£25K Debt And Desperately Needs Help | Spendaholics | Only Human

[Music] drei Hannah Muller moved to Bristol four years ago to do a degree in Business Studies he's now putting those hard-earned skills into practice my name is Andre Hannan Mura I'm 23 I've got a part-time job at John Lewis which is two days a week and on top of that I also do event promoting at Bristol clubs but Ray's business acumen could be sharper his expensive tastes have seen his wages disappear into a mountain of debt no it's a crunch for the moment because I'm already paying off ten thousand pounds worth of student overdraft debts of accumulators and now I have to start paying back my student loan with the repayments due in just one month it's time to call in the experts psychological coach Benjamin fry and lifestyle expert Jay hunt but will five weeks be enough to get spend a holic dre financially shipshape I will keep spending unless I get some help asically [Music] Business Studies graduate Dre makes 425 pounds a week from two completely different sources event promoting at Bristol nightclubs and a part-time sales job in the electrical department of a major store craving the very latest gear in technology as well as fashion has seen Dre's finances spiraling out of control currently I about 23,000 pounds plus 25 maybe yeah 25,000 pounds but it's not all fancy living lifestyle leftovers from his student days include shared accommodation and a quick fix diet of constant takeaways is that with the potatoes and the chicken strippers yeah I love that please and me and a with a bollock Hulk Dre is living on borrowed time as well as borrowed money he's got 5 weeks to change his ways and to help him out lifestyle expert Jay hunt has some thrifty solutions you know for 60 pounds you're getting a really nice cut jacket you're getting the waistcoat and you're guessing the trousers as well while psychological coach Benjamin Frye will be tackling Dre's emotional balance sheet baked beans on toast on a can handle it I can't handle it is it's dirty [Music] today Dre's got a pass to an audio-visual trade show dull for most savagely big sick how much those days but for Dre it's a trip to techno paradise I could just have that in my front room of the fireplace while Dre checks out the hardware Jay and Benjamin sneak into his home for some debts detection this three-story townhouse looks grand on the outside but inside it's a textbook example of a student flatshare lot of takeaway literature Jay and Benjamin head for Dre's room this must be his room either that or his best mate doctor heed the clue or evil oh he's got a jeans display that's a bit unusual nice little Maharishi she's here are those expensive yeah they are you're talking anything from a hundred up to sort of three four hundred quid no here's quite a piece of expensive display as well that is top of the range gear the desk is stacked with gadgets this instead of a TV cost you about two grand at the trade show Dre is being seduced by a new shiny projector despite the fact he's already got one at home fastback that [Music] everything I've tried to persuade them like and on numerous occasions not to go crazy with like spending money and everything but it's just is you can be a bit of a liability sometimes you know I really want one it's just a shiny silver boxes have always brought some kind of happiness in my life and I've been looking at for a long time a long time I can feel it I can feel it now just getting by by it back in his room Gray's bank and credit card statements are saying the opposite there's a 12 grand student loan a 10 grand consolidation loan and 3,000 pounds piled onto his credit cards glasses 894 pounds 60 and that's yesterday mean world can't do it have some self-control despite his mammoth debt Trey's convinced himself that today's 200 pound trade discount on the projector is just too good to resist that makes another 3,000 pounds blown on needless purchases in just three days back at the house flatmate Andy gives Jay and Benjamin some background information I notice it's got an awful lot of equipment in his expensive expensive big stuff does anyone get to use it but from him yes yeah he wants that he wants people to go into his room all the time you like the attention so he likes feeling that that's the sort of hub of the house Oh bollinger yeah look more thing it's party turner isn't it can you imagine a big night here with Bollinger takeaway and a couple of DVDs time to confront him with a few facts of life I think [Music] Dre's financial records reveal two key areas of overspending Jay and Benjamin have lined up a surprise for technophile Dre in the hope of getting a shock result these robots are worth how much money you spent and gadgets technology computer stuff all the things are really nice so there you go you shocked to learn that you spent three thousand five hundred eighty pounds on gadgets and technology in the last 12 months barry schatz very shots it shouldn't be that surprising considering he's just spent eighteen hundred pounds on a second projector it's nearly three months of your earnings yeah and that's not all they've got boxed and ready come with me stand here but this is the fast food mountain as a mountain of fat phase a mountain of fat do you actually spend two thousand eight hundred and sixty pounds in the past twelve months when there are healthier and cheaper ways to eat just no convenient but a bit more convenient when you get your crack Dre's faced the shocking truth now it's time to pull the plug on his high voltage spending know what we're gonna do is just have a chat about how much money you've been getting through and basically set a budget that we all agree on that you are going to live on for the next seven days it's not forever it's just what we call the cold turkey process so it's money that you will be using to spend on non-essential items so after you've paid for your rent and after you've paid for your bills this will be the money that's getting you through the next seven days how much do you think or do you know how much you get through an average week money-wise no idea if you had to get 150 pounds maybe maybe 300 well we have been through your statements and we've had a look and we thought you'd be interested to know that on an average week you get through 570 pounds and that's not including any of your essential spending that's just the stuff you choose to spend so given that that's how much you've been spending how much do you think you could live on for the next seven days 100 quid I think that's know yeah I reckon 100 I can I could do 100 that's not a bad opening gambit but I think I'd like to press you a bit to improve 116 what do you think Joe Wow that'd make a nice one night like spending alcohol what is occasionally so yeah you may find that you have to change your habits a bit for the cold turkey way yeah it's kind of a point Authority we quit I'll give it a go I'll give it a go why not yeah why not I reckon I could probably do it do you just 40 pounds just 40 pounds I tell you what let's make it 45 because I just want to make sure that there's a little bit of a buffer because I think you are being really good about wanting to try think about all that money going into the paying off the debt pot and how good that's gonna make you feel no pain no gain absolutely I was really shocked to start with that just seeing how much money I spent a week I didn't actually have a figure in my mind the budget forty five it's going to be difficult it's gonna be either drinking or eating and I probably prefer to eat I think it's day one of Dre's cold turkey and the smooth-talking salesman is on the black for a cheap night out Westlife huge chumps drinks of 150 or night tonight no I reckon Andy and Judd will let us in for that will let me in for free tonight's diary may be sorted but a 45-pound budget won't be easy to stretch Dre is going to need a cheaper way of feeding his fifty pound a week cigarette habit flatmate Dave has a cut-price solution because if you've got to think about it a bit more and roll it up and Dave's cheap smoke sleeved raid gasping but one thing he will be swapping are the expensive taxi rides to work going cold turkey means the ex public school boy has to brave Bristol's public transport there's only about 10-15 minute journey by car it's long really long [Music] the new budget has frozen out those little luxuries but the one pound forty pence bus trips are lot less than the usual sixteen pound cab fare three days later and Dre's supplies are running low only the alcohols mine I've got an enchilada kit I need meat flatmate Dave's a dab hand at pinching the pennies I'm going to kick your beans on toast and say how good is you can put cheese and anything in the really very diverse meal don't fit you can use the word diverse with baked beans you can buy beans and sausages and a cooked breakfast in it as well is that Dre's beans on toast has cost ten pounds less than his usual takeaway pizza but how long can he stomach the help from his friends this is boring baby eat more exciting food in prisons I'm still doing the same things that I'm I'm used to doing every week like going out to the clubs and meeting people and going and having a good weekend but I just have become quite reliant upon my friends to kind of help me out I don't want to constantly be doing that to be honest we got Blanco coming down we're gonna do it is he gonna do two in two hours there we go we got him to do two hours again and we get I get to do like the main set with just 36 hours left on his cold turkey budget Trey's sorting out the DJ list for an event psychological coach Benjamin Fry drops in to see how Dre's coping with a mental challenge and to offer some moral support the food has been a real real problem baked beans on toast on I can't handle it I can't handle it is it's dirty could you carry that on forever no what would happen I feel like a [ __ ] well I think it's interesting because what you're talking about is that you're spending money not so much because you need to buy something but because you want to avoid a feeling of X Y & Z so that's going to be some of the stuff we get into when we have our chat together later of the week okay and Benny you tell me what have you noticed they were trying this weekend well it's basically he's been out about as much as he ever is normally but I have noticed I've been having to pay for a lot more taxis yeah and also he phoned me up for a lot more lifts as well yeah you know to be taken around everything and I'm picking up a slack unlike you know paying back giving out some like free cigarettes and stuff yeah if if train never had me money ever again and he had to live like this every week yeah would you mind I wouldn't really mind I mean friends are there when like you know everyone everything's fine but when everything goes a bit you know Pete on wrong you know that's when you like you know he helped out a little things I mean this is only for like a couple of weeks so you know do you think Troy has the kind of friends you can rally around in a Christ absolutely absolutely definitely yeah so getting people to help you out isn't actually as bad as you thought it might feel bad but I don't think other people are as benaiah not you mean as you might expect it seems like so far it's been really successful don't let us down on this last day I don't when you're going off with Ben losing it in some nightclub cracking point means cracking Trey's got just 2 pounds and 10 pence left to see him through the last night of cold turkey as usual his bedroom is heaving with flatmates which is perhaps where Dre should be staying going spend ten pounds Dre catches up with some friends but he doesn't want to black any more free drinks and can't afford to go the rounds at this pricey bar [Music] they should be game he knows somewhere else where he can get a cheap drink but the real cost is leaving his mates behind here the cheese [Music] you better not kill the broom DJ gonna burn this goddamn house right down [Music] everyone else is absolutely hammered in there and I just feel a bit out of the social circle it's a it's a bit weird it's a bit weird every no something really good time drunk as hell on you I'm sober as a judge unfortunately I'm hungry I'm really hungry I really fancy tasting about mr. settle my stomach for the night with just hours to go Dre's course of cold turkey can't compete with the Lear of a lukewarm kebab Benjamin and Jay have checked out Dre's lifestyle and given him a dose of shock therapy Dre saved a whopping 525 pounds in the first week but found the cold turkey diet a little hard to swallow baby eat more time freedom prisons if dre wants a permanent release from his 27 thousand pound debt he'll need to tackle the root causes psychological coach Benjamin fry suspect there are some underlying emotional issues that need looking at I did notice when I went to see him that he mentioned issues kind of related to status really around the money and the food that he was eating at home and I think this shows that he may have some emotional issues connected with money and how he feels about himself and how he feels other people perceive him and that's something that I'm keen to explore with him today so talk me through the difference between someone who goes into a shop and loves looking at stuff notices things they'd like to have realizes they can't afford it and you who looks of stuff sees what you want and buys it anyway I get a buzz out spending money yes it's like a hit of happiness but it definitely has a short term happiness effect you know of wow I've got the new the new latest thing or I've got a real I've got a nice pair trousers today or it's almost like a sense of achievement almost hmm if I put the two concepts of money and your family side-by-side what comes to mind not a lot of okay laughter my dad left my mom was just rude there's nothing there so we went from being a typical family home um yeah yeah you know we had everything in the house you know what what we consider modern leave you know I mean it's a long video TV and Wi-Fi and I thought it my dad had a really good time I fight back today and it's what happened - he took it he took it yeah we know that I started with you know the record collection like my parents didn't I bought that I bought that you know that was one of the first physical things because I used to look through the records I stole of like of my parents records you know finding a Anita Baker and Michael Jackson Prince Records you know I used to love go from my parents records and obviously records there were you know 12 inches so big as colorful wings you know it's just interesting that was the first thing I remember really how things start disintegrating in physical terms and then obviously my mom after that was just like well I don't need this high five I don't need your TV I don't need your video and then the furniture just got thrown out the carpets were ripped out and then it just became a box a box a shell a husk well it started with the record sir and actually it's the first thing that you kind of started on your own trying to put back together wasn't it now you say like that yeah it is no as a student Dre was burgled and lost much of his precious electronic and music collection he had a strong emotional reaction to the theft there are turntables got stolen and I just lost the plot for about a week didn't really speak to anyone and I got pretty pretty messed up can I suggest that maybe it reminded you of some of the worst times in your life and all the stuff started to disappear from the house possibly but you've noticed that you had a very strong emotional reaction to it oh yeah well I don't buy records anymore now I can't do it I can order it used it part of my routine every day in Bristol was record hunting mice to go record I think every day and after the turntables got stolen I couldn't do any more like I found it so painful going into a record shop not being able to buy records cuz I can blatant maybe your contacting at that recreating event the pain the actually felt when you're a kid in the records and the Wi-Fi disappeared with your dad cause really you didn't just lose the records and the equipment you lost your dad well the other thing that was quite as my dad actually bought me the decks I bought you the decks my dad bought me nice turntables you again you know you've started talking about how great it feels to go shopping and come back with stuff it's not really this stuff you're coming back with is it's the kind of power to get what yeah yeah say yeah that's a fair coin it is power he's paying and having that kind of power is better any carnie paws great and you know it's it's addictive yeah very especially when it's so easily got well but that's into a shop and cities so let's divorce money and power and gets you some inner power personal power is totally unrelated to financial power really yeah okay so we got to give you some resources to feel that you have power Eddie to cope with these things if they do happen and be to put yourself in a position where you're actually strong and can get what you want but you don't have to spend more money than you have to do it benjamín fears that Dre has been using the power of the pound to replace the emotional security he lost during his parents divorce so Benjamin wants him to find some inner power instead but first it's up to lifestyle expert Jay to set some long term limits that's Rea what I've bought here today is your new spending plan which is a much more realistic budget for long term that we can go through I mean what is apparent here is that your average monthly spend has been two thousand nine hundred and sixteen pounds fifty and that means that you've been overspending by one thousand and seventy four pounds fifty every single month okay takeaways you've been spending 238 pounds a month on takeaways we're recommending that that is absolutely slashed down to 50 pounds a pounds a month I have to say I have to say clothing budget you're spending 400 pounds a month and we're recommending that that goes down to a hundred pounds self-discipline yeah goodbye designer clothes electronics we're gonna slash that to a hundred and fifty which i think is quite generous because what we are acknowledging is that electronics is your absolute passion so we are still giving you a bit of money to spend on it but we're still cutting back I mean do you think that's quite fair when you look at yeah it is it is on paper I've done I've never really written down my finances I've just try to spend Benjamin and I are gonna be here with you with lots more ideas to try and help you stick to this what I'd like to do is look at clothes and takeaways as to key areas where we could really be a lot more imaginative with your money Jai plans to not graze 400-pound monthly cloud spend down to a hundred pounds that won't even buy one pair of Dre's favorite designer jeans an alternative is called for but just how open will Dre be to J's vintage approach what would be your idea of hell sort of head to toe look core toys anything that's too 70s - I hate hand-me-downs oh I like fresh not new clothing hey cherry shops I didn't have any choice in what I got to wear it was kind of selected by my mom through what was available through her own budget so it neatly came from other friends as hand-me-downs all relations and I've never liked wearing what other people have worn before just makes me feel cheap I think what happens is that we take very very strong messages when we're children and sometimes it takes a long while for us to reprogram our brains you know you're not that person who has no choice anymore it might be worth saying to you let's go and explore some vintage options so that you can keep within your budget but you still feel like you're dressing like Dre [Music] I mean that's not bad wow that looks really quite good on you doesn't it how do you feel wearing that strangely feels like it's because it feels old but yeah it's still quite baggy and it still fits it's it's a bit it's a bit strange but it's quite comfortable because that is a suit from the forties and suits then were cut much smaller I mean it's interesting that may be coming vintage shopping is going to give you more choice than you would have if you're sort of in conventional shops where everything is sort of swamp in you it does make me feel like I'm successful naca should be selling some in TVs right now so you've got the jacket waistcoat and trousers and the whole thing in here is 60 quid that's ridiculously junior ridiculously to cool like this one that it's quite individual I can guarantee you if there'd only be one of these Bristol probably in print [Music] it's really nice the thing when you are buying there that is just to check you know if it's gonna go anywhere it's gonna have gone under the arms but actually this one's completely fine I think it's really nice sonica quality yeah hey wow that's cool very cool I actually really really really like this I mean it kind of makes it feel a bit more like warning doesn't feel like fresh like you would see are those kind of new come if you go cause kind of like leather jackets they're very rigid I mean that is one of the advantages of vintage you know when it comes to denim and leather is what it is bashed up and as you say it doesn't feel like you've got to break it in yourself how much would you expect to spend on this sort of jacket that's 300 pounds well this one is 65 it does really see this will go with every pair of jeans I've gone do you think you're starting to change your mind a bit about vintage but Dre I think I'm broadening my horizons the more we try on you can always ask if there's any chance of a discount for cash and you get more chance of that when you get individuals who own their shops and not change any possibility of a discount at all sorry Jay has convinced Dre that vintage can be cool and cost-effective having pin down Dre psychological spending triggers to his parents divorce Benjamin's doing some more detective work it's been four years since Dre visited the family home in High Wycombe Benjamin makes the trip to meet Dre's mother dee Lou who's a nurse I really I just wanted from a third-party perspective your take on him and money and how all began and what's been happening stuff no no I think I put it down to on drama star is fought by his dad and always buying the first toy which came out he'd get it come on it was about six when we decided to separate just watch dramatic I think I was quite depressed at that time 220 million lights and I think I was going through a stage where I was questioning what life is all about the emotional trauma of her divorce led dello to sweep away all physical reminders of her marriage from the house right down to the carpets but she put paying for Dre's private education before replacing these material possessions at that time he was going to a private school and I felt it was very very important that he had the continuity of that so I think I was doing about three jobs at that time to keep him in the private school I guess it's sometimes hard for the children to have that perspective of that - as all they see is the fighting and I suppose and the fact that to honor him didn't get all his new gadgets that was that was the main thing for him it's almost like everything that he's done has been to try to bring back the physical manifestation of what he believes he lost by you know the the music the records the stereo equipment but of course it's not enough because that's not where the real pain lies and I think it's really important for him to find another way to get that stuff that he really craves which isn't actually shiny toys because when you first meet him you can think well he's just a spoiled brat I just wants what he wants and he goes and gets it he doesn't care the consequence yes and I suspect you feel like that song yes yeah I've seen that part of him yet yeah but I'd like to encourage you and everyone really to look at the behavior in a different way to look at it and say hold on this isn't a guy who's saying he wants the latest CD player the guy's saying he misses his dad or missed is that and when you think about him like that of course is much more sympathetic because who could not be sympathetic where the young kid who's been through a difficult time in the family is lost I know he's got anger feeling towards me so I think we need to solve those issues out as well his mother finds Trey rather spoiled and childish with his behavior with money I really want to try to help to bring them closer together but to do that Trey is going to have to find the power to confront the situation and actually engage with it with three weeks left of Dre's five week plan there's still one key area that needs cutting down to size and that's the 240 pounds a month he spends on takeaways lifestyle expert Jay has got the raw ingredients to rustle up a load price plan of action now Dre Andy has agreed to help us out here because what I thought we might do is introduce real food to the takeaway house yeah so what we're going to do today is make a pizza for about three pounds and put them in the freezer so that when you come back late at night ready to go yeah so worth a go definitely all right get chopping so what we're gonna do is take an onion and a pepper chop them and thread them on these skewers and then we're going to grill them along with the sausages to go on the top of the pizzas [Music] you can kind of create how much you want whether you want parmesan mozzarella Bose as you like it and if we cook them in bulk we can put them in the freezer so that when you come back late at night you don't have to do takeaway be a bit more convenient in the freezer easy if the new habit might be Wednesdays we make food it's in the freezer save some money you know it could be a better route oh yeah now I know that a large portion of the budget that you spend on takeaways comes from kebabs doesn't it your particular favorite so I thought what we do today is make some kebabs and then Andy's going to get going making this marinade so first thing is we need to melt this butter [Music] okay how would that be about the average size then we'll talk about on the show yeah that bit more yeah oh well don't auntie okay you've got to mix in with that butter some lemon juice a tablespoon of soft brown sugar and crush up a garlic clove you want some black pepper in there as well and then what we've got to do is wrap them in foil stick it in the freezer whoo how easy was that took about 20 minutes that was a lot of money so there and it wasn't that difficult line 23 year old salesman and event promoter Dre Hema Mona was splashing out on technology takeaways and design the labels at an average of one thousand and seventy four pounds a month Dre is halfway through his five-week plan he's cut down his spending but the new regime is proving tough I'm having to like write down and be conscious of how much I'm spending constantly and I have to think oh I don't need that really because I'm on this budget and I'm just used to living a different kind of kind of lifestyle and I'm just having to kind of wake up and try and work around this lifestyle here that's just a step down or two or three steps down I would say from what I'm walking previously been doing [Music] faced with some uncomfortable home truths Dre heads for a designer discount store for his usual quick fix retail therapy I need to buy some more clothes really I want to buy some your clothes a [Music] video bit a little bit guilty but I spend my money here I'll get more my money than I would if I went to another shoulder so the whole budget and some of the psychological aspects of it all is stressing me out a little bit so I just need a bit of a little bit of therapy nothing JB to impress but I think she'd understand and it's reasonably poor stuff as well so I don't feel so bad Cray reveals why the vintage clothes shopping has left him less than satisfied after got that leather jacket on the zip quote within a day I still wear it but it's not as nice surprise it's brand new no idea how much this is gonna come to ya [Applause] 120 93 oldest bet now on the pair jeans it's a 20 40 60 80 100 120 thank you very much for your t-shirts a pair trousers and four hats [Music] thanks very much Cheers Dre has more than blown his 100-pound clothes allowance lifestyle expert Jay hunt sees that new tactics are called for I am quite worried about Dre on his budget because I think some of the work he's been doing with Benjamin has bought up quite a few psychological triggers especially to do with how he feels about poverty and I just think that that could be encouraging him to go off his budget Dre has grand career ambitions to set up a record label with his partner Benny they've taken on some new if pigeon infested premises Dre wants to get some sound advice from people already in the know and Jay spots an opportunity to get Dre back on track what I know he is doing is coming up to London to have some meetings about setting up his record label I mean if he books in advance and gets on a coach from Bristol to London for one pound and spent instead of spending 97 pounds on the train then he can use that 97 pounds to pay for a driver and a car to drive him around to those London meetings which i think is something he would really enjoy [Music] long journey me that's too long mate next I would take the train a train man trains now this is more like it yes megaliths from mega bus what do we say DS blacked-out windows first lever chauffeur-driven get used to it I love these houses see one day all this will be yours not much I'm not sure about the boys we have fair amount of shops spending 30 pounds of the money saved on the train fare is a welcome treat and allows Dre and Benny to arrive ready to talk business for their first London meeting and still 66 pounds in pocket but record label owner Paul Arnold's got some tough questions we said you've already got a studio who's paying for the studio basically looking to use the space not just as a studio but just as a kind of facility as well for other people to use and and rental that way what if no one rents it for six months and it's all out of our own pocket it is all our own pocket but when we find the money if we have to so we do be able to cover six months of rent in your studio if you had no income coming in if you hadn't put a record out currently at the moment I don't think my personal finances or structures to the best that they could be label boss Paul has got Dre thinking realistically about the real costs of running a record studio so it's just as well Dre's drop the Mercedes for their next meeting it's not the sort of business where you really want to make that many mistakes if you put out a few a sequence of records that don't really go down too well you could suddenly find yourself in a little bit of deep war do you have any do you have in mind any sort of budgets or do you have in your mind are we're gonna put do this and he's gonna cost the system the budget the moment is basically like we ain't no budget there ain't no budget we basically we've got we've got the space we're paying for the space and and then that's that's it a lot of people start record labels they go round they find people that I think a talented they get the checkbook out and from that point on it's they going downhill you know you have to think about finance you have to think about money me I'm kind of naturally like I'm a saver and a hoarder anyway you know so it's not that big a problem but you to look kind of flash like you like going out and spending money and stuff like that and a lot of people in music industry that is where they failed they want to go out they want to spend money wear nice clothes and all that sort of thing and play the cool record label boss before you know it they've got no money left and every all the rest of us sat there going how hard what an idiot so better I mind also the London label owners have given Dre's business plans a wake-up call back in Bristol and with Dre spending triggers linked to his parents divorce he needs to tackle these issues with his mum psychological coach Benjamin Fry has a plan to help Dre discover some inner power martial arts is a great way to find that sense of comfort within that sense of power that comes from feeling really solid within yourself [Music] Aikido actually means the way of spiritual harmony a better translation in English would be the way of peace because I means harmony ki means spiritual energy and domains of way or art and there - maths you start off very gently with some breathing exercises as your breath out we're doing this try and empty your mind just try and focus your mind just purely on your breathing and again although brother the line is calm your body's relaxed it's about using your opponent's energy so it's strong this way quite tough let me push them over but in this axis behind very weak Aikido is a non competitive martial art it shows that power can be acquired through technique rather than brute strength and that's how I keep her just I move my whole body yeah you're using it I can say I've seen this shoulders okay and your hips okay towards me clockwise counter clockwise towards me okay okay [Music] as drake coffins onto the power that Aikido techniques can provide his confidence begins to soar powerful and almost like in physical stature you're taking out more space with your body how do you feel how does that feel to be able to throw a bigger guy over with so little effort I want a flat as possible did you feel that conflict is not so difficult to manage as you thought not just physically but perhaps also kind of emotionally yeah a little bit little bit well that's it it's one lesson with that in mind I wanted to as a quid pro quo for coming here I want you to think about going to see your mother and talk to a bit about all the things I've remained unsaid from that time in your life bearing in mind that you have seen here today that you have power and you have qualities that you don't necessarily always recognize I can try yeah yeah will do to do it felt empowering do something like that I would never thought I could have thrown that guy he was huge I did all right I did a Ryan you know I didn't really think I kids could have done what I did you know being able to throw somebody over that way but I realized it's just down to it you know confidence within yourself it's been four years since Dre visited his mum but with his newfound confidence Dre is taking Benjamin's advice and has arranged a meeting house in my mum for a long time so they probably the emotional which is going to be quite bad but yeah I am a apprehensiveness me really really but and weird hello Andre you're competing with mum for the Dre hasn't been back to the family home in High Wycombe since leaving for university so he's opted to meet his mum on common ground their shared love of music means the perfect place to get together is a local record shop I got that I have got that do you remember the records I know Duran Duran no no no 80s with some good records but everything Michael Jackson Prince Aretha music do I still do that I know you did yeah when my neighbors like it as well listen you let me like your music so it's enjoy oh I didn't even have a lot more means it did they do wants to play garish I know as to scream at you well I had the same tea from my mother when I was listening to Beatles and The Rolling Stones she used to shout at me as well turned they track it down but with the ice broken dre faces his fears and accepts an invitation to the family home he's been avoiding for so long change the garden the grass but will he find the inner strength to talk about his experiences of the divorce yeah I mean over the years it's kind of comes down as you know we begin to realize and understand for other friends and you know their situations kind of what you were going it was a hard time I think your dad was going through some Western stuff I was going through some personal stuff and I think we've sort of it's reporting together we were pulling apart but you know thinking was maybe a bit way from my perspective that the whole the whole you know go to private school being you know one of the only divorced families there and the whole stigma no I didn't because my my sole aim at that point was to give you all the stability and a good education and by god I was gonna do it and that's what I did and I don't as I said to you you know maybe when you're at exact 8 it was important for you to have all the right things but I just couldn't do it that's it after you see people's houses you know you know these people so it's not about and used to walk in in this room and there's this room there's this wing and this is the games room and this is it just felt right didn't feel like you were worth anything meaning you know you've come back remembers just you know any carpet you know many surfers in fact I think we had please God chairs and it was with three of these guard chairs not even this table I never want to be poor again I never want to be as poor as we were living in this house when I was like that's fine because that's your dream hopefully now that you're talking you can get rid of all the emotional package Mustang want any things I do always want things but now I've yeah sure you know I know but then how were Harbor to things you're gonna want how much of things you do you know well you can't really blame me for going out there and trying to live a lifestyle mm-hmm no I do my I don't I don't and I'm not you were very sort of really particular in some ways like mom you know inherits did for me that I probably distinctive taste yeah I can't shut things off that you know are emotionally difficult to deal with because it's just easy to do you know you have to realize that you have a power that they need to confront those things it was it was good to see her it's good to see her and I needed to see I didn't not see her at Christmas for the last past three years so it was good to see it was just asked to chat about a lot of stuff of everybody spoken about before so yes it was cool just one month ago dre henna mother spending was out of control he's been set a new money plan and has started dealing with the emotional issues that fuel his shopping addiction [Music] Dre is now sticking to his new budget but there's one last area that needs to be addressed Dre seemingly endless desire for bigger and better electronic equipment so Dre you've been given a budget of 150 quid per month for technology and gadgets and gear and gizmos I'm not going to try and tell you how best to spend that money because frankly that'd be like taking coals to Newcastle but what I'm gonna do is try to help you remove those psychological triggers which I think have been causing you to spend over that amount of money as it is on the gadgets that make you feel good do you show me what starts to get your pulse racing do you think anything grabs you it's just too lowbrow it's a little lowbrow a little lowbrow we'll go upstairs I bet you there's something in here that you want hanging on my wall at home what would it mean to you to leave this shot with that I would be happy but afternoon it's keep going because it just gets better and better hear that that is sick he's sick they caught us a lot you can tell the difference between the bottom of the top well I can see it any way that you really want yeah oh yeah you really yeah come around here because it does just get better and better in this shot well I'll show you something that may float your boat even more so you know that that is [Music] savagely big you can see here how the scale of achievement the scale of goods the scale of well they're asking to buy just gets bigger and bigger and bigger there's no end to it it just goes on and on and on and you know that as well as anyone so there really isn't anything that you can finish and take care of by buying stuff but perhaps when you think about the equipment representing the loss that you had as a child if you make that emotional that you did at the weekend with your mother you can see they actually that there is a way to reach a solution it doesn't cost you money and it doesn't go out of date and I believe you had a you achieve more at the weekend than you would do walking out of here with a ten grand credit agreement in your back pocket no it's true yes that's fair cop definitely Benjamin walks Dre away from the expensive world of mega-sized televisions to the more affordable models I sell a ton of these TVs in a day exactly this is just ordinary what you're responding to over those the excitement of it isn't it yeah it's the rush yeah it definitely but you now know you can get that sense of achievement from doing stuff with people like with your mouth from building bridges with your mother with your family with all those people you've fallen out with I want you to leave your wallet over here anything else so you're not allowed to sup here anymore [Music] it's the end of Dre's five-week financial overhaul and with enough money left in the budget to pay off the first installment of his student loan Dre has invited some friends over to celebrate his newfound solvency instead of serving up the usual spread of takeaways draya's cooking up J's pizza recipe his friends have certainly seen a change generally I just seen him wearing you know a lot less new clothes just being just a bit more practical spending I think he's taking it quite seriously I think it was looked like it was gonna be a bit of a laugh to start with and then you know he started to think about really where all the money's going he's looking to bear thinking about what he's actually spending rather than just talking accredit can't behind the bar and saying drinks from me kind of thing that's a pretty good pretty good piece if I do say so myself Oakland as our business I think he's found it a bit of an eye-opener I think we all have really it's soft you know made us question our own behavior as well it's bits of good scavengers there you go he's cheaper than buying like normal pizza there are white sheep and dominoes dominoes will what be six seven fur so if I call you up with like one o'clock in the morning you deliver them to me for you anything Dre has improved in the kitchen at least but Jay and Benjamin want to find out just how deep these changes really go you've been doing your budget now for a month do you think it's become part of a routine and got a bit easier it's getting better I've been spending a bit on electronics but it's just mainly cables to the projector that I bought so I'm a little over budget on that but not too much I think what definitely makes it easier for you is that if you do overspend you can identify where that overspending is coming from because I think what you got used to is dividing up your areas of spending whereas before you had absolutely no idea where any of your money was going so Dre you've made terrific advances with your money and with the practical sides of things I'm wondering how this has translated to advances on the psychological or emotional side of the work we've done together I've been speaking to my mom a lot more and the kind of cutting people out of my life I've kind of decided to reestablish a few old friends you know old connections are kind of lost can you see that on a very subtle level when you remake those connections with people you're actually reconnecting yourself to your past yes it's sketchy but I can see it's it's something I have to do I can't just run away from it constantly well that's terrific because before you really were using money to replace what you would have by person you would have thought that to start with but now in reflection I can see that is it was just stuff designed to distract me just to entertain myself and just keep me going through that and to think about you know what I'd left behind keeping that dark stuff in the distance and I think if you continue that you'll feel that you gain more control over your behavior and your life is less stressful and you're more focused and more able to achieve the things you really want to achieve yeah I'm definitely becoming more focused in terms of not having to worry about other kind of issues that I've suppressed in the back of my mind and I've just can concentrate on what I have to do now as opposed to have to keep that under control I think Benjamin and I've both been really surprised at how much you have accomplished because when we first met you a lot of your spending patterns were so entrenched you know the way you were so into clothes spending and especially with the electronics and it's amazing the way that you have been open to sort of not spending in those areas but yeah I wouldn't have personally thought I would have been able to do it to start with but it's gonna be a bit more journey definitely to completely sort of sort myself out but you feel the journeys started started and I'm on to the next room [Music] click on-screen for more videos of extraordinary humans you

Channel: Only Human

Views: 30,489

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Id: 8XqKsHAIbEI

Length: 56min 17sec (3377 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 25 2019