Ashens Easter Special 2018

hello it's that time of the year again for the east of special well I say that time the year it kind of falls in a different week every year doesn't it Easter see it's confusing it is a moving target of a holiday but don't worry the shops were absolutely chock-full of easter tat allow me to demonstrate with from either pound land or pound world I can't remember some decorative Easter grass to use as a bit of set dressing here on the sofa basically it looks like a really cheap Donald Trump wig doesn't it and if you do want to order your own the stock code is G - 2 6 0 1 1 well a say - could be an M - yeah there's 30 grams of it apparently it's beginning to escape the package go on then let's see how these three just makes things look probably should break up a bit this could be an alien from an 80s film goodness right this is awful oh bloody hell it's gone everywhere it's this really is like hair clippings us great welcome to easter everyone he is a load of very very bleached hair has gone everywhere great well after a positive start how about a lovely Easter chick to make us feel better well I haven't got one why have guys this weird blobby piece of God knows walk so light up chick together with a picture of a rabbit because as we've noticed over the years apparently rabbits and chicks are entirely interchangeable when it comes to found shops virtually nothing you have what naught 2/3 of a fairly traditional sad onion so it's got hard plastic feet well known actually quite hard rubber feet a very soft rubber body and weird spines like it's some sort of amoeba with eyes and a little beak don't try this at home with an actual chick it is a problem so I'm guessing it's an alien a shape-shifting alien there's possibly just starting off in its shape-shifting journey and isn't very good at it yet and there's a hard ball inside which is gonna be the bit that lights up ready bloody hell it's like an alarm going off isn't it alert and that the chick is being handled Albert yeah that's that why what isn't it supposed to be a cute thing not a sort of slightly grotesque feeling rubbery massive lit up God knows what I don't know Joe this reminds me of you've read the short story and I have no mouth and I must scream and at the end one of the characters is turned into like this weird jelly blob thing with lights on the inside so it can't hurt himself look that's what this thing is just with rubber feet stuck on bloody hell it's not good when your Easter stuff is remind you of dystopian science fiction stories it stopped flashing it's not going to how about some more jolly chicks then some little soft ones like these little fellas here that didn't even come in a box they're facing the wrong way let's turn them round yay these little more like they've got the Crown's on but apparently these are these are shakes this one is really alarmed by something see that was the sound it makes oh these are a bit bargain-basement these really say you've got you know feet so large it looks like they're wearing skis um yeah extremely startled face and yeah it's really pushing the boundaries of what you could call a chick isn't it really I mean it's just a blob with some stuff stuck on it at least it's soft not bloody alien and glowing I suppose we're gonna call this once creamy this one is escaped yeah there we are this one will be called Bill Plympton this one will be called wonk face Machamer covered in hairs wherever they come oh this one looks excited and plead so we will call him drew this one oh this one's got a bit of a problem going on I don't really understand what's happened to this one he's got kind of a she's trying to make a fist with one hand we shall call this one I will break you and finally every Bonnie's favorite skipper the terrifying chick from Planet zhulong I see no problems with this apart from the fact I don't think any of these are focused particularly well possibly because they're so soft and evil never mind get a bit hungry now time for some lovely food oh wait not lovely food how about a vanilla marshmallow and fruity gummy candy that somebody sent me years ago courtesy of gallery which is where it should be in some sort of art gallery for tat this chicks had better data nutrition facts it's full of crap so literally years no idea how dateless is now Oh best by October the 4th 2015 I'm sure it's still perfectly edible nothing sugar is it right so I'm going to attack it from the top I think yep that's that cut off and put away I mean drop right this is that kind of weird getting stuff that's sort of thicker than anything you think you should be eating you know and the infection is something that's a byproduct of an industrial process and on the top it's all blooming weird inside as well just look at his face its own eye is melting Chernobyl the chick there put a bib on it not because it spills its food but because its own rise run down its face I'm gonna try bit the blue stuff oh yeah just a lot of sugar found something vaguely marshmallow flavored and look at this where hasn't it feel that the mold properly inedible about these weird gummy stuff I'm gonna reach anyway or at least I'm gonna try some of these thin at the side here I refuse to refer to them as wings ah oh oh I don't know if that's just not tasting fresh but a fruity is not the word I would use to describe it words I would use to describe it include rubbery horrible toxic and [ __ ] oh dear yeah you live on there mate Oh let's have something much nicer like for instance happy Easter six Easter mallow bunnies I like the way they're all fairly on model and Charlie looking apart from this one who's like evilly grinning and winking I know what you've been up to please don't eat my face was the best before date on these Oh 2014 perfect brilliant 4th of December 2014 thanks guys made in China a sweet heaven brilliant it's got modified potato starch in it though so hey it can't all be bad I'm sort of vampiric on the unveiling beware of the rabid rabbit runs on the end ok it's marshmallowy by marshmallow me I mean it's just a load of sugar in different forms isn't it it was a hard bit in the year I'm gonna bite off an entire ear to see what the hard bits like Oh too much in the mouth oh oh oh these are awful these aren't even like vanilla flavouring there's total taste of anything they really don't I don't know oh they do taste slightly off but like they probably taste like that news frankly I'm just nurse to one on the end they look sad look if he's good from the ankle oh now he's happy no he's sad now he's over there oh oh that's ranted right save me Easter rabbit chocolate thing that's quite clearly just based on a bloody chocolate Santa but modified to be an Easter Bunny I don't see if it looks like inside I'm always interested in these if you're very lucky it's just a repainted Santa something very generic no it's actually nice a design on the inside shitty cartoon rabbit quite cute I'm slightly more realistic rabbit though the eyes are troubling me somewhat this feels very typical Poundland chocolatey no I mean a bit sort of greasy not that unpleasant as we often say the sort of chocolate you'd get hanging from your grounds Christmas tree in the late 80s right sir crush it open and oh yeah that is absolutely the usual Poundland chocolate it doesn't look like it's been hot and then sort of got cold again afterwards so that's just one of those things oh thank you for removing the taste of whatever the hell those white things tasted off mr. rabbit thank you for sacrificing your life so nobly anyway is next flat egg splat throw it colors and contents may vary from illustration yes fine is a clear thing to throw the egg or a window how about no smooth enamel painted wall or door refrigerator elaborated cupboard mirror or other smooth shiny vertical surface do not place on paper door flat painted walls keep the egg clean remove dust or dirt on egg but this just sounds like a chore well I've told you this egg splats for Christmas and I spend the rest of your life looking after it like a pet use adhesive tape er by washing with water and drying in air drying in air hmm do not leave in direct sunlight caution do not throw against ceilings may stain certain porous surfaces like human flesh made by dog and corp in Goodlettsville Tennessee good for them well let's see what an egg splat is then the answer is the unpleasant I see so it's got like a so when it splats it's horrible it's all sticky I'm getting chocolate from a hands all over it let's make it look filthy this is a really unpleasant Easter special look at this because it's bloody hair everywhere chocolate brown stuff and then we got an egg splat yeah let's throw it against something Ready Steady this is sticky it feels horrible it's it's a toy for the kids isn't it egg splat you know for kids um ya know it looks like a pustule or something cause I've given it a hernia I've given the egg splat yeah what have I done with my life well that wasn't strictly speaking Easter but it was shite right let's move on to an egg and spoon race kit if you don't know one egg and spoon races it's where you hold an egg in a spoon in front of you and you have to race to see who gets to the end first but if you drop the egg oh ho you got to pick it up again before you can continue happy Easter with a two and a half meter approximately finishing line driven right okay I've got a couple of suggestions Oh God look at that the absolutely terrified onion the bloody hell chronically depressed onion that face colonics right so first suggestion is why couldn't you draw four different bloody chicks look one two three four you've reused one that's disappointing second point is no [ __ ] egg guys I mean if it's an egg and spoon race at least give us a plastic egg in order to balance on the goddamn spoon you've given us a tape for the end we haven't give us a bloody egg isn't an aching spoon race kit it's a partial egg and spoon race kit there's a spoon race kit Oh Deary me anyway what are these like actually fairly solid um you know these are pretty good these would certainly hold your egg aloft for all the other races to see and there we are you can breasts the finishing tape which just says I won the race on it many many or a part from that favorite says I won he race which is he man special race great well it's only what you could do actually you could take this get it on there and it sticks and you could totally cheat you know actually this is probably harder than actual leg stick very well to that it just sticks to unpleasant things and the spoon isn't unpleasant enough I suppose well let's round off this Easter special with that most traditional of Easter things Easter crackers there's there's no such thing as Easter crackers guys they're just Christmas crackers so the various pawn shops now have this idea that every holiday has to have bloody crackers for this Valentine's crackers Easter crackers as unless it's Swithin's day crackers morning not suitable for children to 36 months choking hazard whoa now interested peligro d asphyxia porter come thinner but there's beginners that is Spanish for look out these are shite that's a small parcel right let's try a couple of Easter Krang do get in an Easter cracker you open up its Jesus of Nazareth annoying it ready steady really good snap in that for a small cracker very good here's your Easter hat somewhere to show everybody that it's Easter great and just can't be right I met some drops let's try another one yes well that was good is something obviously did maybe out I was gonna say you can't just have a hat oh god this jokes what lies in a pram and wobbles a chilly and is this a sticker a sticker of a shite rabbit holding a shite egg being shite in Shanksville yeah it totally is well I can spend the rest of my life peeling this off now that's good I didn't have any other plans to though right there we are check out my new tat I'm gonna get a sleeve of them and purple thing chips to get go on then let's have another joke bad isn't Oh No why did the tomato blush it saw the salad dressing thank you sound machine right it go on one ball whoa bloody hell that was like that actually made my right ear ring that's amazing you probably destroy the houses of parliament with enough of these things bloody yeah right let's have a look how do you hire a horse stand it on four bricks [Applause] that was my sarcasm machine oh well at least we got a look at anymore of though no happy Easter six Easter crackers these are from Tesco that big supermarket what does sell the stuff and are considerably larger as you have probably noticed also these are based on a single character design you have your lamb you got your rabbit you got your chick and these are just kind of generic Happy Easter with a lot of color on them we do appreciate that go on what do you get in a Tesco Easter cracker they actually had a picture on the back of what you've got five minutes before we're looking about and spoiling it to myself right oh these designs see it looks like a rabbit and now you twist it you call its ears and neck and pull its head apart see it's a decent snap but these things are amazing so that's not as good inside is again your that's just straight average normal Christmas cracker surely it's the little flippy frog thing ready I can't do it you need the world's smallest finger flip damn you flip damn yo you have failed us and you get a Easter hat and how does the Easter bunnies stay fit exercise and hair robux it's a very sarcastic machines are they right go on it I want to see what you all of them now oh my god it is the Noah's hurtling device or the crappy little moustache yep clip this to the bit between your nostrils and then you'll be an agonizing pain for a short period of time and then probably bleed to death hooray for Christmas cracker this just literally Christmas practiced a few could at least made some concession testing these were three pounds these are three times as much as anything else in this video crappy spinning top if you want then let's give it a joke we've ordered last time what happened to the Easter chick when he misbehaved at school he was expelled right Johanna next one oh yeah that's a pretty good snap again nothing's as good as those small ones sort of like thermonuclear and here is oh it's a lovely ring brilliant this is like a ring from Dark Souls that clover leaf ring there we are I can feel my stamina regeneration as we speak what do you call sleepy Easter eggs exhausted oh yes now we're talking lip what's on dessert Ebola vulture or fortune telling fish whoa that's like the mother lode in Christmas crackers right we'll come back to that in a second first we have to read the joke apparently although I've lost the joke thank God would be spared that one and finally the lamb Wow that's snaps go on let's have the joke before we look at weird badminton set oh what a tragedy for the world why did the Easter egg hide he was a little chicken to play the world's smallest game of badminton with this tiny shuttlecock and racket that is astonishing there's something I love about this because it's so futile oak dropped one of them that's fine there's only one of me yeah it's difficult cause it's so small as the actress said to the bishop and that children is how you play badminton absolutely astonishing right let's have a go at the fortune predict some fish which I've lost already no no I need the fortune fixing fish jump cut to been around it got it right place fish on palm a palm tree and his movements will indicate a moving head his jealousy removing tails independents oblivion Taylor's in love curling sides fickle turns over faults motionless dead one killed up entirely passionate in fact say what this thing is of course it is a very thin sliver of plastic which just reacts different depending on how warm your hands are but hey let's not ruin this magic with our scientific ways right ready so place it on the palm and do you need to do doo doo doo doo oh it's curled right over did you do it's still curling and flopping about a bit all yep still going up right I reckon this is curls up entirely passionate there we are passionate about tat which is why we're gonna open one last Easter cracker from the very exploding ones Ready Steady oh yeah that's that's pretty lad and yellow hat oh no a thrown away the final joke the joke to end on mmm-hmm why did the cow wear a bell because her horn did not work that wasn't a good sound effect that fits perfectly oh well there we go what an incredible mountain of crap I've created on this sofa here but before we go lets us always remember once this is all fun we need to bear in mind the true meaning of Easter dungeon master for the Super Famicom [Music]

Channel: ashens

Views: 359,792

Rating: 4.9321728 out of 5

Keywords: easter, tat, poundland, special, easter special, ashens, review, funny, egg, egg splat, spoon, crackers, easter crackers, chick, flashing, jokes, 2018, unboxing, eggs, taste test, chocolate, marshmallow, gummy

Id: khkAG6jVxbc

Length: 21min 25sec (1285 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 26 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/PsychoDuck]

I kept hoping THE GOOSE would grace us with its lamplight melody, but alas, it was not meant to be.

[u/TheTaterMeister]

The cracker joke about tired Easter eggs was so terrible the sound machine killed itself. Great job there, Easter cracker joke writers, that's innocent blood on your hands.

[u/brandonsh]

  EGG  SPLAT
   THROW IT

[u/MagnusAvis]

I think that alien shapeshifter chick had a generally cute shape. If it was made out of nicer-to-the-touch material and didn't light up like a police siren, It would've made a good toy.

[u/Treemarshal]

In case it was wondered: "Dolgencorp" is the corporate name for Dollar General, which is us bloody Colonials' version of...well actually it's not our version of Poundland/Poundworld anymore, it's long since moved a little bit upmarket to basically be a junior Wal-Mart (if still less expensive than WallyWorld, which says a a lot, really). I still remember the shock I had when our local Dollar General put in the frozen food section...

(The actual US version of PW/PL would be Dollar Tree, these days.)

[u/Redthrist]

It's incredible just how much waste these useless things produce.

[u/agenturensohn]

Sure the easter grass isn't just a rebranded Donald Trump halloween wig?

[u/TiggArthur]

I HAVE NO BEAK AND I MUST CHEEP