Entitled mother wants us to take her kids on vacation

[Music] you're going on vacation take my kids with you my boyfriend's cousin his paternal uncle's daughter has four children each of her kids is the personification of the word bratty the said cousin refuses to discipline them and constantly makes excuses for their behavior she's also very judgmental of our decision to not have children she has often made some snide comments towards me implying that I'm the selfish see who is depriving my boyfriend of the joys of raising children for these reasons and for her generally entitled behavior my boyfriend had cut ties with her however when he and I visited his parental home three days ago for his parents anniversary celebration we ran into her again my boyfriend's dad had urged him to use this occasion to mend bridges with the cousin so we both tried to make nice and engaged in small talk with her during our conversation boyfriend mentioned that we were leaving for Melbourne for vacation in a few days at this cousin's eyes lit up oh that sounds like so much fun she said my husband and I haven't gone anywhere since our honeymoon she whined some more about how hard it is for them with four kids if only they could afford such luxuries e.t.c e.t.c etc I could tell where this was going my boyfriend probably felt sorry for her and being the kind and generous soul that ears offered to buy them a weekend in a resort in Mount Abu a hill station in the Indian state of Rajasthan cousin face scrunched up that's nice but why can't you just take us to Melbourne with you boyfriend getting a bit annoyed but still patient well we want to spend some time alone together plus we will be meeting some close friends there besides Mount Abu is a beautiful place your kids will love it cousin in the annoying current oh I still don't see why you can't take us to Australia you're being so selfish going on this great trip and sticking your family with a cheap weekend getaway boyfriends is more cousins name he's making a very generous offer either take it or leave it wearing the expression that morons wear when they think they've had a bright idea oh I know why don't my husband and I go to Mount Abu and you can take our kids to Melbourne me what cousin it's a great idea the kids can have fun in Melbourne with u2 and my hubby and I can enjoy a peaceful weekend this way the kids can actually spend some time with their uncle you never make time for them boyfriend I'm offering for the last time it's either the weekend in Mount Abu or nothing at all and why the hell would we ruin our vacation taking care of your kids cousin how can you say that my kids are so well-behaved you'll have so much fun spending time with them besides my husband and I could really use some quite time together you and your girlfriend don't have any responsibilities you have no idea how hard it is to raise four kids you can afford this trip I don't see why you won't share with family bf one more word and you're loosing my Mount Abu offer on hearing this the cousin STFU we all had dinner together and she was mercifully quite if only her kids had followed her example you'd think this would be the end of it but no we had seriously underestimated her dedication to her keren Asst this morning cousin showed up at my apartment with the kids in tow I was shocked to see her of course and asked if something was wrong she smiled and said I'm just here to drop the kids off you're leaving tonight right after taking a second to recover from the shock I asked did you fall and hit your head on something we told you we weren't taking your kids with us what part of that did you not understand she then tried to convince me that my boyfriend had called her later on and had agreed to take her kids I knew this was a lie and called it Asajj cousin became enraged and asks if I was going to break her kid's heart why would I break our promise and how boyfriend and I could be so cold I called my boyfriend and after telling him what was going on I turned on the speaker my boyfriend proceeded to chew her out brutally telling her she he would no longer pay for their weekend getaway and that this is exactly the kind of Avia that had made him cut ties with her she tried to get a word in but he wouldn't let her cousin took her kids and stormed off boyfriend and I are having a laugh over this and are still wondering what made her think that this plan would ever work a little backstory here when I was nine my mom got pregnant and had a miscarriage after that she put her entire focus on me and became way more overprotective which pretty much ruined a lot of stuff for me once I moved out when I turned 18 she decided to try having another baby so a year before my gf got pregnant my mom was trying to have a baby herself our IVF she was successful in getting pregnant but had a miscarriage not long after and that completely destroyed her my mom was really depressed for months and refused to get out of bed so I had to take care of her for a while little by little she got better and was almost herself again so when she learned we were having a baby well you can imagine how she got she started coming to our place every single day unannounced to make meals she considered healthy and tried to start limiting what my girlfriend couldn't couldn't eat sometimes she made a good point and my girlfriend would follow her suggestions because what did we know right but whenever she didn't listen my mum would get all pouty about it we were both pretty used to how my mom can be she's basically a helicopter mom and my girlfriend's known her since we were kids we were really grateful for all her help honestly but pretty soon she was crossing boundaries that we were not okay with it all like buying the crimp she wanted when she already we had our own list of baby furniture we wanted and having it assembled in the baby's room without us knowing while we were out then she started insisting on taking us to all our doctor's appointments and would get extremely upset every time we went without her we wouldn't let her in with us though which she always made a big deal over and kept her in the waiting room what really started to creep us out was when my mom kept pushing us to use one of the names she won't given my unborn sibling as our baby's middle name out of respect obviously we said no that upset her even more and she never stopped insisting on it then she started demanding we find out the baby's gender even after we said we don't want to know until they're born because she needs to figure out how she'll decorate the baby's room completely disregarding the fact that she doesn't have a say in how the room will be decorated and she pretty much lost it when we told her we wanted the baby to have my girlfriend's last name instead of mine she started saying some nonsense that it will be like the baby isn't a part of our family she never let that one go either and would find a way to bring it up in every conversation this and the fact that she comes to the house whenever and stays all day hovering around my girlfriend it's gotten out of hand and we both decided we wanted to limit contact with her before and even after the baby is born I've never seen my mom go overboard like this and after reading some comments from the other post I made it's clear my mom's not over her miscarriages and because of her behavior in the past into the habit of crossing boundaries without caring my girlfriend and I temporarily moved into a small cottage my uncle owns it's a short drive from where we live and still pretty close to the hospital my mom has no idea where it is and this was just to give my girlfriend some space away from her while we figure out how to talk to her and also while we wait to change the locks on the doors at our place we've been here five days and my mom hasn't stopped calling or texting us both I reached out and said we are okay but refuse to tell her where we are I want to have a proper sit-down with her and really talk to her about her behavior we've talked in the past and she'd always apologize for her overprotectiveness but never changed anything I'm hoping this time she'll take it seriously because it's gonna affect how much of a relationship she's gonna have with her grandchild having some time to think to myself her behavior and her past losses make me worried she's not well and might try to do something I don't know what but I'm just worried I want to have a long talk with her about this and make her aware that I don't want this behavior in my child's life but I also don't want to seem like I'm trying to cut her out of our fair I want her and my kid to have a grandmother / grandchild relationship not for them to be the baby she always wanted I guess that's why I'm here for advice I want to know how I can talk to her to get her to see how serious this is and that it's going to affect how often she'll be allowed to see us and also be mindful of what she's been through I know life hasn't been easy on her I've been away for a while and I thought I should leave an update about the post I made here a month ago first of all I want to thank everyone for all the help and advice all your suggestions made it easier to decide how we want to navigate things with my mom and what rules need to be put in place it's also just been a huge relief to know we aren't actually terrible people putting a grieving woman through a hard time so here's how it all went down I finally had a sit-down with my mom just a week after I made the last post my girlfriend and I decided we wanted to contact everyone first in case my mom reached out to them and tried to spin this into something else we called the hospital and our doctor they are aware of the situation and are taking necessary steps to make sure it will be a safe delivery security is pretty strict anyways due to the virus they are not letting anyone in for visits and I'll be the only one in the delivery room we also called friends my family my girlfriend's family to let them know what's going on some of them already had an idea of what's been happening so it wasn't much of a shock we didn't do this to embarrass my mom or anything we wanted to make sure nobody would give her any information about us or the baby if she called them asking for it my girlfriend's mom was friends with her before and knows how my mommy's so she was totally understanding and promised she wouldn't say anything no matter how much my mom tried to make herself seem like the victim I also talked to our landlord and told her my mom isn't allowed in our place so - please let me know if she happens to see her around there I had a locks changed that week - so I wasn't worried about her getting inside and also a couple cameras once all that was done I thought it was a good time now to reach out to my mom for our talk we had her come to my uncle's place and he agreed be there for support not his cottage obviously he only goes there for vacation but at his condo instead I was luckily able to convince my girlfriend not to be there for the baby's sake because it was going to cause her a lot of stress and I didn't know how my mom was gonna react she decided to stay put and I promised there'll be time in the future for her to say what she needs to say to my mom my mom was still upset over us being Mar so starting the convo with calmness didn't happen how I hoped it would I sat her down and started off by saying how grateful we've been for her support and we appreciate her wanting to help but that she's crossed so many lines and I feel like it's time to put a stop to this we got into more detail about what she's done and why it wasn't right such as buying the crib she wanted showing up at our place whenever and she tried to justify some of her actions which my uncle and I shut down I told her I've had enough of her behavior and that it wasn't healthy at all my mom thought I was joking when I said unless her behavior improved she will not have contact with any of us but once she realized I was serious she was angry and upset and tried to reason with me we told her the only way she'd ever be able to have contact with my child or us --is if she went to therapy to deal with her trauma she didn't like that at all because she believes she already grieved her miscarriages and her wanting to support our family had nothing to do with that but I said it had everything to do with it we brought up that she didn't talk to a professional when she was depressed in bed for months after her second miscarriage in the fact that she wanted us to name the baby after the one she lost along with many other stuff I made sure she knew that what she experienced and the pain she's feeling is not her fault that she needs to deal with it properly because I'm worried about the safety of my family we talked about the conditions my girlfriend and I set and the rules we expect her to follow if in the future we start allowing her to visit some of which you guys mentioned like not calling our baby her baby or not being allowed to take the baby out not allowed to watch the baby alone not allowed to stop by at all unless we invite her no staying overnight et Cie at some point during our long talk my mom started to cry and begged me to give her another chance and this time she'll really change it really hurt me to watch her be like this but I knew I couldn't let it get to me and luckily my uncle was there to support me I told her firmly that these other conditions we're setting and whether or not she'll have a relationship with her grandchild is up to her and if she still continued to invade our privacy or do something even more extreme I'll get police and whoever else involved if I need to at the mention of police she knew I was dead serious also that she shouldn't expect to see the baby for months or even way longer than that until I see that she's been sticking to a therapist actually improving her behavior and properly dealing with her issues and until then she's not allowed to talk to or go near us my uncle will be the one checking in on her to see if she's actually getting help before I reach out I know this was a lot to throw at her so I told her that I still love her no matter what she will always be my mom to me and that I hope she takes this seriously enough to get help because I do want my baby to have a grandma and only a grandma on both our families sites but only if she changes she didn't say if she would actually try to meet our conditions only that she'll think about it and told us she had to leave she got up and left quickly from the look in her eyes I could see she was holding back tears so she most likely wanted to leave so she could cry again in private I was so exhausted by the end of it and my uncle told me I was doing the right thing we waited awhile after we saw her car leave and then he gave me a ride back up to his cottage there hasn't been any contact since and she hasn't called any family my uncle stopped by her house a few times and she's told him she doesn't feel like talking to anyone right now the first couple weeks after this were a very hard time for me I think it all just hit me what they've been dealing with and I was sorta in a period of mourning I think that's what you call it I guess I was really sad that my mom won't be there for me starting this next chapter in my life with my new family and the way I wish she could be my girlfriend has really been the best partner ever through all this and I'm very lucky to have her by my side and lair I'll be putting a ring on her finger the first chance I get we both been helping each of the deal with it all and things have started to get good we already moved some of the baby's stuff that we all need into my uncles cottage so we are good to go when little one shows up things have gotten better and now my girlfriend and I are just enjoying our last alone time together before her due date in a couple weeks thanks again to everyone who was so nice and helpful don't think I'll be having much time after this to post anything else I hear these human babies tend to take up a lot of your free time sarcasm if I do ever have the time in the future maybe I'll do another update if anything else important comes up if not thank you so much again and stay safe everyone my wife Megan and I are both 30 and we've been happily married for almost a year now I know it sounds cliché but I genuinely feel like I'm married to my best friend we have a great relationship Megan's parents are pretty cool my parents are another story my parents and I are first-generation immigrants that I was an infant when we arrived so I have no memory of my birth country my relationship with my dad in particular has been deteriorating for the past five years or so we have completely opposite political views among other issues Megan and I have tried to set boundaries on what we will all won't talk about with him but he ignores those boundaries as a result I don't enjoy talking to him at all anymore Megan was more patient with him than I was but even she finally muted my dad on whatsapp and they don't really talk at all these days she does still send my mom pictures and updates about how we are doing my mom pressures me to talk to my dad even though she knows that those conversations don't end well yesterday was my dad's birthday so I gave him a call he wanted to talk about some current events even though I wanted to avoid that topic and things got heated we hung up and I thought that was the end of it Megan wasn't even in the same room during the call and the entire conversation was in my parents native language which she doesn't speak a little bit later I got a long text from my dad way he said that he thinks Megan is controlling what I say and think and he blamed her for the dumpster fire that is our father-son relationship essentially he thinks she's brainwashing me he's implied stuff like this in the past but this was the first time he explicitly spelled it aloud so I told my dad to stop talking sh about my wife I also told Megan about what my dad said she was pretty upset if anything she has tried to improve my relationship with my dad and I think this was a pretty big blow to her in response she wrote my dad a message that in my opinion was far more civil than he deserved saying that she knew what he'd said about her and that she was heartbroken that he thought of her that way she also told him that she will no longer be in contact with him she asked me to read it before she sent it which is why I know what she wrote now both of my parents are blowing up my phone saying I'm Anna for telling Megan what my dad said about her but I think he should have kept his opinion to himself in the first place and it's unfair of him to expect me to keep something like this from my wife Megan for the record is not upset at me for telling her what my dad said she seemed sad about the situation but she says part of her is glad that she now knows what he actually thinks of her in her words this whole thing ducking sucks so Emma VA edit I've been talking with my parents today and it turns out that my mom was the one who wrote the whole we think your wife is brainwashing you text that she sent it via my dad's phone I honestly don't know what to do with all of this edit - Wow was not expecting all of these responses when I woke up this morning thank you for all of the kind comments I showed a bunch of them to my wife and they helped cheer her up the past 48 hours have been pretty exhausting I won't share everything that's happened but there have been a few developments my dad or my mom I don't even know anymore sent my wife an apology but it turns out that apology was I wanted to apologize for behavior of my son he also told my wife that he thinks I'm an idiot which did not go over well with her so at this point here's how we plan on handling all of this my wife has muted both of my parents on her phone she's been on the phone with her parents and a lot of her friends over the past day and they are being really supportive of both of us I'm taking a long break from talking to my mom and dad and yes I'm looking into therapy to help me work through all of this no contact is definitely on the table but for now I'm just going low contact thankfully my parents live several states away and my wife's parents live within two hours of my parents so when we do eventually get to travel again my wife will simply go straight to her parents house instead of spending any time with mine and I'll limit my time with my parents to just one day and then go join my wife thanks again everyone [Music]

Channel: Ask Girl

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit sister, reddit entitled parents, reddit mil, reddit mother in law, reddit kids, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit girl, askreddit sister, askreddit entitled parents, askreddit mil, askreddit mother in law, askreddit kids, askreddit, r/ girl, r/ sister, r/ entitled parents, r/ mil, r/ mother in law, r/ kids, r/

Id: AoiDq3OBgpI

Length: 21min 37sec (1297 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 20 2020