It Came From Tumblr The Movie, The Threequel [Mega Binge Compilation]

well holy day jesus didn't think we'd do a third one of these and yet here we are my god it has been quite a journey doing more of these tumblr videos and we now have a third movie so huzzah a trilogy and please don't ask for a mega mega binge compilation that would probably reach critical capacity on youtube well yeah two plus hours of a look back of all the things we've done involving tumblr or anything close to it so sit back relax and enjoy the madness love you dude the word none is just the letter n doing a cartwheel how does a human even think of this historical footage of the last t-rex serving his country in ww1 but isn't that a jeep and the t-rex is holding a browning m2 which wasn't used until 1933. so i think this footage is actually ww2 ah yes you're right i'm very very sorry my mistake daisy stop you're gonna kill him look at his face he's expecting it he's got her right where he wants her you're gonna hit me better hit me hard better kill me of one shot do it [ __ ] end me i never thought of my life i would actually have to say [ __ ] in toad's voice but here we are okay first you're being a total dick right now fun fact the average person would walk past a murderer about 36 times in their life i like how this is called a fun fact it's fun because they didn't decide to murder you tumblr is like a group therapy with no therapist it's funny because it's true the thicker your thighs are the more kittens can lay on your lap this is the body positivity post i've been waiting for these bad boys can hold up to 20 kittens wait there's gonna be a king kong versus godzilla movie isn't godzilla like much bigger than king kong bulletproof and with an energy beam breath attack yes but king kong is monkey ah of course and it shall be a fair fight y'all keep saying that 2012 being the end of the world was a hoax but has any years since then actually felt real that stupid tardis sound actually has a really good point not to ruin anyone's day but skeletons can't walk around no freaking muscles or tendons foo it's magic who said that me today i learned that only 20 people have been boiled alive in the yellowstone national park but with your help we can change that for just a small monthly donation you can help us sacrifice the taurus to old faithful every single day so no head for every now this gets on running a mile never mind please no well if x accommodation is so important to disabled people then how do they manage years ago they didn't karen they died choose your fighter randy bow sprinkles kept chop spinch and penis i would personally mean ketchup hey what do you call this color gradient black to the fuchsia oh my god i can't believe libraries are just there like you could just go in and take stuff you can just walk out with it i got so much new stuff god put the librarian back please have a family i am their family now also being a scientist pretty much gives you a free pass to be as eccentric as you want like you'll be at a conference and it's like is that guy wearing socks and sandals and plaid pants yeah but he was on the team that discovered gravitational waves just let him be oh my god i once saw a highly respected mineralogist take a slice of watermelon put it between two halves of a bagel and eat it like a sandwich wow wow you aren't doing it wrong if no one knows what you're doing uh i mean damn oh my i forgot to introduce myself i am a mysterious old man well glad we made that clear on this day in history my indoor cat went outside for the first time finally understood his place in the universe so the photographer who did my senior photos found out i like anime and photoshop sebastian into one of them he's watching over you you're in safe hands you're definitely not in safe hands get away no no no no and finally why was pavlov's hair so soft because he conditioned it [Laughter] and now it is time for some more smoothie things if two mind readers are reading each other's minds whose mind are they actually reading adding cheese after any part of the human body sounds very gross and really makes you think i probably contains your social security number ip address and credit card number the amount of there are two types of people in this world quotes just prove that there are a lot of types of people in this world pain only exists to tell you it shouldn't be there cavemen a stereotype just sitting around and staring at the same thing all day but yet here you are water is pretty crazy it can boil you to death freeze you to death and drown you but you still need it to survive it takes less people to make you feel hated than it does to make you feel loved on reddit one of your posts may have one hundred thousand upvotes and ninety nine thousand nine hundred ninety nine down votes and you would never know and finally putting ice in your milk is seen as super weird until you even put a tiny bit of coffee in the milk then it's just an iced latte and this has been ch you know mantises are the closest living thing to centaurs i mean it checks out but don't ever say it again please i beg you i find it hilarious when you're the quiet introverted kid and the teacher always sends people who are too talkative in class next to you because they know you won't talk like bad and naughty children get put with a silent man to atone for their crimes i like the name silent man how to draw a sheep draw a cloud legs a circle for the head and there you have it a sheep please someone draw a sheep using these instructions wow this really helped i think this is the best sheep i've ever drawn oh my god it's cursed you're so dramatic i have no idea what you're talking about every time i burp it tastes like arby's and every time we kiss i swear i can fly oh no somebody once told me hands off my macaroni milwaukee pasta bennett found dead he was picking up the gun with his finger and his thumb raising up pointed straight at his forehead oh god what have i done every shonen character i'm 11 and i don't care if i die i mean have you ever met an 11 year old 11 year olds have the self-preservation of someone who has met god and wasn't impressed there are people in the world who don't think waluigi is the best mario character and that he doesn't deserve his own game isn't that astounding is he is he telling an entire stadium to suck his wee-wee his wallowing yeah nothing feels better than winning monopoly not love not sex not free pizza nothing ah i'm sorry have you tried pizza yes and it doesn't compare to owning half the board and watching the light die from your friend's eyes as you take their money and feel your friendship slowly deteriorate i like you gays are using windmills to waft homosexual myths into your home all right who told i think it was dave actually dave how could you mom making fun of me because you heard me talking to my cat who's asking if he had permission to be baby and asking for a spirit [Music] but he what humans see and what a dog sees oh it's a gay dog pride flag dude dog pride flag looks like principal skinner i hope you're all ready for an unforgettable gay pride parade sometimes i stop and seriously think about all the history that has happened right where i'm standing and i lose my mind a little bit that'll be 7.99 [Music] no but really short people are like so mean dude i got a lot of short friends and they kind of scare me us tall people are so nice and soft-hearted and everyone always picks on us for being tall and we're like yeah short people will easily start planning a murder if you pick on them it's because they're closer to hell dude cargo shorts are one of the ugliest clothes ever invented next to overalls cargo shorts are useful when you're meeting a white bear in the desert and have to carry gun oil condoms weed a crawler of craft beer and your 3ds xl with pokemon moon so just carry a purse oh hey man what's up all right let's go for a monk cheerio mate wanna have a cheeky pokemon fly lately please please please don't hurt me dude why does old english look like [ __ ] posting what's poppin jimbo that's a thorn that little half b half p looking abomination makes the sound that says thickness that is posting all right who the [ __ ] discovered time travel in 2019 i know it says 2017 will it stay relevant here okay okay the other night i tried to make curry and i got chili burns all over my face so i thought to myself hang on does it milk soothe chili burns it does and i couldn't google because i couldn't see it so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk and then plant my face in the bowl of milk anyway at the point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off which i didn't notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from my dairy prison i thought i got blood with jelly burns so i don't really cook much damn that's a journey yo shout out to all the black and white cats named oreo all the orange tabby's named tiger all the gray cats named smokey all the black cats named shadow and all the calico cats named patches oh and how could i forget the white cat's name snowball shout out to all the white cats named snowball my god babe like this boat and i will instantly teleport to your home and gobble up your shower carter and bye my my shower curtain is glass well crunchy mudder today do you think that will stop me he is fish after all i am so confused and also scared baby steps one of us only tells lies and only one of us tells the truth you may ask one question who is a good boy oh god damn it a single japanese radish gives enough energy to a human being to walk 28 feet and the second radish is 29 feet away y'all don't want a pretty girl to stomp on you you want a long and drawn out sword fight with flirty banter quit saying you want her to hit you with the truck you want her to do the thing where she gently lifts your chin with her sword while your heart pounds out of your chest and at the end when she has pinned you against the wall with her blade to her throat you want a heart-rending confession with his declarations of your undying affection and for her to finally throw her weapon to the side and pull you into a passionate and tender kiss stop lying i i think lp might be rejecting a bit you shoot your mouth right so what happens if you die in d indeed do you just stop coming to the sessions you die in real life it's true i've been dead about three times now man y'all really let kyle collect all six infinity monsters shaking my head now he'll be strong enough to punch a hole in half of all the drywall in existence what a shame it is time to cleanse your mind with the smorgasbord [Laughter] noodles and company would probably make a lot of sales if they delivered and started a marketing campaign with the hashtag send nudes dragon ball z is like a game kids play where they keep making up powers as they go so they can be slightly better than each other the only thing separating you from death at 65 miles per hour is a thin white line and a mutual agreement not to play bumber cars deadpool and wolverine could become the richest people in the world by selling their organs at the black market for a living the reason plankton stealing the crappy paddy secret formula was such a concern was because mr krabs was too cheap to patent it oh my god it all makes sense now when cell phones were new it was cool to have a fun or interesting ringtone today if your phone isn't permanently on silent mode you're a scumbag in 100 years there will probably be conspiracy theorists who believe that chuck norris facts were all true and that he's alive somewhere on earth roundhouse kicking trees for lumber the loud plastic wheels on garbage bins are made that way to remind everyone else that it's trash night maybe accidentally dropping something for no discernible reason is your player hitting the wrong button apple probably would have gotten a lot less backlash if they made the mac pro seven thousand dollars instead of six thousand dollars and thrown in the one thousand dollar stand for free and finally so the anime community calls large brass plot and yet i don't see anyone pitching the idea of calling big butts backstory and this has been [Laughter] ma'am this is an ooo free zone everyone who blogged this post with an oh wow or an ooh who was under arrest for crimes against humanity crimes against humanity i am going to break your fingers all the forms of english kept latin gender-specific suffixes for tour and tricks taurus for the man and tricks is for the women so a male pilot is an aviator a female pilot is an aviatrix a male fighter is a gladiator a female fighter is a gladiatrics this contrasts with the modern system where tord is for both men and women and tricks are for kids you are coming to my house i've come to inform you all that the ancient greeks spelt toth the egyptian deity as a woo hey thanks now die doth was the god of knowledge so wouldn't it be appropriate to ask oh whoa what's this don't like this post how is spring not everyone's favorite season the trees are pink bro they're pink allergies are paid bad but they're pink but it's hot i just heard a customer two aisles over ago hey i think this is that special glass that doesn't shatter when you drop it followed by the sound of shattering glass i hate retell yo reading is just staring at a dead piece of wood for hours and hallucinating hey please delete this me when somebody calls me unattractive excuse me i am a celestial being of pure joy and i am so attractive it hurts me when somebody calls me attractive i am a simple farmer cosplaying a trash can why do you say these things tonight thirsty rats blame for the disappearance of 900 000 liters of liquor yo mr rapper's wedding reception was off the freaking chain ugh i can literally hear this picture so can i and i hate it people really be grown and still using umbrellas why are you supposed to become waterproof after you turn 18 or something yeah get wrecked bianca for the potatoes the big difference from good old men's book to show is oh they're gay and oh they're gay today i learned there is no physical description of jesus in the bible false luke 2 52 he's larger than a baby by the description of him driving the money lenders from the temple we can also tell that he fit inside the temple which gives us an upper bound as well as a lower bound on his eyes it's been said that jesus christ was larger than a baby but smaller than a temple glad we got that narrowed down behold a man i would prefer to not behold a man thank you you already know what the french is going on i 100 do not the more i looked at this image the more confused i become son of a [ __ ] everything's real and now it is time for some smorgasbord thoughts i finally did it with a straight face a theory says that the universe once reached the limit of its expansion will shrink then implode causing another big bang if this is true our universe is most likely not the first someone at some point realized that lifting objects made them stronger just found out that spider sexual reproductive organs are on their forearms which changes literally every spider-man movie the cia can hack into your tv and listen to every word you say but mcdonald's can't hear you say no pickles through the drive-through speaker maybe powerful guys invented stupid conspiracy theories like the flat earth conspiracy to divert attention from real conspiracy theories that implicate them the cookbook industry could really benefit from scratch and sniff stickers it would take 10 days to become a millionaire if you earned a hundred thousand dollars a day it would take 27 years to become a billionaire perhaps the real reason why we haven't met any time travelers yet is because this era in history is perhaps not a very interesting place that time travelers would like to visit you have only three minutes to live but breathing extends it you can tell monopoly is an old game because there is a luxury tax and rich people go to jail and the show are you smarter than a fifth grader confirms that nothing the kids learned applies to life and dang this has been our thoughts smorgasbord thoughts god everything i learned as a kid is a lot bro i have one brain cell and it bounces around in my skull like a window screensaver but when it bounces perfectly in the corner i experience a thought turn right on east renhart street turn right on me eat this cake you freaking sword perhaps he doesn't want the entire cake perhaps he just wants a slice yo my family doesn't mess around when it comes to christmas cookies i'm sorry is your family of small country where is that horrifying picture someone got of the inklings mid squid to kid transition oh god i hate it put it back put it back no although they're typically perceived as gentle giants munching on leaves giraffes are fascinated by carcasses for example giraffe tosses dead wildebeest around in bizarre pictures well good morning to everyone except these long neck freaks all hail the mighty flash cloud there's just no context for this it's just it's here on the internet for some reason what fourth wall breaking games like undertale and doki doki literature club that mess with the game's files and window don't go far enough i want games that border on malware if you get the wrong ending it sends your nudes to your boss wait i'm self-employed you've heard of luigi's mansion now get ready for waluigi's apartment it's not haunted or anything waluigi just attacks all the other tenants with a vacuum cleaner yeah that sounds about right god i freaking love venn diagrams really because this has made me uncomfortable ma don't bring a splade into a cannot fight i throw my hands up in the air sometimes singing despacito you know what [ __ ] you in particular yeah that's fair how the hell do i talk to people stand in front of them and press a oh god accidentally jumped ah help him get his honey oh he's been a naughty bear no honey do you think this is a game korean students make a raft out of potato chip bags to prove they have too much air in them not the heroes we thought we needed but the heroes we really needed all along it's weird to think horses were ever pray animals because what freaking predator looks at an eight foot tall enormous beast with pitch black devil's eyes terrifying teeth and extremely powerful legs and things yeah let's go attack that one well moose are still prey animals so dude that's messed up a moose is like a horse with extra weapons would you rather they be predators sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry it is time to cleanse your mind with these shmoople thoughts by tumblr the word monopoly is made up of two prefixes that have opposite meanings cops try really hard to look like normal people while security guards try really hard to look like cops we talk to animals as if they can understand us when they have no concept of language yet we talk to babies and gibberish when they're actively developing language skills that feeling when you're smart enough to know how awkward you are but not smart enough to know how not to be awkward when a movie uses a jump scare to scare you it's like if a comedian started tickling you to make you laugh your existence could have started 30 seconds ago and all your memories could just be fabricated but you will never know it's 2019 and muffin wrappers are still not edible get on that a human skeleton only weighs about 10 kilograms or 20 pounds so an undead skeleton wouldn't be much of a threat using a dollar bill as a bookmark is less expensive than buying one how does that even work when science allows immortality those sentenced to hundreds of years in prison will actually have to serve that time and finally people who are shorter than average think the world is meant for tall people people who are taller than average think the world is for the short people people who are in average height just don't think about it and this has been smooth if you ever find a genie and you're really craving a dessert that looks like this do not say i'd like a lifetime supply of raspberry crowns while this is in fact the name of the pastry it's also the name of a species of wasp for some reason the genie being a nasty trickster will no doubt give you a bunch of wasps this is an oddly specific poster you okay do you need some help yeah i'm pretty sure paper mario wiki's dead ah the early 2000's were a lawless wasteland ah dang that's some good shirts right there i really like the green one just learned that the word ferret is derived from the latin word ferdis meaning little thief and that a group of ferrets is called a business and i am absolutely pleased with this new knowledge i'm enriched by this knowledge thank you why are they not called a guild you had a glorious opportunity to call them a guild of little thieves and you blew it yeah i just saw the headless horseman on skyrim but he was on foot running after his own horse god i love this game oh yes the handler's hoarseless man [Laughter] young adult things washing your clothes with your whites because you just don't care you just don't french toast and care i asked my brother for a glass of water and he brought me back a couple ice and said wait yeah i get it so you can cast a few spells am i supposed to be impressed no i i suppose not flying rifting guardsmen wow what a flex ah dumb heck guard flexes on your [ __ ] ass with forbidden talvani magic get rekt noob so my twin brother called me from prison and he said so you know how he used to finish each other's sentences jeff we talked about your username stop it my housemate is a geneticist and she plans to use her degree to create a goldfish-sized whale um did she also consider a whale-sized goldfish yes and the concept was deemed terrifying don't blame you drummer kid dude that where's the love for us kids that did absolutely nothing in high school yo keep his got a point i did not order this box of cat oh are you completing look at this face oh my god it's literally making the colon 3 face i want 20. when i first saw him i thought he was pondering on his reflection in the water but then i realized he's just begging for this drown to come to the surface so he could chuck him across the river like the sack of wet meat he is wow this caption got better and better with every word uh cat brains are so small but they fit so much bastard it's true they do the effin frog stands for friendship the aren't frog stands for respect the owen frog stamps are optimism the g stands for gay [Music] alex jones get off a tumblr you silly biscuit now it is time to cleanse your mind with these smooth pathepids by tumblr technically everyone has a last meal death row convicts are the ones who get to know which one is their last patrick made all of his furniture and working technology out of pure sand making him the smartest character in spongebob squarepants his genius was showing the entire time if you see a misspelled word enough times even the right spelling will seem off y'all did that to me with thick there's always that one song in your playlist that you always skip but never remove it doesn't matter how ugly you think you are corrected that for you thought mosquitoes think you're a snack a snake that is 3.14 meters long is a python we teach our kids that it is never okay to lie while constantly lying to them to preserve their innocence the letter a looks like a sharpened pencil if nutrition labels use minutes of running instead of calories as a unit of measure people would probably eat a lot healthier you know you're grown up when you have a party and there's more alcohol in your house after than there was before if you don't educate your kids the world will educate your kids for you for better or for worse one person's music is another person's noise there's potentially millions of videos that could have went viral but they've never been shared by the owner self-checkout was really made for people with social anxiety thank you world we say don't let the bedbugs bite but we really have no way of preventing bed bug bites while we're asleep we're completely at the mercy of our bedbug overlords and finally the iphone xs can also be read as the iphone xs which seems about right and this has been schmuppathidus by tumblr sponsored by android imagine if you will a fantasy world where there's a giant gate that stands between the world of light and dark guarding this gate is a giant skeleton who holds the gift to open the gate to those who seek passage his name is key court in 2030. do you swear to spill the tea the whole tea and nothing but the tea so help you regina oh yes the couch harvest is coming in nicely questions that keep me up at night is the stay puft marshmallow man from ghostbusters a kaiju like is it the i need to know silly anime idea a skateboard anime where all tricks are done in the style of initial d don't lie to me you'd watch the crap out of that this justin if you do not have a dad you have been adopted by me now brace yourself for dad jokes pizza and demands to finish your homework on time oh and uh undying love i guess yeah in pokemon sword and shield they don't use the insult sheepshaggers they use five things i want in breath for the wild too able to play as zelda and link less korok seeds time travel mechanics save data bonuses from breath of the wild one and zelda's hair to do the ghibli thing you know you want it yeah sometimes my brain feels like an over cluttered hard drive and trying to look up an item not for the sake of finding the item but where exactly the origin folder is like i know i heard this song somewhere but where the hell was it we here at youtube are network thriving with many different genres of entertainment and creativity that maybe we can all learn from and laugh also youtube yoshi's screaming for 24 hours seven days a week i watched like an hour of it before i got bored explain your favorite anime in the worst possible way ghibli reenacts the lorax my name is son and i speak for the trees shoot the deer and i'll break an ease here's a new challenge make a list of all the things you like about yourself and then keep that list close by when you're feeling down to read do it you won't americans have a new nickname and it's star spangled ding-dongs that's what captain america calls us long hey that's america's schlong to you when you stub your toe but youtube is watching you carefully son of a biscuit yo travis really lost his touch with the ladies false you got the best girl in the series also you never really had a touch he just uh kind of winged it and it worked like how most relationships are supposed to work write that down it is time to cleanse your mind with these meepo peoples the only part of you that doesn't age is the voice in your head before 1918 colorblind people had the same experience watching movies as everyone else sleeping on the couch is like cheating on your bed there must be thousands of people alive today who have exactly the right mindset physiology and motivation for successful life on mars except that they were born 100 years too early saying okay to everything someone says is like trying to skip npc dialogue and she's rude mike wazowski nodding is the same as him twerking the fact that there haven't been any internet challenges recently is evidence of their use as a tool for natural selection i think maybe we should start doing more challenges the man who invented the internet created more jobs than any other person on earth thank you internet man without you i would not be here this day ain't your feeling lily the guy in the song fireflies by owl city gets a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs so one in ten fireflies like him therefore he's pretty unpopular with fireflies and this has been oh look it's an image prompt gary i realize it's your first day but uh we do have a dress code i can't literally tell who was talking to who and i don't want to change that for a second who was the first man who first salted the slug what was he thinking to try roaming the lands pouring salt on god's creatures hoping for one which would die why does this work made this handsome boy a little while back but realized i posted him to ig but on tumblr his name is charlie and he lives in my closet man if an f7 looks great not every single long sentence is a song by fallout boy there are two ways to read this yes and here are the two not every single long sentence is a song title by fall out boy not every single long sentence is a song titled by fallout boy bye panic at the disco hey yo imagine waking up for church every sunday where you can get an entire year of worship done in one serving it it doesn't work like that wait it doesn't hello my baby hello my honey hello doctors my old friend oh god i hate this i hate this so much oh my god is this a kid or a sheep a shad don't call it that please you would not believe your arms if 10 million car alarms bled in the night as you tried to sleep you are the owner of a magic backpack every morning you stick your hand in it and it contains exactly what you need for the day one morning it contains a gun okay but isn't this the plot of dora the explorer swiper ain't swipe no more if you know what i'm saying oh he did dude shirts are crazy your body goes in one hole out of three excuse me we're no strangers to loss you know the pattern and so do i may god bring his wrath down upon each and every one of you all right good work today team let's pack it up but call our therapist it is now time to cleanse your mind with this meter theaters it's theoretically possible to flip a coin for infinity and always get heads if you get drunk you basically borrow your good mood from the next day to lightly touch someone is to hardly touch them if you live to 113 you can say you have experienced being a teenager twice the most unrealistic part about friends isn't the size of their apartments but the fact that the couch in central perk is always available for them western gunfights were probably held at high noon so the sun wouldn't be in anyone's eyes there could be a ghost aggressively break dancing next to you and you'd never know it wrestling is two guys without pants fighting for a belt ninety percent of the ads on spotify are about spotify premium making a horse wear a horse leather saddle is like making a human wear human skin shirts the night before day off is more satisfying than the actual day off you're probably constantly worrying about the next part of your life without realizing that you're right in the middle of what you used to look forward to one day graphics will become so real that the games will be all about gameplay again if harry potter was initially rejected by 12 publishers before someone printed it we could have missed out on so many more childhood shaping stories just because some people in suits decided they weren't good enough and the author gave up and finally who lives in a pineapple under the sea could also be answered with gary and this has been shh meter theaters is that what i said yeah schmeter theaters by tumblr you know you can tell a lot about a person based on the wear on their keyboard if the space bar has a smooth circle in the center they're a writer if the west keys are all worn out they're pc gamer if the z key has been burrowed through the keyboard to form a hole through the desk they're an artist and if the keyboard is on the floor in a million tiny pieces the user is a programmer if i ever have a son i'm going to name him altair just so when he's sad or mad i'll be like hey what's the matter you all day that's racist you're racist well i'm going to name him multi-air so when he comes home from school i'll be like what's new novice and when he tells me that he failed the test and that is why you always remain a novice in my eyes really this is what you guys are doing hey gamerphys so the goats at my work were being mean bad and naughty kids get shame orbs put on their heads oh and now they look like the pokemons i was curious about what the other side of the moon looked like so i googled it and i am so glad we got the side we did the moon's ass ugly you're so rude to miss boo the reason her ass is so up is because she's protecting us from meteors her face is beautiful so her ass can be disgusting and we can be safe rude someone who hasn't watched italia please care to explain this dude i've watched italian i can't explain this oh there's a witch in these woods is she single barely go and ask the four switch out on a date so my first born child has been stolen your wife taking care of your child is not stealing oh ship sailed why is every author a number one best-selling author why is every toothpaste the number one recommended toothpaste why do my parents hate me why is every movie the number one movie in america did he commit a crime where's the warrants ah no it's his last day at kindergarten it's for his mom oh good for you little baby commodore dragon man yes mr firefighter please run away from the fire you're supposed to put out oh sims never changed if i ever become famous enough to go on talk shows and have fan fiction written about my character i'm going to read fanfiction follow the authors of my favorite then go on graham norton or some show and discuss it in enough detail for the author to know i'm talking about their story and then end with so now i follow them on tumblr and wait for them to freak out this is evil i love it people are lazy and will never do any kind of work for free meanwhile minecraft players right that's that's that's that's in minecraft somebody made that what whenever i'm sad i just imagine a bunch of tiny versions of myself working inside of my body that sing and push blood cells around and have romantic encounters and have sword fights with bacteria and have so much fun keeping me alive i'm gonna take care of myself for the tiny people inside me thank you little friends now i'm no expert but i'm pretty sure that is just the show cells at work right imagine a dnd game but everyone talks like golf announcers and you just soft clap when someone rolls a 20. ah great swing from the barbarian absolutely beautiful and i do believe yes that'll be enough damage from the rogue sneak attack to kill the dragon varying the black house pull the head in the kill shot tally for this campaign in his stupendous way well done although his overall damage is still behind synax the sorcerer true that's very true it's hard to compete with synax gratuitous use of area effect spells truly outstanding anything yes yes grog the orc has rolled the 20 very very beautiful you know there's always that speculation that the orcs are blockbusting [Music] i would like to clarify that that's not true most of the time some of us actually aspire to be different things and i feel like i could be one of those ones that could you know break some new round you know what i mean i mean like you look at me and think that i was built for battle and believe me that is what my father set out for me and i just was not a fan of it at all my brother certainly was when he came home for the first time with the skulls of his enemies at school it just i don't know it creeped me out it really did i don't know because i was young at the time but just was not me so i i pursued different things i i wanted to write so i wrote my first book about you know growing up in my household and let's just say my father was not a fan of it mainly because well i talked about other things besides war and you'd think he would be mad about the things i insulted him in fact he actually told me he liked that part um unfortunately the the first book didn't do so well it got canned because it only only spent circulation among the tribes and let's just say maybe i uh i did get a little angry i found the first negative critiques home and i uh well i i i i broke his house a little bit just a little not not enough that he couldn't possibly go back to it but enough to send a message to him you know what i mean uh you know when i did that that was the first time my dad ever told me he was proud of me and the irony one time i finally get mad and my dad is happy and honestly i didn't know how to feel about that at the time but hey orcs be works you know what i mean bro do you mind if i like put my minecraft bed next to yours like bro we we have to cuddle unless you want to it's it's a joke bro right right i'm sorry there's a blackout you can't go any farther until it's fixed then where the hell that stale back egg going look at your wrist see the bluish veins the blood flowing through them contains hemoglobin a protein that has four iron atoms incorporated into its structure iron is only naturally produced in one place it can only be forged in the core of dying stars every time you look at your veins remember that you are built from and kept alive by pieces of stardust [Music] catfish simultaneously look like they possess infinite knowledge of the universe and like they have just the methi playing in their head non-stop [Music] i now bound you to win holy macaroni oh my god i need this ring i need it right now in my life somebody somebody proposed to me with this ring do it name one difference between birds and children children have eyebrows think again why does snoop dogg smile like he knows something you don't he's been snooping around get out a biblical themed restaurant called the garden of eden one of the menu items is just a forbidden fruit when i try to order it they kick me out well maybe you should have learned from the bible's nintendo wii boat do you ever think about that probably didn't did you in an effort to keep the cats from getting fur all over clean quilts i'm going to try to apply the if there's a circle a cat will sit in it maxim by hoping that if there is a different color box of blanket on the pad they will lie on it update it took less than a minute for them to find and lie on it mission success cats are dumb so i was playing the sims and it was all cool right then i see something moving across the floor like bruh is that a freaking plate thinking about a dishwasher what oh the dirty plate wants to get clean a female dragonborn paladin with the noble background is the ultimate switch she can be the knight the princess or the dragon as circumstances require now i'm just imagining a scenario where through a series of misunderstandings she's hired to rescue herself from herself well doesn't that just have sitcom writing all over it like oh yeah i i saw the princess hang on let me just uh let's go over here in the room for a second witches and cowboys are the same entity but just separated at night and day i'm sorry could you kindly elaborate on that please certainly big silly hats dangerous aura one slash guns midnight slash high noon robe slash ponchos stockings with boots slash traps with boots magic incantations slash yee haw and slangs bruise potion bruise alcohol ride brooms at night because horses are sleeping ride horses at day because brooms are recharging and can't swim also moonshine is an alcoholic potion brewed by witches and cowboys moon to represent the witching hour and shine for sunny high noons my god somebody somebody wrote a story about this now oh my god i love the kids that share too much information today a girl came in with her mom to order food and i told her i liked her dress and she said thanks my mom stole it from target so precious like three minutes what did i do why do you eat me oh it's okay header oh i know how anxiety feels today i learned there are nerve endings that exist only to recognize a gentle stroking touch their activation decreases the heart rate and activates the smile muscle their optimal speed is three to five centimeters a second which means we are genetically wired to cuddle and caress each other at predetermined velocities so um anyone want to gently stroke me at three to five centimeters a second i just called my new boss by the wrong name in a meeting in front of everyone what happened next awkward silence from everyone nobody corrected me i eventually found out a few minutes later when someone called them by the right name call him by the wrong name again but a different one than you just used no column by the same wrong name again but forcefully and with eye contact you're the boss now introduce yourself by his name and call him by your own name you're the boss now my girlfriend is on a cruise so while she's gone i'm gonna cut the sleeves off all my shirts why she's pretty much 85 of my impulse control oh my god how to summon a dad make a circle out of power tools screwdrivers and wrenches will do in a pinch place a pair of socks inside sandals in the middle of the summoning circle chant hi hungry i'm dad over and over and touched the thermostat oh people calling each other other romantic pet names sarcastically at first but gradually developing into genuine heartfelt affection as the story and their relationship progresses is potentially lethal to the likes of lovey-dovey [ __ ] such as me dude the switch from a girl worth fighting for to coming upon a decimated village in mulan is the most kick in the teeth mood change in all of cinema that scene shift did more for our generation's understanding of the horror of war in 10 seconds than game of thrones did in eight seasons and it did it without showing us a single dead body just a doll that's it i'm covered in blood for sexy reasons also i just got stabbed don't suppose there's a anyone here willing to tenderly clean stitch and bandage my wounds while calling me an idiot in an exasperatedly fun tone of voice is there extremists kidnapped an american journalist in iraq they're about to execute the poor soul named clark kent dude imagine him trying to talk out of it just so they won't find out his identity when they're inevitably unable to kill him and he succeeds and it turns into the story of this brave journalist who convinced his captors to let him go r bruce sees this on one of the news and is just rubbing his temples and sighing before going to save him or asking someone else to do it and this turns out that this scenario happens every often to the man of steel alfred i'm going to the middle east before terrorists find out clark is superman is it tuesday already master bruce and the robins are taking bets on who succeeds first clark talking his way out batman rescuing clark or superman just appearing and [ __ ] blocking the rescue introducing pre-cracked egg finally why is his neck like that i enjoy bones healing stronger after they break is like when your mom does a double knot when tying your shoes your body's like there because you're a clumsy frick conclusion break all your bones here twice as strong that's that's just my hero academia hasn't it gonna go stay in a creek do you guys need anything yeah i need you to find a leaf and gently set it in the water and watch solemnly as it floats away why have we all done this the eyes of god brohodna cave bulgaria here it is at night pretty sure the first picture is also at night but super cool regardless oh no he's here hey what's up he'll never get to drive the molten steel tractor why even live forbidden french onion soup i don't understand the big obsession with pop punk i can't hear you over how much i hate my town right now thanks character says i like bread that one time fandom character has an obsession with bread bread is character's true love draws character is bread every meta joke in fanfiction is about bread the character's room is wallpaper with bread this is literally what happened with travis and tacos guys nintendo we can't have alcohol in our child's gambling games oh but we have a solution vacation juice pour it into isabel's mouth you filthy animal dude being a pessimist is great i'm always either right or pleasantly surprised hey look it's the optimistic look of pessimism oh god the paradox is high in this one justin mcelroy has said many powerful things but honestly no set of words in the english language conveys the same energy as that's a funny trick to play on god you're rearranging deck chairs in the titanic my friend is a very close second we can do whatever sins we want there's no god here to observe us is very good too the man who sleeps with a machete is a fool every night but one was also really good justin you're a blessing on this world how crazy is the english language that raccoon eating grapes could be literally just a raccoon eating grapes or grapes eating raccoons my god i don't like my language anymore ah look at this absolute baby about at work the other day she absorbed the secrets of the orange and cannot handle what she learned weakling fool that you are she is gaining the oranges understanding and therefore it's anger i mean yeah it's a rather pale orange it's probably mad y'all there's a massive spider on my ceiling and i don't know what to do about it did you try turning it off and then on oh damn it is that how you beat sister location anyone else every day dream for six hours straight and then after you're just like now let's scrap that do that all again bro like slightly to the left my god who is reading my life where i stay hydrated or else side effects may include headache nausea suicide cramps spontaneous combustion and anal rash meanwhile the people in the medication ad are just having a great time such a great time god damn it i wish puberty took you to a customize your character screen do you realize how many people would be dragons you say that like it's a bad thing so am i i can't talk right now i'm being chased by a lit trail of gone powder hey what's that pouring out of your pocket oh my god is moona lisa single is macklemore investing his money wisely is i'm just upside down w or am i going crazy is masterpiece theater real is my dad alive.com is making out with a piece of a meteor gay what the [ __ ] is wrong with the internet a clown boy half clown half cowboy says this is it this is the worst post i've ever seen my own two eyes are cursed meanwhile early video game development great did you figure out what to put at the end yeah we put this tough nasty mean ugly monster that the player has to beat and we made sure killing the monster feels as rewarding as possible cool so what's it called the boss why is it called that okay so you guys know how incredibly sexy go go suit is right that cat suit's so freaking tight around her thousand but obviously meant to be hot on purpose you know for a dozen remover just remember this little kid designed that just remember that hmm diagnosis puberty i mean yeah or just get understanding good taste because gogo was honestly the best character about the movie am i right or am i right okay bye bye there's something morally wrong with pikachu's mouth this is a sign of demonic possession and somebody needs to help him i'ma give him teeth to see if that helps why are they human teeth if you had a room with absolutely nothing in it and the wall ceilings and floor were made of mirror what would it look like in the mirrors no holy crap i asked my dad who's a physics teacher and he just looked at me looked at the table looked at me tried not to smile looked angry and started to look up where you can buy big mirrors oh my god i need results macbeth upon his mac death took his final mick breath ah reading this herd macduff's life became mctuff when he saw through mcbitty's mcbluff you weren't there and this is why you can't say the m word on stage you guys ever think about how many eggs breakfast places like ihop or denny's go through like dude dude i'm i'm sorry i have the boublonic plague i can't hang out tonight ah rats okay uh cis male tall and lanky brown hair that i always hide under my hat i don't leave anywhere without it italian japanese kind of a nervous wreck terrified a ghost and my favorite color is green oh my god would date you you sound adorable you fell for the luigi trap now i am your boyfriend so my girlfriend is really country and i'm extremely punk rock what do i do throw in her marshmallow baptizer with the music of our people your mental illness is all in your head where did you think it was my ass um everybody knows mental illness is stored in the huevos mental illness is the powerhouse of the cell oh my god i hate this joke so much ah yes i love the phanaf humans fungi crying child older brother and killer grape fuji quads uh did you mean for hugo gots oh oh oh my bad oh the home star one of weft wins so what if doorbells went dong ding instead of ding dong hey don't say something like that any cookie is bite-sized if you try hard enough um any cookie is bite-sized if you try hard enough i can't stop thinking about batgirl's bathroom the tub is literally in front of the door why is everything on one side of the bathroom is the rest of it all just empty okay everyone in the notes is arguing that the tub is on wheels or that's not a door but no one is mentioning that she keeps the raw plunger on the floor yo and what about that rug that seems to be laid underneath the toilet good lord this is like one of those how many mistakes can you spot in 60 seconds puzzles did this comic artist not know how a bathroom works hi welcome to olive garden would you like olive or garden barn falling off into a swamp photo by peter stratmon you have years ago you told me that signing up for this site meant i would someday empathize with a barn i would have laughed so hard now god dang it it's relatable reverse werewolf turn into the moon when you see a wolf um you i don't like you so imagine james potter getting wasted and making a bet with sirius that he could totally transform into his animagus shape no biggie and it goes fine but then he's too drunk to change back and muggles get confronted with this really drunk deer roaming the streets pursued by a man who cannot stop laughing these these are the best and these are the stories i wish harry potter told centaurs have six limbs and therefore our insects discuss oh this i don't like this why is there a pentagram on your floor okay first of all mom it's not a pentagram and second what are you doing in my apartment oh sh i summoned my mom my god it's a parentagram wow congrats on doing what ed and al could not [Laughter] the root of all stomach problems avoid these three foods look at me it'll be a cold day in hell before i give up eating banana skeletons hey guys i think my sink is clogged i'm deleting my blog did you make an unintentional rhyme oh god i love bees they're very important for the ecosystem and they're cute my gunny please don't hurt me hey hey i'm reporting this post because i'm in it and i don't like it the council has assembled we will finally decide who is the truest good boy when you do something embarrassing in front of a lot of people i must go before i commit more stupidity matilda is the kids bob version to carry her words i never thought i would hear or see and yet here i am unable to unthink it now okay but have you considered carrie is the hbo version of matilda oh frick excuse me i'm bi i'm homeless i have radiation poisoning and i'm new in one town i think my housemate is blasting party in the usa we're in scotland he is scottish it is 4 30 a.m hey everyone was american on 4th of july the bbc's sound effects department 1927. oh yeah it's another noise night with the boys dude i love a guy that is just straight up holding a gun here's a brute tip for all you gamers out there oh god that hurt to say glue a tiny mirror over your driver's license photo so when you hand it to the police they'll get confused and arrest themselves instead mooney wormtail padfoot and prongs or alternatively professor scabber snuffles and dad or alternatively dead dead dead and dead hey [ __ ] you the atoms that make up my body aren't mine it's just my time to use them um mom said it's my turn with the carbon wow purple skeleton's going the extra mile he's being extra spooky this year yeah what kind of owl was hedwig did you mean what kind of owl is hedwig oh google's still in denial can we stop shipping real people can we like not do that anymore ever uh last time i checked that was called human trafficking and it was illegal um i may or may not have just been informed that is not what this tax post is about even in the slightest sorry a barbarian warlord a goblin king a mighty necromancer and a dark elven high priestess meet for one reason to play suburbs and suv the hottest mundane suburban family tabletop rpg roll a d20 to file your taxes guys i just saw like the biggest iphone ever technology is just moving too fast for me tablet it was a [ __ ] camp tablet i'm sorry yo when tumblr gets inevitably deleted let's all go on one giant google doc we would all have to maybe each type with a unique color or perhaps some other way of making our text entirely unique and recognizable or perhaps something unique about our typing styles something perhaps that one might call quirky this is the homestuck police put your hands in the air i i don't know how to tell you this doc but i'm afraid of the backstreet boys hmm tell me why me adulthood is when you get excited for picking out the exact correct size of tupperware when putting away the leftovers as a blind person you can never be a hundred percent sure that you're alone in a room the universal measurement for carpet dirtiness is how loud it crinkles when you vacuum it why is that accurate all streaming services need a nap button assigned to the remote controller that instantly puts on your favorite show to nap to so if you're drifting off during a new series you just hit one button and boom your nap show is on writing a book is remixing a dictionary a ton of whales is really only like half a whale during the first movie donkey was constantly annoying shrek in his swamp never left him alone and eventually shrek just gave in and accepted it donkey is literal unrelenting swamp ass humans don't use the brain the brain uses the human body stephen hawking has one of the most recognizable voices yet we have never heard it having a child basically ends your role as the protagonist of your life and you become a secondary character in theirs and then people start referring to you as the child's parent and like yeah brutal dad joke the fact that magicians do what they do without magic is way cooler than if they could actually use magic that's a good point actually and finally if you're really good at lying or impersonating someone and love doing it people think you're a sociopath unless a camera is on and then you're an oscar nominee [Music] shower thoughts well they're soul mates and then there are salt mates when you and another person have an unbreakable bond by being salty about the same things hey that's like 99 of my friendships what up here's a pro tip about relationships you can call them all sorts of cheesy sheist and they have to sit there cause they love you i call my boyfriend lover if i ask him who's the cutest boy in the whole world he has to stand there whole six feet of grown ass man with a news anchor voice and say i am oh i call my very intimidating and hard-ass butch girlfriend my sweet potato and she just melts i love everyone's reply to this pose but this was the best wheel of fortune puzzle h e blank blank o category greeting contestant i'm spinning wheel five thousand dollars it's l pat says there's no l my god this is a her novel barely laughing myself the freak is a texas bender it's lasso um in texas we've been propane and propane accessories they basically team up with the fire nation and cause them hell god i wish pokemon were real beedrill is like three feet tall yeah but let's be real here if i meant i could live in a world with completely free healthcare and take tours across the entire countries on foot with superpowered animals or something else companions i would fight a hundred freaking beedrill at once naked with only a butter knife damn literally name one thing that's better than a dog uh two dogs [ __ ] you're right cool idea bind all controls of a game to the same key and see what happens when you press it i'm not gonna do it don't don't don't do this ever again the greatest trick the devil ever played was getting me banned from an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet why'd you get banned touch the rat what what rat chunky cheese i think he met chucky for something about chunky cheese sounds way better quote the raven swagalore freestyle rapping at my door oh god dang it it's a homestuck reference again my god it's bones malone and the spooky boys rattle them boys music is just wiggling air don't don't do this don't do this to me today and color is just wiggling light thanks for coming to my ted talk so artists and musicians are just magicians of the wiggle oh my god what have you done for millennials dragons have raided and pillaged human villages for gold lately however they heard of something called wages where humans will just give them gold for doing jobs now yes capitalism saves the day you mean instead of spending an hour burning down the entire village and maybe stealing a hundred gold pieces all you want me to do is just spend ten minutes lightly breathing under the forges and you'll give me 25 pieces each week like that day every week how will you afford this well we won't have to rebuild the village once a month for starters english is a difficult language it can be understood through tough thorough thought though you need to stop do you ever just stop and think would my favorite character actually like me as a person hey do you ever just stop and think would i like this character if they were a real person in cartoons when they watch the tv are they watching cartoons or regular television oh my god yellowstone the mist surrounding the bison was because they had just crossed a river their body heat in the cold air caused the water to turn to vapor ah ghost bison there's actually a really very simple scientific explanation ghost bison hey reblog if bird picture a bird oh crap uh y'all aren't supposed to see this hold on you all better stop re-blocking this post it ain't done yet show us the bird hold on i'm looking give us the bird bird located oh this bird picture far exceeded my expectations well done i love it oh hey thanks man it is time to cleanse your mind with these schmutuba booze by tumblr and reddit the child of a mermaid and a centaur has a one in four chance of being a normal human the 2010s will be over in six months oh no the person who first discovered that coconut could be eaten must have experienced deaths of hunger many will never know one day you will place your last minecraft block if we genetically modify cockroaches to taste like potato chips our descendants scrounging for food and the post-apocalyptic wasteland we leave them might not hate us quite as much with all the predictions that matt groening has gotten correct of the simpsons it's entirely possible that futurama is predicting the year 3000 and we will never know the most incredible part of the magic school bus is that there are only eight kids in the class hmm voldemort is lucky he didn't need glasses the fact that we all want to see a giant civilian raid on a military base suddenly shines a light on why we had so many wars in the past probably the most unrealistic thing about spy movies is when someone gets the usb drive in the port on the first try and finally you can't write the digits of pi backwards and this has been by tumblr and reddit garny can swim in lava but where's oven mitts to bake cookies hey square mom needs to set a good example for a fragile me child be careful who you call ugly in middle school not because they might get hot or something but because it's mean jerk all right someone who doesn't know anything about good omens please explain this image dramatic gay goth dares god to smite him down because of minor inconvenience whilst english major sophisticated gay husband and their children look on um excuse me he said someone who didn't know anything about good omens i feel like i'd enjoy being an assassin if i didn't involve killing people what if instead of killing people you get hired to just ruin their day like the mafia or someone paid you to park behind someone's car so they can't back out of a spot when they're in a rush in the morning and you make them late for work oh i would enjoy that immensely there is a long list of people that i would gladly do that to without payment i think this is how low dear supervillains start the world's tallest vampire count everest mount dracula well wouldn't mind if i do what oh oh no yo i just tried to take a mint like a freaking ibuprofen you snorted a mint boy i don't trust asexuals because their brains are not distracted by the matters of the flesh where is all that brain power going i bet it's going to the overmind where they are gathering strength to consolidate their hold over the world you know too much warning there is a cutie on the loose last seen browsing tumblr probably reading this post right now description it's you you're the cutie place yourself under arrest immediately bro are you still gay yeah my contract actually just got extended thanks for asking you know what i wanted more than anything else as a child one of those ice cream pops from that episode of ed and nettie i wanted one of these [ __ ] so bad but my like you can't fill our whole fridge with water fruit and i'm still mad not gonna lie man they do look good even when the banana is still a whole banana inside that bob minecraft two enderman actually snapped your character's neck i mean that's basically what he does already yes but now you actually hear the next snap oh today i learned that adobe doesn't like when people use photoshop as a verb instead of saying that image was photoshop they want you to say the image was enhanced using adobe rare photoshop software do we have to pronounce the r symbol 2 yes i just did get to it batch and finally how to ruin a food imagery biscuits and gravy but it's the uk term for biscuits hey you want to hear a sentence that you either have no idea what it means or you'll hate me for making me remind you of it draw a circle that's the earth my god what have you done really excited to go up to the mountain with my dad to sacrifice a lamb looks like he forgot to bring the sacrifice but i'm just happy to take a walk with him hey o.p any updates hey opie masterposts of fish names i really like delta smelt boops sweet lip emperor wahoo and slippery dick well i can say it's a fish heart reflection king fisher jesus i thought those were its legs making my way downtown honestly the concept of doppelgangers is scary but if i saw myself i probably wouldn't be that terrified like i know she can't run for more than three minutes straight i know she can't do basic maths she's not gonna do anything she doesn't even know what day it is self-depreciating humor at its finest get yourself some pam belpa herger am i and this killed me dude this knocked me back into a high just to kill me reblog if your url represents who you really are i am really putin's girlfriend then we have a problem i can explain it when i was 12 my sister told me that greek people went extinct and that's why we learned about greek mythology in school and i was like but there's a greek boy in my class and she told me that he didn't exist she's not wrong uh okay fun fact the word panic is actually from the greek greek oh my god the word panic is actually from the greek word pentecost which is referring to the greek god pan who apparently shout at people who are alone in the woods and freak them out oh snap those are career goals don't look at me in that tone of voice what biology tells you you're seventy percent water chemistry tells you you're sixty percent oxygen physics tells you you're 99.99999 percent empty space and i tell you you're 100 a cutie dad as lame okay but what if homie we went over this like a hundred times yesterday and we totally resolved it yeah but i like looked at it from a new angle and there's like 20 more reasons why you should be worried about it go on big bang theory is awful for obvious reasons but honestly shout out to them for inventing bazinga so i have a word i can drop to any conversation for a one-hit kill bazinga and everypony are the closest we'll ever get to real dragon shots carve this into your mind dovahkiin hello everypony bazinga now shouts every pony pussinga reminder that my roommate once painted alexander hamilton as ham well now i'm just sitting here imagining helpless but she's holding ham hamilton the entire time total drama was way ahead of its time it really was okay campers i heard from an anonymous source that somebody told the government we're going to storm area 51. not cool dudes paladin when you're kind of feeling cleric but also want to stab sword sora when you want to be a caster but you don't want to be a nerd bard when you've never made a decision in your life and you don't intend to start now warlock when you're not quite ready to admit you're into cryptids like that druid when honestly you'd rather be on the floor petting the dm's cat but they made you play and this is the best thing you guess fighter when all the weird puzzles [ __ ] it bores the snorlax of you and you'd rather stack dice till the fighting part gets he rogue when you've never solved the problem in your life and in fact have cost many and you're just fine with that honestly me circa early 1800s paying a stable boy a few coppers to ride overnight to deliver you an urgent letter with a thick wax seal that after you struggle to break it just says [ __ ] in tiny little writing no no no no no you don't understand the true level of spiteful here the sender of a letter didn't pay for the post in 1800 the receiver did you just made your enemy pay for the privilege of being insulted i'm starting to see why messengers were getting shot writers always know exactly where they're going with their work are you sure no writer does anything by mistake it's all very strategic are you sure they use symbolism in everything for example a simple sentence symbolizes directness are you sure the best moments in writing is when you discover you did something absolutely genius by complete accident honestly minecraft is a good game and i'll never forgive the internet for making people feel bad about liking the game about mining and building houses you know what good post obie remember to drink water babes no then become the dirt i walk on every post like this hits me so hard because op always swings back with a new type of bat and i'm never prepared for it this is obviously a misunderstanding you knocked a cyclist off his bike with a pool noodle no i didn't yes you did you it is time to cleanse your mind with spoot by tumblr have you ever thought about how evaporation is just upside down raining the most unrealistic part of phineas and ferb was that they had 104 days of summer vacation and then school comes along just to end cats 2019 has absolutely no right to look that god-awful but still get to have jennifer hudson sing memories that beautifully who made her do that game of thrones is now just a song of ice and fire fan fiction with a very very large production budget at night in the woods a little girl's laugh is much more horrifying than a lion's roar people don't celebrate your birthday as much when you get older because the novelty of you existing has worn off out my feelings in an alternative reality neo takes the blue pill john wick is the resulting timeline the longer the haircut the shorter the haircut damn texting someone next to you is the new whispering and finally according to dinosaurs we live in a post-apocalyptic world and this has been by tumblr [Music] he's sleeping on the charger to get warm my heart my heart oh my goodness that is the cutest thing i ever did see i want you guys to take this in perspective that is a macbook charger those are relatively small and he just fits precious babies the sun is probably the closest thing we'll ever have to a true eldris abomination all right hear me out here older than recorded history was here longer than any of us and we'll be here long after we leave has a finite beginning and end but is still incomprehensibly ancient burns itself into your vision instantly and can blind you if you look for too long further prolonged exposure can cause cancerous growths non-humanoid shape floating through space colossal flaming tentacles angrily lashing out on occasion sort of just appeared one day and is now surrounded by the corpses of its stillborn children people used to sacrifice other people to appease it pretty sure it screams at us sometimes no no no no no man the moon is where it's at source of countless religions and traditions where we get the idea that three is a magic number from waxing full and waning follows you in cars humans design calendars around it pock-marked witchy face gunpowder smell produces none of its own light one side kept in perpetual darkness mapped in latin the language of witches and moves the ocean where mostly witchy creatures live okay guys you're both right country rats wearing hats while i go give them pets to west virginia i love drinking gatorade in a jar why it restores half my hp my three-year-old said our cat needed some rocks eh cat seems to agree look the only live-action disney remake i want is the emperor's new groove and i want there to be no cgi i want cusco to be played by two actors in a cheap llama costume my god i throw money at that movie there are snakes in my boots yeah i love conventions imagine roughly a million people realizing yeah we could storm a government facility and they literally would not be able to stop us all and not using that knowledge to overthrow the government post that put me on a list where do tv shows get this idea that high school is constant drama nothing even freaking happened to me in high school okay now i'm remembering that my school got a slurping machine and then had to get rid of it two weeks later after someone poured toxic chemicals into it that they stole from the science lab and attempt to poison the entire tubing squat so like maybe i was just boring where do tv shows get this idea that high school is emotional drama it's all chemical warfare and espionage oh yeah now this is what i'm talking about oh my god i hate this site i don't need a tutorial to write a text post it's like a wise man once said tumblr may teach you to post but they cannot teach you to post that wise man well let's say he's off somewhere sleeping while his sticks are burning [Music] your sticks buzzfeed 25 things you didn't know about harry potter try me [ __ ] you are angry about something clam down i text you you assume i made a typo but in fact i'm holding a small soldier clam in my hands he died so young war as hell today i learned the first website on the internet was a page explaining what the internet is and how to make web pages it was like the tutorial for the internet we all skipped i don't need no tutorial on how to use yet life advice number one if you experience a breakup wrap yourself up in blankets eat chocolate ice cream and watch horror movies works every time i i'm a solid testimonial to that statement does work asexuals are confused bisexuals are confused pansexuals are confused homosexuals are confused heterosexuals are confused everyone is confused as to why you think you should have a say about a relationship that doesn't involve you this this ended so nicely and also how to do taxes we're we're confused about how to do taxes too writing style author from the 1800s with a severe love of commas whose sentences last half a page i came out here to this point to this place hoping against all hope and despite signs and portends suggesting otherwise that i might somehow find myself having a pleasant experience and yet here i stand alone against the world feeling assaulted attacked on all fronts knowing not my enemy's name nor his face nor whether our battle is done is that i came here to have a good time and i honestly feel so attacked right now but by oscar wilde yes it was exactly that behold a goth out of every pun and play on words i've seen on this site this is the one that makes me so unreasonably angry it is time to cleanse your mind with these [Applause] by tumblr a plantain is a potato pretending to be a banana fahrenheit is based on how humans feel celsius is based on how the water feels and kelvin is based on how the molecules feel in 500 years time this will probably be known as the oil age a lot of people still sing the alphabet song to remember what letter comes next many people's lives are simply one long trip between two hospitals everybody remembers a conversation in which they mildly embarrass themselves and are most likely the only person who remembers that conversation whenever someone enters the ocean the sea level rises some amount speed runs are about spending the smallest amount of time possible playing a game but to be good you have to play the game for a really long time having a tattoo of an icebreaker will probably be a great conversation starter fortnite stole creative mode note blocks and 12 year olds from minecraft and minecraft got him back you know you're an adult when being the oldest is no longer cool and finally when you die your skeleton begins to hatch and this has been demonic screeching noises by tumblr are you straight or gay or bi or what i'm definitely what one more down thousands to go what a vague and potentially concerning caption will you allow me to share some knowledge with you all even if it makes me sound like a dumb ass stoner smoking weed out of a bong requires all four of the elements how does it require earth you know what a plant is right this is what you people think you look like when you eat honey but in reality you're just eating bee vomit and stealing it laying on legs you're right the reason i eat honey is because i want to look like a mighty hawk soaring through the heavens re-share if you have a dark side i'm resharing this because i too have a dark side it's called a shadow idiot now shadow is the black and red one don't you know anything about sonic inside we are all wizards and we all know a spell called love it does 60 12 necrotic damage the moon is proud of you and so are the stars and so is the sun the aliens are watching you a little confused by your life choices but i'm proud of you too yo let's raid area 51 to say thank you to the aliens let's go boys and this is why you're all idiots apply garlic to a freshly open cut or burn to immediately intensify the pain tumbler i am literally begging you to let me re-blog your sh post ads please i always forget that vampires do exist in the harry potter universe and it's like voldemort i thought you wanted to be immortal with horcruxes you could have just been a vampire my theory is that voldemort just really really likes garlic you know i know this is a joke but you can kill a vampire with a wooden steak which is just a thing that most wizards have on them at all times oh that actually makes a lot of sense why is it so small it's a baby thank you science side of tumblr so what if we all start using the cats movies to make those crying cat memes instead like this hey what if you chucked your bones off of a bridge op you ever thought about that get douche out of my face oh the pose the power the presence perfect behold a perfume bottle consisting of eight enameled glass bottles as orange segments set in a painted ceramic holder ca 1925. yo why didn't 1925 people get a thousand percent cooler product packaging than we do well when crack is allowed in literally everything people get creative what the frank there's a north dakota there's a south dakota i thought it was just dakota the reason there's a dakotas to make sure we balance both canadian and midwest energies one dakota would spell the end times oh gee sorry we ended the world eh did i even mention that time me and my friends combined forces to form will smith yeah this kind of [ __ ] is when you quit the match because this team is way too well coordinated yeah i would fold right away what is it about being on a plane that makes people go buck wild for ginger ale literally everyone be ordering it um ginger ale's supposed to help settle your stomach if you're nauseous so people get it on planes if they get plain sick ginger grows in the ground so it keeps you connected to god's earth while you're thousands of feet up in the heaven tube some of us just like ginger ale man you know we make a lot of jokes at the expense of furries on this site but let me be clear if there were a couple furries on the sonic design team we wouldn't be in this mess yo and i'm bringing this back for the catch trailer just one furry just one furry could have prevented this monstrosity yoink is the opposite of yeed but it's just as fast the lord heateth and the lord yoinketh away ye old beyblade let thou rip don't invite me anywhere last minute i enjoy doing nothing so i need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed take notes on that please bears have absolutely no right to be as cute as they are i want to hug them and pet them their big fluffy dog super-sized this thing is one of the most dangerous predators in north america is bulletproof and it could kill me a milliseconds without breaking a sweat and just just look at his big old paws and his big old nose i'm going to defeat you with the power of friendship and this gun i found as i think about it now kids maybe the real treasure was this gun i found along the way i walk this lonely road in my bag i have a giant toad don't know where it goes but it's only me and this giant toad okay hear me out playing a healer is not actually bottoming for gamers it's definitely topping or at the very least power bottoming you decide who lives and dies playing tank on the other hand that's bottoming you take hits for everyone else and beg healers for heels oh daddy i'm squishy for heelies you are excommunicated from the brotherhood of tanks how dare you tell our secrets today i saw a cat who immediately and casually hissed at me on site but after i said that's rude he meowed politely well see we can all learn from cats you know every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough i'm gonna show this to my production manager and watch her head explode technically we're all always larping because the self is only a construct yo i want a new character then then make one wow and make one has the same energy as them perish but like opposite same and opposite whoa writing prompt your character lives in a world much like avatar the last airbender where every person can control and manipulate one specific element out of the 118 found on the periodic table of elements hey man you see that guy over there he thinks sword art online is the best anime ever [Music] coffee dance romantic bobby you split the cost of a 5.47 coffee between three credit cards then reached into the tip jar for the change yeah i thought i do think i got a shot at this job no actually that was the worst interview in the history of interviews i have to fire you before ever hiring you i have to double fire you [Music] it's a nice day out i can play video games with a window open or take a walk somewhere i'm going to argue with someone on the internet [Music] where did the cup go okay i gathered the firewood and got the food ready did you set up the tan the tent is already pitched hey you talking to those online people again yeah dad that's great it's good that you can hold friendships with people regardless of distance i'm glad you surround yourself with friends okay this is my first unboxing video i'm going to unbox the joke box where they promised a joke in every box all right here we go what all that's in here is a mirror oh oh he thinks he's being sneaky who's being sneaky oh i just use a box i don't know what he's talking about fyi the name dennis is derived from dionysus that is all this means denny's yo denny's is absolutely the domain of a god of chaos and revelry it's true all right punks listen up don't wear your leather jacket on hot days you could get heat stroke remember being punk is only fun when you're alive and always wear two pairs of socks under your big leather boots so there's nothing punk about getting blisters and not everyone wants to rock out as hardcore as you always ask what other people are comfortable with it's very punk to ask how people are feeling and this has been punk responsibility by the way whoever shared this activate your windows account already is it too much to ask for a rival around here a charming foe an opponent to engage passionately in a battle of lips i mean so who's gonna dm at my wedding roll for wedding vows oh crap it's in that one meet a husband i say nervously as i accidentally knock out the marriage efficient and somehow eat the ring it's been scientifically proven the person reading this is the cutest and is beautiful show me the science you speak of here's a pie chart showing you how cute you are well i can't argue with science ah jesus is hacking wendy's i turned down my graphic settings and made it pb and j o p fix it boba actually means boobs wait no no no no no to google oh my god [ __ ] what the [ __ ] we been drinking titty t candles are how we keep fires pets this is unnecessarily adorable i'm gonna name mine franklin snow of me messy feels pretty good because there are always pregnant people the average number of skeletons in a body is higher than one i never needed to think about this but now i'm reblogging it and all of you can suffer as well you're welcome hey did anyone hear the news that scientists have actually been able to figure out the most common key that old pirate shanties were saying in in my opinion it's really interesting like they found and analyzed lots and lots of sheet music that they suspect was inspired by all these old shanties since all the music was written by people who are believed to have been former sailors or even former pirates and the neat part is that statistically speaking almost 90 of them are written in the same key i mean obviously it's not confirmed 100 but it looks like almost all pirate shanties were sang in a high c go to jail yep parkour okay sure tumblr made us hate the idea that our bones are always wet but if they ever started to dry out you would panic my brain after losing an online match in a dumb way oh surely you must be joking they must be joshing they must be drinking joshing the living back out of me right now i want to meet the guy who looked at his celery god's flavorless green water stick and was like i bet this can make soup taste better game pitch five nights at freddy's remastered but it's actually six hours real time a night have fun and now dr pepper aka barbecue sauce soda that is all er gay yeah what is mountain dew other than sweet and sour ginger ale hmm all right here's the visual pun for all you what happens when you share a satanic summoning on youtube and accidentally swear you get demonetized okay and what do we do when we're sad um use puns more down a shot of cold brew in blast music about how much i hate my town not even close i'm sorry did you say jojo's bizarre adventure no jar jar's bizarre adventure mr gonna make my stand new internet rule rule number 11-18 if it exists there is a minecraft parody of it also if you understand what 11-18 means you've been playing minecraft for way too long like me and before i go i have an important announcement to make horses walk on their toenails that is all enjoy your sleep ah yes the avocado the king of green food please i'm so hungry yield me the avocado there are too many dark souls like games only few of your elk deserve the avocabo y'all it'd be me a pirates here to tell you the world not be flats if it was what would you do anyway your bills would still be to tomorrow the government still be taxing your hard-earned funds [Music] competition more no bro you win i stole this leg i'm getting older and older i no longer wish to fight but rather surround myself with love as i get older though i get less and less friends i've already seen many of my friends move on or die reminding me that someday i too will leave the friends i have or die i just want to enjoy whatever time i have left with the people who care about me sir how much longer do you want me to hold your blizzard upside down your kids these days know about glomping what is that what the frick my god the world has changed i feel it in the water i feel it in the earth i smell it in the air munch that once was is lost for none now live who remember it no but seriously what's globbing you're too late spider-man weed has been legalized [Laughter] you're the one getting smoked gabi oh god i'm gonna see i need you to hold the net sneeze or else my spices will be ruined sitting on and touching warm rocks ah now that's the good stuff are you a reptile what are you a cat man's your business life-sized breath of the wild guardian at nintendo of america headquarters in redmond washington do not touch like i'm not going to be keeping one eye on this at all times at a distance so i can get of its eyesight as fast as possible if necessary ooh actually better concept hang out near this and then play the guardian has spotted you music and see whose flight instinct acts up yo that's actually good yeah behold kool-aid baked chicken wings i'm convinced that jesus canceled the second coming a while ago yo watch these be fire though guys i have a really really hot waiter guys he came back with my food and said careful the plate is hot too so i asked two and then he touched my shoulder and made a sizzling noise i'm freaking out what do i do him u.s things that i only know from the internet slash tv and that i won't believe until i've seen them with my own two eyes girl scouts selling cookies garbage disposals regular school assemblies psas coupons oh god i can't believe i forgot cheerleaders serious school sports teams and spirit week still not convinced this isn't a myth i i can't believe in an industry ripe with falsehoods you managed to list everything that actually exists reasons why highland cattle are obviously the best reason number one that's it that's all that that's the post i have three highland cattles and i can confirm this is the only reason you need look at a baby guys there's a fudge recipe on a headstone i feel like i should make this just to be able to say a dead person taught me how to make it maybe i'll do it for halloween i desperately hope that she spent her entire life telling people that they could have her fudge recipe over my dead body oh my god that's exactly what it is probably bad rpg ideas the party is all half human half other races looking for their shared human parent change your url op they heal the bard when he sees his gaggle of bastard stumbling into the tavern why is it always the bard and why is it always true when it's the bard oh my god does anyone else secretly have that i liked it before it was cool complex but won't admit it it's more along the lines of you guys were [ __ ] making fun of me for liking this before it was cool kind of complex also i super excitedly tried to show this to you years ago and you brushed it off and now you think you introduced it to me and that is infuriating kind of complex all of the above how to make a story better add dragons how to make it even better add dragons you don't have to kill you you're promoted best idea make the dragon the protagonist yeah the pro dragonist that man is our new presidents yeah this is pretty much my senior report card how do you fail lunch what a strange cat that's not a cat i let you pet its belly without biting dogs like rolling over on their back baby dog ah look at this weird dog pat my belly forevermore so uh did the guy sneeze did you ruin your spices this i must know strive i don't know what you're planning but this is suicide strive did you hear what i said i have to try okay but you guys are aware that i am 18 right i'm not a baby i'm so close the stars are right there it's just neat no i am not done i it was starlight brigade member no matter how many times we get thrown down we okay can someone explain to me why the ninja guy is just staring at me with full of hate or he's just like that leave him be the two rs and jir tolkien stand for rocking and rolling down to the grey halen's i'm strolling but the eagles poke at my head not fun i said eagles stop it now oh this is a great way to start this because nothing starts your day off right like darth vader crying heavily over your naked body you're his natalie portman i love that team rocket isn't pokemon go now but i just can't take them seriously because their main goal is to steal items from pokestops but like pokestops are free you don't have to steal them you can literally just walk up to a pokestop and get the items for free it's like stealing a balloon on free balloon day actually it sounds like they matched a completely accurate representation of team rocket which is better a dog with a backpack or a dog in a backpack clearly a big dog with a backpack containing two smaller dogs ah oh my god it's true look at that face you know it's astounding that maplestory youtube videos came back around in the form of gotcha life videos i've been on the internet for way too long what is maplestory jesus my hip who said ferraris aren't family cars because the air from the grill is diverted out those channels that baby will be launched out at sufficiently high speeds fantastic eat them on the i-88 none of y'all know what propaganda actually is do you it's when a british person takes a good look at something [Laughter] this is legitimate that's the funniest thing anyone has ever said to one of our posts thank you for your service and if you don't get it save propaganda in a first accent or copy accident yo if the evan's family had like any more daughters they end up calling them like flora cactus and eucalyptus imagine harry's mom being called cactus potter just imagine it and giggle a little bit nobody absolutely no one me we're a walking brain that decided on what to name our brain stop go to sleep why do they call it toilet paper maybe because butt napkins sound stupid or great your butt napkins my lord pentagon hexagon octagon his parents gone i won't apologize and you can't make me what did i do to you to have you hurt me this way why do you gotta go after my boy why are there straps on his psychological hard power to the main thrusters all systems are go we're going turbo [ __ ] one day i want to take a video of yardstick straight up hurling himself into the void cats have no conception that there is a future there is just now and the jingly toy your cat's name is yardstick he has three feet oh my god that is the perfect pun name i love it drink your school staying sleep don't do milk and get eight hours of drugs yes sir he looks like he followed all of that advice call our post to nasa why aren't you exploring the ocean it's literally right underneath us you can send a robot a million miles into space looking for aliens when out to the giant void that takes up the majority of the earth we live on please i'm scared nasa knows nasa has seen the dark beneath nasa's urgency to leave the planet grows ever stronger you have skin hey everyone look at this thunder evolved weakling with skin what no i would have skinned who supposed to have skins these days like come on oh my god please no halloween post just yet there's still two months left this monster halloween gentle reminder do not eat too much candy before bed no this was a gentle reminder yet your words of defiance bring me ungodly amounts of rage cell phones have two brightness settings dim and the messiah's back the worst is when you check your phone in the middle of the night and it's so bright like yeah today i learned the sun constantly produced a roar of around 290 decibels if sound could travel in space it would still be around 125 decibels by the time it reaches earth around 13 years later around the volume of a jackhammer oh so that so the rick and morty screaming sun was actually pretty freaking accurate oh god i'm scared do dogs think in marks for those that wonder about cars anatomy here's thomas the tank engine's true form i am so uncomfortable kim you doing e-girl barney the dinosaur palette sorry oh what now i painted a boy this painting right here the boy a boy is gonna be like one of those paintings in like 30-something years you'll see in art books for college i can feel it in my bones mm-hmm wait are you gay why well it started off as like a seven-day free trial but i forgot to cancel so here we are why ghosts pass through walls ghosts continue to follow the routes they used when alive even if the house has been rebuilt since that time this is why they seem to climb upstairs that no longer exist or able to glide through walls hello i hate what you've done with the place oh you've redecorated i don't like it i acknowledge that this house has had renovations yes but given that it's a stupid-ass renovation i've elected to ignore it so bite me sharon oh wait you can barack obama joins lin-manuel miranda on a hamilton remix gig you barack here's where obama's rap solo comes in i hate this [Laughter] you can't reinvent homestuck if homestuck was a prophecy the entire time sometimes i'm tired of being nice one day your femur will be mine wait wrong block rock bug guys stop reblogging this no impressions you know i like to think that i'm a very average man and i do relatable things and i remember standing here making rice for dessert my god i'm a freak mortal your heart is balanced with the feather you are on the precipice of both heaven and hell do you have anything to say yeah were you like the first furry how it is hey captain rich didn't you be out fighting crime there's no need you see i bought the student debt of every person in the u.s and told them for every crime they saw about clear a thousand dollars off what the flork hey man you doing crime what no i know i'm just existing man i'll freaking kill you you crime guy outsourcing basic economics you've been listening to the same [ __ ] anime opening for the past four hours you don't even know what they're saying yeah but i feel it in my kokoro oh hey hey and what are you doing here having a hard time whatever you're thinking don't do it hell isn't going anywhere don't rush how do you know i'm going to hell yeah good one man give me your mouth wash i want to get drunk mouthwash has alcohol in it right no i use the kids kind of mouthwash because i like the cotton candy flavor well that's something a little rum won't fix what wrong amigo i feel like i'm behind all my friends that no matter what i do is not good enough that since i don't know what i'm doing with my life right now i'm a failure to everyone who loves me well the truth is very few people know what the [ __ ] they're doing don't sweat it go at your own pace and figure out what works for you just don't give up and keep working hard man and that is where children come from sir they refuse to believe the poor come from the same place as me oh my god i figured it out game of thrones is anime plots for non-anime watchers think about it the first man who milked a cow was up to something it is time to cleanse your mind with [Music] by tumblr if hillary duff's fiance doesn't start calling himself duffman after the wedding then what's the point all someone needs to do is genetically engineer a horse to grow a horn and that person will be rich everything in the air is a ufo until you can see what it is seeing cgi in movies back in the day was impressive but now seeing less cgi is more impressive the odds of you being born were infinitely minuscule but it seems common because we don't know anyone who wasn't born there has to be someone in gotham that thinks bruce wayne is a little [ __ ] because he always disappears when the bad guys come around goss are actually just shadow hippies old school cameras were so low quality and blurry that it made people look better now it's so high quality that we use lights and filters to do the same thing what a world there was probably a time when romeo and juliet both die was a pretty massive spoiler and finally we're really lucky no tinier humans evolved alongside us like sure there are monkeys and apes but imagine a pack of tiny naked stupid men running alongside the road like it's normal thing like seeing coyotes and squirrels and this has been my tumblr so i get asked what is the process behind creating the voices for travis terry and brendan for app now well terry's is basically me impersonating my dad got he sounds very close to me but he has that same sort of gruffiness and everything to it so it was pretty easy to figure out in the long run brendan is more of like if bolin meets patrick star so it has like some goofiness to it but like it has genuine heart and like can be taken seriously every so often and travis is just me really there's really not much i had to do for that one maybe just enjoy tacos and butts more of the realistic and anime writing and that's how it's done so now my hair's dried out from the oil i was asked to do a luxurious hair flip with it so yo if we ain't calling the 2020s the hindsight decade then what is the point of living really when you cute af but also possessed what's this alternative dogs according to the internet forest dog water dog noodle dog and hoof dog i also forgot about skydog which is a bite all right tumblr or youtube whatever now consider this uraca plus pokemon themes equals that that that that's all thanks for coming to my ted talk a medieval themed restaurant catered towards partners only called date night all right so the breath of wild stream viewers now know my dark secret i love fish people look at all of them perfection it is now halloween so saith the oreo it's a curse but an intriguing mod idea ocarina of time slash majora's mask link with wind waker's voice pack like it would be fun but it wouldn't feel right at all the dyslexic devil worshiper accidentally brought forth an eternity of christmas after summoning santa oh god i'm sorry guys so this felt short i just i i've got a kink in my back can someone just shame it for me all right that'd be great things to do if you're a shapeshifter get into a place that horses shouldn't be able to get into and then turn into a horse a 392 year old shark found in the arctic this guy was wandering in the oceans back in 1627. dude you look like [ __ ] i hate that me being a dick to a shark is what went viral and now it's on a video biffed undergloots you are immortalized forever for being mean to a shark yo buffets are pvp enabled areas i just saw a lady pour chili onto her pizza what she's enchanting her weapon abandoned soviet turbojet train i'm sorry an abandoned what do you ever see something so aggressively fallout aesthetic in real life that your sense of reality is temporarily shaken ah yes my two genders punk with boots and punk without boots and the third elusive gender punk with a boot in the other shoe nah yes the cursed gender psa to my fellow college instructors it costs exactly zero dollars to be understanding when students are stressed as [ __ ] get mid-term time instead of saying all i knew it was coming though i lied this actually cost me 31 today because i bought a ton of coffee for all my students but you should have seen their faces it was like giving them the holy grail the fountain of youth and the second season of firefly all in one what did vincent say when he lost his car in the parking lot where did my fan go uh the correct pronunciation it go is goth young cultured swine [ __ ] off well technically british people pronounce it goth and american people pronounce it go and unfortunately both of y'all are wrong this vengo is dutch so his name is actually pronounced van gogh so suck my free soup you are going to be so so cursed but it's free soup day 77 no one suspects a thing wow i was so focused on the one dog sitting patiently in the back i didn't even realize well it's just four dogs we talk about okay so apparently if a duckling imprints on human and doesn't meet other ducklings he ends up believing he's a human too that's unbelievable what if i'm just a duckling with an overactive imagination what if i'm just a sleeping duckling and this is all a dream pretty sure they made an anime on that and so quote asap i am tempted to smash you to pieces with my hooves said the horse so apparently john mullaney was aesop in 500 bc john mullaney being the modern form of the immortal aesop isn't a take i expected but it's a take i can get behind all right not to be dramatic or anything but i think i've actually spent about 10 months of this year being tired and sad but at least you're gay right yeah at least i'm gay someone please edit some brains in a horse stable you mean like this i ass mentally stable i'm going to beat you to death with my [ __ ] mom i'm pregnant with greg's child say it say it i'm pregnant hey hey all the space monsters broke out dear lord i'm not ready for this there has to be something about this in the procedure book oh fudge piccolo i got him fire take care of my wife and kid after i die oh you sir well you know what second thought howard i'm gonna be 100 with you chief i don't think watching a live execution will be good for me like you say in fact i think it'll be detrimental as i disagree with your statement about how watching death makes you appreciate life damn fine i guess we out here about to watch someone die happy birthday kevin we made you a cake y'all think i'm gonna eat that cake you're [ __ ] wrong pal i know where we work it's got i know what a [ __ ] has on it brandon i hate this job hi paul i have a little chocolate candy caught a treat have a bite of me yeah i don't know man this is this is kind of weird you think i'm packing around here i didn't ask you i told you yeah i made a voodoo doll my friend about to do some [ __ ] with it oh no my body's moving on its own i know i'm forcefully having a good day hey my favorite food store well it has been a long time since i've done this but uh let's go ahead and read some of the comments on youtube shall we okay my brain interpret this voice as a sexy robot cowboy i mean anything's possible with the power of imagination i'm sorry that brain power is going into 200 ways to overthrow the government and the action stories in my head i can't get down on paper cool we don't do king shaming here oh basic biscuit please yes you do i've got a kink in my neck it won't shut up about feet there it is so uraraka becomes a drunken scott when she enters the gala region yep that's exactly what i was going for yeah i wish i had a crowd-sourced matchmaker no you don't bp they're gonna try to pair you up with a neck snapping clown peanut you don't want it i married nearly arthur donald he's young and turns down to not a one girl army but a one girl military oh my god tony you're a genius the quality of this video is the same quality is how i can clean my room uh this can be interpreted in two ways either you're gonna say something nice to me oh i'm gonna have to find you madison smith and boop you right in the snoot this what ravioli calls him luke goodbye cannon uh sophia i wanna know you're trying to thought between this comet and the next kyle you okay i think you stopped caring about the turtles if it's shaped like an oh i will find a way and as soon as i run out of o's i'll start using use that's some nice pants honey you right i agree that is much pan same with your pants pal i got nice pens too he's got lovely pants okay you have a very long username by the way but thank you for your compliment on my pants give me your soul mortal so i can copy paste into every single newborn because you are perfect to me and nothing you could ever do could ever change that thanks god this video is going to keep me up at night until i get answers to exactly how much does patrick seymour know about homestuck so we see i've been here since the beginning hearing pm see more do memes my life is complete dr texas new hair alright so how many of you want my high school yearbook quote to be one day your femur will be mine well since i put in a video now triangle you best deliver kim seymour you are travis from aphmau i like how that's like a declaration like i never knew my entire life they're just like i'm just sitting they come up they slam their fist on the table and be like you pm seymour you are travis from mouth now okay okay can i go back to enjoying my coffee please okay the thighs have one con they are infinite not allowing more cats my god you're right sick cool angel thesis cover oh thanks he's babies he has returned this and talk about juice babies come here sit down what oh yeah oh that's what you wanted from the last video my god it took me like three months to realize you just wanted me to scratch your butt in front of all these people you're gross you're gross babies provide gross babies really really yeah yeah your babies you still babies yeah we love you though look at that face look at that advice okay gamers this is our new aaa game and it'll be a stadia exclusive yeah what the [ __ ] is stadia howdy welcome to painting with me today let's paint ourselves oh god look at me what a beast dude are you still playing with fidget spinners it's 2019. in 2019 we got i guess all we got in 2019 is conspiracy theories and the feeling of amending doom hi everyone it's me elon musk i made the cat girls you were all talking about don't look at me like that i said i'd make them i didn't say i'd make them well okay boys what's your best hustle how do you grind that bread well i put a bunch of cooked top ramen in a styrofoam container and crush a bunch of flaming hot cheetos over it because people think that's a topping now for some good reason then lay a piece of salami on top of it and sell it on facebook for 15. what's wrong man my house foreclosed and someone already moved in it ah [ __ ] dude it is time to cleanse your mind with these shrek titillations by tumblr jack black is everything a kid wants to be a movie star a rock star and a famous youtuber your salary is your company's monthly subscription fee of you it didn't matter what abandoned house they were in scooby and shaggy always managed to find fresh produce in the fridge for sandwiches then that should be your first clue that all the haunted moments were actually done by our living person cigarette lighter in a vehicle has now come full circle first it was used to light cigarettes then used as a usb charger and now the usb charger is used to charge your e-cigarettes whenever you have a good dream reality becomes the nightmare someone somewhere might be silently chuckling to themselves at a comment you made three years ago the first car was made by a person who never rode a car leaving your house one minute earlier or one minute later could drastically change your future once you turn 18 your 6 570 day free trial has expired two lobsters in the titanic the ship sinking must have actually been a saving grace your body is the portion of the universe that you can control using only your mind after humanity's inevitable extinction the next species can use our driver's licenses as trading cards whoa is that a holographic kevin with a heart symbol telling someone who has depression to be happy would probably make them more depressed because they want to but can't and finally because that was such a sour one to end it on cactus is a singular noun while cacti is its plural form and this has been tracked my dude we just woke up it's time for wake boldness and do things in productivity though okay finally now is sleep no wrong if i ever talk to you at 3am please remember that's not the real me it is merely a dark over-emotional tired version of myself who craves interaction i'm so sorry you've heard of mom friends now get ready for auntie mom friend they suggest every single impulsive thought that runs through your head like hey what if you jumped into that pond in the middle of the night to the group while the momford begs them to stop um that's eldest sibling friend you know what they say be there or be squish i hate this i hate this and you all now have to see it today there was a flash mob set up by the seniors because it was their second to last day so they blasted the macarena over the loudspeaker and they dance in the main lobby but our headmaster knew about it so it wasn't even funny but whilst walking past the elevator i found out why they really did this so-called flash mob it was a distraction they put chickens in the elevator people always think if you want to hang out like you have to do something like now invite me over to your house introduce me to your pets give me a plate of oreos and your wi-fi password and we can sit together in silence for hours that's friendship goals right there bathtubs that can't submerge an entire adult body should be illegal okay i know what you meant but you sound like a murderer what if we shared our minecraft beds i'm sorry did you say minecraft bees uh what i said here are the minecraft b is for you to share how the [ __ ] do people just stay motivated their entire lives what drives you i got out of bed once and i've been exhausted ever since you need to learn to hate life to the point where you want to get revenge on existence itself that's the best advice ever sorry to break it to you all but being a fan of someone is not a competition in competitions there are losers and winners but in fandom there are only losers and it's all of us this is golden do you ever just know do you ever feel that certainty that mario's mustache has made a bone gold calm the freak down uh come on kids we're having a broccoli for dinner i also hate this and now you all have to see it tumbler owners be like oh nothing crazy we just want to make a few changes maybe include some premium options you know dude we rioted when the background color changed from blue to blue mr tumbler man hey guys i made a b source pack i hate this faking website i'm going to mocha it's ladies hi this is the oldest babies this is abby she made that one she adopted that one she's a good mom yes she is she's also a bit of a scared cat thanks zeke it is time to cleanse your mind with stephen universes by tumblr we live in a time where it's faster to play a game with a complete stranger online than set up a couch co-op game with a friend people who steal jokes from others but get a better reaction simply have a much higher charisma stat this yard is contagious someone might have started an endless yawning chain without knowing every time a new ship is put in the water the ocean level slightly increases if you think people are more attractive with a tan you like people slightly cooked there are many cells in your body at this very moment keeping you alive and defending you from many threats it's a comforting thought that something in this world exists that wants to keep you safe no matter what try and give some of that love back to your body and your mind you know you're grown up when you start thinking of business trips as little all expense paid vacations where you have to work but get to eat out a lot humans are designed to learn through experience yet the education system has made it so we can get no experience the spiders in harry potter were terrified of basilisks because they have 360 degree vision and cannot shut their eyes a microwave would still be a hundred percent usable if its only button was add 30 seconds since we use chemicals to kill wasps and wasps use chemicals to sting us we are at a constant chemical warfare with wasps and fryer you can't snap your fingers inside your mouth this has been stephen universes so sorry i'm drowning help me oh god hold up let me check your credit score and see how bad the damage is damn man you are drowning with that 170 credit rating hello fellow person i would like to exchange this legal tender for crystal methamphetamine whoa hold up man i don't take cash anymore i only accept street cred you can earn street cred by helping to plant trees in the neighborhood or chaperoning youth events how many trees do i need to plant for the meth hello everyone i live in my [ __ ] van here's a video about me living in my van this is where i sleep in my [ __ ] van it's hot as satan's taints for the bathroom i just pull over get on the sidewalk van life i can't take any more pods if i hear one more i will die ugh yeah hey juan how many times have people made your name a pun more than once yo why do we sacrifice people or animals to satan we should just sacrifice things no one likes instead oh thank god you're here to help captain rich there's a famine and we need to find a cause i don't understand the poor why don't they just give the money to their butlers and have them fetch food why are they so helpless say something to all your fans really well i hope you enjoy your eternal stay here at freddy fazbears now let's find a suit for you to fit into yeah there's plenty more fun in fantasy where that came from well i sure hope you enjoyed the show because trust me there's plenty more of it to come well let's just say i'm here because he wants revenge you know the one you shouldn't have killed and correct me if i'm wrong but i'm pretty sure you're the one who killed me and i'm thinking while i'm here i should help get revenge on everyone else you killed and judging by your track record we've got a long way to go it is time to cleanse your mind with the sounds of anguish of the people who tried to snap their fingers inside their mouth from the last video to prove a point and realized it was a grave mistake why would you do this to yourselves y'all i love you but man why did you try to prove a point by tumblr a burning popcorn factory would smell amazing one moment and horrible the next if we just scanned all the textbooks and put them online we could save students thousands of dollars while taking about 15 pounds out of a student's backpack teachers tell us to be more mature but then they punish the whole class for bad behavior of one student encouraging us to have a grudge against them which isn't mature at all never laugh at your partner's choices you're one of them in college you just gotta accept the fact that no matter how much sleep you get you'll always be tired find three hobbies one to make you money one to keep you in shape and one to keep you creative some of the most brilliant and wise people always end up being the most oppressed simply because they're more aware of their situation than others in the next generation there'll be a bunch of gamer dads who will tell their kids they could have gone pro when humans colonize bars there will eventually be a flatmar society that will believe that the earth is a hoax mars is flat and that earth never existed and humanity began on mars and flying away charlie and the chocolate factory is the closest thing we'll ever get to a family friendly saw movie and this has been patrick's rant from the beginning by tumblr

Channel: P.M. Seymour

Views: 2,378,098

Rating: 4.7570996 out of 5

Keywords: compilation, long video, sleep aid, late night Tumblr

Id: n-KDcrtWCPU

Length: 132min 53sec (7973 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 01 2019