Platinum Comedy Series: Bruce Bruce - Live

[Music] [Applause] you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] well what do you have on [Applause] boy you is going through something your life did you see that there we have a bath with a show sleeve shirt but you cool on your chest and low moan y'all that look good on you I'm not gonna pick off your pimp you like even lifting weights a bottle that strolls over oh my god what's up first girl on the air you I ain't goodbye no you should hand to me what's happening baby oh my god is it me is it hot in here [ __ ] well I got an air oh hell oh my god your Italian player I know I know how to use on the NC together you sitting small like huh oh my god I'm so stupid ain't got this is my brother coming in a dress tonight that is so cute ain't seen that's his Ali and Frazier fault that was in 73 bless his heart where's some brother coming in here with some shirts that are unbelievable do you see that shirt right now that do you see that shirt don't say man just look at it let's you're trying to walk away but you can't help you might well turn around and mala that ugly shirt forget he getting mad anything you can do about it I didn't make you wear that you did that by your goddamn self a glass sure women always make you West [ __ ] when in order when they don't want another woman looking at you and goddamn it's working I'm just kidding don't get mad man I'm just joking you know you're my boy you don't saying you just want some [ __ ] oh my god I'm stupid what's up what's up baby what's happening good I love you too don't let the big way fool you now I hit you one time I don't create nothing but Stoppers baby what's happening up in Indianapolis what's going on it's off the chain and put me at the restaurant today I eat you my food and and [ __ ] have you ever went to all-you-can-eat restaurant and set at the buffet have you ever did that I don't mean [ __ ] of the table I mean sit at the buffet the manager said y'all can't sit here I said I'm CEO side you got to put a side out for a brother not to sit down you know go to the mall to see somebody bigger than you you started thinking Jesus right there and give me that they want pleasure I thank you Lord I appreciate right now he be walking better food I am so stupid somebody sitting in the wrong seats that can't be possible could it the letters and numbers are on the ticket am i correct how could that happen somebody gotta get up cuz they're that or should I tell machine gonna play somebody need to move I'm gonna [ __ ] somebody up hey uh sure you are right baby take care like she mean is hey I need help on security [ __ ] he was just coming in late like we started early we'll start off leading us here with a look dog [ __ ] all hey bud how you dead but is he probably got a name with an issues named LW what you all sit down how you doing brother with a Gucci shirt you alright they made you late dinner I've no idea - catching a bus being transferred he forget all about man [Applause] I'm just kidding play I died here y'all probably cop who you know huh what's up him look at he scared to death ain't gonna mess with your eye ball skin she got a head sideways Lord Peter let him say that I'm not gonna bother how you doing brother alright my mind oh boy oh my god I got funny people a family I had gotta also they laugh out loud don't even practice Brown I told Martin I sent a he laughed he don't crack smile I see you laugh I cracked a joke he said [Laughter] [Applause] I said you see that monster yeah he crazy like I got a pun he always giggle after every time he say something he just giggle for no reason he was painting houses hey man you do pain yeah man she he can brave my money now hey Landon it would you jump up could you imagine something like that testifying for you in court just say you see well yeah he didn't do nothing case dismissed get his hands out and you all know from Atlanta Georgia right and I'm saying you don't relate yeah but now I live in California but my mother's still living that laughing so my mother don't even know I just think I don't do nothing you know I'm saying my mother realized I was a host of BT coming through she gonna call me on phone are they Hebrews and say Yes Mother I'm looking at coming view it's a guy on that looked just like I said mommy lets me she said no he's sharp as hell it's my own mother you know the man and my mother thing I don't do that so I have to come home all the time to Atlanta cuz I take care of mother cuz that's my girl you know what I'm saying so my mother think I don't do that so I had to go to the gun store all the time you're saying they let me have a chain of gun stores called Kroger I don't know if y'all for me with it but colors it's real big and I'm saying and then the crooks in Atlanta they had a lot of [ __ ] kids you know I'm saying and then I wrote that don't get me wrong but I'm just tired I mess with me every time I come in town I walked in update this little boy I kept speaking to me for no reason I want a little buster hey hey I got by the buggies he said hey hey I got about apologies hey hey you got sweeper one time hey I heard you got damn hey I look up becoming lovely Tata but no way what's up fat boy I like I know they were trying to Dueling snapping on me you know saying so I tried that I gotta hear he's how you heard me fat boy I know what you want some cookies potato chips a cake are you better go ahead and all those slow ass boy but right behind and hey hey I caught my second get mad and grant when I'm your grant [ __ ] child they are strong is here you and me I grab he grabbed me back I said I said somebody get him somebody get him let it had to run in the back come on hit me calm down calm down Susie let me go girl Harvey but right there hey hey that's why I say anybody have any children beat you children go home and wake them up beat them they have done something you don't know about you do not have the reason with a child you are the parent and what you say goes why babe oh quit making deals with your kids you do not have to make a deal with a child my mom used to make a deal she said why cut the front yard when you get through don't forget the back and that's the goddamn deal my mommy then played I had when the mom used to threaten you before you go anywhere you know what I'm talking about Jay Bruce we going to Kmart and don't ask me but [ __ ] I got in Kmart I see the fire truck I want it so bad I'm looking at my daddy came raba calling you see son you up he says what is it he said that fat drunk ICL but mama told me to ask up a [ __ ] my daddy say well damn you're trying to get us both [ __ ] up so beat your children and on the same token get an understanding which kids don't tell you kids anything like ma Hughes do me just get me out his face Punk just tell me anything just get me out of favor I was seven years old who's I was in the car we waiting on my under come out to go store I saw a person I had never seen before in my life I told my can say hey he said what I said you seeing a little bitty boy man he said what I saw just seeing a little bitty boy man he said what the hell is a little bitty boy man I stay here is he coming out the store right now mother say man that's a [ __ ] I said where they come from this man says shout dicks here tie my sending me like hey daddy gotta shut the here I'm growing believe that today you know to me so get it understand which kid on the same token you definitely got to get understanding and you got to get a one-on-one personal relationship with your children we're gonna see if your child trusts you to tell you anything you got to be that one-on-one personal relationship with your kids cuz my kids and I real real cool right let me take my 14 year old son told me today he saying dad can I see someone's here man what's up he said man has been on my mind I said what is it I'm thinking I'm wrong he said man don't you hate when you sit down and use the bathroom and you're paying for in the war [Applause] I said we've been a whole oh ho ho I saw you trying to tell me you'll dig in the water magic any judge of the TARDIS seat I looked him straight and I said well I know what you're talking about son dig me the man I can't be my real [ __ ] I know they don't make things like that nobody my granddad had a deal in long you know the ring get our old man get RiRi oh he had a game about my god I took off the clothes we thought of a [ __ ] like my dad what the hell told you we had to put a dick in the toppers I he sit in - yeah why - knock him down with this [ __ ] I'm not dead whenever you die can I had a bubble I want no money let let me get that deck off your back you know what and on the same token women are smooth and fellas women do fool around but the reason I were you caught because women playing stuff and with a lot of fools around the man lives across town and out of town tell us we mess with next-door neighbor coworkers wondering how she found now and one thing about a woman you'll never catch it if you do catch you you better believe somebody told cause one thing about a woman we may have a plan didn't have a back-up plan didn't have a back-up plan to black out the backup Hey women's [ __ ] is it all women I'm thinking why you sleep at night that's why you can go to bed and wake up at 3 in the morning look at your woman she's looking right at your hands [Applause] you'd be like dare you with the sleep it's like no I'm thinking my son women are smooth that's why I gotta have woman down with me when we got to be down with me and I mean down with me third that means if I go somewhere we together we get into a fight that mean we get into a fight I don't need your howling screaming I need you jabbing that [ __ ] cuz about getting my ass whupped when we get home you get your ass walk they're just hot goals you understand what I'm saying that's one thing about women they will help you to the car and nurse you back to health but in the back of mine you got your ass whooped and it might not come up to six months a year later but it don't come up because women don't forget [ __ ] you're her guitar going at home like girl I'll beat your ass in she like hold on hold on hold on you gonna whoop my ass but you couldn't beat that do dance at the club you'd be like girl shut up I had on my dress shoe but women on snowman but women crazy i'ma tell you something you know me naturally grow eyebrows I'm I live I live in LA now insulating necks told me take a razor right and she cut her eyebrow did she take this thing like a magic marker you know no say that she dropped something way up here round oh hey I walked outside I thought she says who I said huh she's honest unless I thought you did I turn around I said big Martin she said we're doing it I think we're doing that Oh stupid yaaaa right up there I run and fellas let me tell you something I must say this and I'm Amenas foreplay is very very important in a relationship I said for plane is very very important in a relationship and a lot of you brothers got foreplay mixed up you think for players something you do before six you think for players fill it on your girl licking on a day and making love to a gentleman this is not foreplay foreplay is mental it's done 24 hours a day dealing with your woman on a day to day basis and if you do this for play like I tell you to do it and when you do make love to her it won't take very long to come because mentally she's already there but you got to be consistent on a daily day basis for plinking meeting numerous of things this is a sign of foreplay if your woman take a shower walk past you naked captain a she gonna do number backup but you better stop if your woman in the kitchen cooking walking behind like you somebody else go hey baby you got a man she'll and [ __ ] your Lord you'll know to get some sport play it keeps peace in the home and fellas quit rejecting it one because when you reject your woman you leave room for another brother to get in there because it's the little things that women like this is rejection you're working on your call you like hey baby I'm working on a car I'm gonna run out of autozone I'll be right back she's like can I ride goddamn I'll be right back that's rejection you don't read you the rejection you need to approach that totally different you need to go at it like this hey baby I'm working on the car hey I'm running the Auto Zone you want to ride with me chewy like for real black matter of fact go ahead and try cuz I got all this all on me soon as you get on pesticide shoot male driver side singing we go on the other side because it's a little things women like and one thing I learned about a woman if a woman loved you she would do in it but you got to get it to that point a lot of your brother's not getting up to that part because you never born with your woman a lot of you brothers are not feeling me because you're dealing with four or five women and if you're dealing with four or five women I can show you four or five women that are lacking something because if you're doing the job right with one woman you won't have time but another goddamn are you hit you need to have your woman literally your woman should be crazy about you today as she was when she first met you your woman at home you need to call her she need to drop the phone ring hello [Music] it's my man how long Hey that's what your woman need to be I gotta have a woman to help me do anything I don't care what it is I don't care help me do it if I got to do a drive-by you better be down with I want her to do the shoot give me the pill psych up pull up pull up I got it I gotta have a woman that can help me steel raw beet the childhood system you know women know how to beat their Jocelyn system what but right down there I don't know where he is I just need some help soon as you get about 10,000 I just found it my god it's the unlike my credit my grandad where I'm from the South you know I'm saying so you know down the South you still get a whoopin when you 23 24 years old you know I'm talking about old people in play you know to me my granddad with type person he say something one time that's it that's where it go I remember one time back in 1969 I remember there I was a little bitty boy my other little drive his car without any insurance you know what I'm saying and he he saw me the driver comes to my granddad when I'm older [ __ ] them paying checked out with his they look here boy you'll need to drive that car unless you get some any chance my uncle lived off yo chill dude I'm grown torn through you though I Drive my car my brothers let me get to eating a potato pie then you tell me what you feel about that car I saw all by my friend anything to get his hands full man my granddad to beat my uncle to death you know my grandmother said nothing only reason I know she said something had to go to the bathroom by 12:00 at night and she was talking to him in the bedroom my grandma say you didn't have to hit him all in the head my friend every time he dropped that left eye jab the [ __ ] I you're not old mana we had to go by refrigerator one time like the same year we didn't know no other store but Sears my granddaddy walked in with my grandmama my girl said I'm gonna look at the refrigerator he said I don't care what you look at this the world we're getting right my girl so I don't I'm gonna look around and see it I found so he's I don't give a goddamn waited luck that's the one we get he said Bruce come on over here and sit down are we gonna be here quite a while you know old people can talk to each other without saying anything my grammar I'm walking through the store with the salesman he stopped at this refrigerator right here it's a new style it has a double door my brother looked at it look back at my granddaddy no I don't think we gonna get down you know which one we got don't you owe me and then play he's got some old people coming in hang on got a wool and in the wrong Steve hey your brother y'alright I'm not gonna bother you I'll try to find your seats you know I know how it is my y'all late man what happened huh been eat what you eat it you don't know where you don't want to turn me on to the spot give me be kidding me with either a chicken wing yeah we'll talk Laurel making your 10 weeks time I enjoy you better give me 50 and keep them cooking you give me chicken wings they're gonna be a fight or let's say turkey wing inside the other selling thing and I hate skinning people man I do me I gotta close it on gang no way be all in front of me with a Cinnabon you can't eat this you know I've been trying to work out in there man I got a trainer he want them tight brothers don't think nobody supposed to be fat give me one more you get one more I'm tired I want some meat want you to get up me oatmeal early in the morning who want to eat oatmeal but you behavior some eggs and grits and my full piece of that raisin toast if any that raisin toast some [ __ ] in my night raisins oh oh my god I had to walk past in the stove my club I'm on psycho ji came my mother like girl man but my mama is real real to face anybody mama like that my mama to face we gonna be sitting outside she be talking my phone look at her she's selling dope over there hey baby I said mommy you just said shut your damn now i'ma tell you I don't know how you feel about our BT blimey hosted by the show's number one last year and [Applause] so by us being number one you know they gave me to repeat another year so I'd be hosting again [Applause] so you all better get ready you know what I'm saying the lumbar I'm getting stupid but it just remind myself he'll go to the mall and get me getting away food in the food web you don't come out on the toothpick I won't panting lady one time about 12 times make your faces like I'm somebody else I've got there she said you've been right here giving it down let me get my cigarette out y'all slow Syria I don't smoke with my alpha dude oh yo y'all house anything hell on the bosses draw was a t-shirt he comes to the door syrupy moving hey how you doing how your mom doing hundred a but don't Lucy huntin take on something like it but are you doing on the job and everything oh how you in I've been doing all right you know he was gonna be smoking I'll get him sir if Lord he wanted here dang one goddamn summer get [ __ ] man I had all he's a coffee and inshallah he tried to get it all out his stomach it was totally different it was no call light [ __ ] said hey what's wrong with you you are you Marie how you doing baby everything all right she is still talking I'm not talking you I'm talking to your girl she's dear I'm gonna be saying that look at this brother shirt you put yourself all the way in the garbage gang baby but it looks good on you ain't never see the muscle shirt was slack in it damn you must about that before you start working out me the only way only with somebody rate the hair everybody gonna play rescue we with you and the grant - blessings all right that's what old people say wife is something wrong with you bless you holiday you'll be in church time I got a ugly baby your grandma mwah from the way is that your baby bless his heart that mean that baby is [ __ ] up cuz everybody child and I cute somebody got some uh gorillas in the house yeah I said I'll show your picture right there this your been real but he lives hell I get there leave the old player right now didn't get into what do you do do do do do do do do why don't don't dude What's Up player everything all right easy yeah everything cool [Music] and I'm tired of old people I'm tired of old people say what they want to say that's hurting I feel as if walking off and you know you talk as a child opers and say something to you you don't talk back but now I am an adult I let they ass I'm taking you say suddenly and hurt my feeling I got something for you I'm in church son I suppose only that's hey man how you doing she said hey baby how big you go get I say [ __ ] I owe you over here she got man you're fat [ __ ] y'all [ __ ] we in church Lee I give a little sad they gonna have me to take a home take me hold on fat ass boy I said we'll get over there to call your old [ __ ] we are going all the way home you know hey hey that's a stupid [ __ ] be the only dog in the charity oh my god I'm still as well by the way I got a cousin here a little bit bigger than me right yeah here big dude real he went about a 1999 Ford Escort became how little is Sonny that's his [ __ ] when was it he's not gonna front you get in the back I said god damn it let's ride we got a c-collar like and full of be made by man lot of leaving that job pull these photos about sexy I'll get out our 650 I'll Drive all that to my paperwork driver [ __ ] jungle beat yo season my so big when they eat maybe humming you know talk about losing all you need restaurant in like I didn't either gave out of breath man you are yell straight you know you being when you are gonna wrestle around and cook take a deep breath my clothes we wore the restaurant he looked at us he's Haley come out the back he gonna bleed and [ __ ] oh my god I'm stupid as well I mean you ever know the stuff by people that people don't know this man like I got a pilot he always shaking here when he talk to you big [ __ ] named Jim what's happened to Jimmy [ __ ] ain't that bad once Carla what's on your head [ __ ] ain't never away he do the [ __ ] so much I start doing nothing so what the [ __ ] going on he's wrong with your head I say no tell your mom I said thank you are you doing brother tall brother everything all right scared us am i ugly I know you go that bad you got everybody beat help now I got one like that that walk is in the old school player right now skin my hair then the world tried to fight you right now come on you young nibble how you doing sir ma'am how's everything don't flip out now well you fall I laugh in your face that's good huh is that your awesome do you know him man but y'all riding together yeah I understand he be getting out I can tell him used to getting out blessings holy balls the Lord just don't you see I've done me in this dog that's y'all for real I thought you were playing I'm sorry oh I will finger wet his ass out here man I'm sorry player I didn't mean to message off I don't get mad leave all go alone you're all so cool that's your dad that's your son over now but that's it right over that's all right baby that's all right too big I ain't seen my dad in Tennessee here and when I see him i'ma beat that goddamn [ __ ] I did i'ma sit down and talk to it but I'm aware that hands at first but long as you still got your damn man that ain't number the blessing you know what I'm sayin and Louisville watch out all right got dad over there you are right down y'all right I like them old player they change so I'm looking to change something when I tell you to got there do something you know my old man all we get that twist when I tell you the [ __ ] due time let me shout sir you'll go to Walmart by 3:00 in the morning it'll be like 12 people in the store and you'll be on our twelve and then somebody come on the microphone security I swear so then you go to our 13 they'd be like security our 13 that's right I'm watching me live mother and if you are a mall security you are not a real police y'all they are too serious about their love money you don't know saying baby on all got a [ __ ] stealing they go stealing he's stealing I got him right here in the food court he's still it what's up players y'all right keep it our way in the game everything I hate myself and when love you I'm saying that's we have to speak them young news good [ __ ] got some fun you hit me then come to closer to the suburban [ __ ] we got some play I'm real night hunting what's up brother ain't never love you know nothing they get you outside come on a win you see what help out on the club and they'll ever do say hey move that goddamn car honey where you want me to put it young boys don't play you hear me it ain't like our world we talked in fight them y'all gonna shooting right out look up the hill or the jalapeño [Applause] how you all doing this evening everything I'm right tall brother how you doing man I used to be your height I came anyway that [ __ ] come on down better watch yourself cuz I people never know what I do every time I be on the flat why people always wonder what I do you know I'm sexy everybody be speaking so it when they don't know I tell them anything if I was speaking to me on one flight this guy leaned over he say but I don't mean to get in your business but everybody speaking to you so you got to be somebody and I look at him I said you all know whammies it go I said a male stripper he say you bullshitting I said no he said what's your stage name I say stretch morrow [Applause] but I got a g-strain the size of a jump rope party people [Music] Digby all on the floor of course I'm laying down day he is a general he's looking for a seat with the loose muscle shirt that is a collector's item you need to frame it and put it in your living room think about one shot in each glass Bliss is how hot she gonna get a little bulls and cousins aunts out do you see all the colors of that shirt but you need your answer well I've known your man but they let you can do about it you did it by yourself player then the catcher's you buy one [ __ ] you're falling low free did you see that [ __ ] would you demote that player they of all Koreans talked you clever I got true for you you go to comedy show come on my brother ah you like oh hey yeah hey yeah you know I brought a backup you shouldn't look at motors a hey or nah now I'm just kidding player but it looks good on you I would wear that [ __ ] nowhere but you're a brave man why y'all and let me I'm going through some [ __ ] I'll run through this area like that real you like a planner let me look down at one no time you'll be outside sitting in clutch on my fat [ __ ] fat [ __ ] I'm looking over that one more time that's all they can see if I be a fat [ __ ] that's it people kill me fat [ __ ] and people they don't like fat people quit calling us fat [ __ ] cuz that don't bother us you understand what I'm saying let it calm that other day you're fat [ __ ] I don't give her there you want to make me man you tell me Popeye chicken going out of bed [ __ ] I set this the 800 well Popeyes some seared my [ __ ] I eat about 27 pieces of give me 27 pieces out there you'd have you looking at the menu Twitter selling PC goddamn walking back yeah 27 please and Christmas cream done under make you wreck your damn car wallet oh my god you'll be riding over that hot like hello you running give me six of them bling give me six of them gray then the ladies say something like then you can get six low for a dollar you'd be like you would [ __ ] don't put him in a park attack what supper club you all right got my colors right down the end right I raise your hand close you know with you got there that's my cuz I all big me and related to me y'all women taught my little narrow [ __ ] big [ __ ] the one with the flow is you little [ __ ] it when they got to go and then wrong when big is in now long you take care yourself nephew spending like a young bad don't running for no girl and if your breath stank kids will tell you first hold it you be like hey look girls oh if that's your breath smell like that my mama said with your breath smell right there you got a lot of [ __ ] on your mind you know somebody Brown breviary so bad you can see the words coming out their mouth you'd be sending out talking yeah I see what you're talking about you start moving here why you moving I see somebody behind you oh my god who this girl strapped like a German Tony's Ural tell your mama I see it thank you girl I break your back in three different places by the kitchen by the bathroom than by the garage though see women like to be handled and that's what you brother got to learn how to do that's why I like an older woman because the older woman and then she's an experienced woman so I like a woman when I look at her I'll be like look I'm a ten and a heads up and she looked back at me and say I'm a tear that ass up then I get scared for real women like to be handle man and fellas you know the summertime is here and if you're gonna wear sandals please get your feet done it don't mean you know pump enough that mean get that hard [ __ ] rubbed off your feet I bet you right now y'all brother sleeping in socks cuz your feet like bricks hit your girl called leg came out she got better Christ's sake get out to being someone cut down the leg bed what's wrong baby I don't know what it is got the bed you know your feet bad when you ball barefooted on carpet you picked the carpet up like we're rolling it Road I believe in them stinky ass feet uh-oh I come a little bitty boy man what's up baby hey y'all watch uncle he can fight real good he's a little pill that's one of my natural partners right there what's up man well oh man y'all ever go to the soul surface that's one of my main man the soul the black circles they be flippin everything I saw a [ __ ] pick up an elephant and carrying her across the room you know that how you being brother it's good to see you I love to you man that's a very good friend of mine man I wrote that joke a little bit of black man for him that [ __ ] can fight right now I'm telling you you grab him you in trouble he's a ninja [ __ ] throw a smoke bomb and be in the lobby come if you bless maybe you're doing all right you know what I'm saying so whenever is coming from up above you is alright babe I am so y'all I rant did I look back down here ain't playing you think I'm gonna start on this end you think I'm booting so you all have a suffer because they not laugh to church systems right here praise God how you doing hallelujah you may be used to go to church your mama in hand on mine and she just touched the tray remember that your trick come by your mama say praise God you like mommy you didn't put them on that show goddamn your mother's a closeted in church shut your damn mouth you arriving like over look I tried to go buy me a a muscle shirt right I went to the Korean store I said look I want to get me a muscle sure she did went off no no you don't need a muscle shirt someone should tell me when I need you need a sumo wrestler Oh suck it suck it now don't worry about it I just like looking at you and again the wrong gacho matter Jesus that's how the mold [ __ ] coming let me do something for you lard you're not a moaning a lord how much is [ __ ] how your mama doing everything I'm not I don't know what it is it got to be in the water what these girl eat man he gone huh oh hi y'all [Applause] 4-part Ohio huh young town Youngstown Ohio is I thought it was I thought Cleveland with the spot [Applause] [Music] let me [ __ ] out four stars I'd say New York [ __ ] go crazy I'm from the lowdown Dirty South I'm from the ATL I'm from Atlanta Georgia yeah her brother get shot and steals this step cross his ass in the club they do working the camera in man hey what's going on dude I like white people man they just pay on time and everything white person write your check you can take it to the bank in the morning brother write your check you gonna post day the next Friday look you straight and I say if you're going on 30 the money won't be there why people fight your ass from a job and still be smiling you hear me this why they tell me I'm sorry I gotta let you go if you need to get represent again ha ha ha I say reference you don't think about blowing smoke up white people different they say things different black people say butt naked am i right something having the neighborhood wife put her husband outside naked police car and some black person what happened man she put my door he will but [ __ ] what if it was switching there was a white version what happened I don't I couldn't believe it when I saw it not begging when she put them outside that song be too stark naked what is stark naked do you know why people say start what is stark but you know one thing man one thing about black people if you go into a black Club and a white person coming there black people don't say nothing cause black people don't care closing like all the problem Yuri the club now hey man why do you walk then brush it yourself I'm saying but if it was flip a brother walking a redneck bar hold the music's stopped you walk another [ __ ] dddddd god damn it who let you in here why people just do things differently that's the brothers he's drunk he got high man you drunk man I'm [ __ ] huh that's a black word in my life that's why I got you drunk jock Rakuten breath who the [ __ ] is cooter brown I like white people don't man I'm taking a cool but you know since it's 9/11 thing man this [ __ ] is crazy you know now I do a lot of flying so in the apples they do all type of random searches they could just walk up to you I need to search your bag right so I flew here from LA and this lady on loud taught me can I search your bag I said yes ma'am she'll look at my bag and say this what you doing with all these sir away Sam I say because I get hunger between flights then she got real loud 26 subways I said 26 it's gonna be 28 later than beat me our to sell them hey you know right after that happened I had to fly from DC back to LA right by two weeks after that right so I'm coming through DC and I'll get rid of walk to security they got an Arab dude doing security we're determined on an everything I got rid of walk blessing who hold the [ __ ] up oh he said come on throw us a held our butts man what time you get off easy two o'clock I said what day he say we that's how I let you Thursday you know he gonna let it boys go back don't try to build me you know Sam ain't fly with them so hijack a plane with a female with a grazie she lose some black people now that plane when I went down I'd hit it with everything I had and boy Peter fell you hear man and you know what you got to have a lot of power to talk a man and to flying a plane into the World Trade Center and not go with him that's power it could be no brother he like I did his World Trade Center brother like he ain't going with me we might fly by the anyway cuz I think bin Laden is very selfish I think he could've did something else in other doors something hurting all and killing all these people I think he could have waited to my 6:30 or 7:00 and hit that equifax building and cleared everything accredit in here we have in hand Cadillac trucks excursion looking at new houses research a bit lucky your selfish [ __ ] I'll tell your rap here we got some lists of credit okay what are you here to run that car do we call on Jesus father God in the name of Jesus me like our coffee in the name hallelujah thank you Jesus go back in the dating just got that quick quick you move there then checking another computer tell everything now you know I'm just keeping it real I don't have an ending joke ladies and gentlemen because I don't tell jokes I tell real life stories and make them funny so when I get to performing on stage I just walk off like most comedians have any Joe be like peace oh I'm outta here I'm gonna do that because I don't tell jokes so when I get to before I just get the [ __ ] [Applause] you [Music] [Music]

Channel: TheSupremeLegendary

Views: 9,119,525

Rating: 4.6782866 out of 5

Keywords: Comedy

Id: SfoJ7qqzhHk

Length: 49min 54sec (2994 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 05 2015