My fiancé ex girlfriend moved in across the street and is stealing our mail

so I'm not sure if this is cause for concern or I'm paranoid so maybe all of you can figure this out for me back story my fiancee James and I have been together for three years planning a wedding for October 2016 a few months before we met James brought a brand new home in a newer subdivision we recently refinanced it and added my name before me James dated a woman Britt for about seven months she's never been to this current house from what he's told me they broke up when he decided they weren't as compatible the break-up was rough to the point where he and neighbors called the police when she wouldn't leave his front yard and were screaming at 10 p.m. at night this is all from what he and his sister have told me I don't have a reason to not believe them I've only had a few run-ins with Britt these have been at restaurants or just coincidences out in public we never spoke up until now the problem Britt has bought a house in the same subdivision that we live in we even share a cul-de-sac the only reason we found out about this is from a fire we got welcoming her to the neighborhood our subdivision is very community oriented James insists he's never told her where he lives and hasn't spoken to her since the night he called the police we both brushed it off as a coincidence but lately it's becoming very weird here's why I work for a company that allows me to work from home three out of the five days a home is a ranch in my office window faces the street I'm not sure what Britt does for a living but she does not work during the day from about noon until 3:00 he spends her time walking up and down our street when she passes our house she doesn't take her eyes off of it it's almost like she can see me in the office she'll even star in front of our house and stretch there for about five minutes every day anyone is at home it makes me uncomfortable to the point where I have all of our blinds closed during the day I understand the need for exercise that she walks for three hours just going up and down our street another issue is when either James or I are outside with the dog she'll let her dog outside and it will come sprinting to our yard this causes her to come and get a dog every time she says I'm sorry we're still working on training James and I are always polite normally I would be okay with this but James has pointed out that any other time she lets a dog out and we are not outside she'll immediately correct him before he runs off she never corrects him when we are outside we've been getting dingdong ditched a lot since she's moved in something that's never happened in the four years that James owned the house the door bell will ring around dinnertime between 6:00 and 8:00 and by the time anyone gets to the door no one will be there it's gotten to the point where our Doberman has picked up the routine and waits by the front door pacing the last issue which I believe might be illegal is that our mail seems to go missing for a while and then pop back up what I mean is bread will knock on our door and say that she received our mail and is just returning it this has never happened with the previous owners in her house we don't have a new mail carrier either it seems to happen once a week and she'll always bring it on a Friday night based on the date on the envelopes we can tell she's been holding it all week this has pushed James over the edge because she had our water bill which resulted in us being two days late on the payments James is neurotic when it comes to paying bills every time I have to convince him not to go over and yell at her because we haven't actually caught her taking it out of our mailbox as much as I try to monitor it she usually gets two days worth of mail because those other days I'm not working from home the other days I get it right away I'm not sure what to do at this point I don't want to pee her off by confronting her but how can I get her to stop she's making us nervous and I feel uncomfortable in my own yard most of the time because I know she is watching any advice I know this sounds strange but I'm not sure if I can legally do anything about it I don't have anything against her it's just becoming an annoyance my fiancee let's call him Daniel and I have been together for years he has been friends with Jessica since middle school so for about 12 years when we first started dating Jessica and I got along pretty well sure she was a bit invasive and stuck to Daniel like some Siamese twin but I didn't mind too much I was the new one in the dynamic and figured things would change as a couple grew deeper and stronger Daniel and I did become really close and serious over time but Jessica still held her place in his life he always asked for her opinion first seek comfort in her included her in our travel plans called her his soul mate as they feel they are the same person in two bodies he always talks to her with an affectionate tone he never used with me he is affectionate tells me he loves me complements me give me gifts like a regular lover but still I felt like Jessica was the girlfriend and I the extra one I really just felt like second best if Jessica calls at night he answers if Jessica desires this item he'll buy it for her there was an incident at one point where I needed him and asked for his help when my car was having some problems but Jessica somehow needed him to the same day because she had a fight with her then-boyfriend about a year ago they are now broken up and he went to comfort her and cancelled on me I felt like I was in constant competition but I still rationalized all that she had been his friend for a long time I'm still the new one I shouldn't be jealous of his friend etc I did bring it up to him but it just turned into fights between us and there would be a lot of tensions the following days he hates feeling like I'm trying to control his life and friends he just shut down whenever I brought it out and said she was just his best friend and made me to be the crazy controlling girlfriend Daniel would then try to reassure me with more verbal and physical attention bring me on romantic expensive dates but after it would all stay the same as before at the same time he would complain to her about me and little by little she became cold with me when the three of us would hang out I would have him physically for example he would hold my hand but his full attention would be on her I would have to repeat myself to be acknowledged obviously I started resenting him and our romantic life went downhill as my s drive is highly dependent on my emotions towards the other person and it just created more problems between us now I'm saying all this but Daniel and I were still are really happy and deeply in love at least from my side couple it's now that I'm looking back on all that that I'm feeling I was a big fool the whole time well about three weeks ago he just led slip that they used to be duck buddies we were talking about piercings and he mentioned how jessica has one in her genitalia and that it was sensitive when I joked about getting one there I'm pretty sure my face at the moment could have been made into a meme I assumed at first they had just talked about it but the face he made after telling me that I was just sure he had empirical evidence and knew he had duck job I asked him point-blank if they had ever slept together and he said yes but said it was before we started dating I asked him if they had asked when we were still getting to know each other and he didn't answer straight just went into semantics I kept pushing and asked how many times did they ever date and all sorts of questions of course he tried to de-escalate the conversation that I told him I was being really serious and that he had to answer since she is a source of tension in our relationship and I was at my wit's end turns out they sleep together when they are both single but it's just casual it's means nothing it's just s for relief so basically she is like an ex that is constantly with him I didn't want to start a fight as we were in a mall and I just told him I was leaving and needed time to think he tried to stop me but I still left he followed me about two hours after apologised for not telling me kept saying it was in the past and up until today this argument is still ongoing and so here I am it's been three weeks I haven't made a decision but I just feel really hurt and like he cheated on me for some reason it feels like he was basically dating two people we keep trying to talk about it but he stays on his position that it was just s and over now I just feel kind of Numb I told him it made me highly uncomfortable and he just insists she is just friend and I have nothing to worry about I told him I couldn't deal with this and he said he would contact her less but his reluctant to cut her out of his life I'm at a point where I just want to issue an ultimatum he is trying to distract me with our engagement talks but I'm not betting am I in the wrong how to deal with this situation I can't stop thinking about the whole thing so I'm single I didn't even bother with the ultimatum after making the post and seeing the answers I realised just how blind I had been I just used all the anger that got out to finally be brave enough to leave when he got home from work i sat him down and told him I was breaking up with him I gave him back the ring I had already started packing my things since I knew he would make everything difficult ister who would keep the apartment he just stared at me when I was speaking and when I was finished he got angry because in his words I was trying to control him by threatening to leave I made sure he knew it was not a threat and that I was leaving regardless of what he would do or say I tried to cut the conversation there but he just kept arguing with me he accused me of letting my jealousy destroy our relationship told me I was behaving like a child I told him he should be glad he won't have to deal with the child again he just kept following me around when I was getting my things to leave for the night he went from accusing me to begging me to stay he even said he would cut Jessica apologized but I don't trust him anymore I won't fall for his damage-control again and so I'm living with my friend now I'll contact him for the apartment later and I guess that's all today I got a message from my ex-boyfriends new girlfriend I will just copy and paste it here hello this might be a bit strange that I was wondering if you would be willing to talk to me I'm dating your ex and things of pretty haywire someone told me you might be able to help me make a decision I have to make so I feel bad message in you like this but will you be willing to talk to me sometime if not I totally understand and I won't bother you or anything I was just hoping you would understand how complicated things can get with him and I thought if anyone understands him best it would be you thank you for eating this and I hope you know I'm not contacting you for any negative purpose just hoping you might understand the spot I'm in trying to make sense of it all if you don't wish to talk to me I will totally understand and please just let me mean oh and I won't contact you again thanks again for listening we spent four years on and off together from age 18 to 22 then broke up for about eight months and got back together for a month or so when I was 23 before he left me again for another girl and I woke up from my Idiot days and finally got over it it's been three years and I'm totally moved on in a new relationship and never think of him anymore he was not a good boyfriend I could give dozens of examples of awful things he'd done if necessary the gist of it is cheating multiple times with multiple people both men and women despite him stating he was confidently hetero as well as high school girls emotional and neglect birth control sabotage just being an awful selfish person in general on one hand I've completely moved on from this time in my life and I don't want to be involved in any drama on the other hand I spent five years of my life wrapped up in his nonsense and I feel bad for anyone who gets caught in his web this girl seems sweet and is maybe going through the same things I did I've never met this girl and I have no mutual friends with my ex anymore so I didn't know anything about her or their relationship I don't know if the decision she has to make is just regarding continuing their relationship as a whole or something more specific or serious should I tell her sorry that I can't help or reply and see what she wants to discuss or ignore it entirely or what nobody specifically asked for an update but I know readers of this sub like to see them and my post got a lot more comments and upvotes than I expected so here I am I'm sorry I didn't reply to any of the comments on the original post it blew up a bit and you guys seemed to cover all the bases I read all the comments two or three times thanks reddit the only question I remember seeing is how did she get my contact information the answer is that while I have my ex blocked on Facebook due to repeated attempts to contact me a couple of years ago I'm still easily searchable by others and have an uncommon name also a couple people thought that she was only twenty years old but what I meant in the title was that I assumed she was in her twenties but wasn't sure of her age she was not that young I did write the girl back and essentially said that I was sorry she was going through such a hard time my relationship with my ex was a really hard time in my life that she must be in a rough spot to reach out to me of all people and that I'd be happy to talk with her anyway she was comfortable if she needed she wrote me back and asked to meet in person my so like some of you was a little paranoid that it was some kind of setup or that my ex would show up so I made sure it was in a public place and he was nearby in case I needed help nothing dramatic like that happened sorry without going into too much detail of her personal life the short story is from what she has said he hasn't changed a bit some of the manipulation tactics he used he must have found from a script somewhere or something it was word-for-word he had been gas lighting her big time and that is essentially why she reached out to me to see if she was really crazy and a bad girlfriend or if he was like this to me too I tried to keep it to the facts told some stories that I felt like she needed to hear to compare our situations I had no intentions of telling her what I thought she should do just to give her the information I had and let her make her decision but that kind of went to the wayside when she told me that things had started to get slightly physical I told her in no uncertain terms that she needed to get out as soon as possible and that it would probably get worse I told her that if one of my girlfriends came to me with something like this we wouldn't be sitting there anymore that I'd be packing her things for her she admitted that he had isolated her from a lot of her friends and that none of them knew how bad it really was she seemed resolved to get out of the situation I know it's easy to say these things in the heat of the moment but she must have known that the prognosis of their relationship wasn't good considering it had already reached a point where she was sitting across from his ex from three years ago I told her how relieved I was when we finally broke up for good that aside from some initial anxiety about running to him I felt really free and that the relationships I've pursued since then have been night and day and made me embarrassed that I put up with him for so long she asked me what she could expect when she leaves him which I thought was very smart of her to ask and I told her what he had been like for me and advised her to use her support system to get out safely and to go no contact immediately I told her some of the things he used to say to me to get me to think he was going to change and not to believe a word of it my sir was extremely sweet while he initially raised an eyebrow at the situation and said he wondered why I'd get involved he supported me once I said that if there was a chance I could help someone who might really be in a bad situation I should do it I hope she can get out of this situation and never look back [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 85,513

Rating: 4.8817205 out of 5

Keywords: reddit girl, reddit, r/askreddit, reddit ex, reddit crazy ex, askreddit, askreddit girl, askreddit relationship, askreddit ex, askreddit crazy ex, r/, r/ girl, r/ creazy ex, r/ relationship, r/relationshipadvice, crazy ex

Id: CgHc0tojp2M

Length: 18min 50sec (1130 seconds)

Published: Mon May 04 2020