*WHAPLOOSH* Top of the mornin' to ya laddies, MAI NAME IS- pfmhha *WHAPOOSHHH* Top of the mornin' to ya laddies my name is Jacksepticeye and welcome back to Job Simulator! When we left off, we did gourmet chef, next I think we're gonna do a store clerk. And then maybe, maybe we'll do some auto-mechanic in this episode as well, or we might leave it to a different episode.(Sure Jack) [Job Bot] Are you a fan of slushies and hotdogs? Yas. [Job Bot] Well, you will love the convenience store. Slushies and hotdogs. Who doesn't love slushies and hotdogs? (Vegans) Everybody loves a-slush and a hot-hot. Okay this place looks cool. okay, LETS DO IT! (MAGICAL TELEPORTATION) BYE JOB DUDE, even though I'm going to see you in here. WHOA! Hello. This place is fuckin' cool. [Job Bot] Hello human. Welcome to an accurate simulation of CONVENIENCE STORE CLERK. Haha Take a look at this board for instructions and grab a ticket to get started. HOE LEE SHIT THIS IS COOL, I know I say that every time but it really is! Like the scale of everything is awesome! It feels like I'm actually standing in a supermarket! And it's really hard to describe the feeling of it, and that kinda sucks..... ;( But.....sorry :( Oh. (LEAVE A COIN!) HAVE A TWINKIE!! *^* *Om Nom Nom* YEAH! :D I actually had a Twinkie for my first time, when I went to Texas. When I went to South by Southwest. I had a Twinkie for the VERY FIRST TIME! um, oh God, I think my mouse is on-screen.... (WHOOPSIE) Sorry 'bout that.
I-Is it gone?(Yes) I think it was at the bottom of the screen. Sorry!(It's alright jack) Cause I never know, cause you can't see it in this. And then when the video-when you watch the video back, it's like S*** that was on screen the entire time BUT YEAH! I had a- [Realizes something] Ooh that's a camera! [Plays with camera] AWWWWESOMMME!! I can't see myself though. Am I just floating hands? Oh. I am.. 0.0 Oh God why? D: [chuckles] um, but I had a Twinkie for my very first time in Texas. At the airport, and they're not bad. They're exactly what I actually expected them to be. :) OKAY! NEXT CUSTOMER! [grabs ticket] [JobBot] Alrighty, let's get to business, here's your first customer. [High-pitched voice] Hello.Okay, let's fucking, let's peep this son of a bitch out. What're you doing? Hi. Female Robot: Good Afternoon, human Jack: Hi! [Waves] Female Robot: I would like to purchase these CHIPS. [Laughter] [attempts to impersonate female robot] "I would like to purchase these [deep voice] CHIPS." Um.. [Scans chips] BEEP! Female Robot: Could I also get one of those meat cylinders please? Meat Cylinders? What the f- JobBot: Hot dogs are in the freezer, make sure you heat them up... at least a little bit. MEAT CYLIN- Oh God... Um. :/ Do you wanna eat them like this? Fro- they're not hotdogs right now, they're cold dogs. [laughter again] and, there we go! Ding? Ding! There you go! [Laughing] What? Okay. No! [panicking about them burning] TAKE THEM ALL! SORRY! Um, I won't give you that one! Okay? Special Discount! For the foo- WHERE ARE MY BUNS?! Ooooh. They're on my butt that's where (Spongebob) BUUUUUUUUNS COOL! :D Put the hotdog in. *Yes Jack, that's what you do.* [Female Robot] Mmm. That looks ACCEPTABLE. Hurry up and scan that so I can get eating already. HO-HO
[Female Robot] Thanks a bunch! You don't even have a digestive system! >.< There we go! I scanned it, What do I do next? [JobBot] To finalize a sale, pull the lever on the register. [Notices lever] Oh. CHA-CHING $$$ Give me the money! [Female Robot] Alright. Here's your paper currency. Thank you! You get no change. ;P No change for you. [JobBot] Don't forget to hand over the change. SHE GOT NO CHANGE!! Oh. Here ya' go [laughs] Sorry.. um :| Wha- HERE! Take your fucking change! GO AWAY HOTDOG! [Chucks Hotdog] [Female Bot] Thanks! Have a very PROFITABLE day! I GOT THE HOTDOG IN THE BIN!!! *Tries again but fails miserably* G-GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY Wait till ya see this! *Grabs sausage* KOBE! DAMN IT! Hot dogs are bouncy Okay.... Do I have a fuckin bin anywhere that I can put shit?!? UM O.o [Looks at a miscellaneous item] what the hell do you do? I don't know! Someone else needs to come in! Hello! Come on in to Jack's place! [Job Bot] It was important for stores like this to maintain a constant stream of costumers, so the cashiers wouldn't have time to contemplate their rapidly approaching obsolescence. [Laughing awkwardly] What? [British Robot] Well, hello! [Imitating him] Hello! [Does normal store clerk things] How's it goin' [British bot] Yes, much better! [Does a weird impression] Much better! [British bot] I'll take one of those frozen slushy delights! Frozen Slushy Delights?! No fricking problem bro! [Normal voice again] I love slushes, but there nothing but pure sugar. Maybe that's why I love them What colors would you like? Blue? We have blue and pink. D-Do you want blue? Sir? I'm gonna need- *Tap Tap* Hello? I'm gonna need you to speak up Sir. [Grabs Cup] Blue? Blue for you! Okay. Here we go. [Pulls lever] It's just like- Oh. The cups upside down.. <:-| [Breaks into laughter] [Makes the slushy properly] I was wondering why it looked weird. There we go! SLUSH!! [British Bot] Would you kindly jumbo size that? Um. I already scanned it. :| How do I go back on a- Okay, never mind... JUMBO SIZE!!! [Jack fangirls over game mechanics] WOOOOOOAH!! [Places slushy] THIS IS AWESOME! Living' that Burger King dream!! JESUS!! [British Bot] Oh, I love the taste of sugar!! [Weird impression again] Nice, I love the taste of sugar too! 'Kay I charged- [British bot] Oh, you're very good at scanning! Now would you pass that to me? I'm the best!! Oh. Here ya' go. [Hands slushy over to British Bot] YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ARMS!! Okay. I'm gonna- A-Are you good? Are you finished now? Are you SURE? Cause I already cashed this in. And if you- Okay. [Pulls lever] Give me my money!! [British Bot] And here's some bank notes for you. Keep the change, good human! Um. I can't- [British Robot] Ta-ta! [Jack] I can't do that! I can't keep the change! IT'S A COMPANY- *He's gone Jack... Just let it go...* Fucks sake.... Fine... Here we go. [Chuckles] THANK YOU!! Next costumer! Man, working at retail fucking sucks! Any of you out there working retail? I forgot where my camera was... Because working in retail sucks!! [Granny Bot] I'll take a copy of yesterday's news. [Jack] Um. Okay, why do you need to know the- YOU'RE A COMPUTER!!! Can't you- Um. You're like that painting that follows me. [Moves head back and forth]
Hello? D-Do you want something? Newspaper? UM. But yeah, if you work in retail, God bless you. It's one of the hardest jobs in the fucking planet. Well, not one of the hardest jobs.. Sometimes it is but. It's a fuckin' thankless job for a lot of people. Um. There you- [Granny uses telepathic powers to direct the paper towards her] I didn't wanna give it to you... [Granny bot] And I'll take my daily lottery ticket as well. [Jack's weird impression] Your daily lottery ticket. Where the fuck do I find the daily lottery tickets? Hello? Where the fuck I- [Jack's normal voice] Lottery tickets. Why are they in here?! [Impressed Jack noise] What would you like? *Insert cricket sound effect here* Does it matter? UUUH. "Lumber Jackpot." "Smuggle Bucks." "AaAaAaAaAaLotta" Oh! That's like "Ah for Awesome." The game. Um. I'm gonna go with "Smuggle Bucks" *B-But you didn't read the last one* Cause it sounds cool. [Scans lottery ticket] Here ya' go. [Granny Bot] Oooh dear, I'm feeling a little faint today dearie.[DANCE] Do you think you could scratch that lottery ticket for me? OH, YOU- [Granny Bot] You can use my quarter. You old bitch But fine. What're we getting? *Crosses fingers* You didn't win. [Granny Bot] Oh.. I guess I won't be getting those upgrades today. NOPE!! Sorry ma'am. Also, I stole your coin. >:) [Chuckles] [Granny Bot] Let me just write you a check for those. WE DON'T TAKE CHECKS
[Granny Bot] There you are. We don't take checks. [Looks at check] "Slush-E-Mart" Granny Bot. Um. Granny Bot? Could you cough up the cha-ching, cha-ching? We don't take checks. This is called "Cash." *He is really upset about this isn't he?* Fine. no fuckin change for you then SORRY![Grannybot]oohh... what a kind young human you are.... SQUIRT SQUIRT [Grannybot] Have a lovely day. SQUIRT SQUIRT *Rude Jack* Yea... catchya blae Fine.. SHE SUCKED! *RUDE!* DUDE, CAN YOU FUCKIN HELP ME INSTEAD OF JUST STANDING THERE LOOKIN AT ME Oh.. what kind of chew gums do we have? NANOYUM or... FIRE WIRES OR.... GIGABIG-BYTES ok.. NEXT CUSTOMER.. HAH! FUCK YOU Let's set off a firework. (Firework Scare) GOD FUCKIN' JESUS! (explosion 3) (explosion 4)
Jack: What? No! NO! GET- Point out that way! (explosion 5) Oh god no! Oh, DUDE DUDE! (trying to murder JobBot with fireworks) DUDE! Is- is it stopped? Oh Jesus. Oh, there's a bin right over here. NICE! Can i put all the shit in there? Okay, that didn't really go in. Recycle, help the environment. As long as I can't see it, then it's good. What does this say? (reads text) I'm on every fucking day!? Are you serious? I know I wanna pay for college, but come on man. *whispers* Fuck's sake. Next customer. [JobBot] Back before the universal credit system, some humans had more money than they knew what to do with, and struggled to find ways to spend it. [Jack] YOU AGAIN! [RichBot] Hello human! [Jack] Hi. [RichBot] Looks like I've got some money to blow. What's good here? Give me stuff. Whatever's good. [Jack] Oh, STUFF! Okay SIR. Have I got a bargain for you. COME ON DOWN TO SLUSH-E-MART TOWN, WHERE WE'VE GOT A BARGAIN FOR YOU! BUY ONE, BUY TWO, GET IT ALL FOR THE PRICE OF maximum. Beep! Uhm... [RichBot] Yes, that's good. How 'bout a couple more things? [Jack] Uh, dude. I'm giving you everything. You're not leaving until you pay for everything, okay? Uhm, take all the shit. Uhm, we're going to go in the FRIDGE! Uh, lottery tickets, why the fuck not? One of ea- one of each, sir? O- is one of each good? Are-are-are you okay with one of each? Okay. Okay, one of each it is. Jesus, calm down. You don't need to tell me twice. Get the fuck back in there. I don't need you anymore. Uhm, ah, do you want a bottle of Blue Goo? Of course you do. Who the fuck doesn't wanna drink Blue Goo? And who doesn't wanna drink SWEET Generic Off Brand. Uhm, sir, you're gonna- sir, you're gonna need another bag. Are-are you okay. Are you okay with carrying- okay. Uhm, why are you holding my ketchup and mustard? Sir, put the ketchup and musta- put the ketchup and mustard down. Sir, don't shoot, okay? Could you imagine if they actually had that? Somebody came in and robbed the shop and shot you. *chuckle* Okay, cha-ching! You payed $41! [RichBot] Okay, here's a bunch of money. [Jack] Thank you! Thank you! [RichBot] Keep the change! [Jack] I just scanned the money. [JobBot] Nothing like a little retail therapy. Make sure you grab their money! [Jack] Change? I fucking did already, can you shut up? Okay, well you know what? I'M GONNA LEAVE THIS EPISODE HERE! I think I had enough of my retail life for now, because it's driving me insane and nobody says thank you. Actually, several people probably said thank you and I can't remember them actually saying that. This is such a cool game, though. I know I said it in the last episode, and I probably repeated myself a lot, when it comes to VR stuff. But it's crazy when you're actually here, you can actually look around, you can grab stuff in the environment. It feels a lot more memorable. 'Cause when you play games, you're playing them actively, but you're kinda looking at them passively in a way. Like you're scanning the environment and everything, but when you feel like you're in the world, you remember the world a lot more. Because it's very *stutters* synthetic, so to speak. Like, it's almost like you can smell the air. You can- you can almost feel the things. You can almost feel, like, the chewing gum. You can feel like you can reach out, and when controllers that work as actual functioning hands, it's weird to feel how, like, real everything is. I don't know, it's super cool. And I really, really like it. Can't wait for more VR stuff. I wanna play it ,like, all the time. I'm still trying to stagger the videos out. Like, I upload a VR video , like, once every four days. Or something. Just so people don't get sick of it. Because I'd love to just upload it every single day. But, let's face it, you'll probably get sick of looking at the VR stuff after a while. Because not everybody likes it. It's very hard to watch, compared to playing it. And, I apologize for that there's not much stuff I can do for some games. Because some of them record like teeny-tiny windows, and there's not a whole lot I can do, and it's really weird to stretch them out across the screen, or fit my camera on it. Uhm, but some other games that I play, hopefully I setup a second camera so you can look from here down. Because if I have to crouch down to do stuff, which I do every now and then. If it's just once or twice it's not too bad. But if it's constantly throughout the video, like budget cuts, I'm gonna have to set up a second camera for it. But anyway, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING THIS VIDEO! IF YOU LIKED IT, PUNCH THAT LIKE BUTTON IN THE FACE LIKE A BOSS! And, high fives all round! *WHAPISH* *WHAPISH* THANK YOU GUYS, AND I WILL SEE ALL YOU DUDES IN THE NEXT VIDEO! *outro*
