Karlous Miller Stand Up Comedy at The Laugh Factory 2018

yeah yeah get rid of the head get ready get ready get ready get ready to go start swinging on sick get ready a [ __ ] get ready you ready all right now this next one [ __ ] my brain to this day this [ __ ] here is crazy if you think out crazy if you died Chico crazy if you got a P [ __ ] you need to go Pete right the [ __ ] now okay he bout to turn this [ __ ] y'all don't see the dig all over L TV y'all don't see the dig I love a be T and you know he's falling or the 85 South Shore Long Beach start make some noise right now for Carlos [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] oh-oh-oh [Applause] y'all I already know what it is we bout to act a [ __ ] fool my dog in the wheelchair say [ __ ] I'm gonna stand up if you do it now like so now I got the challenge bro we've been riding around this [ __ ] all day bro y'all got a beautiful ass City fine women everywhere bro I saw a fish in a tree house she live in a tree house they got no type of women in California Eskimos Alaskan Scandinavian ladies what the single ladies in who like me cuz that bro I brought it with me and some condoms well what are they making these condoms out of those now Teflon the other way the condom on you feel like you [ __ ] yourself while you hear all you hear is the kind of I'm the only one still wearing condoms okay no [ __ ] I figured okay it is summertime pregnancy season Oh about to be ignorant they are already cussing us out they said we really brought too many [ __ ] and they can't let everybody in I was like maybe if you took that dumbass that she'll Chris Tucker out that [ __ ] don't even look like Chris Tucker that [ __ ] look like at all Don Cheadle [ __ ] young the land factor this is a real factor ain't even no roof in this [ __ ] that's crazy well some money how you doing bro what you from Long Beach looking like to do who said Rolex is ensued brother these gangster [ __ ] is getting to of feminine bruh I saw a [ __ ] with a pair of skinny shorts on today you can't sit in front of me your balls is out sir I am uncomfortable my [ __ ] what happens to real guys all these [ __ ] dude nice dance and smoke oh girl I got robbed by one of these new feminine dance games he hit the gun like this [ __ ] give me our last [ __ ] take your shirt off whoa this is my real life much looks all these ladies with these big-ass hairstyles that look like real hair then you get home and she take that [ __ ] off so [ __ ] what's up take your afro off [Applause] they used to the least glue em oh they don't even grow them on them over and wearing itches like hoodies don't be hating the sideburns is hanging I like that dumbass [ __ ] on you sweating beijing and black jail stop stealing this makeup from the drugs though ladies you out here ruining shirts and pillows and [ __ ] I had this girl at the hotel she done left her whole face on the pillow her scared the [ __ ] out of Maria well it's the person I don't know Maria bring me another pillow she won't take no for answer don't nobody to clean up the hotel like them old Spanish grandmas but it'd be worn over they don't talk to nobody no English no English like this English you didn't just learn that much and stop and no I don't want no service it is 4:30 in the morning it goes somewhere else I thought she left I laid back down went to sleep woke up she didn't made the bed I'll clean the room I'm still in the bed and when the [ __ ] did she come fellas stop being so freaking you can't be out here eating [ __ ] with your ass in the air lay down [Applause] what if somebody break in he gonna shoot shell freak against you doing so Buddha in the air come on now ladies you gotta call them out to sir get your booty out there get under the blanket your booty is in the answer lay down white don't lay down get under the blanket don't be out there with you ass out yeah yeah how you doing that's your man he looked like you'd be beating the [ __ ] out of him Hey look [ __ ] he looked like he's Joe Aston and watch them dishing [ __ ] the game oh okay all right hello you've been married brood see she can't even answer the question that's her [ __ ] right there shut up can't talk to him but you got anything you wanna say I'll even hold a live [ __ ] in she beating you and looking a little your hands off his hands look at this what they got puppet hands on 15 years she beat up all your side business dish I know you did you like scaring without a scratch on your face come on I know every [ __ ] who could fight when I see one she got her [ __ ] slicked down on one side that's my ass whuppin if you go over there see she fighting [ __ ] - she got brothers you're scaring the white lady's are there about the fight no white ladies y'all funniest [ __ ] man stop being so goddamn scary every time y'all see a black man y'all grandma y'all got them person [ __ ] like you strong [ __ ] you vegan if I want that goddamn purse imma snatch the [ __ ] out of that purse Alison you think clutching is making it safe if you don't sit there goddamn purse down [ __ ] I'll scatter white women bright this club keep trying to set me up I'm in the green room by myself they keep sending the white girl with the big titties in there can't get you anything yes go get Tameka that's what the [ __ ] I want the black waitress with a little bit as pawns here that's what the [ __ ] do you why they keep sending her if this is set up hello I like this audience Britain's a lot of laughs was there much loves all the ladies who give a good head all summer making this [ __ ] fine I'm not giving good hair all summer just making the summer fun and [ __ ] oh we love hanging out with child the ones who'll give good head don't it make you feel like a better man for a good head how you doing [ __ ] like putting money and your savings account cutting grass you'll be taking care of a lawn and [ __ ] that is real life all the women in here barely sucking these girls gonna tell me I don't suck dick like that I was like what you suck it like them suck it like this [ __ ] that [ __ ] you didn't order $70 let's take all that protein you got some energy suck some dick hey stands you with the head get your head for eight seconds you ready yeah for Samoa head what the [ __ ] then you even sucking it right you sucking my dick like you're trying to open up a chick come on slow down teeth are sharp that's to me whatever taught myself how to eat pudding I am gonna get my dick sucked I feel like I should I'm a hell of a [ __ ] I'm out hippie I'm a faithful black man I'm straight I like black women I go to church I believe in God I take care of my son my baby my man trippin why wouldn't you [ __ ] with me you don't [ __ ] with [ __ ] who was a lot of words you [ __ ] with [ __ ] you don't had to go pick up and suck dick come on [ __ ] I could at least got myself over there come on now see I'm not out here asking for [ __ ] that's not my thing I'm not asking from the bus I'm giving away big this night about me this is this is good big this ain't just this not dollar me you dick this dick oh it benefits you better [ __ ] me your credit card I went up 13 points just like the blue just for [ __ ] with a real [ __ ] your edges is coming back in thick you taking pictures like I'm living on these [ __ ] got hang time you didn't lost the look that a little weight in the front I helped you get all that oh look they think about that's some good dick right there the dick bring back edges [ __ ] lose a little push whoa ladies stop hiding on your insecurities do you know that me and freaky as hell everything you insecure about we love that [ __ ] see how quiet it got who's like don't tell the secret yes whatever the [ __ ] is wrong with you we like that [ __ ] y'all be trying to hide your stomach and [ __ ] do you not know the [ __ ] who bout to get that [ __ ] free concealing he been seen that's lovely you insecure cause you had some kids that you got some stretch marks right here a girl that is the road map to good [ __ ] that's how you get to it you can't be out here with no directions you gotta read them stretch smart it's a story in there tell you exactly how to get that [ __ ] wet and leaves you right round the edge you gotta rub the booty alright you ain't a real negative your own bite then little toss me a piece of booty right there with her yeah if she Hispanic it's gonna be brown but it's right there woulda has to meet the leg you proposed to bite that for good look all the fellas white dudes is gonna be a pink land right bite that yeah wonder how white dudes pick with me cuz white girls get drunk at the party get to dancing like this and make it thank you what do i do say when they see that [ __ ] look at those [ __ ] hip bones ami so [ __ ] hot for whatever you knew I came to talk some [ __ ] Hispanic ladies if you got a man you better love the [ __ ] out of him because they love the [ __ ] out of y'all they do see they even clap if your lady Hispanic you know you love the [ __ ] out of her cuz the [ __ ] get big is lieutenant after day what the [ __ ] did you eat you shaped like a caprese I'm pouch [Applause] and all the [ __ ] up [ __ ] I say that's what makes y'all turn on me look he live no more racism funny when it ain't your turn what's up my [ __ ] are you good then she'll later right though huh yeah black you get there pretty lady big black Mississippi here yeah that mean indicator puts the cut-up grant put a spot on her car when the church will grumbling I'll let that's what Mississippi [ __ ] do what would he teach you how you gonna volunteer some [ __ ] you don't know yet oh how long you been with uber three years season evening hey lady fifteen-year can't say [ __ ] gotta learn from the Mississippi [ __ ] anybody else in Mississippi what part remember Prentice yes [ __ ] dumped down no that [ __ ] still look like the fifties The Apprentice they got one stoplight they don't even have a Walmart number what bumblers bumpers they don't even know what that is that's a low version budget of Sonic yeah most of them [ __ ] closed in 89 they still got one down there that [ __ ] close they just st. get the mail it's still going on ain't it what you say you barely have sight what the [ __ ] elected y'all to be too goddamn council to just you know that I was just gonna say whatever the [ __ ] y'all wanted to do the whole show just kind of scam me the girl with the what is that a t-shirt it wasn't wrong what is this [Applause] oh you're gonna make it seem like I'm [ __ ] up like they don't do time t-shirt I know what happened she had an appointment to get her [ __ ] braided and her style instinct and she's like [ __ ] we still going [ __ ] [ __ ] real hood [ __ ] in for being say some wheel dragged their whole [ __ ] time out see see ladies the boys and girls don't [ __ ] with them alright I've been up here about three months let me go get the [ __ ] out of here we didn't discuss everything y'all feeling good and welcome in this [ __ ] but I love this your lady bro that's your lady use the low down [ __ ] bro [ __ ] them kid grow more light there right what are you finding later brother later was matter up business you caught in a vulnerable moment in Sin City live here affluent I'm leaving you Frank through a real [ __ ] that's who they got their living good I got a big ass craving Beverly much Lewis all the way ladies out here adopting black me and getting them out to ghetto Christian I started that [ __ ] look she covered her face oh my god you like I love you be willing white lady hello [ __ ] the [ __ ] up I can tell cuz you're starting to sound like a black auntie 12 years [Applause] let me lead it's too [ __ ] up y'all look at me bro boy boy okay what my [ __ ] it they ready tell you a winning play something [ __ ] y'all know my daughter where if you've been watching 85 I'll show you already know what this is let me some [ __ ] you man play that [ __ ] fatherhood shakes over noon gotta tell you so well Oh much louder ladies good night Italia got down t-shirt bunny [Music]

Channel: The 85 South Comedy Show

Views: 3,558,794

Rating: 4.7437673 out of 5

Keywords: dcyoungfly, karlousmiller, comedy, mtv2, wildnout, podcast, chicobean, kevinhart

Id: SSYZdYdLr7A

Length: 19min 5sec (1145 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 24 2018