Our friend's sister is trying to to ruin our marriage

[Music] one of my 24 female husband-back quotes 27 male friend i'm calling him carlos 27 male as a little sister let's call her carla 21 female that is trying really hard to break us we all went to the same high school and we both know carla through carlos but we never interacted with her more than a few words but collis has been a good friend for us for more than a decade we set our wedding for early summer with a guest list of 35 because we wanted a small family and close friends only wedding carlos confirmed his boyfriend as his plus one but two days before the wedding he called us because collar was begging to go too but he didn't want to disinvite his bf we agreed but told him carla can back won't tea bring anyone else well she brought a dude that we never saw before and the both got so drunk that we had get someone to get them home we went to our honeymoon trip and carla started sending dms to my husband he responded to her two times before leaving her on read because the fifth text was already around we blocked her but we agreed not to tell carlos to save her from the embarrassment after we came back my husband went weekend trip with his dad and some cousins and i did the same with my best friends that included my sister-in-law the day after we both came back home myself posted pictures of our trip and carla saw them and took her chance carla created a new insta account with carlos's name and i accepted the request but she almost immediately started to send ems telling me that my husband was with her at the beach that i should take my time and don't come home too soon she sent me a photo of my hb where she was fought a sock to be in the problem was i took that photo last year he has a new tattoo and he was lying right next to me in that moment this time we told carlos and sent him all the dms he apologized and told us he would talk with her and promised that he would never let carla get close to us again a couple of weeks after i came home from work and found her topless in the pool our backyard is easy to access but we never had someone breaking in i told her to go home or i would call the police my neighbor told me she has been there for two hours and that he saw her a couple of times but she said she had permission to be there i sent carlos the security cam recording and told him next time i will start legal action he begged us not to do it but then things turned upside down carlos started telling us that is our fault she is being problematic because we have a lot of good things but we never wanted to be friends with carla if we were just a little bit nicer to her she would be a really good friend to us too we were really mad about this because she was an adult that enjoyed telling lies broke into our house and now his brother is telling us it's our fault we started talking to some common friends about the issue and they told us that carlos has been saying that my husband was cheating with carla with no evidence he was just telling the stories that his sister was telling him we ignored it and cut the contact with both for the next months they have been spreading rumors and when our mutuals confronted them about it the stories don't match anymore the last straw was that recently carla created fake whatsapp chats and sent them to a couple of friends in one of the screenshots i was telling her that i know about my so and her and calling her names in the others were sexting with my so it was easy for our friends to see it was fake because the profile pictures didn't match ours and you could see the last connection time and we have those hidden and when they asked to see a screenshot of the contact info showing the telephone numbers she stopped talking to them i'm not sure about what to do now our country is a little bit more strict so if we sue for harassment we can't go back on it and it could take us two years because she has not been physically violent if we are lucky and she doesn't cry to the judge we would just get a restriction order and i doubt she would get any jail time i'm more inclined to talk with carlos and look for an amicable solution but myso is more inclined for the legal process backstory we started dating when i was 18 but met younger he is a very sociable person charming and very ambitious he acted aloof but was very understanding caring and kind he also loves any extreme sport skydiving bungee paragliding skiing scuba diving you name it he will do it or has done it he was perfect in any way and if anyone asked me about any of his flaws before this i would have been stuck trying to answer i still mostly cannot he seemed perfect in every possible way and i believe her that we were soulmates his personality was perfectly sweeted to mine and he could tell what i wanted when i wanted without even saying anything issue i have been spending more time alone recently due to my husband's work drastically increasing for a short period of time t his has led me to be lonely and neglected his temper has also become even worse after he was kicked out of his martial arts team my bill visited my husband this week and last night as i was making my way to check on the twins i overheard them speaking and drinking this was late into the night the gist of the conversation was both of them joking about him being a psychopath a narcissist and how well he is covering it up boasting about his control and my husband even called me his pet i went to bed immediately after and spent the whole night thinking over it the more i thought about it the more frightened i became i have no friends we have mutual friends but our closest friends are only people my husband knew first i rarely speak to my best friend and even missed her wedding as my husband booked a surprise vacation that month and i'm not in contact with any of my old friends i live in a different country from my parents and brother my relationship with my brother became horrible after i turned 20 and we have not spoken for a long time we occasionally visit my parents during holidays i feel like i have zero personality i do not remember ever saying no to anything somehow it always feels like we both agree with his suggestions i owe nothing everything is under his mane it did not start out like that but slowly and steadily he managed to change it all and convinced me it was better this way i with his suggestion for anything and even act more like him he has a lot of friends and a lot of female friends he introduced me to many of them and i was afraid to be replaced so constantly tried to vie for his attention he loves making me jealous angry sad excited and all kinds of emotions saying that my reactions are cute he loves control he becomes involved with all of his friends lives their relationships anything he planned how many children we have their names and in what order that is fine but when we found out we were having twins he was angry that it was not as expected but it is not like we can't afford them his brother same age as me worships the ground he walks on shares everything with him trusts him unconditionally and has apparently even shared his girlfriends with him i have no career how come i became pregnant and then had an a between all of that my mental health was already bad enough and we decided it was better if i dropped out how is this his fault well he was always very careful with s brought his own condoms convinced me to take the plan b and rarely did it on unsafe days well one month before that my pills went missing he told me that he did not care and it was fine we had enough protection already we then proceeded to have us multiple times a day and did not stop until i took the pregnancy test for someone so scared of pregnancies he was also strangely calm and even amused he was calm collected and had everything available beforehand he even paid for it however he is always like that i have never seen him phased scared worried anxious guilty or regretful he has absolute belief in himself and never doubts any of his decisions he says he regrets nothing and is never at fault never the truth is always somehow twisted and someone else is to blame and when it seems he is at fault he always seems like a victim pets is another thing i'm doubting he is indifferent towards animals yet we have had at least four dogs and four cats in total what happened they die poison car runaway point always something happens to them i was never worried about it before and i never really noticed but now it's alarming it feels like my whole life is a doubt like i never had a choice in anything my free will was ducked so hard i'm lost he seemed so perfect my soul made perfect personality everything i found attractive half of me loves him so much and claims that i'm crazy i'm imagining stuff it could be true i hope it's true the other half of me is doubting everything in hindsight some of the manipulations are obvious but how many do i not know what else have i been mislead about there are so many instances where it could be a coincidence but it might not i'm doubting every decision i made it feels like i was a puppet until now i'm afraid for myself but i'm mainly afraid for my children should i be afraid i have no wish to confront him as i'm without a doubt certain he will be able to convince me i'm in the wrong what can i do what should i do i want to pretend everything is normal while searching for more information how can i achieve that without letting him notice also he has not done anything illegal at least to my knowledge never hit me in a non-consensual way and never was directly verbally abusive i don't know what i even want maybe i should just stay with him regardless of if it is the truth i need help a little backstory my fiancee who i'll call jane have been friends since we were in sophomore year of high school together during this time she met a junior george who she started seeing and we all put our friend groups together eventually we all graduated and jane and george got married soon after i always had a crush on jane during our time together but george was a great man who i still admire and i knew they would be genuinely happy tragically george passed about two years into their marriage and jane was heartbroken just having gone through the deaths of her parents a year back during this time she got very close to george's parents and eventually moved in with them two years pass and jane and i start getting closer until our relationship develops into one of true and deep love we've been together for four years we are now gearing up to be married in a few months when a few days back jane asks me what i thought if george's parents walked her down the aisle she said that since he passed and she moved in with them they became like her second set of parents and she wanted to honour them i was kind of taken aback and didn't know what to say and i still don't i get her point of view and i love her with all of my heart but having another man's parents there would be kind of weird my question is would it be weird should i open up a part of my wedding for his memory and his parents his parents are really great people who have treated me like family since hs but i'm still on the fence i guess i'm asking this just so i don't continue to have a knot in my stomach whenever i think about it she is the love of my life so this wouldn't be a deal breaker and i'm not thinking about calling off the wedding at all please don't suggest that thank you i just want to be able to look her in the eyes and say i don't mind without feeling weird about it we all spoke together last night after dinner and it went great i told them i would love for them to join us together since they were there during the hardest part of her life and they mean so much to her a lot of these comments opened my eyes to her situation and i just wasn't thinking clearly we all shed a few tears of happiness and are getting ready to really start planning the wedding after they left i spoke to her about george and just checked up on her to see how she was doing emotionally she said that she's sad but mostly about her parents not being there to help her through this she is grateful that her adopted parents as she calls them are with her i sometimes do get insecure and into my own head but i'm working through that daily and weekly with the therapist i also make sure to do an emotions checkup with jane to see how we are both doing i did want to mention this was never about me letting her do it jane is a head strong woman who doesn't need for me to let her do anything it was mostly about me feeling weird about it and wanted to shake that feeling of ocean what's happening talking and communicating is so so so important that i needed to feel comfortable before anything i get up of now and i get how important this is to her and now that feeling of weirdness has gone away and we can continue to the stressful part wedding planning haha thank you all for your kind words i'm an emotional dude so my eyes got misty reading some of these comments thanks again i will promise this by saying that my wife and her sister have had many issues over the years mostly stemming from her sister mimicking the things my wife does or doing them before my wife gets a chance once she hears about them i have personally witnessed this numerous times over the five years that my wife and i have been together most of the time it has not bothered me but when it is clearly something that my soul doesn't even enjoy it has left me a bit mind boggled my wife deals with it most of the time but i can tell it makes things less special for her the wedding related problems all began over a year ago when my wife and i were preparing for our wedding when we got engaged my wife's sister demanded to be made the maid of honor despite the fact that my wife and her don't have a very close relationship and my wife wanted her best friend to be her maid of honor thistle got blown completely out of proportion and ultimately ended with my mother-in-law telling my wife that if she didn't let her sister be the maid of honor that they would not help us pay for the wedding and would consider not going oh and she also told my wife that she would be a [ __ ] if she didn't let her sister be the maid of honor my wife eventually gave into this and let her sister do some planning for wedding events to make her feel better the first of which dress shopping my wife showed my sister some of the dresses she liked online and her sister was going to arrange appointments at a few different bridal shops well turns out that her sister made all of the appointments at bridal shops near her house we live slash work 30 plus minimum away from her house my wife was frustrated because buying a dress from one of these shops meant she would have to leave work early two to three times over the next few months to do fittings and alterations but she let it go when they showed up at the bridal shop the attendant who was helping my wife try on dresses showed her all of the dresses that they had pre-selected based on the photos that her sister had sent them well turns out her sister had sent them a bunch of different photos because she thought they would look better so they didn't have any of the dresses in the style that my wife liked ready not a huge deal but my wife was a bit annoyed a few months later my wife and i went to go pick out our wedding bands after looking at a few different styles my wife ultimately chose a pretty unique vintage wedding band that was beautiful my wife has always had unique taste and finds join things that are outside of the norm she loved the ring and sent a picture of it to all her family members well a few weeks later her sister gets engaged to her boyfriend of three years within the week she has picked out her wedding band and it is the exact same band from the same store as my wife's at this point my wife is more upset but her sister says she didn't think of my wife's ring while picking it out so she lets it go after a few more incidents over the next few months my wife and i ultimately decide that there may be less drama if we don't have a wedding party at our wedding her sister can still technically be made of honor but we won't have groomsmen or bridesmaids stand with us at the altar when we are married my wife and i are married on june 13th without a hitch yay and have been enjoying the married life ever since my wife and i loved to travel and i had planned on taking her on a nice vacation next year to celebrate our one-year anniversary now we have come to find out that my wife's sister will be getting married on you guessed it june 13th next year at this point my wife is beyond annoyed and feels like her sister is just going out of her way to mess with her unfortunately it seems like the vacation may be off the table but luckily it isn't booked yet so no worries there my wife is very frustrated that her sister didn't even ask her before setting the same date to add some additional fuel to this fire my wife and her sister went shopping for her sister's wedding dress this weekend now despite the fact that her sister had told her that the dresses she picked for our wedding didn't look good when my wife tried them on last year her sister ended up picking the same dress that my wife wore for our wedding at this point my wife finds it comical that this just continues to happen for the most part this has had a minimal impact on my wife over the years but i can tell that the wedding part is really weighing on her i'm at the point where i feel as though it would be best for my wife to avoid telling her sister things to avoid these problems how should i approach this with my wife to help her feel better how should my wife approach this [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit marriage, reddit wedding, reddit relationship, reddit, r/askreddit, r/ girl, r/ marriage, r/ wedding, r/ relationship, r/, askreddit girl, askreddit wedding, askreddit marriage, askreddit relationship, reddit sister, r/ sister, askreddit sister

Id: pfZrHfSgofE

Length: 18min 51sec (1131 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 20 2020