Luca explained by an idiot

welcome to luca and we got two italiano dudes fishing at night which i think is an abnormal time to fish but what do i know and one of them goes mamma mia look at that santa maria his pants do not improve at all then we cut to luca himself see person merman [ __ ] kid all right he heard his family's fish like sheep and he goes around looking for them because they escaped which of course they did because just look at how they're storing them what the [ __ ] also i don't know how this is useful because i'm pretty sure they're vegans so they don't eat them and they got no wool to make it to clothes so do you skin them or is there some sort of slime they secrete that you can profit off of i this is too early in the video for me to get this off track holy [ __ ] okay moving on [ __ ] checks at the coast is clear for his fish to feast he blows bubbles because he's bored and he sees human stuff then he sees a human boat and he's like oh no land monsters hide oh i see this is one of those both sides think that the other side is a monster movie and they're going to end up getting along and living happily ever after than the movie no cap just keep watching anyways his mom calls him back for lunch she's over protective and crap scared he's all boat and stuff his dad's a retar and his grandma's a bearish so he asks her where boats come from and she's like oh from the land monster town on the surface you know i suck to do dick that once then she sends him back off to work with no talk of going to the surface [ __ ] she just sat down didn't eat anything and you give him what one plankton dumpling at least pack him a [ __ ] lunch you dumbass aquatic [ __ ] mom whatever he goes back to work and sees more human stuff and i do see stuff on him in an antique diving suit and he decides that the only place to go and run away is a cave that he trapped himself in because it's not like he's in the [ __ ] ocean or anything and he can swim in literally any other direction and get away a super fast speed what a [ __ ] brain dead fish home dog anyway guys who turns out to be a fish [ __ ] too collects some human stuff and goes up to the surface and turns into a human then pulls out luca who turns into tom holland and freaks the hell out so alberto ascari goes first time of course it's my first time i'm a massive [ __ ] then he does a barrel roll back into the water goes home and that night he can't sleep because of his racist thoughts i mean sorry racing thoughts he's not racist at least i don't think he's racist are there any black sea monsters out there shoot him off point again [ __ ] okay next day he sets up a decoy of himself to watch over his fishies while he goes up to the surface to meet alberto again who teaches him how to walk properly and he's like mamma mia it's a human thing i'm kind of an expert what does it mean the thing then he shows him where he lives with his dad and [ __ ] he has tower except his dad is never around which just means that his dad went out for a pack of sea cucumbers i don't [ __ ] know and never came back then he teaches him about air sun gravity but he doesn't die from any of the fatal stunts he keeps pulling nobody does actually which makes me ask why they're afraid of getting harpooned to death by humans when they're clearly invincible doesn't matter he shows him more [ __ ] and he takes a special liking to this poster of vespa so they decide to build one and they spend hours doing so then luca goes home for sundown by the way a vespa is a unstable piece of [ __ ] just saying back home mom fish questions where he was banana covers for him and next day they run the [ __ ] down the hill to fly off it but suck dick instead and we proceed with a short montage of building more faggios friendship evil knievel almost dying parents finding out luca double duking them human stuff more friendship actually i think they're gay yep definitely then alberto teaches you how to deal with anxiety the trick is apparently to tell bruno morse to shut the [ __ ] up then they have one last near-death experience as a duo this time and another one of their two wheeled abominations and later on alberto gives them a really shitty astronomy lesson and they talk about going to the human town and luca dreams about being sk brothers and operates el machina without having any frame of reference other than a picture on how it works but whatever because he overslept that he runs swims back home but gets caught sneaking in by his parents and they find out about him doing human stuff so they're like son you're [ __ ] and they want to send him off with his uncle ugly to live in the marijuana trench for a bit and learn some discipline or whatever so it's like a boot camp or julie or something whatever so he's like [ __ ] you guys i hope you get caught by humans who over sexualize fish i know they exist then he swims away and they don't go after him because i can't find a good enough reason honestly they're just stupid ass overgrown caviars actually do they come from eggs or are they born like are they mammals or are they also one reptiles that's not it i'm so bad at this then what moving on luka goes to alberto tells him what happens so he's like let's run away together to human town and find signor vespa and tell him to build us one of these babies so luca agrees pretty stoked for the idea and they swim over to the human town sneak in using jack's para tactics and alberto's blind [ __ ] super misplaced confidence carries them through the town with grace which lands them on some gelato when luca notices that basically the entire town wants to kill sea monsters then [ __ ] mario arrives on his very own failure when he's like i'm [ __ ] mario five-time winner of the porto rosa cup how do you think i paid for my vespa then he tries to bully them when a small weathered alfa romeo saved them and she got beef with mario because she'd been trying to win the porno rosso cuck for years which is a competition for children by the way but he keeps taking part in it because he's a [ __ ] face then she gives him a lift like so what brings you italian homos to puerto rosso uh excuse me we're actually home essentials okay there's some bromance going on right and she tells them about the porto rosso cup which is a traditional italian triathlon where you swim bike and eat pasta naturally then they grasp the concept of money and that if they win the cup they can use the price of money to buy not a good vessel but a shitty one and they salivate over that idea so they ask her to join her team which prompts her to check some stuff like if luca can ride a bike which she can so she teaches him in under a minute to do so which i think is kind of impossible but i'm just going to ignore it because i can't be bothered she finds out that quote unquote cannot swim because if they do they'll be fish and they'll be found out and she also finds out that they're run away so she's like sounds good to me you're rid you bike you eat and i swim andiamo [ __ ] next step is to go to her papitu to ask him for some money for the entry fee and he like a one-armed italian mr incredible fisherman that's on the hunt for sea monster so luca freaks out and almost exposes them both but only the cat sees them and knowing speaks cats or they're in the clear then they dine like neanderthals and italian hulk tells his daughter i do not have the money for the entry fee i cannot sell what i don't have there are no fish excuse me senora next up julie gives them a place to stay in her tree house and next morning they wake up after it's been raining for a bit as fish people and they try really hard to be sneaky and not get a water rating and i'm finally gonna ask it how fast does this change happen cause on their way to human town they kept jumping around like dolphins going switchy witchy between human and fish super fast but now after stop raining for a bit and they ran around for a bit as well they don't change as fast am i supposed to believe that they were swimming and flying fast enough for the wind to make them bone dry in a split second especially with clothes that are soaked in water listen i'm not saying it's not impossible it is but i would like i just want to know what the fact is going into making the change faster are man unimportant though the next day started and alfred mayo goes to do her deliveries while the mountain and kids go fishing while they try it really hard not to get wet and he's like funko not a great catch today while you kind of fish in the shitty spot compadre over there is where all the meters and they come back with a huge hall meanwhile luca's parents are there looking for him see they watched the shore that morning did the change and are checking all the kids they find by eating them into the water and seeing if they change or not either by force or through the mom's expert football skills that every single italian is born with whether they be fish or human except for lucca maybe by the way may i just point out how shitty of a planet is because they know that humans want to kill sea monsters and they are in the most i want to kill sea monsters town so what happens if you do stumble on your kid and he does turn i'm gonna kill him what the [ __ ] are you stupid sounds like a play [ __ ] plan to me you [ __ ] dumbass sticky sardine people also what if they get splashed and why aren't his hands turning here what the [ __ ] stupid [ __ ] doesn't matter it doesn't matter doesn't matter the kids go to sign up for the race she shows them the map see they swim a bit they eat a bit and then they go up and down with a bike easy peasy lemon fabrizie then [ __ ] mario shows up again and once again continues being abandoned so luca calls him a saddle whiskered bottom feeder bottom feed him i'ma keep that use later then julia applauds him for a sick burn and alby kind of gets a bit jelly and they sign up for the thingy then they train with some eating and some biking again he should have been broken here not only him but his bike too actually whatever who the [ __ ] airs then while julia doing some swim training [ __ ] mario is out there looking for pee monsters because there's some prize money out for catching one of them too and he splashes alberto and almost gets caught which once again brings up into question how fast they [ __ ] do the change i'm pretty sure the towel did the trick here but still i'm [ __ ] they go home and luka catches his fan bam chucking kids into the fountain he tells this to alberto but alberto just like don't worry about it then he goes to help the italian hunk while luca bonds with the female and she takes him across the rooftops and does something unspeakable with him she teaches him about science she shows them what a telescope is and he hallucinates some [ __ ] that he saw in some stuff she calls books at home and he like dang i never knew women were allowed to read all right casual sexism aside how the [ __ ] can he read did she teach him that too do fish people have super fast learning skills or something what the [ __ ] is this [ __ ] whatever she tells him she learned the [ __ ] in school back in geneva where she lives with her mother and she only comes here for the summer to live with the dad then alberto comes along and calls for luca because he be jealous f they go and see their shitty best but then luca tells him that he wants to go to school with a small female and alberto is appalled like how dare you seek an education we were supposed to be [ __ ] together god damn it then super mario shows up to threaten them both but lucas defends and they run away and we proceed with another short montage of food trading bike training wet kids because of dumb parents fishing and more stupid alberta guilty then one day while bike training after luca's parents spot him he evades them then rides up the hill using the power of his monster thighs and once i reach the top alberto's jealousy hits critical mass and he's like stop bossing my friend around home i know what it needs they go down the hill at ludicrous speed crash fly into the sea and lads and ladies race yourselves because i just found the substance stronger than diamond this bike because it still isn't broken for [ __ ] sake they swim to a nearby shore and have an argument because alberto being an ignorant [ __ ] jealous [ __ ] and luca wants to go to school then they have a big fight and the girl comes along glad they're alive and luca asks her if they can go to school with her which triggers alby so he's like this cool here sounds like a pretty nice place tell me does it accept sea monsters then he jumps into the water and reveals that he is the sea monster then salt onto the wound that is losing his friend luca pretends to be surprised that he is a fish person and gets chased away by the toothpick and the gundrop twins then at home in rosso julia finds out that luka giotto is also a pea person and tells him that he needs to leave because it ain't safe for him here so he goes back to alberto city lighthouse climbs up it with ease because he's [ __ ] tom dutchlin fish person that just learned how to walk scales a vertical wall makes sense right whatever there's rocks pokemon i'ma let it pass who cares he finds a place trashed because of angry alberto and finds behind the poster a bunch of prison tallies and he finds alberto and asks him what they are he tells him that his dad left him and never came back what a surprise you have seen that coming so kid said and to fix stuff luca decides to win the race and buy the shitty ass [ __ ] vespa death trap two-wheel crap machine then jumps off the lighthouse and dies just kidding he can't die he's tom hiddle rock remember all right next day arrives the kid finds a rusty steel somehow operational bike from the ocean i guess and splits up their team is that possible without paying another entry fee doesn't matter all the kids set up for the start which is a swimming bit and he sets up with the old diving suit so he doesn't change into a fish when he's on the water but it leaks halfway through and [ __ ] mario [ __ ] with him a bit when he gets out and not a single person from this audience sees this by the way [ __ ] blind italian shitlords anyway he and julie get to the eating part and he takes off right after her and mario who got two of his fat henchmen to do the first two parts for him super fast rain clouds start looming over reporter rose hope and using his massive lance armstrong thighs he cruises by his parents julia and mario crazy power got speed son it's kind of [ __ ] to be honest but what the [ __ ] do i know about the anatomy of fish people in this movie godspeed then when luca gets to the very tippy top of the hill it starts raining and out of nowhere alberto comes with a [ __ ] umbrella to help luka barefoot might i add so his feet should have been turned to fish here but they aren't which is horse [ __ ] actually it's fish [ __ ] [ __ ] this daycam mario catches up and does more dickheadiness which reveals alberto's fishiness and he gets caught so luca goes pedal to the middle and turns full fish guy 2 to save his homie so mario follows them with a harpoon and julia races after to help them the four of them moving at super speed the amount of traction they have here should have no business being here on such a wet surface but [ __ ] me [ __ ] physics [ __ ] you [ __ ] everything let's just [ __ ] keep going julia sacrifices herself to save them from mario finally with one of the [ __ ] bikes break and they stop to help they're falling for oh my ass those are the spokes how is this wheel spinning straight at all it should be gayer than james charles what the [ __ ] they stopped to help her and buff dad sees this and has a change of heart about killing sea monsters because of course he doesn't stops mario from impaling them then the whole town changes his minds about sea monsters cause big burly italian manchester united and in some more good news they technically win the cup you get the standard family union they get the rust bucket vespa with the prize money then alberto sells it to pay for luca to go to school must be a pretty shitty school if you can pay for that piece of crap anyway luca only going to school because money i guess and alberto stays behind to help one-handed hunk guy but let's show everything bueno ever after fine this movie gets olive garden's infinite breadsticks out of one bath and bodyworks [Music] you

Channel: High Boi

Views: 5,480,842

Keywords: luca, luca explained, high boi, movie recap, funny, haha

Id: 0MEgleB6xEE

Length: 11min 36sec (696 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 18 2021