Jaws 3D (1983) KILL COUNT

[Music] welcome to the killcam where we tally up the victims in all our favorite horror movies I'm James agent east and today we're looking at jaws 3d released in 1983 as the third entry to the jaws franchise whereas jaws 2 felt like a true sequel featuring a lot of the same cast members as the original jaws 3d included not it still involves the Brody boys though with older brother Mike played by Dennis Quaid now but to be honest there's no real reason to include them even co-writer Richard Matheson thought it was stupid and he only wrote them in because Universal forced him to in fact the studio was behind a lot of this movie's development which got so troublesome that they had a hard time finding a director they settled on Joe Alves who had been with the series since the start as a production designer an occasional second unit director but Alves had never directed a full movie before and in fact jaws 3d remains his one and only directing credit maybe that's why half this freakin movie is out of focus I'm not sure if the blu-ray had a bad transfer her what but there is a lot of blurry badness here the soft focus might also be a result of this film having been shot in 3d using the same technology that other contemporary horror films did like Friday the 13th part 3 and a medieval 3 but even if the shots were in focus we'd still be left watching what's essentially a 90-minute advertisement for SeaWorld since this movie takes place at the Orlando theme park instead of up on Amity Island again why did they bother turning jaws into a franchise oh that's right money how many bodies come with the price of admission for SeaWorld let's find out and get to The Kills [Music] the movie begins with the fish and a title card he holds that shitty looking thing just fucking shop at me get out of here till I don't card go suck some fish heads why don't you during the awful 3d opening credits that obscure just about everything on screen we see a pyramid of water skiers whore we would if these stupid credits would get the fuck out of the way they're practicing their routine for SeaWorld's big reopening as are all of the employees including the candy striper looking part guides SeaWorld is reopening with a new sea lab like extension called the undersea Kingdom a series of tubes much like the internet which are built underwater in a man-made Lagoon sounds great as long as they don't pull a Jurassic world and connect it to the ocean which is connected to the open ocean by a deep water channel you got damn fools do you want sharks in your theme park because that's how you get sharks in your theme park look it already happened who'd of thunk it sea world's manager is Kelvin Bouchard played by Lou Gossett junior fresh off a historic oscar-winning role in an officer and a gentleman jaws 3d wouldn't win him another Oscar but if you want to get conspiratorial you could argue it was his first time playing a coded gay character just look at that rainbow flag flying in two shots where he's introduced or listen to his word choice describing the water skiers it comes my pride and joy his prize hell you can even hear his staff talking to reporters about a colorful past we would however like to avoid references to his colorful past maybe I should have covered this one during Pride Month one of bouchard's employees is Mike Brody himself who's in charge of the maintenance crew and who follows a strict adherence to the 40-hour workweek you got enough overtime [Music] [Applause] mike is dating another employee had marine biologist kay who gets to spend her day riding wells and hanging out with the parks dolphin Cindy and Sandy who were played by SeaWorld dolphins Capricorn and Kai and there's such good boy the minor role of Kay's assistant was played by Dan Blasco the actual SeaWorld animal trainer who helped actor best Armstrong get acclimated with the parks animals although she found the prospect of riding a killer whale scary at first armstrong wound up being real comfortable with the animals so i grabbed him by the tongue comfortable waitwhat against an admittedly pretty sunset shot one of Mike's employees a mechanic named Shelby Overman jumps into the lagoon so he can try to fix the gate that was destroyed when the shark swam into the park in no time at all Overman falls victim to a shark attack which is done in the usual style of quick cuts and floating oh never mind that's a 3d severed arm coming at us Wow that night over man's girlfriend Charlene a waitress asked Mike where her boyfriend is she'll be working overtime come on Charlene you know what Mikey B always says sitting with Mike and K is the younger Brodie brother Sean who's visiting down from Amity having just graduated college right a gentlemen see an incomplete but a pisshead wait this motherfuckers in high school Sean sees some people playing a game called standoff which I didn't think was real at first until I found this very helpful video online describing the game which is also known as gladiator hands the object is to be the last person standing without moving your feet ready set go who would ever want to play that more than once my brother considers himself to be a stand-up champion in the England that's a little sad deed but he ain't lying about his standoffish this cuz he jumps into a game with one of the parks water skiers named Kelly played by Lea Thompson and takes her down easily and you know what they always say the fastest way to a woman's heart is with gladiator hands and that's why in the span of a few minutes they're already running around in their underwear on the shore of the Sea World Lagoon careful now Kelly before you suck face you might want to make sure that dudes not your son from the future Mike and Kay drive down the pride runway and Bugs Bunny their way to the shore where they find evidence of Kelly and Sean's tryst I don't love the acting in this movie but I will say it looks like the cast is having fun so that's nice they use a bullhorn and a flashlight to prank the kissing kids and then it's time for a group game of splashy grab-ass which is actually a disgusting phrase now that I say it aloud meanwhile two jackasses have snuck into SeaWorld so they can take a raft out on the lagoon and steel-core what I am I am a give us 200 bucks for the good stuff yo you got that good shit man that cush coral while hunting for those primo polyps both men are killed the first has his flashlight extinguished underwater usually a good sign of death and the second after he randomly falls from the raft is pulled under the surface and disposed of quietly all the shit shark you left some evidence behind there you go buddy just be your own cleaner the next day at work while Cindy and Sandy do awesome dolphin stuff because dolphins are inherently awesome kay gets hit on by this british dude philip fitzroyce of what hunters slash photographer who's at the park visiting his friend Calvin Bouchard fitzroyce has a bag man or something named Jack who always follows him around and calls in Dubna my godness 1/16 fill of Edenfield not if my governor gets it first crush a governor honestly my first draft of this killcount script didn't mention Jack at all and it worked just fine but I kind of wanted to include all those government clips kay brushes off fitzroyce and catches up with Mike and Charlene who's just arrived to tell them that nobody has seen her boyfriend Overman since last night y'all be Overman save wol again you can just say a wall it's faster since obermann's absentee they're gonna check under the sea because that is where they'll find T or so they hope they travel underneath the water at the bottom of the sea and wow does it look like shit nope no no you don't get to play epic music for this not one part of your little seem out there is getting accidentally green-screen away Christ they approach the lagoons fake shipwreck of a Spanish galleon and they better look out for that skeleton because it's reaching out to get them in 3d whoa then they hop out to investigate further even though their dolphin friends say no probably because they know about the crappy looking shark that just rams itself right into the shipwreck the Dolphins come and rescue the humans because seriously dolphins are scary smart and with their help Mike and Kay are able to escape the shark and climb out onto the dock to uh they tell Calvin Bouchard that there's a shark in their lagoon and in response his buddy fitzroyce gets an immediate hunting boner if we kill his beastie on camera I can guarantee you media coverage cool swish of sweet dude hey argues that if they captured it alive instead they'd have the only great white in captivity and that could be money to poor Calvin having to pick between more money and more more money in the end they settle on sedation and capture by means of this 3d sedative what Oh got into my mouth grouse Kayne fitzroyce are gonna be doing the dirty work and despite the stated mission that British mofo was trying to bring grenades yes if we get into any trouble and we have to do is pull the pin hey is it just me or does that grenade look like an oxygen tank to you in any case mic blur 'le tells fitzroyce no disintegration so the chap gives up his explosives and jumps in with K empty-handed for protection k is wearing a chainmail wetsuit that for all this movies and accuracies was actually tested and shown to be effective by Valerie Taylor that Australian shark expert who helped film live shark footage for the first movie I'm wearing Valerie Taylor chainmail wetsuit but I understand that there are only two of these suits in the world one a salaries and one is this one that was made for John that was pretty cool it only takes a few minutes for the sharks to attack K's air tank but fitzroyce gets the beastie off of her and as the shark swims away in disgrace life lands a first time out in a hockey mask spear gun shot that attaches a red barrel or balloon to the fish and to cap off their rousing success kay sticks the shark with a sedative Oh so you've captured a great white shark now I open up the pod motherfuckas yeah bring on the crowds and Shamu the great Pied Piper and why not have a pride parade two captive fish are for everybody hey buddy I'm a captive mammal a three-d captive mammal whoa the parks even got scary pig lady dancers and a waterskiing show set to that music that introduced Kevin Bacon and Friday the 13th of course the main attraction today is the new undersea Kingdom which not only has a serpent leading the guests inside with a 3d tongue web but also features 3d eels well and a special treat for those with more tentacular tastes but none of that is enough for Calvin who orders the Great White exhibit to be opened against Ches orders she's worried that the new shark is too sick and stressed to be a star hand uh yeah it's not looking great there wait is that shark dead or just fake Oh both I guess Wow the evidence of SeaWorld's negligence was around 30 years before blackfish the guest says SeaWorld are enjoying their tour of special effects from the 80s when their fun times on the sea lab set are interrupted by Hoberman's waterlogged corpse grows I dare you to kiss it Ashley I wasn't serious guys Mike and Kate right ooh hold down their launch as they take a look at the body which what was skin that crappy looking shark's skin this man such precision alarmed they run to Calvin and talk about the one thing we all know about sharks by now the bite radius about a yard across yeah bite radii because of that bite radius measurement Kay tells Calvin that the captive shark that just died couldn't have killed Oberman its mother did its mother oh man does that mean the shark we just watched I was a baby shark do you do to do to do if only they knew where the momma shark was thanks trippy Mike boys it is right here and now it's here and look around around around and you'll see it's now on the surface chasing after some water skiers Mike races to save them in a hectic Park gone amuck seen that looks exactly like the one with Chris Pratt in Jurassic world only with more vaudevillian mud dives there's a lot of chaos and panic for a while and the shark ends up attacking Kelly who had been driving around on some bumper boats with Sean but somehow fitzroyce manages to save her and shockingly nobody gets killed in this whole kerfuffle but at least we can still trim down the cast a bit and get rid of Kelly and Sean who goes with her in the ambulance to the hospital oh wait why were they characters again Kelvin Hobson a loudspeaker to announce that the undersea Kingdom is closing on account of the giant shark who's swimming overhead yep right up there but make sure you exit in an orderly fashion the shark attacks the underwater hamster tubes and cracks them open getting some of these SeaWorld patrons trapped behind doors like third-class passengers on the Titanic a group of them ends up sealed inside a room with water up to their waist and the rescue mission to save these nameless guests becomes the focus of this movie's entire third act I guess that makes sense since this would be a pretty big news story but it just seems like a weird choice for the climax of a jaws movie I mean they are still trying to kill the shark too obviously and fitzroyce makes a plan to lure it into a filtration pipe so he can blow the beastie up to do so fitzroyce is going to act as live bait against the better judgment of his concerned pal jack and spread blood around like he's doing an underwater painting show the blood and some loud banging eventually gets the Sharks attention who swims right into their trap and gets locked inside the filtration pipe but before he can escape the pipe himself fitzroyce falls victim to a shark attack and winds up oh wow just straight up entirely inside this thing's mouth damn that almost looks like some kind of fun shark mouth chuck-e-cheese playscape sort of thing I bet it'd be nice to take a nap in there you know if it wasn't for the teeth with the shark trapped in the pipe Mike goes underwater to weld shut the compromised Sealab tunnel and save all those freezing wet no names hey joins him to give him a second pair of eyes and good things she does because mama shark has somehow managed to break those bars and swim backwards to get out of the pipe what is this deep blue sea sharks can't swim backwards everything that we based our story on is predicated on a great deal of research what research somebody's done their homework done on a lot of this homework this is extremely realistic no it isn't Mike finishes his welding job right before the crappy shark crapoly appears and crapoly almost gets them thankfully Cindy and Sandy show up to provide some Dolf interference that lets the humans get away again they come up out of a hatch into Mission Control while that flooded section of the undersea Kingdom is pumped free of water allowing all those featured extras to finally escape and head off to redeem their sad Bowser's but the park staff still has a shitty looking shark to take care of and don't act so slow-motion surprised you fool you knew that fucker was out there oh but not that didn't do that Wow a killer great white is one thing but now we're dealing with Stone Cold Steve sharks ten by God the Sharks attack gives us another victim for the cow since the technician named Fred gets eaten in a simple bloody kill also this is a little fucked up cuz I'm pretty sure fred was a relative of bouchard's I don't listen just listen nephew and yet when things got crazy Bouchard chose to save a random lady while he just watched his nephew get dragged out to his death the shark is unable to get all the way inside the command center and when it opens its mouth Mike sees the body of fitzroyce still clutching a grenade in his hand who hate hum that body's still there if the shark just ate another if you know what never mind fucking hey Mike in the words of handsome Dan from nightmare 5 let's blow this pop stand and by pop stand I mean shark because that's what Mike does pulling the pin from the grenade and giving us a couple of Flowery red explosions and some wild bad 3d shark cards flying at the camera Wow Christ this looks almost as bad as Freddy's dream demons the movie ends in an incredibly what the fuck fashion as Mike K and the SeaWorld dolphins celebrate how they just seriously freeze-framed that garbage and they hold it for so long what the fuck how many shark victims got up close and personal and three Dean let's find out and get to the numbers daddy short to do to do to do only five people died in Jaws 3-d and turns out all of them were dudes sure a mama shark blew up but we don't put sequel shark meat in our pie charts with a runtime of 98 minutes that left us with a kill on average every nineteen point six minutes I'm in the golden chainsaw for coolest kill - philip fitzroyce because honestly it just looks so damn cozy inside that shark mouth - all machete for lamest kill we'll go to the second SeaWorld burglar who just disappeared beneath the surface and not in a fun artsy way like his buddy with the disappearing flashlight and that's it jaws 3d came out in 1983 and although it was a giant shark turd they would try one more time to make a movie in this franchise we'll look at that friggin disaster next week but until then I'm James a Jenice this has been the kill count thanks a lot for watching this kill cop I want to thank some patrons like Gabrielle rein Tikku my Duryea Gabby nicole Johnson and mrs. porcupine I initially just wanted to cover the jaws franchise in honor of the original the scripts for the jaws 3 & 4 kill counts have become some of my favorites if you're watching this video the weekend it comes out I'm at Comic Con if you're in San Diego you can try to find me be good people

Channel: Dead Meat

Views: 4,055,719

Rating: 4.9253583 out of 5

Keywords: horror, dead meat, movies, scary, films, kills, kill count, body count, james a. janisse, jaj, pine commander boogie, jaws, franchise, series, sequel, 3d, seaworld, sea world, orlando, shamu, whale, dolphin, shark, third, 3rd, dennis quaid, brody, son, my so called life, 3-d, bess armstrong, louiss gossett, jr, joe alves

Id: F0IAL1Zgk5k

Length: 17min 15sec (1035 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 19 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/GeologicalOpera]

I am a simple man, I see Stone Cold Steve Austin jokes, and I instantly love the video.

Thank God for James, watching these sequels so we don't have to.

[u/TylerJohnson10946]

Stone Cold Steve Sharkstin was fantastic and I rewinded that part like five times. Great video.

I do want to add that the shark swims backwards in Jaws as well and it roars in every single film. This movie and it's sequel are both horrendous but I feel like roaring and swimming backwards are never valid complaints because every shark in Jaws has done that.

[u/Khalbrae]

Also I would love to suggest both "NO OVERTIIIIIIME!"from this and "A WHAT?" from the first movie for the streaming soundboard.

As always my suggestions are always optional and I ain't the boss of nobody and that's the way I likes it!

[u/Khalbrae]

Sorry I have been negligent on my stream finder document. Needed a bit of a mental health break.

You can stream the Jaws series in the USA on Starz

Canada gets them all on Netflix

Germany gets this one and the first on Netflix

UK can watch Jaws 3 on CHILI

[u/sgt_asshole]

NO OVERTIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[u/DanTheMan2150AD]

The Third Dimension is TERROR!

[u/Nogarda]

I'm so glad I saw this as a young kid/early teen, as that being eaten alive by a great white was like my second most memorable nightmare of my childhood. Seeing it as an adult though is so damn painful.

[u/thebrood138]

You really should ALWAYS check that someone isn't your son from the future before making out with them.

[u/peenylinguini]

The Shamu thumbnail is everything to me. I sat there staring at it for two minutes. Shamu's face is so funny.