Bitlife but I speedrun killing all my people

but anyway that's about it i hope you enjoyed the video and i hope to see you next goddamn i did the outro first again you'd think after over a thousand videos i'd finally you know get a bit better but no you'd be wrong anyway hey there friends how's it going my name is kevin and today we're playing bitlife well probably a lot of bit lives oof okay well what we're going to be doing today we're going to be speed running as many lives as we can that's a weird sentence i'm not so much focused on the time like oh two minutes 36 seconds to kill someone again weird sentence we're going to be more focused on trying to kill them off as early as possible in their life by just making the stupidest decisions we possibly can okay the first one's name is die young but don't worry they're from germany so it's the young star dies life oh vaccination the first trial okay bite her do not let me get vaccinated god damn it she did it anyway i see my mom is gonna be an obstacle in this battle oh i was like yes i did it but that was the pet died i'm suffering from depression and i'm five years old i can see why it was clearly my fault my mother and father divorced mom has been trying to get the almonds that i stuck in my nose out for 34 minutes and i guess she just had enough i have pneumonia this is great news what is up with my mom she's had so many children look at this like i was literally playing as the seed last time and i didn't get off to this good of a start i have syphilis and i can't afford treatment oh someone's making fun of me rumble with her rumble and tumble i have pneumonia i'm weakened that's the bite uh yeah her face that's her tooth bite her tooth yes i have anxiety oh my god this person is having such a rough life they're depressed they have a cold they've pneumonia they have anxiety i am nine years old and i'm about to commit a burglary what is this all right fine how the hell am i going to get away with this i got caught that's a weird sentence oh my god they're sick again headache and extreme sensitivity to light additionally you have a bad fever search the web that'll make you feel better your concern goes up a lot no surprise there hope it goes away your get up and go has got up and went god this person is having a tough life i hope it goes away because some eyewear they look so pissed off it's clear they're here for a bad time not a long time they want to go into nursing i mean they probably want to figure themselves out to actually heal themselves no you're going into dance their health is at six percent and they're 18 years old oh god my depression was cured and so was my anxiety i've had that since i was like 4. i'm gonna rumble with my brother to kill me kill me okay uh pound his throat perfect i damaged his spine by giving him the heimlich maneuver you pounded your big brother that sounded wrong one second hold on you pounded your big brother martin's throat then you gave him the heimlich maneuver damaging his spine so it's the heimlich maneuver that actually hurt him i guess it seemed like he was choking because he he got punched in the throat let's attack him again the relationship is empty i wonder why all right roundhouse kick his throat i the cops got called on me um i have no money a public defender get me out of there you know what i'll just take a a year in prison that's not too bad all right martin young i'm out of prison and i'm ready to rumble time to bite his neck i'm really into vampire stuff now he died from his injury attend this funeral and i'll skip the funeral did i just get away with that oh no i did not get away with that well i'm in extremely poor health now the depression has kicked in i'm five percent health and i'm in prison wait a public defender got me not guilty what kind of magic did you pull my teeth marks were on him you know what never mind i'm happy to be free my health is literally at zero though i'm gonna continue down this uh violent path and attacked my other brother now he died from his injuries jesus and die young is making sure everyone else dies young manslaughter how is that manslaughter an inmate prankster named nasty lara keeps farting and tell everyone that that it was you her name is nasty i mean it's obviously her rumble with her oh my god do you want to damage the die young is doing you bump into a fellow prisoner named fat ranja who was busted for granddad with auto i don't know why but i'm gonna lunge at her are you sure you want to attack fat ranja yes we'll go for the throat again elbow or throat i got the damage should go into mma you came into spire you're going home with brain damage kid oh look at this lamb attacker dude i missed and she attacked me with a brick she shattered your forehead how is it that lamb of all people fought back i need to die soon come on my respect is [ __ ] huge in prison everyone's terrified of me oh look at all the mosquito bites down here i'm gonna attack her for her name alone yanker tooth yes i killed someone you delivered a right hook to cherry skull then you pounded her in the six-pack doing virtually no damage to her chiseled stomach she died from her injuries did she write her own little death blurb there or what just bragging about a six-pack in the middle of it why am i not getting in trouble for this another death you punched isabelle's jaw she died for my injuries why are the guards not doing anything i'm just continuing to attack people this person's 73 by your throat she died for injuries why is not stopping me i'm just going down the list i want to be the only person in here it's stinky so he's not dead as well is this one called the bike she's in prison for conspiracy attack the bike your prison sentence has been extended by two years it's about time i have nearly killed everyone in the prison look at this there's five people left oh i finally died there was two people left in the prison how many people did she kill do i get to find that out i don't think i do well die young was a horrible person killed so many people and for some reason was treated very leniently despite all she did but i guess on the positive side she did single-handedly solve the overcrowding of the prison in germany so there you go this person's name is premature death they're from canada but it's premature as life oh my god they're incredibly stupid yes not only can i relate to them more but the fact they're so stupid it might be easier to die young i am eight and a bully just attacked me i fought back and i bruised his brain wait call me kevin how will you attack your classmate call me oh my god kill him kill him uppercut his throat deliver an uppercut to your classmate call me his throat then you clocked him in his bobby knees stop it why would you say that i just joined the army and immediately deserted it and now i'm on the run can i call a hitman on myself that would be cool no i can't that would help me a lot i could go to a witch doctor that might be a good idea a secret last resort the witch doctor has offered you a red and white mushroom try it why not i don't have any money hold on let me commit some crime to get some money for the witch doctor all right rob a priest oh no oh no leave me alone leave me alone okay i'm out of there great i got enough i think if i if that mushroom's still on sale you took it but it made me really upset do you have anything to fix this another red and white mushroom try it again okay that made me even more upset now i'm depressed thank you oh god i got caught for desertion god damn it resist arrested i'm arrested oh steroids sir yes sir and i've been released from prison with zero percent held zero percent happiness how do i get some money again to get that uh witch doctor i want to eat more of those mushrooms i think that's a good way to die okay i stole everything from a pimp's house again a good way to die okay eleven thousand dollars perfect you know what i might even get some risky surgery as well while i'm at it give me uh what like go for a tummy tuck and go with the bad reputation doctor it was botched yes nice one doc you're the best i got the old mediocre ribbon too start max's life no max doesn't really work minimum is better minimum life that's perfect my happiness is plummeting i did just release the family dog can i release the family baby rumble with my sister go for it roundhouse kicker's skull at age four she attacked you with a dildo she's four what she snapped my spine i'm pretty sure i would be dead she attacked you with an ice pick how am i alive a relationship is still really good somehow even though i keep attacking her she stabbed my skull i'm still fine well i'm not fine my happiness health and looks are pretty [ __ ] bad why are my parents not intervening this is like a fight in a steven seagal movie except if it were real my guy would be steven seagal he's doing absolutely nothing he's he's winded just from standing up yes minimum life is dead at age three the parents did not intervene now that's an exotic name last name is to die first name destiny destiny is to die i like it i killed someone i'm age six and i killed someone great start to life and now someone's bullying me why would you do that i just killed someone you're dead now too why do you keep trying to bully me i'll kill you next look you're dead now why do you keep doing this everyone who tries to pick on me i kill them it turns out it is your destiny to die just i had put them in the throat i'm becoming a priest i lack qualifications why because i killed three people is that it all right escorted this that was second on my list they laughed at my resume why because i killed three people let's jump right into crime oh wait no i need money to do crime hold on i got anxiety now just thinking about doing crime okay hitman please i want my stepfather killed ah it turns out um he didn't want my discounted price is six grand okay i'll save up all right i have 30 grand i'm ready to kill my stepfather hitman i hope that inflation hasn't kicked in because i have just enough right now you want six thousand nine hundred this is what i offered you ages ago he pulled off the hit using a okay why is that the weapon of choice today yes this is perfect he's now threatening to kill me with a dildo unless how you pay him another six thousand nine hundred tell him a deal is a deal i'm sure he'll understand oh he didn't kill me he just assaulted me and almost killed me i'm three percent held wait i just got 345 000 pounds because my dad died what the hell skipped that funeral let's get spending that money to the casino it is 21. it's as easy as that i i just won nope i'm done i'm quitting while i'm ahead if my dad had that much money my mom must have similar money as well where's that hit man billy the kid where are you i want the discounted rate again jesus you're you're some man for one man at that price how could i resist killing me mother next day shipping your hitman john doe pulled off the hit on your mother using a toilet seat and i got the inheritance skipped that funeral look at all this money that's a good way to die when you have 600 000 pounds a one-night stand and now i have a fever not a bad idea if you ask me just chug some water it should be fine you're pregnant just name it i is to die can i call a hitman on the baby i didn't really want it i just wanted the stds that come with it god damn it i can't why that's where you draw the line kill the father then that's the next best thing hire the hitman well it worked it is time to vaccinate your son i no maybe drugs is the answer let's go to call me's disco the bouncer won't let you into the club because of my looks god damn it okay no club will allow me in because of my looks okay maybe stds are the answer you don't have energy and you have a mild fever perfect just drink a smoothie it'll sort itself out yes yes okay stds kills destiny is to die i mean it was kind of your destiny after all continue as your child i i mean he's not vaccinated this is getting dark you have a lot of money i let's see what you can do with it kiss yes kiss with tongue give me your diseases my teacher just called me delicate scuffle with him backhand is skull yeah perfect you've been expelled perfect this has got to be a good start okay i'm 18 i'm unvaccinated i'm ready for a night on the town i need disease how can i mingle with people oh my god that looks issue runs in the family they won't allow me in any nightclub again like sure i don't have looks but i have money let me in oh a hook up perfect give me disease you be a pee and it suddenly feels as if your genitals are on fire it doesn't bother me now baby girl god damn it you is to die not very creative they're getting less creative as i go on all right let's attempt to kill someone bigger and stronger than me uh let's see my father by atomic wedgie there's no way that's going to work he called the police on me 36 years in prison wait i'm not vaccinated this is perfect i've got diarrhea this could be a good sign of things to come you received some mail from your daughter you returned to send it oh my god look at this that happiness held looks it's all rock bottom smarts is somewhat there but it's not going to help in this situation a brawny inmate named robin is trying to force you to get a tattoo of his face on your back on clean needles do what he wants i could easily die here by just attacking any of these people but i just want to see does disease get me in the end oh parole board i've been released after 26 years how the hell did i get through that i'm gonna buy a helicopter i don't have a pilot license god damn a one hour lesson is fine you crashed your training aircraft what a way to go after all that it was 26 years in prison it's just a horrible horrible experience everyone picking on them bullying him attacking him he gets out takes one flight lesson and crashes that is fantastic he may have had the longest life but i think he had the worst life all right well hey there friends how's it going my name is kevin ah all the way around again i think we're gonna end it there i hope you enjoyed the video i really appreciate you folks um watching it means a lot to me uh this was fun if you have any more bit life ideas please shoot them my way i love playing bitlife i don't know what it is it's so addictive and it's so fun it's just wacky i appreciate you watching as always and if you want to check out more of my stuff you can subscribe i post every day i also stream over on twitch there's a link for that in the description but uh yeah that's about it uh other than that i'll just say thanks for watching and i hope to see you next time bye for now shout out to patrons lena bergson little bobby pin lord william lorena molina lucian herzog lucy hedges lucy malone lucas k luxer melon stanley matthew wilhoit miffy faust mice chicken michael boy miss sus miss drink salon miss noam chomsky routino 777 natalie welker natasha chevere nathan furman nerd of justice nerton lulu never granger nick benard nick roman nicole nice nikki ryan nikki schultz not really lizzie

Channel: Call Me Kevin

Views: 1,132,661

Rating: 4.9774718 out of 5

Keywords: kevin, callmekevin, kevin1811, funny, moments, gameplay, lets, play, game, cmk, clips, lets play, life simulator, playing bitlife, bitlife life simulator, bitlife challenge, bit life, life simulation, funny moments, bitlife game, bitlife gameplay, bitlife life simulator gameplay, life simulator game, funny bitlife challenges, living my bitlife, bitlife callmekevin, bitlife funny, bitlife funny moments, bitlife influencer, bitlife social media, bitlife children, bitlife stds

Id: STOz0Mdp9u8

Length: 14min 10sec (850 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 17 2020