It Came From Tumblr #13 [Binge Compilation]

okay so today in chemistry this kid Roman was walking across the room to get something any trip and this girl immediately shouts there boy is falling like cried well I was Hitler hit with a baseball because he was a fragile little racist sexist and homophobic nationalist douchebag well yes but no because he did not see it coming how did nucleus escape from prison through the snow wall get out what do you do with a sick chemist first you try and helium then trying curium but if that doesn't work you barium whoever put the s and the word Lisp should be shunned fat the person who put three T's and stutter is going to get their butt kicked what about the spelling of dyslexia you seem a kind of upset are you ok ok thanks for asking is this how fanfiction couples talk to each other if we put Chris Hemsworth Chris Pratt Chris Pine and Chris Evans into a room together what would happen krisis leave what do you call cool cheese mozzarella unbelievable only one note it's like you don't have a shred of appreciation for good of puns like these you guys need to be more grateful so oxygen went on a date with potassium today oh well ok I thought oxygen was dating magnesium oMG actually oxygen first asked nitrogen out but nitrogen was all like an oh I thought hoxsey Jen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins looks like somebody's an edge Oh nah bruh I'm done with all of you hey guys look it's a Shakespeare that was the worst pun ever does anyone else think this game is overrated yeah it's not for everyone hey it's my dip it is time to cleanse your mind with shower thoughts if the Mayans taught us anything it's that if you don't finish something it's not the end of the world if we do receive an alien message our best bet to play it back will still be the VLC player if people could see their own health bar they would probably try to be a lot more healthy someone named guy Chapman is essentially named man three times over Baker is short for bread maker the vast majority of shower thoughts aren't actually fabricated in the shower if we stay here they'll find us can be both relieving and terrifying to hear social anxiety has caused many beautiful relationships not to happen 12:00 a.m. starts before 11:00 a.m. you have too much free time is an insult even though it's the one thing everyone universally strives for and taxes are basically the subscription fee for citizenship and this has been number one for 2 3 3 2 2 1 describes itself it is one for two threes three twos and two ones it's too early on a day to be thinking about numbers hey hey guess what ice cubes are 10 glaciers have a good days last night blue why why you gotta do is to me can you please explain fed to all those people whose only knowledge of fire is what's on your channel alright here we go it's Fire Emblem heroes a mobile game where you can have a lot of fun as long as you have a lot of money build your team of borrows squishy girls fanservice and small children while you play across all the boards with a simple game of rock-paper-scissors but also go through nostalgia Lane I remember playing this game what the frick Fire Emblem heroes is that why is it so dark and it's pretty easy to spot the players who have spent a lot of money on this game usually those guys are the four Serdar army the entire army consists of thighs the creepy army that's just all children plus 10 legendaries all the trash to your characters that have been completely maxed out in all stats and finally for Camilla's have you ever thought about how Mothman was once caterpillar boy oh my god dog is just a Cerberus with one head thank you bye go to bed you should drink some water oh you're right thank you for reminding me can you tell Chris Tarasco on day to stop liking my tweets because it's making me soft crisps keep liking their tweets hey hey I need our new anime to watch on Netflix got any suggestions a gret suka opinions on tea no yes I'm joy the exquisite taste of leaf water I hate when you're being a fun and zesty texture and the other person is like a slice of damn bread I can't carry this conversation alone I have very little upper-body strength do you young kids have a term when you are both of those things I just found my 7th grade math teacher on a gay porn website oh my sweet Jesus why were you on a gay porn website oh you know for omiyo recipes why the Frank do you think there are two types of anger one is dry and the other wet and basically wet anger is when your eyes water and your voice shakes and I hate that because I feel weak when I'm crying while angry I like dry anger when your face is like stone and your voice is sharp I guess what anger shows that you care too much and dry anger means you're done this is the best description there's this girl at my school and she's really nice and I remember sometime last year at one point she would carry a clicker around and click it every time she had a happy thought something good happened she laughed etc it was always kind of cute how she'd just hear the little click every once in a while throughout class noise made me smile knowing that it was because something made her feel happy no she was training herself to be happy oh my god does it work imagine feeling yourself slipping into oppression you just click a few times your brain says wait this is the sound of habeas I have to release serotonin she fantastically pad loved herself the absolute madwoman I'm home alone with the TV repairman I'm no fool there's only two possible outcomes of this scenario porn or murder apparently there was an unforeseen third outcome or he fixes the TV and then leaves okay so you know how humans make animal noises like we can pretend to meow and bark and stuff like how freaking weird would it be if animals could do that like they didn't know what it meant or how to speak phrases but they could pick up on stuff we say and make the same noise like you'd just be watching TV with your dog next to you and reach over to pet him bowel movement parrots the thing you're looking for is a parrot do you ever have those times at 4:00 a.m. where you get so motivated and decide to get all your sanity together and then plan out your entire life and future and then the next morning you're just like oh I am a hot mess I figured out that horror games with grotesque monsters and spooky environments are negative 9000 scary if you pretend you're Steve Irwin on a mission to document the monster or monsters look here there's a six-foot grunt from the basement I'm gonna wrestle it this is how I get through a lot of scary environments without getting scared it it really works I feel bad for teachers because I distinctly remember my mom bursting into tears once when she was grading papers and she was just mumbling they're so goddamn stupid over and over and over [Laughter] instead of fighting with weapons we fought with cardboard imagine if there was a strict cardboard only rule for war and everyone on earth just accepted it without question so whenever everyone went to war they would just hit each other with cardboard swords and pretend to shoot each other with a cardboard gun cutout until they all got talked it out and went home I've been laughing at this for about eight years I gotta tell you one bonus of being an adult trademark is grossly misusing modern slang on purpose and watching the young interns grind side a fine example the other day I pointed at a passing shark and while looking one intern right in the eye went man is that a bay or what huh and the look on his face was something I will treasure for years kids I'm gonna level with you we do this on purpose does that dab for you I would be an awful parent my kid would say I don't want to go to school I just want to sleep and I probably get in bed with them and say I feel you really really is it there is that the terms you use hey Billy why aren't you at school today my mom feels me hey guys who's the funniest Disney Princess Rapunzel I told this joke to my husband and he immediately said divorce just once I want the hero to go your wife sister mother whatever would not have wanted this and the villain to go actually we talked about this a lot she was really individual auntie justice and eye for an eye stuff she always said if something like this happens avenge me your mother never would have wanted this well you'll never clearly met my mother yeah why do people call it fornicates marry kill when they could call it bad would be hey easy there Henry who's Henry [Music] beautiful Joe church's chicken knockwurst frankincense Sunny D general insurance go directly to jail green Mars red Mars little Mars our Mars Bluff Mars better Mars princess Crom a snake bazinga bokram horseman man-eating sword hand yandere simulator legs horse legs candle legs legendary legs um blue legs baby legs don't touch Tom Hiddleston dire dire docks I hate you Lenna 'the ample bosom gothic Maiden none for all Douglas oh oh oh ho Thor deep inhale what if zelda was a girl punk okay onii-chan : three yes Queen slay Ganondorf Dark Souls Edition really red eyes blue dragon Shakugan no Shana run Travis there's Marth this is fine bye yo what's poppin I'm back in my ancestral home Lowe's and I just watched a very burly man and a lot of flannel carry a potted orchids so tenderly across the parking lot the sentence that starts with I'm back at my ancestral home Lowe's has to work really hard to make the end of that sentence equally as amazing and by god you've done it short hops are valid also cute I think they're called crop tops I may be wrong no one what if people got a new game every birthday like what if the name represented how old you were like 11 year old was named Josh I had my first kiss when I was Greg this wasn't supposed to get notes tonight British cops want to use a eye to spot porn but it keeps mistaking desert picks for nudes London's Petropolis believe it's artificial intelligence software will be up to the task this just seemed appropriate today oh please please please let tumblr flag this post this flag yeah boy do you ever do that thing in class where you noticed you stopped paying attention so you try to focus but then your focus so hard on trying to focus that you're still not paying attention to what they're saying oh my god it's in words finally Netflix is looking to pay someone to watch Netflix all day oh my time has come let me just take off my leather jacket to reveal a second secret leather jacket underneath you mean skin what an absolutely terrifying addition to my post thank you like everyone else we will net you will do so or I will shove responsibility so far up your ass you'll taste tax bills for weeks yes sir now you get out there and respect all people or so help me you'll get a patent it's noon time isn't real me Tumblr's new anti porn algorithm seems to detect skin tones that means skin is banned you can only jack off the skeletons now wait unfortunately tumblr security snuck up behind him and snapped his neck before he could warn us about oh god have you ever really thought about how when you look at the moon it's the same moon Shakespeare Marie Antoinette van Gogh and Cleopatra looked at Hoda they all looked at the moon they're all dead the mood is killing people wake up America one time when I was seven I went to this big department store and there were giant rugs hanging from the ceiling and you could move them to see more rugs so I moved one and there was an employee sitting behind it eating a bag of Doritos and I screamed it started crying and the store gave us a free rug I get fired because of you she guessed my favorite color first try but between me and you I didn't even have a favorite color until she yelled out yellow she was hella excited and smiling like a little kid so I told her she was right and I haven't seen yellow the same sense it's in everything I could probably live in it now listen if Snorlax can suddenly awakened and transform into something powerful and useful after 20 years of lying around doing frickle that maybe there's hope for me yet someone just sent me a message saying there's an OkCupid account catfishing with my selfies to find a sugar daddy but I had Tom that was actually really me cooking show desperately what professional chefs compete to Wow at us down totally amateur food critics who don't know diddle about squats get eliminated on totally arbitrary ground such as I don't like sour cream it's creme fraiche whatever it is titty stop you violated the law pay the quarter fine or serve your sentence your stolen goods are now forfeits resist arrest I had three mineral posts flagged as adult content today they contained our tourmaline a muscovite and AG Elena on Friday I had three fossil posts flagged as adult content including a fossil fish a fossil tooth with a mastodon and a Tyrannosaur vertebrae I've submitted Appeals for each this is beginning worse over the past month apparently most of Geology content is now only for adults well apparently you can't get your rocks off on tumblr anymore I am contractually obligated to congratulate you on this reply there's a new book covering the Cambrian explosion an era of life about 520 million years ago when changing environmental conditions spurred the rapid evolution of many bizarre life forms some of which are distinctly related to animals today some of which like the five eyed opa banya with its jaw ended was flagged from my drafts dirty dirty opa banya opa by Nia has been extinct for 497 million zlotys thirty years daddy boy who forgives you for your past data bullying disregard you Cracker Barrel arson charge little boy who was your accomplice in the Cracker Barrel Orson I had three stitches in my ear today and now my ear is swollen like a balloon I'm not being racist but if you don't want you yes well you probably shouldn't have gotten stitches how was that racist they just said they were being racist do you even listen listen I'm not gay but I really think cats deserve a chance to be in the Olympics this entire conversation needs the exact reason why quit drugs today I learn plants make caffeine to defend themselves against pests caffeine is toxic to birds dogs cats and it has pronounced adverse effects on mollusks various insects and spiders Oh safe at last we like this the fact that we can't drink seawater even though it's the most common type of water just because it's three percent salt yeah we can safely consume multiple forms of literal poison and even benefit from doing so just blows my frog this time guess Divac he lived hey Talia bird up bird down generic crumbs wife give her an Ultron wife again Freddie Mercury dead give her pants definitely don't touch patek kool-aid hot mess murder Kirby chickens are dragons deku deku leaf precious dork ass go directly to hell Pringles shy fluttershy erotic friend fiction real mother Hedgehog guess again Hector otter mega legs stop looting your child wha half-genie hero my uncle works for Nintendo Charlie the Unicorn soulless not Asura sonic speed roasty-toasty princess lightning legs where really loves dragons yandere simulator remastered run faster steel don't touch where's Iago Tobuscus so the funniest thing in the entire Pirates of the Caribbean series is definitely that one scene at then where they have to parlay but Davy Jones is a part of it and rather than have him stand in the shallows or something they get a big bucket of water and have him standing it on shore we're sort of that idea who put Davy Jones in a bucket of water and had the guts to suggest it out loud then who went hey that sounds like a great idea at some point someone told Davy Jones their idea was for him to stand in a bucket of water and he agreed to weights I mean look at him standing majestically in a bucket okay but notice the trailer buckets behind him being he walked from the ocean through three other buckets of water before he got into one he's standing in it's even funnier when you consider how he must have figured all this out in the first place some folks are asking well if you can avoid the no Dreiling her simply by standing in a bucket doesn't that ruin his whole motivation but he's not on dry land here the parlay takes place on a sandbar which for the unfamiliar is a temporary island of sand deposited by breaking waves unconnected with the shore that spends most of its time submerged being exposed only at low tide what Jones is doing here is rules lawyering his own curse can you imagine the trial and error he must have gone through in order to determine that this would actually work okay count as dryland about bounces sure below the high tide mark reefs shows but if I stand at a pool of water on a show this has to be a sea water well does it have to be a natural tide pool or can it be something artificial right what I'm saying is is it there must have been a process pretty sure that this implies that the reverse a bucket of sand floating on the water big bucket with just a bit of sand would qualify as dry land that's absurd so I'm pretty sure that his lawyer pulled a fast one over the cursed governor it may be absurd but the text of the film bears it out Davy Jones can sense the presence of his heart wallet at sea but not while it's on land indeed that's why he Bertie I mean the first place to break his connection with it yet placing the heart in a simple jar dirt conceals it from Jones awareness just as surely as burial on sand us even if the jar is on the boat at the same time suitably prepared vessels filled with dirt absolutely count as dry land for the purpose of Jones's curse then the river should also be true if he buried it in a jar water no matter how far inland it is he would be so by this logic any container of seawater counts is not dry land ergo the bucket is perfectly viable not necessarily it's traditionally a lot easier to accidentally get whammied by a curse than it is to weasel around it I figured that's why he's using multiple layers of indirection here he's forbidden to set foot on dry land but it's technically not dry land it's a sand and he technically didn't set foot on it he's standing in a bucket of water it's entirely possible that either one of those things alone wouldn't make the grey okay very important question if it's specifically dry land he's forbidden from what about wetlands can Davy Jones fight you in salt marshes can he throw down in a peat bog swamp battle could he not step on land if his shoes are wet like this what if he flies over dry land like in a hot-air balloon or in the claws of a giant bird what if he's carried by two swallows using a strand of creeper European swallows African swallows this whole thread reads like a conversation between these two in fact I'm not entirely sure this wasn't their idea in the first place [Music] he's making a list he's checking it twice he's gonna find out who's on thin frickin ice Santa Claus is calling you out well I think this would feel like a bunch of little kisses or immensely mind-numbing pain as your soul is sucked out through Satan's evil black starfish minions aren't you a ray of sunshine today the cashier at the 7-eleven just locked us in so she'd go in the back for her break this looks like a group of people about to fall into an alternate reality to have some adventures man I thought left 4 dead 3 would never get announced what language do they speak at the Center of the Earth Korean ah the center of the earth is around five thousand four hundred thirty degrees Celsius nobody is going to live there so they don't need a language core choose your class Archer paladin mage Pyromancer builder tank Mecca I personally let go with the Pyromancer class sometimes unlike ancient Greek plays are sold how am I going to relate to the characters but then Dionysus doing everything wrong like that do you think he knows Oh dr. Fischer get off that man's face you're a scientist now act like one do colors have fandoms can I be like a purple is so awesome I totally ship it with turquoise a shipper Kois I even drew some smut for it hashtag NSFW hmm scandalous why is there porn oh my - just because you're trash doesn't mean you can't do great things it's called garbage can not garbage cannot I have found my senior Club here he comes here he comes here he comes look at his little feet I wanna hug him my history professor asked who we wanted to have as the next Pope and I timed in Oprah and my professor just stands there laughing for a solid minute before he whispers you're getting saved Jurgen saved everybody has been saved become better if you look under your chairs you'll find a brand new key to salvation do you want the good news first or the bad news good news first please Jack were naming a disease after you [Laughter] he's suffering now the French baguette did he take the first bite how does make a sandwich have 5000 notes how did you eat it you can control white people by giving them cheese cheese is good though I got one ah Mary Smith I remembered this in the shower this morning and I just sit down to keep myself from laughing too hard and slipping yeah I would too actually would you like fries with that oh yeah baby would you like to supersize that we're out of toilet paper what she says she's out of toilet paper what the fruitcake can we get some privacy here no a clown boy half clown half cowboy says yeah nothing makes a gamer more nervous than when the game auto-saves in a seemingly harmless location this is an awfully convenient collection of healing items why is all this ammo here where did all the enemies go this room has rather a lot of wide open space in it the music stops suddenly no no there it is that's an awful lot of bass and finally the one time I'm going to swear in a video because I have to for this we [ __ ] up

Channel: P.M. Seymour

Views: 873,810

Rating: 4.9588895 out of 5

Keywords: voice, audio, P.M. Seymour, aphmau, mystreet, comedy, reading, minecraft mystreet, dollastic, Social media, Tumblr, Late night Tumblr, Binge Compilation

Id: y5lPTOX9oDY

Length: 25min 3sec (1503 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 14 2018