Rob Stapleton | Laffaholics | Ep 510

let's go back to the beginning of the show give it up for the classic comedian milk garlic climbing up for him and mr. Davey Lozano this is the laugh of horlicks live this is one of our special episodes towards the end of the season and we're happy to have all you guys here tonight but we're even more happy to have one of the New York kings of comedy in the building y'all ready for the New York King are y'all ready for New York King to hit the stage they've been taken in united states across the country coast to coast by storm him the gangster comedy Capone Talent and mark Viera this guy runs the Bronx he does sounds like a flagel every Tuesday please put your hands together for one of the New York Kings give it up right now for mr. Rob Stapleton come on y'all y'all gonna do better than that let's go let's go yeah Brooklyn at our house cut it off cut it off tell some damn jokes that's that joint right there you go to a funeral they play their job that one one's on you played at the funeral [Music] that's right I was there last week yeah that's true that's true I Love New York you love me oh don't you love New York you love New York make some noise Love New York I love how rude people are in New York someone gets shot in front of you whatever quality book as a shooting people today maybe lift four come faster don't look see nothing do nothing subway crack me up you know now sup you had me on the subway you Boyd you ever be on the subway and your phone died isn't that the worst you'll be on the subway your phone too now you just staring at people [Applause] you start looking at people's outfits I would never wear that top with that body [Applause] she fat we don't give a damn either just getting a seat on the subway bum boom you'll be somebody to the seat every stop you act like you're getting up all the way up not that good stopping you ever sit on the train you got a seat and pregnant lady standing next to Eve like [ __ ] it ain't my baby you have to start reading the paper to mow [ __ ] next to you start reading your paper you try to turn page he'd be drink gotta give me a drink today with the women that know how to drink we don't women that know how to drink we got got one over here without dig I wonder I got one over here I went over here yeah women could drink too huh maybe there's a time when we couldn't drink number town women couldn't drink fellas you got let me drink now drink expensive stuff the club around a month go young ladies is like Rob Stapleton you so funny we've been following your credit thank you so much I said what would you like to drink just I'll take a double Hennessy to swish $68 I had to go in the bathroom and recount my money she could have got a corona [Music] left the club says she gotta figure this [ __ ] out herself but I figured any she'd be sipping on that for a while turn the rounds Hughes [ __ ] that's how you doing with your train oh we benefits that we benefit is that you'll try to get a woman drunk and get some she I'll drink you and drop you off like a [ __ ] you try to get to your house you know you messed up you got to touch every building get into your bill excuse me do I live here could you take me upstairs how come all drunk people walk like a newborn they're trying to chat us some self-control do you know where the post office is you know what I'm saying [ __ ] that's why I just took cocaine you know understand yeah but Hank what somebody's doing cocaine you in the club having a good time he just be like this he go to the bathroom come back [Applause] I'm going to the bath one more thing here man it's torn all oh yeah mr. whole summer wit day ready for more one more cook out one more cooker black people if white people to your cookout stop inviting your black coworkers white people are great cookout goers white people koi they enjoy they'll call you two or three weeks before the cook Howie Robbins every day to still along with the barbecue we have to flyer on a fridge if you're Muntz if we could get dressing mosey on over today a fire up that grill white people bring stuff they call you hate Robin I didn't mean to cross the line how many people you're expecting around 50 40 50 60 good I'll bring enough for 80 and 90 then we would hate to run out of food they call you on a hey Rob I'm outside could you help me with the New Zealand mussels paper crab legs snow crab oysters we're gonna have a feast what black people bring nothing but more black people they take a plate for muhfucka even there keeps adding more this room you say its name try you know Keith Keith Oh Keith Keith tell Keith Keith to suck my dick [Applause] every cook I got the same thing every cook I got the same thing right you get to cook out was the most important thing at a black look I know who made the potato fat pearl you know pearl got roaches why y'all let pearl let make the potato sad you ever get to the cookout late you start eating raw potatoes out every want me to don't eat the second one to the left second one to the left pearl made that do not eat the second one to the left you're late ass get your cookout boy be the other side to cook I like a third biggest coach giving you signal [Applause] [Music] okay every cook I have the same thing got that one aunt stopped and anybody to you know she happy to see everybody half hour later she saw drinking at NJ third drinking she net is night you see the middle cookout who want to see my tennis you know that's not your real father you like that one uncle been in rehab three or four times so you let him work the grill he didn't want him inside the house cuz he's still so he go to cookout doing all the food and stuff he makes sure everybody eat you get a plate come get yourself a plate come get your cell phone don't play don't care what cookout you go to any black cookout you're gonna hit the same twenty songs and every black cook I don't care if you in New York Jersey Milwaukee Atlanta Phoenix Chicago Detroit the same twenty songs every cook give me give me something you hit every black cookout you got something you hear every black cookout you got oh you're ready come on yo you gonna see this what you gonna see you gonna see this alright you're ready you're ready come on come on [Music] you forget here rehab he's not doing cocaine the middle of cookout boom on a sausage the grill burning is okay is okay there's some good cocaine right we need more white people that did cookout now you ever seen my bucket how cocaine you try to place pays [Applause] [Applause] how many books you got around three four [Applause] what happens at our late in their cookout the gay cousin come I'm the only family with the gay cousin to hell with y'all we're at their gay cousin you I got that cousin Kiki engaged in super six every year he got gay and gay his shorts got high in high when you ain't came to t-shirt with the back cut out like hey older dudes like is Kiki gay I'm starting really starting to put this together he come out to cook out this is it yeah everybody knew cuz he like you know he he in his teens now anybody by Kiki coming came back got a plate ready all just gonna be good you know it's gonna be good when one person yell out worldstar the Kiki come he got his own intro this is his eye coming out the closet moment he get to the cook I give me solutions give me something with Kiki get to God you got something with Kiki get to the Klingon ha Kiki here y'all oh my God look at you Derek you got so big oh my god Derek we cousins Derek we cousin Derek Derek look what I could do Derek I make money moves gonna cut up uncle be playing space what the hell was your empire last week [Applause] ah stop I'm working I hit you with this I'm working I better stop that my being a me-too movement in two weeks shut him down shut him down we tell your son about me born and raised in New York grew up with a whole bunch of black people Latinos and a few white families I couldn't move out Latinos were just as broke as black people where Latinos made it look a lot more fun to be broke not to say that it was happy with it they just made it look a lot more fun music sofrito you ever walk in your building you just stay on your wrong floor you just just the Garcias take it may I go to my friend's house to go play video games so that people get mad if you don't eat at their house they make a whole bunch of food arroz con pollo you let us out of sketti meatballs pastel a pairing I'd be like damn whose birthday I Popeye is Tuesday your own family don't do like this no we be fighting over cereal man you do this every day I like I like me was a whole different situation you remember you have company your mother call you to kiss you Robert come in the kitchen come out the kitchen two minutes later my mother said we about to eat you got a lead uh you gotta go now we gonna eat in front of you leave with dignity all here leave anyway I was just about to leave I had so many roaches in my apartment I thought roaches came with the apartment I was mad at my roaches roaches got stepped out hard to kill the roach just to kill the roach um see Matt wrote you mad so mad at the roach you step you have a step in twist like that's gonna kill a whole species ever once I saw a roach I stepped so hard a mouse came out like that's enough he's dead I got kids in the wall I don't need to see that [ __ ] let's go to 3b he disrespectful yo it's a back wall allows you oh [ __ ] how my lady's filling in the building and I heard a lady's feeling tonight make sure one more time how the lady's feeling in the building tonight all ladies got a older dude that they like to mess with the old the dudes are [ __ ] cool I like all they do all the dudes are stuck in a goddamn way that's why all the dudes that they've been through a lot they've been through life they got no time to change they get cranky but change you get mad hey give me one of them dared to give me the mustard no more mustard why are there no more goddamn mustard I told you to put mustard on the car thank you you just don't like change ain't not funny when you see it like when you go down south especially the older guys down south they go to it like they moved up north and go back down south and they try to go to a club that they thought was gonna be the club that they wanted to be a and this whole hip-hop thing change and they got the club it is not the night that they wanted to be they think the whispers were gonna be there through magic but they hear somebody answer ball if you ever see through when you walk at the club you know old people they walk at a club and they got that keys in here give me so you got some trap music give me some old one I'm old-school hip-hop joint give me some needles [Music] [Applause] what the [ __ ] excuse me do you work here what the hell is this they playing they told me peaches a nerd we're gonna be here who the goddamn amigos excuse me is it me or do you smell reefer you know now you try to talk to one a young girl here young lady you ain't got it you don't need it you a child Turkish hustler you know that goddamn chump that's why when guys cheat on a lady with God's cheat on a lady guys guys normally go younger they get a young chick you got a beautiful woman at home taking care all your needs guys could do dumb stuff go get a young chick she's vibrating big breasts big ass but dumb as [ __ ] but she look good she's your creep women women mess with the older guy all women I got an old guy that they mess with that none of their friends ever met older women got a guy named Gus Gus on three different Western beasts he got old-school Miller old-school money here to connect for seedless watermelons from North Carolina to New York you got to see him for seedless watermelon guns come by unannounced you don't do no social [ __ ] you don't go no don't go no cookout no Six Flags no quiche his birthday none that he come over at two o'clock sometime you know yet you hear the truck outside guys come in so you hear the door closed so girls come in he was going on he always think you said meet - what's going on take his clothes off ride away while he tell you what type of meat those are center-cut Pope job Oh Peter just throw their clothes out cuz he don't want [ __ ] up his grease [Applause] you have any hangers you want to [ __ ] Mike Reeser do your business then he leave cuz no he's supposed to go he was going on don't there with you over here how you feeling I'm good I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry damn I messed up yeah this old leg you know what change his ways you don't need a club even other side of club Texan [Applause] [Music] discotheque we had talked about this several times that I am never ever ever supposed to engage in outside activity when you are out in public with your friend smiley face if you could find it in your heart to forgive me I promise to double up on my pork chop supply the big time I come over sin he come over two minutes lady did you get the message oh [ __ ] again Gus is leaving the club we having a good time tonight y'all we having a good time tonight let me tell you this before I get out of here make sure you practice safe sex I don't trust nobody I got a condom on now just case some jump off later suit my stuff out there what happened a good old syphilis chlamydia gonorrhea feet date without it doctor tell you got VD you'd be happy now mister stapling VD yes oh ho let me call my wife here babies just VD yeah yeah get dress we going City Island I joke buddy but the serious I want there to be something you can tell but somebody got you could be sitting next to somebody right now burn it like a [ __ ] you can't tell what they got you said Nick somebody burning right now [Music] just bill I want there to be something you could just tell physically with somebody guy I'm when you really watch the 60 minutes you watch it with your family to speak on 60 minutes North Korea the midterm elections Donald Trump made a new STD that's spreading around America so I want something to make it [ __ ] it's something to [ __ ] you are so physically you could tell what somebody got it be dude on sixty minutes think this would happen but look at me now you watching us with your wife like home yeah now stay with me on this tape with me on this one max I've not been messing with you all night nice looking brother beautiful young lady beautiful that's your queen you're beautiful yeah let's say you got your job you like me I got a travel I got to go from city to city state to state to get my checks you got window jobs you got to go out of town you tell you lady ain't name look I got a leave Thursday to go to Atlanta for their conference I know I know try to get through the postpone it but they need me I'll be back on Tuesday you in Atlanta bye-bye merger merger network network now you at the motel with Monique you work with Monique for 11 years if you wake up with this [ __ ] [Music] morning what is this she's like I forgot to tell you what do you mean you forgot to tell me now you got to get on the plane and next thing you don't black people we we gonna admit nothing you get on the plane try to blend in with everybody [Music] the guy in 13 days like this just grabbed a magazine it's in Spanish she started I know we don't know each other person I'm gonna ask you a question keep it real how I look you just open the windows now you land back at the airport you see a woman she knew you coming home Monday you walk it to your house it's a slow long walk oh [ __ ] don't be an argument your boy come out the house next door yo you coming out not now yeah now I got bigger fish to fry you get to your door you can't even knock she watches 60 minutes with you so she's gonna know what this is right away [Applause] [Music] [Applause] she you can see the knob and your door about the other you can't let your woman see you like this you know you can't like you will you try to muster all of this [ __ ] out of you it's me baby that'd be [ __ ] up she opened the door and she be [ __ ] up too Rob Stapleton let's go rob's a Burton ladies and gentlemen give it up don't give it up don't give it up for milk garlic now garlic come on out give it up for Davey Lozano from New Haven we thank you guys for listening and tuning in to lap Orlick slab or brick TV you've been a wonderful audience one more time for all three of my comedians now give it up thank you very much guys we appreciate you hi Vern guys thank you so much you guys been an incredible audience I do have search available outside your twenty dollars but it's to 4:30 every by two so you can find out all for each shirt they're right outside the lobby on December 22nd I'm gonna be at the Kings theater with the gangster comedy Capone Brooklyn my config that's my Holiday Show on the 22nd we're up to a 1,100 seats already that we sold please go to Ticketmaster calm where you can see me directly for some really really good seats anybody get home safe if you're drinking and driving make sure you have a car all right [Applause] you

Channel: BRIC TV

Views: 1,694,415

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Id: i3u4nS8gOyg

Length: 27min 31sec (1651 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 28 2018