My name is Alec Hooper from Los Angeles, California and Tell me why events the show this year. I just want to inspire the world through happiness positivity and comedy Oh, Alex we'll look you've got about two minutes. So good luck. Thank you Before I begin I'd like to acknowledge your host Tyra Banks Tyro I truly admire your courage It must be so difficult to host a show like this and still find a way to make it about you Somebody get his ass. Oh That was just an appetizer Howie Mandel yes a Canadian Judging America's Got Talent. What happened? Did they already find all three talented Canadians? I'm so glad you're here. I've always wanted to know what a big toe would look like if it were a person With Bobby's world let's move on to spice world. That'll be Scary spice. Hey, the only thing scary about you is your solo career Heidi klum, you are Magical for children and that your body looks as though you haven't paid attention to any of them Hi dear, you are a natural beauty. Why does it look like your face went through a sephora? Sample sale? Oh my god I want any what you're gonna say Oh getting to him, don't you? Simon I'm confused didn't we form this country to get away from Brits like you? But Simon from all of us thank you for fixing your British teeth those things are so straight and white They were just offered positions and Trump's cabinet Good evening. Good evening. What's your name? I'm Mickey Mickey. Yeah, where you from darling? I'm from the beautiful city of Leeds How old do you Mickey I'm 36, do you have a day job or is this your full-time job? I am a part-time primary school teacher Enjoying your food Yeah, you've gotta wait The stage is yours Mickey go for it. Thank you very much Cheers This is called the absolutely amazing song. Yes About travelling around Europe. Oh that rhymes Like I'm after Paris in a Yaris this next song I Know this is supposed to be a comedy routine, but I've I've suffered loss recently So I just want to get this off my chest I am Joey I'll play the song said I've got a bit emotional talking about it. I Can't believe I've lost you I Can't believe you've gone I Need you to know that You did nothing wrong First time I saw you Just hang in there the checkout lady said you want to buy one of these and I said You were my Prize You cussed almost 10 pence and I only you still try The other bags I use compared to you wash luck I always feel that the handle strap is gonna Happen to you as well Thank you very much Well done Mickey Simon, what did you make of that it was silly, but it was fun I liked the first song in particular Oh Thank You Simon the quick one, but very very very funny very observational and I was particularly choked up but the beggar Feliciano it's all for my controller. What was really funny was seeing him and having explained to Simon what bad polite 1981 I got it in the end You don't need me to tell you how funny I do watch Allah You are brilliantly brilliantly funny and if you carry on like this I can see even the final of Britain's Got Talent And I'd love to hear more from you Mickey it's a yes for me Love you, it's a yes from me my girl You know what unlike some acts who are kind of like not funny then are funny you are always funny Even at my expense so you've got a yes Hello Simon, we really really enjoyed your first audition of all the comedians we had you were the one I remembered now I know you nervous what's going through your head? Well, you know, just hope the jokes turn out good. The audience likes it There's four dollars in it for every one of you who laughs Talia Vicki I always ask this question million dollars, what would you do with the money? I'd buy a trailer in Malibu so I could be closer to you That's a good outside. Okay. Well can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. Good luck. Thank you so much Thank you so much I got a new outfit do you like it? Thank you feel like it. Thank you Thank you. I shop local I did I found this at the hospice thrift store of Beverly Hills Thank you. My daughter is like mom, that'd sound grounds Hospice. Yeah, what if somebody died in it? At least she died sexy I mean, I'm kind of clueless, you know, but it seems to me kids today are a little bit entitled. Am I right, right? Okay So my daughter turns 16 and she says mom, I want to go to Coachella and I want you to get me a hotel room Listen to yourself a hotel room. I mean if you can't find a guy who can afford a van by now When I grew up my mom and her friends, they partied 24/7, you know, they always Always brought flasks on field trips. Okay, right. So I go on my daughter's first field trip I take my flask, right? I'm not gonna get on a bus full of first grader sober not not ever. Okay, I Take on my flask, you know a little sip And all the other field trip moms. They just go ballistic. They're like, she's got a flat. She's got a class You know like I'm some kind of terrorist, right? Will it calm down beyond? I'm not driving this bus But I feel bad few young moms, I wouldn't want to be a young mom today not for anything The pressure is unbelievable, right? You got to teach your baby to read Baby sing today what your stupid little baby read? My baby to read I don't want my baby crawling around going what's past do Shut up baby your little baby face Thank you guys for dollars everybody well Vicki Okay, Olivia first time you saw Vicki. What do you think? I love you so much You talk the way that like my friends and I talk and They're so funny. And I just want to say you shut your little baby face gay everybody Hello And who and who you I'm Jeff Robinson. I am 33 I'm from North London as what do you do as a day job? So I'm trying to be a full-time performer, but during the week I work with kids that have special needs Great Tell me why he decided to enter Britain's Got Talent I've wanted to enter for a few years now, but I've always chickens out But quite a lot has changed for me in the last year So it was happened Oh fun things like moving house getting divorced, you know good things What's the axe you're gonna do today, you're gonna be doing some impressions Okay, well good luck, I'm so nervous it's stupid deep breath deep Hope names don't get the better up hooks is good Go single Good Simon mrs. O has a fabulous new game You have to choose between me Katherine Jenkins Wow, oh you'll be in it We've got a big food food fight for the club boy. You've gotta Please wouldn't recognize me boys Good evening. What's your name? My name is Samuel Jake AMRO. I'm a stand-up comedian I've been doing comedy for 10 years. Now. Do you do it full-time? Yeah do it full-time Okay Are you nervous? No, I I have Tourette syndrome. So I switch the lab I'm blink real fast my head flops around if you see that it's kind of cute Thank you What does this mean to you coming to AGT now this means everything I've worked my entire life for a moment like this They don't come very often. I'm really grateful I just had a baby girl and this is a beautiful opportunity Wow, and your family is all supportive of this career Yes, since I started they've been 100% behind me. So very Well, you know what it's scary enough doing whatever you do to hit that X and I just want the best for you I really do. Thanks so much. Go ahead Thank you It's like I said, I have Tourette syndrome, it's while my hair flops around I blink real fast it's weird It always looks like I'm trying to tell you a secret This twitch gets me in trouble. My roommate came home from work I was like, doh our neighbor died He said did you kill him like nah Yo, this is a true story when I was 10 years old my parents sent me to tourettes camp Yeah, that's where the joke should end It's a real place and I didn't realize it till this moment But I found out that when other people twitch it makes me twitch more So on the first day they put us in a circle with a hundred kids The kid next to me did a shoulder roll and my Tourette's saw that and took that as a challenge And I threw him a head flop The girl next to him did a full body twitch and everybody saw that in all hell broke loose Kids were rolling on the ground. I was in the corner like why they send us here our Parents were on top of a hill like all their breakdancing I'm saying your J camera. Thank you Hello, my name is Robert III I just turned 30 11 years ago, so If it's your job would you have a normal job? Um, I teach tiny little primary school channel to music as well So I do that which isn't this Okay best of luck Alright so um face basically I've written a song Specifically for for you, which makes me nervous and also I'm slightly nervous because got something called dyslexia Which is it, which was very good for music because when I was young I taught myself the piano Although it's not so good as I'm older. I recently tried to book tickets for Rihanna my book tickets for Ryanair. Um, Thank you, I've got something called Asperger syndrome, which means I'm a genius No, it's nice to be here I've had a bit of a rough week I've actually moved into a flat with was my boyfriend your boyfriend gay And and autistic two ways. I can't think straight and I Usually when I do clubs I swear a lot so I've got to be PC I've done the song which is literally be see because it's about computers and I have done it three times and each time people have laughed. So if you don't you're wrong, okay? Thank you George for me working in a computer talk I Work in the computer shop maker Kabuto bright and clean So much crumbs and vomit and don't ask what's on the screen I do half the work juts double the time you would want a job like mine if you would find the things I find cleaning of Microsoft Windows David Walliams wanted to update his content reminder. He brought me a massive ring binder, but when I looked all the contacts were from brighter Webcam was another case. She said the picture Was too lovely her face was too lovely Amanda Holden was the only one who's in scrum was on the mark. She said her outfits have so much spunk I said I'm just jealous. I'll never dress like you because I don't Simon Cowell's Facebook was round the bend. He brought it to me to try to mend. It wasn't broken. It's just got no Oh Oh Rubber I love you Wow I mean everything you said was hilarious. You're just a beautiful soul comedy flows from you like water I lovely had a go at us all I think some people were more hurt than others Some was just entirely truthful That's I just can't wait to see what you're gonna do next We start to finish that was hilariously funny you're a shining star We're very self-deprecating and I think you have funny bones and the audition was fabulous Robert you know what you're very unique you very quirky very funny very naughty Robert which we like I'm saying yes rubber white you go for yes to coagulate Hello, hey Doc, what's your name, please? My name is Preeti Lawson. I love that and how are you? I'm 25, I turned 26 in two hours Are you single married? I have a girlfriend you have a girlfriend she's dope. Yeah and What do you do for a living? I'm a stand-up comedian, which means I'm unemployed and I do stand-up on the side All right best of luck, right? I Got a motorcycle I don't like telling people I have a motorcycle coz every time I tell someone they always got to tell me a story About how the friends crashed on a motorcycle, you know, like why do people have to be so negative? I don't go up to pregnant women telling them my dad left So annoying so annoying I walked at my apartment one time right? I walked in my apartment and my neighbor walked up to me She's like, oh my god. You got a motorcycle. Are you Cyrus? Are you sorry you better be careful I got in a car wreck the other day. My car flipped eight times. I'm looking to be laughs bliss She black by the way This is like, you know those that is crazy that's your car flip eight times you alive You are blessed, you know, and now I'm over here thinking who the heck counted right like Who's that calm when their cars flipping in? My name is Chris, thank you so much. I appreciate it. How's that? Feature can I have just one more joke? Aha All right. I don't feel safe driving with my grandma because she's really spiritual She loved the Lord to the point where she's not afraid of dying, so I don't like that. All right, I Don't like being in the car with someone that's not afraid of death Okay, like hey, she got that attitude like it's top down going to heaven so I don't battle I'm like, it doesn't matter cuz I'm gonna talk, okay This that spiritual my crown is if I got shot in the chest with a gun eight times instead of calling the ambulance She would get on her knees praying like please Lord Jesus I get these demons I sign my grandbaby stress block that borders rise up and by the way sperm is chest black mode to do the Ramseys Is Leo John 3:16 Hello, my name is Lee and for obvious reasons, I'm also known as the lost voice guy Okay, and how long have you lost your voice? I? Just knew you were going to ask something that I hadn't thought about beforehand So, please excuse the awkward silence while I type out my answer I've been speechless for 37 years. Well, tell me why you decide when to the show the ship I think I entered Britain's Got Talent for the same reason everyone does to meet Ant & Dec this Is all going so well up until that point the stage League is yours Hello ladies and gentlemen as You may be able to tell I'm a struggling stand-up comedian who also struggles to stand up To be honest, I'm not sure how good I am I'll leave that for you to decide But just so you know if you don't laugh but the disabled guy you are going to help Well, I realized I'd never be able to talk again I was speechless I Have lived in Newcastle all my life Yes, but for some reason I still hadn't picked up the accent. I Can see that some of you are trying to figure out where you know me from Maybe it would help if I started saying phrases such as the next train to arrive on this world And from my time at the post office, please go to cashier number later I Got the train here today, I Always like to sit in those seats for disabled people. I Was about halfway here when another disabled person got on and asked me to move. I Didn't realize I'd be playing disabled Top Trumps when I got on or I would have dressed more special Needless to say I didn't give up my seat Who cares if he was both blind and deaf I? Was there first? It was very awkward. He couldn't see that I was still there and I couldn't tell him I wasn't moving because I can't speak Before I leave you I have one more thing to say I Hate that we have so many politically correct words to describe Disabled people now It's all special needs special schools special olympics, I Don't know. What is so special about me That is white always alarms me when I hear about special forces going to war You've been a fantastic audience Goodbye Hi Hi, welcome to America's Got Talent Thank you. How are you feeling today? I'm Okay Okay, what's your name? And where you from? I'm Oliver graves and I'm from Santa Rosa, California how do you I'm 32 and What are you gonna be doing for us? I am a stand-up comedian Is that what you do? Yeah Are you in a relationship or married? um No, I'm not I'm single all I think this guy is perfect for you. I Think we should just that Oliver do what he's gonna do. Okay go for it They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day well not if you're poisoned Then the antidote becomes the most important meal I'm trying to find the woman of my dreams, but it's a struggle because I'm an insomniac I Tried online dating under be people that say must love dogs. I didn't understand why Like I want to love a person But it all made sense once I looked at the faces of the people that were saying that Dating is really hard for me like compatibility wise like like I'm a Virgo so that means Yeah That means I'm only compatible with people that are really naive and believe in horoscopes. I Traded in my car to get my interest rates lowered it worked women are less interested in me. I Once had my identity stolen It's okay they gave it right back Thank you You're so different you're humble and real and dark is everything that I absolutely love From the moment, you walked out your visual your your and your cadence and everything and you're smart and you're bright I think you didn't get the reaction you expected. So you're not used to this for you know, that is that what you're crying. I Don't get booked in a lot of shows You know enjoy your free time right now because you are gonna be a busy man Well, although We have had A lot of stand-up comedians this year now when I look back and I try and remember them all they all blur into one type apart from you I'm gonna kick this off with your first. Yes, brother. Thank you I'm giving you your second. Yes For years congratulate I know it's funny. It was funny. I love them. I like the below I Know I'm not what everything they're saying. I'm not the It's teacher pillow Hello hello, hi, you look happy I'm quite delighted At what's your name? It's my name is de Lisa de lis search upon that Amazing Malawi and name Malawi. Yes, so I'm from alive, but I live in Manchester. Why have you come on Britain Scott? I've come to make the people laugh. I am a comedian. I Would love the winner of Britain's Got Talent this year to be a comedian. Oh, no pressure no pressure Who are you here with so I'm here just alone I my brother no, no he wanted to come he's a doctor and he was like either I should save lives or come with you Well, your parents disappointed that one of you was a comedian one of you was a doctor they were absolutely horrified because I was studying Computer programming so I had a future Okay, excellent Well, I'm at that age now all my friends are getting married and married people forget how horrible it is being single They love to call me and complain about their company problems. Always get you're so lucky being single I get home My wife just starts nagging nag nag nag up. Like I have to nag myself. I Get home like what time do I call this? Why don't I ever do the dishes Sometimes I think I don't appreciate myself I Haven't always been a comedian. I did some weird jobs. I used to clean houses and I'll admit I was tempted to steal I Didn't steal cook the Bible says thou shalt not steal. But nowhere does it say thou shalt not swap? I took a stereo left a Walkman took a plasma screen left an etch-a-sketch As I mentioned I am from Africa I moved here ten years ago and immediately I moved here I heard a lot of British people talking about the Financial crisis the recession. I'm from Africa. What are you maniacs talking about? You call that a crisis if that's a crisis. Where's UNICEF? Where is Bono I've not seen one save the UK concert You can tell me it's a financial crisis when their planes flying over Birmingham tossing fish and chips out the window It will be in a financial crisis when their ads on television Saying this chap has to walk five miles of there To get a bottle of wkd blue And 100% you have got a financial crisis when India starts opening call centres here Can you imagine some pro guide Mumbai calls Bank ends up talking to a bra me Thank you so much Right I Just want to say I think you're bloody hilarious Thank you self-deprecating funny relevance, I mean laughs after laughs after laughs It just kept on coming and I really want you to win the entire Syria I think you have a golden future. I think so buddy. I'm shocked and delighted My face is hurting from laughing I'm so pleased that a man depressed our golden buzzer Whew, you are brilliant, and I cannot wait to hear more from you. We're done You should be a comedy superstar all the jokes were really original and You are incredibly likeable. I couldn't fault it well done No need do I think you're an undiscovered all-star I could see you owning your own show If what you did was so funny and naughty Unique this is why we make shows like this to find people like you Oh
