Godzilla vs Kong explained by an idiot

welcome to king kong versus godzilla except remove the king and switch these two around and we start with kong on sky island living his life showering under a [ __ ] waterfall turning trees into toothpicks when he sees a tiny deaf girl with a toy of him and he eats the toothpick at the sun like a [ __ ] uh like a [ __ ] javelin mate you see that the sun is just a scream and that he's actually in a containment center then we see dr andrews who's deaf kids mom and kind of the caretaker of king kong and they got a problem because khan is getting too chunky and big which means that godzilla might come from because this town ain't big enough for two big dick titans then we got some quick cuts of all the fights king kong and godzilla had and now they're going to 1v1 each other on west look i'm just going to say it right now you know what i know what half the internet knows that king kong and godzilla ain't going to end up teaming up and fighting a common enemy no doubt about it then we cut to this black ass dude making a conspiracy podcast about apex legend is the company he works for and we see a promo video of apex and we see its founder and holy [ __ ] we get that movie he's the bad guy stop shoving the dick of movie exposition that far down our asses jesus anyway conspiracy bernie annoys this guy away if you snoop around on his computer then alarms start blaring because he's black jk alarms start playing because godzilla is attacking so very obvious bad guy and [ __ ] crypto leaving the helicopter while bernie continues snooping around in very top-secret places of the facility when godzilla [ __ ] up a wall next to him and allows him to see something he was not supposed to see and he doesn't take pictures of it because he's a [ __ ] [ __ ] mongoose [ __ ] now on the news everybody thinks that godzilla gone crazy and wants to kill all humanity instead of protecting it from other meanie titans you kidding me he only killed eight people horseshit cut to this goth [ __ ] that listens to his podcast and she's the daughter of this [ __ ] idiot that's supposed to protect against godzilla attacks and provide relief or whatnot and she's like daddy gotta listen to bernie he says that attacks were not unprovoked could you stop listening to that black [ __ ] you're so racist that oh my god no i'm not i'm just stating facts he's black and he is a [ __ ] these two things are unrelated you're the one that's making a connection between them so technically you're the racist when you're dumb [ __ ] now go [ __ ] off and do something stupid and dangerous so i can be worried about you for the rest of the movie next up crypto and super obvious bad guy go to professor junkrat and discuss some [ __ ] that i'm gonna cut short here see junkrat study some [ __ ] doesn't matter he's done [ __ ] and he has this hollow earth theory that basically says that our earth has a smaller baby earth inside of it with its own ecosystem of giant fuck-off titans like king kong and godzilla and that's where they most likely came from and bad guy says that his theory is actually real he has proof that it is real and he wants to go down there to get this energy source that will help him defeat godzilla and kill him once and for all but junkrat's like can't go down there because gravity inverts and you die don't worry about that dog we got you covered we got these [ __ ] vehicles we made with some movie science that will survive the inversion of gravity and we won't [ __ ] die so tarzan's like this type and he decides to try and use king kong to lead them to the energy source because kong has genetic memory or whatever meaning that he knows the place because he's from there and he all can also survive the gravity version because same reason so he goes over to doctor and who's like hey can i use a monkey she's like no godzilla come from and he would like no he won't you're lying okay fine it is a possibility but consider this we could be finding kong a new home she's like okay so they drug the [ __ ] out of kong to transport him via boat to the hollow earth entrance point at on in our in antarctica why can't i say that [ __ ] properly they're taking him to the hollow earth entrance point in an arc which confuses me because he just said you always believe that skull island was like hollow earth come to the surface then why not go through skull island jackass is the entrance there closed or did i misunderstand whatever vague statement he just made whatever [ __ ] you moving on bad guy's daughter flies over with the anti-gravity spacious and she got nice tits but she's a [ __ ] cause she's like i'm just here to babysit our technology because it's cutting edge the anti-gravity engines alone produce enough energy to light up vegas for a week feel free to be impressed shut the [ __ ] up you [ __ ] drop that dress in all black sunglasses mean as [ __ ] pretend badass attitude and get with the system we're trying to save monkey give him new home jizz head then later on death kid goes to calm down kong who's throwing a tempered trench attempt i am so bad at words who's throwing a temper tantrum and andrews finds out that khan can communicate using sign language and that he wants to go home by the way he doesn't consider skull around home okay apparently andrew's been trying to teach him sign language but she didn't think he was responding to anything she was teaching him but he was responding just not to her he was responding to the kid in secret how they never found this out with him being in a containment facility with cameras all over the goddamn place and people studying him 24 7 i do not know they're [ __ ] convert morons anyway def kid was one of the natives of the island but a big dick storm came and kong saved her and only her then andrews came and vowed to protect her too and i guess a doctor so jungkook gets the idea to have the death kid give directions to kong and andrew goes like [ __ ] you ass so we're not doing that she's a kid but he like none of what i just said happened there was no french involved but i'm guessing from the slight nod that she's down with ideas then all of a sudden godzilla comes for them and [ __ ] up a few battleships here and there with ease but somehow this measly cargo ship can take a beating instead of exploding and it gets flipped over then they release kong so he can fend for himself he rides the ship then jumps from one ship to another into this aircraft carrier eats a jet a godzilla and gives him a killer white hook then zilla submerges underwater and goes like so kong jumps off and why can i see his king kong dong right here doesn't matter khan gets dragged down to the depths so they disorient godzilla with some bombs that do not affect kong i don't know how that works but okay kong surfaces and he's fully out of breath tired of [ __ ] so they shut off all the electrics and everything that makes the sound all the engines and stuff to make godzilla think that he won and make him leave and that kind of works how does he even find king kong is it because he makes a lot of noise because he wasn't making that much noise drugged on a boat and he was arguably making more noise on skull island or is it because he's radioactive like the moth thing in the first cuz of movie kong's not imagining dragons though or is he was the mother reactive i can't remember i you should have re-watched that movie first actually doesn't matter they decide to airlift kong to antarctica which is apparently much safer than transporting him by boat why wasn't this your first choice you [ __ ] nincompoops let's jump back to the gulf [ __ ] because while this was happening she called over her [ __ ] aussie can't friend that with his brother's van to help her freaking find bernie and ask him questions or help him or whatever and she's a [ __ ] [ __ ] okay because he got her the mode of transportation and she won't even wait for him to get in the car before taking off [ __ ] this ho yo whatever he gets on they're able to track down bernie using a bleach lead and he lets them in because she's the daughter of this godzilla relief dude and they get to talk and bernie's insanity he shows him that he's got a dead wife whiskey and a gun holster and he goes the day that this goes empty that's the day you know i'm giving out that's just a very obvious movie for shattering for imma drink this before i die at the end of the movie and it's gonna be a moment at least be a little bit more sly with the movie [ __ ] god damn so next up they decide to break into the ruins of apex and i highly doubt that this should be able to open the door but whatever maybe the doors in apex are artistic looked at so they broke in and they didn't find the thing that he saw when he broke in the first time so they go down to sub level 33 in this elevator and hide from guards in this pod full of skull crawler eggs which are basically enemy king kong godzilla eggs or something i don't remember which one then the door goes shut on them and they got elon musk hyperlooped over to king kong hong kong king kong now [ __ ] them let's switch back to antarctica arrives there and gets dropped there and wakes up like the [ __ ] this [ __ ] then death kid tells him to go into the hollow earth entry hole to find his new home but he ain't vince see i'm using vince now instead of convinced because it's too long and i'm too cool so andrews tells her to tell him that there might be others like him down there so she signs that to him and he's like for real homie and they follow him using the heave anti-flippy dippy gravity mobiles he stands for hey elsa ass vomit they follow him pass through the sci-fi [ __ ] gravity and verse they low-key [ __ ] themselves and have you seen journey to the center of the earth or read it or even ice age you don't know the dinosaurs yeah that's basically it right here it's a world of dinosaur dragon like [ __ ] asses who take out one of the three heaves so king kong shits on them with a little help from junkrat and eats their brains literally then makes it to this high point where they jump off the inner crust of big earth onto a little earth okay he runs a bit more and makes it to this temple or something that his ancestors must have built he opens the temple walks in and it's like a roman coliseum or a throne room place with health hazards on the [ __ ] ceiling and then he rips an axe out of a scalp and sits on a throne maybe he's hiding beneath all that vegetation between his legs why am i so fixated on this whatever let's jump back to the death core malteser and crocodile nato dundee they finally make it to hong kong and start snooping around the apex facility over there to find a giant sacrificial chamber and a giant mecha godzilla controlled by crypto and he kills this skull walker or crawler whatever it's called then runs out of energy then super obvious bad guy gives a movie expedition that he will be able to power this mechagodzilla to take down real godzilla which is hella backstabbing gay once his daughter finds this power source that he sent her down to get from hollow earth and see this is why godzilla attacked the first apex facility in the first place because he sent some big going on he went over there to [ __ ] it up and that people think he's bad and now he sends this test to where they ran out of energy so he changed course over to hong kong to go [ __ ] up their [ __ ] i really love how they couldn't see that they have three intruders in their sacrificial chamber even though this ugly [ __ ] tripod tried to go for them and they inadvertently saved them blind bastards anyway as i said they're still undetected and they do some more snooping around to find the skull of a three-headed titan that godzilla killed i think apparently its necks were so long the three heads communicated telepathically and they see crypto inside there but he doesn't notice them because he's too deep into vr porn to do so and bernie thinks they must have the second skull in that mecha godzilla and connected crypto to this one and are controlling it through movie signs telepathy whatever the [ __ ] but my question is why the [ __ ] is crypto still in the uplink then the mecca just went out of power and he came out of the uplink and have a full-on conversation with the very obvious bad guy he should totally notice they're here and fan of fact he should have been gone out of the zoom by now taking a shower or some [ __ ] after soul bonding with a [ __ ] [ __ ] dragon anyway three things are happening right now first king kong's axe glows turns out it's made of [ __ ] nuclear tesseract energy material or something like that so he puts it in this wireless charging port on the ground that lights up some cool godzilla art second godzilla arrived at hong kong started demolishing and killing half the city when kong started charging his axe and godzilla sensed this and started firing his lizard down at kong and three bad guy and krypto are like yes they found energy source how is crypto in the room with him wasn't he just in the skull room with the three retards whatever [ __ ] bad guy daughter takes a sample of the energy source with a spider robot so her dad can read its energy signature and recreate it on the surface and make his own power source nuclear power source whatever listen i'm no scientist okay but i'm willing to wager that that's a giant load of [ __ ] they're leading super hard on movie signs here but who the [ __ ] cares moving on godzilla's laser beam finally reaches the core and bad guy daughter hoe tries to escape but khan crushes her because she pulled the gun on the deathkay and that's a big no-no for him dang kong drops down or rather up with his axe to go battle godzilla for round two godzilla must have made the hole from the other end because that's the only way this hole would make any sense leading to the surface anyway at the surface king kong shows up and goes to town on godzilla why are these people still in the restaurant didn't the hotel guy from john wick give the evacuation order a long time ago that's not important though so some rich asians died who the [ __ ] airs godzilla fires his laser a kong but kong protects himself with the axe which sucks up the laser energy then he stabs him with it and the leg by godzilla gets him off and pulls off the axe and eats it away lets out a big ass man actually attacks kong but through some clever maneuvering and parkour and the big guys frisbee he gets back to the axe and zilla has some huge lungs and [ __ ] because he's still going and aiming at the axe so kong jumps up and [ __ ] slam dunks him in the jaw they both get launched away from each other death kit crew who are back at the surface go like looks like round two goes to kong the score's all tied up ladies and gentlemen but let's go back to the [ __ ] to your gun because they snuck into the skull so you do have a phone [ __ ] retardio why did you use it before they get caught and taken to the evil guy who recognizes the girl because he knows her dad and goes on with his evil plan like we need to replace godzilla he almost needs to be the top dog again you know all that stuff right now now back to the titan fight again kong the [ __ ] ape now bearing a [ __ ] crane inside of his axe throws it at zilla and jumps onto his spiky back stupid moves kong stupid moves homie they keep duking it out godzilla dislocates kong's shoulder he really picked me around two dimming zilla keeps crashing up then steps on him and looks in denial and lets out a big war then kong goes your breath stank vanzilla leaves and congo's eat a tic tac motherfu i'm weak why did he not kill kong that's prime razor in time right there what the [ __ ] they keep spared each other god damn whatever while this was going on bad guy was still evil speech and he connects their [ __ ] new power source to the mechagodzilla crypto puts on the headset and they power up the mecha but crypto starts losing control because the dead chikitari titan skull whatever the hell it's called starts taking control like robocop increasing its serotonin levels or whatnot listen i don't [ __ ] know what kind of nuclear energy voodoo crap movie science [ __ ] is going on here but point is mega godzilla goes rogue and crypto dies and mecha kills bad guy but leaves the [ __ ] trio alive very conveniently then it breaks out of the facility godzilla sees robo [ __ ] and both of them make a b line for each other and start going at it while moana and fat chocolate try to guess the password to a bad guy's mechagodzilla gaming pc then death kid team go to godzilla and death kid feels the ground and tells them that his heart is slowing down [ __ ] off you can't feel that with two nuclear dinosaurs having a street fight less than three kilometers away [ __ ] you kid anyway tarzan who suddenly qualified to [ __ ] with a heavy sitter the art power source rewires it to be a giant defibrillator to restart kong's heart while godzilla has his ass handed to him and kong wakes up the kid tells him that godzilla's not the enemy that screw off mechagodzilla is and he's like okay fine fixes up his busted shoulder and saves godzilla from certain death and it's a very even 2v1 right now he even finds and uses his nuclear [ __ ] axe however mechazil is still ops flook but in reality it's actually 2.05 v1 cause deep down under who gets completely locked out of the computer like i'm not used to this i'm used to pirating movies i feel you bro anyway he dumps bernie's dead wife whiskey on it and actually slows down godzilla a little bit what if the computer was just a terminal to a bigger computer or server that controls godzilla and destroying it doesn't affect him at all and just makes your job of shutting him down even harder whatever the aussie's gamble pays off and godzilla charges kong's x and khan goes there's never been a more appropriate time for me to say this he goes ape [ __ ] on the mecca ripping it to shreds tearing it limp from limb even pulling out his [ __ ] spine then the goth kid reunites with her dad king kong godzilla high five not really but they do end up on good terms and leaves it alone and khan goes to live in hollow earth this only gets one ripped gorilla out of two jurassic parks [Music]

Channel: High Boi

Views: 5,057,475

Keywords: godzilla vs kong, king kong vs godzilla, godzilla vs kong explained, everything wrong with godzilla vs kong, movie, recap, review, funny, haha, lol

Id: Pzqf0IExapI

Length: 12min 56sec (776 seconds)

Published: Sat May 15 2021