Jack Frost (1997) KILL COUNT

Welcome to the killcount where we tally up the victims at all our favorite horror movies I'm James a Jenice and today we're looking at Jack Frost the 1997 killer snowman movie often confused with the 1998 Michael Keaton flick now when I hear killer snowman movie I've been great that sounds like a damn good time Unfortunately Jack Frost is not instead of watching a snowman killed people we watched people die in choppy close-ups while the real cheap snowman costume stands completely still most of the time It's on camera the plots not much better either since it's just a carbon copy of child's play with a deceased criminal swearing revenge on The cop who put him down and coming back as an unlikely killer Then you have the most infamous scene of the movie Which is problematic AF all of Jack's crappy one-liners and a big heap of boring towns folk stuff okay obviously? I'm not a big fan in this movie, but at least there are a decent number of kills So I'll stop whining and just get to him already The movie begins with a credit sequence on a Christmas tree and a voiceover explaining Jack's backstory this narration goes on for ever And is framed as an uncle telling his niece about the murderous Jack Frost was still just a regular human in the story doesn't help That the niece is obviously a grown-ass woman just doing a Rugrats voice How should I know it finally ends with the uncle saying Jack's on his way to be executed that very night and he ain't lyin there's a truck with jack in the back driving through a snowstorm to make it in time to the executioner's ball Jack's this Robbie rotten looking son of a bitch and his trip to the chair takes them straight through the same place and Screwed up and got caught snowman in the Snowman capital of the Midwest Great place to start us off on the kill count since Jack somehow manages to steal a cig from the guard in the back with Him, and then breaks his neck with his boot for good measure a guy made for one shitty prison guard But he's a decent human ashtray at least the weather conditions Eventually lead to a head-on collision with a genetic research truck that upsets everyone except for Jack Yeah, oh, yeah During this tumble dry of a crash Jack leaps out of the truck to freedom driver wakes up in the cab with his buddy's legs Over him, but I won't count that as a kill cuz that dude might just be passed out. I'm like Jack Who's awake as ever and ready to get his murder on too bad for him the genetic research truck they collided with blows a gasket and covers Jack with How no genetic research liquid it does a real number on melting his skin and giving him some nasty boils as the prison truck driver? Looks on all befuddled. I will go ahead and count This as a damn same as I did with Charles Lee ray in child's play as we watch Jack collapse and quote-unquote Disappear into the ground you guys couldn't do better than a couple of crappy Dissolves an animated sequence fuckkkkk straight out of rank and Bosch shows some kind of genetic fuckery going on and when it's all said and done Something rises from the snow that leads the prison van driver with an itchy trigger finger pretty spooky Let's meet the guy who put old Jack away sheriff Sam Tyler his wife Eileen is trying to make him feel better since it's midnight, and that should mean Jack's a dead man But Sam can't help flashing back to the time He caught a much more Will Forte looking Jack Frost on the side of the road after his arrest and conviction Jack screamed a threat at sam pledging to track him down and kill him "I'll find a way!" No matter what! that's my brand or the Tyler's and their pissant son Ryan come across the truck accident Which has been taken over by the feds specifically FBI agent manners. Who's just not that into holding ham Sorry driver guy the next day over breakfast Eileen gives Sam an awkward hero Kiss and messy-ass Ryan makes him look at oatmeal snack for Sam. Yeah, just get it on that bad I'm sure it's great energy food for the snowman-building contest Going on at the corner of quaint Street and small-town Boulevard everyone in towns excited for this thing including Jake and Sally a married couple That's basically just the bunkers with the grouchy husband And it's his wife their daughter Jill played by Shannon Elizabeth and her first ever role and their son Billy was basically a mute in This scene but winds up being a bully later on there's also Tommy who makes snow ladies with boobs out of potato flakes and has a halfway decent snowman Joe Snowmen and snow in it it's snowballs finally the last town's person we meet here is Tommy's dad Paul played by not John Ratzenberger dudes a real cock watch Yo, your son's talking to Shannon Elizabeth let him be dawg Sam goes to work Where's chimney stack Secretary Marla gives him a note that says somebody died it's old, man hapa frozen in a rocking chair Sam and his deputies Joe and Chris look at the body in the directors favorite shot three guys staring at something in the foreground they Can't figure out how he died so Sam calls manners up in the bedroom He's decorated like an FBI office to make sure that Jack Frost is really dead Oh yeah, Sheriff Jack Frost did indeed die in the accident, then I can assure you well That's a goddamn lie as we find out when manners talks to fellow agents tone who you would get if you put fresh batteries in Stephen Miller don't talks about how great it is that his genetic research liquid appears to have worked It's just a shame that your NEP had to be a homicidal maniac like Jack Frost yeah That sucks Eileen gets home to find a big old naked face snowman in her driveway, but when she asked Ryan about it He says the only snowman he's made are in the form of more shitty cookies She gives him some carrots to give the snowman a face and he runs outside with gusto leaving her to clean up his goddamn mess What a shit burger and apparently he and his center part can't even manage Decorating a snowman without a guy in the form of an oven mitt. It's not that hard kid eventually He passes this Mensa test and voila. We've got ourselves a snowman. We're not here for any old snowman We signed up for a killer snowman so it's a good thing that snow mansions premiere garage rock band Billy and the bully's show up and start harassing Ryan pretty ballsy of Billy to bully the sheriff's kid right outside his own goddamn house but man does he pay for it because after knocking off Jack's head the killer snowman gets pissed and pushes Billy down straight into the path of an oncoming slider the sled decapitate Billy Sending his head flying through the air and while it's a decent kill on paper in practice that leaves a lot to be desired It's not too difficult to toss a fake head through the air Thanks, Calvin Billy's dad cowboy Archie Bunker yells at his wife in the sheriff and turn blaming Ryan for Billy's death meaning just like in child's play the kids getting blamed for the unlikely killers murder of course This kid doesn't even register on the Andy Barclay scale of cuteness that night Eileen prepares dinner And what the hell is this whole town on the Bugs Bunny diet. They're just carrots everywhere well She's being wascally Sam reviews some of the poorly crafted love letters that Jack apparently left him I'm not really sure what the point of cutout Magazine letters is when he freakin signed the note with your name But whatever man Billy's dead Jake is having an equally shitty night snapping at his wife and grabbing his daughter by the arm Just a tad too hard there Dean Jill rebellious Lea says that she's going to see Tommy and does a nice dramatic turn to exit the seat when Jake goes outside for a few Cokes on his Christmas pipe Jack Frost is there and starts talking to her how about a smoke now? This is real dumb to me because apparently Jake can hear him But can't tell the voices coming from the Snowman right and fuck in front of it No time to think about though cuz Jack steals Jake's axe and rams it down his throat handle first, man Remember when girls were girls and men were men not snowmen those were the days Oh also from this point onward We could Jack's one-liners at a pretty steady rate, but just like turkeys these jokes leave a lot to be desired I don't mean Mac's gibberish smoke. Yeah, apparently not every killer has gone to the Freddy Krueger school of comedy now It's time for a mean-spirited kill since this whore put-upon housewife Is about to get got by Jack puddles his way into her house and then appears behind her but God forbid we see that fucking snowman costume move instead is just more close-up cutaways as Jack ties up Sally and Christmas lights to some inexplicable luau music He gives her a face full of ornaments like a couple of times and then kind of Crucifies her against the tree complete with a blinking star on top Her body is later found by the snow mminton police force and their trademark shot Crowding around and looking into the camera Sam gets back to the station to find agents manners and stone just chillin they butt heads over Your usual small town police vs. Big time feds stuff and Sam loses authority on the case mainly cases being taken out of my hands it was never in them sheriff in another triple deed shot stone sticks a bright light into a puddle and After sam leaves the room spouts off some science bullshit about how Jack Frost can melt and freeze at will which is how he Alex? Backed his way into the house to kill Sally with all these kills going on Sam has the town meeting where he? Institute's a curfew he's interrupted by Paul's killing all the snowmen he sees after having run into Jack earlier right after Sally's murder his tantrum is put down by manners with a bunch of stock sound effects Sam has deputy job, throw Paul in a jail cell to calm him down Then son's deputy Christa, Paul's place to see what was wigging him out But Chris's commute gets blocked by jack holding a stop sign when he goes to get his trunk shovel out Jack melts into a puddle And then reappears inside Chris's car without any discernible Movement Jack backs the car up and runs Chris over for the six killed the movie We finally get a modicum of movement from the fake a snowman as he drives the cop car away now for some reason Jill's way of dealing with the death of her brother is to sneak into the sheriff's empty house with Tommy and seduce him the undress down to their long underwear hot and then she leaves him to go listen to a radio that isn't hers and blow-dry her hair with a hairdryer that isn't hers because She's just hanging out in a house that isn't fucking her yeah I'm guessing they didn't want to pay for another shooting location while she's gone Tommy decides to put some ice in his champagne like a fucking cleave and then gets alarmed of the snowball hitting the side of the house when he opens the door to see who it is Tommy tries taking an ice pick to Jack for us But it doesn't do much good instead Jack shows off a new power shooting an icicle from his hand to impale Tommy against the door a few shitty one-liners later and - shoots off the kill shot another icicle the Tommy's head again the least this movie could do is have some graphic kills But they're all pretty obviously low-budget Jill finishes her burglar blow-dry and sees a bath drawn in the tub That's not sinking into a romantic gesture from Tommy she strips down and steps inside We get a real solid grasp on Jill's bathing techniques gratuitous montage set to an overactive guitar And all of a sudden there's a carrot in the water And it starts to freeze all around her Jill's death is the most infamous part of this movie as Jack rises from the tub with His snowman arms wrapped tightly around her naked body Then he just you know pretty much rapes her to death now since I unlike the filmmakers apparently don't find that idea funny I'm not even gonna show it here even though with the chief production It does just look like he's slamming her against the wall over and over But like I said things killing if you're thinking about doing this in your movie Just don't she falls to the floor dead and the only thing I'm thankful for is that Shannon Elizabeth was actually 24 when she filmed This not 18 like her character's names Just looking for the small things folks a canted conversation in the police station Captures the cops talking about how conventional weapons aren't gonna hurt the murderer They're looking for according to stone when they hear deputy Chris's car pull up outside They go to see it, but instead. They only find a mutant killer snowman no no Man who shoots at him it does not sing Jack says a shitty one-liner That's not even a pun or anything Matt They run inside where Sam demands to know what that killer snowman is Jack Frost Jack Frost diet Jack Frost Changed Jack's quartz his way inside and after manners looks like a crazy person Shooting at a puddle Jack becomes a big boy snowman again and chases them all away Stone doesn't want them to hurt his precious Snowman so Manners drags him away as they start bug bombing the shit out of the station on their way out Sam gets crazy old Maurice out of the cell he was hanging out in and they all escaped through the window with Jack locked inside it's time to blow Him up and manners is not thrown away a shot it blows up the police station even though They apparently can't afford a big explosion shot But this proves to only be a temporary victory since jack is able to recompose it himself LP it in a more artistic render All right that one's pretty good as Jack does his schtick the rest of the town bunkers down and sam goes to the backroom to interrogate stone on why he's being such a little wiener stone spills the beans about how that genetic material Shit somehow proves that the soul exists and is a chemical I don't know guys They come up with a plan to trick Jack into the big furnace downstairs below town hall or whatever and then Stan super awkwardly in The street waiting for Jack to come to them he eventually does of course in a cheap first-person shop followed by a cheap fake looking snow Boulder and then after becoming a cheap fake looking snowman again He turns around and charges that the guys who are standing looking like they're waiting to take a prom picture together instead They whip out a bunch of blow dryers And do an awkward shuffle towards Jack pushing him back and back all the townspeople join in melting Jack against the furnace and somehow locking Him inside to finish him off, right? Right, please now Sam. Don't give your annoying kid a celebration kiss Just yet because we've still got another 15 minutes to this movie as the two feds are looking at the furnace jack escapes right in Front of their eyes through the miracle of steam pops up behind manners and starts gnawing at his face Which I thought was a kill until I watched the sequel where spoiler alert dude comes back just played by a different actor We do get a real kill however when Jack and his way oversized head turns his attention to stone And you'd think it was just an off screen kill But instead stone walks outside like he's under some mind-control and ends up with a real bad case of Boston a snack He sprays whipped cream out of his mouth and onto the ground and it turns out Jack Just needlessly took over stones body to walk the 20 feet outside his escape via foam bomb it ends up killing the Weasleys now Jack I'm sure you're pretty tired by now, but could I trouble you for another subpar one-liner? Now there it is. I knew you wouldn't disappoint It disappointing me the shitty snowman suit shuffles slowly in front of Sam's car and Jack starts leaking his way inside through the back Jack Tries to lock Sam and his shitty kid inside But Sam bust out the window and on his way out throws his kid shit oats into Jack's face apparently shit oats are super effective Against Jack, but how can that be what did you put in the oat? Jake reach, oh cool Yeah Celebrate the fact that your shitty kid almost killed you because he didn't want you to get cold Jack and his nasty melty face steps out onto the street only to get hit by a truck Hey, yeah could someone please explain to the screenwriter what jokes are please? Thanks the driver of the truck is Paul and Sam tells him to go get Andy freeze So we can finally finish this fucking film sam lures jack into this weird building That sounds like it's a hostel for some pretty salacious shit Jack eventually gets Sam up against the wall and starts stabbing him with his icicle dick But when Paul pulls up with a truck full of antifreeze Sam snaps back and throws himself and Jack out of the two-story window straight Into this nasty green truck bed pool a wrassle around for an eternity is Jack shitty costume dissolves in the liquid in the most Absolutely revolting way Sam finally dissolves the last of Jack and the townsfolk all cheer But what's your shitty kid got there in his hand Sam? oh Just a killer snowman arm that starts strangling him it toss riding in the back of the truck and Sam Baptizes him a bunch of times in the antifreeze finally dissolving the last of Jack I won't put jack on the kill count because he's not entirely dead just merely contained in the antifreeze as we see in a montage Said to Jack's nasty boys singing silent night The town's folk all buried the containers of antifreeze jack And this movie is finally over was the body count for Jack Frost high enough to make up for everything else Let's find out and get to the numbers Ten people dying Jack for Austin They're the lucky ones They didn't have to watch this movie the victims consisted of eight men and only two women one of whom was seriously violated in the process giving us a four to one gender ratio And the kills at a runtime of 90 minutes which felt like an eternity. That's a kill on average every nine minutes I'll give the golden chainsaw for Poulos killed - Sally Metzner It was the most creative and on-screen kill in the movie and also the one that most embodied the spirit of Christmas doll machete for lamest kill goes to deputy Chris who was slowly run over by his own police car just walk it off Chris And that's Jack Frost released in 1997 by director Michael Cooney whose work is so sparse he doesn't even have a Wikipedia page Bomber this was in fact the first of only two movies. He directed and next week We covered the other one Jack Frost - revenge of the mutant killer snowman Until then I'm James Agee nice this has been the kill count Thanks a lot for watching my kill cop for Jack Frost had a whole bunch of new patrons Let's start by thanking Joshua Hoover Jared Landers and Andrew Jackson like the president the support and positivity in the comments since my announcements been overwhelming it's so nice to see so many kind words for the people who watch my stuff you guys should know how to make a Dead meat feel fresh and sounded great. Thanks a lot keep up the positivity. We've got a good thing going here

Channel: Dead Meat

Views: 8,326,965

Rating: 4.8911676 out of 5

Keywords: comedy, eileen seeley, marsha clark, pine commander boogie, shlock, kill count, christmas, michael cooney, holiday, james a. janisse, kills, stephen mendel, snow, christopher allport, schlock, jack frost, f. william parker, scott macdonald, jaj, cheesy, dead meat, horror, snowman, body count, movies, DMKC, shannon elizabeth, mutant, scary, holidays, films, jeremy paige

Id: 4xGZLd3SOH8

Length: 15min 0sec (900 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 01 2017