightly odd and also putting one of the hands and was really difficult and I've dropped it but overall yeah yeah that's pretty bloody good over the set right let us check the blue one tops of these really don't stay on right oh it is a machine of death and destruction of some descript right let's fast forward and see what it's like [Music] and there we go that's pretty good as well really a little mobile missile launcher type thing I cannot get the cam to focus on it it's terrified of it there we are there's a noise it could conceivably make it would make that noise if I hadn't put that wheel on backwards oh no it has fallen to pieces fear not it has been repaired by top level mechanics oh yeah that's pretty good the only thing is the instructions are wrong it shows he was having four of the translucent red pieces and as you can see going into the old front there but in fact as shown in the photo he only has them for the back oh and they're actually darker green ones at the front oh yeah yeah so well it's the age-old story isn't it see young girls want to eat ice cream young boys want to fire intercontinental ballistic missiles in pairs that's the way it's always worked apparently now seriously for a quid really fantastic can't argue with that tell you what I can argue with [ __ ] mugs so come if I showed this one before not they do this range called mug off where they just have mugs that are rude see this one says what a bunch of [ __ ] but look they are the form of chicken known as a cockerel bunch of [ __ ] did you see he do you see do you see do you see do you see I see but there was one in there I just covered amongst them that I found particularly interesting a mug that just says 2000 full on it so 20 I believe it is a merging of two of the most severe swear words in the English language and waffle is just kind of a generic well something you can stick on the end of a hilarious insult yeah this is a difficult one isn't it you wouldn't want it yourself and you would wanted to give it to somebody so you kind of just don't want it to exist is it the same size this one yes it is see the big problem I have though especially with PAD lamp why would you want to pay a pound for a mug like that when you could have one of these this is more like it I even says this mug cost one paddle over it hmm what's a slightly different designs the old one I've got also i damaged it by dropping it sorry everybody I'll hold it this way and then it won't matter this mug cost one well not anymore it used to cost one pad now it's not for sale it's mine nobody will take my pound line mug from me also I thought it was smaller than that one but now I've got out of the cardboard it's not so anyway if your name happens to be Tarquin once waffle then well have I got a mug for you it's this one it's much nicer to just stick with that one Yeah right let us finish on a high note just kidding isn't toilet roll jokes on it crap joke loo roll why do birds fly south in winter because it's too far to walk this bearded man or possibly wearing some sort of balaclava is laughing and laughing and so is that sentient pile of shits next to him that's sir that's an image right let's see what quality of loo roll is and what quality of joke it is they've said themselves the jokes are crap so you know fair enough oh it's that yeah I had a suspicion it's that sort of a zero ply paper that barely exists yep your fingers going to go through that guy's oh bloody ell why our robots never afraid because they have nerves of steel [Music] oh you're a great press in that one what's our engine sounds like a parrot and carrot you know that was the wrong button but actually it seems to have kind of yeah put my thoughts into noise better than the other one a shipment of cement was hijacked last week police are looking for two hardened criminals but that would imply that they've in some way fall into the cement which isn't in the feed line why do ghosts love elephants love elevate and love elevators even because they lift their spirits how do you impress a baker when you're taking his daughter on a date bring her flowers what do you call a bail made out of watches a waste of time why can't do animals take tests because they won't let them in the room when there's a test going on like seriously if you ever taken a turn you ever tried to take a zoo animal into a test it's not gonna happen guys it's our way sorry there are too many cheaters why did the toilet paper roll down the hill to get to the bottom his toilet paper now has the concept of tops and bottoms did you hear about the guy who stole his whole left side he's alright now you could have actually spelt that as alright two different words that would have still been fine grammatically and the joke would have way better did you hear about the new movie called constipation no that's because it hasn't come out yet and you give that one a clap because at least it's sort of competent as jokes go well there we are that's I have a slight worry that this is like a feed of Barry's mind just so bad dad jokes constantly streaming through like that oh well there we are if you want something to wipe your bum on that's not going to be very good but we'll have crap jokes on it you can't say fairer than that anyway I'm gonna take my beautiful garden ornament and leave now I'm sure I can find somewhere to put it [Music] [Music] stop driving for it boy

Channel: ashens

Views: 383,856

Rating: 4.928421 out of 5

Keywords: Poundland, Special, Poundland Special, Ashens Poundland, Mugs, Mug off, Army Men, Sign, Plaque, joke paper, toilet paper, loo roll, magic 8 ball, mushroom, garden decoration, ashens, review, funny, Displate

Id: JAj-skmEnbQ

Length: 22min 37sec (1357 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 10 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/mallardtheduck]

I want to believe that the crimson soldiers with the Russian flag are the result of miscommunication around the term "Red Army".

[u/lostgate]

Isn't Tarquin Wuntwaffle one of Jacob Rees Mogg's kids?

[u/LastHoboStanding]

Wonder why there was a Russian flag with the soldiers? Kinda a weird country to sell toy soldiers from.

[u/uh-oh-no-no]

Party Girls on PS2, Stuart.....