It Came From Tumblr #70 | Binge Compilation

[Music] okay bye the Goblin trick for improving your mood get some small rocks in your hands at least three but maybe more if you have big hands close your hands together around all the small rocks and shake rocks will bounce on your hands and on other rocks there will be noises there'll be good noises profit okay well why does that actually sound super relaxing so I'm currently working at a law firm and the other day one of the attorneys was talking to me and he mentioned that he's not very confrontational and I'm like you are a lawyer and he said yeah but in court there are rules I can argue with some schmuck in a suit in front of a judge no problem but when I leave the courthouse and go home I'm not gonna argue with my wife about dinner there are no rules in our kitchen I would die warning this post contains strong language flexing muscles sit-ups abs lifting weights push-ups physical activity running football push-ups hey that was strong damascus was a bad man at the vet and was very bitey so he got put in a lizard straitjacket for his x-rays imprisoned for his crimes today I learned that Vikings exchanged swords as part of their wedding vows and I for one think we should bring that back the bride and groom that exchanged rings to further consecrate their vows offering rings to one another on the hilts of their new swords is this not one of the most romantic things you've ever heard I want it I was trying to make my friend a birthday cake but the dye and the decorative icing started leaking and dripping everywhere so it accidentally became the most ominous and violent looking baked good I ever seen so I slapped some Frankel's to try to make it less threatening looking it worked a little bit just to clear up some rumors I do have blood and I do have all my bones and I didn't take them from anyone I grew them myself so stop a sketch this is really out of can search with the heck happens you know for some reason that I will never understand scrolling through your blog during a mental breakdown cures it immediately and I don't know what kind of sorcery this is but I ain't mad at it two messages I regularly receive your blog almost gave me an anxiety attack and your blog cured my anxiety attack I don't understand it any better than you July did you mean Pride Month to electric Boogaloo hell yeah can they like release new vegetables I work at a Whole Foods and I'm here to tell you that they do some lady the other day put this on my conveyor belt and I'm like ma'am what is this and she has the audacity to say I don't know my wife just got this tapestry in the mail for the wall of her yoga room she opened it up and laid it out to look at it and then Toki of course laid down right in the middle so now he's in a low-budget adventure flying through the woods enjoy majestic and watching a documentary on Netflix about animals getting prosthetics and this vet just hand sculpted a prosthetic beak for an injured Swan and the very first thing it did was use its new beak to bite someone you fool you've made untitled goose Cambria vengeance pants are an illusion and so is death Avatar The Last Airbender bringing you entirely under appreciated words of wisdom since 2005 the emoji movie got a confirmed animated series and I left a dislike on the trailer video and later that night gene a character of the movie broke the wall LT posing with the default facial expression and shot me in my bedroom yeah it's funny how people and notes are saying gotta remember that goddamn blog name but this reads like an actual tumblr calm [ __ ] bows I wouldn't bat an eye if I saw this on my - even if I didn't see the name Donald no matter our race our gender a creed or way of life for species our breed no matter our height or girth incent we all hate Donald because Donald is a [ __ ] dick his old Bo Burton poem is oddly appropriate in 2016 it's like he predicted it I misread that last word I was like well y'all going it's not a duck because he doesn't wear pants oh no my wife eyes down now in the gradient zone gradients own static y'all hey look shitty internet pride flag I like it am i doing crystal healing right yes absolutely I feel so much better after seeing this picture so yes you must be hey Bucky you got any magic powers or something like that yeah but what's up up is this really sad movie about an elderly man in a chubby kid actually it's a happy movie because as balloons and a Golden Retriever so [ __ ] you behold a trap dress lionesses are known for their cunning hunting I love the idea of an oddly specific curse that isn't even harmful I got one curse where on Tuesdays you can't say the word Tuesday hey what day is it today second Monday cool thanks whoever invented chess wasn't [ __ ] around when they made Knights everything moves in straight lines different ways simple enough now there's a horse that jumps over people in an L shape now that is a thrill ride for the 16th century gamer how can your body replicate the feeling of falling from high altitudes in a nightmare if you've never fallen like that before why is there [ __ ] tomato in the Train yeah I'm watching Avatar The Last Airbender for the first time and sokka's girlfriend actually turns into the moon but thought that was a metaphor or something it's rough buddy [ __ ] it public school lunch yo y'all got room ooh we got that off-brand [ __ ] Folsom ooh what do you mean I don't have a social life I just went grocery shopping with my mom close the hood differently in May 2020 and still hey in July 2020 hey girl you single no would you like to be aggressive to force attorney advertising campaign you can do better babe let's make this happen okay but imagine perséphone making a flower crown for Hades and it's his favorite thing ever and he wears it all the time and nobody would ever say anything bad about it because hey are you really gonna insult the god of the underworld and be everyone in the underworld loves per se she's like the den mother of Hell when you see it am I looking for I'm so [ __ ] hungry I've seen this post like three times and every time I look for five minutes trying to figure out this [ __ ] PO I never understand I have no idea what's the point of this posters I don't understand [ __ ] you guys look at his stomach the world is a beautiful place and I am no longer afraid to die who wrote Harry Potter someone who doesn't exist anymore their personality their connection to our world disappeared the day they gained 1 billion dollars all that's left is a little demon that gets angry at those who are different than them [ __ ] you Gator shape-shifting is the best superpower because you can have any haircut anytime you want you can turn into a harder version of yourself you can turn into a dragon you can turn into a robot you could turn into a shambling amount of abstract shapes and soak outside your strange father's house at night while chanting ominously about his sins this took a weird turn but I'm still on board June what's next July heaven forbid August where does the node sets end I have received some atrocious news I'm wondering if buckets show is the Joker in disguise who was really Deadpool but has the mind of a five-year-old I really hated everything you just said in more ways you'll ever know this is worse than the death threats I've received blocked the seven deadly sins the big hungry the big horny the big angry big overconfident big jealous that where are the other ones big lazy and capitalism oh right thanks Burger King is offering one cent whoppers through their mobile app if you unlock the coupon wallet and McDonald's quests what the King asks the King gets every time I think I take ten damage this one time when I was seven I thought I could talk to trees because I had no friends and I used to sit by them and say things in one day I was talking to my tree friend called Kevin and this girl went up to me and said are you talking to that tree yeah freak and I started crying and hooked on the tree and while she was laughing what are the branches fell on the girl's head thanks Kevin Josh Freud grandson of Sigmund Freud collaborated with King of Princess great-great-granddaughter of the owner of macy's on a line of silk and cashmere sweaters embroidered with anime characters any stupid thing in the world could happen during the magic of generational wealth I just heard my roommate yell you used me from the living room and I'm sitting in there like two seconds later my rat comes running into the room holding a French wine in his little baby mouth I haven't been to a subway in two years cuz the woman that wet what bread do you want and I went yeah when my dad was in college he had a friend who told the girl he'd take her on a date unlike any others she'd ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fight in the lobster tank they're married now character flaws [ __ ] in important me when someone shows me stuff waiting may your package like they're going to be what who wants to see a fat otter a rail round boy a huge man a chunky guy oh yeah that's the stuff consumer is tell me what kind of musical notation this is that's a shark mmm why did you topia have an underwater zone full of like the fish prey and shark predators underwater worlds are so fun and beautiful and it would've been so cool creative but I wanted I take back what's gender a ghost a Pokemon he's purple and fight see this is where the post should have ended this was an amazing reply but theater kids just had to get in the reblogs and be annoying no that's garlic no that's Gemini I'm writing down all of your URLs and I'm going to pummel each of you in a special way give me a superhero whose powers are water-based and everywhere they go they wear a raincoat because clouds have a habit of sporadically pouring down on them indoors and out it is later revealed that they are a complete control of these clouds and simply enjoy having a excuse to wear rain coat they like the aesthetic and also it discourages people from inviting them anywhere I need it every update to this God forsaken website is just an attempt to make us leave but too bad I'm trapped to die here by now and if it has to be in this ugly coffin of a platform so be it's Hotel California but every few weeks they redecorated move all the furniture eventually you're sleeping in a bathtub under a printer gradient and a cheap frame I hate it I'm Stein but I hate it so God what do you think about baby stingrays but I want to see the can all I'm saying is they're seven point six billions of us and only one God we could take him out if we want to rabbits too bad so high up we couldn't possibly reach him wait I just had an idea it's gonna take a lot of construction work though but we could do it periods are worthless but the growth of preservation your base David damn it I don't care not worth it go they are a guidelines a basic grammar they are essential full stop without them no sentence would ever end and then we're with the parole officers be seriously though the hate for grammar is not needed and despite how a sensor it is to communication I don't see what grandma had to do with the human races growth in reservation [Music] the energy radiating off this poses intense holy [ __ ] call that exhausted a fab energy you see what the God was referring to was the special delivery bring me Schrodinger's head cheap mode close your eyes and you can play any game in your mind even paper mario paper mark it was trash close your eyes and imagine yourself being a more likable person then open them and weep made a birthday cake for my boyfriend but I forgot how old he was turning you know you could say this cake by adding well well you've aged alright so one time my cousin and some of our friends are playing D&D we're at the final boss battle and I'm a bard and my cousin is the DM you are at the final boss The Bard is not allowed to seduce the boss oh I'm not going to seduce anyone good he's going to seduce me not 20 the demon king finds you very attractive and that is why my cousin refuses to play with me now you know even if you don't like Halloween you have to appreciate its position as the sole thing keeping Christmas from advancing even further into the year like a cancerous growth the goth kids hold the line I want to go on a shopping trip where I'm the only one in the shopping mall and everything I want is free that's called night robbery so be it so in my Spanish class the teacher sometimes put up a sign that says knowing lace and that means we can't use any English that day in class and we had like the smartest kid who's class president and the teacher asked him something and he was about to talk in English before the professor pointed at the sign so the guy busted out in German and the whole class was stunned silence and the teachers just gave a heavy sigh and left the room not wrong all letters of my name are actually silent it's pronounced like are we talking a poetic autumn breeze or a fart here well it depends on your xn Pat shall gently and receives time eleven out of ten product design I've been watching this show for the past seven years and now I just realized they're wearing young and old versions of the same outfit just thinking about this like what if Madame foster wished she was young again so she could do errands that aren't easy for her in her old age so she imagined Frankie jokes stop right there not a single step closer a rivalry but only one of them is taking it seriously don't you see we're destined to be rivals fate has tied us together our meeting was written in the stars it's our destiny to fight okay cool man you wanna play like Mario Kart yeah sure okay hey do you have any not fun facts the total mass of existant ants is significantly higher than the total mass of existing humans stop go get stick remember that episode of Johnny Bravo where he meets a girl on the internet and she turns out to be an antelope Johnny got catfished before I was cold well I'm Letty he was just chill about it too we all laugh at Guy Fieri smashmouth in the Shrek movie series but we all also collectively agree that their existence makes the world a better place the king laughs at the gesture but values his wit in honesty black panther big some jews bred for a party thrown by a norse god - chavez challah for the Mahalo gallon hey it's been 30 minutes googling words that rhyme with to childhood for this to get sick denotes I got your back though do you ever get so annoyed at everything that you start getting pissed off even at little things like a spoon clinking against a bowl that the sounds of people talking I think it's called sensory overload it's really common in people with anxiety it can also be a result of sleep deprivation stress or even dehydration thanks I thought I was just a [ __ ] I'm Alice no roll around I ate Chef Boyardee and began to cry brush she was so bad hey noodles I could have eaten those somewhere a can of Chef Boyardee just dropped off a store shelf and is now rolling to your house to kill you how dare you disrespect the chef go to i watch a lot of pmc more and now that I have a tumbler I'm following you for myself because you're funny as [ __ ] please place the grant of staying in my room every day it's wise to come to the desert okay well you don't get to choose where specifically in your room but hint shook your belly button had a dream that driven mock driven [ __ ] throng with me had a dream Griffin McElroy was giving tours at the aquarium as like a special guest kind of and every time he stopped in front of an animal he'd be like all right gang gather round I have no idea what the [ __ ] this is and then we move on if that super clown makes himself an image of your worst fear before you two I could kick his ass what's he gonna to turn into a physical manifestation of being abandoned by your closest friends get it turned into that kooky spooky visual representation of catastrophic failure and loss joke's on you dumbass the only thing I'm afraid of is myself mmm time to kick my own ass yeah [ __ ] had a comment for too long let's do this [ __ ] minutes and my new too shouldn't be spelled the same I'm not content with this content I object to that object I need to read what I read again excuse me but there's no excuse for this someone should wind this post up who thrown in the wind the love of God stop you ever get a bus driver who drives like the running from God you're really complaining about the discount roller coaster today I learned when people are electrocuted and thrown far distances it is a result of a sudden and violent muscle contraction and not the results of the shock this has raised questions as to the actual strength and capabilities of the muscles in the human body are you telling me we're capable of eating ourselves whenever extreme stress Cowboys never die ladies ride off into the sunset is that what your parents told you when you came back from school one day and your cowboy was missing I begin typing on an old typewriter a werewolf is steering a submarine but then stop I crunch up the paper and throw it in the fire the world isn't ready yet for Captain Harry McColl's I'm the submarine pilot who is secretly a werewolf hiding from the moon yes it is the world would be so much better people would just uh neurotically write stuff like this I'm tired of books that take themselves seriously caterpillar of the Saturn ate a moth extremely don't eat me caterpillar be there meet you huh that square is 5 bees by 6 bees I'll have you know that is a bee rectangled you have fair oh excuse me avatar I see more than four elements yes hello I am the last barium bender the fact is we need a uniquely American solution to approaching this pandemic like a nationwide competition where if your state has the least percent infected per capita everyone gets free Taco Bell or something strangers would not hesitate to shame your non mask-wearing ass of a [ __ ] free Baja chalupa was on the line I I kind of think that would work it's just stupid am I just working I hate it now yes the pizza party model effective every time p.m. what is your opinion on siren hair but it makes anim nose is instead of creepy radio noises the idea of walking into the forest and seeing a 24 tire interphase demon saying I need you is scarier than anything I can comprehend I actually really like the concept of siren head until 15 seconds ago when I read this ask I know early found rock Iceland this is an old yard sleeping now I know sleep peace is taking a long sip yeah we're gonna like water hungry did you mean thirsty no water hungry that is what we're calling it now yo was good a demon my wedding we're all for wedding vows it's an at one husband I say nervously as I accidentally knock out the marriage of fish and somehow eat the ring the ancient Greek god Zeus used to disguise himself as animals in order to seduce women so technically he is the first-ever fairy the idea Zeus looking at a woman and going its roar XD time it's gonna haunt me forever the Food Network show I once four chefs compete in a contest to determine who is the best but they are not given certain ingredients they must use oh they can use whatever they want they are given the name of the dish the judge says make me purple nirvana and we get to watch one chef make au gratin blue potatoes another make a blueberry shortcake and etc the worst dish is eliminated until one chef wins oh my god i watch the hell out of this call it the name of the game whoo Network hey cobby let's do this I was baking a strawberry shortcake for my mom and I realized that I forgot the baking powder I began to panic so I pulled the cakes out of the oven and they were already completely baked but they rose just fine without the baking powder I was staring at them in confusion trying to remember if I accidentally put yeast in the powder when I felt the shadow loom over me I looked over my shoulder only to find Luigi Luigi tenderly took my hands and told me you don't need to worry for I will accompany you in any and all of your baking endeavors I have never felt more loved in my life I cried the casting director we need the voice of Pikachu to be a recognized name but it's going to be tough to find a respectable actor who Ryan Reynolds me I'll do it pika-pika [ __ ] why does the King George song from Hamilton have BDSM undertones that's so unnecessary well absolute monarchs always ready yes ma'am energy I'm angry because you're not wrong I feel like everyone worships avocados and I'm struggling because it just tastes like compressed wet grass lump but nobody will listen and I'm all alone in this world don't mock my Squishy Hawk nuts this is the worst thing a few days ago I was walking past a basketball court and a ball flew at me and I didn't flinch caught the ball threw it back at the guy responded to his thanks bro with a nod it was like the ghost of some guy named Chad took over me so I didn't like embarrass myself god bless you ghosts Chad tomato and it's grandpa how do you even melt a tomato I just realized that is in fact a pile of ketchup every time I think of the black market I actually imagine a market with little stalls selling illegal things like nuclear weapons and organs I thought it was a load wait so that's not what it is I hate how reward systems never work for me like I can't just say if I finish this assignment I can have a cookie because my brain is like or you could just have one right now and I can't argue with that logic yeah self-imposed deadlines don't work either because I know the guy who set them and he's full of [ __ ] exactly we need more art of Remy and something besides the leather jacket yeah what's going on on the rider we fandom why would a rat wear jacket Goodson's truly I got it all right two things one labels exist to help people understand things about themselves and others and two you are not obligated to use labels you don't find comfortable or helpful even fathers try to press them on you notice it posed serious post very serious okay skooby said rut ro shaggy said zoinks Velma said jinkies and Daphne said jeepers what did Fred say Fred says

Channel: P.M. Seymour

Views: 703,529

Rating: 4.9623952 out of 5

Keywords: voice, audio, P.M. Seymour, comedy, reading, discord, twitter, tumblr, social media, posts, reading posts, late night blogging, blogging, editing, not for kids

Id: mbiL9xU1Kq8

Length: 24min 0sec (1440 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 09 2020