It Came From Tumblr #78 | Binge Compilation

[Music] okay bye-bye scuba this is the english word i want to get tattooed on my wrist it means to keep breathing even though the water rises all around you english is such a mystical exotic language they can fit so much meaning into so small a word well he's not wrong you know i can handcuff newborns to show how the law works at an early age so they don't commit crimes so i got fired today it's funny how straight men are often intimidated by butchers when really fems are the scariest lesbians butchers will maybe throw a punch at you after telling you to back off a few times while femmes roll down right stick a heel in your eye it's a common misconception that butchers protect their friends from other people in reality they are protecting other people from the femmes how dare you hide this in the tax concept cowboy hat with cat ears so you're just gonna scroll past without saying meowdy studio ghibli once threatened a localization team by mailing them a katana because of how heavily edited valley of the wind was in the u.s dissatisfied with warriors of the wind miyazaki adopted a strict no edits clause for further foreign releases of studio ghibli films on hearing miramax coach chairman horrible person weinstein would attempt to edit princess mononoke to make it more marketable toshio suzuki sent an authentic katana with a simple message no cuts i aspire to be this ride-or-die for my works suddenly you're 21 and you're screaming along in your car to all the songs you used to listen to when you were sat in middle school and everything is different but everything is good man this boost keeps me going writing prompts your phone suddenly receives an emergency alert that tells you to seek shelter immediately your pet slowly walks up to you looks you dead in the eye and says the time has come follow me man i have like a fish where the [ __ ] you gonna take me the back corner your tank the shape of water 2017. i hate this whole backlash like you say touchstar but you actually mean horny no i mean when i was getting my haircut there was a moment where the hairdresser tilted my head to the side and the top of my head brushed his chest and my brain short-circuited with endorphins because it thought i was being held that kind of touch starved hey seymour did you know that michaela wants to do the stream of playing android simulator with the voice of budo it's really hilarious i highly suggest who's gonna tell them i have no idea what i'm missing here but i have a feeling it's hilarious well what username where the person michaela laws was streaming with that day was me i am the voice of budo and they did it no throwback to 2016 when i told my sister they're making another planet earth and she was just like raising an eyebrow and said in this absolutely deadpan condescending tone well where are they getting the dirt for it and i had to specify i meant planet earth the nature documentary not the celestial body yeah well i think dragons suck i will kick your ass so hard your vertebrae will pop out of your mouth one by one like a pez dispenser day one of me asking how doofenshmirtz found out perry's name when perry doesn't speak he was sent an email by owca when harry was first to sign guys i found important lore on tick tock of all places owca dead ass said joe hides for sending a platypus to kick your ass his name is perry xoxo later that's probably the most phineas and ferb joke ever to all the content creators out there how do you overcome the feeling that what you are creating is cringy start doing it on purpose and a slowly becomes unironic this comment is too powerful and how dare you figure out my secrets shame on you petition change thinks i hate it too i appreciate this imagine biting into a steak and there being a hot pop-tart in there how do you how do you even come up with this stuff personal experience just imagining just sitting late at night eating a steak and you have to shout the words holy [ __ ] a pop tart tumblr is so awful you have all these people making up obviously fake stories for attention and no one pays any money to the real heroes like me who beat up a volcano why is nobody talking about this i'm crying because my friend just pointed out that this werewolf has a daughter with the red hood fire emblem your cheeky little scoundrels you someone do you mind if i say something off topic me and adhd gremlin i've never been on topic in my life please continue take your anxiety meds with red bull to create the hot new emotion teens are raving about so fast it feels incredibly bad but wouldn't they just cancel each other out they're both working so very much and i cannot stop it any outfit is unisex if it's bizarre enough leave people too confused to question your gender you can't just leave this in the tags god yoink is the opposite of ye but it's just as fast the lord heateth and the lord yoinketh away well there's my eulogy sorted went out for a chinese meal with my family last night at the end of the night i was looking through the bill and found this it's worth mentioning at this point i told the staff i have a severe seafood allergy no no [ __ ] shrimp or you die now this is what i call responsible restaurant service well done dropped a small potato and started crying how's everyone else doing tonight i'm on floor putting hamilton on shovel is risky because a soft song like dear theodosia will end and suddenly there's definite gunshot and you'll jump and be your lead to your yield much like the phoenix a new dad shall rise from the sawdust were born writing prompt you have the ability to freeze time and explore the world while it's frozen as far as you know no one else has this power one day while you're wandering through your frozen school you notice that someone is following you yeah it's called the shadow you think you're clever huh [ __ ] you god you made writing pump cry my brain is sad because i miss my girlfriend but i don't have a girlfriend i never dated anyone and i'm almost crying hello it's called the earning oh call my son balsamic vinegar junior watch him turn into a super villain this in in plus this implies this implies that your name is balsamic vinegar the law allows me to be whoever i damn please why do you both sound like dragon ball z villains then after a freak accident at the bible warehouse the only surviving record of christianity is neon genesis evangelion god damn it jesus get in the [ __ ] robot i like to get my cookies in mountain dew because it gives them an ever so tasty tangy flavor you've left in there for the right amount of time well this has become a candidate for my least favorite post i have an idea tinder but you find yourself an art nemesis i love it when pets fall asleep on me because i can't ask anyone to do anything for me i'm sorry i can't get up i've been chosen okay just a heads up if theoretically your therapist tells you that they're going to try and get you tested for you another mental disorder saying wow am i gonna get a full bingo card is not an appropriate response and also theoretically neither is this just seems like so many am am i allowed to have all of these you did that didn't you c2 for anxiety beat you for depression a2 for adhd hey look at that i won not so fast i have a2 b2 c2 and i also have b1 fit depersonalization disorder and b3 for critical imposter syndrome and not to mention that earlier i had a1 anorexia blotted but that ink had faded now beat that they can't kill you please don't romanticize mental illnesses this is a joke but i'd rather not have any of these thank you remember when dexter ate a giant burrito and thought he was gonna die but it turned out he just had to fart i mean haven't we all been there i certainly have either people with adhd need to stop being so relatable or i need to go see a doctor and i don't want to go see a doctor now i'm not jumping to any conclusions oh my god hearing the john mullaney do my friends hate me or do i just need to go to sleep bit is like the best thing to have happen for my mental health because every time i'm afraid my friends hate me it's around the time i should be going the [ __ ] to sleep i read somewhere if you feel like everyone hates you you need to sleep and if you feel like you hate everyone else you need to eat and it was honestly world shattering and i wish i heard it years ago same given the common threads between things people on this website are inexplicably attracted to pinstripe bow ties really thin literal skeletons i present to you the husband for everyone this person is busy i'm sorry but do you [ __ ] mind d d handbook half orcs evil every half orc pc he has huge muscles so he can hug his friends real tight the dnd handbook tieflings more evil every t fleeting pc gay party animal at a crop top in heels the d d handbook drow extremely evil every drought pc drama thirsty fashion forward goth d d pathfinder handbook goblins unrepentantly evil every goblin pc chaotic good hungry child facts we need a more realistic d d handbook panera you had no right to take your broccoli cheddar soup mix it into your mac and cheese and tell me i can't order 20 bowls of them one time i used my retail voice on a co-worker and she was like don't use your customer voice on me i know you're dead inside like the rest of us it's just frightening and weird the other day i asked for a table for two and my customer voice and the waitress squinted at me and i cleared my throat and said sorry was still in service mode and she dropped hers and we swapped stories about our day and my boyfriend was like you two just became two entirely different people in 0.5 seconds i can be bitching up a blue streak about a customer from hell while the store is empty and when the phone rings swap over to my retail voice practically in mid-sentence i even have managers and sales people from other stores and chains fooled into thinking i'm infinitely friendly and helpful and my manager's husband thinks i'm one of the most professional people in the store one assistant manager's daughter dubbed me perky pants because she's dealt with me over the phone and was shocked to the core when i dropped an f-bomb at her graduation picnic the acting required in the service industry is beyond the pale my cousin freaked when she came to see me at work because i was smiling and nice while helping someone who was asking insane questions and who basically forced me to walk them to the product and put it in their [ __ ] hand but i was nice as pie until i turned around to walk away and my demeter changed back to normal and i muttered what a [ __ ] [ __ ] under my breath as i got back to my cousin she just looked at me shocked and said no wonder you're so exhausted when you get home this is actually referred to as emotional labor and criminology and is considered one of the hardest forms of labor the art of [ __ ] is strong in the service industry it certainly is and i never want to go back i usually wear these headphones i have wires connected to them but they're still bluetooth and it's nice but then i got these at a bluetooth without any wires and they're amazing they kind of look like hearing aids if you don't know anything and i think it's cool they're really nice and slick and sound so well so i flipped my hair and didn't realize the headphone glass was tangled in my hair and it came out and fell into the toilet rip someone in fire emblem only the goddess knows sothus her mouth full of doritos [ __ ] final fantasy in a nutshell final fantasy 1 four heroes break a time loop final fantasy 2 star wars where the emperor dies and then comes back as the devil and then dies again then comes back as a god and then gets killed by obi-wan final fantasy 3 four orphans fight a man who threw a hissy fit over his inheritance final fantasy 4 star wars but the emperor is a space ghost on the moon final fantasy 5 evil giving tree and his gay lover fight a confused heron protagonist and his princesses final fantasy vi star wars but the emperor is killed and replaced by the joker halfway through also racism is bad final fantasy vii eco-terrorist recruitment with padded resume discover corporate greed has caused a giant meteor to be elected and they hold a recount final fantasy 8 a group of cadets find out they all lived at the same orphanage and these are to blame and the lead may be dead final fantasy 9 star wars but the main characters are either clones or princesses also vivi as westboy final fantasy 10 daddy issues the real sports story with special guest christian guild complex final fantasy 11 giraffe and friends stop the writers from erasing the game final fantasy 12 star wars but half the bad guys aren't actually that bad except judge bergen that guy's a dick final fantasy 13 being the chosen one will kill your dating life final fantasy 14 heroes save the world from bad gameplay and bugs and final fantasy xv a bachelor party goes very very badly i see versus what the cat sees before i pet it they associate the stance with love fear it new cryptid exhausted woman at starbucks hi welcome to starbucks what can i get you today how much is it to filament with espresso uh i'm sorry aventi cup how much to fill it with espresso oh uh well it'd be i supposed to i i i only have a button for a quad i don't have special pricing for like 20 ounces of espresso and a single drink press is the furthest thing from my mind right now how many ad shots is that it'd be quad with 16 additional shots albeit rules to learning english there are no rules i see what you did there my eyes are burning no no no no no it's i see what you did there not what do it right i did right but i do not want to i hate everything about this oh my god he's turning the tiles brown he needs to be contained oh it's an scp fools this was a white coat you can see the white markings on him he's been soaking up the brown and he's only got one square left let him finish his work he's stealing the brownie rich people are like so easily convinced about ghosts i remember growing up it was near like this waking life and whenever i broke a toy instead of like going to face the wrath of my mother i would just [ __ ] bury it in that lot and then sure enough some dude tried to develop the way it did found a ton of bird writing dolls [ __ ] it told everyone it was haunted it's been over a decade and that lot is still naked you single-handedly take the value of someone's prime real estate and that makes me happy as soon as i've read this i immediately started thinking of ways to do this on purpose to get cheap land and i was five posts down my dash before i realized i was becoming a scooby-doo villain [ __ ] yeah the kids these days we'll never know who the struggle this is not an exaggeration your download speed would slow down to the point where windows would make this kind of absurd estimate and you just sigh and like leave the room for a while because you couldn't use your computer while i was doing this for fear would crash and lose all your progress and then you come back for like 40 minutes and maybe you would say like 52 years or maybe you would say three minutes who knew not [ __ ] windows i would just say sansa's like bury the platypus at this point a skeleton one beautiful clothes blue sans the skeleton hey guys check it out spinning her vinyl record so fast so it shatters wow that was record breaking speed wait no this is the wrong dystopian future we were meant to be gay outlaws in a nuclear desert give it a few weeks has anyone remember that time when like all the universe gym leaders gathered to take down team plasma with their pokemon bryson opted for hand-to-hand combat instead i mean i would too if my pokemon was cryogenol guys guys i want a live-action b-movie but instead of adapting the animated movie i wanted to be 90 minutes of jerry seinfeld harassing random people in a dollar store b cost what what is that moving in a heartbeat oh you have adhd name one name one what was it oh yeah no no no wait wait wait right right it was uh no one time you handled criticism without crying okay you listen here you little [ __ ] how dare you yo nothing shows the face of pain like that one picture of elmo crammed in a jar full of pickle juice oh sorry what pickle meow mo the period in like the mid-20th century where the middle class suddenly had access to unprecedented food variety but like no idea what to do with it and ended up inventing hundreds of doomed dishes like lime cheese jello salad or ham and banana hollandaise is thematically akin to the cambrian explosion the end of this post punched me in the face but god damn it you're not wrong oh not elegant enough to be a vampire but not jock enough to be a werewolf goblin and now beg the cat but he's a sophisticated gentleman enjoy i seem to have a minor wound inflicted upon myself it's quite uncharitable to oppress my comrades something is nipping on the line i am certain it was a misfortunate action upon their part i have come down with a case of the color we associate as sad i may haves have a proposal a assembled embrace perhaps my dearest friend frogbert where have you gone i'm contractually obligated to go hastily

Channel: P.M. Seymour

Views: 354,584

Rating: 4.969666 out of 5

Keywords: voice, audio, P.M. Seymour, comedy, reading, discord, twitter, tumblr, social media, posts, reading posts, late night blogging, blogging, editing, not for kids

Id: 4U-OrnErgyM

Length: 18min 19sec (1099 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 02 2020